Covert Narcissists' Favorite CATCHPHRASES
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 9. 11. 2021
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Things Only a Covert Narcissist Would Say #covertnarcissists//If there have been covert narcissists in your life you would agree that it's not easy to define them because they show sneaky signs of narcissism. But there are phrases, lines, and weird things that only they would say which screams your definitely dealing with a covert narcissist. Grab your pen and paper and get ready because Rebecca Zung, narcissist negotiation expert, tells us the phrases narcissists use and what they REALLY mean.
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â Rebecca Zung is one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the nation, having been recognized by U.S. News & World Report as a âBest Lawyer in Americaâ, as âLegal Eliteâ by Trend Magazine, and recognized by her peers and the judiciary as AV(c), preeminent rated in family law, the highest possible rating for an attorney by Martindale Hubbell.
â But her journey wasnât always easy. She got married at 19, had 3 children and divorced at the age of 23. She was a divorced single mom when she decided to go back to law school. She went from being a single mom, college dropout, to becoming one the most powerful lawyers in the country at the helm of a multi-million dollar practice. She is now committed to sharing her secrets and empowering others to live their lives at their optimum level of success, professionally and personally.
â She is the author of the bestselling books, Negotiate Like You M.A.T.T.E.R.: The Sure Fire Method to Step Up and Win and Breaking Free: A Step-by-Step Divorce Guide for Achieving Emotional, Physical, and Spiritual Freedom, and is a sought after major media contributor.
â She has been featured in Extra, Forbes, Huffington Post, Newsweek, Time, Dr. Drew, NPR Talk Radio, Good Day New York and CBS Los Angeles among others. She is the host of the popular show Negotiate Your Best Lifeâą which is available on CZcams and as a Top Podcast. She is also a frequent keynote speaker.
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Disclaimer: The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for the purpose of providing legal advice. You should contact an attorney in your state to obtain legal advice with respect to any particular issue or problem.
âą Covert Narcissists' Fa...
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I'll see you there!
Concernrd about you
Oh really !
Whete do you find a patking spot ?
Anything i said positive
Is not ssfe
My Mom (head of her church), my husband when I was young WHILE I was getting a degree in Psychology & THREE with my son...they are the Chris Watts & Brian Landrie (murderer's), the Universe trying to teach me something? With my son, destroyed him & my Gbabies were severely abused. 2 Coverts & a Malignant. Thanks for your work, Much Love
Donât do it! When I did I was automatically signed up for the US Democratic Party and her files are corrupted and completely unreadable when printed out.
Have anyone noticed someone is commenting on posts to call them on watsapp and have rebecca zung picture as profile? đ€
The smirk. The sneer. The eye roll. The cold hard stare. The rebuff. The silent treatment. The mock concern. The heavy breathing. The maniacal rage. The blatant insults. The body shaming. The character assassination. Their desperation to be the centre of everything, pulling everyoneâs strings, their general creepinessâŠ
The sociopathic SMIRK! The maniacal rage! The blatant insults! The character assassination! âŠand last but not least, "Their desperation to be the centre of everything, pulling everyoneâs strings, their general creepinessâ! Ya, I had a narc older brother like that. The smirk stopped when I would call him out on it in front of people. The rage stop when at about 14 years old I beat the snot out of him. But, he just moved on to something else.
Omg you are spot on @oonaghmolyneux7760
Iâve been dealing with narcissistic people my whole life it seems to me the whole worldâs gone crazy and thereâs more of them now than ever
In fact there are more of them nowadays... Our society is extremely narcissistic, egocentric and selfish. Our culture is the kingdom of the ego.
Lmao
@@bicho.cosmico i think you ppl are starting to miscue narcissits for messed up people. Yes they have the hugest ego in the friggin world, but its not an ego that can be seen its completely hidden ego. Otherwise youre just dealing with an egotistical person
I agree!
@@djah200 yep I thought the same thing. Every time someone disagrees they are a narc. Makes narcissism lose its value.
Its impossible to descripe this to someone who isnt familiar with it. Its all the little things that make you crazy and nobody can understand your problems. You get the feeling something is not right but cant pinpoint it, its insane.
Yessssssss going them right it now.
100%
i was riding my bike and this guy's energy was so toxic that I recommend these types be put down like a dog because their is nothing redeemable about these kinds. I was about to ingest a pill because of it. health hazards. embarrassed that these types are even in the country. What a gyp
Janipipt, i know what you are saying.
So true.
"I'm sorry you took it that way" "I remember when you had a sense of humor" death by a thousand cuts is so true. I'm still stuck and desperately want out. Its so hard.
Same. Sending đđ
Believing it is so hard. Because they are soo convincing especially when they are well educated.
Your only option is walk out cold turkey.Nothing else works! The glimmers of good times they show you isn't worth it. That good is actually and only for them They will ration you,they will gaslight you,they will mentally and emotionally hurt you. Run,and get therapy,they screw you up.
âIâm sorry you took offense to thatâ is the verbal slap Iâve been subjected to for years, I canât stand that, sometimes I think Iâd rather they just be mean and say what they really mean, because then I wouldnât have to spend mental energy replaying it in my head trying to figure out what the subtext is.
Same I'm too crazy and paranoid to leave also since I have fibromyalgia I can't work and rent is so expensive I get a small help from the government but no family or friends want to help me out
Death by a thousand cuts. Yes, that's it exactly, very well said!! My narc ex-husband was very well-liked and respected by those outside my house, who didn't know the silent treatments, verbal abuse and passive-aggressive mind games that I was subjected to. I thank God every day for escaping. EVERY DAY.
Yes, a totally opposite person behind closed doors.
Happy for You âŁïž
I told my ex that our situation was like death by a thousand cuts.
How long were you married?
I was raised by a covert narcissist. And what I learned, from an early age, is looks are deceiving. I'm not impressed by the "picture perfect" people. I call them "perfectly psycho."
My mother is a covert narcissist and I can only stand a surface level relationship because of my battle with anxiety and depression. Sheâs depleted my self-esteem over time.
Same here.
Same here, I also have no idea how I'm going to crawl out of this hole.
completely the same way i had an overt for a father and covert for mother guess they deserved each other
Same here.
Sometimes surface level is too much as well, I cut mine out 100%. I didnât choose my parents, but I sure as hell can choose who I spend my time with on this earth. Life is too short to put up with bad people/behavior.
