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How Being Betrayed Changes You
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- čas přidán 2. 08. 2024
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See the full lecture here, where Tim discusses where to start in healing from betrayal trauma: • Understanding Trauma -...
Betrayal can bring on a complex mix of emotions within people. It often leads to feelings of deep hurt, disappointment, anger, and sadness. It can create a sense of vulnerability and skepticism towards others. Betrayal may also trigger self-doubt and a questioning of your own judgement of people and relationships. Coping with betrayal can result in emotional distress and a sense of loss.
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Chapters
00:00 Emotional symptoms
03:52 Cognitive symptoms
06:09 The message received from betrayal
07:15 Physical symptoms
08:46 Behavioural symptoms
10:37 Relationship symptoms
13:30 Sexual symptoms
15:02 Spiritual symptoms
15:56 Conclusion
The worst part is ruminating about the betrayal and not wanting to think about it or talk about it but it just comes back at anytime ...
When I get thoughts I don't like, I literally say, No I don't agree with that and I choose to be thankful and forgive. It actually helps! Also, the renewing of my mind by reading the Bible is super valuable. Jesus helps me overcome things that I could never do on my own! Jesus is the best!
@@michellejohnsen912I completely agree. Betrayal has been the absolute worst experience I have lived out of all my experiences. But no one understands betrayal like Jesus Christ. It truly has been my daily bread. 🙏🏻❤️
@@thebluebutterfly5177 amen sister 🕊
For me it's the anger. At the one who betrayed me directly at time when my mind starts ruminating and remembering, but also at anyone who only remotely acts or says things like the betrayer, I immediately jump up and am triggered and verbally aggressive towards them! While I could just let it go, they pose no threat to me by their behavior, I am in no way connected to them or in a position to be hurt by them, yet I react negatively because I am just so triggered when somebody behaves like my betrayer. I just can't control it! That's what bothers me!
There isn't anything wrong with you. It's what happened to you that was wrong. Big hugs ♥ it's a terrible psychological shock when something like that happens. It's a completely normal human reaction. Ironic how we know how to deal with physical shock but not mental shock and the grief process involved. Instead we have a tendency to further add salt to the wound by attaching a label causing you to be stigmatized by others as though there actually is something wrong with you. Everyone has an ego. Betrayal is the most painful ego death that a human being could ever suffer. It will keep on resurfacing until you can finally trust someone enough to talk to about it. It means you must be willing to allow yourself to be vulnerable and willing to trust again. Therapy helps. Most definitely. Just remember...it wasn't your fault you were betrayed by someone you loved ♥
Once you figure out human nature youve got it made. Been betrayed more times than i care to remember, family romantic partners and more.As a senior on the autistic spectrum Im done with people, got a dog, best decision ever 🐕
I still like people, but most of them need to be at least at arm's length. And they wear me out, so I don't want to be around them too much. But I have a cat, and he makes me laugh.
Same but got a cat, treating her like she’s my daughter
I love my single life with just a dog and a cat. I learned healthy boundaries and walk away if I see any signs of toxicity from friends. I don't feel lonely. After the last deep betrayal, I didn't feel lonely, I felt freedom.
I feel the same way. Partner is a little different as I feel it’s easy to get over and break up with them. Family (siblings in my case) is a little different as I kept going back and wanting to have a relationship with them but it’s good for a while and then the cycle repeats either they make me feel like an afterthought and won’t contact unless they want/need something. I go to roller coaster of depression about this and it is hard to cut contacts. I almost feel like I’m gaslighning my own self because I try to reason with myself and depend them. 😢
that dog won't advocate for you when you're older and sick
Having been betrayed by my family has been the worst thing that has happened in my life. It's been 12 years and my life has never been the same. If you can't trust your family then who can you trust? I'm definitely not the same person I was before the betrayal.
Same here and I survived many betrayals from couples and friendnemies.
It is brutal. And was done for sport. At least it helped open my eyes about how I choose/ have chosen people.
i'm so sorry, there is no greater pain or betrayal than to have ur family turn against u.
Same
I'm so sorry this happened to you and to everyone else it has happened to. It has happened to me as well, and while my life is not perfect I do trust God and because of Him, I have been able to have some good experiences with some relationships. God is always there even when it seems like He isn't. I really appreciate everything Tim is teaching us all here. It is very helpful and I have hope that one day I will be fully healed. I have hope that the same will be true for you and everyone else. God Bless.
Jeez, this is like a laundry list of struggles I've faced growing up. My heart goes out to everyone who has gone through this. You are not alone.
Far from it, even before going into action.
ACA/ACoA 12 step program has a simmilar laundry list. Worth looking at.
I refuse to be dictate by toxic humans, just move on with precautions and you will be o.k. Life is to short to be with naughty mind.
Jeez is short for Jesus. When I went to heaven the Holy Spirit yelled out over and over Jeez and the next thing I knew I was in heaven in front of him and he took a tumor from me.
Yes we are. He'll is other people and life is a waste of time.
No weapon formed against me shall prosper.....
Amen
Stupid
Factssssssss!!!!
I live alone and will from now on. I don't trust my ability to identify people who wish to destroy me. Relationships cause too much anxiety. If a man is not nice, I don't want to be around him. If a man is nice, I don't trust that he's sincere and not just setting me up. It causes too much anxiety. I don't expect anything from anyone. Yes, indeed, I lost my faith. I will never be the person I once was.
I am in the same situation. Figuring out ways make my present and future brighter.
I feel the same, I dont trust my choices
That’s so sad I felt that.
