ARE WOMEN REAL ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT? WHY DO WE FEEL GUILT AND SHAME FOR VOICING OUR NEEDS AND WANTS?
Vložit
- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
- Hey boos!
In today's video we girl chat about women being real about the things they want.
THE FEMININE YONI MENTORING
Book a session: thefeminineyoni.com/coaching
Join the Yoni Tribe! =)
THEM FEMININE YONI CZcams CHANNEL:
/ yanieiisha
PREVIOUS VIDEO: • KARMA? HAZEL E EXPERIE...
***************************************************************************
EMAIL ME:
BUSINESS INQUIRIES: realtalkwithyanie@gmail.com
*************************************************************
SOCIAL MEDIA:
Instagram @realyanie
snapchat @yanie_redd
Twitter @realwithyanie
*************************************************************
Frequently Asked Questions:
"WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY"
Height: 5'10
VSG Surgery Date: Feb. 2014
HW: 358
CW: 200
GW: sexy nake NO! I do not waist train
***********************************************
"NATURAL HAIR JOURNEY"
Big Choppepd: Feb. 2013
*******************************************
"PERSONAL INFO"
Age: 28
Hometown: Kansas City, MO
**********************************************
"Video Details"
Editing Software: Final Cut Pro X
go.magik.ly/r/yanieredd/1571c/
Camera: Cannon EOS T5i- go.magik.ly/r/yanieredd/1571a/ Ring Light: go.magik.ly/r/yanieredd/15716/
FTC SPONSORED by "NOT SPONSORED" - Jak na to + styl
Agreed with everything tbh. Just wanted to remind yall tho there’s some women who genuinely don’t want kids or wanna be married in this life 😭I’m one of them tf
And that’s OK!
So don't allow family and society pressure you into these things. This conversation can go into so many different directions.
yup
The reminder is not needed under this video.
Either choice is okay. And this is coming from someone who genuinely felt that way before... until I met the love of my life. We’re now married and expecting. The mind and heart can change over time. ❤️
I know this is a girl chat, but I just want to wish every black woman in the world to know your worth and live your life with peace and happiness.
❤❤❤
Want you to know that we love and appreciate you and the good men who understand us. 💖
@@halosandhorns8330 no problem
Aww that is very sweet of u sir ☺️❤️🥰
@@mightyme.makingitnew9979 thx
We are scared of having ‘high standards’ because we are afraid that just makes the pool even smaller and so we end up settling!
True. But I'd rather stay single than settle for less any day.
Exactly I been shamed and told me I'm going to be single forever
And the high standards you ask for aren’t even high standards they should be general standards and people make it seem like you’re not asking for much when you really not
@@bubblesactivated FACTS
@@bubblesactivated this!!!
It sucks when majority of the single women in your family try to live their life through you and project their fears onto you.
And it also sucks for married women in the family to project their fears on the younger female family members.
@@bluelily3514 project their fears and their disappointment with marriage.
Agreed. Ive been experiencing a lot of this lately in my family.
It sucks even more when the single women are married 😗🎶 (as in married but alone in the marriage)
@@ya.baldheadedmama97 TMH i'm not 😂happy my husband is a square...no kickin it with homeboys its just me ,him and the kids
My best friend is having a baby right now with a guy she has been living with for years. She was just telling me the other day how she’s been waiting for a ring and now feels like she had to wait longer. I don’t have the heart to tell her that he’s probably never going to.
Once you living with a man and being a wife to a boyfriend he won’t have the need to marry you because you already doing everything giving him the husband treatment when you not married to him.
@Bree Yah Nobody showed his ass how to NUT EITHER BUT SOMEHOW HE LEARNED🤦🏽👊😂
@Bree Yah there are no excuses, many of our grandparents got married in the 60s. At one point, black Americans had very high marriage rates 50 years ago.
@Bree Yah........this is so true omg, it the females , the males and their parents , it one big cycle of nonsense
@@That_girlAaliyah02 agreed!!
My sister shamed me all my 20s for wanting a husband. When I was attracting high value men. And now look at me . 👀 going to CZcams for guidance. Now she's married with with children. But all I heard was work on your life and career
In the book “the oracle , the queen , the princess and the whore” it talks about what you just went through how people will try to keep you down on purpose so you won’t out power them. I hope you’re well and have healed.
@@THATGIRL0121 Wow I now truly believe nah sayers can come in any form....family & so called friends.
@@THATGIRL0121 sad but true 😔
@@THATGIRL0121 ohhh sounds like a good read I need to check it out
You're fine so baby that high value sexy man ready to give you that ring and his last name is out there praying to meet you. Keep your mind, and protect it
I got pregnant at 18 with a guy I no longer wanted to be with. I was accepted to Clark Atlanta and was excited to go. At the abortion clinic my toxic mom and sons father begged me not to do abortion and she will watch my child until I was done with college. Long story short my mom didn't help and sons father helped when he wanted to. I got a messed up tummy at 18 and didn't go to college. I became really depressed and very stressed. My son is 12 now and would do anything for him but if I could turn back I would of listened to myself and not others. Never let anyone including family talk you into things you don't want to do.
