How Intelligence Leads To Avoidance | Episode 003 Video Game Addiction
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- čas přidán 24. 01. 2019
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Video gamers and video game addicts are smarter than the average person.
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Preserving ego can be due to being addicted to video games. Gamers start to develop an identity around intelligence which leads to avoidance. Game addiction can reinforce this behavior. For self improvement and mental health, it's important for someone with video game addiction to value experience over intelligence.
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Dude, you're just right. Now I understand.
This is a load of crap and has nothing to do with people who are actually intelligent. "Smart people avoid looking incompetent in public, so avoid doing anything observable" nooo, that is not true at all. I love nothing more then publically shaming people, and calling them out. I love debate, and articulation. You sure have a hell of an education, but a truly average mind behind it, if you really believe the shit youre saying. Oppenheimer didnt avoid making the bomb because he wax afraid of failure. Tesla didnt become infamous because he avoided challenges. The wright brothers took the first flight, in public, they didn't avoid looking foolish. You really dont know what youre talking about, because its something youre physically incapable of relating to and thus understanding. Listening to you attempt to explain whats in the minds of intelligent people, is like having a psychic reading for my dog and expecting to learn something.
@@francoismarion-eu3jq giga brain go Brrrrrr. Dude chill out it's okay. Him saying someone is smart doesn't belittle anyone's intelligence. Also its pretty stupid to think that because two people potentially share a single similar trait that they are going to have the exact same background, achievements, and fears.
@@jake212 if you are smart, and the conversation is about "smart people", but i keep describing the thought patterns, and motivations of apes. Are you more inclined to take offense at being compared to an ape, or are you likely to accept the comparison? If youre being told that you act a particular way, and feel a particular way, but it isnt true... are going to say something about it or not? If you can present objective reality that contracts my point, should you keep it to yourself?
See, according to the op, i wouldnt engage you in this conversation out of fear of looking stupid and public ridicule. Instead, i intend to demonstrate otherwise. That i actually enjoy keeping sharp on dull rocks. You can do your crosswords to keep your brain sharp, im going to debate asshats. Truth is, the dr. Is talking about the average man, and pandering to them by telling them theyre smart. No, theyre just not retarded. Smart is a whole other animal all together, and an educated monkey will never actually be able to understand it. Trust me when i say, they dont study the top 2% intellect of the bell curve. Its too alien to understand unless youre also part of it. Trust me when i say, the top 2% consider the rest of you to be homosapians, not even human beings, but a classification of ape. Animals controlled by the stimulus of your immediate environment and acting on instincts you cant even comprehend. Is it offensive to you to be seen as nothing more then an animal? Well its just as offensive as an intelligent person to be compared with average ass, homosapian apes.
@@jake212 funny that you also think its stupid for the doctor to make such generalizations, but youre not making that observation are ya?
I like how he's side strafing to make it difficult for enemies to land shots on him, very high tier gameplay
This comment popped out of nowhere, I love it
@@klauskinnunen7404 I am you but uppercase
The camera man has some pretty solid tracking though. Must play Kovaaks
@@speedy_o0538 lmao. I adore this response.
Even irl gamers b smacking those ad keys
me: I'm just lazy
and usually they just say they're lazy
me: shit
Literally the exact same thing happened to me
This guy is good.
Late, but LMAO real and true. When he said that I was like ahhh shit.
I literally said internally "Damn, he got me real good right there" XD
A major shift for me in my early 30s is the slow realization a lot of my situation isn't the product of "laziness." I grew up being told I was lazy as well as smart. I think that had a similar impact. I thought my problems in college were just me needing to put in more effort. I learned a lot.
A level 1 character with abnormally high intelligence still can't compete with a level 50 character with average stats.
Go get that EXP!
Well said!
that was kind of my thought when I watched the Arrow X Flash tv episode crossover.
Blows my mind that games aways taught me this and i never get it, just now with this video and your comment
I like it.
As I have said in multiple D&D campaigns:
"High Intelligence is not a substitute for high Wisdom. Intelligence without the Wisdom to weild it is dangerous."
The life story of any kid labeled "gifted" honestly, not just gamers.
Exactly
Yeaj, I'm not a gamer but I related to a lot of this.
Am humbly one of those "gifted" ones, and damn college hits me realll hard.
heyyyyyy im gifted and now im mentally ill and just do art all day
Totally . I will only reward my kids when they work hard
aoe healing
im fucking dead
underrated
@@seebs_keeps_talking chug ur pots nub
@Milkooljohn
Huh ! This line is from Reckful's stream when he talked to this Doctor.
@@seebs_keeps_talking raidwide ressurect.
"the smart kid only does things that make him appear to be smart"
yep
ah yes the floor here is made out of floor
@@padawan1769 stupid comment. It would be the floor here is only made of what appears to be floor.
@@TheTheode ur both wrong the floor is actually made of really tiny people that help hold you up as you walk
*The smart kid who's patents tell them they're smart
@@TheTheode Mind: Blown
This is why parents should praise their kids for being hard working rather then smart. It gives kids something more realistic to live up to imo.
Then it just gives the impression that everything has to be hard
@@twistygaming8017 No it gives the impression that you can do hard things.
Well, at the end you should still aim for "Work smart, not hard." because there's no point in doing stuff the hard way when there's smarter ways. For example you would not carry heavy rocks all day by hand if there are trucks or conveyor belts available.
I think the term you are referring to is persistance, to keep following your goals, even though following them will be hard at some times.
@@AbsoluteArch why work hard when smart work beats hard work. You mean persistant I think
@@AbsoluteArch Na. It’s definitely better to work smart than work hard. Working hard gets u no where in life. Even in terms of working out. U can literally work out till u drop, but if u don’t have the intelligence to do the right workouts the right way you’ll get worse results. Or even hurt yourself
This explains why I always prefer working alone because a lot of times I don’t understand the task I’m given at first and it takes me time to figure it out, it’s embarrassing to me when other people are there
Bro this is exactly me. I loved to learn things alone but I wouldn’t dare show anyone me when I first start something I’m not good at. I’m incredibly insecure of people making fun of me at my age for not knowing certain things, and prefer to not even do it if it means I have to do it in front of them. This videos hitting real close to home, damn lol
I hate advice. I hate giving it, I hate taking it, but I'm compelled to reply to this.
Get this handled because It only gets worse. I needed this 30 years ago. I didn't just need to hear it, or understand it. I'm sure I did hear it, I probably understood it intellectually, but I needed to act on it. I didn't, and every time I avoided something for fear of looking stupid, it reinforced that wrong action.
I can't tell you how to beat it, because I haven't beaten it. It looks like this channel may have some good ideas. I can tell you how bad it can get, and it is not a life you want.
That's just introversion, albeit manifested in an unhealthy association with embarrassment. The embarrassment is a social awkwardness sort of thing. You're mind is acting as what you believe the collective thinks about how you should be, which is really what YOU think you should be. That is an unconscious limiting belief. You need to fully accept the fact that you do shit alone. Fuck other people. They don't do things the way you do.
@@marklefevre3476 You also have a limiting belief. If you hate advice, then you will get nothing in life but pain. Pain is it's own teacher though as shown in your reply. If you want quality advice, find people with legitimate life experience that can be validated by you (understandably you can't do this with my little CZcams comment lol). Think of this more as suggestion rather than me telling you that "should" do this. You only "should" do this if you're tired of pain being the master. Good luck.
I'm exactly like this. It's especially difficult if you've built up a reputation of being smart and skilled; public failure hits really damn hard (and it's not just all in your head, people do notice it more than if they thought you were dumb). Fortunately, developing skills in private until they're ready for public display is doable for the vast majority of things. And the more broad your skillset, the less likely you are to fail when you have no choice but to try new stuff in front of others.
I guess it's not a solution that addresses the underlying psychological problem, but it's a useful workaround that almost always succeeds.
Damn I think he has a solid point here.
