Is It OK To Make Fun Of Your Kids?
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- I don't know this person and I'm not saying they aren't a good dad. What I'm saying is that there are many ways to be a great parents and I would personally rather want my kids to be the one standing up to the bully instead of being one.
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Ah yes. Teach your kids to not be treated with respect. Seems real healthy.
Can't see this backfiring at all
He does say his kids give it back to him. Which means he is teaching them to be abusive to the people around them. Which is going to work real well for them when they enter the workplace.
@@torinju Bullies like him have fragile egos. What he's not saying is that he explodes when his kids say something that genuinely offends him.
@@anneabelle7098 Very true. Plus, he says things about their mother? Good God, that is just abusive to both them and his wife. The guy is a monster.
Right? "Let's just teach my kids that when someone loves them, they will hurt their feelings all the time and make mean and racist jokes. That won't backfire at all!"
His kids may become the employees who gets fired from multiple jobs, and can't understand why...
"Why can't I call Tiffany 'fat whale'?? it's a joke?? Human resources is full of snowflakes that -.... what do you mean "pick up your stuff"??
Right?! His kids may end up being the type to wonder why every workplace and social group they're a part of is just full of assholes, if you catch my drift.
He's teaching his kids how to be toxic to the people they claim to love.
He’s acting like his kids aren’t the manager 😢
Yup.... constant meetings with HR
His definition of "resilience" is laughable. Resilience is being able to acknowledge that that shit is wrong and speaking up. What he is modeling is "shutting up and taking it" which IMHO is WAY more cowardly than speaking up against abuse.
To me it only isn't laughable because it infuriates me; the level of entitlement required to disrespect someone, then DEMAND to get away with it is something else
Exactly! It takes a lot more resilience to recognize when you are being abused, call it out, and keep it moving, (ie. leave), than it does to simply accept the abuse.
When a tank is damaged, it goes back to base.
The base is a safe area where it is repaired and reinforced or modified to face the next battle with new vigor.
This dude thinks we should fire on the tank at home, too.
Also how will yo mama jokes make his kis more resilient? How do you do yo mama jokes with your kids?!?!?!
The only valid thing he said was making race jokes assuming he's talking about making jokes about white people because some white people clearly have never had thier ethnicity be part of the joke. I remember back in 2010 how I made a light hearted joke about white people and I got a long lecture.
Over on true crime CZcams when a person leaves the comment "usual suspect" under a video about a burglary you have Hundreds of upvotes but comments that say "usual suspect" under a video about serial killers or mass shooter...few upvotes and hundreds of comments giving OP a lecture.
Here's a joke a white people and true crime because of Samuel Little and Sueng-Hui Cho white people don't even have the highest body count in the crimes they're most represented in.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Bully Dad doesn't understand what resilience is at all.
He’s looking for a way to justify his bad behavior and make it a “virtue.” Poor kids. My own mother used the line, “I beat you because I cared.” Yeah, it was BS then, too.
father "makes fun" of kids, teaches them to accept abuse in future relationships so that they end up being treated like trash and don't even know that they deserve better
"My parents hit me and I was fine" say the parents whose emotional world falls apart if they don't get to vent their pent up anger onto their children and who feel cheated and indignant when the data shows it causes only harm and no benefit, because they were waiting all those years for *their* turn.
Even worse..he thinks he does
And his kids will turn into puddles when in a healthy workplace where they can't make discriminatory jokes. So, if it's one or the other anyway, I think I'd rather my kids turn to puddles in the unhealthy workplace. I think he maybe didn't think this strategy all the way through.
His kids are going to go out into the world, model this type of behavior, and end up getting sued for harassment.
@@lkeke35Straight up
Some parents are weird, we met a couple, the dad taught (teached?) his son to be extra competitive by playing dumb shit like who grabs the only muffin faster from the plate… didn’t visit them again…
That is very true. His kids will turn into the toxic podcast bros
Facts. I had a co-worker who blamed me because he made a sex "joke" at my expense...meer steps away from young children and their parents. You can guess who went straight to our boss. I didn't even have time to write him up before he was in the office.
Honestly this just gives your kid self esteem issues and makes them hate you.
This. All of this. 😡 Fucking hated my dad. Couldn't stand him and people wonder why. He was *just* like that guy.
Yes 💯
It sure did that for me.
This should have more likes.
I wonder what this guy would think when his kids meet other kids parents and realize how he treats them isn't right. He's gonna end up being one of those "I wonder why my kids don't visit me?" parents.
Exactly!
"But I did it for your own good!"
As if that made it any better. 🤦
Exactly! What are his kids going to think of him when they see other parents treat their children with love and support?👀
He's going to be the subject of several long Reddit posts where the responses will be the advice to go NC.
Bingo. My parents insulted my intelligence growing up to "motivate" me to get better grades (because apparently screaming at your kid for an hour is more productive than them doing homework for that hour?) and wonder why I'm always busy when they want to visit with me. Hmmm, can't imagine why, I mean besides the rampant transphobia, acephobia, misogyny and medical neglect....
