When is your ego formed and how does it affect your daily life?
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- čas přidán 15. 10. 2023
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This is interesting. Up until age 4, I think I had a healthy, happy life and good interactions. I was apparently very cute, happy, chatty, charismatic, charming and intelligent. So that was my ego formed.
Except from age 4 onward, I had chronic anxiety from prolonged trauma. I had OCD at age 7, AvPD from age 11, BPD from age 15, and depression with anhedonia for about a decade. I'm 45 now.
And yet, despite all of this...I still have self esteem. My ego still remains.
Yeah, I think it's honestly kind of old-fashioned BS that really you only need the first 3 years to be pleasant and you're good to go in order to make sure you don't have mental issues
I've seen some more recent articles affirming what I personally experienced, that both early childhood and Adolescence are very volatile times developmentally, and honestly I personally think the entirety of your childhood, you are extremely vulnerable in terms of your ego's strength being tinkered with
Also from personal experience one bad day as a young child really can thank you, just not in a way that will be obvious. It might be in a little thing, but really it's something that needs to be dug out and it will bring out all kinds of overwhelming emotions in the meantime
Please remember not to "own" these labels.
I told my therapist that I will not own any label of "diagnoses" and she agreed. As my therapist put it "these are terms to help us try to diagnose problems and develop a prognosis and therapy for you"
I'm glad you are doing well despite the challenges. I completely understand very early childhood traumatic experiences and the effects they can have on you but you are a survivor and a winner, warrior even, and these things do NOT define you.
Many blessings ❤🙏
@@jenninemorel7693Yes! amen!
I had a good and relatively healthy life (except that one time when I almost died from flu complications and stopped trying to walk and talk right as I was beginning to try it at 1 year old... only continued when I was 2 and learned super fast) and I was the love of all grannies, intelligent, chatty, bubbly person. Later on, at 6, when I started school, that's when everything went downhill. I barely have any good words about my self-esteem ir myself and can't even talk about myself in therapy - it was even noticed by my therapist when she asked how my week went and I didn't know what to say, so my brain automatically gave the information on how my classes were and how my students had been doing in their studies (no specifics, just general words) and even when it was brought to my attention, I didn't know what to say. All I want is to just be accepted, which I never feel, and so, I stay on my own, which, in turn, gives me even more traumatizing thoughts of how I'll never fir into society, never been able to connect with others (partially true), and very hard to just see myself in a positive light. I'm now the first person to talk trash about myself unless I'm in a professional setting
@@atriyakoller136 You described yourself very well in the comment. Is it in person that you get nervous?
Yes. When my parents divorced I was preverbal. Mom was very depressed and couldn’t cope. She moved in with my grandparents and her three teenaged sisters who nurtured and doted on me. I am so blessed.
Well at least she knew something was wrong and adapted
Great video! 🙃
My ex husband used to try and attack me about my ego but I knew that it was actually a protective factor against losing myself completely in his abusive attacks against who I am-he could not stand that he could not break me. He could never convince me to see myself the way he wanted me to. I knew I wasn’t small. I knew I wasn’t helpless. And I didn’t let him think for a second that I was. I’m strong because I know my core. Ego seriously saved me!
Thats great your mind-set and ego strong n resilient ❤😊 .
So you say🤔
I'm glad he's your ex.
Baby can also be affirmed by a father. ❤
I believe that goes without saying... parents/caregivers
Never happens tho
Black kids don’t have fathers
@@silver9809That's a stereotype. Statistically Black fathers have very high involvement in their children's lives..
Yes that's exactly right.
Well this explains why my ego has always been in shambles. ***~~Trauma~~*** 😅
❤️🩹🫂
You have a choice. This is bs as like all psychology, it removes personal responsibility and blames others and labels ppk with disorders. There are no disorders, just choices.
Much love ❤
Ego is your conscious self, your awareness of yourself and your superego is your moral compass/judger of whether you're playing by the rules or not.
Please expand on this topic. It is definitely under spoken and in need of review. Thank you so kindly for all that you do.
she has a ful video that this is taken from.
THANK YOU. THANK YOU! 🖤
thank you for making this video about "ego". i was always taught that "ego" is bad guy and i shouldn't have any ego. but turned out, i had no sense of "self", i didn't know what i want/need, i had poor boundary bcs i didn't have my "ego" (no "self"). (healthy) ego isn't same as being egoistical. according to Freud's Conception of the Human Psyche, there are ID, Ego, and Superego, from what i understand, the "wild horse" here is the ID. i think that's what people mostly refer to as "ego". underdeveloped ID is nasty.
That first sentence was like a punch to my gut. I felt sick for a moment. Explains so much.