*loads up CS:GO*
lmfao exactly
😂😂😂😂
😂😂😂
loads up league
@@jjsweg9012 faxxx
It's unbelievable how Dr K has managed to explain 17 years of insecurity and fear in an 8 minute seminar. Thank you
it opens ur eyes to the power of nawledge
@@jjsweg9012 what.
dude he explained my life too in perfect detail lol
@@n3xistence kind of self explanatory and nawledge is a meme...
yeah i just hit 17 and this was deep
Jesus, this guy knows me better than my parents and myself...
True
Well yes and no. He knows how your brain works because thats what he studied. Maybe you need to open up more to your parents? (assuming thats possible)
Joeah89 many parents actually are bad at parenting and do the exact opposite of what dr k says
Jesus knows u better as He's God
He knows about humans and hence you but not specifically you
Notes
- telling a child they're "smart" makes them avoid trying things that go against that identity
- as a result, they only attempt things that make them appear smart
- they avoid challenges by labelling themselves as "lazy"
- solution: "smart" kids need to reframe being smart -> being inexperienced, so it's ok to fail
- the world values experience and competence much more vs being "smart"
🙂
I am so intelligent I even avoid being intelligent.
5head
420 QI
ignorance is bliss
Me big smarty, me just not know it yet
Sums up INTJ/INTP personality in one sentence
OP strategy for gaining XP IRL requires early game leveling of delayed gratification skill tree
LUL
Realizing this was the meta when i've already put 23 years into this character kind of sucks, TIME TO WIPE
So basically we all skipped the tutorial
@@sentfromheaven00 There's a tutorial to skip?
life is all about late game, go for a scaling strat
The difference between a master and a novice is that the master has failed more times than the novice has tried. - Some yellow octopus.
Is it that one weird anime with the yellow head guy? I saw my weird brother watching it.. I do not know the name.
@@hugono3938 Assassination Classroom. It's about a giant yellow tentacle monster with a round head that can move at Mach 20 speed teaching a classroom of "special ed" kids on how to properly murder, specifically him.
Like, even to me, that is the most anime one anime can anime.
It's not the same level of Masterpiece as, let's say, Satoshi Kon or Kurosawa movies. But it is still a very wholesome story with a lot of good morals. A solid 9/10. (For reference, Naruto is like a 5/10)
For Example: youtu .be/L_TMjnenRdc
@@hugono3938 I get that your brother is weird but you should atleast know his name.. SMH
What if master tried 500 times and failed every time while novice tried 499 times and succeded every time
@@YokoYokoOneTwo Then there’s a scam going on, lol.
You become a master by reducing your failures. So if a Master fails more times at the thing he’s supposed to be a master of, compared to the novice who succeeds disproportionately compared to this master. Then the master is not the master.
We do have to realize also that even if the novice succeeded 500 times out of his 500 attempts, the master by that point has failed 5000 times and succeeded another 1000-3000 times, in their entire career up to that point, or something.
Recently realized that my mental health and overall state of mind has reached a dangerously low point. Finding your channel, and coming back to this video specifically has now made me feel like I can climb out of this hole.
It's the man himself. Best of luck man, cheering you on in your endeavors.
You've got this brother
Hell yeah, you can absolutely climb out of that hole and it's ok if it doesn't look perfect
I'm so proud of you👏👏👏👏👏😍😍
Really glad to hear that. I'm feeling the same myself.
I feel like the worst part about being smart early in school even in highschool is that you feel like you've completed every task or homework easy and you think you're done and start having fun around when instead you should start looking for more challenging stuff.
That's why University can be rough for some "smart" kids, as the transition demands for much more than just going to class.
That is so true
The key is to have fun by challenging yourself in some way, rather than seeing the two as opposites
One of the worst things is when you actually try to make your teachers engage in your longing for challenge and they just think it's just a kid overestemating themselves.
TheStash exactly what happened to me, dropped out in year 3...
I love how he keeps saying gamer in a professional setting
i dunno man 'video game enthusiast' doesn't sound too cool either.
P0rnhub expert will be to extreme
video game player(s) would probably sound more professional
well.. a gamer is someone.. who games
VGP (Video Game Player) could sound more professional and acceptable, plus, gamer is a term that gets thrown around a lot and I think it's kind of fallen into misused terms.
'Hardest things to do are when people are observing you and you feel incompetent'
*Sits up straighter*
So I completed my degree about 2 years ago now, engineering, but I absolutely hate the working scene in this sector. I just completed the degree because I wanted to have one and didn't want to be a dropout. I haven't done homework in the past 7 years, I never could get myself to do it, especially if the subject doesn't interest me, or immediatly affects me. So now I can go and do a higher adjucation on something I do have an interest for (and some freelance work experience as a hobbiest), but I'm held back by the immense fear that I can't compete because I'm under disciplined. And because I passed all my tests but didn't actually learn anything, nothing stuck, I now feel like I have very little to offer. And so I got stuck doing a minimum wage paying job in the restaurant scene.
7 months have passed since my last day of work. I'm out of money, selling my car, my parents and friends and myself are all weighing down on me for not doing anything. I've started a mental health investigation in to depression and anxiety(supported by long family history with both) because I completely collapse when I try to reach out to a firm, or something like a bureau because I undervalue myself so fucking hard. I have accomplished a bunch of great feats, and I have failed projects and people many times more. I'm not set back by failure, I'm set back because I don't know to what I amount too. And I don't dare speak of it with anyone because my mind will race and imagine a million different outcomes of a conversation that I'm not prepared to have, and so I just end up doing nothing. And filling the void with games and sports, because doing absolutely nothing during the day is also very boring. But now the instantgratification of it all has me even unable to go downstairs and do any one chore, or even keep my room propperly cleaned. I have lost all connections to any networks I established, nothing to back up my claims of accomplishments in school, all my internships failed for various reasons meaning no letters of recommendation, and not the slightest clue as to what I'm going to do to tackle any of this.
I'm a quick learner and think outside the box. I like solving complicated puzzles and I'm quick on my feet. The places I have worked at thus far always caught on to my ingenuity fast, making me head of projects or teams with added responsability, and I never refuse because who in his right mind would do that, especially considering my capacity for work. And the last time this happend I quit as soon as I got offered the promotion, pretending I had another job offer. How am I supposed to lead people when I put in half the effort with twice the result, when I don't even know who I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going. I don't even want to be there. Plus my line of thinking and problem solving isn't even appreciated because I come up with complex long term solutions that make everybody happy, but these companies don't care for that, they just need money fast and people and machinery are expendable. It needs to be simple and as low cost as possible. I care about enviroment, integrity, and win-win deals.
anyway, been going at it for a while. I'm doing this more for my own good, and I don't actually expect anyone to read this let alone comment.
are things getting better?
rooting for you :)
@@asimadhikari4534 thanks. I moved back to my mom's place temporarily, and left my pc behind. I did it because although I argue that I fill my time with gaming because I am stuck doing nothing, and I just wanted to fill my days. I realized that gaming is similar to office work in the amount of bodily energy that is consumed. Like filling a broken heart and a lonely feeling with alcoholism, gaming is an ineffective way to spend energy thus it is working negatively on my quest to get myself in to a working position and progress in life.
But now I am back where I started, where I do nothing through out the day, and out of boredom I started learning about day trading crypto currencies, as I way to kill time. It's effectively replacing one thing with another.
I have made progress with therapy however. Had a few analytical sessions which helped determine which institution offers the services that best suit my problem. Now I am planning in my first session there.
A family member overheard that an electric bike shop was looking for workers and hooked me up directly, which greatly helped with overcoming my underlying struggles, because I once told her I would be down to do a technological job, if it didn't require that I would have follow an educational course within the company, and if it wasn't to complex with to much responsibility. And I figured that electric bike repairs would be exactly that, but I was very wrong. During the application meating I learned that before I would qualify to be able to work on electric bikes, it would take 6 years of extra education and courses. That was a real set back.
Still working on selling the car, it's up online with a lot of viewers, but no responses thus far. It would solve a huge deal for me, because then I could secure my position within the '10 month directing fiction' course with the first payment. That start January 25th, so time is ticking. And now I'm thinking if you should get a easy job like food delivery, just so I can secure that first payment. Despite the fact that my previous job in tge same scene was really deteriorating my well being..
That's about it man. That's for taking an interest.