As soon as you said âthatâs not what I meant â I burst out crying . He has always lead me to believe Iâm the gaslighter , the abusive one . But he lies a lot and explains it with âthatâs not what I meantâ . Iâm not crazy Iâm not a bad person . Itâs getting hard to believe with him âŠ.
I know that feeling. Where they put you in a position where every time you try to tell someone what's happening they look at you like you're the crazy one. Ugh. Where they say things like, "If you really think about it you'll know I only want the best for you." And you try to tell someone and they say, "but she wants the best for you." No... no, nobody gets it.
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - Iâve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes!>> www.icanslay.com âš
I had a coworker who would act like this when confronted about her undermining behavior...."Oh, I was just trying to help." was her favorite response.
Lol ... Textbook!
@@kimgordon3695 Exactly! and with the most innocent facial expressionđ€Šđœââïž
The one I always hear when confronting these buttholes is, âOh! I was JUST joking! Get over it! Canât you take a joke?!â Or some variation on that theme. I would be willing to bet that this is the most used phrase by them. I hear it from jackasses all the time. Btw, I have a wonderful sense of humorâŠ.I even play harmless pranksâŠ.I just donât disparage, humiliate, and gaslight others in the process.
Hearing you. Dealt with 2 known bullies at work and suffered at their hands..was ostracised in the workplace, threatened overtly, ignored at meetings and or given derogatory names, approached other staff and put me down to them and the staff would explain that they liked me...and the smear campaign continued into false assertions made in writing..đ and I'm still suffering from the ongoing consequences of their lies đ Nasty individuals
@@hannahkinnear7701 So frustrating, and they will continue to move through the work being fake to others.
Jealousy is a form of hatred. They seethe with rage, and their sh*tty mood comes from YOU and your success. Such childish b.s.
totally, and watch out for the charming types. That is why so many people live in a reclusive way. I knew someone that silently killed his wife and daughter due this mental cluster.
True
Or even your lack of success. I had a sister who spent her life competing with me, and sometimes she'd win, and I didn't care, I wasn't in a contest. I was just living my life, comfortable in my own skin and since I wasn't in the contest, sometimes I wasn't even aware if I'd won or lost, until she'd be trying to rub something in my face, and instead of getting angry, I'd just say, "oh, that's nice", and carry on. Seemed like she spent her life consumed by jealousy and her goal was to make me feel the very same way. But, like you said, jealousy is a form of hate, and I just don't have much, can't think of anyone I hate.
My sister
Never thought of it that way. But you are correct. I will always remember that.
Yes, a bottomless pit of jealousy. As I learn more, I see how fragile they actually are. How armored and hardened their facade. Please teach us more!!
They come across as tough but have such fragile egos!
So very Jealous
Took me forever to discover there was a covert narc. When I did, I discovered why I was so confused. He was passive aggressive and if I pointed out things...he'd say "I don't know what you are talking about.""that's not what I meant". Coverts use the "lost puppy" victim thing too. You always feel bad for them!!
O know exactly How It feels... I almost gone Crazy. Happily I was gone away instead!
I know this feeling
U sound like one aren't u sure that you're not the one talking about ? It's not that hard to tell when someone acts weird like.
"I don't even know WHAT you're talking about?!" is my covert narcissists FAVORITE line. I told him I need a t-shirt that says it because he says that to me so much! đ
Same. I just discovered this today and I feel like I've been let out of jail! I was calling it so many things and justifying and feeling bad for him. Over and over. Depressed. Anxious. Insecure. Fragile. Easily influenced. Approval seeking.
They say they were just joking but they can't take it when it's done to them.
Ainât that true bahahaha
So true
Yup, been there many times.
Oooooh yes
Yessss whenever he said something and he said there jk
âDeath by a thousand cutsâ is perfectly stated. If I tried to explain it Iâd be laughed at. Itâs such tiny things ⊠like sticking me with his chores (and he doesnât do many) or moving things that I leave in a specific place in the kitchen. We also have repeat conversations. Itâs so invalidating when he says âI donât remember what you said.âAll these little passive-aggressive punishments always come after times I disagreed (nicely) with him or if I spoke up, have my own opinion about something
Question: why are you disagreeing with your husband? Seriously? Have you considered that disagreeing is . . . disagreeable. We have know idea what you speak up or have an opinion about, but most of the time, men don't want to hear it because (believe it or not) everything is fine. You do realize that a narcissist will disagree and have repeat conversations to get attention from someone who is mellow and just fine? Why are there chores? Why do you have a list of them for him? Why is that a lot like a mom? And doesn't that sound a little bit like toxic femininity.
Sorry, but a narcissist is more likely to demand obedience and attention: "he doesn't remember the nonsense I tell him" and " he doesn't do the chores I have for him," for example
@A Girl, I know exactly what it's like to hear "I don't remember", "I cant understand what you say", "you are too sensitive" and the list goes on. Invalidating hurts so much. But even with a thousand scars, I am here pretty alive and stronger than ever, because now I am able to recongnize their strategy and I am prepared tĂŽ fight back. stay strong!.
Wow my narc says the same things, or if I bring up an event itâs always âoh yea I think I remember thatâ or âI forgotâ
Death by 1000 cuts is definitely accurate. They do this on purpose because they care about how they are perceived by others. So when the victim goes to someone else for comfort and starts explaining the few "little" things that they're going through currently, then they're perceived as dramatic. It also helps further isolate their victims and maintain control. If others don't understand what you're going through and telling you it's not a big deal you'll start to believe them. You'll start to doubt yourself and blindly follow the narcissist. It's all a part of their game.
Exactly! This is what I'm going through!
Rebecca, you would be proud of me saying that I finally filed for divorce a few weeks ago to get away from the narc that tired to control my life.đ
This lady wouldn't have a job without hatred of narcissists, she describes the differences between the types of narcissism, how to cope with it, or deal with it, abusive psychological warfare shouldn't be accepted if you're a victim of it, manipulated by words and actions, the element of doubt, are they right, you start to doubt yourself and potential, sabotaging your effort in life, is it intentional or they mean it, if it comes across as being rude, don't accept it, walk away and live to fight another day, gaslighting will make you crazy, the passive-aggressive could have you fooled, are they serious or are they joking, are they jealous of you, do they truly mean it, uses a guilt complex to get a reaction from you, disguises compliments with an ulterior motive, usually has a hidden agenda to get what they needđđ©â
Good job!