My babysitter was older lady and she was only one good to me, i demanded that she watch me and until they paid her right and my tears helped, she was like my third grandma through out life
I didn't have these relationships in my first 3 years. I was abandoned and mistreated.....but then one foster family did treat me right but abused my brother and I loved him so much that it ate me up inside....
There's a big difference between confidence and arrogance.
Something I realised I struggle with while I was tripping a few weeks ago was having an ego in my day to day life because I feel like I have an id and a superego but nothing to integrate the two. So the id always wins (which generally isn't bad, my core desires aren't bad) but I struggle when my superego and id aren't aligned. I'm not even much of a Freudian, this was just a useful metaphor. I was also very neglected in early childhood.
So ego is healthy but pride is hiding an deformed ego. Interesting.
Really. psychology is so complex
Pride I view as a spectrum. With no pride, we would have no "healthy ego". With excess pride, we would have arrogance.
@ladybaabaa3294 Refusal to humble oneself is the unhealthy pride. Being proud of your own accomplishments is the healthy pride.
This is the psychological definition of ego, the authentic meaning of it.
Not nessecarily pride but arrogance, grandiosity yeah
I had just turned 5 years old 3 months before my first day of kindergarten. Back then, moms were home with their babies. I cried for my mom on my first day of Kindergarten so the teacher locked me in a closet and shut the light. I believe it effects you for life even at just turning 5 years old.
Oh this makes sense. I was not well maintained emotionally as a small kid. Disabled mother in physical pain and a father working entirely too much to survive. Not great. I don't cope well.
I pray for all living things be happy.
Amen!!!
Happiness isn't everything 😂😂
People are doing anything they want so by what you said you want anarchy
We all can't get what we want and be happy unless it's true Happiness which is truth but most of the world doesn't have it or we would have peace 👍🏻
Just the obvious
@@mick20075hope u find happiness
If you’re isolated in those first few years, what happens then?
good question
I was mostly ignored for the first 3 years of my life, by most accounts in my family.
I, as a result, have had to go from being sad and passive, to having an overinflated ego, to trying to heal and contain that ego all throughout my early and mid 20's. It is still a massive struggle for me
Do not, whatever you do, ignore your baby boys. I'm fortunate enough to have run into strong and positive role models. Most young men are not.
I find your videos simple to follow and they resonate with my temperament problems and social issues and decisions. Thanks for putting them out.
Very good explanation of this. I have found that it is very difficult for a mother with attachment issues to be a good mother that puts the needs of her baby ahead of her own wants. So, the baby has attachment issues as well.
It’s a sad situation.
I am weak... as everybody told me. I knew it. And they were right.
During childhood, I've never had loving relationships with anyone. I'm very glad I didn't fall victim to an unhealthy ego
She don’t miss 🎯🫶🏽
I need to develop strong boundaries and I struggle cause I feel like I'm causing pain. Childhood trauma sucks.
How can you create a strong ego in the absence of affirming relationships during development?
I strongly agree with that, the first stage in a child's life revolves with relationships with parents and siblings, and other carers (especially nannies and babysitters). Maintaining trustworthiness between the child and the other people in the household is needed in this stage.
To sum all of it, this is essentially about the child's trust or mistrust.
VERY well stated.
Your videos are so clear and compassionate. I love this channel!
Thank you Dr. Tracey for clearing that up. I would always say ego isn't a bad thing. I remember in the early 90s Ricki Lake had a show, this episode was all about ego... it was all negative. I thought they are clearly misinterpreting the definition... but the show went on
we are of Tibetan spiritual practice we cut away the ego..we practice selflessness..we are not controlled by our expenses alone
Are you supposed to be able to remember years 1-3 of your life? I don't know if it's normal that I don't remember
It's totally normal
You don't start forming permanent memories until around 3, so it is completely normal not to remember anything before that age. It would actually be pretty remarkable if you did have memories before then.
@@lulumarie7 got it, thanks
Memories under age 6 are rare. They tend to be things that were really memorable, because they were extremely good or extremely bad. Even then they are more likely to be from ages 4 and 5 than 3 and under. I have one early memory. I climbed out of the crib and walked into the family room with my empty bottle. The only thing I recall is the utter surprise of my parents. Not the actual climbing or anything, just their reaction. Most people don't recall anything in the first few years.
It is an immensely important period that shapes you in many ways but the vast majority of people don't remember it.
Oooohhhhh. THATS why I’m so effed
Who you are at your core isn’t something that you know for a fact until you undergo certain ordeals in life. Being put on extreme situations like going through a tough time, undergoing tragedy, being in a position of power, being in a position of helplessness and desperation, being distressed and in despair, etc.. then who you are at your core will slowly reveal itself and become clearer to you. Pay close attention to it when it happens during these situations.
This woman is excellent. I hope she's a college professor.
