Which narcissist magnet are you? I PART 2

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  • čas přidán 4. 04. 2023
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Komentáře • 239

  • @elleneebarrett5683
    @elleneebarrett5683 Před rokem +30

    I am one of the folks that had no clue that manipulative people existed. It was never explained to me. Fell completely into the hands of a manipulative and controlling man and married him. It wasn't until after 13 years of marriage and separation that I discovered what I had been dealing with. Divorced over a year now. Your videos have been part of me taking my power back and ensuring that it doesn't happen again.

  • @travellpc191
    @travellpc191 Před rokem +40

    I’ve found that narcissists will tell obvious lies when you first meet them to gauge our reaction. If you’re too polite to call them out they know you’ll be too polite to decline all of the other demands that they have in store for you. It’s game on.

    • @taraarrington2285
      @taraarrington2285 Před rokem +8

      Do you ever look back in hindsight and realize all the red flags that you didn't see or maybe ignored?

    • @travellpc191
      @travellpc191 Před rokem +8

      @@taraarrington2285 Absolutely! A lot of times I realized it in the moment but was too agreeable to say anything. I still don’t trust myself to set boundaries but have mastered the art of going no contact with suspicious personalities . You?

    • @taraarrington2285
      @taraarrington2285 Před rokem +5

      @@travellpc191 this is why I'm not in a rush to start dating. I can see so many red flags in hindsight from several of my relationships I've had over the years. It's that old saying that people will tell you who they are when you listen to them I think sometimes in the beginning of a relationship when you really like that person and they say some things that seem off at the time you can kind of just gloss over them.

    • @travellpc191
      @travellpc191 Před rokem +7

      @@taraarrington2285 Yep. I am the same. We may have learned the hard way but hey, we have learned…and will be better off for it. 🙌

    • @cornwallismorgan874
      @cornwallismorgan874 Před rokem +2

      For me, I find that they tell me things I have no way of corroborating. What kinds of lies have you been told?

  • @ReverendGalileo
    @ReverendGalileo Před rokem +35

    Me. I am one of those rescuers. Now that I know better I can do better by myself. Thank you.

  • @misskathleen490
    @misskathleen490 Před rokem +20

    I have better radar now. If I feel something is off..im listening to my instincts from now on.

    • @edayavuz1667
      @edayavuz1667 Před 4 měsíci

      And also listen to the signs ur body gives u. When u literally get sick from a person maybe stay away from them

  • @runepoor4711
    @runepoor4711 Před rokem +26

    I don't know what people out there may need to hear this, but there are nontoxic people out there who will let you rescue them and also want to give back. They're rare but you don't have to settle for people who will hurt you.

  • @kristinemajchrzak5222
    @kristinemajchrzak5222 Před rokem +69

    Getting rid of narcissistic people is like cleaning the house getting rid of rats😊

  • @lynnebucher6537
    @lynnebucher6537 Před rokem +16

    I don't normally rush to rescue but realize I have been a target of takers due to my agreeable personality. When I refused to financially bail out my then husband yet one more time, he wasted no time in shopping for another woman to use.

  • @marieasp4196
    @marieasp4196 Před rokem +25

    I've always thougt I had a sticker on my forehead reading IDIOT MAGNET.
    This explains so much!
    Thank you ❤

    • @lgd4247
      @lgd4247 Před 8 měsíci +2

      Yes, I thought I had a beacon on my head that said "vacancy."

  • @sunnydaye5942
    @sunnydaye5942 Před rokem +79

    I quit rescuing people 3 years ago. The pandemic helped me stay away from most and self research showed me where I was going wrong. Thanks for videos by people like you Dr. Ramani.

  • @mestillme3026
    @mestillme3026 Před rokem +33

    Love that line in Bojack horseman, "Turns out when you see the world through rose colored glasses all the red flags just look like flags."

    • @jennw6809
      @jennw6809 Před rokem +2

      I haven't kept up with Bojack Horseman past the first season, but it sounds like it's churning out gold.

    • @d.froggiez369
      @d.froggiez369 Před rokem +2

      💯 spot on indeed!

    • @maevebutler4641
      @maevebutler4641 Před rokem +4

      @ Me Still Me
      All my red flags turned pretty pink, particularly one night when I was being love bombed
      I was taken out on a date on Valentines evening treated to a candle lit dinner in a castle
      Red roses left on each table. It really was magical for a little while until I noticed his facial expression had changed & he started to speak to me through gritted teeth
      I remember thinking how or what just happened
      This previously charming man had evolved yet again to same AH ...that he had always been
      Pure ignorance & naivety on my heat not understanding NPD malignant , grandiose , possibly psychopathic traits & I waa falling down the rabbit hole again like a child
      pathetically still wanting the fairy tale . To which I now refer to as
      "The reality tale"
      There ate no fairy tales

  • @thefamilyschannel7879
    @thefamilyschannel7879 Před rokem +53

    My ex is a true, diagnosable narcissist and I continue to suffer from PTSD. I’m an empath and I know I’m an easy target for these kinds of people. I’m just thankful now I know what signs to look for so I never experience anything like that ever again.