I'm on that way soon, hopefully by the end of this year I'll be able to say the same â€ïžđ! Congratulations for the force you have in you! God bless you, hun đđđđ„!!!
Good for you!
good
I agree 100 % and it took a overt and a covert teaming up to crush me for awhile. Without the covert the overt couldn't touch me. Covert in my opinion is the scariest because you never see them coming.
Oh wow you had 2!I'm praying for your well being and recovery.
@@visionbishop9517 Thank you ! It helps to hear encouraging words.
@@outlaws4justice417 You're very much welcome. Namaste!
Good ppl abound,surround yourself with them. They'll help keep the narcs away
True they seem like the nicest ppl soo scary I'm experiencing this with a friend.
Let me tell you. They have the ability to f#&@ u all the way up. I had not the slightest idea or clue! I was blind sided until YTs algorithm helped me out đđœ
My MIL is a covert narcissist and one thing she would do is get up and walk away while I was in the middle of telling a story. This tactic was nonverbal, but also sneaky and disrespectful at the same time.
Wow thatâs crazy , very rude of her. I wouldâve told her off lol
Plain old Nasty behavior!
Sorry you are dealing with this.
Hopefully you can find a way to deal with this.
Sometimes giving people a taste of their own medicine might work. Example: if she start saying something, you pull out your phone and start strolling, or you could get up and leave as soon as she starts talking.
Ugh, I would get âIs this story over yet?â EVERY TIME when I barely ever got to say much and he got to talk about his interests 95 percent of the time đ
Yep! My ex MIL would ask about my job, and as I was talking about it, she would start talking to someone else in the room. She treats everyone the same. All about her.
Omg ALL of this! All my friends saw me literally losing my mind and thinking that I was just mentally ill but I was being psychologically run down by a covert/vulnerable narcissist. He was the king of stonwalling, witholding, passive comments, saying things then denying he ever said them and telling me I have memory problems and should get help. I seriously started feeling so lost and suicidal and he tried to say "dont worry I'm going to be here for you, were gonna help you ok" I felt so disturbed when he would hold me and talk to me like that because he was literally the reason I was feeling that way. Some complement put downs I'd get were "that's a pretty dress.... you do know your nipple is almost out though... just saying cause i'm trying to help you" "your so creative and talented babe!" then flipping around and calling me a know it all or constantly accusing me of thinking i'm perfect or better than everyone and I'd just be like what? His other favorite thing to do would say "you live a life of double standards!" all because he couldn't understand the difference between me genuinely worrying about him and his well being and criticizing. Me caring for his mental health was always me attacking him and "thinking I was better than him" I was like think of it this way, there is a difference between accidental manslaughter and pre meditated murder. Human beings will always fuck up and make mistakes but I am never intentionally trying to hurt you and I always own my mistakes and apologies but it will always be seen as an attack no matter what to them so they respond with actually having the intention of WANTING to hurt you. It's a serious mind fuck. I agree I honestly wish I would have met a grandiose narcissist because I would have kicked them to the curb so fast but coverts know exactly how to draw you in with their sadness and you feel like they are a child in need of help because essentially they are but it is impossible to help someone who wont help themselves. Oh and he loved telling our mutual friends that he was taking care of me and how much he loved and adored me and they would all be like AWWW you're such a sweet guy. Ugggg
Omg this is almost the same thing đłđ
@@Samanthaleigh94 I hope you get out of it. I swear I tried to justify it for so long thinking I was responsible for helping him or looking after his mental health but that is bs when you are being abused it's the end all be all. I finally let go with the last thing I said being an email I sent him of 6 psychologists I found that could really help him and I said "I have faith in you, good luck" and blocked him. Hardest thing ever but I knew my life would continue to go downhill with him attached to it.
Iâm divorcing someone who is exactly like this. Four months of No Contact and Iâm still working through what was real & what was BS. Itâs such a mind f*ck.
@@Kris-kq5yi I'm glad you got out!
I think the craziest part is how you can be around this type of person for SOOOO long but never even realize with the type of person youâre dealing with , they are so good at convincing everyone around them that they are an amazing person so when you sit back and analyze there behavior , itâs a mindfuck because you tell yourself âam I the one with the issues here? Because everyone seems to love and adore them so why do they act this way towards meâ And you described everything word by word , they act like the victim and pull on the strings of your emotions to try and reel you in again
"You are so insecure"...as they are cheating and you have a strong feeling it's happening.
âDeath by a thousand cutsâ is definitely something I regularly use to describe the constant stream of tiny insults
I wrote a song about it and only just realised Iâve spent nearly 2 decades with a narc. đ€ŠđŸââïž
My husband said something mean to me and then walked into the kitchen. I followed him in there and and put my hands on my hips and demanded to know why he said that. He replied, "I was just joking". I replied back, "no you weren't". He was speechless because he realized that I had "seen him"....the guy behind the mask, for quite some time.
He actually discarded me very shortly after that.
Hallelujah!!
Paula Mathis,You look cute đčđ·,You donât need a narcissist in your life!
Blessing in disguise
Every single thing that has been said -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- here about Brandon on cognitivehacks@yahoo.com the realest thing I have seen all week It sounded impossible and too good to be true at first but I decided to face my fears and give it a try Brandon was able to get back a very very old fb businss page that was deletd about seven years ago, this used to be my official acc and I am just so relieved he was able to keep to his words Thatâs a real man right there, anyone in need of something like this reach out to him immediately and he wouldnât fail you He is also extremely useful for when it comes to getting back a snap accnt thatâs been lost , he got one for my nephew too
I just got rid of a 15 year friendship with a covert narrccisist. I feel a tiny bit sad that the relationship wasn't what I thought it was but mostly feel good.
My mom when I graduated from college.
âWow son, I didnât expect anything out of you.â
First of all, AMEN.
Secondly, I find they are BOTH envious (coveting the happiness of others) AND jealous (hyper passive-agressively defend what they percieve as "theirs")
Normal people see their bs as an âaccidental mistakeâ.
Covert narcissists make i n t e n t i o n a l âmistakesâ.
