INFJ Thoughts: Love and Infatuation
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2024
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.
❤️Beautiful reminder.
Love is all about good intentions
I think a person has to have a certain level of maturity and self love going into a relationship. That maturity may come with experience, self awareness, and most importantly a willingness to improve. My 20 something self loved differently than my older self. Love is not selfish and all about me. Its about we. Its not just about my romanticized "we" but about the other's "we" too. Its about each others' needs getting met and not just wants. Its about freedom and not possession. Its about trust and friendship. Its cooperation without either person losing their core self. Its not violent or self destructive. Its about forgiveness with two imperfect people but not enabling destructive behavior. Its mutual agreement on the contract of the relationship and open to renegotiations depending on current circumstances. Its about respecting boundaries and admiration for each other. Infatuation tends to be based on fantasy of ideal partner than reality and can be selfish sometimes. Relationships may start with infatuation but it needs to build on reality and getting to know each other better. It takes two very honest, mature people to make that happen and, of course, compatibility with similiar values etc. People have to get past the honeymoon stage of a relationship and have disagreements to see how it might work out.
The problem with me was loving the wrong people, always seeking for love- too giving- too trusting- thats why i was abused mentally, verbally, emotionally, monetarily. All sorts- since i couldn’t find love and acceptance in my family- i lost myself trying to please others, i forgot myself. As i grew older, I learned to love myself first before anyone could love or accept me.
Hehe thank you so much! Really nice to hear your thoughts on this :) I feel like INFJs get very strong feelings when infatuated... I have definitely believed I was in love, I know now it wasn't the real thing 😏
I appreciate you sharing these deep insights on two very important topics, that everyone faces. For an INFJ in 20s, your thoughts have provided invaluable fodder to my future judgements. Subtle topics like these are rarely addressed and being difficult to share them, puts us more at the risk of delusion! Would love more such insightful videos...
I really needed to hear this! It's almost impossible to understand the difference between love and infatuation until you've experienced the pain of infatuation and realize that the emotional pull and attraction feel amazing but can ruin you in the end if the other person isn't going to reciprocate anyway, or if they really aren't someone who will share your world, as you put it.
Love in my interpretation conceptually and experientially boils down to basic understanding. Infatuation is lacking discernment or even the will to discern another human being honestly. When someone overcomplicates understanding it becomes another thing entirely. Also I view love in relation to time in terms of growth as a human being, and the interaction between knowing what’s realistic and what is not. Being a gentleman/woman with humanity. This may be controversial, but romantic love is irrelevant in my eyes because it has the capacity to keep certain individuals from being human and of pure creation. Causing frenzy and destruction in one way and peace in another. Love is the one word where a tearing down and a building up coexist until there becomes no separation.
I believe what you're explaining at around 9:00 might be more of an attachment style issue rather than INFJ specific. My bf is an INFJ with a secure attachment style and he doesn't really overthink whether I truly love him and is very pure in that sense, whereas I (with a more anxious insecure leaning attachment style) as an INFP still tend to overthink intentions sometimes X(.
Your thoughts are so beautiful! Younger INFJs definitely need to watch this. It may seem like an exaggeration, but this video really helped me to change my perception of love. I watched this a few months ago, I felt so overwhelmed (in a good way) and relieved. I wanted to see if the change in my mindset really persists, and it did. I used to be stuck in the regret of mistakes made due to infatuations in the past, trying to make sense of what happened. Now I'm really happy to realize that actually I've been in love only with my family and a very few close friends.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience, you're very kind. Also, I'm glad to hear about your relationship with your INFJ partner ❤... so pure and real.
yes without self-love we will easily look outwards to receive that love and fill the void within us. It also makes us desperate and we will become people-pleasing and may also get involved with toxic people. but self-love is not something easier because of the critic that lives in us.
So true - when I show more feeling, the person becomes more distant. I was told that I over-read into things. The suspense in delayed texts kills ...