Right!!?? Imagine his kids in a relationship later in life. They would think any kind of verbal abuse was ok, both to give and receive. That’s not how I wanted my children to live their lives.🙁
he's raising the next generation of trumpists I guess. Or he wants to save the jobs of psychologists ...
@@RandomGuy-lu1en true, we’re going to need lots of psychologists. Best thing we can do is encourage OUR kids to go into that field lol🤗
Let’s hope there are NEVER any more Trumps.😳
ah yes, teaching your kids to both BE toxic and verbally abusive, but also that "love" looks like verbal abuse, and that it is normal and acceptable to be treated that way.
SO HEALTHY!
And also in a more insidious manner, they totally disregard other people's emotions (as well as their own) ; they're basically not taught what empathy and emotional intelligence are. You can see how that can be extremely dangerous for a potential partner of theirs. It leads to SA. My ex who r worded me was exactly that kind of person, with that exact kind of dad. They learn to tolerate abuse and repeat it, sometimes in subtle and insidious ways, so that if the victim is traumatized themselves, they won't recognize it. They learn that emotions have no place, and don't understand how respect or consent work.
@@bottomofastairwell Especially the love part! He is teaching his kids to accept verbal abuse as normal in their homes and from their loved ones. How can you ever be happy if there is no place on Earth to escape abuse?😞❤️🐝
My 5 yo has learned how to stand up and say, "I don't like the way you're talking to me" which takes courage and vulnerability, which IS resilience...
right?? i... didn't have that growing up and now i have trouble even telling when i'm hungry, let alone when i need to leave. it's so, so important to listen to those signals or you stop being able to feel them after a while.
you're doing right by your kid. i'm glad to hear it 😊
Resilience comes from having a safe launch pad. If your home is a place where you are treated kindly, you have the strength to endure trauma later.
Yeah this guy's strategy is "give your kids cPTSD so later PTSD-inducing incidents seem trivial in comparison"
@@danakchampionwoah. Like, I *knew* this about myself, but actually seeing it spelled out exactly like that is kind of 😳?
To clarify... I'm one of those kids 😢
?
@@ChaoticAuthenticity Often that kind of shock realisation, the "oh shit" moment is the first step of healing. I hope you find your peace, friend.
Yep, this has been studied and documented. I used to get really envious when I met people who came from supportive, safe homes. I learned from them how to look after myself and it has been and still is a work in progress. I still remember a man in my workplace when I was in my early 30s, when after I'd made a teasing put-down remark to him he replied, "wow, you must not want good things for me."
Another one was my neighbour, a young Polish woman who, after I'd warned her about travelling and how she could have ended up being exploited, she smiled and said, "I tend to look up, not down."
It took a long time to get past feeling ashamed because I was taught to be a depressed and mean person by my parents. Every time I'd meet a healthy minded person, I would watch how they interact and learn how to do better.
Please don’t be your child’s first bully.
His kids will grow up to be the abusers. He knows that. The story he tells has his kid and your kid both being abused. What he really thinks will happen is his kid attempting to abuse your kid and your kid refusing to take it. That's what frightens him. That you didn't teach your kid to just take it.
Raising abusers that no one healthy wants to interact with, and no employer wants to deal with - HR
You forgot, these types of fathers can't let their daughters have brains because if they did, the daughters would know our worth.
teach your sons to be abusers, and teach your daughters to accept abuse. what a wonderufl father.
smh
I'm 62, and I approve of this message. It has taken me a lifetime to overcome this. 🐝 Blessed Bee
Reminds me of my Dad fearing me getting kickboxing lessons because I'd use it against him.
At that point, I'd developed enough resilience (living with Mom in middle school taught me what a safe landing pad felt like) to respond to him with direct eye contact, a cool face, and an even and curious tone with, "What would make me want to do that?"
He was smart enough to get it, by his expression, and we both dropped it.
No mean teasing. It's not fun. Gen X here and I'm resilient and don't tease.
Being Neurodiverse I've had to learn to model my behavior to specifically fit the people I meet or work with. 'Ive tried throughout my life to cause others the least amount of harm as possible, to ascertain what would harm or trigger them and then NOT doing that.
yeah it's like now i can't easily tease people because I'm actually mean or when they do it back I get really insecure.
Omg... that guy is abusive to his own children. Ugh. What a hateful person.
Being made fun of as a kid by my parental figures didn’t make me more resilient, it made me hide everything cause I didn’t want to be mocked.
If you can’t do something without being made fun of, you just stop doing stuff at all.
Also all jokes hold a bit of truth, especially when their repeated. If you call your kid fat once it’s probably just a joke, if you call your kid fat every week it stops being a joke and starts being a fact
Yep, I just learned not to ask for help and to suffer in silence. Because I'd rather struggle than be mocked for needing help, not receive the help, and still struggle.
Yup. This right here.
I never put 2 and 2 together til now... I just figured i didn't ask for help or share things i liked because I'm also the oldest sibling but gosh this hurts to realize. Thank you to the original commentator and to each of y'all who've shared in this thread. And i hope y'all take care on your healing journey.