Yes ma’am
Thank you for sharing your story and this is huge lesson for anyone to learn from. The message at the end of your story also made me feel better about always questioning stuff beyond my family and actually taking steps to work on myself without the negativity and criticism.
I understand where you're coming from but this is where you are now. The good thing is that you can still go to college. I took my son to class with me. I packed his dinner and snacks. He did his homework there. He took a nap until my class was done. It was hard. I faced eviction every month. No, it was not the tradition setuo, but I have no regrets and this might have been a better deal for us.
My son's father NEVER helped me with him. He said he would but he walked away. There are no guarantees either way. I am now working on my master's degree and my son is working and in college as well. But I understand where you're coming from. You can still choose what you want for YOUR life because he will grow up.
@@legslipsandlashes9831 I absolutely agree. I didn't then or even now have support not even from family. I am in a much better place now and will be attending school to become a lawyer like I always wanted to do. So now it's mother, student and coworker but Im ready to make a life so that my son will never have to struggle like I did. Thank you!
@@femblvd3114 Yes, I tell my story hoping it can help someone.
Got my abortion at 22 and didn’t think twice about it because I knew I deserved more than my circumstances. The situation was shitty with a guy who was my friends with benefits for 2 years who was scared of “titles” . First thing that went through my mind was my financial standing and how I nor him would be able to support this child . Next was the uncertainty of our situation, and last was my ambition to still explore the world. I was only 5 weeks so I didn’t feel any regret because I’ve always been honest with myself . 6 months after having the abortion this guy left left with zero accountability or responsibility for bills as well so I knew I made the right decision. Now I’m 28 still with no kids and I don’t settle for the mediocre joes . I’ve traveled more and lived in different cities/states that truly have made me the person I am today . I wouldn’t trade it for anything cause now I get to choose the life I want , not accept what life hands me like most. Signed a future millionaire 😘😘😘
@@cocosiren2859 if that makes you feel better then the answer is yes 👏
@@cocosiren2859 We all are afraid of being alone. Extend some grace to OP lots of ppl stay in bad relationships. It is hard to pack it up and go alone.
I appreciate that you shared this story and was comfortable to be vulnerable. I'm glad old you had enough sense to not go through with having the baby, and that you're doing well now!
@@_Kim_Possible not even realizing that after he left I was able to get so much done alone. best choice I made and was glad he dismissed himself so I could realize my worth .
@@HeyCourtneyJ sometimes the trash takes itself out!
Also we are in 4th wave feminism, which is the shift we are seeing especially with Black women divesting from white feminism and coming to terms with our own choices and intersectionalities even if they're are traditional. Its all about respecting yourself and not living for others!
I love this!
Yes, we sure are and I’m here for it. Sisters stay on code 💅🏾.
Its interesting that men can ask for sex on dating apps and not get banned..now let a woman ask for money Nd or security in a relationship she getting the boot ! . So the answer to why women feel guilt and shame is because they are shamed and guilted in society for voicing these things .
Men act like we owe them sex. They think they automatically deserve it.
@@laurawilliams4087 especially when Most of them just don’t even know how to lay it down.. audacity for me.
@@AnayasFav2436 Exactly smdh
These "dating" apps are really just not where its at. I know its good people look for an honest shot with other but most just look to get the lil beans flicked
Exactly!! Women have to start saying what they want as well. If they act crazy, bye!
When I was single, I kept getting shady men that approached me because I was taught a man is supposed to pursue a woman. I got tried of that, so I started approaching men I was interested in. I finally married the right one and we've been married for 15 years.
I’m here for this! I’m from Brooklyn so it’s common for shady and dusty men to approach you over here and I’m tired of it. I’m 19 and thank god I went away for college and it’s not an issue over there so when I go back on campus I’m definitely going to practice approaching guys that I might like
Salute to the both of you 😂
I think I needed to read this.
I agree tbh, yes you can approach a man first, but please don't "pursue" a man. If he's not interested in you, just move on.
When I tell a man now a days that I do not have kids, the follow up question is "Well what's wrong with you because something must be wrong or you're crazy?"
Which is so ignorant. I tell them my parents laid the blue print. I want to meet man, date/get to know. Eventually proposal, marriage and enjoy marriage, travel, etc. Then kid(s) later down the line.
Society has now made it seem as if something is wrong for wanting better for yourself and sticking to what you want as a person and what makes you happy at the end of the day. Being honest with yourself and not be unapologetic for it. Period.
Black American community you mean.
@@canesugar911 was waiting for that correction lmao
I understand, however just reading in between the lines , men naturally select women to bear their children , not ALL but most . I wouldn’t take it too offensive .
Lmao, really?your're telling me that a man that is interested in you responds with "something is wrong with you " because you don't have kids?..i don't believe that lol....are you older in age or something?
