Top 40 Jokes in the Bible - Don't Laugh Challenge Video!
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- čas přidán 31. 03. 2022
- David and Seth compete in a "Don't Laugh Challenge" this April Fool's Day with the Internet's best 20 Bible jokes plus 20 of our very own. What's your favorite Bible joke/pun? Answer in the comments!
To view all our serious (and free) Bible study resources, visit www.SpokenGospel.com
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#Top40BibleJokes #DadJokes #AprilFools - Krátké a kreslené filmy
The oldest computer was in the garden of Eden. It was an Apple 🍎 with very limited capacity. Had only 1 byte and everything crashed 😂
Adam took a bite too. 2 bytes 😁
Wowww 😅😅👏👏
I need a share button on these comments today!
I´m from germany, not so Biebelsfest, but this one got me LOL... absolutly my favorit
After the Apple with a byte a MSDOS result. (a Mess Does result).
What was Boaz before he was married??…… ruthless 😂
ooooh this is a good one! :)
😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
Noiceeeee 😅😅😂😜😂
😂😂😂
GOD: Cain, where is your brother?
Cain: He wasn't Abel to make it. 🤣🤣🤣
😂
🤣🤣🤣
OH NOOOOO
😂
😂😂😂😂😂 no this one knock me out
I’m so thankful I’ve read my Bible enough to understand all of these 🤣
Me too
Good job😇👍
Heck Yeahhh!!! Hooray for Bible nerds!
me too.
Can you please explain the canon joke to me? I don't get it
Who knew the most people in the Bible? I don’t know but Abraham knew a Lot😂
It took a good 7 seconds for my brain to calibrate that one 😂
@@maryadedokun2405 took me to read your comment to get it 🤣🤣
Ooh love that 😂
I don’t get it
Ohhh okay
- Jesus, how do you like your steak?
- Well done my faithful servant, Well done.
😂🤣😂🤣
Ah! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Yep... A classic! I almost typed that one. Lol
L.o.l.
😂😂😂
There was a faithful elderly woman who lived in a duplex.
Her next door neighbor was an angry atheist.
He could hear the elderly woman praying everyday and he hated it.
One day he heard her praying that she had no food and no money.
So he went to the store and bought her a week's worth of groceries. He said to himself "this will prove there is no God because I did all the shopping!!"
When he showed up at her doorstep with food she praised the Lord "thank you God for answering my prayers!" And the atheist said "God didn't do it I did!!"
And she praised God again saying "and you made your hater pay for it!!"
This made me laugh out loud. ROFL
It’s hurts to laugh that hard 😂😂😂😂
@@whitney9844
same here!! :D
Nah, it's not that funny. I've seen other jokes in the comments, they're way better.
It's and you made the devil pay for it
I am 73 years old and remember when a mouse was a little furry creature and a hard drive was when I went to see my mother-in-law
Java was coffee and bytes were mouthfuls@@stanleymuiga1203
@@stanleymuiga1203 When a keyboard was a musical instrument.
😂😂😂
Do you think when Moses saw the burning bush he was all like "no way " and the bush was all like "yhwh"
😂😂
This made me L,O.L!
This is by KirbyIsAboss
😂😂😂
Nice one 😀
Adam came home late again.
Eve said "Is there another woman".
Adam said "No dear, count my ribs".
This is a good one🤣🤣👌
😂
Git r done!
N0ice.
😂😂🤣
Jesus (to Peter): Who do you say I am? Am I the Messiah?
Peter: Yesh,-u-ah!
Wow, this is actually working out :) Ha Mashiach.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
When Noah was unloading the animals off the ark, ….he said go forth and multiply!…..the two snakes 🐍🐍 shivered in the corner and said but we’re adders🥹.
Then Noah said "Go over by that log table - because adders can multiply by log tables"
But multiplication is technically a "repeated addition"😅. 5 times 3 = 3+3+3+3+3=15
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Took me a second, but then it kicked in. 😊
Why don't Jesus wear jewelries?
Because He breaks every chain. 😏
now thats good
🤣🤣🤣
Fantastic and hysterical!