@@waffles3629same
Same here - oldest child but never realized how this connects to my hiding everything I am from my parents... until now. Wow. @@fishInaPondBusyBusyLotsToDo
If my kid gets yelled at by a manager, I've taught him to take it to HR. And I've modeled how to leave an abusive relationship, so he definitely won't be dating that guy's child. 🧐
Same here!
It's important to note that HR might not do anything depending on the workplace. HR usually is just there to protect the company. Go to HR if you're not sure, but also make a record of everything in case HR doesn't do anything and you need to get a lawyer to sort things out.
You're right. Too many of us who were raised by toxic people don't realize when we're being abused or taken advantage of, whether in a relationship or work environment. Resilient people are made by raising them with love and respect.
This. I think I "lucked out" by having an over-the-top toxic family, so much so that I recognized it as a small child. My childhood was like an advent calendar, spent just ticking off days until I could escape. I had the fortune to be able to do very well out in the world by using the "do the opposite of what they'd do" philosophy. The ones who were raised to think it was "normal" were at a bigger disadvantage after they went out into the world.
Insidious, and more damaging in the long run.
@@b.w.6535 Not trying to silver line the issue, but I do try to tell myself that even the most toxic people can be used as a learning experience, even if they only exist as examples of "how not to be" a human being!
absolutely- i moved in with a guy that always made jokes about me in front of me in a disguised way (inside jokes) or when i wasn't around-- when we lived together it was so fucking bad I was begging him to stop treating me like my dad.... I was so used to it that it was hard to leave for many reasons. (luckily, this was a long time ago).
@@b.w.6535 yep. My parents might not be good parents, but they were good role models of what not to be.
🎯 My mother hated my first boyfriend when I was a teenager. She couldn't understand why I would be with him because he insulted me and stood me up all the time. Mostly she was mad that he controlled me, because if he was controlling me that meant that SHE was losing control of me. I wouldn't break up with him, so my mother called me a stupid slut and kicked me out the house. Gee.. I wonder why I felt right at home being in an abusive relationship? 🙄
Can we talk about how so much "resilience" shouldn't even be necessary? People call me resilient in part because I survived being SAed and abused as a kid, etc-that didnt have to happen.
It was let happen by a society that decided to let an SAer off the hook so he could move on to prey on me, and by parents who didn't teach me to recognize predatory behavior for what it was.
This is a very good point; resilience is often built around survival from crimes or illness, one of which is completely preventable and rarely punished. I'm sorry that happened to you, but thank you for sharing.
@@natsukitatsumakinijiThanks, friend. I hope the justice system one day will hold SAers as accountable as other violent criminals. Until then, teaching kids how to recognize predatory behavior is all we can do.
Same things happened to me. I'm so sorry we had to go through that. It shouldn't have happened, we shouldn't have had to do all of that work and sacrifices to keep on living, we shouldn't have had to endure all of that. We should've been helped. We should've been protected and kept safe. I'm so sorry.
Sending lots of love ❤
Kids, you're going to meet a lot of not great people out there in the real world. So, to prepare you, I'm going to start by being the worst of them all.
Yeah, that was my father's refrain. "the world won't treat you as well as home, so I have to train you to be tough." No one in the real world has ever treated me as badly as my father did. I never again had to live under the control of a bully. Even the abusive ex - I got away from him in less time.
@@b0thers0me I'm so, so, so sorry you faced that. Every child deserves a parent, but not all parents deserve a child.
My father was never physically abusive, but he was verbally abusive. He desperately wanted sons, but only had daughters, so he took that frustration out on us. We were never tough enough or smart enough. I credit my mother for showing me that kindness and empathy are important if you want to form healthy relationships.
For real. It was such a sad realization for me when I realized that no one had been as mean, rude or abusive to me in my life as my own mother
The first and the worst
I am all the way out of patience for people who say you have to 'toughen up because the world is cruel', rather than putting in the work to make the world better.
“Toughen up because the world sucks”
“Okay, shouldn’t we make it better then?”
“What are you a [every slur in the book]?”
I can see their kid's becoming traumatized and having years of therapy to pay to.
His kids will be unhappy and it will be all his fault
I had a friend brag to me about how he raised his daughter to never say “no” as if it was a bad word. He explained he never wanted her to talk back to him or tell him “no”. So I asked him “Does she know how to say ‘no’ if someone is hurting her?” And I could see his face have that sudden realization of what he just implied.
He back peddled and was like “oh of course she knows that” and I went on to explain that teaching children bodily autonomy is not teaching them to rebel against their parents, it’s teaching them the courage to say “no” to an abuser or leave a dangerous situation. But sadly, most abusers ARE trusted adults close to the family or child which makes it even MORE important to teach autonomy.
I suffered in silence for decades about my childhood abuse because the abuse was at the hands of my own family. My narc mother always claimed to be a child abuse advocate but forced me to keep silent about the abuses I endured within my own home.
There is no teacher, police officer, minister or human who has the authority to abuse me and I want kids to feel empowered enough to recognize that authority figures can be abusive and often hide behind the cloak of this authority. It’s not about teaching defiance, you are teaching self-defense.