After being betrayed by countless partners & then my family.. for 4yrs everyday I studied narcissism, body language, behavioural analysis etc. (Just thru CZcams videos).
Now I see red flags in almost every person I meet & it scares me. I also can spot genuinity from a mile away, but I’m too broken for those people. ~They deserve so much better than me. So I too stay alone.💔
Thats such a scary feeling, ive been there, the fear of it happening again and the what ifs, u can research here to help u on ur way, and trust ur gut, if something feels off, theres a reason for it, dont dismiss it for excuses u can brew up. trust u, and learn how to spot these monsters, everything from behavior to words they use, lack of emotion- s/al intelligence is also a big one, learn to see through the facade. all of this, it gives u a whole other level of peace, u might see red flags in everyone after, i did, but we all have some red flags, it doesnt mean were monsters, were "just" human beings, flawed. But through this process, u learn to spot the serious dangers, then walk away from it before it ever really begins, trust urself in this, and dont give up, u dont deserve that. best of luck
If you stay objective, really, the disappointment factor is so pervasive, you can't even look at someone whose thrown you to the wolves, especially if it's been intentional or has surfaced as a pattern. Once you see that level of disingenuousness exposed, you cant bear to even look at them because you don't want to see the dark hole in thier soul they they initially hid. It's heart breaking to see the beautiful shell that fell away in hindsight, with every falsehood they spoke. But, they have to live with who they choose to be and thankfully you don't.
They do not give a shit about the destroy they are involve, no remorse even please with themself, it is all about control and to win no matter what. RUN FOR THE HILL ASAP when you see the red flag and they are always present.
So hauntingly beautiful what you wrote is. True
I wish my family could see their fault, but they don’t. ~or at least they pretend not to. They all stick together & twist everything around to make out it’s all me & I’m just crazy. Unfortunately I do live with who they are. Alcohol truly destroys families.
Well said.
If you never get over the betrayal and you let it change you permanently, they win! You are strong enough to not let that happen...
Yes, but if the betrayers were your parents (from your earliest moments on earth), your entire life is circumscribed. Therapy and prayer certainly help, but grief persists....deep grief.
@@cynthia7564 Hi Cynthia, why not get a really good physical checkup ...everyone deserves that...do what you need to do to be healthy...this will help you see things clearly and make good decisions...
@@cynthia7564 This I've been grieving for 40 years over these things. It's hard to get past not mattering that my safety as a child was an afterthought and mattered so little compared to certain people accepting her and manipulating her into wanting to allow her daughter to lack safety.
It doesnt matter.
People are free to choose loyalty or betrayal, good or bad, relationship or leaving at each step. Now I specify loyalty in my relationships and make it clear that's what I expect. I'm still trusting by nature, thank God!
Being betrayed by your children is different kind of misery
It is !
The most painful😢
I have the same exact problem. It’s so painful. It takes the air out of the room. I really believe I have heartbroken syndrome. It’s been about seven years now and it’s so painful. God bless you. I know exactly how you feel. All we can do is give it to God.
How did they betray you?
@@ricklubbers1526 too complicated to put in a comment to a stranger on CZcams. No offense. The disrespect is on many levels 💔
I think the aspect of hopelessness is often overlooked. This is one of the worst things that a person can experience. For many people, it is the overriding feeling that leaves them in a state of dysfunction after betrayal. Why? Because it makes you feel like you can not pick people who are genuine and trustworthy. It often makes you doubt yourself, and so many people withdraw within themselves.
I have experienced betrayal 4 times . .. I have become super resilient. No emotional ransom works on me. God is awesome 👌
Once you learn how he loves you.That's what love is you on that
Amen 🙏
Same.
That's great but don't lose empathy, compassion and patience for those who had maybe more, worse, more horrific such as being left home to die and betrayed by healthcare, and laypeople..... God is still awesome, even when I'm in a dark, bruised, very destroyed place. I'm SO thankful He takes me the longhand, painful way around so I can remain empathetic and sensitive to others, not spiritually gaslighting them or making them feel something is wrong with them if they believe in God but did have "emotional ransom." Trauma changes the brain and sometimes the nervous system has to be healed as well. When betrayal comes with physical abuse and domestic violence from home to the worlplace to the healthcare system? It adds up and it's over 44 for some of us. God is still awesome.
@@ginnymobley8246 ?
Buying unnecessary purchases may be a way to get access to things that will remain. The purchases may represent things you enjoy but also things that you hope to use when you regain your ability to be creative again. Those items are sitting there for the time when things get better even though they may never actually be used. They can represent a desire to feel again because they are connected to things that you remember being enjoyable.
Yes, I paid for some online workshops last fall, that I haven't even opened up yet. I wish I had the money back, because I sure could use it right now. I realized immediately that I had bought the workshops in a bid to give loving care to myself, because the person I loved was treating me like human garbage
Omgosh this explains why I buy things that give me a sense of future hope that I will get through the freeze state of betrayal trauma 😮thank you for sharing 😊I AM not alone❤
I don't think this works in my case. I bought mine so I could keep my dream job. Strange how that turned out.
This was me. I would purchase things with a future vision of when I could wear/use them. And they just sat there. I am glad I finally saw what it was. I really don't buy much other than gas and groceries. Sometimes a piece of clothing but rare anymore.❤
@@flash_flood_area This is not a good idea.
Those who betray are the one's with the problem, so don't take it personally, it's about them
Being betrayed teaches you how to spot a betrayer, so learn, be discerning, and only trust those who have shown you they're trustworthy
Actions speak louder than words
THIS!!! You nailed it perfectly!
