Chris Bumstead Asks Jordan Peterson for Parenting Advice
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- čas přidán 4. 03. 2024
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Ep. 423
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I just became a Dad a few days ago and want to become a good father and a good husband...I was single and miserable but in 2018 when I watched Dr. Jordan Peterson I found meaning in my life May God bless you man.
Congratulation! God bless you and your new family.
I first watched JP in 2017. My daughter is now 6 months old and my life has improved substantially over time
Congratulations. Having and raising children can be the most profound and meaningful thing you can ever do.
Just remember they don’t belong to you. You only get their childhood. They belong to the world. Your responsibility is to prepare them so that they can thrive when they enter it.
Congrats 🎉
It is one hard ass time for men in general, and especially for new dads. ( unless you are one of those Fortunate Silver spoon- sons ) it’s a cruel, volatile, corrupted world to be bringing life into. Speaking from experience, may I say my biggest regret so far- has been arguing with the wife, knowing front of the kids. In the heat of the moment, we lose our inhibitions and let shit fly- but IT is SO very BAD for kids to be around. WHEN there is an argument- pause it until you can both be somewhere private.
I wish I could go back and correct my fatherly mistakes, but I can only try and be good TODAY and tommorow.
Congrats on your new child, stranger. May your family do well in the coming trials of life
Would love a full JP book and/or lecture series on parenting
12 rules for life goes over a lot of good parenting tactics!
100%
I have always said this. Next book JP!
That book could go right in the trash
After watching this, I’ve never felt more seen and understood as a mother and wife
Absolutely!!! Perfect comment.
Cool beans 👏
Same!!!every husband needs to watch this
I think that’s the best advice I have EVER heard about Father/Mother/Child relationship. Brilliant!!
As somebody who is hoping to be in this position soon this was very interesting as a man. I learned something here
As a father of two sons, 3 and 4 years old my greatest tip is to handle things naturally. Close skin to skin contact, let them feel you, let them feel your strength. They recognize your smell, your body and they need that to know who you are. They loved sleeping on my chest as infants. As soon as my kids could talk they called mommy 'soft' and Daddy 'hard and warm'. Now a couple of years in, they still have the greatest joy in engaging physical play with me. It's so much love. And they have grown to an incredible clever amount of empathy, knowing themselves, sensing moods and communicate better than some adults. Also push ups and planks with that little 20-30 lbs climbing extra weight are a delight for both sides haha.
All the best to you :)
Comment sections in JP videos is strangers explaining their struggles and other strangers feeling these unknown brothers. This man started something the male community was missing hard. Thank you Dr Peterson!
Yes! I am a woman and I love to see it.
As a bodybuilder, I’m amped to see these two in a room.
X 2. What an amazing meeting. One of the greatest psychologists and one of the greatest bodybuilders ever together. It is surreal!
As a lobster, me too.
As someone who wakes up every single day. Me to
As an apache helicopter, me too.
JP has wheels but his front lat spread really lets him down. With these two in a room, my money is on Chris every single time.
This is exactly how we have raised our child. After hearing all sorts of horror stories about how difficult it's going to be with lack of sleep and how your 'life as you know it is over' etc etc, I have to say it has been nothing like that. It has been challenging of course but predominately it's been the most positive experience we have ever had. Acceptance is key. Without any resistance, if you accept the demands of the enterprise and as JP says go whole heartedly into it then it will be an incredible fulfilling, joyful and meaningful experience.
I firmly believe that half the reason so many people lament about how awful, isolating and self sacrificing it is, is because they live in individualistic, atomised and materialistic societies.
Having close friends and relatives within a 5 minute drive is crucial - and we’ve lost that. New parents, both mothers and fathers, have lost their support networks. They’ve lost the wisdom, encouragement, and sets of extra hands of siblings, parents, aunts/uncles and in-laws - and it’s brutal on them. It’s particularly brutal for the new mother who finds herself at home alone with infant and toddlers all day. But it’s still very tough on dads too.
I feel so blessed to have great relationships with my parents, and my in laws, as well as all 3 of my siblings, and their partners, who are around every other day for help, companionship, and to share meals with. I’m on the phone to my mum or MIL weekly for advice on kids illnesses, discipline tips, to boast about how amazing they are, and also just to vent about how annoying my kids can be at times 😂 We also have plenty of friends with kids, who are exceptionally supportive. Our kids all mostly play well together - and we get to have our adult time, while the kids play in the backyard.
I wish every parent had this. It’s hard work maintaining adult relationships sometimes while your kids are little. And in-laws and parental relations can be frought with tension at times too. But if you can manage it, the dividends pay off exponentially as the years go by.