My father never made fun of me, but it he DID teach me self-defense. My father never called me fat, but he did show me I was capable of anything including anything a man could do. My father never bullied me, but he showed me how to deal with bullies with diplomacy first & action when necessary. My father never called me a failure, but showed me time and time again not only how to fail with grace, but how to learn from those failures for the next time.
My father created one of the most resilient humans on this planet & did so without ever resorting to abusive tactics.
I was laughed at and made fun of constantly as a kid and it only made me shut down, withdraw, and don't tell anyone anything important about myself
If you make fun of your kids they won't visit you later in the home. And I wouldn't blame them.
Part of resilience is being able to recognize the various social cues that signify abuse and then temper oneself to the situation. Resilience means not internalizing the cruel things that happen to you and acknowledging when someone is being hurtful or to give empathy to someone else's hurt. Note: you are not obligated to respond with kindness. You can and should still draw borders on behavior or cut contact as the situation permits.
I feel so bad for that man's kids and the generational trauma he's intentionally f*king them up with.
I got in trouble when I was a kid because I was being teased by an adult. I asked them to stop teasing several times. I could not take it any more, I said something offensive back, and then I got in trouble. Thats when I realized adults are no better than kids. Don't tease your kids, and when you are being silly, make sure it is mutual and actually being well received. I don't like pranks and constant ribbing; my not-so-typical brain does not see it as fun most of the time.
You can teach your children resillience even in a loving and peaceful environment. You can teach them coping tools, how to plan and be brave and that they have safe people and spaces to return to and rely on after a shitty day. Almost everything in the world can be taught with compassion and nothing requires learning via abuse.
I would go further. And suggest that you can ONLY teach (and build) resilience in a loving and respectful environment!
Healthy coping happens when people have the space and safety to learn strategies and tools BEFORE they need them.
i was lucky enough for my abuser to teach me coping skills and confidence and stuff like that because she recognized a lot of the abusive patterns she was raised with.
not enough to stop it in the moment, mind, but enough for me to survive it.
abuse makes you less resilient, peace makes you more so.
He's not a good dad. His kids arn't going to make it to work because they're most likely going to be in jail for hate crimes. But if they do make it in, they will most likely be meeting HR and security as soon as they do for hate speech, bullying, and rampant sexual misconduct. He isn't teaching resilience, its one thing to teach your kids how to take a joke, its a completely another to humiliate, degrade, and tear them and others down.
Agree. And just think, would you want your kid romantically partnered with one of his?
@@kathydurow6814 omg, I would always want to help my kids spouses first, but trying to undo what could be a deep rooted abuse is hard especially without therapy. I'm lucky thought don't have to worry about that. Same with that Butliker guy, imagine listening to someone talk about your kid and that their life started when they met him. I was so angry when I heard him say that his wife's life started when she became a mom and wife. Uh no sir, her life started the day she was born the same as everyone else, she is her own person and has her own autonomy. I mean Ughhhhh 🤮
It reminds me of the saying, "What doesn't kill you, gives you unhealthy coping mechanisms." I would imagine the guy advocating bullying his kids has given them a multitude of unhealthy coping mechanisms (and probably a feeling of never being loved by their father).
My dad was his kind of dad. We no longer speak. I haven't seen him since my wedding 14 years ago.
I can imagine how in 20 years from now his kids will see that video and be like "oh dad, you were such an awful person" while they cross off the calendar the 4 year in a row with minimum contact with him
Also, as someone who was physically and verbally abused as a child, not only do you tend to normalize abuse but also you become incapable of defending yourself. Because you were abused at such a young age that you could not respond nor process what your own parent was saying to you, you just become incapable of reacting most of the time to any form of abuse. This doesn't teach resilience it only strengthens the fight or flight response and weakens your self esteem
That's right, and adding on about the flight or flight response, the body becomes conditioned to being in that constant state of stress so it causes cumulative damage if not addressed.
Yeah, I don't think a person should emotionally abuse their kids to make them "stronger". All it will teach them is a model of toxicity and to accept emotional abuse from someone in a position of authority. Pain doesn't make someone stronger. It just makes them feel hurt.
I joke with my kids all the time but i never make fun of them! I never beat them down! There is a big difference between joking and having fun or belittling your children!
As someone who had an abusive parent who like the choad in the stitch felt like they were doing their job as parents by abusing us and “teaching us what the world was like” I’m glad this jerk is on blast from the internet
That guy is going to not even feel bad when his kids don’t talk to him once they’re grown and will probably just tell himself he’s a stoic martyr for “doing what the kids needed”
THIS ! Yes, my dad and I make fun off each other and use Dark humor from time to time, but my parents learned me to recognise what is abuse and what is meant to be playful, and when a joke is Bad or straight up not ok, we talk about it.
That's the only correct way to make fun of your kids, to be sure that they will tell you if it is not funny anymore.
And once they say its not funny anymore, listen to them, and stop doing it.