Wonderful job!!! 👏👏👏
Very well articulated.
Yes but they lure you in with their actions .
Well said my friend ❤.
Love this!
It weakened my Immune System, My nervous system, gave ulcers. And all this in addition to most of the symptoms you mentioned. The autoimmune illness is the worst. It can't be healed.
Yes it can, the Lord is a Lord of restoration!
This is more than your partner, this can go back to being scapegoated by your family.
My mouth was hanging open that i could relate to all except the sexual abuse part. I deal with people if i have to, but i will choose animals over people any day.
Same
I've been cheated on and then left for another woman twice from my last 2 significant relationships. I recently realized it was an unnatural ending. I was left mourning the loss of both of these men but they never mourned the loss of me. It has hit me differently since then.
Hmm I guess that makes sense bc Iberia not mourned the loss of myself either! It was my last two relationships & the last one did everything deliberately for 1 bc they told me but conveniently don't recall telling me & 2 bc I confided in them about my past relationship bc I am in meds, have a psychiatrist but having a hard time finding a counselor who accepts Medicare & is taking be patients. I have what I believe are very severe mental & psychological issues that have taken a major effect on my life & we can't forget the financial hardship as well. I didn't depend on this person but we were supposed to move in together after I moved across the states for them which never happened. Only 2½ months after moving here (here is where I grew up so my family & kids are here but that's a whole other story) I was moving in with my eldest son but my partner & I do I thought so I guess I was the only one working on the relationship! I knew better but I wanted this so badly & I feel in love with them. We had been friends since middle school so many many years to about 1yr so I received a pic of them with someone else which the text said that their future was now beginning!! I lost it, but I never approached them in it bc I don't ever want to snap & I still haven't seen them. However, I still wanted to work on things through couples counseling but a month after the pic they completely left me! They left me alright, left me in a freakin wreck!! My heart was like confetti everywhere but not for a fun or exciting time! A freakin shattered, broken, destroyed piece of nothing left to die. No remorse, no empathy, no care what's so ever, like zero at all total void!! Everything on these lists yep even some of the sexual ones only bc now I just don't tryst anyone to be intimate with as & that means in the romantic type of intimacy realm either. Of course I've thought about me & how was I going to get through this but never did I look at it in the realm of mourning that person I was with both of my last 2 relationships! What I wanted was answers which I know that I'll never hear the truth truth but maybe bits & pieces that I could or together but I'm tired, I'm done, I'm exhausted & truthfully I need my Heavenly Father to be the footsteps in the sand bc I just can't do this at all anymore, I have zero left in me, no strength, it's way too much for me. I may think of mourning myself bc that sounds about right for me anyway. Please just keep me in y'all's prayers! TY 🙏💔😭
What made you think they never mourned your loss?
Sometimes people are just not meant to be in relationships❤ I’m definitely one of them.
@@Gotoworkkk but do you have to? because the cheaters should be the ones that aren't meant to be in a relationship imo...they will probably repeat their toxicity again and again
@@teutonic4270 absolutely not.
You could do whatever you’d like to do. Not everybody is a cheater. I, personally just don’t do well with relationships.
Betrayal also can become great relief. Cause your greatest fear happened, and so, at least for a while, you have nothing to fear anymore.
i know what you mean... sometimes it's even quite hilarious in a dark humor sort of way
Maybe not relief from the betrayal itself, but definitely the confirmation of betrayal … knowing you’re not paranoid, imagining things, etc
This in the context of a spouse cheating for example
Not in my case. Fear has become a major issue for me.
@@Lyrielonwind i used to get anxiety-attacks, out of nowhere. They appeared as if the world around me suddenly became 2 dimentional and mooved like waves or spinning. It is terrifying. One day I got another attack, while waiting for a bus. But instead of being terrorised by it, I got this thought from out of nowhere, "let's see how terrified I can be", and I really felt the terror so hard I could. This happened automatically, my body did it for me. And after 2 seconds in terrible terror, it stopped. I have never gotten these attacks again. Emotions cannot be intellectualized away by thinking correctly, they can only be felt away by enduring the feeling. I don't know why I tell you this. If you can use it, fine, if not, that is also fine. Your body can be very smart and helpful, sometimes. I salute you, fearfriend. The world can be a terrible place to be. I hope your fear will dissolve into a summers breeze. You're not alone.
@@ceciliebille8501what I'm feeling about triggers is that being a person who was abused as a kid _ that a person who is not very aware of their behavior ( an abuser) is triggering u into fear _anger or rage of being invalidated for being alive. I'm learning to understand that when I get triggered in a particular environment _ there's a wolf around _ better close the gate.
I know it has definitely changed me! I am slow to let people in my life and quick to cut them out! I have no family ties!
Good you can finally start being yourself
Same here.I am 84 and it has all been just to much.At this age there is no hope.I am content to just be alone.
@@MarthaBenefield There is hope at any age, just gotta know where to look, to find new friends/partners.
It’s been 18 months, and I don’t know if I’ll ever come to terms with what she’s done. My Confidence is in the gutter,I don’t socialize or even call my friends back. I stepped back from running my business, and nothing seems to excite me. The only thing keeping me going is working out in my basement gym *alone* so I can collect my thoughts. Things have gotten a little better since the initial shock, and I feel like I will eventually turn a corner thanks to my faith. 🙏🏼
Arm yourself with the skills and knowledge for quickly recognising the traits of a narcissist personality disorder (manipulative, exploitative, false ally / abuser). There are many videos and interviews on this topic (CZcams).