Itâs hard to describe what t h a t specific intention is, to someone whoâs never witnessed itâŠ..I think people can understand easily enough, the types of examples you gave âŠ.I think the real difficulty they have is, accepting that there ARE people out there
in their day to days lives, that actually exist like that.
The penny doesnât drop for most people until they witness it themselves in some fashion.
I strongly believe you either have to have experienced the nature of the beast directly or indirectly, to understand what it looks likeâŠ.
Otherwise is feels like trying to describe a colour to someone whos never seen it đŁ
That was to me was a very good statement the life with a narcissist is hard to explain why we stay even harder to explain
Yes, true!
Ooops... (They did it AGAIN)
A true, Narc, CLASS ACT!
âŒïž
"you are too sensitive"đą Classic one
Exactly! They throw it back on you!
Amen, we Empaths turn it back on them when we're thru being their punching bag, supply or their target. I stood up to my abuser, told him I was no longer afraid of him, and wondered what he was going to do when he and his backups get exposed for what they are and all that they have done, he lied to the employer who fired him so he wouldn't have to come back and deal with the mess he created so he could get his supporters to BE ON HIS SIDE. His family would always back him up using ALL those same statements and behavioral patterns. I already left most of my siblings, classmates, and even congrational acquaintances for things such as those. I've learned not to trust anyone and not become them, it's hard. I feel many people's pain and relate with compassion only to be constantly hurt for being kind.
Ok heres one....i told this 'friend' how much i liked her hair and went on and on about the cut and color, etc. Then asked for her hairdressers name. Made the appointment and during the appointment the hairdresser asked me how i had heard of her. I told her so and so sent me and she gave me a strange look like 'who's that' and I realized this wasnt my friends hairdresser. I asked her about it later and she said 'oh well I heard that she was really good'. Put it all together as part of a pattern of multiple slights towards me. Mostly triangulation with another really good friend. Had to walk away after thinking she was a friend for 4yrs. Took that long to figure it all out. Makes sense now.
My husband of 39 years says â but we had a nice day yesterday â so why are you mad at me now? I
Lol... Same here...
OMG yes! Nailed it!!!!
Ummmmm ok. Isnât that a good thing ? Perhaps you didnât explain why youâre mad
Itâs black and white thinking... you canât be frustrated, annoyed or hurt by something they said because having one of those feelings or emotions to them means you hate their guts and canât love them. I can love you and cherish you but I can also be frustrated with you at the same time.... in Narcs it doesnât work that way. You either love them and are their biggest fan or you hate their guts. Itâs a One or a Ten with nothing in between.... itâs a very hard place to live... I canât be frustrated or hurt because he forgot my birthday or Motherâs Day... that he said something that was hurtful or mean, that he forgot I needed him to be home by 6pm ( over and over again no matter how much I reminded him) or that I just had a bad day and Iâm in a grouchy mood that has nothing to do with him.... he will also turn it around to be a long drawn on multi-day unload all over me over and over again... because I have to âpayâ for my transgression which may have been that I was hurt he bought me an âold age birthday card that says I still love you even though youâre getting old. Iâm in my early 40s- and that was all he got me... no card from our 3 kids... even a hand made card... then 2 months later - nothing for Motherâs Day. This is not unusual at all... usually I get a gift thatâs really for him đ€ŠđŒââïž
@@mcawesomest1 kinda sounds to me like you may be the actual Narcissist
I never even heard the term "Covert Narcissist" until I filed for divorce and was wondering why my wife and I never could have sustained periods of peaceful co-habitation. What an eye-opener it was to discover. After 5 years of being told I wasn't doing this to "help" her triggers, or I was doing that to trigger her, and trying to make things better, I finally just gave up. Now I realize that the once confident, strong man I was slowly disappeared and the only thing left was a broken, weak insecure person I didn't recognize any longer. This behavior problem needs to get out there so more people may come to recognize it.
I went through a lot of gaslighting, lies, cheating. Said he'd make me think I was going crazy. He's a mental health worker! Very scary that he sees clients, but of course they never see that side of him. He's been out of my life for over a year at some point I would like to date again. But I'm afraid of getting someone like him again. It took me many years to actually see what I was dealing with. Yes hopefully I know the signs now but I also feel I'm much stronger and smarter. I guess I can thank him for that.
Amen! I have two covert narcissist parents. Also worked with this type of person. I seem to be a magnet for narcissistic people.
Itâs so true that once a person has been under a narcissistic spell, they would have hard time breaking free from this kind
of destructive influence. May even look like the narcs are ever present, but this is what they would want you to think.
Iâd like to say this: Thereâs hope in this world if a child should grow out of such an environment and recognize it for what
it is and become a loving, caring person instead. Amen!
@Paula Rose I had a mentally ill covert narcissist mother & (same mental illness) overt narcissist younger sister. I walked away at the age of 49 in July 2015 after requiring my mother to face reality. My father was literally dying & we were at a pallative care stage. It took 8 days for me to get my mother to leave her alternate reality and face reality in the real world. All H*** broke loose & she almost jumped out of the front passenger door at 62 MPH going over an overpass in DFW metroplex. My role in my family of origin was scapegost/hero. I was the oldest offspring, 1 sister (3 yrs 4 mo younger) 1 brother (5 yrs 11.5 mo younger). I had NO IDEA how psychologically unbalanced my family dynamic actually was until I reached adulthood (18 y/o), moved out & paid my own way in life. A Psychology 101 Course (General Psychology) at 20.5 years old began my journey out of the toxic "cesspool" into the safe, clear waters of an intentionally different neuclear family dynamic with my own 4 offspring.
Best to you as you move forward in light & love towards your true self!
Me too. Seems I can't break free of these people and I have been married 3 times. Disgusting!!..
Narcissists are most attracted to higher value people. The more the person has, the more the Narcissist can take from them and bring them down. It's like a sport for them
S.O.s (Sexual Offenders, Are, often times, Covert Narcissists!) Thank YOU, Rebecca Zung! â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž
Omg! I wish I had a dollar for every time my Ex husband said, âI didnât intend toâŠ.â!!!! Soooo true!
Barb Calhoun,You are beautiful đ·,you donât need a narcissist in your life!
Barb Calhoun,You are beautiful đ·,you donât need a narcissist in your life!