Another important fact: research has shown that whether an adverse event leaves trauma or not does not depend on the severity of the event but rather if the individual in question has a reliable support network or not. This man's children will be traumatized because part of what should be their support network is the source of adversity.
From my perspective he's just saying these things as an excuse for his terrible outlook and behaviour. He knows deep down that it's wrong, which is why he's trying to rationalise the abuse. If he genuinely cared about his kids he would have looked up whether what he believe was true or not. He didn't. I am very excited to see his shorts on his ungrateful children who never want to talk to him.
This is absolutely right. I've known people who went through horrific trauma as children and they didn't come out as basket cases. I used to say that the trauma I experienced wasn't nearly as bad as what others went through. I wasn't coping as well as an adult. The difference? Everyone of those people I knew had some sort of support network. I had none. It seemed like the blows were coming from all directions. People I knew who'd gone through serious abuse told me that they had an aunt or a grandma or a foster parent, someone who was their lifeline.
I'm not the only example, of course, of how not having a lifeline changes how past trauma is dealt with in life. One of the most damaging aspects is how you get so used to not having a lifeline that you start pushing people away and then when you enter your older years, there's no one around because you didn't make enough connections with others to create a support network.
It takes a lot of healing to get past such an ingrained response to being traumatised.
Having grown up in an environment that was closer to Tough-Nuts Dad's philosophy, I think yours is the one that rocks better, Chesko. His kids won't grow up 'resilient;' they'll grow up to be either abuse-sponges or abuse-scatterguns, because their definition of what's normal and healthy interactions has been completely screwed.
Absolutely agree!
Another thing to remember is that children aren’t some nebulous hive mind that turn into individuals as they grow. Just like adults, their humour and what resilience looks like for them will be unique to each of them.
My one of my kids would’ve absolutely laughed his head off to be called fart face, whereas another would’ve had an existential crisis. But equally that same first child would’ve had a full blown meltdown when faced with a food they disliked, while the second would try it and just say “nope, still don’t like it”
Resilience isn’t linear and every child (hell, every person) is an individual.
I feel like you peeked into my life and talked about two of my children 😂
If I make my children endure discriminatory, abusive joking and teach them, that they should not feel bad about being treated in that way, I’m conditioning them to accept abuse. On top of that, they could come to the conclusion that it is not bad behavior to behave in the same way towards other people in their life.
The shallowness of this person’s understanding of social skills in general and how power dynamics work is hard to put in kind and appreciative words. I could say, putting that person down with words would be, what he expects, but fortunately I’ve had better education from my parents than his children seem to get.
The fact that bully dad's eyes dart around constantly and everywhere but at the camera makes him look shifty af. I feel as if some part of him knows he's spouting toxic BS
I noticed that too, and wondered if it was because he's so conditioned to abuse that some part of his brain is subconsciously waiting for something/someone to attack him constantly.
He's got cop eyes.
Maybe it would be better to teach your kids that you respect their boundaries? There are somethings that happen or that they do that will be funny to them. You can joke about those. Other things they might be embarrassed about, so show your respect by not turning those into a joke.
I am a big fan of joking with your kids and teaching them that mistakes and gaffes can be funny rather than traumatic, but I think just making fun of your kids all the time would probably teach them the opposite. I think if it were me I'd realize that everything I did was subject to needling and scrutiny.
there's a difference between making fun of your kids and playfully making jokes with them that theyre okay with. Saying this as someone who experienced both as a kid. I could definitely feel the difference between being called a fat dumbass from one side and just some fun playful comments from the other side when we were hanging out playing video games or something lol
Making fun with your kid is okay. What this dude is doing polishing his ego using his kid as a rag.
I'm going to bet the same fella is going to call their kid an idiot when they're burnt out and physically ill from trying to survive that toxic workplace...
I can't 'thank' my father for much of the growing up part (that was almost wholly my mother, she got custody), but I really didn't expect to be called an idiot...
Also setting up a boundary as natural will stop a lot of tough "ribbing" before it turns ugly.
This is rooted in toxic masculinity. It affects everyone, but men especially are expected to endure abuse to prove their toughness.
Notice how so many reality shows expect participants to just sit there and take it when the people who have the power over whether they get to advance or not scream in their faces and criticize them. The victims aren't allowed to break down in tears, lash out in anger or just walk away.
How can you expect to sing or model clothes or cook a gourmet meal if you can't endure being yelled at and insulted by someone who has power over you?
I think of Two and a half men and the Cannes laughter...
I'm a woman, and I noticed long ago how normalized it is for older male authority figures (dads, coaches, teachers, etc) to show they "care" by constantly berating and belittling the younger boys and men under their authority. Yes being a girl is extremely hard in its own way, but I've seen so many little boys treated like they're in boot camp. It's utterly tragic, especially when there's no love or affection to counter it. The patriarchy loves to raise cannon fodder so when they turn 18, young men have learned their only purpose is to willingly turn their bodies over to be broken.
Yes, and this also ties in with how men outnumber women 8 to 1 in narcissistic personality disorder. Men are literally taught to have a personality disorder which, only 20 years ago was accepted as a "normal" part of being a man.