I am going through exactly the same right now and only things keeps me going is working out
It was about her. Not you. I hope you can get to the place where she has no further negative power over you. Maybe one day you can resume the friendships you have since rejected.
Surrender , have no expectations & get out of your own head. You are not the problem & this plan will bring you peace moving forward..
You are NOT the problem.
I have been betrayed by both parents, my son, customers I thought was friends... I just can't trust anyone... I experienced almost all of the symptoms displayed, it's crazy.. I stopped drinking that year and still sober 2 years and a half later and I am pretty proud of it. I cut ties with everyone one by one in the year that followed and find it really peaceful to be alone since. I found a good therapist who's really understanding and reassuring and it helped me so much. I went from doing nothing, not eating, not bathing, nothing for more than a year and a half (except when I had too) and now, I eat again, discovered sewing, painting on Skillshare and it saved my life. Really! I never thought I could come back from this darkness and I did but I won't be able to trust again. I know it in my soul.
Good job and congratulations on your sobriety and healing journey!
@@Lioness_of_Gaia thank you so much 🙏
Glad you healed. You are not alone.
I love this so well done to you I’m in recovery it’s like a new world you can’t put up with the things you once did. Good luck💓😊
@@galhits thank you!
Betrayal can cause an emotional PTSD, that takes as big a toll as physical trauma.
Absolutely. You are so right. I felt exactly like that. It took me years to get over it. But now I am good.
Best part is once you have been hurt like that, you never have to take anyone else seriously, ever again.
I have been betrayed by husband on numerous occasions unfortunately still with him despite all the hurt and betrayal I endured we just live as flat mates virtually seperated just living in the sane house due to kids:finance etc issues but Desperate to get out some how soon and not to have to constantly be facing my betrayer and be reminded of this negative stuff. It’s very humiliating and degrading in a way to know your living with some one who has caused so much trauma and pain in your life.😢
God I couldn't, your stronger than me, I would need to leave
They don't trust you either
It won’t get better 21 years just got worse nothing you do will ever be enough until you leave and even after then they want to see you gone permanently. That is the whole agenda these people are not human they are dealing with sonic entities. Please be safe!🙏🏽❤️
dominic
I’ve been through similar. I stayed for 5 years because of the kids.
Found out of a betrayal in 2015 and talked with her and forgave her within a month somehow. And then on October 12, 2019 things seemed off and I found out that she had never stopped cheating and it grew exponentially. Saw videos of her having sex with others on her phone. I tried staying because of the kids and spent over ten grand on counseling and medicine. And then in august of 2022 I realized that she will never change.
I wish I had left on day one in 2015. I would be in a much better place today.
It's happened so many times I just go straight to numb and that's where I stay
💔😢❤
Same.
Tough but true. I've just accepted that we live in a world of sinners and I've adjusted my expectations and boundaries accordingly.
Functional Freeze?
Having been estranged for 2 years from my son has put me in such pain that I started having health issues. I’m 67 and I don’t know many years I have left. I cry about not being able to see my little granddaughter. She won’t know me. I just lost my mom and I didn’t even hear from him. I am a shell of my former self. I ruminate about what I must have done. I didn’t drink or drug, I was very responsible. I had shown him love. I beat myself up about this daily. So yes, I do feel betrayed. I certainly have gone through many those stages. I am becoming a recluse. I don’t like being around people anymore. Somehow, I must be a bad person. I can’t seem to move forward. Blessings to everyone hurting from betrayal. 💔
God bless you. It must be horrible. He’ll return one day. Don’t stop trying to communicate. 🙏
Maybe you need to take a harder look at your own self.
Self reflect!
Read your message yourself. Maybe you have NPD of the vulnerable/covert type.
It is super hards for kids to get estranged from their parents too. But sometimes they have to do it for their own healing and sanity.
I think it’s reasonable to assume that most, if not all, people will experience some type of betrayal in their lifetime. God is the only One you can trust. Thank God he created animals (especially dogs) because they are the most loyal and loving creatures. I trust animals more than humans 🙏❤️🐶
My mother was a narcissist and my father was an alcoholic who abandoned me and my two brothers as children. I do not think betrayal trauma ever completely goes away.
I know someone with the same story (then she married an equally bad abuser). She now says, the only person who could help her is a hypnotherapist whose practice is called Spirit Release Therapy / Spirit Release And Psychotherapy.
The self hatred that comes from wondering how i could "let myself" fall for the betrayer (my ex husband cheated with my good friend) is debilitating. Its a pervasive belief now that all of my close relationships are sure to fail, and they'll surely hurt me. I don’t trust easily, and I'm cynical, jaded, depressed, and angry.
I am so sorry. My heart was destroyed by my ex husband and I have no idea how to trust another man again. So lonely, and he's already remarried 😢
@@Relaxingwithpigeons He's someone elses problem now. Like the song goes "The next you cheat it's not going to be on me."
Same here.
@@Relaxingwithpigeons I'd feel sorry for her...
The blame is not on you. It’s on them for being despicable. You’re a good heart. Give yourself Grace.
This describes Exactly what being married to a malignant narcissist caused .
He was not only abusive mentally and physically, but he also cheated and abandoned my 3 young children and I .
Immeasurable irreparable damage he caused including dismantling our family on his self serving destructive path as ironically he’s still the only one happily thriving in his carefree world.
This has been the deepest wound- betrayed my parents, especially mom and dad would back her no matter what.
It’s left my trust bucket empty.
Trust yourself ❤️🩹 you’ve got this!
