INFJs as the Medic in Relationships
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
- INFJ personality types and INFP personality types are known for being natural healers. Both types possess strong empathy, compassion, and easily attune to the moods and needs of others. Because INFJs and INFPs have a temperament that is so naturally suited to healing work, they tend to attract people with wounds, and to be attracted to people with wounds. Usually, the more severe and unhealed the wound is, the more strongly the INFJ or INFP will be attracted to that person.
In addition to this, INFJs and INFPs are most strongly attracted to those who have wounds that match up with the INFJ’s or INFP’s specific healing ability. Because this is so second nature for most INFJs and INFPs, they do not often realize that many of their relationships, especially romantic relationships, revolve around trying to heal the other person’s wounds. This results in the INFJ or INFP playing the “medic” for a good portion of the relationship. It may be that half the time the INFJ or the INFP feels like an equal partner in the relationship, and the other half of the time they feel as if they are only there to patch up wounds and support the other person as they go through their healing process.
Frequently, the INFJ or INFP does not realize that this is not actually an equal partnership. Most INFJs and INFPs experienced childhoods where they were put in the position of having to assume the role of healer or mediator in the family, and so they have formed the unconscious belief that this is what loving relationships look like and they can’t hope for anything better, because this is all there is. Consequently, in adulthood the INFJ or INFP ends up constantly playing the medic in relationships and it ultimately ends in pain and suffering.
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You're absolutely right about the lack of healthy reciprocity in the context of relationships. We are the ones who are the sounding board, the one who offers consolation and perspective, the one who is told often 'I always feel so much better after talking to you', from those with whom we are involved. But it is almost never the same for us. I say this without self-pity, but unfortunately as a statement of fact.
Having grown up in a highly narcissistic household with *incessant* conflict, (and since having spent decades trying to "heal" this same broken individual only to lose myself in due process), I knew instinctively from a young age even, that relationships were not for me. Lone wolf keeps me sane and balanced, and most importantly, at peace. Burned , and burned out, indeed.
As an INFJ this is truly the story of my life
We are the support characters.
No, not anymore! I am so tried of that role, I am the main character of my life and if that means I have to be alone b/c no one knows how to reciprocate back to me what I have given them...then so be it. It's wholely exhausting living the way I used to live, so many health issues coming up and is there anyone around to tend to me? Nope.
@@rhambosia1 Same. People come to me asking me for help even when I don't want to do. It's so exhausting. 😮💨
I'm an INFP. If I'd known that these four letters would describe my entire universe, to the letter, I would've researched this into more detail a LONG time ago . 🥳
As an INFJ, my sentiments exactly
Too true. This need has kept me from what I wanted most in life, a family of my own. Not fully defeated yet but close.
When they didn't reciprocate I doorslammed them with a coldness of a sociopath!
The depth of care we are capable of is equivalent to the coldness of our response to behaviours we finally get sick of
Same 🚪
I did that as an infj too feel the feelings with them so they won't have to feel alone
Thank you for this. It is so me and very enlightening. I needed to hear this. Letting go of a 4 year old painful relationship with someone now. This explains s so much!
This isn’t related to this exact video but it’s your most recent and it’s important for me to convey that I found you through your Medium Article Titled: “INFJs and INFPs, Neurodivergence, and Lack of Focus” and it was such a good read I had to come subscribe immediately!
Years ago I took the Myers Briggs test before I knew I was high masking and was categorized as ENFP.
I WAS the life of the party and the one to make sure everyone was happy.
After spending the last year or so unmasking and removing behaviors that I realized weren’t conducive to my ACTUAL goals I noticed I was not only happier but also hyper aware of my actual “Truths”.
So I decided to retake the Myers Briggs again, feeling like it was the first time again because every answer felt genuinely honest vs my high mask assessment.
Final results were INFJ and everything I read about it sounds like it’s actually describing ME vs my ENFP results which always read as a “Standard” I thought I had to meet ><
TLDR:
Instant subscribe and Thank you for your knowledge sharing!
Can’t wait to binge all this enlightening content!
I love this take, and it's so true. Unfortunately, we do often get a great deal of our validation from how much we give to others. I've heard it said that quality time is usually the INFJ's love language, but I think it may be acts of service, it is definitely for me. Also, agreed, it is exhausting always trying to play the "medic." In actual medicine that means you are taking on a heavy load of trying to heal/ help someone, but who's healing you? Looking forward to the upcoming class, I'm sure I will benefit from it greatly.
I don’t need a medic , I can perfectly take care of my own health, thank you anyway ! 😊 8:19
fellow INFJs you gotta get to know yourself and your true personality traits and learn how to communicate BOUNDARIES. tell people you are not their therapist, that you need space and respect, that you have your own life to deal with, etc. Stop letting people use you.
Wow this is mind blowing
We can be all we want to be if we put our mind on it , I am not saying only INFJ can do thad , but thad is just how I understand that but we put a lot of energy in learning, different things , I guess we are very curious , 😊😊 thad is an explication for our Intelligence ! 😊😊 thank you 😊 6:28
this was so hard to watch I'm so scared now.
Ok trust issues I know you can trust an I N F J for sure 😊❤ 10:33
Why does this sound like me 😢 😳
ℹ believe honestly we are more than INFJ’s taking all in considering please 😊 13:13
IT IS A Little more COMPLEX THAD YOU THINK ! Maybe we are just interested in HEALTHCARE, is thad too much to handle !😊 6:20