  • @delenafranckenberg9639
    @delenafranckenberg9639 Před rokem +10

    The ex narc bf always used to say: "if you could love as well as you take care of someone, it will be awesome. U have no idea of how to love." I explained til I was blue in the face that my taking care of eg. him after an operation, was one of the way I expressed my love. The 1 is part of the other. He never got it. Its not nice to be told that you don't know how to love - probably just plain old projection

  • @odettegreen1539
    @odettegreen1539 Před rokem +10

    Ever seen a rescuer pick up the tab and pay bills for a friend for months only to see the friend purchase a vehicle some time later? Yup. I've seen that and the anger the rescuer feels is made to seem like "bad mind" by the flying monkeys. Based on what you say, I am a rescuer. Now I see where the magnetism originates from. Thank you.

  • @RobinSpeer
    @RobinSpeer Před rokem +68

    I have been around toxic people since childhood and most were not narcists (just toxic); I struggle being around non-toxic people...but I'm working on it! These videos from Dr. Ramani and reading the comments have been an incredible help on my healing journey. Thank you All!

    • @yukio_saito
      @yukio_saito Před rokem +2

      Same here😊

    • @chloemorgan1385
      @chloemorgan1385 Před rokem +4

      100%, and I hope it's reassuring for you that, in my experience, it gets easier with time! It's hard to break when it became a pattern of survival in childhood, but it definitely can be changed, and when you change the pattern, you can have so much more bandwidth for yourself and healthy relationships. Am in the position where, for the first time in my life, I have healthy people around me in every sphere and no 'rescues' that are sapping my time and energy. Likewise, this channel has helped me to see and break my 'rescuer' pattern, which has allowed me to move past it and work on my physical and mental health for the first time in years. I hope you can get to this point too, sending much love and strength!

    • @bruce3585
      @bruce3585 Před rokem

      What a bunch of freaking cry babies. Nothing is my fault. It's all everybody elses fault. Grow up! This is the reason why this country is in such big trouble and so shity. People are taught they do not have to take responsibility for any of their own decisions or choices. That's not the way the real world works

    • @d.froggiez369
      @d.froggiez369 Před rokem +1

      ​@@chloemorgan1385 bless you for offering hope & strength to others 🙏🏼💚💕
      Sending lots of love & light your way 💚🕊️

  • @Rose-246
    @Rose-246 Před rokem +5

    Now that I understand these people can’t be rescued, I think it’s time to rescue myself.

  • @litaibarcena4041
    @litaibarcena4041 Před rokem +5

    Yes. I rescued my narcissistic, abusive partner. He took advantage from me all these years😢😢😢 I can' t get rid of him!

    • @edayavuz1667
      @edayavuz1667 Před 4 měsíci

      Then learn to live with him. As long as you're aware u can control the harm

  • @vacationeyes6430
    @vacationeyes6430 Před rokem +14

    Affinity groups and support groups are targets too. Narcissists often leverage these groups to their own advantage, as they know how to play the victim.

  • @patrickbinford590
    @patrickbinford590 Před rokem +16

    You. Are. Enough!!!!! ❤️ Believe it. Transform yourself. See it, through educational means, for example, like through what Dr Ramani is talking about here. ❤️ Take the deep dive. I think it's the only way.

  • @frankieperna1053
    @frankieperna1053 Před rokem +5

    Thank you Doctor Ramani. This eternal optimist, trauma bonded, narcissist attracting Jersey Girl stumbled upon you in a desperate attempt to once and for all call myself out on the habitual patterns of attracting toxic narcissists. In watching just 2 of your videos this morning I feel inspired and encouraged. I sure am grateful for you 🙏

  • @Laevan65
    @Laevan65 Před rokem +8

    I hate my family they have drained the life out of me I am all alone my children were my peace and they’re grown now. But I have turned into a villain and I am regretful for all the love I gave out. It is a struggle to give it to myself but your videos helps me to not give up on myself even when some days are hard.
    Thank you Dr. Ramani you are awesome ❤️

  • @LouisaWatt
    @LouisaWatt Před rokem +6

    I used to be an optimistic rescuer, but the narcissistic relationships I was surrounded by have left me wondering if I’m stupid for believing that I deserve better than the abuse that I’ve endured my whole life.