@@leondrajohn5841 I’ve actually had a couple of guys say that to me too on dating apps and I’m 25. It’s like my age and up everyone has kids so they kinda are shocked? Idk 🙃
I am 25, a virgin and single. I’m always getting criticized about my life. The fact that I know what I want, upset some people.
They are mad because you actually chose yourself. Good for you though I recommend hold out for as long as you can. Stay beautiful ✊🏾💯
I stopped telling people what I wanted and needed in life when I began my glow-up journey. Every time I opened my mouth, they had something to say. What about a man? What about kids? What if you’re not successful in this, what are you going to do? People claim they are looking out for you but when you begin the struggle on the journey they conditioned you to believe was right, they dip. They also express these “concerns” of theirs because they want to know how your life will benefit them. And that is not okay.
Yes. I 💙 your answer. And a amazing glowup to match
I got pregnant when I was 14 years old and had my baby at 15! Very very young! I would've waited if I could go back. But I'm very thankful for my experience just as well. 10 years later, I had my next baby 8 months ago and my fiance is amazing! He's an attorney so he supports me finically while I get through nursing school. And I'm very grateful for him. I prayed for a man like him for years! I didn't wanna date men anything like what my mom had dated!
Congrats girl on your fiancé and your new baby! Where did you meet him? I’m praying to marry a great man who is financially well off with good character/integrity and who will be able to take care of me while I’m in graduate school and provide for our future family.
As a feminist I’ve never been scared to say that I want to married before kids. The idea of feminism has been distorted. It’s about freedom of choice.
So many women make it seem like wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and wife means that you're lazy or you're waiting for a man to come and abuse you.... These are all coming from women who don't understand why a woman would feel worthy enough to have a man paid for her. They could never see themselves being fully supported by a man and so they wonder what you have that they don't 🤷🏽♀️
I don’t want any kids, never wanted any actually since I was a kid myself because traveling the world is my priority (I’m 37 countries in) and my man and I are dating to marry to own businesses and travel the world together. I’m avoiding allll of this generational trauma by all means necessary at 29. Women need to know what they want and stick to it and don’t get off track because society is not forgiving nor owed us understanding. Stay blessed ladies ❤️🙏🏽
Love this! 😩👏🏽
@@RealTalkWithYanie 🙏🏽 Love your perspective as always beautiful!
Girl what contraception are you taking? Im quite young but i know that i don't want kids. I'm scared that i might change my mind later so I don't want to do anything too drastic. What would you recommend?
Same. Children are not for me🤷🏾♀️
@@alexiepfeiffer145 I’m on Nexplanon (implant). Lasts four years, and I’ve had no issues!
Im not sure how i feel about Kayla Nicole being the breadwinner at 19 with a baby. Lets not forget they decided to get married when she got pregnant. I wonder if he would marry her this soon without the baby. If they divorce shell be paying him alimony. Hmmm I really think she grew up too fast.
facts 😩
I had no idea she was only 19. Wow.....
I agree! She moved way too fast 😬 I hope it works out for her.
@@SmileyAdventures same here, i thought she was older than me (19)
He did propose even before the pregnancy
It’s that fear of failure mentality. Most get what they think they are only worthy of. Since we haven’t had images like The Cosby’s to show us healthy black marriages, we have settled for the ride or die/baby mama roles.
LADIES IT'S YOUR LIFE LIVE IT HOW YOU WANT. DON'T LET ABSOLUTELY NO ONE MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR WANTING WHATEVER YOU WANT. THE WORLD AND THE SOCIETY WE LIVE IN WILL DESTROY YOU IF YOU YOU ALLOW IT. DO WHAT HAS YOUR BEST INTEREST AT HEART AND MAKES YOU HAPPY.
Right, but be thoughtfull and always think about the consequences of your action before
@@orange7666 I know. I always people to have consequential thinking before certain things you do you will have to face the consequence of it.
Facts
PERIOD !!! 💯
I would say that most women, especially black women, are valued based on how good we are at keeping and holding down a man. I have a toxic family and I’m constantly criticized for what I do, not because it’s wrong, but because it’s not attractive. I think that people are more strict against us because we are supposed to be ready to hold down anyone at any time, so when you have higher standards, it throws off the dynamic and people will think you’re a gold digger or boujee (not that there’s anything wrong with that in the first place). I know many black women who drastically lowered their standards because they just wanted to be able to say they have a man. You can probably guess how those relationships are going now.
HELL🙃
I think a lot of women don't trust themselves enough! Deep down we know what we want but we always think other people know better. The truth is only you know what's best for you and it takes courage to live up to your own expectations...But it's all worth it! Trust your intuition!
Girl yess, the whole movement like "you don't need a man" "I don't wanna be taken care of" it's all fun game in your early 20's but when you hit the late 30' it's exhausting!
I’m only in my early twenties and I know I don’t want to take care if myself and a whole family!😭
i had this when i was a teen up to last year, and my mindset completely changed.. i do want to get married and have children with my husband.. i dont want to be a single mother i watched my mom taking care of us alone i was inspired but now im like nope! i want a complete family
@@hiyd.y9787 I’m turning 19 soon and same honestly. My bf, 19 too is also talking about marriage and having kids which to me is a good sign. We know it’s not for now but the fact that he mentioned it showed me Im good for now.