Probably the most insightful video I’ve yet to see! I’m 62, gay, INTP, and have never been infatuated or in love. Maybe it’s because of having CPTSD, but the jury’s out on hating myself, which is a byproduct of having that. I’m fairly self aware, and think I’d know @ 62 lol. I’ve loved my pets over the years, but people are another story. Perhaps unwittingly having had relationships with narcissists, and pointing out their flaws, (which were low hanging fruit that I couldn’t resist,,and made feel stupid for being jerks) ending with my infamous INTP “door slam” could have something to do with it. Too bad INFJ’s are so few and far between. Without intending to usually, I make mince meat out of people. Gays especially. I’m endowed with some impressive family jewels, that’s the luck of the draw, but my brain’s much sexier. Sometimes I think I’m reduced to body parts. What good are body parts without having a brain to facilitate them? My favorite movie’s John Water’s “Female Trouble” and Dawn Davenport’s my alter ego lol.
I think the Jungian theory of the anima and animus is a pretty good representation of how infatuation works. I also think your mom is cracking the wisdom whip hard! Nice work mammy.
I have had some recent stirrings of what could become love, and these have been long dormant. It makes me think that all those pickup and dating coaches seem to be based on relationships being a contract rather than an emotional bond. I think this may at least partly explain the bad state of play of modern dating. While a healthy relationship has to have give and take, when love is present there is no real measurement of the balance of give and take (sure some take advantage of this). Everything is willing, giving and receiving are the same. I do feel that some people are so compatible it seems like it was 'mean to be' when they meet. They are soooo lucky. Many compatible couples say this. An observation I have had which many people can't seem to see, is the similarity in faces of couples. Someone should make a dating website based on facial characteristics - there's another idea for someone!
Loving yourself first!
Your video was spot on was perfect! Totally in agreement w/your words, you spoke truth! Thank you so much! 🤗♥️
Romance is infatuation - make me feel good, you want affection and care from the person
Understanding is admiration - want you to feel good, you respect the essence of the person
Romance + Understanding = love
Love yourself at least a bit is good advice.
Thank you for showing so much vulnerability ❤️
I finished reading Proust's "Swann In Love" this afternoon. It is a torturous description of infatuation. I felt everything with Swann. We've all been there. So many examples--and it is not a good feeling. There is a book out though I have not read it called "Love and Limerence" by Dorothy Tennov.
Love is sharing a world, that's it!
Imagine havin an artificial intelligence as a wife AND she's an isfj with 100% faithfulness and 100% loyalty, I'm anti human when it comes to love
People always say “don’t confuse infatuation with love” but what happens when you confuse love for infatuation? Great topic.
thank you for being so open and share us your beautiful experience and thoughts ..
I appreciate ..
and i agree with you totally ... i used to say to the one who hurts me by rejecting or ignoring " i loved you when i didn't love my self " and i mean that completely .. it's a truth ..
thank you for enlightening us ..
I have a "reputation"online of doing this. It's sad, because recently, I have discovered these are in fact, platonic infatuations, but because I couldn't possibly imagine such strong feelings being anything other than romantic... but they were not. They were never sexual, and my romantic feelings are ALWAYS sexual lol. Let me clarify, I joke sexually A LOT, but I meant true sexual feelings... not one said in jest lol. But they are still "treated" as non-platonic and I am just "weird" to everyone. :(
Yes, I know how I come across. :p People do avoid me and have actually stopped talking to me because of this (some of which you know!) because of my tendency to throw up Fe all over them. But the desperation was so intense that I threw away any inhibitions to try and capture a true friendship. All this has helped me see a lot. It will be so interesting to see as people start to understand that... how they will treat me then. Probably the same, cause who wants to be bombarded like that whether its platonic or not? But... knowing and accepting there is a problem are the first steps to correcting behaviors. :)
But this topic of infatuation is interesting, because have you ever known someone to be non-romantically infatuated? There is still idealization, putting on pedestals, and strong feels. Which is why I had been confused in the past. But now I can clearly! It's light a light has been turned on. :) I still , though... do not know anyone else like this. :/
loved this subject!!!
Issue is we can’t find a person that wants “we” when we want it usually.
I love this video. Good job REN! ❣️❣️❣️❣️
Great video! Keep up the good work REN:)
Love to me has to do with creational flow, To me the poetic mien is not something to write about and put up on a shelf to take down and read I use the poetic mien to wild /scape food and free hold goats that i feed roses to while I milk them/ to me love is trading roses to a goats for milk, its planting roses out side your window and having a small porch and steps leading up to that window so you can pick them and sleep with them and shower the one sleeping next to you in the poetic mien, the poetic mien is how great art is made and how having a great love comes about , being in love/is being in with somebody who's capable of love, for me love is easy full of flow and making a real life in the poetic mien is really doable but then of course im an INFP!/lol
You're cute... I'm infatuated..lol... and love the way you distinguish the difference between love and infatuation. I agree 100%
I read somewhere that love is selfish. You love a person because you love the way they make you feel. I tend to agree with that.