Yep, I feel the same way as you
I have survived couple and friendship betrayal trauma but the last one I have come to realized, mother and siblings betrayal is the one that has sent me to a deep hole I don't know how to get out.
It's the ultimate betrayal 😢
Five years and counting
I don’t know about anyone else, but in I don’t want to have this. I’ve done Harbouring Hope with Affair Recovery and they cover things in a great way. But Jesus Christ as I’ve just said further up has been such a help. He takes the weight of expectation that I’m meant to have it. That doesn’t mean I give any responsibility that I need to take on myself but the stuff outside of that in betrayal can very often be too much. I do empathise, have gone through those very same feelings of feeling I’ve nothing left. Praying and sending you love ❤️🙏🏻
@@Lyrielonwindyou must be the scapegoat because same 😢
Was sexually abused by a man I knew, his wife found out and proceeded to cover up what he’d done - she had concrete proof AND he’d done it before! - and to help the cover up, she praised him as a great man publicly. So that those who didn’t know wouldn’t believe it. Her betrayal of a fellow woman was worse for me than being abused by her husband.
That 'wife' committed a crime. Report it.
That's exactly what happened to me in the UK. I begged the wife to help me but she ignored me with a cold face. I reported it, but 9 years later still trying to get justice. I will never give up.
I'm so sorry
Trump?
I've been betrayed 7 times by a close friend. I'm now more guarded and careful about how and who to curate in my social circle.
No, you've been betrayed 7 times by an enemy.
This is so good! My husband left after 24 years together without expressing why and without allowing any discussion. I found out later that there was someone else in the picture. To complicate matters, I have an autoimmune disease that has caused some disability so I felt betrayed on many levels.
I experienced most of the issues on those lists but didn’t know they were normal or common which added a layer of complexity in that I felt guilty for feeling what I was feeling. I got the sense that I should “get over it” or that I should be done grieving by now. I needed to talk about it but people would get so uncomfortable that I felt I couldn’t. So hard! Thank goodness I found an excellent therapist. It took me three years to heal enough to try relationship again. Five years post divorce I am remarried and doing well. It still hurts but less often and less intensely.
You could consult a Registered Homeopath about the auto-immune. Fairly affordable, absolutely safe, and simple drops.
I am so used to betrayal i am not surprised anymore, it is rather the general rule. I grief, and allow myself to do that, remind myself about the truth, and awaits for the body to regain its strength. Routine of betrayal helps me to remember that the terror in the body will pass.
Aproape orice relație e o iluzie , începând cu cea a părinților din care ne-am născut . Căsătoria e o mare farsă și oamenii tac pentru că nu-și pot asuma vieți personale în afara modelelor ăstora erodante . Ne ia aproape o viață să ieșim din tristețe și furie și-apoi ne vedem singuri pentru că nu ne lăsăm manipulați sau refuzam să manipulăm pentru a ne ușura zilele .
În familia mea avem de lucrat la suicid recurent ( Michael Newton , Viața dintre vieți ) și e nevoie ca măcar o persoană într-o generație să spună lucrurilor pe nume , cu prețul imens de-a rămâne în autenticitate .
Am 52 de ani și m-a marcat rolul de mamă , însă copiii au plecat pentru a-și putea trăi propriul adevăr
și eu mă caut ca niciodată ,
în mine , pentru că orice altceva în afara de natură și animale mă erodează .
Din când în când mai pot să mă uit la un om ca acesta .
Te salut .
@@RavenStealstheNight I know! Happiness is short-lived. Evolution has not been too generous with human beings. I guess our big brains got in the way.
@@RavenStealstheNight I would just assume someone asking me to "trust them."
Probably just trying to set me up somehow probably not real just trying to learn about me to destroy me.
Sadly it's probably true I do attract those kinda people like my whole life.
Damn, this describes my entire life experience. From toddlerhood on, sexual abuse, physical abuse, violence always present, repeated medical trauma from anaphylaxis, repeated joint dislocation (extremely painful), surgical infections, seizures and then brain surgery… all before I was 21. Got married to my high school sweetheart, who cheated with multiple women, including my sister and friends. My life has been a nightmare and a waste. I am tired and sick of trying. I don’t care anymore. I am done trying for everyone else’s comfort. I am doing only what I absolutely HAVE to. I paid off my home, quit driving due to seizures, and spent twenty years supporting my cheating husband. He can pay the bill until I die. Idgaf anymore.
Sarah, Im so sorry. What kind of people see this going on and don’t offer help? Many women are tricked back by forgetting/death. I pray some good people will come to you and that doesn’t happen. I do gaf about you. Sending love🙏💐
My heart is broken
Betrayal trauma happens also when you have a bad fall, you know you broke your spine ( compression fracture of L1), the pain takes your breath away, you beg him to drive you to the hospital ( only 2 miles), but he says: no! Than you ask him to call 911, “no!” Again. He is tired and is Christmas, he wants to go home now. You get scared of his lack of empathy and ask for hiking poles. He agrees. You crawl in great pain, home, to lay on the ice pack, to survive the night, to wait for Urgent Care to be reopen. He agrees to drive you there. The X-ray confirms your perception, but you cannot help but wonder… would the damage be lesser, if only he would dial 911, 32 hours earlier… and now you know you have no right ever to be in need of care. He is so careful for months not to stay home. He leaves home for hours at the time. You call friends, they bring food, soup and concern. You live on crumbs bc you want to live for children and grandchildren, but what about living for me? Thank you, Tim. God bless you for your heart and your wisdom as well, and for your generosity. ❤
I see you expressing this story as your story or your experience. I hope you get the care / love / respect that you deserve. Cheers All the best.