My ex would never lower herself to accept any responsibility. She would just say "I never did that you liar" then start distorting the topic at hand and start blame shifting
Maybe he didn't intended to.. my exwife always mischaracterized my intentions.
@@DaBeezKneez Right. The problem with this whole board is that narcissists mischaracterize intentions and exaggerate. They also attract each other, and addicts. So . . . one way to practice dealing with narcissists in court could very well be to read these comments to prepare for how they'll lie on you.
I have a very close family member with these behaviors.
When you call them out you have messed with the devil đđș
Exactly! They freak out and try to make you feel crazy!
" They want to protect you" (my mom to me, after a narcissist family mobbing episode).
Uh, no mom, ya'll want to abuse me.
Amen
They r wolves in Sheepâs clothing!!!
100%. They will act innocent and sensitive. They they will do secret things behind your back to destroy you.
"Just a friendly reminder that", nope - friendly should be self-evident. They'll rain on your parade.
My ex actually tried to tell me she was the best thing that ever happened to me. đ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
So so so happy đđ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My ex had the mentality - if I don't admit it - it didn't happen .She admitted to 2 affairs . Though i can't "prove" it as she liked to throw at me..I am not a person who goes through your phone , or your purse but i got refer to * cognitivehacks@yahoo.com I don't follow you or your friends . There where signs but denial and wilfully ignorance was something I was good at . For those 3 years the # of people she slept with only slowed down . It didn't stop . I was no saint. Truth be known I should never have asked her to marry me . I was immature , stupid., had no idea what a "good " , healthy relationship was . I had 3 affairs . One before we got married , 2 more about 2 years after we were married . We were together 14 years . Married 12 of them . Divorced in 2018 and to this day I do not trust anyone.
Best thing to do with a covert narcissist is to have them on video recording. They love to "fuck with people" and every once in a while, you'll come across one who will randomly comment about how much they love to "fuck with people" and in those cases, yes, they DO know what they're doing and it's intentional.
....and, in all honestly, when you genuinely love someone, you ARE concerned about them drinking too much (and too often and they've had car accidents with only their vehicle). That's not necessarily an example of someone being a covert narcissist, especially when the person they're talking about NEEDS to stop drinking because their drinking way too much, way too often.
It is true that clergy, physicians, pillars of the community, social justice warriors, and others like this who are covert narcissists. That said, it is not "only" covert narcissists who say this stuff, and THAT part of your title for this video is misleading. The truth is that depending on how YOU interact with any narcissist, they may behave more overtly...or covertly...or malignantly...with you, especially if you happen to be someone who can hold them accountable for their behavior. They will do what you ALLOW them to do, most often than anything else.
There is a lot about covert narcissists that you aren't saying here, but yes, they are envious (and jealous, which is different than envy). Yes, they do give back-handed "compliments".
"They will Do what You allow them to"
@@kimgordon3695 Yes, just like all the Cluster B disorders. If you don't have super strong boundaries AND enforce them rigorously, they will wipe their feet on you like a doormat.
When I was staying home after the birth of my children, everyday he would come home and asked me what I had done during the day, which wasn't much as I was breastfeeding, looking after the baby and house and was totally exhausted, and whatever I answered, with a sarcastic smile, he would say " It must be so nice to stay at home and not do much", and if I tried to explain it was actually quite hard, not like a holiday, he would make me feel guilty about not appreciating what I had.
did you stay ? if not how are u dealing with break up and child custody?
Yes, making you feeling guilty is what they strive on. The best thing is to block their venenous tongue and to stay away from them. They are toxic
I had a heated phone conversation with my ex that I still live with and when I started to get upset "see you are proving that I'm right by getting upset" and "I didn't do anything wrong"
All the while keeping her voice calm and cool.
AMEN. Something really sentimental of yours âaccidentallyâ gets broken; the gift you know they will love is just discarded, or not the right color, or a bland, âthank youâ; they âmimickâ something you say & theyâre horrible at it - but the point is made; they bring gifts to someone else in your home but never you & usually the âgiftâ sends a huge put-down message to me definitely; fake compliments as you said, with a put down added to it; blaming your stuff getting lost or destroyed with âI donât knowâ when itâs CLEAR they do or blaming pets for it; repeatedly trying to make you look bad in public then apologizing privately when you get home - a lengthy pattern of it; being jealous when something good happens to me finally; talking secretly with people whom have all ready lost our mutual trust and/or have betrayed me; taking anger out on me yet refusing to show anger to the ones actually responsible for hurting us/me, etc. Thank for this Rebecca, Covertâs are very dangerous & almost more heart-breaking bc they are the ones that truly should be on your side & should have your back no matter what đ„ș
One thing Iâve noticed that they do is if they see someone doing a task or project and they know something that would help or fix it or make it successful they do not offer the information if they see someone is about to fail, they just watch it âŠ.. then afterwards they say â you couldâve did this or that and it wouldâve helped or workedâ they always offer information in a gloating way when the thing is over so they can feel superior like they wouldâve done it better.
Totally experienced something along these lines the other day over something so simple that itâs ridiculousâŠwe ordered similar chicken sandwiches at the drive thru..and he commented after I ordered mine like he was upset that I had ordered something close to hisâŠANYWAYYYâŠwhen we got our food he handed me both of the chicken sandwiches to figure out which was which and refused to even look at either of them and helpâŠso, I looked and said I believe this one is yours and this one is mineâŠthe awkwardness and tension were already noticeable and uncomfortableâŠI was eating my fries and he had just finished his sandwichâŠright as I was literally putting the sandwich into my mouth to take the first bite, he said Iâm pretty sure you got my sandwichâŠand I said oh, and you just now decide to say something after you completely ate the sandwich you hadâŠseems so unnecessarily petty, avoidable, and ridiculousâŠthat set the tone for the whole evening âŠand this is only one little example of a multitudeâŠ.
Amen. Iâm a narcissist magnet. I care so much about people that I want to give everyone a chance and I often get taken for granted and stalked out by these people. I often got the âI donât remember any of that or saying thatâ. I got âYou look malnourished, Iâm just concerned for you is allâ. Then when I gained a few pounds âOh wow you are getting fat, Iâm kidding! I mean you look healthy, you look good! Dismissiveness and outright ignoring me when I spoke. So much more but I know what you mean when its hard to describe everything. The first two were so hard to describe, it was so frustrating when people would ask why we werenât close anymore.