@@acevfx2923 Hmm, I hope therapy goes well, the car ends up sold, and you and your mom have some good times together. What do you mean by the "10 month directing fiction" course? If you do find yourself forced to do food delivery to make ends meet, you could try listening to Dr. K or anything you are interested in while driving.
You say you're really bored, but at the same time you mentioned being interested in "some freelance work experience as a hobbiest", while being scared you have a lack of discipline needed. To me, that type of works seems to be individual based, so why does that fear persist?
You've identified your main issues as lack of discipline, mental health, lacking meaningful interests, a conflict between your self-described ingenuity coexisting with a lack of feeling like you deserve to be a leader, and a lack of identification with profit-driven corporations. Maybe you should do some freelance for a non-profit that supports an issue you care about, e.g. mental health?
Dude reading this reminded me of myself. That whole having a million thoughts to not do anything and ending up filling the void with games and other stuff is way too relatable. Currently I'm studying in medicine (pharmacy) and I'm passing my tests, doing h.w but I'm not doing enough to learn from these classes. I know I'm a good student and I've proven to myself that I can do amazing things but I end up doing only the bare minimum because I think what's the point. One of my biggest fears is graduating but still not knowing what I'm talking about. Imagine an incompetent pharmacist that's horrible and one mistake could end your whole career and worse even hurt a patient. I really hope I figure this stuff out soon and I really hope it gets better for you. Just know you're not alone in this stuff.
“Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something.” - Jake the Dog
"The fool is the precursor to the saviour."
Thank you.
Max Maks haha same!
changing " man i suck " to " im just inexperienced" is gonna be tough but this helped me see that important step!
Similarly i've heard someone say you should replace "ok, i can do this" to "fuck it, let's do this" because "fuck it" implies the possibility of failure.
@@bonogiamboni4830 yep, sorta changing the idea from sneaking into a pass or a good mark ("ok, I can do this") to (''fuck it, let's do it'') throwing yourself at task or project and not fearing the failure aspect
@@bonogiamboni4830 Yes, but it is also a great place to hide. Because when we say "fuck it!", we don't take it seriously anymore. I suggest: "Hell yeah, I'm scared! Because for me this takes a lot of courage, since failing at something makes me question my Identity. There for I breath and then do it anyway, because this is important to me! And I wan't to move forward."
@@NormenGaze that's way too long, if you really must i guess you could do like wall street bets and just say YOLO.
something i do for myself is say, "I dont know much about that, yet."
15 years of mental health therapists couldn't explain my avoidant personality disorder as well as this 8 minute CZcams video.
Hey Indian guys in youtube does it every time
The sad thing is that the medium is the message. Most of the people after watching this and feeling like he is touching their life will ignore this whatsoever even if they didn't want to. They will remember some quotes and tips from this video and store them in the "motivational videos from youtube" folder that is nested in a big "CZcams" folder in their brain. So they will know what they *should* do and that's it.
Note: I hope we will overcome this, we are surely capable of more.
Uh oh, I think they're onto me.
How the fuck did you manage to describe my behaviour so accurately?
Your brain has folders? Weird.
@@danieldaniels7571 Explaining behaviors of the brain is a hard thing even for professionals. "folder" is not the clearest version of it but I think I managed to deliver my thoughts. The main message is here that *medium* *is* *the* *message*
It's scary how accurate this is. Unfortunately, "Western" society, Dr K included, has this habit of leaning on the individual for all this stuff, and judging him (her too but especially him) very harshly when he falls short. "Thanks", Pitta types! Until that changes, humanity will keep throwing potential down the drain like it's cool.
"statistically, your iq's are higher" as i sit here picking my nose
smart people pick their nose too, your statement exludes you from class of elites though.
@@M7awesat or are you excluded because you missed the joke
Everyone picks their nose if it feel funny there and it's fine if you don't do that in public and do it somewhere a little private. And manners are not necessarily related with IQ
Well, picking your nose is indicative to a high iq because it means we prefer cleanliness, and cleanliness is conducive to clear thinking, as well as it is correlated to intelligence :))))
so smart people dont pick their nose noted
This guy pretty much broke down my whole being, piece by piece.
You're being a little to hard on yourself buddy.
I know you're inclined to not believe me but please understand that you're your own person and very special!
Don't forget it. And don't let other people tell you otherwise. Take care!
Same, I’m really thankful about it. Now I’ve gotta go gain XP haha
Amen lol
@@Moon-lk8uc and try to gain xp when you're used to getting scolded for fking up.... -.-'
I also believe that excessive gaming is linked to depression, ADHD, depersonalization and an overall feeling of discontent in everyday (real) life.
It is easier to "check out"/disappear and live in a virtual world that will not only challenge you, but give you the motivation to accomplish something. Unfortunately no matter how challenging your game levels are and no matter how accomplished you feel after having completed them, it accounts for nothing in reality. The knowledge of this also increases a kind of guilt for having wasted so much time on gaming. Which then leads to more gaming to feel better. Much of the time, it is a lack of meaning and real life fulfillment that leads to video game addiction. I've seen great minds waste decades of their lives in front of a screen, checked out, gaming, and going nowhere...
"Unfortunately no matter how challenging your game levels are and no matter how accomplished you feel after having completed them, it accounts for nothing in reality." None of your accomplishments in real life matter if you aren't having fun, though. Ultimately, whether or not you're enjoying your life is the metric by which you should weigh your actions, not your level of achievement. If you still care about your life "amounting to" something, aren't you just shifting the same need for perfection onto a different status metric?
Personally I find the insinuation that you can "waste" your life to be baffling. The only thing you can waste is your opportunity to enjoy yourself. So don't pathologize something unless you can identify how and why it's causing you to fail to enjoy life.
@@niklas5336 So my comment resonated with you personally, I see. I hope you get the help you need and find the meaning and achievement you deserve in this life. My best to you🤞
well i guess the key is to give up games and step into the world with new hobbies?
@@AB-zq4fw i know this post is late but isn’t this very assumptive for a perfectly sound argument? At most he views life spent differently to you but you kinda just closed out his opinion with, ‘Ah I see, so this hits a nerve. Hope you get help.’ After getting a comment that doesn’t agree with one of your points.
@@Mythriaz. The commenter above did nothing more than explain away an addiction. The only way to get help is to first acknowledge that you have a problem and then seek out professional help. Just because something is fun doesn't mean it's good, healthy or productive. I'm sure alcohol, cocaine, and reckless driving is also fun for some people but that doesn't equivalate to achievement, meaning or purpose. All the best✌
Well, that video summed up my life neatly. Add in being very talented at a young age and adults constantly pushing expectations on you to achieve new heights (especially teachers of a "dying" school who wish to relive their glory days) and you end up crippled with anxiety and terrified of trying anything that may result in failure because you've been conditioned to believe that failure is meant for those who were born without talent or potential... thank you education system
then you get placed in jobs and roles with no support because people expect you to be a rockstar with no development on their end.
So for the things that we're inexperienced in, you're saying we just need to do those things to gain xp and level up
gamer brain right there
Y E S
not enough mana
You need to have the *courage* to unlock the requirements though, most just pussy out, but once you completed even just that initiative, you are already on the way.
HellomynameisRyanfirstoutindeedgooglelikesmesomuchtheybotheredmeuntilmynamewasthislong
Just gotta level up your social stats then.
Holy crap, he nailed me.
I was always told I'm smart. I never studied for anything and barely did my homework. Around fifth grade, this started catching up to me, but I still managed to bullshit my way through my classes. Around high school is when I felt really lost, but I still bullshitted my way through it all and managed to pass. Still, that time and experience was wasted. I wish I applied myself and learned what the other kids were learning. By the time I got to college, my pattern of laziness became a real problem. For the first time in my life, I looked around and noticed that the average person was smarter than I was. That's because I never applied myself to learning. Hard work beats intelligence.
We're not being challenged enough. And it makes sense, too. People wanted to play Classic Wow because "we want to be challenged more." People want to play games like Dark Souls and Cuphead because they're challenging. Well, what about life? Why don't we want to feel challenged in life? Because we are inexperienced. We speak fluent gaming, therefore Classic Wow, Cuphead, and Dark Souls are sufficiently challenging, but we are like level 5 noobs in life.