LoL! Blasphemy 😂😂
This is my favorite one
Nice
The one Christian joke that made me laugh 😏
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”
” Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.
“OK,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.”
To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don’t know shit?”
OMG, I love this!! He don't know "shit"
This is definitely my favorite!! ...hahaha
🤣🤣🤣🤣
*THAT IS HYSTERICAL!!*
*...and SO TRUE and on point!!*
ladies and gentleman... we got'em
Wow
I love how these are referring to lesser known Biblical things. Love that Christians can laugh and be funny especially if they know the Bible well. That's great. Ty
SACRED SCRIPTURE IS NOT A JOKE BOOK.
@@jerryspidell2331 Humor comes from God.
This is sad
Actually that thot saddens me. We should share w masses so they too can know JOY of Jesus
@@jerryspidell2331very true but christians can laugh…its not a sin. Jesus was invited to a lot of parties. I don’t think they would have invited a frumpy head. I agree the Bible should be taken in the highest esteem but it’s OK to laugh. Jesus came that they might have the joy and joy in abundance. I am so so happy that Jesus calls me his own. I think they were very careful not to be inappropriate.
Oh my word, this is my first time watching you guys and I'm cracking up! It's Monday, March 18, 2024. April 1st is my son's birthday. He died at age 11. If he were here he would be laughing so hard, because he had such a great sense of humor! Thanks for the joy this a.m.!
Blessings as u know He is forever w Jesus
@@jillebeling8237 Yes! And thank you! That has given me comfort for many years now!
May God comfort you
@@LydiaLivesForHim Thank you! It was many years ago but sometimes it's still like yesterday!
Not my jokes:
1. Moses was the first person to download information on a tablet from the cloud.
2. Noah sent out the world's first tweet.
3. Boaz was Ruth-less before he got married
With Joke#1, Here, There Are Only "10" - types of people, in the World. . . .
Those who Understand Binary. . .
And Those Who Don't!
Brilliant😂
True.
No.
😂😂😂 good ones
Did you know the disciples actually traveled together by car? Yeah, they all came in one Accord. 🥁
😂😂 Love it!
And Joshua rode a motorcycle, because the sound of his Triumph was heard throughout the land.
that's a good one
Oh man, that’s good!!😂
Ayeeeee 🥁🥁🥁
It wasn't the apple that caused all the trouble in the Garden of Eden.
It was the pair on the ground!!! 😂😂
Pear
@@fallen4rmabove Yes I know. That's the whole point!
@@pettra1so you should edit and spell it properly because i didn't get the joke until i read the pear reply.
@@LightGestureHe spelled it right. Adam and Eve were the "pair" on the ground. Pair rhymes with pear.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Adam and his sons were walking by the garden and they asked him, "What is that place?" and he said, "That's where your mother ate us out of house and home".
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Or... "That's where we used to live till your mother's poor dietary choices got us kicked out."
Still passing on the Great LIE?? Still blaming the ignorant fellowman to cover up one's own evil deeds?? Perhaps now you'll know why 'Adam' and his governing lies that governs his fallen descendants is called the 'Secret Power of Lawlessness' waiting to be fully exposed by the revelation of the last & the ultimate of all anti-Christs like Adam, their fallen first father, the very first man.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes Who?
Dishes the day the Lord has made. Knock knock.
Who's there?
Lettus.
Lettus who?
Lettus rejoice and be glad in it.
Hehe lul 🤣
I'm gonna say this one in church today lol..
@@JohnGwan do it
😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Noah was good at finances: He kept his stock afloat.
The rest of the world fell into liquidation..hahahahaha
You left out alot of the joke
😂😂
@@CuteSceneChic heyyy yoo-hoo 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣😭
“I wouldn’t think I’d laugh at a math joke.”
Does that make David a …. Mathodist? 😂
😂
@@SpokenGospelor a masochist, I guess it would greatly depend on if you like math or not.