It goes without saying "not all men."
thank you for this. i grew up in the kind of household the guy in the video is idealising, and all it’s done is turned me into a fawning, people-pleasing knot of anxiety with terrible self-talk and zero belief in my own capabilities, intelligence and general worth as a human being.
my chosen family is now made up of kind, compassionate and thoughtful people like you, and i’m on the way to healing - oh, and my current workplace is the most relaxing and supportive environment, with a boss that encourages professional growth AND self-care, because the two go hand in hand.
My husband was doing a work placement at a grocery store. He was told the store manager sometimes likes to holler at workers when he's upset. We're both way too old to take that, and we're in a position where we wouldn't be in dire straits if the placement didn't work out, so I suggested that if he were to find himself in the line of fire, my husband should bring out some gentle parenting lines. Like boss starts shouting and husband says, "Hey Friend, it sounds like you're having some big feelings right now," and if boss interrupts, tell him to "catch a bubble".
Bro's either raising the future school bully or the quiet kid, the type to not see anything wrong with their weird ass kids
Calling quiet kids “weird ass kids” is pretty shitty
@@ajustice I'm sorry if you didn't like that, but for me, quiet kids are weird, and I say that as a quiet kid lmao
@@Pratt11 Being a quiet kid yourself doesn't make it okay to crap on other quiet kids. Call yourself a weird ass person, fine. But you're making excuses to bully others when you insist on calling others weird ass kids.
Be better.
@@clockside- The trope of the "quiet kid" comes from the old saying "it's the quiet ones you have to worry about" and it is based on old testimonials of when serial killers or mass shooters are caught and the neighbours all say, "he was so quiet and kept to himself, didn't bother anyone."
Look up Columbine for the stereotype which is based in fact. The "quiet kid" is the typical personality of mass school shooters.
It doesn't mean "the quiet kid is weird." It means because they end up being a mess, that behaviour is weird.
No need to take it personally. It doesn't mean "all quiet kids are weird." Not at all. The quiet part isn't even relevant. It just so happens that serial killers and mass shooters fit a stereotype.
If you really want to get offended look up some of the jokes from black comedians about "when the quiet white kid starts ranting about how he's fed up with everything, that's when I run!" Me too. Me too.
It’s wild how many parents will say some shit like, “I’ll hurt kids so that when the world hurts them too, they’ll be ready for it!” and not realize that “ready” just means “trained to accept the hurt as if it’s love.”
If the people who are supposed to love you hurt you all the time, you’ll probably think people hurting you is love when you grow up. Don’t raise your kids to think people who hurt them is love: Don’t hurt your kids.
💯💖. So sorry for that guy's kids and their future relationship woes and a whole extra, _deliberate_ piece of baggage to unpack
I get the feeling that he's trying very hard to justify the fact that he wants to get away with being an asshole by normalizing bad behavior.
This. He stinks of a raging bigot who found an outlet for it.
There's a difference between showing negative things and doing negative things to your children. I want to talk about an example about pets, but it's applied to people as well, just more complicated with people. When you have a kitten or a puppy, you want to expose them to different incentives, like touch and hold them gently in different ways, touching their paws with different textures, turning on loud devices. The goal is to show them that overwhelming things are actually safe and reduce animal's stress at the vet, at the street or in house. Adult animals sometimes can't learn that and constantly have stress. And some people take that as an excuse to abuse animals and this people shout at them, ignore pet's body language and basically putting them in constant fear
To be honest, anyone who begins a sentence with ‘I’m a good parent’ in full confidence, is guaranteed to prove themselves wrong with the next thing that flies out of their mouth. All the best parents I’ve ever met, spend their time riddled with self doubt and worry ‘did I get that right?’ ‘Am I doing ok?’ ‘I think I’ve fucked that up’ ‘I hope I’m not failing my kids’
And all the worst parents, declare themselves the best. Can’t tell if it’s arrogance, or ignorance or just plain delusion.
No one who loves their kid is going to sit down and think "I should really start hurting my kids so they'll be better prepared for getting hurt as adults." No, this is just another case where the abuse comes first, and then the abuser comes up with a way to justify it. It's not even a good excuse.
Yes, this is sometimes the case, but let's not forget that there is a large portion of the population who still preaches "spare the rod and spoil the child" before they've even had kids. They literally plan on being abusive because "it says so in my holy book!"
Or my kid is going to call HR and help serve their work community by getting change. Sure, the change won’t always happen. But it won’t happen if nobody says anything.
True that. I could not recognize or stand up to abuse until I realized I was abused all throughout my childhood. A teacher got mad at me and my friend for changing her welcome sign on the board to be more decorative during a school event, and guess who did the pushups in front of the class when she demanded it, and who didn't, instead standing up for themselves. My parents can say "stand up for yourselves" all they want, but its just superficial when they taught me that doing so means getting punished.
My husband grew up in a home where the kids were constantly belittled and made fun of. I can assure you, it leaves some real ugly scars that take decades to heal, and only if they recognize it.