As my personal experience, I never experienced infatuation or love. When I tell people that love doesn’t exist, including my wife, they start laughing. I don’t understand that reaction. Attachement exists though.
Ren, have you ever looked into enneagram tritypes? In my perspective, it can explain the different flavours an MBTI type might have. It does for me
By the way, my wife is ESTJ, the most toxic for the INFJ apparently. I think that the female being the ESTJ and the male being INFJ softens the stereotype. I admire her Te, but her inferior Fi can be a problem sometimes.
I know that the way I look into the world gets distorted by my thinking.
So I think that always having an open heart for the other, might be love. I think feeling with an open heart is the/a love-pattern.
When I think of myself with someone I love, then I think what would help is feeling like bringing myself to physical relaxation, so I can find that 'open heart' space for the other. Because tension, creates thinking and that influences the destress in the heart. Creating closed off-ness or just a disturbance in connection.
So maybe the willingness to enjoy and ease into a state of being there with a full, spacious and opennness for the other, seems to be love.
I also think this might be love, cause I see how it could work the other way around.
(reciprocated) flowing back and forward.
I have no idea with certainty tho. so I guess I'll stay curious about this topic.
I know what hasn't worked. How it effected feelings of worthlessness. created ehm fixation (stuck in feeling and thinking) and neediness or panic even.
Desire and despair taking turns. confidence and hopelessness taking turns. Regret and boasting/arrogance taking turns. in other words: spiralling cause of stress into unhealthy patterns.
I'm happy for you that you have this insight. Thank you for sharing this insight with us. I'm looking forward to your next videos!
My wish for you is that you'll have a wonderful day!
greetings from The Netherlands
- enfj 2w3
I'm random af... but what is your favorite Irish foods and drinks or activities from when you lived there? can you do a top 10 or something? XD hahaha I'm just curious.
I'm also curious what dreams or wishes you have for the future when it comes to ehm .... what your interests are. Would you travel again? What would you see yourself doing?
What have you observed about different personalities from the different cultures and workplaces, etcetera?
I'm also curious what the Ultimate 'Rens Room' would be like? omgggg would be fun to hear! my entp friend tells me that she would create a villa but every room as a library hahaha.
Have you ever been to the Netherlands? Would you ever consider doing meet-ups with other mbti-ers that catch your interest?
do you prefer to be a bohemian type of person or a person who would love to get stinking rich and why?
If you'd be an actor or auteur: what mbti personality would you like to deep dive into?
Do you prefer nature or city living or something else?
I have too many questions lol . but idk I'm excitingly curious honestly!
You are posting gems.
Thank you :-)
Aother great topic Ren. Nice name by the way Renaud.....Ahh love and infatuation. You van talk about this topic for DAYS on end. Bottom Line indeed is, if you REALLY want to love someone, you first have to love and accept yourself FIRST. At least a little bit. OTHERWISE IT is not possible. BECAUSE you end up filling your OWN GAP of needing attention and affection, because you don,t love YOURSELF......I learned in recent YEARS that gap Will BECOME ENIRMOUS.....if you don,t accept yourself. So this becomes impossible to fill for any partner. Very important TOPIC......Gr Hans
On another note, thank you for this video. Life lessons 101 for real.
May I request that you outline each talk by talking points? Perhaps that would make it clearer and shorter.
Thanks for the feedback!
How would you type Martin Heidegger, if you're familiar with him and his works?
Intj : )
I’m having the same experience at the moment - infatuation. Any advice on how to get over it? I want it to be over. Please. I’m INFJ, too.
It's hard to know how to get over infatuation... I'm not sure there is any rule. Keeping busy at something you're passionate about is a good approach I think; another approach is of course developing an interest in someone else :)
#redpillknowledge
Taylor the fiend
Strong successful male
Better bachelor
Replicant phish
Its impossible for me to become infatuated with any human woman on earth because I'm so red pilled lol