Balaam was riding his donkey down a road when an angel appeared before them. The donkey, upon seeing the angel, bucked backward and threw Balaam onto the street, which he hit hard, skid, and rolled before coming to a stop. After inspecting his skinned knees and elbows, he looked up at the angel, who said, “Don’t blame me. It was the asphalt.”
Nice
😂😂🤣
oh, that was good XD
I don't have a joke but a pick up line.
"If I march around you seven times... will you fall for me? 😏
"No - you're so annoying, you keep blowing your own trumpet!"
If you marched 6 more times, maybe
actually it was thirteen times jericho circumnavigation 😅
My wife did at our wedding, a Jewish custom that they'll walk about their husband. She was stunning
@@LightGesture
interesting!! :D
glad to know.
so Jewish men are considered Yericho at their own weddings?? 😄
"Do you need a boat? I NOAH guy. He's an ARKitecht" got me 🤣🤣
Dangg🤣
Honestly, reading this from text sounded funniest, I read before the joke started.
Thanks Allie.
What was the first US state mentioned in the Bible? Arkansas. (Noah looked out of the Ark-and-saw...)
I no ah
Where did Noah keep the bees? In the Ark-hives
I once told my pastor "i didnt know you liked video games too !" "What do you mean young man?"
And i stood next to him, pointed at all the seating and went "pew pew pew"
Huh?
@@peaceandhope7043 Solid rows of seats in a church are called pews.
@@secretidagentyes, but what is "pew pew pew"?
@@teviotchurchIt's the sound made in "Space Invaders" when shooting at the aliens!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
When my friend was a little girl, she came home from Sunday school and said her favorite part of the lesson was singing about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly ("Gladly, the cross I bear" is a line from the hymn, "Keep Thou My Way" by Fanny Crosby and Theodore E. Perkins).
A man was praying, "Lord, I read in 2 Peter that to You a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years is like a day." "That's right," said the Lord, "he got that from Psalm 90." "Well, what are a million years like to You?" the man asked. "One second," said the Lord. "Wow," said the man, "well, what are a million dollars like to You?" "One penny," said the Lord. The man thought for a moment. "Lord...?" he asked, "could you spare me a penny?" The Lord said, "Sure, just a second."
😂😂😂, now he has to wait
Wait on the Lord
Goliath's last thoughts: Nothing like this has ever entered my mind before
Lolll
stop this made me wheeze HAHAHHA
“Y’know, it just hit me ...”
😮🤣
Epic! 🤣
Jeremiah opened a French candy store and named it La Ments. That set me laughing!!😅😅
😂 didn't get it when he said it, now I get it.
We went to that store on va- tations
As a former stand up alot of these were clever puns but the one that got me was Sampson being a comedian because " he brought the house down" that one was well written
How could the Son of Man afford to pay it all? Because Jesus saves!!!
That's my best🤣🤣🤣 Epic!
Dat one got me 😂
We should have utmost reverence for the gospel message. We wouldn't laugh on a joke created out of the tragic death of a loved one, would we?
Me too😂
That WAS epic
God is not mocked
I'm in hospital recovering from having my gallbladder removed, extreme abdominal pain, and I literally had to be given morphine for the joke, "Jesus is devine. We are debranches". I've paused the video at 2:18 for a time when I can proceed safely.
I know it hurts but laughter is good medicine...be loved
I pray that Jesus heals you tonight. Right there in your hospital bed. Be healed and be whole in Jesus name
Healing completely amen.
Ooof I felt that 😬Oh my Goodness, that shouldn't be so funny 😂 it's empathy mean laughter, I went through that nearly 16years ago... it gets better 😁 Painkillers are your friend (don't get addicted 🙏) I didn't need them much after 2weeks.
Hope you’re getting bladder… I mean better
Did you know Moses was the first person to use a tablet to download data from the cloud?
😂
What did Lot say to his wife as they were escaping Sodom? "Hey, are we being followed?"
HAHAhahaha best one xD
That's just cruel 🤦♂️😂
This is the only one that brought tears to my eyes laughing!
Oh my gosh! - 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣 = Lotta good ones here but THAT one busted me up!
That one is just wrong.
Who is the tennis player in the Bible??