  • @beth8275
    @beth8275 Před rokem +25

    Oh man, this is me. The Rescuer. It took me years to truly see that I was being manipulated and used and that all of my efforts were being dumped into a black hole. I think the reason why I kept doing it is - 1) I just could not fathom that someone could be that unappreciative and such a user and 2) I felt like if I did stop then the N would leave me 😢. Eventually I got so angry and felt such contempt for the N and could no longer deny that I was in fact being used. When I did stop the rescuing and it turned into ignoring the N with all the woe is me stories, I was accused of being a cold heartless person. I spent years starting to believe I was and it was me who wasn’t being compassionate and understanding (I’m still struggling with this). I FINALLY, after a decade left the N and I’m now working on myself and focusing on my own patterns that got me into the situation. I’m channeling my giving to more healthy situations and people. For example, Hanging a squirrel feeder in my yard and focusing on supporting people who actually appreciate my cheerleading tendencies and put in the work to help themselves.

    • @Bob-zh6dw
      @Bob-zh6dw Před rokem +2

      Your comments are exactly what I realized after I ended a 10 yr relationship with a covert narcissist. I also discovered that this stemmed from my child hood trying to rescue my alcoholic and bipolar mother. We can learn from these trials and move forward to a more satisfying and happier life.😊

    • @sueramirez5906
      @sueramirez5906 Před 11 měsíci

      This is so similar to my experience with my ex.

  • @wendystardust01
    @wendystardust01 Před rokem +3

    I am a rescuer & the day I put in a boundary my covert husband of 20yrs left me. He left a note in the sock drawer for me & has not spoken to me since, totally cut me off

  • @IlluminatedWings
    @IlluminatedWings Před rokem +20

    Oh Dr. Ramani thank you! I’m an eternal optimist but I’ve learned the hard way to not only see the red flags but act on them, finally!✨ I almost lost my optimism totally due to years of narcissistic abuse but now have more balance.

  • @nortiz128
    @nortiz128 Před rokem +7

    Yeap that me. Unfortunately, that's why I am on the situation I am in.😢

  • @Monipenny1000
    @Monipenny1000 Před rokem +22

    Wow! This was me 100%. My family (dad and 2 siblings) are toxic narcissists. It took getting into counseling for me to discover my own trauma responses that caused me to be walked on by so many people in my life. I always want to believe in people that they have the ability to be and do better. I am done, and now paying attention to the red flags and listening to my gut.

  • @lovelyweather8794
    @lovelyweather8794 Před rokem +9

    Looks like I am a multi magnet. I have been blaming myself for it all and have been really confused and a bit depressed. Thank you Dr Ramani for all the clarity that your videos provide for people like me caught up in the fog and desperately trying to find myself and the way out .

    • @ca912
      @ca912 Před rokem

      Same here...

  • @NolaCaffey
    @NolaCaffey Před rokem +13

    Thanks, Mom! I feel safer and more whole. O, dear - my inner child has become a ventriloquist - with a keyboard! 😊

  • @JJ-mh4xd
    @JJ-mh4xd Před rokem +14

    Wow Dr Ramani you literally said what I experienced! My ex boyfriend would never say thank you!

  • @AlanChambers
    @AlanChambers Před rokem +3

    I was a rescuer several times. One time I met a guy online and he gave a sob story of not having a job and people were going to kick him out to the streets. I took him in and was driving around for him to look for jobs. He was just a couch surfer. It was around Thanksgiving time and I wanted to surprise him with a turkey dinner from the hospital. I went home on break and found my laptop open to a chat room. He was using my apartment to hook up with guys when I was gone. This time he was at the other person's place. I came home from work, packed him up and drove him to his home town in the middle of the night.

  • @bradmcewen
    @bradmcewen Před rokem +5

    The secret of awareness is a preemptive education. But it can't and won't come from those benefiting from the affects of covert subjugation especially when they migrate into positions of controlling others. Their mecca isn't given up lightly. A lifetime of habituality becomes a pathology. The secret of awareness is learning from those sharing experiences and those of ultimate qualifications as Dr. Ramini. Once the fog is cleared, your introspection a continuing education, it is a new day of gratitude free as never before.

  • @youngblood8540
    @youngblood8540 Před rokem +13

    Once you realized what your dealing with, it'll be too late. A narcissist doesn't believe they need saving, they believe you and everyone else is the problem. And in the end, you'll be the one needing rescuing from the NARCISSIST!

    • @bettyboothe2523
      @bettyboothe2523 Před rokem +3

      The affects of incest have molded me to have a high need for validation and acceptance. I'm a giver and I only have other's best interest at heart. But do I have ulterior motives. . . To feel like I've done something good, to feel like I've contributed and helped someone, to feel accepted.
      I'm still trying to get someone out of my heart after 5 months gone. I actually spoke to him today and hear the same nasty, negative remarks about things in his life. It (along with so many other things) was debilitating for me over the 3.5 years. Why do I still hold on to what "I thought" our life would be and the person he showed me in the first few months. I became someone I didn't recognize. I'm still trying to find my joy again. 😢. I hate it!!!!!!!!!!