Yet, anytime they choose to they attack me about my tone. I can't count how many times things I've authenticity said, I'm attacked for a perceived tone in my voice that I know isn't there!!
Now that is one mine got me with thoudands of times!
YESSSSSSS... WOWOWOWOWI... YESSSSSS.
Whew yes. They claim u have a passive aggressive tone when you absolutely donât đ
Omg Becky--your makeup looks stunning in this video sis!! đđŸ Absolutely gorgeous!! đđ
I am currently dealing with one and Iâm taking all precautions before filing as she is making all types of threats.Thank you for this content I canât wait for the day to be finally free!
Amen! Been with my narc for 19 years, and, according to him, I have been 100% wrong in 100% of the disagreements we have had. Seriously, 100%. Here's the thing, he says EXACTLY the same degrading crap each and every time. I used to right myself notes before the argument noting what he was going say, to help keep myself from being gaslighted. I would refer to my notes after the chaos settled down, and found it restored my sense of peace. I am dealing with a very hurt 63 year old child who was horribly abused by a narcissistic mother, and i can't fill the hole she left in him.
Iâm so thankful to have found this video. Iâm only 17, but I recently moved out because my narcissistic mother almost made me commit suicide. My father left long before me, but wasnât able to take me with him sadly.
Anyways my mom does a lot of the things you mentioned. She loves to purposely misinterpret things Iâm saying completely out of context. Then suddenly sheâs like: âOh, so itâs all my fault?â while crying to get me to feel guilty and say something like âno, youâre not doing anything wrongâ. Itâs driving me nuts, but it doesnât sound that bad. I have the exact explanation issue youâre mentioning.
Donât kill your self. Nobody is worth that. My son did this and we are all in pain. He had a rotten father and girl friend. Thereâs no coming back. To permanent.
AMEN ⊠seems the more time you stay away from them. The more clarity you have. ⊠Spending too much time with them puts you in a world of bullshit ⊠and you donât even know itâs happening .. both parents and my golden child brother had me on the brink of death and substance-abuse until I finally went to therapy .. my therapist suggested minimal contact .. itâs been 14 years Iâve pulled myself out of the sinkhole of torture and Iâm doing great ⊠they are completely awestruck and extremely jealous .. I think jealousy is the underlying current in their life and they will always steer you in the wrong direction ⊠today I just yes them to death and move on and pretend I never even had the conversation ⊠works like a charm ..đ
Amen. Before the discussion of narcissism, I used to call this girl-bullying because among girls and women, traditionally fighting had to be done under the radar...this being mean girl social fighting. When I first encountered a male covert narcissist I wanted to tell him he fought like a girl.
That's literally what they do đ
I know a guy who keeps labeling himself as a depressed trauma survivor loaded with empathy, but he's also said things on social media like, " How dare this person do this to me!" and "All my friends say I'm so generous!" and "Why do I keep having bad luck with girls?" All this, in addition to his toxic behavior, has led me to think he might be a covert narcissist. That's why I'm tuning into this channel.
the statement about how it sounds ridiculous when you describe what they do is so perfect! That's the part that messes with your mind... this thing just happened and telling someone around you - they shrug and say "so what?"
Thank you for this. I dont know for sure if my parents or my mother is a narsissist. But after i started in therapy and been digging in my past, i can relate to alot of this. Itâs been difficult telling about it because i also feel like i am over reacting and too sensitive, wich i have been told my whole life. So when i am telling this to someone for The first time, i am afraid they will think «is that so bad?» thankfully my pshycolog is very understanding and i feel for The first time my feelings are validated.
When you want to start recording your conversations so you can go back over the content and context to ensure youâre not crazy. Or bitchy. Or hypersensitive.
If you view the person through the lens that they are deep down a terrified person with the emotional maturity of a toddler and you have that âa-haâ moment.
Thatâs when you know itâs likely a covert narcissist.
Amen.
Once my mother was literally laying in the floor screaming and crying because I made a comment about how it would be nice to be able to go on the trip to meet her side of the family, the one she accused me of hating, even though we literally never saw them because they didn't live in town and she didn't visit them let alone take us. My dad said it was my fault for making her do that. I'm still baffled.
And when you hear yourself trying to understand and communicate with the other person yet they intentionally obstruct that process in every conceivable way then you see that emotionally they are a toddler but intellectually they are a sly fox verging on a wolf in sheep's clothes and have no desire to work as a team or come to any solutions together. The first revelation makes you feel sorry and reels you in if not careful and the second will scare you and make you feel sick. Thanks for your comments
@@amandachilds5290 it's so exhausting being raised in that environment. It's like being on guard every single second of every day.
@@missrose2686 yes and so sorry you had to endure that because it leads.to illness too. For some it is autoimmune and others it is just opportunistic illness due to that exhaustion. And with the illness can come more confusing behaviors if your coverts are a bit like a Munchausen by proxy type or the covert is also an altruistic narc who gets attention by appearing to be Florence Nightingale. I hope you are in a much better place
@@amandachilds5290 thanks, and I absolutely am in a good place now. I do have an autoimmune disorder and a genetic connective tissue disorder that kind of made her compete with me for more pity rather than subject me to MbP. I always get the feeling that I just barely dodged that particular attack lol
Yep - they are very good at sticking the barb all the while making out like they are helping you. One golden rule I have - if a person attacks my identity and I set my boundary, if they fire another shot - they have played their hand. One of the big issues for a lot of people who have been burned by these types of people - they forgot to be their own point of origin - they put others before themselves and that is like blood in the water to these sharks.
Well said!
Perfect analogy
Yes. As I like to put it: Pagans look for Christians because they need a human sacrifice. Christians need to understand that they're not called to be a human sacrifice because Christ did that once and for all. Maybe you're not a Christian, but the dynamic is basically the same. It's human sacrifice versus a noble nature.
This is absolutely true!!! The narcissist is now posting on social media that they are tired of caring and being embarrassed. These videos validate what no one else seems to notice.
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - Iâve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes!>> www.icanslay.com âš
Amen, Rebecca...One of my family members is a covert passive aggressive narcissist. He secretly colludes with others, talks nicely to me, but reveals in flashes, his aggression against me, by remarking his passively aggressive comments that he made to others in relation to me...