Joseph,
because he served in pharaoh's court☺
Another OLD joke!!
@Dharmaraj 😆😆😆
😂😂😂😂😂
That was a nice one 😄
So it's Daniel too with many courts 😆
Who is most disappointed when The prodigal son came home?
The fatted calf
It didn't see that coming🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣
nice one
OMG 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭
Hahaha cool 🤣🤣
Poor Nehemiah was nice and easygoing, but he began putting up walls later in life.
I got more of a kick watching how much fun they had doing these jokes 🤣 🥰🙏🤗
I don’t know if I would say I got more of a kick out of watching them, but watching them was definitely a big part of what made this so good
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent.
😂😂😂
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Funny but not Christian one haha
When it's a full groan and it becomes apparent.
When the finger gets pulled........? 🤔🤔
A mom asked her boy, “What is your favorite hymn?”
“The one about Andy,” he replied.
“Andy? There’s no Andy in the Bible?”
“Well,” he said, “I don’t know about the Bible, but we sing about Andy all the time.”
“Are you sure?”the confused mom asked.
“Sure! Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own!”
I dont get it, can someone explain
There’s an old gospel hymn called “In the Garden”.
The lyrics are And He walks with me, And He talks with me, And He tells me I am His own. But it sounds like a common American name “Andy”.
😂😂😂😂
It is a worship song....and he walks with and he talks with and he tells me I am His own@@zarocampo4572
I don't know the song but I did get the joke 😂
This thought keeps coming to my mind: Do you suppose that Moses ever got so mad at the Children of Israel that he was heard yelling, "If I have to pull this camel over..."?
Speaking of the Children of Israel, I recall a story I heard about a kid who came home from Sunday School and was telling his mother what he was learning. "The Bible says, 'The Children of Israel did this, the Children of Israel did that'...didn't the grown-ups ever do anything?"
Children of Israel to Moses (just after leaving Egypt): Are we nearly there yet?
Children of Israel to Moses (40 years later): Are we nearly there yet?
😂😂😂, clever child
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Did you hear Elijah’s prayer at Mt. Carmel? It was fire, yo.
This pushes me to learn the Bible more
Probably the biggest joke on all of us of all time: Jesus KNEW Judas Iscariot was a Slimmy, Lowlife Thief but still assigned him KEEPER of the freaking MONEY BAG ! Like;
"WT Heck ?" !!!!!????????!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
@@johntrojan9653 and he also knew he had to betray Him, but still let him eat the last supper
@@awesomehawkins
That's right - he ""HAD"" to betray him otherwise GOD would be ""WRONG !"" and the Bible totally discredited. Cheezuz ! "G" f**ked up when he "MADE" Adam ...and Lucifer too 😡🤬🤬🤬🤬😡 ! ! ! (🔪)
@@johntrojan9653 uhhhh… ok then? Are you all good? 😅
How would that make the entire Bible wrong I’m so confused
@@awesomehawkins I should have said the TORAH which is MOSAIC LAW in Script rather than God's broken rock tablet, you know the rock was given to Moses on Mount Sinai ? The Torah address God's COMMANDMENTS and also speaks of the MESSIAH - even the DAY THAT HE WAS TO DIE ON !##. If Jesus missed that date THEN THE TORAH IS WRONG AND GOD SO IS GOD ! Do you understand where I'm coming from A H ?
After the Ark came to rest on Mt. Ararat, all the animals left the Ark (disemb-arked) except two snakes. Noah was making the rounds to make sure all the animals left and found them. He asked them why they had not left the Ark. The snake says, "You told us to go forth and multiply". "Yes, I did," Noah replied, "what's the problem". The snake answered, "We can't multiply, we're adders".
🤣
upon hearing this Noah called over his sons and told them to cut down some trees and bring them to the ark. Once there he commanded his sons to construct tables. Curious, one snake asked Noah, "How will this help?" Noah replied, "you can now multiply for you now have log tables." (Log arithms ...)