@@meghan8020 I agree Meghan. Our families are spread out around the world but we are lucky that those distant family members can and do travel regularly and we do have some family close too. The old saying ‘it takes a village…’ is so deeply true. More so than ever. The connection to our collective child rearing days has been dismantled to suit whatever it is we are all part of now. I for one don’t accept it and fully embrace the tradition family and village model.
@@picturemaker yes! Absolutely.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of the ‘advice’ on mums forums (thinking ‘what to expect’, ‘baby centre’ etc.) are giving new mothers incredibly corrosive advice that encourages them to completely dismiss or be suspicious of any wisdom or advice passed down by older matriarchal figures (mothers, I laws, grandmothers etc.).
There is some good reason for this. The commercialisation of motherhood in the 20th century spread some blasted lies about the efficacy of formula vs. breastfeeding for example. Some of the ‘sleep training’ tactics can also be incredibly harmful to mother and infant. And don’t even start me on the practice of putting women in stirrups, episiotomies without medical indication, or putting them in ‘twighlight’ to give birth. So some advice does need to be filtered.
However, and it’s a big however, there is no need to be contemptuous, defensive and suspicious of the women who have come before us, and are doing their darned best to be helpful, encouraging and supportive.
‘Whatever we’re now apart of’ has largely been achieved by fracturing relations between the generations, teaching the old to despise the young, and the young to be contemptuous of the old, and replacing these familial resources of wisdom, comfort, discipleship and teaching, with whatever the latest ‘expert protocol’ is. Which is convenient for the state, who can change it all on a whim, make bank on it, and strip people of individual agency and community.
Anyway, that’s enough ranting from me. Haha
All that to say….. there are some people with genuinely abusive, parasitical and ‘toxic’ family. For the most part though, we should hold tight to family ideals, and not be making room for the state to swoop in and replace wisdom with ‘the experts say’, or family help, with state funding, or close relations with subsidised virtual/online therapy.
This coming from someone studying psychology.
@@meghan8020 I agree to the needing some of those unconditional love & support systems back into the world. Relationships should help the growth of one another through out life yet some parents don't even feel the need to give hugs and even say 'I love you' these days, let alone correct their actions when making those commitments to bringing a whole other life into the world.
I am 51 and will be a father for the first time and I have to thank God, my wife and you Dr Peterson thank you for your teachings. God bless you sir.
Great 👍.
Awesome! Congratulations. I was a dad at 21 for the first time and now 28 with 3. I assume we have many different experiences to draw from in raising a child. But I tend to think that because my wife and I had absolutely nothing when we had our first one, but love and attention, it resulted in us being emotionally available and flexible in our understanding as parents. My son is doing great at 7, always getting praises for being a good, polite kid, excelling in math and reading, and very interested in physics/science. I attribute a lot to him being a brilliant boy, but also to not trying to make something work for what you want it to be in raising a child. A lot of older parents make that mistake, because they have the resources and stability to provide things like tutors, extracurricular activities, toys, etc. that they think the child needs, and my kid was sharing a bed with his parents being dropped off at grandmas every other day and didn’t have a 7:30pm bedtime like most kids his age.
You’ll be great. Just remember, the emotional connection is paramount. Whether they’re 2 days old or 21 years old.
Congratulations
Congrats!
Yo 51 ??! Rip to that kids childhood
I'm 32. As a dad of four, I always give a heads up to new dads and let them know the first 3 months is the larval stage where you can adore baby, but you're mostly there to change diapers and help. Mom. After that 3 months, 4 months, a personality develops and you feel more needed and take on more of a role. If you don't feel super attached in those first three or four months don't feel weird. Once the baby's personality develops, you'll have more of a bond
4:00 minutes into this, I started tearing up. Dr. Peterson stating "because, that's when you need to step in.." hit my heartstrings...how undervalued it is to know when to step in and give momma a break. This goes both ways, but the heaviness of the first few months with infant is sooo undervalued. I guess I got emotional, because it is such a dark and yet beautiful time of "figuring out."
Only family men who love both their wives and their babies truly understand this. Well said, my friend.
Thank you for delineating the husband/father’s initial priority as taking care of mother/wife. It should be obvious, but men and women need to be taught this. It can seem overwhelming but it pays immense dividends.
Been a mom since 2004 and we had our 6th child in 2021 😊💗
Children should be considered a gift, but do you really need valdation from strangers?
Why so many and how do you manage every pregnancy or birth and all kids?
Amazing ❤ only true joy there is in life.
What makes you think she "needs" validation from strangers? If you like donuts do you "need" them to live?