@@nickandrews2255 thank you. I see how many spelling errors I made ( will edit soon), so I couldn’t help myself, but let the pain to emerge, because I felt safe in this group. I felt I can be believed. He is known to be a nice guy, he married me so I would “take care” of him. If I am vulnerable, he may feel threatened by it and punishes me. I appreciate being heard in this forum. Not a native speaker of English, I dared to share. My trust is in Tim and people who follow him.
That would have been a very traumatic experience 😢 I'm so sorry you went through that. Can I ask why you couldn't call 911?
Ive had a very similar experience. I determined, after I divorced him, that he is a covert narcissist. Greatest move i made was just leaving him. Turns out he had a whole other life situation going on with someone else.
@@0208connie covert narcissist sounds accurate. So happy for you, you liberated yourself from this dangerous in the long run, situation.
Childhood trauma can inhibit emotional development making the "who do you trust" part of life very difficult. I was Groomed at 40 years old by a woman who was a professional Therapist (MSW) and a dyed in the wool Narcissist. I will never recover from the damage she inflicted.
Yes we can - Jesus will show u.
Me too I was and continue to be professionally groomed for performance and patents_ if your creative _ hide it. If your truly unique as God created u _
in this World _ HIDE your gifts from the Pigs.
It wants to clone u _ for it's dead baby army _ exploits you for anything _ as like as u full of fear and anger _ this 'Jing aThing' gets to live in the bacteria around you_waiting for it's ultimate take over of your behavior _ you'll live be in childhood abuse perceptions for the rest of your life_ staying triggered in betrayal_ Jesus is the way and life out of this snare
_ a good of book is the Bait of Satan.
Ouch! I am sorry this happened to you. Developing trust in setting boundaries by your own self ( what is acceptable to you and what is not), may help you feel safer. Don’t give up. Never ever blame yourself. The betrayal by the therapist is criminal, not just an unprofessional conduct. This kind of toxic behavior belongs to the abuser. Sorry to say, the predators are everywhere, even among those who suppose to heal us. Best wishes on your path to healing.
@@gorunsko31 Thanks very much for your thoughtful reply. I can't tell you how impactful your words are.
It could be worse, she could still be in your life.
@@Ricky-mouser Thanks Rocky. Very true and well said
After giving my kids everything I worked for and being there for every need, when I broke my ribs they just left me. I wasn't valuable anymore so they want nothing to do with me since I need some help. It's been awful. Worse than death.
It sucks to give ur family ur all just for it to be *crickets* once ur the one in need of help. It is like a death.💔
I just don’t want to live with my family anymore. They’re the reason that I’m this way. I know I can change. I know I can do this, but I just can’t be around my abusers no more. I don’t wanna look them in the face anymore. I don’t want to hear them
It's hard to heal in the same place we were hurt 😢
Work really hard to get away. I spent my days and evenings in my car for a bit, I'd spend most of my time out of the house except going home at night to sleep. I'd go to the library and apply for gigs and jobs etc. Being around them makes it very difficult to move on
Large parts of our lives get cut out after betrayal, like churchbor social groups, relations with relatives or co-workers, sometimes we have to leave our homes or even towns, and we have to re-evaluate how we make new relationships, and we don't trust ourselves in the future. Many of us end up disconnected to our families and friendlesd. A large part of our self-confidence is cut out from our souls. Betrayal probably damages us as much as a heart attack event. Becoming a cynical person is tge longterm effect, what a loss.
Thank You, Tim F., for your exceptionally developed skill at putting this type of information into easily learned tools. Your Life is making a profound and positive difference in so many lives, including mine and those whom I touch and Love. Keep growing and sharing. Eternally appreciated. 🙏🏽❤️🦋
I've struggled with all these things. I'm trying to find healing. I'm glad this guy dropped into my feed.
One of the best explainations of he effects, & symptoms of Betrayal Trauma I have ever heard...spot on!
In this instance, it serves me well to believe I was never loved much by anyone. This makes things easier, when you kind of expect this in life. My advice is to find little things you like. Focus on them and block out everyone else for the most part. Be self-sufficient. Nothing really matters anyway. Make the best of it while you're here
This list of betrayal trauma symptoms is what I am experiencing in divorce. Forget the five stages of grief - the betrayal trauma list is actually reflective of the realities I am experiencing.
I have suicidal ideation but then I remind myself I'm free. All those years, 25, of settling for a marriage that was awful in a quiet desperate way. He left me penniless. He left when I couldn't work and my savings was gone. But I'm free! I have most of these symptoms that were listed. I live for my pets. They need me. I struggle to feed them. My most helpful phrase I repeat...it is what it is, accept it. I'm older and don't have much hope in ever being happy or secure again. I find moments of joy with pets and nature. Life is hard. For everyone.
I am living for my animals too and my mother. So we have to keep going don't we. I lost my home too and do not have enough money to get my own home. So I have to live with my brother and his wife and my mom lives there too. I feel like an intruder. So sad most of the time. Even though I have therapy, on meds, have family emotional support. I still am so sad. I was with him for over 25 years.
Life is damn hard, yes. but giving up doesnt help u either, we define how we want our lives and then work towards reaching that goal, that will be damn hard too, but beats settling for hopelessness and contentment of current situation, yes?