@@davedempster3405 i was thinking the punchline for this one would do with boa-constructors :P
That's hilarious 😂😂🤣
Happy new week. Ellen White is a false prophetess and prophet Muhammad is a false prophet. Obey the Lord Jesus, not Ellen White who had the spirit of Jezebel. We are living at the time of the end. I love what pro-lifers have to say. They need to repent and attend church on the sabbath, new moons and holy days like our Lord Jesus Christ. *From one new moon to another, and from one sabbath to another, shall all flesh worship before me, saith the LORD.* No one will attend church on Christmas, Easter nor sunday in the new earth. I hate abortion just like him and we ought to choose life over death. Call no man reverend nor Father. Psalm 111:9 says "holy and reverend is his name" for the LORD. The Holy Ghost is our Comforter and part of the Godhead, not an angel. Pork (swine), chicken, turkey are unclean. We can eat doves, pigeon, quail, beef, grasshopper, etc. Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
After covid19 was over I told my wife we were like the Apostle Paul. She ask how so. We are on the road to Damascus.
🤣
🤣
on the road to "de-mask" us.
I used to think the shortest person in the Bible was Job’s friend Bildad the shoe-height. But I forget it was the apostle Peter, who slept on his watch.
That bumps Knee-high Miah (Nehemiah) to 3rd place!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 .... while I'm imagining it really...!
😂😂😂
scientists told God they didn't need Him because they figured out how to make a universe. We challenge you. God said ok I'm up for that challenge. the scientist reached down to pick up a handful of dirt. GOD said oh no. Youve got to get your own dirt.
👏👏
Love this one! ...have for years!!!
Good one
Love it!
I don´t get it..
The Lord said to John, “come forth and you shall receive eternal life”.
But John came fifth and got a toaster.
😂😂 this was great, thank you guys!
😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣
🤣
czcams.com/video/dxqY1vuD7bY/video.html
🤣👏🏼Hilarious! (with a neat mix of groaners and classics)
"dew" time / "Balem" out / "dey gone"🤣🤣🤣
I thought it was going to be jokes *actually* in the Bible. Like when Elijah watched the prophets of Baal dancing feverishly and finally asked, Is he on vacation? Taking a nap maybe?
...Or when Samuel asked Saul, Soooo, if you killed 'em all, what is that bleating of sheep I hear? Eh, boy?
...Or my fav: Aaron when Moses finally came down, Hey, we just threw the gold in the fire, and BAM, there's a big ol' calf! What can I say?😁
LOL this is the best day ever! Theology + dad jokes? Two of my best things. Thank you for making this such a long video too, so many gems. And s/o to Christine for those original jokes, absolutely hilarious.
Did You know that Noah was a financial wizard? Because while everyone else was in liquidation, he floated his stock.
😂😂😂😂
Hahahahhhhhh
Enjoy 😏
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
His Dad replies...
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went..?”😉👍
That's the best joke ever !!!
Priests serving in the Temple has short hair, cut and time according to all Jewish records.
😂😂 im cracking up hear.
Why did Jesus go to the Japanese restaurant?
Because he loves Miso.
As a Japanese food enjoyer, I approve this joke
I know I'm super late to the party, but this just popped into my recommended today. Seth used to be my youth pastor! Good to see him still making terrible jokes 😂
It just showed up on my youtube sidebar today as I was watching a totally unrelated video. This is the best!!!
How does Moses like His coffee??
- Hebrews it! 😂😂😂
😆 🤣
🤣🤣🤣
GOOD one!
Classic!
Using Holy Grounds
@@MartinLander And Holy Water ?
Not funny to me.
I get the jokes and like that type of word humour and wit ....but it just feels like it’s not the best thing to be doing.
Several years ago at a prestigious university, a philosophy professor gave his students a one-question final exam. He picked up a chair, placed it on top of his desk, and wrote on the board, “Using what you have learned in class this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Most of the students dug deep and wrote like crazy for the entire hour. Some of them churned out more than 30 pages of heady philosophical debate and logic.
One student, though, handed in his paper after less than a minute. As it turned out, he was the only one in the class who got an “A” on the test.
His answer consisted of two words: “What chair?”