I stoped playing wow classic because I was not challenged and also because it felt like a giant waste of time. Now don't do much of anything planing to go learn react or some other front end framework but can not decide yet. I may even start a small community for learning react like a 5 man dungeon :)
fuuck
I like that analogy
Deku Wow so true
This is so relatable dude. Everything was fine for me untill maybe 8th grade, slowly going downhill from there. I'm starting to see this aswell and I wanna try to fix or change it in someway hopefully.
i overcame this feeling of anxiety and fear of failure in 2016, when i was 22 years old. it was out of pure spite and in a large scale pvp game. the shotcaller of my guild was making mistake after mistake and letting so many great opportunities slip... it bothered me more and more that we only were considered the 2nd best on EU instead of the best, which we could easily have been. so one day i somehow threw all my anxiety out of the window and made shit up about how experienced of a shotcaller i am (even though i barely ever had the guts to even join voice calls before that) for my guild to give me a shot and suddenly i had 150 people muted in a channel all listening to my voice, moving precisely on my command. it was a huge responsibility and i found myself in a situation i have never been in before, without any warm up or prior experience. but at the moment of performance it already clicked in my head and there was no sign of anxiety whatsoever.
i truly wish for everyone to one day take a leap like that. in the moment of truth you become outcome independant and while finding yourself in a before unimaginable situation, you will be with ur back to the wall with no other choice but to perform. it will change you
"if you try things and you accept that you're inexperienced, you're actually okay failing". everyone in college adopt this mindset. grades don't define you. 4.0 or bust is toxic. it's okay to fail. you might not be new to every subject, but you are inexperienced to each specific course that you are a part of.
This man's just gonna stand around and tell me the story of my life huh ; n ;
Ikr I figured this guy was gonna speak to me a little cause I’m a gamer but he literally summed my entire life up.
"Being observed by others, performing a task that makes you appear incompetent". This cut too deep.
@@Avo7977 Why did it cut too deep? Isn't it amazing, better understanding yourself and being given the tools to heal?
@@henk-janwesterhof4088 You're misconstruing what I'm saying. Deep change is often accompanied by pain.
@@Avo7977 gooooood
I completely relate to everything in the video. Also, when i was little and even to this day (almost an 18 years old) i get really frustrated when trying to do something and failing, especially things that I feel like I should be able to do (like solving math or chemistry problems). All my life I have been told "hes a smart kid, but hes a little lazy", and even in subjects such as math, where I would constantly get straight As and all my teachers/friends/family members would say "hes amazing at math", now I get Cs, not because I dont understand the subject, but because I refrain from even trying to understand it. Im constantly unable to pay attention in class as I get bored a lot and extremely easily and I rarely do my homework.
Sorry for the vent, I really identified with what you said in this video. Also, I found you beacuse of Devin Nash, thanks for the amazing content!
Frucks that’s me as well. Did well in math until college. Was just not disciplined enough and got too bored to do it on my own.
@@NusbaumssThe first thing I thought about going to high school back in the day was to change how I would like others to perceive me as I would meet new people. Well I tried but people would still think I was stupid because I share ideas that I haven't thought through and I get very enthusiastic about small things and I am very spontaneous and when I get stressed or pressured to give my opinions I tend to forget them every time. I have meet two people that I like to talk with (not in my class), otherwise I will try to keep my ideas for myself.
@@Nusbaumss I definetly work best with huge motivational boosts otherwise I struggle to move forward and that is because I think I am not working hard enough to my current vision or dream. I tend to have these energy spikes every so often but I make them myself by learning and exposing myself with new thoughts that I build into new ideas which becomes my daily and nightly thoughts that I expand and delight myself with and want to share with others. In this current time I have a big vision that will keep me focused for a long time. I was frequently ocupied with new ideas and thoughts before but now I have a mission or dream that I will pursue and that dream is not just a ordinary dream but a great one!
My biggest weakness is demotivating myself when other things in life goes bad (Wow literally didn't think of that until now) and I know that when I dedicate myself with something it has to be of interest to me in that moment or I will struggle alot that is why pursuing a dream that is both widely stimulant to my mind and very interesting will keep me very dedicated like the vision I have.
bro dont trip. its 2019 you have 24/7 access to technology millions of times more powerful than anyone's brain
Dude wtf exactly the same with me. In my first year of Uni i had 90s in math and now i finished off my math major settling for a C. My procastination went through the roof. I really am trying to make changes though, if you wanna talk more about it then we can
Damn this guy made me realize that I avoid almost anything challenging, no matter what it is, even in video games I'm trying the easiest routes.
my therapist WISHES they could dive this deep
SO TRUE
ok, he basically told me my life in a few minutes and i gotta get more xp
When high lvl players show you that lvl 21, green EQ and 3 skills isn't the endgame. 😂😂😂
You're stuck fighting one hit-kill mobs
gotta build that enderman farm boys
Tbc coming out, perfect place to grind some xp
So we’re not stupid, our level is just too low.
Takeshi Holy shit the cringe. Nice pfp
You Belong to the S type Class. but u got no XP. bcz u always think u are S u should not do E-Rank Dungeons. and u keep failing at ur S-Rank dungeons since the difficulty increase exponontially
Basically, humans are biologically social animals and the more you're being rejected by your environment (school mates, colleagues etc.) the more you will try to look less of an idiot around them in hopes that they will accept you, making you not only talk less but also be naturally inclined towards things that you are already good at due to having prior experience or due to being "easy to make fast progress". This is why the bullied kid was "the nerd" because he ended up being overly good in his studying as a coping mechanism. This also happens to gamers, you suck at social life you suck at school so you grasp the tree branch of gaming to hang from.
Think of it as a coping mechanism for incompetence.
@@yosha2467 I don't think it's that simple. I love gaming as a hobby for a slightly different reason.
When I was a kid at family parties, the adults were drinking and having discussions that the kids didn't really understand and we'd all just run around and play instead. Gaming was a part of that, finding something on T.V that we could interact with, and we had some golden moments (me, my sibling and cousins) all playing video games like Mario Kart, Goldeneye, FIFA, etc.
Video games were a part of bonding in the real world.
You are right to a degree about the fear of being viewed as incompetent though. Though I think the video gives a much better point on it. We're here gaming because people don't like smart people in regular life, and you literally have to become a little bit of an asshole to assert yourself because of it.
How funny that fear is such a driving force in life for people. Literally people fear the smart kid so they try to shame him/her for being smart and make their lives difficult.
We don't have Creative Mode yet, We'll have that updated in the next patch.
I grew up with the idea of talent, either you are skilled at something, smart etc, or you're not. The idea of skill through experience is something I never knew about growing up. Later in life the shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset made all the difference. Though I keep slipping back from time to time.
That's good to hear, keep at it, proud of you! :)
This guy is gonna make massive leaps in mental health and he's going to be a legend
TL;DW: You're still lvl 1 in most things, and need to grind
Too long; didn't wead
When I was a kid and through high school, I was always told how smart I was and that I was great at math (AP/honors in everything I could). Then in university, I walked around the math department, saw some papers posted, etc, and realized I didn't know a goddamn thing about math. Then, I went on to do something even dumber than dropping out: I majored in philosophy.
konkeydonged I LOL'ed
Smart
At least you didn't major in gender studies :)
@@shahrikamin4699 Nah, gender studies is a social science. You can actually get a job as a researcher with it. That's more than you can say about a philosophy degree.
Dude. I literally am in 10000% the same situation. Failed my first year maths at uni after never getting below 85% for maths in highschool. I was literally considering philosophy major until I decided to try once more and I passed. Currently in second year and again I have no idea what Is going on. I really hope I can follow Dr K's advice and get around this avoidance (laziness).
TLDR; Don’t be insecure about your shortcomings, it’s okay to fail since, nothing in life comes easy, simply focus on making progress by building experience.
Even knowing this I can't help but feel like shit when failing and wanting to leave.