    • @youngblood8540
      @youngblood8540 Před rokem +4

      ​@@bettyboothe2523 you're definitely not alone. Most people that were involved with narcissists end up feeling the same way.

    • @glad5324
      @glad5324 Před rokem +1

      ​@@bettyboothe2523 all we need is love, thatS why,, I want also my joy come in again

    • @bettyboothe2523
      @bettyboothe2523 Před rokem

      @@glad5324 it's more than love that's needed.

  • @nortiz128
    @nortiz128 Před rokem +7

    Dr. Ramani the comments help, but your videos are the real help that we need to try to move on. Thank you.

  • @SafiaGray
    @SafiaGray Před rokem +3

    My experience is that when you rescue another, they have all the power. Boundary-setting only leads to more knuckleheaded behavior on their part. I’m done with it.

  • @vickieevans9323
    @vickieevans9323 Před rokem +1

    Since watching Dr. Ramani from January 2023 to today April 2023, I have let go of every narc that had been in my life, family, friends- (males narcs love love love me, I was a magnet as large as the Sun!) think they want relationship with me -banished! and my generalized anxiety has almost completely vanished, the tension that I have held probably all my 62 years(scapegoat/recuer in family of origin) of life has diminished almost completely, my narc brain fog is all gone, the more I learn the more I refuse to be that magnet ANYMORE for anyone. Got a ways to go with forgiving my ignorance about narcissism, Knowledge is power and when used with discernment, becomes wisdom and wholly crap, that is liberating in ways I never imagined. Both me and my 34 year old daughter with Downs are super- dupper empathetic, I can even see now how the partners in my past have used her to to not only worm themselves into our lives, but weaponize "there love and devotion to her" as a tool in there belt.
    Some one give me "Bull***t" amen!

  • @LoveBeliefTruth
    @LoveBeliefTruth Před rokem +3

    I have mild dissociations and C-PTSD because of narcissistic abuse in childhood and adult, violence trauma... I have VERY intense bodily reactions when in or after situation where I sense something or someone is "OFF". During past 2-3 years I've had encounters with narcs and I react SEVERELLY just because my sensors tell me "watch out, that person has put themselves above everyone else" and so my internal narc alert goes on I get all these detrimental bodily reactions, like freezing, zoning out, paralyzing, getting numb, loosing words, intense fear... I can get into the freeze response so intensly I cannot get out of bed for days! Even writing emails is hard because my eyes are so heavy. And I have to shower A LOT to somehow feel I exist... I wish I could get to this point where I could just take a note that that there's a dangerous person - ok - and move on from that WITHOUT all these inhibiting mind-body reactions. I wish I could convince my subconscious self that narcs cannot get to me anymore, narcs cannot harm me any more; I have power over my own life now.

  • @jessicacranmer4436
    @jessicacranmer4436 Před rokem +5

    I want to take a minute and thank you for your videos and your information. I honestly can't even begin to explain how much you have helped me. Your videos have helped me get through my narcissistic relationship, but not only that, but it helped heal from growing up with a narcissistic mother. I will say your videos about BPD & NPD , how they attract each other. The way you explain it truly is a staple in my healing process. Thank you for not only this knowledge you gave me but also the validation that comes along in the healing process with BPD. It was the push I needed to know I should never doubt myself or what I feel.

  • @KoolT
    @KoolT Před rokem +7

    Morning DOC we love you. 💛

  • @denisedelgiudice3378
    @denisedelgiudice3378 Před rokem +1

    Actually, when they are aware of the harm, they blame the victim for "failing".

  • @ParadiseLoading
    @ParadiseLoading Před rokem +15

    I needed this, thank you thank you thank you! I finally got to the point of having to cease the connection and communication with a certain person. I was made to feel guilty for saying I was not comfortable with the constant requests for financial help. It was only after I got clear of the fog that I grasped an understanding of what the real situation was.

  • @izzylandyt
    @izzylandyt Před rokem +5

    What about dealing with narcissists in power (supervisor, doctor, police, etc.) while having no support system?

  • @novalynnleilashea
    @novalynnleilashea Před rokem +19

    Thank you for being so helpful to those who need it. I was there, and you helped me through it. Thank you Dr. Ramani.

  • @CastleBlue
    @CastleBlue Před rokem +4

    After 5 years I just got discarded from a guy who I thought was my soulmate but he was pretending to be bisexual and into to me meanwhile he was looking for my replacement entire the time while meanwhile bending my reality and mind he discarded me and then called me back only to say he needed a place to stay and I was his last option or he wouldn’t be calling me he also called me a demon and told me something wrong with me the neurological pain I’ve struggling with is awful…..I already had chronic depression but this was a hit to my soul

  • @AlanChambers
    @AlanChambers Před rokem +2

    04:59 "I've got a broken tooth and I don't have dental insurance." You get the drill.
    Funny play on words. Haha.