Where to Take It from Here…
Most atheists who believe they can disprove the existence of God using their philosophical and reasoning skills often unwittingly end up acknowledging his existence. God has made himself known in his creation and revealed himself in the lives of his people, leaving the atheist with the formidable task of trying to disprove the obvious.
The story is told of an atheist who said to a believer, “I don’t believe God exists.” The believer thought for a minute and said, “Well, I don’t think God believes you exist, either.” The atheist blurted out, “What do you mean! He has to believe I exist because he created me!”
This one touched me
Gold 🏆
This isn't the zinger you think it is 🤣
Your Right most atheists try their hardest to disprove God but they sacrifice what it means to be an Atheist. There's nothing wrong with questioning things that you don't understand or even trying to disprove an idea or thought been when you blatantly are rude to people who hold that Belief or Thought and make it your mission to prove them wrong, then your not an Atheist in my book.
I have to ask… how can anyone write a page in 2 minutes? Type, perhaps, but unless they were writing in huge preschool-sized print, I can’t imagine writing that fast. I can hand write about 12 wpm.
Okay. Y’all got me with Jeremiah and his French candy store. La Mints (Laments). Hilarious yet brilliant. 😂
thanks for the explanation😊
These are too funny🤣🤣...I love being in Christ😍
The Doctor that delivered Abram's baby had a lisp. "Is it a girl?" No, Ishmael.
Is a male. 🙂
That's a good one
I laughed so hard at this.
Lol
This one really got me😂😂🤣
"What happened to the gods of the Philistines? Dagon".... THAT LAYED ME OUT!!! Great stuff guys, God Bless you
😂🤣
Okokok
My favorite one! 😂
Loved this one too!!
Looked for this so I could give it a thumbs up!
The first car is in the Bible as well…. It clearly says Jesus and his disciples came in one “accord”. How they all fit in such a small car is outstanding!!🤣🤣🤣
Well before that, God drove Adam and Eve out of the garden.
They had a motorcycle as well. The roar of Moses' Triumph was heard all over.
Need I say myrrh? 😂
Thank you friends. This was really good
I didn't get it🥲
@@karunyakannadasan9754it's like a play on words, "Gold, frankincense, need I say more?" Myrrh as a pun for more.
@@mahibasharon5554 oh hey thanks. 💞
That joke was pure "gold" (even though it didn't make any "frankin' sense'!) 😂
@@mahibasharon5554 Thanks, I wanted to understand that joke lol
8thiest was my favorite one. This isn't exactly a Bible joke but...
Before church a mom decided to test her daughter. She gave her a one dollar bill and a five dollar bill and told her daughter to give whichever one she wanted when the church takes up offering.
After church the mom asks, "so which one did you decide to give? The one or the five?" The daughter replied, "well...I was going to give the five but what the pastor said changed my mind. He said God loves a cheerful giver and I knew I'd be more cheerful if I kept the five than the one!"
Pls explain to me how it's a joke, this is like my reality 🤭🤭🤭
The irony!! lol
that girl learned a valuable lesson : - D
An eighth-eist - Mine too....lol
Signs outside a church:
"Do You Know What Hell Is? Come Hear Our Preacher".
"Don't Let Worries Kill you. Let the Church Help".
" believing only 12,5 % of the Bible makes you an eighth theist" Great one guys!! Love it
I Didn't get this one, until you Spelled it out, for me...
That is Definitely a "Geh-SchNUH" -- Huh Moment !
nop...
This one was hard to understand. Does it mean like eightyish percentage?
12.5% is equivalent to one eighth so pretty much yeah@@iwishtobetexan6060
@@iwishtobetexan6060 No.
"Eighth theist" sounds like "atheist".
Jesus: Peter, you are the rock on which I will build my church.
Peter: Why Me? Why can't Thomas be your rock?
Jesus: He's too timid. I want someone who's a little bolder.
underrated XD
Nicely done! Most readers might not know of Petros
In a relationship, do you know,it's the man's job to brew the coffee,you will find the command right in the book,of . . HEBREWS LOL😂
Who was the best DJ in the Bible Jesus he turned tables 😂😂😂😂
dj JC in the house!