Dr: gamers are smarter than the rest of the population on average
Me: *looks at myself and my bronze lobby*
Lmaoo same, I play in iron bronze lobbies in valorant everyday yet he said 'gamers tend to avoid doing things they are not good at' aight then maybe i am doing something right
@@shreyaskumar7658 I think Dr. K explains it in one of the other videos, he used fortnite as an example: "knowing there are 100 players on the island and only 1 wins, you only have a 1% chance of winning and therefore lose most of your games. But the 1% of games you win gives you a huge high" I think it works the same way if you're just not good at a game
For me it’s social activity. I’ve relegated to being alone nearly all the time and could definitely say that I have no friends. I see no reason to go out and socialize because you can get hurt and let down in many ways, and why would I want to get hurt? So I completely avoid it at all costs. It’s peaceful to be alone, but it will get me nowhere in life realistically and this contradictory fact worries me greatly for my future.
There comes a point when you get sick of being sad and lonely. You then have to push yourself to do things that aren't comfortable to grow and get better like this guy said. Start small
I'm same situation unfortnuately.
I used to be in a similar situation for the most part of my life, but in my first year of high school (almost 3 years ago) I started to realize I wasn't as introverted as I thought and really came out of my shell. Since then I've constantly been surprised by how many great people are out there and by how far a little indifference to other/random people's thoughts goes.
huge struggle for me too, moving multiple times in my early life really hurt me I think. I moved after 3rd grade and then right before my last year of highschool. So I had 1 year of HS with 0 long term friends and now have no friends that live near me, I was on college campus for 2 years and made some short term friends in classes but never really hung out too much. So now I'm "comfortably" alone, and the fact that I'm comfortable with that scares me tbh. Being an introvert is scary man because if I don't HAVE to go anywhere I won't really go out.
@@blairm015 I don't think it's necessarily bad to be introverted and not have many friends, or never be compelled to go out. I think the only real important thing to have socially is a few close people that you can trust deeply and spend time with, even if it's only online
Laughed through the whole video, resonated with this so much. Basically my whole life I have handicapped myself by setting high expectations up for myself, and never let myself fail by learning and taking shortcuts to appear a certain way not to look incompetent. Anyone else feeling this way?
Absolutely. It's so weird that by avoiding failure, I end up effectively doing nothing in life. It took me 22 years to realize this, but even still its going to be hard to break myself out of, like I don't even know where to start.
everytime, I can believe I just watched this Im in awe right now
same. i get instantly defeated when i dont grasp something right away. my ego is too inflated from years of being called "smart" and now im having to recover from these bad habits
@@blairm015 i couldnt feel you anymore man, im about to turn 22 in september and i havent even gotten my life started, let alone dropped out & tried getting my GED twice but, im not sure where i go from here.
I've always been perceived in my life as stupid by my family. This was one of my main motivations to succeed in life and the reason I wanted to go to med school. Kinda to prove to myself that I can do it and to prove them wrong. I got the highest grade from my group but still didn't get accepted. Believe me when I say that failure got me. I felt like a piece of shit. At the end of the day, I realized my mental health was getting worse by studying 24/7. Instead, I got into software engineering and I've never been more content with myself in my entire life. Honestly, If there is one thing I should tell you is to not pressure yourself in any way to prove others wrong.
I didn't do anything not last minute until half way through the 11th grade, now I'm 23 and I've been avoiding basically everything I loved to do since it started taking work.
I'm not a gamer, but I definitely identify with this avoidance theory. I felt safe through the end of high school with this mindset because there was enough easier problems for me to solve to feel satisfied with myself. I went for the lowest hanging fruit as often as I could and felt satisfied with doing a lot although never really challenged myself. Then I attended college and was confronted with challenges that I was too afraid to tackle. I never wanted to look in-experienced so I would opt out of experiences that would challenge me academically and socially. So I've felt this stagnation throughout college; I've been afraid to grow and gain new experiences and that's difficult to come to terms with.
Ouch, I can relate to every word of that.
Rel
Yes I can relate to that
holy fuck, it's like he's talking to me directly. everything you've said here applies to me. during the past year I've come to the realization that my parents calling me "smart" probably did more harm than good for me, and this just confirms it. Thank you, doctor.
I honestly think 90% of kids were called smart in elementary school. Seriously, unless you were actually mentally handicapped...NO...even if you were actually mentally handicapped. Everyone was called smart. And now here we are. Unable to live up to expectations.
This reinforces my feeling that "gifted" is another type of special-needs student. In many ways, high ability people need similar support to disabled people if they're going to meet their potential.
what do you mean?
‘Extra’ support is needed when you are different enough from the average person who is targeted by the ‘normal’ support
You know he has another video on that exact topic? Gifted kids are special needs to it’s a great vid would defo recommend
When I failed to turn in my assignment in the 4th grade, I remember my father lecturing me on how I was lazy. That has always stuck with me. Im finally understanding why that speech bothered me so much. Thank you!
Thank you based algorithm
The algorithm has experience at being based.
It only took it 3 days of searching monster hunter videos
Are you a fan of Misinformed, fellow worshipper of The Based God?
Based? Based on what?
riposip misinformed meme
This is essentially protecting your ego to an extreme
agree
You mean the common sense ego or the psychological term ego?
@@ga35am They're the same thing. When someone is being egotistical, they're letting it be all about the captain, and not the ship, crew or mission.
@@marcvesper they are definitely NOT the same thing. The common term ego has mostly a bad interpretation only. The psychological term admit advantages and disavantages. Your ship analogy is very ... I don't even know how to describe it.
@@ga35am People don't often understand the concepts they reference, but still often do so correctly. In common speech, talking about ego strikes me as generally, if incidentally, fair accusation of ego dominated behaviour (rather than psychically balanced behaviour). No?
Hey folks - Dr. K’s Healthy Gamer Coaching is a cutting-edge program tailored for the unique mental health needs of the internet generation. It can help with issues like lack of motivation, excessive procrastination, missing life purpose, repairing/building relationships, and more! All Healthy Gamer Coaches are trained personally by Dr. K!
You can learn more here: bit.ly/3sGOAUt
you are literally telling gamers to get more XP, :) beyond that this is such a good seminar, two thumbs up
Interesting I thought it didn't apply because I was never considered the smart kid but it was just that I skipped the smart kid stage straight to avoidance.
i doubt his program would even help us too. lot of what holds us down is our environment. Finding a job where our creativeness and intelligence is rewarded is extremely hard. Especially if you don't live in a big city with more opportunity it feels like you gotta wait until somebody straight up dies to even have a worthy position available. On top of that finding an honest company that doesn't fuck people over or destroy the planet is also hard. Best thing we can do is start our own company and give it 300%
I am a gamer because the big ideas that I dream up would help people. I want the inevitable extinction to happen sooner and not contribute to delaying it or causing more damage to the world.
I also use gaming to fast forward through life (my perception of it anyway) because I find human existence dull. You can only sky dive so many times before it is passé.
If you like this concept, I highly recommend having a look at Dr. Carol Dweck's work. She has done stuff around growth/fixed mindset and how that drives our behaviours and tendencies!
There are some good YT vids and she also has a book.
27 years.
27 years to listen to words that come very close to my truth…
I’m 27, and I feel like I am finding parts of answers to my issues. Just randomly, in life, in therapy, and HERE on CZcams. Thanks Dr Gamer, I hope to get to the point I’ll be a healthy gamer.
He got this spot on, exactly my issue
It’s gotten to a point where I’m afraid to try things because I am so afraid of the embarrassment that will come from my inevitable failure (also correlated is the severe insecurity and lack of confidence in my capabilities)
Me too, bro
same boat man, quit a new job because i dont like the spotlight and anxiety
Same here. Getting only one client for my business could change my whole life but I’m afraid of being judged when cold calling people. I’m afraid of stumbling over my text and become embarrassed and I also figured out that I’m talking to people way out of my league... Only way to succeed is to jump into the cold water tho, guess there’s just no way out.
I feel like this could actually change my life. I've never been able to describe how i feel as precisely as this video does. I'm not even even able to write a comment in english (not my native language) without checking if the spelling of every word is correct because i fear that people will judge me.
I need to implant in my brain the idea that being inexperienced is not being stupid, and that I must stick with the things which don't come natural to me cause only then i will gain experience and confident.