  • @nadineduncan7293
    @nadineduncan7293 Před rokem +2

    To me each type of rescuer seems like different stages of one... at least with myself anyways. I could not stop myself to the point of breaking myself in every way but my last nervous breakdown was my last straw, like I gave to a point to where I broke so badly that I thought to myself "I had Enough" but I actually meant it that time. I grew up with alcoholics and drug addicts and being the oldest I did feel it was my job to watch over everyone. Then I started drinking to keep my pain at bay so I could keep on my feet and keep going, then my mental state started failing me and my breakdowns made me feel guilty and kept me around. "Learning the hard way" I guess is what others called it. Now I can't stop seeing symptoms in people and seeing what they are actually like when Im around them. Im happier and healthier its been about 5 years sober and 6 celibate still can't stop helping family but Im picky as to which ones now.

  • @nastycrafter4640
    @nastycrafter4640 Před rokem

    I was totally blinded to this man's flaws because he was a good dad. Just because he's a parent doesn't mean he's not a lying, cheating, gaslighting user going through a sad midlife crisis.

  • @rileyhoffman6629
    @rileyhoffman6629 Před rokem

    Part of the manipulation is subliminally encouraging the victim to believe the narc can and will change. Thanks for your wisdom.

  • @mac-ju5ot
    @mac-ju5ot Před rokem +2

    Rescuing others.Its a huge lesson once they turn on u for setting proper boundiaries. Trauma ..yes I still have it just want to be left alone....they just zom in on us. They seem to think our kindness is a huge weakness

  • @josemonge4604
    @josemonge4604 Před rokem +4

    I'm trying to change this rescuer pattern, to a more symbiotic and mutualistic relationship. Not gonna lie, it's kind of hard to figure out, who won't abuse or take advantage, but I guess it's about inspecting and paying attention to detail when selecting friends and colaborators.

  • @LeahHoppes
    @LeahHoppes Před rokem +1

    This is 100% me😬 my entire life comes into focus with a single video

  • @akazinsomniac3007
    @akazinsomniac3007 Před rokem +5

    I'm pretty sure you can't avoid them completely when their family,. I was in a black hole with three kinds just last week.

  • @AljabbarWestJava
    @AljabbarWestJava Před rokem +3

    "The most beautiful word on the lips of mankind is the word “Mother,” and the most beautiful call is the call of “My mother.” It is a word full of hope and love, a sweet and kind word coming from the depths of the heart. The mother is everything - she is our consolation in sorrow, our hope in misery, and our strength in weakness. She is the source of love, mercy, sympathy, and forgiveness".
    *-Gibran Khalil Gibran* †

  • @ritatharp5238
    @ritatharp5238 Před rokem +4

    YES, we know who we are!

  • @Jules-zg1ip
    @Jules-zg1ip Před rokem +8

    This is so me. 🎯 I just had to cut off a friend of 30 years...I just could no longer withstand her chronic neediness and manipulation. I tried so hard to be a good friend but wound up emotionally drained. I can not tell her why I did this....she can quickly back me into a corner verbally. I am not good at defending myself. Even so, I feel horrible for cutting her off. This did not come easily for me.

    • @ParadiseLoading
      @ParadiseLoading Před rokem +3

      I completely understand your viewpoint. It's not easy to stop yourself from helping people, even when they're being manipulative

    • @KBArchery
      @KBArchery Před rokem +3

      Proud of you

  • @sophiachampsi8953
    @sophiachampsi8953 Před rokem +3

    Yeap!! That's me!! 100% rescuer and a magnet! A fixer and to boot, empathic!

  • @nortiz128
    @nortiz128 Před rokem +6

    Thanks You. Please continue to help.

    • @DoctorRamani
      @DoctorRamani  Před rokem +2

      Thank YOU so much for your generous support!!

    • @lindsaywilliams1554
      @lindsaywilliams1554 Před rokem

      You have to change and apply the advice in your life and change to avoid been narcissistic or victim of narcissistic

  • @LakeyLuvlok
    @LakeyLuvlok Před rokem

    I started asking people for help when I need it instead of just helping others exclusively. I found out how few people would return the favor.

  • @momomasters
    @momomasters Před rokem +6

    Five years in a friendship with a person who introduced himself as a person who hates empathy and was born without it. Has never once said the words "sorry, love, thanks, please" and I'm in the middle of an ending that is not going to break my bones. thx for being here.