I’m glad I can think for myself.
@@hiyd.y9787 same and our dads wasn’t around as much 🤦🏽♀️ plus I ended up calling my brothers dad my dad see this why I don’t go for having different baby daddies by different men it’s confuses the child
No, women weren't completely honest about what we wanted, why? Judgement, shame and misogyny. When women (especially black women) tell our demands and needs we are met with hate, belittling, dehumanization and condescending behavior. The reaction to that was originally frustration. Now the reaction is divestment, because the treatment for our truth hasn't changed but that doesn't mean we cant grow from it.
Yeah notice how if black women want a provider or taken care of we are "gold diggers". But those same dudes will marry another race and do all those things without question🕵
I want to say this to all of my fellow single mothers. We are worthy of love, but most importantly self love. For the longest, I thought because I was a mom before marriage that I wasn’t worthy of love from a man worth a damn, but I had to be real with myself. I’m a baby mama yes, but I don’t let that define me. It only defines you when you choose to stop there. I feel like a lot of people define Jayda as being just Lil Baby’s baby mama but she is so much more than that.
Thank you for these words of encouragement! It gets hard sometimes, but I’m learning to love myself and move forward!
@@jazzcbudgets Of course! You got this ❤️We got this! I’m still learning and still growing, but I know whoever I choose to love and marry will affect my child’s life as well so that inspires me to choose wisely. I’m 23 years old and my daughter’s father is 41 years old. That was a humbling experience for me. After that experience, it took for me to go through the worst to really know what’s best for me and my chunk chunk🍼
@@ya.baldheadedmama97 God bless you, sister 🙏🏾.
I haven't watched the video yet but I think women aren't honest initially. I remember in the 90's women were being told NOT to be expressive of your wants and needs because it will drive men away. I thought that was TERRIBLE advice. I mean...it will run men away but it will run away the men you don't want 🤷🏿♀️
Its like women have been conned
@@deenadream right...we have been!lol
My mom, I love her, but every time I mentioned that I wanted to get married, she would tell me to focus on school and career and that I don’t need a man. Meanwhile, she was happily married to my step dad. Now I’m almost 40 with a career and degrees. No husband, no kids. I was misled by my own mother. I resent her for that honestly.
But still you are in a better position than those baby moms who thought marriage was their priority.
@@karinahynes3520 Marriage was their priority and became a babymama, do not appear in the same story in the black community.
Your life isn't over lol you're only 40! Go find yourself a husband and have kids(maybe check your fertility with your doctor or adopt) if that's what you want. Live the life YOU want!!!!!!
@@ultraviolet257 can you explain?
Because most bw want marriage and kids but ended up settling for a dusty they thought was a good men.
@@tash936 Yes it's so many woman that are still good to have babies at her age and alot of adults I met had older parents, like they were 27 and their parents were in there 70s, some older ppl said it was the best decision for them because they had the foundation laid fincially/wisdom, time & patience
I never wanted children and wasn't really sold on having a husband but after getting to know myself and my worth and I came to the conclusion I do want a family of my own. I got married at 34 and had my 1st child at 36 I am now 39. It's never too late. I would honestly say my life leveled up when I got married and had my daughter because the grind hit different especially when you building with your husband for your legacy.
Ladies, if you do end up getting pregnant (no matter how the situation turned out of how it happened) and decide to not go through with the pregnancy, do not let your family or friends guilt trip you cause they definitely will try to do it. They will say things such as they will help you or they will keep the baby for you (like adopt) and whatever else they can think of just so you can go through with the pregnancy...nah. I think people do that to see you struggle with the life change. Especially the friends (who also have kids or no kids) who could be secretly jealous of you and want to see your downfall.
agreed! like they’re actually miserable deep down and want company
Wow this makes perfect sense. It really be your own family and friends. That’s why you gotta do what’s best for you regardless
@Lonely Pluto But what if...when you agree to use protection, the guy pulls the protection off right before starting the deed? That is automatically r*pe by deception and does It happen quite a lot. You consented to safe s*x, not to be deceived.
@Lonely Pluto "Keep your legs closed" um I disagree. It's terrible to reinforce the idea that not having sex = no baby (as if you're making a direct correlation or causation between sex and babies). The intention of sex isn't to always have a baby. You should be able to engage in sex (to feel good, etc) even if the intent isn't to have a baby or reproduce. People need to realize things happen more like ANYTHING can happen. Protection can break and as sweet brought up consent can also be an issue. Yes, there are instances where people don't use protection with/without knowing the consequences, but yet again by analyzing the circumstances around them then they still can decide to not have a baby. Mistakes do happen and everyone has their own story it's important to be graceful and understanding esp when WE might need it if we were to end up in the same situation. It's not always about bashing someone because you would never do that when really you never know what you are capable of doing or getting yourself into.