If you didn’t say English isn’t your first language, I don’t think anyone would’ve been able to tell from reading this. Point being, you are better and more capable than you think!
inFAMOUSclutch7 agreed
so true
yup. me too. I was always smart enough to get over with any minor challenge school presented. Stuck on that stereotype of "smart lazy kid" and i thought it was cool. But life catches up, now im 25y old, didnt finish my graduation yet (cuz i never really attended classes) and im realizing i have NOTHING. I'm smart, for sure, 120-30 IQ but thats nothing cuz i have nothing and no desire to do any real work and make money fooling less intelligent people.
God this world is so fucked up.
I feel like this could actually (unnecessary word) change my life. I've never been able to describe how i (capitalization) feel as precisely as this video does. I'm not even even (repeated word) able to write a comment in english (capitalization) (not my native language) without checking (to see) if the spelling of every word is correct because i (capitalization) fear that people will judge me.
I need to implant in my brain the idea that being inexperienced is not being stupid, and that I must stick with the things which don't come natural (ly) to me cause (because) only then i (capitalization) will gain experience and confident (confidence).
Congratulations! An excellent effort for a non-English speaker. I look forward to your continuous improvement as you gain more experience. You are well on your way to proficiency.
Oh. My. God. This has opened my eyes. That part about being told you're smart and not wanting to look dumb explains so much of my childhood and how I never asked for help even when things got tough. I didn't want to look weak or dumb, and I began to shun praise/feel imposter syndrome when people praised me. This will change my life, thank you. Been watching you for a while but was wondering about your earlier years on youtube. A real gem right here. I'm glad I found it.
literally described my entire existence
2ndrwkng alright bro whatever u say lol
Same
2ndrwkng Same, this dude also told the story of my life, but it’s true, I’m not that intelligent, not compared to most of the people around me, but I’m literate, I had good nutrition to develop a healthy brain and my parents could afford having me in a good school, so I got an edge over most of the people my age on the world, I also learned how to cheese exams, like how a machine would do chess, not because it Can think creatively to overcome the problems presented by the game but because it has learn through simple pattern repetition, so my grades weren’t bad, but they weren’t great either.
People did tell me I was smart, so I guess it got to my head and for a time I acted like a self righteous snob with the biggest ego in the planet, eventually I crashed against the wall that is reality and realized that I was just being a naive asshole, and I had wasted my teenage years trying to look smart instead of enjoying the fun stuff most of my classmates did. Then in college my mediocrity really got the better of me, today my grades are abysmal, I’m thinking about dropping out and just fleeing to another country to save my family some shame, I don’t por any effort in any of my engineering classes.
I bullshitted my way trough college all the way to 5th semester, yet I don’t really understand a single thing nor Can remember any of the calculus or physics or programming principles I was supposed to learn, that’s not what smart people do.
I always had this delusions of grandeur, of working for big names and becoming famous or just making my own megacorp and being like Elon musk.
But today I’m realizing that all I really need is a good job, a roof above my head and some genuine friends somewhere I can call home, sadly I’ve placed all of this great expectations on other people’s mind, so when my failure to become one of the geniuses finally gets out, to my family and my friends that expected so much of me, they’re not gonna look kindly to it.
I’ve thought about ending it all before, the easiest way to not have to deal with all those expectations and the consequences of not living up to them, that’d be a shitty thing for me to do, I’d break my mother’s hearth.
I’m not writing this to get sympathy from anyone, I don’t expect it, I’ve been an idiot my whole life, and I won’t claim to be a good person either, I’m a greedy, cowardly, and lazy bastard that would rather flee than facing the consequences of his own choices in life.
That’s why I want to leave this place, and start anew somewhere else with a blank slate to fill, this time I swear I’ll do things differently, I can’t afford to repeat the same mistakes once again. But then again, someone like me doesn’t deserve that mercy, of being able to start from scratch.
@@user-kn2qk8ly8c all I can say is, Hang in there bro.
im literally on the verge of crying this is me to a t. I feel like its impossible to move forward with my life. this is something i need to rewatch at least 4 or 5 times and note down everything. Im glad someone like you exists, thank you. I need to make sure i remember this and continue to watch this guy.
Hey hang in there. You will make it.
Damn, that's rough to hear. Writing is one of the best ways to move forward, so keep doing that, but make sure if you write down you're going to do something, you do it. Or else it has no real value.
I've been there. Many times over and over again. Whenever I was stuck and the tension started to rise, I would repeat to myself "one step after the other, one step after the other, ignore the big picture for now and just take one step after the other." and then pic the first step that I was capable of doing, moving myself along focusing on just one step at a time.
Sounds simple act that's why it works. Just like box breathing, works so well with anxiety, even the Navy seals use it. You will find your own strategies on time, just remember one step at a time.
@@sonkeschmidt2027 yea. patients with depression need to be taught "yes, it might be true that life has no meaning, but right now let's focus on taking a shower and getting some breakfast" XD
Go watch some Jordan Peterson, seriously.
I use to be very social...but I LEARNED over time that being social is not in my best interest.
I used to be very social back then when I was young too. Idk what happened but starting from high school, my self-confidence began to dwindle to the point where I'd prefer being in a dark room all alone than attending a party full of people.
The "smart" kids only do things that make them look smart, and they hate, dismiss or ridicule anyone who brings up topics outside their area of expertise.
"Its not that i'm smart or stupid, but that I'm Experienced or Inexperience." just blew my mind
First time in a a very long time I had a doctor literally describe how I feel and what I'm thinking. What a legend.
Every single word he said felt like it was spoken directly to me. You have no idea how much this resembles my life in every single way ,and the impact this video has left in me is overwhelmingly positive ,thank you doctor.
Thank you so much for this... it brought me to tears. And thank you for all the other advice you've given out and continue to give out. You and other channels that explore psychological health have helped me so much in looking at who I am clearly, along with helping me identify and repair all the harm the adults who were around me unintentionally caused.
I love love love that I found you through your interview with Reckful. I have a feeling you're the catalyst I've had to find for the last 10 years.
Thank you a lot for what you do, my friend.
I'm the same. It seems that the CZcams algorithm gods have blessed us this time.
Same! This guy is at the forefront of gaming addiction.
Mark my words, gaming addiction will be a household topic in 15 years.
@Google User Oh here we go... another Peterson hater
@Google User wtf does "stretch into silly" mean? English isn't my 1st lang, but I am at C1 level so I'm sure I'll be able understand you, so please explain :)
as in, talk about unrelated/useless topics, or what?
@Google User I'm also a huge JP fan, so I'm curious why you think he's "stretched into silly."
Are you suggesting the media/ twitter radicals gave him a bad reputation or that his content has become delirious?
Randomly stumbled upon this a video that explain myself on almost every level. Why I procrastinate, why I don't study what I find "hard" to the tests (what I don't pick up right away). And my entire childhood being called smart, intelligent and a "natural".
Literally listened to this whilst playing a game. Ironic, but genuinely reassuring. Only now I can acknowledge that video game addiction is something I have experienced since an early age.
So basically i put all my starting skill points into maxing out intelligence and i only did quests that require my intelligence skill and avoided quests that lvl up my other lvl 1 skills. Nice
Kids being filled with confidence seems to be apart of this overall trend of “helicopter parenting” for (gamers and non gamers alike). How do parents give their kids confidence without ruining their ability to grow from failures/experiences?
Great question
The answer is paradoxically simple and complex. In a nutshell the goal is to teach your children. You dont want them to look both ways when they cross the street because you'll gripe at them, you want them to look both ways because they understand why that's important and keeps them safe. So that's where the complexity arrives, there are times when experience is the best way to learn (i.e. being allowed to fail until you succeed). And there are times when ones barrier to achieving certain knowledge isnt a lack of being allowed to fail. Things that only come with time for instance. Doesnt matter how many times I let a 3 year old do my taxes, hes simply going to need to be a little older to accomplish that (to even understand what "doing taxes" is). No one is, or ever will be perfect at this. So in reality, each and every parent needs to decide each and every scenario. Parents are left to decide when their child simply needs supervision and help, or when they need to explore something for themselves. The real solution to this problem is education, teaching parents how to teach children. And teaching children so that they become wise parents. Actually teaching people is a skill, a skill that needs to be examined and refined before its mastered. Work many people ignore or dont understand they have neglected. Particularly kind and dedicated parents who arent good teachers might become what you consider "helicopter parents" just desperately trying to avoid negative outcomes for their children constantly. So judge them not, they are more often than not, the best of the ignorant. Instead just be glad they arent ignoring their children or beating them -some thoughts from a stranger
Mr. V 🙏🏼
Applaud hard work, not accomplishments
Compliment them on effort and not inherent traits.