Dude's not raising resilient kids, he's raising future bullies with a very skewed perception of what normal human interaction is.
It reminds me of a post I saw that said "Don't treat kids with kindness because the real world is not kind" and someone replied "OR maybe put that effort into making the real world kinder?"
So for his kids, it'll be normal to be humiliated, insulted, and abused by the men closest to them. Having their bodies shamed, their behavior mocked, their identities attacked. That's not resilience. That's abuse.
Adults that experienced abusive parents often have a weird level of resilience BUT although we can maybe deal with the situation better at the time, I can guarantee that the anxiety and upset we are bottling up (because we had to) does so much bloody damage in ourselves and our home lives.
You know when you hear about a sad old man in the nursing home that no one ever visits?
Sometimes there's a good reason for that.
I've realized we don't speak up for the kids we see being abused by adults because: 1) Retaliation to the speaker; nobody wants any family to lose a job, car, home, etc. to retaliation for speaking up 1 time for 1child, but 2) Retaliation to the abused child is assured if a parent is embarrassed; nobody wants to turn a bad day into a horrific one for that child. I'm so sorry if I (as an adult) didn't speak up for you as a child. I'm watching and listening for a better way to do things; we both need a better world.
joke is on him because resilience comes from having good self esteem and the emotional boundaries to realize that someone acting like that isn't your problem. Being bullied, abused, or traumatized creates more sensitive people who aren't able to cope with conflict as easily.
I was raised in a narcissistic family. That was a tactic often used to BREAK the females in the household. It has taken me years to even begin to undo all the damage. I'm in my 50's.
And who's raising those abusive managers, who can without getting in no trouble be throwing fits at the office?
Of course abusers exist but that guy is raising his kids to be willing victims of abuse based on an imaginary man-child manager? And posting it on the internet all proud of it? I wish this was a joke but this means he expects positive feedback on it (or more likely rage clicks). Poor kids.
Resilience doesn't come from being bullied by your parents and friends. It comes from self-worth and recognizing ones self-worth. So children with loving parents will be more resilient in the end anyway. Struggle makes you hard not resilient.*
*Obivious there are boudries and every person is different. And you can't let your kids push you around and be there for their every whim but love and experience it, is what makes a person truely strong.
This results in adults who think they're being winey or "can't take a joke" if they even think about speaking up against something that makes them uncomfortable. Not to mention a lack of empathy for people who do share when they're uncomfortable or upset. That person is going to be emotionally, mentally, and socially isolated. These are not positives.
When I saw the title of the video, I thought that this would be something cute and funny. In my family, teasing is fine if EVERYBODY is laughing. If somebody gets upset or says no, then we don't tease like that. Because we're not abusive.
Making 'fun' of your kids does not mean that each one will absorb it the same way. Some might become abusive assholes who lack empathy and others might become fragile about criticism. The calmest, most resilient people I know have a background of love and support from their family, not abuse disguised as 'ribbing'.
Most kids have than enough opportunities to learn how to deal with bullying and abuse at school and from their peer groups. To learn how to deal with abusive behavior in a healthy way, they need a safe space to come home to at the end of the day, where non-abusive behavior is the norm, where they will always be accepted for who they are, and to heal from the abuse of the world.
It's only when you stumble upon a healthy workplace/friendgroup/romantic partner and get an absolute whiplash from being treated with respect and dignity that you finally begin to realize how messed up your home environment was 🙃
He’s teaching that bullying is ok and appropriate.
The kids won't be a puddle on the floor because they'll have the self-confidence that comes from growing up being loved and learning to love yourself. The kind you don't get if you're constantly being torn down by the people closest to you
I'll never forget my first job at a fast food restaurant I was on night shift and I was the only half Hispanic working that shift and I have light/ white skin. The night manager started calling me "Guera" or " La Guera" it means light skined or light hair. Sometimes it's used as a name to belittle someone. To test this I went to the manager and said I know my skin is white but would you please call me by my name. She said "Oh but that is what you are so that is what WE will call you" the next night all the staff was calling me Guera I politely asked rhem to just use my first name. They laughed at me. The night manager wouldn't give me the same standard training that the chain requires. She would show me how to do one or two things and then yell at me about not doing it right. She would do things like tell me to take apart the ice cream machine to wash it. When I told her I wasn't traind on hiw to do it she would laugh and say "just figure it out" and while I was trying to take it apart she would yell that I was taking too long, i should do it faster, but also if I broke anything then repaires would come out if my check.
I hated it there I wanted to quit I wanted support from my parents. I told my mom she said "That's just how jobs are. You're going to have to get used to it." I stuck it iut for another two week and then quit. My mom said, " I guess you can't actually handle the stress of having a job."
I now realize that my first job was in an abusive environment. I also relalize that my mom created an abusive environment at home.
I don't really tlak to her. I wonder what type of relationship the guy who teases his kids is going to have in the future.
making fun of your kids to make them tougher takes less effort as a parent, but teaching kids the difference between healthy and abusive is much harder
As someone who has been made fun of by family members CONSTANTLY, the result of that was there were many skills I didn't develop with fear of being made fun of. Dancing? Singing? Photography? How willing would you be to take up those knowing you'd be the butt of everyone's joke next family dinner?