  • @Just_Hearts_NYC
    @Just_Hearts_NYC Před rokem +7

    Thank you Dr. Ramani it’s so true thank you for all your help over the years♥️😘 Yep years and years of getting sucked dry of every penny I ever made by my parents and my siblings all under the name of trying to help them no appreciation (I’m the oldest and scapegoat of the family) (raised being told I was responsible for my siblings welfare & finances) and no thank you and thrown away when I was in trouble myself because of them after helping them for years definitely the narcissistic family dynamic I had to go no contact and as hard as it was (10 years now) I’m still glad I did it because being part of it was harder too much lying stealing & betrayal and heart breaking I still love them but from a far far distance 😢💔

  • @JamesBlue28
    @JamesBlue28 Před rokem +3

    Rescuer here. If her back story is like my mother's? Here I come to save the day. I've learned my lesson.
    Edit: 10mins in and sheesh. It's like Dr. Ramani based her description on my experience.

  • @duanemcclure8324
    @duanemcclure8324 Před rokem +1

    Wow, Doc.."a narcissist in optimist clothing", huh? How are you today, Doc? 🌹 That's a pretty heavy and truthful way to put it. I've lied about a lot of things in life and to deny that would further that fact. But..there are some things in life that you can only "bury your head in the sand" over for so long before you're forced to acknowledge them. This is one of them. As they say: "when life comes down to a few moments, this is one of them"..as well. - 🦂

  • @leebogaardt7974
    @leebogaardt7974 Před rokem +4

    waiting for part 2 was like waiting for a series cliff hanger 🤣 again... Doc sending you huge love and light and so much gratitude!!!!!

  • @JJ-mh4xd
    @JJ-mh4xd Před rokem +4

    There is a special place in hell for people like that!

  • @drarpitashahvakil2514
    @drarpitashahvakil2514 Před rokem +2

    This video is so relieving to know that it's not us who are at fault and we shd not be ashamed of our good traits which they always Target

  • @MsLisa551
    @MsLisa551 Před 2 měsíci

    Dr Ramani..thank you for helping me understand myself better. I do beat myself up a lot. I wish I knew more about codependency and narcissistic traits in my past. I have been in therapy since age 20... I'm 57 now and ended a 23 year marriage of codependency and narcissistic traits. I do have empathy for my ex husband and he is my childhood friend. He shared a lot of the same childhood trauma as I. But he also stuck it in a box and spent his years trying to fix me, as I felt pretty good, strong, independent entering the relationship. However,, 9 years in.. it was killing me. I stayed until our daughter was 18. But it has been the worst experience leaving but the best for myself. I feel new, free and more like me. I do have sadness, my ex husband , and daughter were my longest stable life. We are all only children so our family dynamic was very close and unique. He did set the stage for years ,, planting seeds and knowing someday I would leave and feared it. My daughter has been the pawn and its been very painful to watch. I failed her by staying too long. That is my biggest regret.

  • @user-db6fr8kg6d
    @user-db6fr8kg6d Před rokem +2

    I am 7 out of those ,and now I'm a hermit bcs I'm tired of being taken advantage of, so now i rescue cats and dogs,im autistic too and i have hyper empathy and feel ppls pain,and i have a lot of compassion i was rescuing kittens since i was a little kid,but rescuing,forgiving and all the rest with humans takes it's toll in the soul.

    • @d.froggiez369
      @d.froggiez369 Před rokem

      I've become a hermit too 💔
      But at least you're still helping beautiful souls, even if they may not be human. It's still a wonderful thing you're doing.I truly believe we're all connected, & connected to our Earth & all that it encompasses...
      Keep being the gorgeous soul you are!! 💚 Again, sending my love! 🙏🏼💕

  • @RaggedyA
    @RaggedyA Před rokem

    Viktor E. Frankl says that staying in unnecessary suffering is masochism. I was taught to hate myself, but that chapter is over. I can see from the past how the two narcs danced a masochism waltz between themselves and then exercised their self hatred on the innocent. I will NEVER go back to empathy for them. I have been going through poly vagal theory treatment for cptsd, and following the path of self love to my own healing. That is how I found you Dr. Ramani, on the path of self love. 🙂

  • @AljabbarWestJava
    @AljabbarWestJava Před rokem +3

    Oh my beautiful Doctor 😅
    Exclusive | New the best 👍🏻
    Thank you for contribution!
    Thank you very much, for everything!
    Thank you! And love you!
    😅

  • @JCS357
    @JCS357 Před rokem +8

    😭 I come out of a good family. Finding out about narsasism through my daughter's nightmare fiance and his family, opened my eyes that I am in a narsasistic marriage too. I knew there was something wrong, but I did not know it had a name. Narsasism. It shuttered my trust in all people and I could not cope with this new reality. I feel I am loosing it.

    • @brigitte9999
      @brigitte9999 Před rokem

      This didn’t happen in a vacuum. Your refusal to not see it until it happened to your daughter was really unfair to her.