She's a clinical psychologist, and I agree, she is an excellent teacher.
@@wareforcoin5780She's a psychiatrist, meaning she's a medical doctor. she's not a psychologist.
She really is excellent as a teacher.👍
Or one can distinguish as:
A healthy ego vs an unhealthy ego.
Thank you for the breakdown. It's necessary to know.
Ego is what keeps you safe, isnt it?
Having little to no ego is vital for long-term success
I have always found this so confusing. Thank you for such a clear explanation! Another example of psychological terms getting used incorrectly in the vernacular. So I am assuming that someone with NPD did not develop a healthy ego in the early years and thus they are constantly trying to fill the void?
This is very clarifying and enlightening
❤ Love Dr. Marks. ❤
Thank you❤
What about ppl who don’t remember their real family always felt like they were surrounded by strangers?
GREAT explanation 👌 👍 👏
Thank you 😊 💓
I had a very good childhood and naturally had a big ego. You will get fucked left right and center when something for real hits it. Then you learn to not take yourself too seriously and learn to accept the truths of life. The thing is everyone suffers but yet we think that "not me". Just learn to live and let others live
Great information!
DID has entered the chat lmao. I personally feel each alter has a variation of ego strength but viewed as a whole, our ego is fractured, so yeah it's weak. Thankfully, things are feeling more and more secure these days.
Good explanation.
I have a weak ego the truth is I think I’m bigger then I am and the reality of it is I’m a loser who lives with his parents with no physical job or partner, hardly have any close friends and I’m unable to fit in society. I’m truly a broken person with no hope of getting better
Wow that’s amazing ❤
People with a big ego gotta be one of the worst genre of human
So important we know the difference.
I love this women
Thank you for this.
🤯so good Ty
Accurate as usual
I wish i could go back as a mother ,to be a better mother.
Dr. Can YOU EXPLAIN IFS Please 🙏🏼
I don't know. I mean I'm not a doctor but my ex stepdad was very abusive and attempted to kill me and my mom on several occasions attempted kidnapping as well. But I did learn from my mom how to be strong in myself including for my sister
Danke!
You’re so welcome and Thank YOU! 🙏🏽❤️
So, balance is key...
True.
I learned to recognize my own ego after I read a new earth by Eckhart Tolle.
The ego is the inner sinner
Acceptance, empathy and validation. Ohhh okay
So those terribly annoying people are just grown babies that had many negative experiences? 😢
I never had none of that
Not always...
I have sexual trauma from 3 years old. This is interesting to hear.
any advice for healing a weak ego?
I had a severely abusive childhood. I was often left alone to play by myself while my parents & siblings played cards. I was NEVER allowed to play. I affirmed MYSELF. My sister & brother are now severely co dependent. I'm not & an very self reliant with a healthy ego my sister has an inflated ego but has NEVER been single (she's 46) & my brother suffers mental health issues and feelings of persecution & paranoia. I'm the only one with healthy boundaries. Lol. Explain that
you were scapegoated and survived.
Amen
Not true. Let go of your ego to embrace your true inner self and find your higher calling. The ego holds you back... Period.
I'm rootless, and my ego is unealthy, too weak.
ego is the pearl not the oyster
Interesting
Why do the so called "enlightened" people say that, in ordee to be free of suffering, you must give upbyour ego?
Because they want to make it easier to manipulate you.
I HAVE NO EGO
Lego my Ego, sorry I'm still building mine...
What happens if somehow those negative and affirmed net experience equal one another?
Okay so what happened to me early if i see the world around me as evil and no one can be trusted and everyone there just to get me?
Maybe one of mine got ignored.
I will have two egos sunny side up pls.
is it true that someone can have "no self" or "no I"
How can psychology explain people who still have strong egos and tons of neglectful or traumatic experiences in their formative years?
Personality Disorders have weak ego
Novody have the same definition of the term "ego". It's a generic magic word for pseudo psychology.
What's the point in talking about the ego when in fact it is shaped during the first 3 years of your life?
Are egos sacrificial or not?
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE GREAT COMMUNICATION WITH YOUR KIDS IF THEY'RE AT A BABYSITTERS💯‼️ LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN...I NEVER HAD BABYSITTERS TILL THEY COULD TALK ,THO💯‼️
Where is this self that you call I?
SO HOW DO WE FIX OUR EGOS?
You never tell you just kinda bash us.
Definitions of ego are so numerous you have to be accurate. From Latins to spiritualities and psychoanalysis, please make your mind.
I remember those years.
Conflicted. Some ego is healthy, but past a certain point not. Also, children need to be taught boundaries, not affirmation of their whims.
Why leave Fathers and positive male role models out of the equation?
If
Hi is she an expert ? I am just wondering xx
Can you change your ego or are you stuck with it?