The betrayal in my life brought me to the emotional pain to where I finally reached out for help. I finally realize that the betrayal was actually me. Not an easy thing to take in yet. I know that it wasn’t my fault. Re-Reparenting has helped me to learn that I don’t have to go through this again, not in the way that I was doing it. Listening to Tim has made me realize all the unsafe people that I have normalized and put in my life. I now know what is familiar and I now know the partners that I pick are unsafe.. I also now know that I can trust my intuition and I can trust myself and I can speak up for my emotions and feelings and set boundaries so I can keep myself safe. Discernment is key.
My life in a nutshell. All of it at different times. I have come a long way, but am nowhere near where I need to be. I get mad at myself with my actions. The disregulation is the worst for me.
Abandoned by my father, then cheated on for years by my husband who eventually left me after those stressful years, then emotional abuse from 2nd husband who had online affairs with multiple women and he eventually found one he married online after I left him. (Probably because I wanted to be first to control it) I have decided I'm best on my own. Casual friendships for companionship but nothing serious. I do not want to get hurt again. Plus, I know I'm a lot to handle.
But ur aware of urself, u say u disregulate, good! awareness is progress, now learn how to heal that part of u. and dont get mad at urself, we all fail, and thats okay too, none of us is 100% good at anything from the first try, its a learning curve, there will be a lota fail but also a lota wins, keep ur focus on the wins and learn from the fails. and know that theres always tomorrow and this isnt a race u need to win, take the time u need, to heal u, but dont neglect self love on the way, take the small wins and make them big, because, to u, they are big wins. and celebrate them. it will help u stay motivated too.
@@Xzerbit thank you.
I have been betrayed on so many levels. First I found out my husband is a covert narcissist. Hence my mental deterioration over the years and also physical. In the meantime after years of hostility from my family I decided to cut ties. There is only so muchyou can take and on top of that my husbands family turned their backs on me when I told to my ex to move out after years of abuse. I am alone, its a fact. Iam not imagining anything.
Same
now live the life you were supposed to! you are no longer trapped by them, so go out and have yourself a good time, travel and relax. they cant fuk you over anymore, whats not to like?
@@gkauto1959well the betrayal is real and I still have two children with him. We were together 20 years. I cant enjoy myself cause he is still around and I am building my life from scratch: no job, as was stay at home mom. Now kids are still small and I have no support system to take a full time job. Not to mention travelling.
Raising plants can be therapeutic. Feedback is slow, and forgiveness for mistakes can show quickly. The rewards can be a beautiful bloom, or a tasty food ingredient. It's nice to be outside too.
This is exactly me. I've been betrayed in romantic relationships before, but most recently have been betrayed at work. My hard work was discarded and I was stabbed in the back by an executive. I've had a hard time overcoming it. I am struggling to continue to work for this company that I feel doesn't value me or my work. What is the point now? What if the next project I work on just gets discarded without any consideration to me? I don't know if I can get past this and probably need to look for a new job. I don't like working for a company that betrays or stabs people in the back.
I'm sorry this happened to you
Same happened with me recently.
Put 3 years of hard work leading the game project only to get stabbed in a back (losing my leading position and all creative control) by new producer coming to project being close to public release.
I guess I'll keep working for a while to care about my people and to finish the project, but I feel very cruel about all this situation.
@@SingBluebird I know, been there done that, what a waste of time and energy and trust. It will happen again, but next time you are better prepared. Don't give up. You know your craft. You know what you can do.
This happened to my adult daughter. I am happy to share she found a new job, where she is appreciated. Believe in your skills and your worth. Looking for a new job will empower you. Even if you don’t get an offer, just getting job interview will help you to recognize your value. Best wishes. Save the loyalty for yourself not for the employer. You come first.
@@SingBluebird If they get away with it, or even are rewarded for the misdeeds, they will continue doing it. You know your worth, or else you would have made up all kinds of excuses for them. Don’t give up. Now you know better.
Every thought you’re saying out loud is true. I feel all of these all the time.
When you've worked through all the layers of emotions you end up in disappointment. I'm done getting disappointed so that kind of relationship is not for me. Life's simply too short.
The shame is often overbearing - feeling ugly, boring, uninteresting, etc. Then you withdraw into yourself and stay there.
Not just betrayal. Abuse, too.
All of the above. 😢
Thank you for this one. I didn't realize all of the ramifications, and how much I need to understand my own reactions better.
Thanks for the videos, Tim. You and your words are much appreciated.
That’s all described very well indeed. It’s been many years now, but I still suffer from most of these symptoms despite solid efforts to overcome it. Therapy, exercise, etc etc.
I wonder if it will ever go away or am I permanently warped? Time will tell.
from my experience, it will be up and down, lota downs, but even with diagnosed cptsd, i was told it was permanent, it isnt, for me so far, its one hell of a battle, but determination and willpower goes a long way. so far its been extremely lowered, the worst parts are gone, now whats left is the small fixes that needs healing, betrayal was a huge part of this. from my pov, nothing is ever permanent, in the psyche, if u decide u wont let it be so, and then work towards reaching that goal. but thats personal opinion. theres always hope.
@@Xzerbit Thank you, I really appreciate this comment
After my cousin threw knives at my feet when i was a kid i became atheist.
This video is helping me see what happened 40 years ago was more than just one event where i wasn't safe it was a betrayal trauma because my mom after that trumatic event said shed handle it, but i wasn't safe i was forced to pretend things where ok and she is the reason why im as broken as i am because she chose her sister out of her own fears and compromised my safety. The betrayal trauma is because my safety wasn't a priority. Thats incredibly heartbreaking
OK, that isn't good enough reason to go atheist.