    • @JCS357
      @JCS357 Před rokem

      @@brigitte9999 He was not physically abusive like her fiance (who whe finally got out of her life), but he mentally abbused me (not the children) for years. I thought it was just his obsession with his family business and his family (siblings and parents) and thad I was never good enough for them. I did not even know about narsasism and what narsasist do till my daughter was in this malignant relationship. I fought like a lioness for her and did a lot of internet recearch. That is where I discovered more than the truth. Thanks to people like dr. Rumani who explained everything in such detail that I discovered with a shock that my husband was not just obsessed. He had most of the traits of a Covert Narsasist. And he was excellent in lovebombing. So I did not ignore it. I just did not have the right information till a few months back.

    • @KBArchery
      @KBArchery Před rokem +2

      @@brigitte9999 don’t be so harsh on her. This mom was probably raised by a narcissistic parent and danced around her like she danced around her husband. She thought that was normal. It doesn’t mean the narc abused the daughter. I am happy for this mom that she sees it now and has tools.

  • @Find_Amelia_Island
    @Find_Amelia_Island Před rokem +2

    This is an absolute masterclass of info.

  • @majatomic4786
    @majatomic4786 Před 11 měsíci

    I found out that my definition of love was wrong. The whole time I was telling myself: "One day he'll realize how much I love him." while enduring all kinds of hurtful words and behaviors. I never stopped to think: "Does he love me?" So now I know why people say: "You can't love someone else before you love yourself first."

  • @treeze_it7800
    @treeze_it7800 Před rokem +5

    Awesome!!!! So thorough!! Needed this reminder and reinforcement. ❤

  • @suzesinger6762
    @suzesinger6762 Před rokem +2

    What works for me is ...to be -
    .ALERT
    .ADULT
    .ASSERTIVE
    .AUTHORITATIVE
    Juuuust...staaart sloooowlyyyy......

  • @ettietti8533
    @ettietti8533 Před rokem +1

    please note Dr. Ramani took me 24 years get out from the most abusive narcissistic, husband and his family as I called evil narcissistic, that cost me dearly with 33 years of court litigation, my 3 children took their father to court and divorce him legally , the children see 33 years ago who is their father. my support system were friends, my lawyer , and even the court system and most of all G-D , but as you say is never end with those people. 🙏

  • @michelecraig9658
    @michelecraig9658 Před rokem +2

    Sounds like the dynamics of romance scams.

  • @OriolesPhillies
    @OriolesPhillies Před 5 měsíci

    Yup, the discard after everything - with one attempt to set boundaries... I believed if I kept trying to be more patient, more compassionate, more forgiving, more supportive, etc. after so many lies and cheating that he would understand that he would need to work on himself. After so many chances given, I believed that he would someday understand that he would have to change. Nope. Once I spoke up for myself, he was out cheating on me again.

  • @angelawade1445
    @angelawade1445 Před rokem +1

    I love your voice and advice. You always make me feel forgiven whether I need it or not.

  • @mrelixirgalactic
    @mrelixirgalactic Před rokem +3

    Thank you for yet another enlightening video🙏🏽 Ive been in my healing process for 5 years now. So much pain. Tho i believe pain is weakness leaving our bodies. I am gaining so much strength mentally, spiritually and physically to stay clear of toxic, narcissistic, and downright evil people.

  • @wendyclark387
    @wendyclark387 Před rokem +3

    Spot on!! Always, so spot on... Thank you so much for this clarity!!

  • @oliviawells3764
    @oliviawells3764 Před rokem

    Her studio set changed!! It looks so professional! I remeber the kitty and chair 😁😁

  • @saturdayschild8535
    @saturdayschild8535 Před rokem +2

    Dang it, Dr. Ramani! The only one that I haven’t had at any point was the healthy, happy family. I thought it was except for constantly telling the social worker mom that she was emotionally abusing me. I remember noticing was a rescuer in grade school, so I made a point to stop that when I felt it peeking out. I still can fall into that trap but I catch it really early now. My optimism sometimes bordered on delusion, so I tempered it with hyper vigilance. Then, I married a truly immature narcissist. I divorced him but still see the FOO issues to address.
    Luckily (optimism), I’m built for this. I may not have had the love I wanted fro family or in my marriage, but I’ve raised amazing kids and have lots of talents to grow further.
    I mean, I turned a frog into a Prince that’s galavanting about like God’s gift. I’m sure I can love and heal myself and become someone less likely to keep repeating these patterns.
    Thanks for this resource. It helps a lot!

  • @fr8545
    @fr8545 Před rokem +2

    Thank you for the timely reminder.

  • @kemaralynn
    @kemaralynn Před rokem

    Incredible information so helpful!

  • @edayavuz1667
    @edayavuz1667 Před 4 měsíci

    I don't think this is abt being a rescuer but rather abt doing what needs to be done. Who do u call when u see someone in danger? Someone who is in a narcissistic relationship for example? It's the feeling that u shouldn't have to ignore this problem

  • @erikawithee
    @erikawithee Před rokem

    Thank you for all you do Dr Ramani

  • @rossferguson5786
    @rossferguson5786 Před rokem +2

    Thank you, Dr. Ramani ! You have helped me so much !!! Much love to you !