Sometimes it feels like trying to date a black man is like having a son. This black man I was dating told me he wanted a woman for emotional support and financial support when hes down, but then turns around and said he wants a black woman who is independent when I mentioned I need a man to support me emotionally and financially too.
@@Nekole1 yeh I broke off it with him he was just a user. He ended up using another black woman.. It seems only black women put with this type of behaviour with men.
Try dating out to see if you like it, if you haven’t done so yet
I'm so grateful for my father helping me understand how to be unapologetic about my desires and wanting a more traditional man. White women I work with all support the 3rd wave feminism and I love that for them but for me, I like a traditional family dynamic with my spouse. I hope I can teach my future daughters how to focus on only being true to themselves rather than living to make sure others approve of your decisions.
Amen
What is the 3rd wave feminism and also the 2 wave feminism please ?
I'm 19 and have been single since birth and I don't like being single right now, especially during the pandemic☹️ I want a boyfriend. I want someone I can hug, kiss, cuddle, talk to and love. I have family and friends who love me, but I still haven't experienced romantic love. Even though I've never experienced it before, I just know it's different. Being reserved and having social anxiety doesn't help either. Some days I just feel like I'm gonna die alone. I wish that more women would be honest about the struggles of being single. But then again you can be in a relationship and still feel like shit. It all comes down to whether or not you're vetting people who come into your personal space. I grew up in a highly competitive school district and didn't seriously think about romantic companionship until my senior year if high school. I'm a sophomore in college and sometimes still wished that I would have had a boyfriend in high school or experienced that a while back.
It’s never too late just use your personal discernment and be smart about who you choose to experience this with. Also, understand that most men at your age are not stable and they’re just playing games so just be selective. Most importantly hand fun but don't ruin your future plans. ❤️
I’m 19 also and I went to a competitive school and didn’t even consider the thought of dating until this year, but I have absolutely no regrets especially when I see the kind of guys that are around me at our age and even younger. I’m in no rush to date, I too just want that experience of being in a romantic relationship with a guy just to see what it’s like
Omg I relate I’m 18
You have time to experience that! It’s a want not a need. I know that’s not what you wanna hear. I’m 41 single college educated no children. My single best piece of advise is this... always always always listen to your gut and women’s intuition about these boys! If it feels wrong most likely it is! Don’t force anything with a young man. Continue to focus on getting to know you so you can be your best self when you meet someone. No matter when it happens :)
Girl, I’m about to be 19 and I was obsessed with relationships from freshman year til the end of sophomore year. I started to come to grips with why I was so invested in being in a relationship(let’s just say insecurities) around junior year. I don’t know if you believe in God but I had to talk to God about how I was feeling and stop trying to do things the way I want to and do them the way he needs me to. I can honestly say as a senior now, I’m happy. And I’ve also never been in a relationship but God has made me realize not everything you want is what you need. The first step is being honest with yourself about why you want to be in a relationship so badly. If you believe in God talk to him about it, FIRST. I used to think I couldn’t live without being in a relationship but now I can see myself being single forever and being perfectly fine with that. It’s possible to be single and happy. Anything is possible 😊. Self love is key and God.
I told one of my friends about what qualities I want in a man when I'm ready to start dating and she looks at me like I'm crazy or asking for something impossible. I have a decent salary and want a man to have the same, have his own and I won't have to build HIM up, no hood dudes🙅🏾♀️, mentally stable, likes exploring. She is currently with a hobosexual dusty and I'm speaking gibberish to her.
@@liyah1675 the light🤣
Hobo what 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭
@@Peacebewithu34 hobosexual - a person who dates you with the sole interest of having a place to stay. Their only form of payments is usually sex(keeps you hypnotized) and fast food (keeps your energy and health low).
Your gonna have to end up separating for her. I hate to say that but watch.
@@DorothyZbornak4 this definition is on point 🤣
Happiness over everything. I’ve decided I’m going to put myself first so that everyone around me can reap the benefits of my happiness. There’s not point putting yourself through hell for no reason
As a 27 year old, I feel like I’m still learning how to say “NO!”. That’s why the work you do is so important, even if it’s as simple as a CZcams video.
Especially black. Women we are. Shamed. For not excepting wack as men and having standards and expectations
That's load of bull. Black women are shamed for having children out of wedlock. Stop it.
Watching this whilst at work. I think it’s because women are always expected to expect less. And it’s easier to vilify women who know what they want than it is to make sure that women have standards and never put up with anything less. Especially because men don’t tend to live up to those standards
Yess I’m here at work like girl I can relate hard body
As a young woman, I have had to rewire and examine what I want for me outside of the influence of others. I think it comes down to being honest and loving yourself and acting on that love.
Also you look incredible and you make me think every time I watch💕
Thank you! 😘
I feel like this generation doesn’t really understand what having a baby really entails. I feel like i do & I’m not going to put myself through all of that without having security in a husband. Bc i refuse to change my life, body & mind forever for someone who is not going to help me with any of those things. I’m at the point now where a guy has to prove to me why i should marry them or have a baby for them. I have to be convinced to carry & have someone’s child. And i can only be convinced if I’m married bc I’ll be damned if I’m let alone to do all this shit by myself.