Oh wow, that is great! Didn't think that happens anymore, but it is great that it does
A series of lectures or a book from you on parenting would be awesome JBP!
This is a crossover even the internet (basically responsible for both of these guys' popularity) didn't expect.
Have my 2nd son now, a newborn. This is great advice for new dads especially. Your partner loves you still, she will come back
Jordan Peterson is my hero. My role model. Literally I’ve looked up to him when I first discovered his videos in 2020 when he talked about alcohol’s effect for people with anxiety.
Outstanding advice! It always amazes me how the woke mob can just flat out ignore solid, compassionate and excellent advice from someone simply because of their ideological presuppositions. They are intellectually blind/deaf.
But also be able to shift last minute. If she's sleepy on date night because it was a hard night, then maybe one hour of wine cheese and slow dancing or one hoyr of comedy night or a comedy special on netflix. A 2 hour movie sounds exhausting lol
I am going to be a father this summer for the first time . This is super useful. I’ve mentioned this before. JBP needs to write a book on effective parenting
Thank you for sharing this advice. Many fathers could do with this guidance 🌹
Cbum's ability to listen and vulnerability/humility regarding this question is beautiful. Incredible combination between Dr. Peterson and Cbum.
Watch Bluey
Agreed.
👌
😂😂😂I cracked up coz I look at that and I'm like... Hmmm
It's definitely not just for kids, there's parts in there kids wouldn't fully understand, but as parents, we can definitely relate. The episode where chilli is trying to get bluey to walk for example.
This is so helpful. Thank you.
Some of the best advice I've ever heard. Thank you, Dr. Peterson! Saved this for future reference 👌
This advice came timely for me 😊 thank you 🙏🏼
when he said that i would way rather be with my kids than anyone else is so true i love spending time witth them
Thank you Jordan. God bless you.
I wish I saw this video 2 years ago when my twins were born. I didn't know anything about infants, or girls at that. Its such a fun ride Chris! You'll be surprised how much you learn, and instinct takes over. Enjoy it!
Thank you so much for this video Dr. Peterson! I’m about to become a dad and I’m trying to be a nurse. Your Rules for life with your other facets of knowledge have really solidified my very shaky foundation!!!!!!!
I called my Great Uncle Roger the day my son was born and asked him if he had any advice for me. He's someone I've always had a tremendous amount of respect for. He said, "Nope. That's the funnest part of it, figuring that all out as you go along." Best advice he could have given me.
I've never heard that advice before, thank you for sharing
You obviously want to be a good dad. That’s most of it. Just want to be there. Fatherhood is amazing brother you’ll figure it out ❤️
I‘m deeply amazed by this combo. Both of them have my greatest respect.
Plus..CBum really looks exited, almost like a shy young boy meeting a fatherly hero, which is kinda cute
Very well said, when he describes at the end how his wife is prickly and needs a bit more time alone. Almost to miss the other person a bit to get optimal time together, so true for some couples. My recent girlfriend of 2 years couldn’t accept that in me (as she was always the cuddling,attached type) when I was vocal about it, and ultimately that’s what led to the end of the relationship. Thanks for the great wording of information Jordan.
Such helpful insights!
Needed this. Thank you.
You got it
Congrats, homie!
This is true, our first born we implemented this and worked out well, she is now 8. We then had twins pidgin pair, now 3 years old. This has been a challenge to share the time and especially with our oldest 😅
“Nobody will love you like your daughter will” - truest words ever spoken.
Works as a double edged sword though, because SINCE YOU KNOW this fact, it works to motivate you to be the best man you can be, but it also haunts you when you feel like you’ve underperformed, whether that performance is physically or emotionally.
The gesture and the way of speaking of Jordan is unmatched
As a mother of two and a wife, it is so refreshing to hear him completely understand, support, and respect the vulnerable time for the mom and new born. And when you grow your family with another baby. Please send this to all dads and new dads. Understanding this to its fullest can and will enhance your connection to your wife, connection to your baby, and provide the ultimate sense of security for the mom/wife.
When someone asks for advice, send them this.
Thankyou Jordan
It's true. My daughter will be 5 this year and there is nothing like the love that she has for me. I cherish it and love her back. I just hope she still loves me like this in her teens. :D
She’ll disappear probably in her teens to discover her identity. But she’ll be back in her 20’s.
As a mother to 3 children soon to have my 4th, this is excellent advice. My husband has been an absolutely amazing partner through having our children. He took such great care of me and he never made me feel guilty or stressed about being unable to take care of his needs as much as I usually do. JP is absolutely right about the first 6 months, especially if you breast feed, you as a mother are completely absorbed in that baby. Your thoughts are all on caring for the baby, when to feed the baby, checking on the baby, etc. it's so valuable for the father to understand what you're going through and take care of you
I screwed up a great deal with my first born initially. But just by being accepting and encouraging and trying hard to be an understanding person with her, she has become such a blessing to me (and I hope myself to her).
