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#FridayReminders 34: Gentle Counsel (20:44)
#QuranReflections by Talha Ghannam
Podcast: anchor.fm/quranclub
App: www.quranclub.org
Website: www.otpok.com
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فَقُولَا لَهُۥ قَوۡلٗا لَّيِّنٗا لَّعَلَّهُۥ يَتَذَكَّرُ أَوۡ يَخۡشَىٰ
Speak to him gently, so perhaps he may be mindful ˹of Me˺ or fearful ˹of My punishment˺.”
(20:44)
When ordered to confront Pharoah, Allah ﷻ commands Prophet Musa and his brother Prophet Harun; "Speak to him gently". Here was one of the biggest despots and murderers of all time, and Allah ﷻ commanded gentleness.
So much is written about this verse and its importance in how we speak to other folks, particularly our enemies. In the age of Twitter, people write provocative and often insulting tweets about others just to get more followers. We no longer consider the other person and the impact it has on them, but instead we write with only ourselves, our popularity, and our ego in mind. Little do we realise we are drinking a poisoned chalice; if we gain the popularity we seek, we will be victim to the same toxic culture we helped propagate when no one knew who we were.
When speaking with or advising others, our foremost concern should be their welfare and receptiveness to the message. Anything you say should be measured by how it will be received by them. Speaking harshly or even directly often closes people off from listening to you before you have even said a word. How many uncles “advising” in a masjid really had the impact they had hoped for when they spoke to you? Instead, the principle we should hold onto is;
1) How will that person receive your message?
2) Can I justify before God what I am saying?
They are the intended person you are seeking to benefit, so consider how they will receive it, not how you will look saying it. Nowadays, people feel the need to speak out on every issue for fear of how others will view them; an egocentric motivation underpinning your counsel could not be more contradictory. Look how gentle Allah ﷻ is with someone who said, "I am God", then enslaved, tortured and killed an entire demographic of people. Nothing anyone could do is worse than this, yet God commanded we treat them gently. We do not ignore their wrongs nor brush them under the carpet, but we figure out the best way in which to advise them in order for it to have the highest potential of change.
So how do we deal with aggressors? How do we redress wrongs without violating the sacred boundaries? I once heard a preacher proclaim “لا غيبة لفاسق - There is no backbiting to a fasiq - an open sinner”, using it as a licence to speak freely and insult the leaders he deemed oppressors. It never sat well with me; how can insults be religiously sanctioned? As I studied further, I realised this statement was intended when bringing someone to justice, seeking counsel or warning someone who may have dealings with them, permitting you to speak of someone’s ills when you are seeking remediation. If you know someone is about to fall into the same trap as you, you should warn them before they are burnt as you were. It is not a free licence to talk about anyone you deem an open sinner, and certainly is not permission to tweet endless memes about them.
It’s worth mentioning the modern celebrity culture that exists today and the gossip, banter and mockery that surrounds them. Whether it be a footballer or influencer, journalist or politician, their fame does not give people licence to insult or degrade them, regardless of how much they get paid or how successful they are. Many celebrities have spoken of how difficult it is to cope with the barrage of slurs and comments that come their way through social media, having a major impact on their mental health and wellbeing. Imagine missing a world cup penalty, and the first worry you have is the insults you know are coming your way. I couldn’t imagine the pressure that must come with being in the public eye knowing that a single slip could posterise me online forever with never ending torment heading your way. Those writing often do so from a place of envy, claiming; “they sacrificed their right to privacy when they stepped into the public spotlight”. This is not an Islamic principle. Public scrutiny is not the same as public insults. Reasoned debates even on the most taboo of topics is welcome; this is how you promote understanding between cultures and societies and allow truth to emerge. No crime is greater than disbelief in God, yet Allah ﷻ sanctioned it being discussed openly through a public challenge against the magicians. He never allowed mockery or insults to be a part of the same rhetoric.