Not only will his kids learn to take abuse, but they'll also mirror his behavior and think it's okay to abuse others
I think that one important reason we should show our children love is so that when they leave home, they look for places and people that make them feel loved and respected like we did.
He really think he's doing something clever, enough so that he's willing to go tell everybody like this... poor kids!
I raised in this kind of environment, at least when my mother married my step father. And before that, I was raised by my grandmother, who was very nurturing, although she was also insistent that learn how to treat other people right. So, I am of multiple minds on this. On the one hand, when I entered Basic training in the military, it was actually a relief, at least the drill sergeants were yelling at everyone instead of just me. And sometimes, yes, you do just have to take it for whatever reason and it is skill one should be able to do when necessary (the military being one of them). On the other hand, I also learned when I don't have to take it (the vast majority of the time) I can and do also stand up for myself and demand better treatment.
Also, I ended up cutting all contact with my parents. It's not something I wanted to do, but I realized I felt like crap about myself every time I saw them and I just got tired of feeling that way.
So, I don't know. Did that kind of environment 'toughen me up'? Or was it the environment before that? I THINK the nurturing environment was what created the parts of myself I like but I really have no idea.
Thank you for working to break the cycle...not just in your own family but for others as well. You make the world a better place by what you do.
The quickest way to telegraph to the world that you’re a terrible parent is to confidently introduce yourself with the line “I’m a good parent.”
Kids, the world is a fcked up place, so I'll give you a head start.
Knowing how to recognize abuse is KEY 🔑 👌
a father making "you're mom" jokes about your kids is also shaming the woman you chose to have those kids with, you're partner-shaming too
Right??
Have experienced both, I can say for sure that the healthier home environment allowed me to develop a lot more resilience and strength. The bad one just made things a lot harder than they needed to be for a long time. You are spot on about the difference between playful teasing and cruelty, and that learning to recognize and reject abuse puts you ahead in life.
There is a difference between teasing and abusing. He is the latter.
Even better than teaching your kids to walk out of an abusive workplace, teach them how to organise and form a union and improve that toxic environment into a better place, so that nobody has to put up with that boss.
I think it depends on your kids. I have one who loves teasing and gives it right back, and another who finds any amount of teasing unfunny and hurtful so I don't do it. Teasing to teach your kids to "toughen up" or that is mean spirited or unwanted is abusive IMO.
The research on resilience shows that kids who have at least one loving, stable, supportive adult in their lives are more likely to become resilient. NOT kids who dads are dicks to them.
What about kids who had one loving stable supportive adult in their lives who was also their first bully? ❤️🩹🥴
@@danakchampion if the adult is a bully, they aren’t also the stable adult a child needs.
It's amazing how many people will tell you that you're 'fragile' and 'delicate' just because you have enough self-respect to know that you don't have to kneel before them.
Kids and teens can learn to be independent and resilient with encouragement to overcome their fears and gently expand their comfort zone. Abusing kids is never right.
In Master Resiliency Training, MRT. Pretty much the exact opposite is taught. You don't abuse your loved ones, you fold into them, you explain what you are bothered by and explore what causes those emotions and reactions. You don't do it by abuse and belittlement. Resilience is the ability to not bend and not break. It is built on a foundation of inner strength and a solid network of support.
But, hey, that's just the bend don't break training of the US Army. What do those sissies know?
"make fun of your kids" there's a difference between banter and abuse, you should be teaching your kids to how to recognize each and how to leave if it's abuse
I hear you. I put up with so much abuse from employers. From death threats to harassment. I should have walked away.
And the kids are giving it back... Not often you see someone proudly declare that they're raising abusers and bullies
I've worked at amazing and terrible workplaces with bosses that match. It's been my experience that if you have an abusive boss, it's okay to turn into a puddle. It's what you do after that matters. Usually, if I have a puddle experience because of an abusive supervisor, I make sure every interaction with the supervisor is recorded in written emails, audio files, video files or photographic files. These protect me from unfair (il)legal concerns, but are also what my past higher-ups want/need to understand the details for reports. 3/5 supervisors were corrected for behavior by the higher-ups; 2/5 supervisors were fired. The other 6 supervisors I've had were all moderate to lovely people to work with. Resilience, in my experience, is figuring out which battles to fight and how to fight for healthy workplaces, or knowing when it's possible to change and when it's best to quit; submission is taking the abuse and telling yourself it's normal to have apathy, instead of dealing with the problem; being a leader is empowering others to build resilience and go with you; being a hero is protecting those who've turned into puddles from the abusive supervisors. (Edit: I've been in the workforce for 20 years and have lived in 11 different cities, so I've had 11 different jobs.)
I love dark humour and bad jokes, sometimes about the person. When the rapport is there and you say it lovingly like mentioned (fart face).
Being abusive is why so many people have to have a chosen family. Or because their parents don't interact because they're too traumatized to want to interact with their kids anymore. Not resilient.
Boundaries and consequences are important.