Same here! U said it perfectly. I’m in my 30s... single and child free .
🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣
A “Babymama” or a “Babydaddy” is a label that references how the EX partner feels about an individual that they no longer have any ties to aside from having a child in common. In other words, the title is used to reassure their new partner that they hold NO value over their ex partner, hince the phrase “That’s just my babymama/babydaddy” meaning they are nothing more than that. If you have a child with someone and that is how they view you, meaning they don’t care about your well being as the mother of their child or value you as the person who brought their child forth into the world, then that is on their spirit if they label you in such a way. As far as how YOU should refer to yourself, you should refer to yourself as a mother or a parent to children. That is a very important title to hold which puts into perspective the relationship you hold with another human being that you brought into this world.
People including family usually want what is best for themselves and their peace or what makes them look good not you. This includes determining your career, when you should get married etc to make themselves look good in society as the mother, father, aunt, uncle, grandparents etc to you to claim how “well that raised you” or your success.
No matter how much family loves you it’s usually conditional in some way because it’s based on their own needs so if it worries them for you to study or work in a foreign country they will convince you that it’s for your own good to be close to home for their own interests. Put yourself first to meet your needs and wants because you are on this Earth as your own soul with free will because even some family members are more like karmic family to teach us lessons about ourselves and make us love ourselves unconditionally while strangers can even be more like soul family at times.
Also most people will tell you what is possible for them not you and your personal journey. When I said that I want to be a housewife and marry a wealthy man who will provide every single thing for me including assets in my name which was my mantra for my own interests and journey in my life, the feminist and independent type women told me that it is sad or not possible for me even with my Masters and career which I did not care much for...
When I married such a man recently the same women asked me where I met him lol. Never listen to others even so called love gurus because they don’t know your journey, birth chart story, soul story, destiny and core. Trust yourself ladies.
I relate to this so much! Love it! I'm up next and I know women will be asking me the same thing. 😩😂
Amen
@@RealTalkWithYanie You are already there beautiful 💕
I absolutely agree with this. My mother who by the way wad and remains incredibly abusive towards me is always pressuring me to have kids, despite knowing darn well that I have never wanted kids. I'm 33 now. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and agreed we do not want kids. The reason she's pressuring me to have kids is because she wants a do-over since she failed my late brother and I, as a parent. Her guilty conscience is not my responsibility. Eventually the pressure and disrespect from her got too much so I cut her off. Do not compromise your future over someone who's already lived there life.
I am constantly shamed for being in my 30s , single and child free. By my family mostly. It used to bother me, but now I’m just enjoying life and learning from my friends’ mistakes. I am well traveled, ,educated, a homeowner, and I take care of my needs first. I’ve learned that there is nothing wrong with being a little selfish and making yourself a priority ladies! You won’t regret it
I’m only 21 and I’m being shamed by a couple of family members for not having a boyfriend and not having kids 🤦🏽♀️ like this isn’t the 40s or 50s I want to enjoy my 20s and 30s( honestly I don’t even want kids)
I’m not afraid to say, I want a traditional family with a husband and 2.5 kids and I would like to be a stay at home mom/ wife .I’m an artist so I can paint at home while my husband goes out and brings home the bulk of our family income. That is what I want and that is what I’m on the path to getting. I’m 25 with no kids yet and am holding out on kids before marriage but my plan is going smoothly so far. I have a man who has the same values as me and he wants to marry me. It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted. I used to say I didn’t want kids but I was wrong because it wasn’t that I didn’t want kids it was that no man that I was with was ever the man I wanted to raise kids with. Now that I’ve found that mine I know I do want to have kids, and thank god I didn’t have any kids before now. Every thing happens for a reason 🤷🏾♀️
God must have sent me here today...cause i have a interview today for a job making less money but doing what I really want to do, and It will make me more happy and in my opinion happiness is more important than a few dollars. ❤️👍🏽love this!
Congratulations 💕
🙌🏾
Congrats boo! Claim it and it's yours! 🥰
I think it’s important to recognize that people who can’t voice their wants are in need of healing. With confidence comes assertion. In worrying over how other people receive or hear what YOU want for YOURSELF, it exposes the insecurities you may still have for validation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with vocalizing your wants to the RIGHT PEOPLE. I would even dare say it’s necessary in some cases.
I don’t think I want kids, but definitely want a beautiful marriage. And I definitely will not subject MYSELF to being a “baby mama”. I’m always honest with myself 💯💯💯
The student loan payments after graduation are no joke! A lot of my friends were surprised how expensive their payments were plus the interest before COVID! College is not for everyone.
It might be the *Leo* in me but, I hate following others and have always thought for myself. I'm still getting used to people agreeing with me because, I was made fun of for *"wanting too much." Those same women are on here making these *gurus* rich off of stuff I said a decade ago, I'm just glad more women are waking up but, *ladies do not be afraid to walk alone.*
I’m an Aquarius and I was raised by a Leo mother, I feel you so much about not following others. I never have, I never will. My life journey is just that... MINE. You’re not asking for too much, you’re asking for more than the bare minimum, which is what women have been accepting for years.