David
I wonder how many people under 30 got this joke.
@@deannakay6607 DJ's still exist
@@deannakay6607 I got the joke
Adam was discussing what kind of woman God was going to give him. Adam wanted one that would cheerfully treat him like a king, on top of caring for the kids, cleaning and cooking, and all without complaint. God said that that would cost him an arm and a leg. Adam asked what he could get for a rib.
It's not even a legit joke, but one morning our pastor said "My favorite question in the whole bible was asked by God, in Genesis...'Who told you that you were naked?'"
That has such a "dad talking to toddlers" vibe that I lost it 😂
ETA: I failed at the challenge before I even started the video, because I laughed at the comments 😭
It's a profound truth. Adam and Eve had no awareness they were naked. And in fact, humans are covered in more hair cells than many other creatures... it's just really tiny fine hairs.. for most people. Every creature has the skin, scales, fur, feathers, or exoskeleton they needed, given by God. 🙂
A 5 year old thought he was old enough to walk to school by himself, so his mom was supportive, but seceritly asked their elderly heigbur if she and her young granddaughter to fallow him to school everyday.a couple of weeks later, the 5 year old and a little girl he walked with noticed the grandmother Shurly Goodness and granddaughter Marcy always following them so the girl asked the 5 year old why. The 5 year old ponders for a few minutes the says
" my mom reads me the 23ed Psalm which says
"May Surely Goodness and Marcy fallow you all the days of your life" "
I know it's not technically a Bible joke, but...
A man was hired to paint a church, he bought 20 gallons of paint when he needed 25.
He figured- "oh well, I'll add some water to each bucket and no one will be the wiser."
The man finishes the job late in the day and decided to come back the following day to collect his payment.
The next day arrives, he shows up to the church to get paid only to find it had rained overnight and washed away all of the paint.
Standing in front of the church, scratching his head he says "what's going on here? It wasn't supposed to rain!"
As he's asking this an answer comes from above "you know what you've done, now you must repaint and thin no more."
I run a painting business loved that one will definetly use it in the future 🤣🤣
@@christopherahrens5361
It's always been one of my favorites 😁
I heard this with the punch line, "repaint you thinner"!
Omgoodness!!! 😂 I used to hear my Dad tell that one 😂 almost forgot it!!!
Totally a Bible joke! I mean, it has a Bible verse in it.
Jesus is preparing many rooms in His Fathers house. What kind of tiles does he want in it?
Gentiles
. The love of Jesus Christ 💝.
I can't stop laughing
❤️
That’s good
I'm a tile artisan by trade... and Jewish convert...
He says, "unless you don't convert, you will not enter the kingdom."
And "no uncircumcised person will enter."
But i get the joke..lol
4:42 You squandered a perfectly good opportunity to respond with, "Enoch-ed... then he left."
Mommy sent Johnny to church to go to Sunday School. When he came home she asked him what he learned. Johnny said, "Moses led the children of Israel across the Red Sea. He had his army engineers built a pontoon bridge and all Israel crossed over on it. Once they were safely across he had his demolition experts set explosives at key points it the bridge. When the Pharaoh and his army tried to cross the demolition experts set off the explosions drowning the entire Egyptian army." His mother said, "Now Johnny, that's not what they taught you." "No," he replied," but if I told you what they really said you'd never believe it."
"how do you think Jacob's brother felt after his blessing was stolen?" I was so certain he was going to say "Esau red" !!
I think he stewed about it
That's actually better than what they did XD
3:55 was my favorite! "The Pharos daughter went to the bank of the Niel and pulled out a profit" 🤣🤣
Yep .I agree!!!!
This is a great one. What I heard years ago I think adds even more. She was the greatest business woman because she drew a profit from the rush on the bank.
mine tooo
Pharaoh. Nile.
That's the only one I actually laughed at.
Moses observing Joshua talking to his dad ...
Moses to Aaron: "Hey, who's that guy over there?"
Aaron: "Why, there's Nun beside Joshua!"