  • @samgarner4643
    @samgarner4643 Před měsícem

    When Dr. Ramani talks about people from happy families being magnets I think I'm more realistic term would be sheltered people. Oftentimes people from overly happy peaceful families do not have real life Street experience if you will... Because of that you can call them sheltered and not having that awareness of the bad people in the world is what leaves them vulnerable to narcissists

  • @ClusterB-Magnet
    @ClusterB-Magnet Před 9 měsíci

    Thank you so much Dr. Romani. Your work means so much to me. You've really opened my eyes as to why I keep falling for Cluster B's. I have every single one of those traits from part 1&2 of your magnet series. You've probably saved me years of therapy and definitely years of going round and round. I am extremely grateful to all the hard work and sharing of knowledge you have done. Honestly, I probably was at the point of trying to change myself into a more pessimistic toxic person out of some sort of "What's the point of being nice if no one else is" at age 45. I'm currently in a 5 month old relationship with a narcissist (most likely malignant) and have recognized the red flags since date #1. Why am I still here? Most likely feeling bad for this person and giving a second chance (I must be on chance #6 to be honest). Now I have the hard dilemma of find the humane and kind way of withdrawing... (again of course being the sucker for hoovering that I am). I sincerely wish there was a way for me to show my gratitude for you and your saintly work that you have done for humanity. ❤ You

  • @_dadas
    @_dadas Před rokem +1

    thank you doctor ramani. a dose of sanity

  • @larasudomlak7128
    @larasudomlak7128 Před 9 měsíci

    You are so helpful Dr Ramani and once again a Lighthouse through all the nonsense. 💯🙏

  • @ewab1213
    @ewab1213 Před rokem

    Thank you for all your movies.
    You are a Ray of sunshine on a cloudy day

  • @andressaleite1642
    @andressaleite1642 Před rokem +1

    I attract narcissists because I like to go out looking good…perfect hair, makeup, clothes, shoes…. I just love beautiful things and fashion…but I notice a lot of narcissistic women wanna be my friend. They either think I’m rich or superficial just like them. And the narcissistic guys I’ve dated I probably felt attracted to them due to the grandiosity which is something I enjoy lol …they are horrible people but I can’t deny that they are fun…I also enjoy expensive stuff, not to show off or brag…but to have a decent and happy life. My style is a fancy style and that matches with a lot of narcs unfortunately.

  • @queenratv115
    @queenratv115 Před rokem

    Thank you so much for this Dr

  • @user-db6fr8kg6d
    @user-db6fr8kg6d Před rokem +2

    Haha i just commented in another of your videos that this should be teached in middle school and you just said it too ❤

    • @d.froggiez369
      @d.froggiez369 Před rokem

      I've been trying to get her or her teams attention to see if she'd be willing to create a curriculum for educating our youth, right along with s3x Ed & their social emotional lessons when in elementary school. Education is absolutely the key to slowing (if not stopping) the spread of this abuse that's growing like wildfire, IMHO.
      Sending my love your way 💚🕊️

  • @snrnsjd
    @snrnsjd Před rokem

    Oh boy I can relate to this on all levels . Im really grateful for these videos. Don't remember how i ended up watching Dr. Ramani, but only after that I began to understand what's happening.
    I tried to rescue my siblings , and took care for them almost a year in other country ( even if one person told me not to, cause our both parents are alive). After learning about this personality style many things came to make sense.
    I also reescued narcs woth money when I myself was in bad shape with money. I'm not doing these mistakes anymore. I'm not that naive as i was a little time ago. Amazing what problems you can avoid having knowledge.

  • @dianecfranich
    @dianecfranich Před 11 měsíci

    Very helpful, thank you ❤

  • @trishy0619
    @trishy0619 Před rokem +1

    Thank you for this ❤

  • @Shereen_Thor
    @Shereen_Thor Před rokem +3

    Wow! This video on the different types of narcissist magnets is both eye-opening and informative. As a life coach, I often work with clients who have been in relationships with narcissists and struggle to understand why they keep attracting these types of people. It's essential to recognize that these patterns can be changed through self-awareness and personal growth.
    As a life coach, I work with clients to develop a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationship patterns and to break free from toxic relationships. It's also important to recognize that healing from a relationship with a narcissist can be a complex process that requires support and guidance.
    *I'm really happy to see that someone have same passion like me because I'm also making this type of videos to make your life productive and meaningful*

    • @doctork1708
      @doctork1708 Před rokem

      Sounds like you’re practicing as a therapist without training AND a license. How typical.

  • @bjrnnorman8916
    @bjrnnorman8916 Před rokem

    Love your channel!

  • @ldumay5541
    @ldumay5541 Před 10 měsíci

    Okay you have my attention!! You are so right!