I have the same problem as a leo woman
I totally understand and agree with what you said... especially in the intro/beginning. I’ve always had that mindset of wanting to get married first before having children for all of the known reasons (love, having my own unit/family, etc.) but especially for legal reassurance and some people today will really look at you like you have two heads, for wanting that, lol. I always found myself apologizing before i would say it too. Ugh. Not anymore though. Love your videos, Yanie!!
Yes!!!! Thank you boo! 😘
You are so right about being true to yourself. I was very depressed and under stress/pressure about my academic endeavors. I felt like I've been a failure because I thought I couldn't "do it", I've had severe imposter syndrome and felt like I only into a prestigious uni bc of affirmative action.
After having MULTIPLE talks with my advisor, my mom and my best friend I started to stand up to the reality of my academic career (a not so great GPA), my current life + what I want to come up with a plan on how to get back on track and now I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I'm working on my GPA, losing weight, exercising and I feel like I'm slowly getting control back in my life after tackling every problem day by day instead of lying (running away) about the problems I had AND actively building up my self-confidence.
Just random advice about going back to school/advice about being a life coach I would strongly advise going to an accredited 4 yr like state colleges bc they have lots of majors and are credible with HUGE alumni networks! Majors I think you would like are: biobehavorial health, sociology, political science, rehab + human services, etc. Good luck, we believe in you no matter the path! I love your videos and advice!
Loved this! Thank you for the advice! 😘🥰
I love that Jayda is honest about not wanting to be a baby mama and how she would’ve did something differently. I remember she made a post about the downside of being a baby mama in the past and people dragged her for her honesty...
My first comment here! but yes girl...you must have a best friend with a baby because I agree on all fronts. Having a baby made me re-evaluate my whole life situation. I’m married and doing pretty well, but the physical and psychological toll is heavy.
my hubby always wanna buy me expensive gift for my birthday but he knows me . I always tell him if your gonna spend 1K on a bag or jewellery for me i rather use that for the rent or bill or give it to my parents. instead of buying an expensive gift. only thing i accept that expensive are perfume and makeup thats it. I can't Justify a 1k purchase.
You are lucky I keep coming across men that dont even want to pay for a date.
@@laurawilliams4087 me too.
Yesss sis looking snatched
Thank you 😘
She always come to the 10ssss darling! I love the representation.
Marriage was never on my to do list 🤷🏾♀️and that is ok we need to normalize that as well. There are a lot of unhappy woman in unloving marriages because they are afraid of judgement
My parents sabotaged my acceptance to the university program I wanted and then pressured me to accept my second choice (their choice). I did and then fell into a depression because I was unhappy and dropped out twice. They were so pissed off.
I eventually went to school a third time, graduated with a diploma, got a job that pays well, and now they like to take credit and brag to their friends as if they supported me all along. Paying back the debt I accrued from studying something I never wanted took years because I was working barely above minimum wage jobs and living on my own.
Don't make decisions for yourself because of other people. I'm going back to uni now, but I'll be receiving my Bachelor's 6 years and thousands of dollars later than if I was able to go in the first place.
Yes. This is so important. Thank you for talking about this. We’ve been socially conditioned to be in this hustler mentality as women, and although it comes with its perks, are we even really happy?
I'm happy but you guys stay safe Though
@@0fficialselena__90 lol, you the hustler. You stay safe. 🤝
I strongly think it's only/mainly us bw conditioned to feel shame & keep quiet to voice our wants/needs & that we should even be complacent or accept w/e thrown our way & be "happy"
100% agree with this post
We don't say what we actually want and follow through with it because of our own insecurities and wanting to be accepted by others. We seek approval but we are in denial of such. It takes courage to speak up and stand up for yourself. Also, its hard to accept the possible rejection.
So relatable my kids dad mom once told me girl you better keep this house don't let him put the next female up in here I'm like gurl no I'm get my stuff together for me and my kids forget this whole situation cause I deserve better. I even told him yo people can have it ion want it at all I wanna be happy I want my kids to be happy. Ion care who in your family not happy bout it one cause it's your people not mine two it ain't they damn business
Love this! Listen to your gut! Put yourself first! I’ve started creating my own art not making much money at the moment but it makes me happy! Everyone’s timeline is different! Don’t compare!
It's sad because I do want it and I'm still scared to say it verbally. Like I can't fix my mouth to say it.
Yell that ish to the top of your lungs. You deserve to get what you want.
I agree! A dream can most definitely lead to your actual purpose In life I believe God is dealing with me on exactly that!
Y’all this video is for me!!! I literally get shamed by family and others because I don’t want to have kids out of wedlock. I refuse! I want a heathy union. Idc who says what and feels however anymore. As I got older, I realized it’s my life, no matter what anybody says, and therefore it’ll be my responsibilities. Society is toxic. We are divine beings. We know what WE want.