If you are so sick of the drama, trauma, and chaos- and want real powerful strategies for success - Iâve got the answer for you - sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- this is the day your life changes! Woohoo! www.icanslay.com âš
It is a million little things!!!!
Amen!!!. Your examples are not very far off from what I have heard from my biological sister. She has said many things that you can tell are based on jealousy, envy and just plain hurtful that your examples are very close to in retrospect. The planting of seeds has also been used by her as well.
They will always start to say that âitâs not my intention to do that!â
I've listened to your videos and some from other persons on narcissism. Great information all round. The more I tune in is the more I confirm, with all boxes checked, that I live with a narcissist and a covert narcissist one at that. Despite all the negative, fear triggering characteristics they seem to wear with pride, rather than running the next direction all I can think of is putting Shakespeare's, 'Taming of the Shrew" into effect. Hearing you say, "You can always shift the power dynamics with narcissists." gives me the booster I need to push forward while retaining a peace of mind. Thank you for this: )
Sooooo right. Mine calls it his âspy talkâ. He once told me itâs so that nobody can pin down what theyâve said to use against them. Now itâs funny because cuts so obvious and I could care less what anyone else thinks.
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and you look absolutely stunning!
"I was just being honest, it was not my intention to hurt your feelings."
She would always say things like, "You have to look at the intent" and "I would never lie to anyone; it's my perception of the situation."
She kept me second-guessing myself.
AMEN!! When your speaking to them and they say â uh huh, yeah, yeah, uh huhâ and they are totally ignoring you by saying that before youâve even finished what your saying.
"It wasn't my intention"...bingo!
That takes the place of any and all apologies...
Another thing that is constant is it's impossible for him to state his true opinion. If he thinks he knows what I want/feel/need, he'll mirror that, then when he finds out my true feelings, he'll flip so fast it's dizzying.
Thanks for the video!
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What about the olâ âYou hurt the ones you love the mostâ GAH đđ€Šââïž gross.
Amazing video!! Thank you for putting this true out there.It's agony dealing with a covert narcissist's constant attacks,whilst the world around you is oblivious to the torment you are being put through with the plausible deniability.Thank you Rebeccađđđ
They also undermine you, second guess, they start to really feel paranoid. I was with one for 8 months and it's been a year since I saw her, but I was saying something didn't feel right in the first 3 days I was with her. After 3 months I thought it was phone addiction, well that's what triggered everything especially when I asked her to put it down for awhile and of course everything got swept under the rug, but anyway in the beginning you're the best and they love hearing you talk, well at about the 2nd month, she had said to me on the phone" OMG you talk to much" so I called her out and she said I took it out of context, idk how to take 4 words out of context, they also cut off every conversation that you start after a little while, I mean every conversation, they are definitely sneaky about it and the smearing is incredible and like you said Rebecca, it's the psychological part's and effects. I remember she had told me to hold her phone for a week, I said that's not going to work, she said ok! "Then we'll do 2 wks" well that lasted 2 days and knowing about drug addiction and being very good at reading actions, when I gave the phone back it like giving a drug addict heroin and like I was saying through the course of the hilacious relationship that whatever's going on is serious. I can honestly say that, covert narcissist BS did the worst abuse on my mental health than any other drug ever did, she actually educated me on what my 20 yr soon to be wife was the whole time and know it's like pure hell after knowing what a narcissist is. My sister is one, my step mother, my 17yr old son and My so called Buddy I've known over 30yrs, that I basically cut off all ties with and I'll tell you what knowing what I know now I'm to happy go lucky, I can't be around one for more than 5 mins and I can sense them as well as they can sense me but if I can keep my mouth shut, I can really mess with them and it's hard for an empathetic and sensitive nice person to act like them, so if you can sense who they are first before showing them you're true, genuine self, you can pick them out in a couple of days and I think I got mine to leave me in 8 months bc I think I'm a super empath INFJ, bc she also told me I had anger issues bc of the way I would scream at her, well after looking into it, My kind doesn't like to be lied to and filled with enough drama and ridiculous excuses to last a lifetime. So the next time I see any signs I'm just running like they say, it's not even worth a one night stand! Yes you're absolutely correct! It's the hardest thing to explain and understand. Sorry for the long comment, I just have so much to say and my story could actually help others
15 years working with one. So exhausting. So very accurate, thank you.
In the case of my narc, she wouldnât have admitted to the error in years, she would have turned it on the target, âyou misheard meâ or âYou misunderstood me.â The big one I heard a lot was, âIâm sorry you feel that wayâ after getting vague and empty explanations for their behavior and how hurtful it was.
Itâs called a back handed compliment and they are masters at it.
Versions of these people are so maddening to handle. I agree it's impossible to explain even thinking about accurately describing the little pigeonholes he tries to pick me into it's taken me years and years to figure out what even happening and why it keeps playing out the same way when I keep trying to approach it differently. They really make you feel like you're going crazy and they're very good it knowing how to get you to break down eventually and just hate yourself for the whole thing
I cannot stress how accurate this is to someone I'm dealing with in my life. A close family friend, I've come to realise is one the most covert narcissists I ever encountered. He's Sooo passive aggressive, whenever I call him out on bad behaviour, the conversation ALWAYS ends with me having to return to therapy because I'm paranoid or unstable. Everything about this person is soo insincere and yet he's a practicing psychologist and in the public eye is seen to be so generous and caring but underneath it all he is unbelievably jealous, insecure person that is constantly saying hurtful things to be people close to him.
The most common Iâve heard from the narc in my life has been the typical absolute denial
âThat never happenedâ
âI have no clue what youâre talking aboutâ
âThat makes no senseâ
My favorite way to respond is typically something like
âOh Iâm so sorry you are unable to rememberâŠâ
â I understand and it must be hard for you to not understand these thingsâŠâ
âYes I know I am sorry that most things do not make sense for youâ
They never like being called out on a hidden sort of subconscious level because then they realize you are on to their BS at that same hidden level which means you are able to expose them and they know it!
Thatâs good! I need to use these. Thanks!!!