Admittance is the first step to making a change and becoming a better person. H.O.W. H-honesty. O-openminded. W-willingness. #FaithOverFear
Just saw CBum at the Arnold the other day. Very humble man!
This is the Peterson I like, a little off politics. Just reminds me of his old lectures.
Great piece of advice.
I love that - your primary responsibility is to take care of her. ❤
CBum with his Kim Jong Un outfit on
Best advice you'll ever receive is learn infant CPR and get good at it/take an OSHA 8 hour course and apply it to child rearing😉👌 Talk to your baby like a regular human (Very little "Baby" talk) and NARRATE THEIR LIFE! My toddler is 42 months old and can read. Be patient and understand whatever YOU DO is what they will emulate. Godspeed, soldiers.
Fantastic advice
I think a major reason that couples drift apart overtime is because they spend too much time confined together to the point where the spark begins to dwindle. There's something to be said about building up the excitement of reuniting with your partner after being away from one another. The novelty isn't there if both of you are around each other all the time. This is partly why couples who cohabitate before marriage end up being at a greater statistical likelihood for divorce.
Gentlemen, I listened, accepted and implemented Dr. Petersons advice on my children and marriage over 9 years ago when my first daughter was born... IT WORKS. I have the best relationship with my daughters and wife because of the wisdom I chose to follow. My daughters are people i enjoy being with and I have never let them be the people I would not chose to be around. Its a journey and you will make mistakes and continue to make them but everyone in your life will be better for it if you implement the advice. God bless you fathers and future fathers.
Praise God
Amen good News
Thank you lord 💗🎚
This is such practical advice. Especially when compared to “do everything 50/50 or die trying”
Some folks talk about the 50/50 idea, but I see a problem there. (Just my opinion, though.) If we’re only giving 50, we’re leaving the other 50 up to chance and absence. Let's bring our full 100/100! No matter where you're from or what you've been through, putting our whole hearts in everything we do, with love and a touch of spirituality, is the way to make things truly work.
Jordan is the best ❤
Fortunately I heard that advice from JBP before my kid was born. I wished I did more, but I did a lot.
There were periods where my daughter wanted nothing to do with me, it hurt. Fathers, please be ready for it. Just do your job and be patient through these stages. This will happen especially if your wife is breastfeeding.
As my daughter is getting older, she shows me so much affection that it’s uncomfortable.
I was told by one of my friends that my daughter will become the love of my life. She is becoming one.
That’s good advice brother thanks a lot, I will prepare myself for that. Must be hard.
I just had a baby, and I already feel my partner is doing the right things to support me. To all the dads up there, seriously make sure your wife is doing ok, as this is very emotional and we’re dealing not only with been tired and the recovery, but with extremely anxiety and depression.
It's so interesting cuz the games you play with infants almost just happen. It's THAT engrained in us. Wild
CBum and JP in a podcast? I'm stoked!
Making the priorities commitment daily monthly yearly is always such a task
Ok. That's a crossover that I wasn't expecting
Great
Glad I found this. I’m 38 first baby is due next month
My fiancee and I are getting married at the end of May and expecting a baby in October, so I really appreciate your advice because saying it’s stressful is an understatement.
❤️
Interact with them from day one, have fun. Talk to them all the time. Look for their communication cues. Feed yourself and their mum good food. Stay away from the so-called 'experts' ... love, protect, follow your intuition. Dolphins, birds, horses etc know how to do it. Trust yourself. And only take guidance from those who have supported you and you respect. Keep them away from tv, etc, for as long as possible. Good luck big man.
For reals! To say “see ya in 6 months” is ridiculous. Help your wife and baby out. Learn how to be a dad from day 1.
Dr Jordan has to make a book on parenting
7:46 I love you, you’re my number one priority but right now I’m prioritising something else.
All i wanted to hear as a new momma was, how can i help? What do you need?
first trimester, first-time Mom and dad, here to do our homework.
My ex would always say “I feel guilty when you take over and give me a break”
I told her she looked miserable when she was overwhelmed and to choose guilt over misery. Unfortunately we couldn’t make it work. Hardest time of my life right now. We have a 2 year old and 11 month old together.
My mother had three kids under the age of one. We were twins with a brother ten months older!
Never expected to see these two in the same video
It makes sense though. Cbum is a very wholesome dude
Trending on Twitter after this: Jordan Peterson headbutts babies 😂
A deep partnership is very fundamental in raising a child.