It took me nearly 30 years to realize being smart isn't enough, and start failing in order to succeed.
what is your definition of smart
@@KaosSaBotazs i'm asking for his personal definition of the word, you pretentious oaf
@@KaosSaBotazs smart: intelligent, or able to think quickly or intelligently in difficult situations.
something nearly every kid gets told in school ("you're not a stupid fuck, you're just lazy!")
averageness is diffucult to intergrate into the definition because there are different qualities of intelligence and/or knowledge ("smarts"). trying to put people on an intelligence (/smart) spectrum and declaring smart above-average is pretty dumb imo
i'm *soo* good at reading people that i'm overwhelmed by all the input, which is too much for me to interpret, and makes me power off in social (group) situations. this is one of the main reason for my social anxiety. i surely must be genius? no, of course not. being smart is way more than that, and very vague as it is a label put on (supposedly) smart people also by (seemingly) not so smart ones, who maybe may not be able to review their smarts ...
I think the main usage of the word boils down to being impressed by someones mental abilities, with a focus on the corresponding intelligence, and the the percieved difficulty in aquiring that ability, which is inherintly subjective. contrasted with the definition of the word, which is not so much subjective
@@KaosSaBotazs i've got another good definition though
smart: not wasting time of ones precious life on commenting on a CZcams video, which was recommended to me by the algorithm but i still clicked on it (you stupid fuck)
look what the algorithm made me dooo!!
@@KaosSaBotazs here's another one
smart: a word used by stupid people to satisfy their own massive ego
Man he really hit the bullseye. I've been with 4 therapists and even though some of the better ones have tried prying into my childhood, they still didn't get anywhere productive. They figured out I feel judged but couldn't explain why (nor could I), so it was harder to work on the problem since they couldn't get to the root of it. And already, within the first half hour of this talk, he's nailed the cause of patterns I've noticed for years now. Smart kid who avoids more and more as I grew up, terrified of making mistakes in front of people so I just don't do things. I look forward to the rest of this series.
You just completely, entirely described these 20 years of my life. Feeling frustrated, sad and without motivation to do what I CLEARLY knew I wanted to do. Just Thank You. I found your channel yertesday, and since then I've been watching your videos. You gave me motivation to start doing things I always feared. Because I've build up this fake "reputation" of always being the smartest anyone. In my family, with my friends, etc. I'm honestly tired of that bullshit. I sure am smart. But I want to feel free of making mistakes. To truly live, doing now SO MUCH THINGS I've always wanted to accomplish. Just Thank You. Today I decide to change.
Pay special attention to this if you're planning to go to university and you're still in grade school.
Don't feel bad or inferior if all of the sudden you don'r immediately understand and synthesize concepts, and actually have to open a book to study. I got an IQ test as a child and scored around 150 - after introductory courses at university going for electrical engineering the material started to become too much for me to get through by just absorbing information during lecture and had to study - this was very difficult as I never had to do this before. It's okay to struggle and know that even very smart people struggle before they succeed - if you hit a mental roadblock it doesn't mean you're stupid.
If you're precocious and also put in the effort to become really knowledgeable in something useful, people will look up to you as a role model and a lot of opportunities will come to you. Having both makes you uniquely valuable because you'll be able to find novel solutions to problems pertaining to a field you know like the back of your hand.
What he’s saying is “train your weaknesses”. I’ve always said learn to love doing the things you hate.
man this guy makes me stop fearing failure and actually giving me inspiration to do things about my problem of feelling like I'm smart when I'm just 17. I got too scared to do anything new because I feared failing but thanks for making me view it as inexperience. This is the beauty of DR
This guy is spot on. It wasn't until I had my own son and had to explain that failure is a necessary part of success that I really made that connection in my own life. It was something that I had always known, but never acted on.
Damn I'm real happy youtube actually recommended something that hits home for once
plot twist: that's an empty room and he's not a certified specialist
I was halfway into the video while reading this. For the other half of the video I couldn't "not imagine" the room being empty.
?
Wait the room isn't empty?
We are the empty room
We're not people, not even humans
Not a gaming addict, but holy shit I didn't see that curveball coming. Sounds exactly like my life, gaming addiction aside.
I wouldn't consider myself a gamer (although I do love games but don't play often) I seriously relate to your channel so much and have gotten so much positivity from it!!! This video is just another one of those awesome unsugarcoated realities and I love it!!! THANK YOU!!
I'm surprised he didn't connect the dots. Video games are competency simulators. They are excellent at making you feel like you're good at what you're doing and that it matters.
Because it's not the correct connection. He explicitly says that they're actually smart, but don't like big, unusual challenges. Video games do make you smarter, and there's no "real" or "simulated" for the brain, it's just that the real world is a big and unusual challenge for them. If a gamer actually gets out of this mindset, he can learn to be social even faster than an average person
@@user-mj6zs8iv1x I think you're misconstruing the issue. Social interactions competency is very different from video game competency, which relies primarily on spacial awareness, quick reactions, and logic processing. Social interactions rely on interpreting the other's feelings and your own, and feelings tend to be illogical. The reliance on logic makes anything illogical counterintuitive.
There's also no penalty for failing in a videogame. You can try as many times as you like until you get it right. Unlimited opportunities in real life are much rarer.
@@micahgmiranda feelings are not illogical. They are intuitive responses to situations that are too complex for single bandwidth processing (what we commonly call the voice or pictures in our heads). Feelings are the process of multi layered analysis. It's more like statistics. And everyone who studies math knows that people who like statistics are not the common mathematician.
Situations that require intuition, require the "head" to be silent. You have to train that in order to be able to do that and is usually not in the school curriculum.
@@sonkeschmidt2027 I'm not implying that feelings or being illogical is wrong. In fact if anyone thinks feelings are wrong, they don't understand how people work. Feelings are illogical in the sense that they aren't derived from if ... then statements. Intuition is more about perception, where feeling is a judgement. This is Carl Jung/MBTI stuff.
thank you HealthyGameGG, I plan on bettering myself because I feel the result of this negativity has made me anti-social, I don't want this anymore its a very big rock in my life. I want it OUT!!
@Lotus 369 Isn't this exactly the thing Dr. is talking in the video? Inexperience. You point out 'gym, club, drugs' but none of them are hobbies and even if you stretched and said they are, still just 3 out of endless possibilities.You never know if you like something without trying.
@@TeakBoxxx3r Thats true, never have i imagined about skating and suddenly a friend in class suggested It to me, It's wonderful
@Lotus 369 your perspective is fucked. first reply to this is right - nothing you named is a prosocial hobby (going on the streets, going to the gym, going to the club) unless you are deeply interested in integrating those things into your life because you find some value in them. you don't bond with people (i.e. socialize) over "being at the gym", "being on the street", or "going to the club". at least, you aren't going to form meaningful bonds through those mediums. to form meaningful bonds, you will need to connect with people over meaningful things. to connect over meaningful things, you will have to discover what you find to be meaningful, or conjure up what you find meaningful. from your paragraph, it sounds like you are suffering from something more profound than you are aware of, and i would recommend doing some research and possibly contacting a therapist. im in therapy too bro
that was incredible... Dr K. essentially summed up exactly how my life progressed for the first 20 years with this 8 minute video. Sat smiling to myself as each point hit home harder and harder.