@@TonyaBrewton Please, please, donât. Those comments are even worse and more narcissistic and condescending/devaluing than the messages they claim they heard first. Itâs emotional immaturity responding to emotional immaturity. If you want to be as much of an abuser as your abuser, then by all means resort to those comments. I suggest to politely and simply call their behavior out and excuse yourself from the conversation till they can be honest or walk away completely.
*Those responses are đŻ passive aggressive in nature and what a toxic person or narcissist would resort too.
Oh that is excellent ! Thanks! I agree with the polite calling out! Just be prepared for the tantrum!
@@heatherstewart6603
Heather Heather Heather. sheesh. This is what is called reactive abuse to the abuser. Itâs simply letting the predator know that you know what theyâre up to. 100% no contact or gray rocking is always the best solution but sometimes when you have no choice but to respond and not to react to a narcissist or an abuser it is necessary to call them out on their nonsense. This is why I said the things that I did.
@@DistinctiveThinking
Yes, youâre welcome Miss Ann. I was not implying as the other person suggested to be rude or condescending. Itâs just a matter of being very direct and straightforward, and calling out the abuser for their nonsense.
"I didn't mean to cause you harm". I started throwing that one back in his face. He didn't like that.
Wow. Spot on! My mom says all these things
My narcissist always says hurtful statement and then when I respond he states I want to start an argument he's usually very loud when I say you're being he accuses me of being loud he's transferring what he does back on to me not much maturity find leaving the area most of the time.
What is happening before you try to start an argument? Is he just relaxing and then you come in and try to start an argument?
He sounds totally emotionally immature!
"Amen".. I just out of a 9 year relationship with a covert narcissist. I didn't realize he was a narcissist until I start doing a lot of research. I couldn't put up with it anymore. I feel alot better never since I left him and more happy. I'm ready to move forward with my life. đ€đđ
I literally can not beleve I found you. Thank you God for letting me find you. I have been questioning my sanity but the subtleness the covert narcissist uses is confusing and you are exposing them for that. Thank you.
Omg yes! I could never explain it, like being in a car wreck a lot of the time. Itâs a nightmare relationship⊠so toxic, but what a great teacher. Inner child wounds needing to be healed. About to go back into litigation facing my fears. Prayers from the collective! đđŒđŠ âš
My ex hated that as a teacher I got holidays during the year. He'd walk in and scathingly ask - So what did you do today? Contemplate your navel again! Not having his toxic presence in my life is a source of constant happiness!
It's great you left him! Pathetic jealousy!
Jealousy
The way other people seem to think the covert narcissist is great, as they lie about you and put you down, is maddening. Those around them actually seem to believe their lies as well. Misery loves company and some people love to hate, even when they know the truth... Thus, their comrades/fellow hater's, become their flying monkey's.
đŻđŻ
After 31 yrs, Iâve only had a name (abuse) for the shit heâs put me through over the last year or so. I spent years making excuses for his emotional/verbal/psychological abuse. Though itâs still very raw to know he could do this to me itâs so validating to finally know itâs NOT me!!!
Stay strong! â€
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Amen to the âbecause I careâ
It's like if they say "I am concerned about " they can say anything to you
Yes. They're always concerned. Nothing can ever be just fine.
Amen, âI was just joking.â Then Iâll have to go over and over a past conversation in your head bc THEY are just assuming IâLL forget the conversation, (but I didnât.) Narcs canât admit they were wrong , itâs beyond immature! At least thatâs what I always assumed an old coworker acted like that to me but was helpful and nice to everyone else where I was working . (she was just pretty stressed out, I talked to her years later, when I ran into her.. weâre still friends. đđ» not a narc)
I always found it odd that on Downton Abbey, Lady Mary says "you always liked a joke" was a bully's defense. Since Lady Mary could be a bully herself at times, I must say she was shockingly aware of the dynamics and nuances of the language excusing it.
Imma start saying to them what I say to people on the Internet. âOh, jokes are usually funny or have humor to them.â
But you know the funny thing is when youâre not around them, suddenly youâre thinking clearly. You can think of all the come backâs. You can think of all the healthy boundaries to have. And then when you are there, you are in their zone. You might start out with a clear head but then youâre tangled in the web. Glad I donât live with them anymore.
My momâs favorite when being held accountable âIâm sorry you feel that way.â
I often get, âthat wasnât my intention,â flat out denial, or we can agree to disagree
Yes! Amen! I was trying to describe my partner's behavior to my therapist and I even said exactly what you said- it's so hard to explain. It's hard to even come up with examples. Thank u for this video.
Amen and just like you said if you say they're narcissistically abusing you suddenly you become the suspect
"When I have to describe it, it never sounds all that bad."â
These examples of what the covert narcisists do and say are really spot on. Thank you.
100% spot on every word you say itâs like you were there with me when I went through so many of the fights and arguments and just the events that unfolded so I have to say thank you and these are an awesome series I hope I get to hear every one of them that bless you for taking your time to post these
Amen! On point! A red flag I picked up on is that they'll constantly try to constantly reassure you that they're never jealous of anyone or anything.
Like, overkill of reassurance.
Omg! Yes...do you know why they do that?
@@alwayspositive2896 I have no clue. Maybe them trying to convince themselvesđ€·ââïž
Yess
âI was just jokingâ
YES! The most very recent BS that Iâve heard from my alcoholic narc sibling
This person always has the need during every conversation to say âI know things too you knowâ âI know stuff tooâ âJust so you know I understand things tooâ ALWAYS a need to let me know that they know things because they need that validation and confirmation and without it they are absolutely nothing and empty as a human being
I had called out my sibling for always saying that and even mocked them and mimicked them as well about it for the shock value
The reply:
âOooooh stop I was just jokingâ
ya right LIAR
Alcohol adds an even sadder aspect. When sober (less and less often), they are funny and smart. A couple of BUD LIGHTs and out comes the RAGING CYNIC...or worse, if they're insecure and you are not. "Know your value; unlock your freedom."
Yeah I was only joking, u take everything out of context, you're crazy and I also heard multiple times "you're dramatic "and " no one ever leaves me I leave them " "ask anyone I always do this after a couple of months "
Same thing . I tried to kiss my ex and she turned her head and wouldnât kiss me, I later asked why she said â I was joking and forgot to ask you for one after â
Theyâre good at downplaying your successes while bringing positive back to them and attention back to them..
They are downright hypocritical liars and manipulators