Moses, concerned: "Aaron, there's clearly two guys standing there. How much of that golden calf water did you drink?"
How did God reward Jonah?
By giving him a whale of a time!! 😂😂
Who does Joshua judge? Ruth.
Joshua Judges Ruth
Hahaha, good one! 😂
Like that one😂
Before Boaz married he was a ruthless man
oh I get it..hahehohu
@@cg0825 That's the one right there!!!!
My Dad-Joke vocabulary has just increased 12.5%
God bless you all ❤️
Clever
God bless you brother
No way you tell these jokes to your kids. They repeat them in church. Does anyone laugh. Really.
I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE
@@GlowingCross SAME HAHA YOU TOOK A JOKE FROM THE VID HAHAHAHA
Why can’t Jesus wear jewellery, why?, because he breaks every chain!😂
Jeremiah's candy store got me!! 😂
Jesus is divine and we are de-branches 😂😂😂 absolutely love that one
Keith Green used that one in his song "He'll Take Care of the Rest"! czcams.com/video/dRQYKm-rsSo/video.html😁
That anonymous source has great jokes.
Thanks, Christine ☺️
Rightt, thanks Christine! ❤❤
Yes indeed! Brilliant
Thankss!!
2:43 As a scholar of early Christianity, this one genuinely made me laugh! 😂
"Doc, help me, I think I'm Noah!" "I think I can help you sir!" "Okay, but before you do have I got a weather report for you!"
Did you know that Mary had a song about her after Jesus was born? I think you've heard of it. It goes, "Mary had a little lamb!"
Lol never thought of that! GOD Bless y'all!!!
My kids sang that in a church play, back in the 1970's !!! Seriously!
My daughter used to sing Mary had a little man 😆
I like this part of it. Mary had a little lamb, and He became our shepherd.
@@queenlokilani No!! I bet you laughed till you rolled!!!! Remind her when she gets older! That's one she's going to say, no Mom, let's not go there today.
Your anonymous source 'Not Christine' did a great job!
Haha, thank you! We’ll let her- I mean whomever- know 😆
Did you know the 3 wisemen were firefighters? They came from afar. (A fire)
Before the jokes started I already failed😂. "Our anonymous source Christine"😂
Jesus at the Last Supper: Hi, table for 26 please.
Waiter: But there are only 13 of you?
Jesus: Yeah, but we’re only going to sit on one side of the table.
Stupid joke, especially using the Lord's name, foolish
Underrated
I don’t get it
@@benmusic6093 There's a painting with Jesus and his disciples all on one side of the table.
Belly buster!!
Why did Jesus put a flower 🌼 in his mashed potatoes? Because up from the gravy, a rose🌹
Love it!
Jesus: Who are you to judge me?!
Pontius Pilate: I'm Pilate
Jesus: of the Calleabean?
Oh my! Now I'm going to have to explain to people all day why I'm chuckling to myself :).
I get it pirates of the Caribbean🤣🤣
It’s funny when you explain!!! Explain and make us better ❤❤❤❤
As a Christian who's all in for Jesus, these jokes make my bones rattle so much, I love this haha!!
So you enjoy the Word of God being mocked and joked about? Hmm suspect
God bless you all 🙏
@@SeanBeatsMapson in what way? can you explain politely asking
As a Christian who's all in for Jesus,
This is more blasphemy than I hear from non believing God hating pagans.
@@tama3442 it’s self explanatory... if you can’t work it out you’re dumb.
My wife's name is Annette (named after OG Mousketeer, Annette Funicello of course!) - SO, I've always loved when someone preaches the scripture about Jesus telling them to "Throw Annette on the other side of the boat"...
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💯✅
Being a married person myself, I say that terrible...... , terribly funny, that is, lol
Sorry for your wife, but this is hilarious 🤣🤣🤣
Cute
I bet you just look at her and smile when it happens lol
One year later exactly and I'm seeing this for the first time. Thank you, Providence!
Absolutely hilarious!!! The comments have me roaring 😂😂😂😂 I subbed, you are all so brilliant!