Is there any good book recommendations for parenting out here that others have read that's helped them through their children's pre-teen years? I'm asking for a family member that could use all help possible with learning new ways to handle the negative behaviors.
💡
I often think that modern relationships dont seem to understand that a man will essentially "lose" his partner for years. Her personality will basically change. Not understanding this leads to resentment and discontent and is why we have so many marriages end within a few years of children. You need to go away without your children to remember who both of you really are otherwise you're throwing away the person you love simply due to not understanding that she needed to change to raise your children. Once upon a time our parents and grandparents knew this. Now the minute it's not as fun as it was before kids, everyone bails.
Great question bud
I appreciate JP saying she might want a break from dad too. Lol. If you have a few days or even hours where she could have a break. She might want to go out with her friends for an evening, she might just want you to do everything possible for a day while she rests, she might want to cuddle on the couch with dad instead of going on a date in public, she might want to dress to the 9’s to go on a date, go on a long walk, etc.
Men tend to “plan a date, cram this into X time.” Rigid planning on her behalf even though she might not want that. Keep it fluid until she expresses interest. “I’m off for few days. What do you need done? What would you like to do? I got you.”
She might cry in relief asking for dad to help with chores that are hard for her and, if that’s accomplished, fit a date in.
Wish I’d seen this before 10 months ago when my baby was born ❤
2:15 This is exactly how I pictured JP would interact with an infant 🙂
Before becoming a parent all I heard about was lack of sleep. But no one ever brought up how my relationship with my wife would change. And you don’t really even notice how your relationship has changed negatively at the time and you don’t give each other attention like you used to because you are so tired and busy. In hind sight, it’s much easier to notice.
Only 2 minutes in and already wished I had followed this advice. I guess I still can, it was just hard to understand at the time and still challenging for me to do.
If only jp made a playlist of parenting videos for each stage of parenthood... That would be helpful for those who have 4yo etc
Coach Greg will like this.
Became dad 2y ago. Being full time. Applied this from the start.
Probably, because you didn’t wanted to scare off men. It’s more than 6 months. First 3, 6, yes. Crucial. But until the baby realizes a bit more about separation. Close to 2 y. Man’s role to take care of the mother. Being your priority.
The main point of contention should be making your bed. This is because when you make your bed it will help eliminate one place you may have lost your depression medication. WHERE ARE MY BENZOS?!?
My man, what a combo! For the next video, how about JP and Chris lifting weights in the gym.
1:15
I Will écho the sentiment of most the men in the comments. A parenting book by yourself JP would be of immense value to a lot of men and women out there
Chrisssss
I think live just happens to many people and they don't construct a plan for what's coming , nor do they have wise guidance. That's why life becomes so hard. It happened to my partner and I , but we have come out ol now , but things could have been far more enjoyable and productive
Came in just to give it a like ❤
Hey Jordan, struggling to move forward with my life can’t get a job struggling to have time with my son because of captain. Leather pants won’t have a sex change. Do you have any suggestions?
It's incredible that some people can even try to accuse him of being a misogynist, when he cares so much for the welfare and well-being of women and girls in addition to everyone.
I think Jordan Peterson on parenting is actually where he can potentially bridge the political divide. My politics are different than his - and I must admit i’m not a very politically astute thinker, so I don’t want to get into that - but I find that, despite my disagreements with certain implications of his politics, or at least with the way he discusses his political views, nevertheless when it comes to his advice on parenting he’s extremely cogent, patient, wise, grounded, humble, steady and devoted. He mentions that he has a more maternal instinct than maybe the average man does, and I think this is one of the ways he can best serve as a role model for young men. For a lot of us, tapping into our maternal side is exceedingly difficult. We’re inundated with conventionally masculine role models, all the time, emblematised by men who cannot themselves live up to or sustain that conventional masculine image; but a role model who showcases a balanced, alternative masculinity, who helps us better understand how to channel our energy into playfulness, into humour, into openness and expansive responsiveness; a role model who teaches us how to welcome and process our emotions, intense though they may be, without succumbing to them, resisting them, or repressing them, would be a welcome reprieve for all of us, or at least I believe so anyway, though whether or not I am right, and whether or not my say on the matter has any weight at all, I do not declare to know.
Sometimes Jordans Canadian ay comes out, pretty funny if you notice every time
I sure wish Jordan was telling this to me and my husband 40 yrs ago.....
יוי
“How do I teach my kids valuable lessons after I started abusing PEDs as a teenager to get cheap wealth and fame in my youth at the cost of my health?”
Chum asking Peterson to train his child to be the next sam sulek