Here's a different problem. As gamers when starting off any game we start as nothing and over the course of many hours of trial and error we reach a point in a game that we essentially master it. Then we move on to the next game. Rinse and repeat. The point I'm trying to make is that I'm not worried that I'll be perceived as stupid or smart. It's the fact that regardless of what I do I know if I truly focus and work hard I will master it. Just like any game. So where do I start? Let's say I do choose. Will it satisfy me? If not, I will never get that time back. At least with single player games the time investment isn't that high, so I do that instead. Time passes and I become burned out by games. Depression and anxiety set in. I try to fill the whole with other forms of entertainment, occasionally playing games on again off again. I waste away with nothing to show for. Perfectly uncomfortable in the existential grave I dug myself in. The coffin is made out of gaming, movies, anime, and pornography.
THIS IS NOT A CRY FOR HELP.
This is quite relatable, but we do stick a bit longer to the games which are a bit grindy and are quite fun to play daily, i think we can make the analogy of the life with such grindy long ass game where you'll never reach the top probably, and its a very interesting and complicated puzzle to solve and that could be the reason to try out the game called life and see how far can you grind.
I've been saying "ill never get that time back" for years and never did anything because of that. I will NEVER get that time back.
i have the opposite problem. I game all weekend and love it, but that 8 hour shift at work? ill never get those hours back...
@@blackraven9787 However, in video games it seems to me that the level of effort required for success is far lesser than in life. In life success in any field requires time and a great deal of physical or mental effort. (Sometimes both)
In most video games, the only requirement is time. Most video games are very easy. Even the hardest ones can be completed when you spend enough time playing them. (Gaining experience)
So not only is life more difficult, it is harder to motivate yourself with the reward you will get at the end. It is easier to envision a reward from a videogame, wether that be a high score, new gun or armor, or a certain number of stars on a level. It is much more difficult to envision success in life. Success means so many different things to different people, and it is nearly impossible to motivate yourself to do something if you're not sure if it will bring you success. So I would suggest asking yourself, "what do I consider to be a successful person?" If you can answer that question honestly, than you can move on to determining how you will become successful. If you cant answer that question honestly, dont feel bad, most people can't. What I would suggest doing if you cant answer that question, is "try everything". Try to learn as much as you can, and dont be afraid to fail. Try to do everything, and dont let anyone tell you that it will be too hard. Life takes A LOT of work. If you are willing to put in the effort, you can accomplish anything.
It's in your "Destiny 2" play games .
I'm so glad you're getting more and more popular. I've been to therapists in the past and always tried to understand the reason for my anxieties. But after watching a lot of your videos I really understand more things and myself even better and think I can turn things around. I will keep watching your videos. Its so crazy to me that finally there is someone to voice these things, and help people like us out. Conventional therapy never helped me and I'm gonna guess it never help anyone here. But what you're doing is really something special and It is in the process of helping me and it looks like a lot of other people too. Thank you Dr. K! :D
I learned about this from a social psychology book I got from the library. It's called self-handicapping. It's more self-deflating to try hard and fail than to not try and have a ready excuse. The ego is a delicate thing that our minds seem to protect fiercely.
What if the "failing" part would make me homeless and that's why I don't try it.
Nice theory you got there, it doesn't work.
@@RabbitConfirmed It's not a one size fits all. There are different situations. Self-handicapping is usually unintentionally sabotaging your chances of success. That way you have some excuse to fall back on to rather than just not being good enough.
And there's a difference between a calculated risk and doing something dumb. Doing something dumb to me would be doing something unlikely to work out for most people and that has lasting consequences. A calculated risk is like asking a girl out. You might get rejected and it's gonna suck but the repercussion is just a little less self-esteem. Or investing in stock that may or may not turn a profit.
In the end it's up to you to decide whether you're self-handicapping or are deciding against a dumb move.
I don't see myself as lazy, I love improving myself in basically everything. I just don't see the point in doing it.
Going to the gym is one thing I like, because it feels great to ''beat yourself'', but it amounts to nothing really in the end... like everything else.
I don't think I'm super smart, I know I'm smart in specific areas.
I just don't see what I would gain from putting that much effort in the rest of my life other than responsibilities I don't really want.
I just wanna have a good time and unfortunately, I don't get that in basically anything but gaming.
Anything else would require me to do tremendous amount of work/effort for little to no gratification while also putting my time and sanity on the line.
Driving is the only other thing I enjoy. I do things I'm not super good at because, as I said, I like improving. I just don't enjoy them as much so why bother?
Existentialism kicks in...
Yes that feeling like nothing that you could possibly work towards will be "Worth it" in the end. I get that feeling too, but I think the thing that makes the effort worthwhile is the progress itself, the results are just secondary.
@J S I think no human knows how. Side effects of being a sentient creature, I guess. In our history, as species, to deal with that feeling of purposelessness we got busy; built civilisations out of nothing and burnt them into nothing, fought, made peace, wrote, read, sang, and played. We created myths and stories and took ourselves seriously in an attempt to distract ourselves. It stopped wroking as we got smarter, though...
As to how to deal with the human condition, basically doing anything that will keep the mind focused on anything but the purpose of existence, I think. But as many before me pointed out, this is merely a distraction, not a definitve answer. I am unsure if a definitive answer even exists to be honest. And I'm rambling again...
03:42
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If you stop and think about it, the hardest things for gamers to do...the hardest thing for you to do, is something where you're being observed by other people and you feel incompetent. And why is it that it bothers you so much even if those are people that you don't care about, even if you're never gonna see them again? It's really hard for you to do anything where other people see how incompetent you are."
This is such a strong point, and broadly applicable to many facets of life. Even after Dr. K elaborates on this statement and explains how experience can help combat this, you can still be experienced but not take action because fear of seeming incompetent. To make matters even more complicated, once you're experienced, you can also suffer from imposter syndrome. I've legitimately become a professional at IT, specifically in Web and Python automation for large corporations as my day job...but for some reason I STILL find excuses not to post new tutorials to my CZcams channel. Any idea I have for a video, I either tell myself that I'll say something inappropriate on my channel that will make me lose my IRL job, or I'll convince myself that I'm not good enough at the subject at hand to make BEGINNER LEVEL tutorials on it. Just fully irrational justifications of why not to get started. He makes a good point that it's not laziness, it's risk aversion. Risk of judgement from peers or employers, or risk of spending a lot of time on making videos and getting no views. Now 7+ years have passed since I made a YT video that got 100k+ views, but I still find myself not creating any more content on a regular basis, despite putting a lot of thought into it. I'm going to spend some time tonight and get started on a new tutorial. Ironically I usually enjoy the process of making them anyways. I'll just schedule an hour of undistracted work, no need to rake myself over the coals here. It'll be a fresh start. Thanks for the new perspectives Dr. K!
This is 100% me in a nutshell. I feel paralysed so that I can't achieve what I want and I really don't know what the solution is.
"...When they grow up, they're told that they're smart."
Haha, oh no. I know exactly where the rest of this is going.
It's honestly kind of alarming how such a little thing can have such a profound effect down the line.
this video randomly showed up in my recommendations and it has helped me turn my life around. thank you mr. k.
This video is like God answering my prayers. You have helped me immensely, thank you very much! I can't express just how much this video has helped me.
Like seriously, this has helped me to understand the problems in my life and has given me the ethos to fix them. Despite being a self describing Philosopher and trying to decipher why it is so hard to move away from video games and do things that are foreign to me, this video has explained the problems I face and has given a solution in only 8 minutes.
Like I seriously can't truly communicate the importance of watching this video was for me.
Thank you for making this Dr. K
This doesn't explain why I'm hardstuck in Gold elo, F.
F
KEKW
Cuz you are bad at the game
because you most likely don't practice enough, and take long breaks and dick around with friends, to get better you can't just turn off your mind and play, you have to be thinking about what your during
@@_Khalmyr_ That's the joke my man
Thank you for curing my deep depression in 8 minutes.
yup
If it was cured in 8 minutes , it wasn't depression.
Honestly, hearing this hit so hard without realising it would, and has a lot of valid points to nod at and say 'well.. omg yeah.. that is so true'.
Looking forward to the rest of the episodes in this playlist!
If only I saw something like this 10 years ago.
I somehow managed to start getting out of this mindset on my own lately, but I never really understood what was actually going on, this describes everything perfectly. I was stuck for such a long time, but I'm making progress and I feel like knowing this will be a huge help.
Thank you and keep up the good work dr. K.