This sounds like some of the same symptoms of grief of a loved one. I’ve recently been through both. I’m sorry if you feel this way also.
I've been betrayed by my brother who preferred to stay loyal to this crazy family, 40 years of lies and abuses, I've lost everything, spend all my money and energy... Fortunately I'm a fighter, I'll go on fighting all by myself, no more fear, just life and love, my way, my rules now.
It's not so much the betraying that's bothering me, it's the fact of it's being continuous for so many decades and that it's not just friends and family but Dr's and nurses and countless others to!
Thank you for this Tim.❤
My woman(27)of 11 years whom we share a wonderful 6 year old little boy cheated with and eventually moved in with my 48 year old brother. He was my best friend we spent almost every day together. Everything I told him in confidence over the year he used against me to fuel the infidelity. Having to pick my son up from my brother's house while my Ex stood on his porch smiling does something to a person It hit me like a ton of bricks, and I'm ashamed of how i let myself go. That was almost 2 years ago, and I'm better now, but I still think about that bastard daily.
That would definitely suck!! What a sh*t brother. I’m sorry they both did this to you! 🫶🏼
@@kr0wn.aSSaSSin thanks for the good vibe
I absolutely love the decor in your home and your wall is beautiful!
I'm so grateful you added the spiritual symptoms as well. As a believer, it can be hard to admit these true feelings.
Appreciate your understanding and empathy.
Wow, thank you. I'd never even thought of getting help for this. I've experienced massive amounts of betrayal in my life. That whole list explained what Ive experienced to a tea. Thank you for this informative presentation, it opened my eyes to seeing I need to face and resolve this.
💔 this list makes a lot of sense for me. Thank you!
Thanks I needed a summary ❤
Tim my brother, Thank You for these insights God Bless and much love to you
This is the most informative and most relatable video on here that I’ve found for what I’ve been through, what I’m feeling, what I’ve been doing for the past 1 1/2 years after being betrayed. Completely spot on. Therapy helps y’all. Just gotta stick with it.
Ten years and I still cant get over it. Ive been scammed before but when my brother betrayed me and now because I brought it up Im considered a jerk by my brothers family. It changes you . Now I dont care what anybody thinks, my brother and I know the truth.
I feel like it made me such an angry person that never trusted another soul again. I don't even care to sugar coat or lie to someone, even if it would help that person out because to me, lying is betrayal in itself. I can't tell you how many people I've pushed away because of how difficult i am and I hate that I hurt others. But i would much rather hurt you with the truth than to use, lie and mislead you.
Fab video thank you. Now I know why I've been feeling so many symptoms 😢
It’s always been 5 puzzles mixed with no lids for reference! This defines so many legitimate overwhelming truths that once noted, help me to understand the what and why of My feelings. Thank you for this 😊
Your videos are so incredibly informative. I do wish, after defining the problem, a little more time was spent on how specific tools of how to m age/deal with it
I hope more and more people hear you explain them you themselves. The real candian hero
Everything was spot on!! I can relate to almost everything!
6:37 check, check, check all. Repeated betrayal throughout my childhood makes this echo in my entire being. ❤ thank you! ❤ working in trust and esteem right now. ❤
amazing spot on symptoms went thru them your insight vry helpful
Thanks!
Thank you ... This just explained alot
This was meant for me! I struggle to trust, even when I'm an open book. I relate to just about every thing mentioned in your video.
This makes me feel less insane. Thanks
More physical symptoms can include hair loss and outbreaks of excema (which you may never have had before).
My list of the perpetrators total dissolution of my very soul !! I am dead inside !! Thank you for your super information ❤
Thank you so much I’ve been through this and you are spot on.
Great video. Thank you.
ThankU Tim. What a comprehensive description 💔 I did not appreciate it at the time, but the betrayal from my family of origin far exceeded anything that followed. I'm old, but when I was young I heard the term "tactile defensive" for that deep reflexive fear of touch. Yup got it. Outa the box sexually. I don't want to stop being trusting. So: I always have a backup plan in case trust is betrayed. I recommend the Arts. I became a dancer, a social art, where i could learn about interaction, that i couldn't learn in the family. I am generous with people, always give'em a break. To trust too much is unfair to them guffaw. I also found amazing friendship in 12 step program, the anti-cult. Oppositional defiance guffaw. Remember that great Groucho Marx song "Whatever it is, I'm against it"
Omg everything you have said is so true from the childhood abuse to relationship betrayal thankyou so much for the video.
I cried so much watching this you have no idea, i feel validated and seen. Please dont take this video down
Thank you! 😊
It helps me to remember that these symptoms are my brain's very normal response to an abnormal situation. That many/most brains that experience something like mine did, they would have these symptoms, too.
Oh the crying. 😩 Yeah. The first few months it was all the time. Lately the tears are still daily, but closer to 20 minute sessions.
How about when a spiritual leader betrays you and denies it, and then blames you for their dishonesty?
A serious trauma on top of the childhood trauma that brought you to seek help in the first place.
But God....
happened to me too. they are also a therapist. God will be the judge between he and me,
Look up DARVO and covert narcissist. That’s what you guys are dealing with.
@@BarbaraGrigg-mz1bksame. Just learning that my therapist has been a master manipulator the whole time and has a bunch of red flags not just for a therapist but a person. Absolute narcissist
This is spot on.
After those first responses is relief. Now you know who you are really dealing with.
How precisely this video has summarized all the facts which are true, is amazing
Thank you for this video. Very helpful and informative ❤
@TimFlettcher What do you mean? I hope you will continue to offer these discussions on u tube.