Same here. I get shamed all the time ( mostly by family and friends) about being single and child free. It’s as if it’s a bad thing to be single and to not settle for anything.
@@Ms.Tamara_ yesss being shamed for not being another statistic (single babymother) is so toxic. I’m so over it.
This hairstyle on you TO ME is the best I've seen on you. Compliments you beautifully *Chefs kiss*
Thank you, thank you! 😘
The sooner we’re real with ourselves the sooner we can course correct
I got married before i had my baby now we’re getting divorced 🥺 nothing is promised.
You look absolutely beautiful and are glowing... continue to shine bright and continue encouraging our young sisters to love themselves and the importance of self care 💕
Thank you, thank you! 😩
Morale of the story do what it is that you want to do and makes you happy.
Disregard what others want you to do or what society expects or pressure you to do. Great video and I’m only halfway in!!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Thank you very much Yanie. This helped realize I’m not alone when it comes to being a college student and the pressure from families no how they overlook our passions.
Absolutely agree Yanie. People prioritize the craziest things. I love this look! You’re gorgeous as always.
Wow this is so true! I’m 26 and I just got real with what I want in all areas of my life. I thank God it’s never to late.
I’m all about sex after marriage because I want have kids with only one person and a person I love and I rather share my body with someone I truly love then someone I’m no longer gonna love or fall in love with for a short period of time
Always on point queen! Thank you for having these open honest discussions!!
This goes for lots of other things too. I used to let family tell me what I should be doing career-wise... what I should major in in college... etc... and it led to nothing but unhappiness. Just in general, no matter what it is, we should all follow our OWN paths of happiness and not let other people decide these things for us.
Yanie I love your channel and your transparency, this is helpful to all women. And we all should work on speaking positive life and energy into 1 another. The older that I get the more I realized how helpful it is. I am working on my own business. I am excited and I cannot wait. 😘😍
this video is spot on. I always feel guilty about wanting what I want. learning how to not play with or confuse the universe like that.
Yannie, I’m 15 and you are refreshing and your honestly inspires meeeee
Thank you for being honest. This video of you telling your truth assured me more as a young black woman. Thank you.
I love it when I see younger and older women who find their voices and choose to be true to self.
Thank you so much for these videos Yanie. They are so helpful. I’m in a situation right now and I pray that I build up the courage to vocalize exactly what I want.
I feel it's important to be honest with what you want and don't settle for no man if he don't want to get married or have kids leave him alone.
Great commentary. Very eye opening.
Yess for the girl chat!! You look gorgeous dahhling!!
Thank you 😘
@@RealTalkWithYanie 🤗🥂
Lord knows this is exactly what I needed to hear today!
I absolutely love this video❤ you are so right!
People gotta be careful dropping everything at once to “be real” tho bcus I’ve seen it, you can mess yourself up
Thanks for this inspiring! These were awesome tips ❤️
Men are always shaming women especially in our community. We are told to hold a man down. The older generation believes that . . The younger genz will voice out and they say you're wrong. They try to change you to believe only what they believe. I get that a lot from older people .i get shamed too from most men. I still stand by my beliefs. At the end of the day Men will say what benefits them to stay at the top . You need to use your power to gain what you want , don't accept the bare minimum.
Good point of view. I like your thought frame
this was very inspirational talking about the dream and vision god bless your heart
New subscriber, thank you for the messages you bring. 🙏🏿🙌🏿
Beautiful as always yanie
Even when I'm achieving something, there's always people bringing up that I could do more or the next best thing. I had to learn that even people who mean well can't see your vision because they're not meant to, your vision is for YOU!
When people try to tell you what you should be doing, don't be disheartened or offended, just say "thanks for the info, I want to focus on this but I'll keep that in mind" or "yes that's definitely an option" or "I'm not in that place yet but you've given me something to think about." Acknowledge whatever pieces you want and throw out the rest without feeling the need to explain/defend yourself. Saves you a lot of arguments and also means you can be open to receiving advice and different viewpoints while staying faithful to your original values. Sometimes people are just overzealous trying to protect you from their own fears/mistakes. Obviously this only applies to people you love and respect, and even those closest to you can be on a need-to-know basis lol
I absolutely love your channel. Keep it up
Thank you 😘
I'm going on 32 still have my V card. Honestly I'm becoming more and more asexual with age. I just wanna make money and travel maybe love on the way, but I want things to happen organically, I don't wanna feel pressured because my b-clock is ticking. If a kid happens it happens if it doesn't it don't.
This!!!
Yesss speech 🎤 coach
Yanie got an good point. I'm gonna ask my man to get me maid and nanny services. I ain't trying to do no laundry. Walmart got some nice clothes, let me get some sweater jackets on clearance.
Very insightful message..Btw I’m 18 going on to 19😊🦋♥️💗Yr the best Yanie!!! I think as you get older in life your value change exponentially. I even noticed modern day men don’t want women with certain flaws especially if they over weight. Guys also need to keep in mind not everyone women is hypergamous.
This video needs more attention