The Disguised, Hidden Messages Of Narcissism
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- čas přidán 27. 09. 2023
- Narcissists want you to think they have it all together, but they don't. Dr. Les Carter explains how they are unable to be honest with themselves, which means they will send all sorts of unspoken messages to you with the intent of gaslighting you. Once you learn to read their covert messages, you can stay free.
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You can’t have a rational conversation with an irrational person.
🎯 exactly!!!
You make sense.
No wonder it always feels wrong around self-centered, narcissistic people. Sadly there is no communication or confrontation with them. They just blame you.
Yes, there is not way to communicate with a narc in an honest productive way. They are snakes and always will be.
So true. They'll mimic your kindness and generosity, so that others think they're Wonderful. Then they'll shift the blame, or twist your words behind your back to make you look like the idiot, or the crazy; when they're Beyond crazy. 🙄🙄🙄 💗💗💗
They don't realise. We're not as daft as they think we look 😉
Haha, this really makes me laugh😁🤣
By the way, the Sociopath always gave me this double message (now I've learnt that this one is a backhanded compliment), "You have a wonderful and clear handwriting, but you can't deal with words very well!"
I haven't watched this video yet. I'm curious what Dr Carter will say about the hidden messages.
Have a fine evening & have fun 😉❣🤗
@roxymovie3938 Thanks Roxy 😊 🙏
And you 🎉❤️
Gaslighting and lying are a normalized communication style these days.
Sadly yes, it's become so pervasive that people are becoming numb to it.
I agree! Thank You, Facebook, for your "contribution" to this! 🤣😕
If a narcissist never learns to stop playing their game of shame and blame, one day they have to face the truth of their own punishment. It's very sad.
They bait you into something then deny responsibility
Yes, they do. Baiting was a favourite game because I'm stubborn, he used to say to me, "You know what I love about you? Your stubbornness, I only recently know why. Supply right.
This chat group is a great group of people to support each other! So sad to hear how many people are suffering with these people.
Join in, Kari. We pick up strays all the time. I tend to log in 45 minutes to an hour before the stream, and many of the other “regulars” show (30 - 45 minutes) early to catch up on each other’s lives.
I know right and doesn't it seem we are outnumbered by them
Is there a link for the online support chat link? Thank you.
@@animalityreality964 if you catch a live or premiere, chat is open during that stream.
My narcissistic "mother " wants nothing to do with me now that I've got her figured out, and no longer playing her manipulative games. She's on a complete martyr/victim trip and I've set my healthy boundaries, so she's chosen to eliminate me. What's really sad is that I am adopted, and it's taken me through a life of chaos. I am 57 years old and I finally choose peace, and love and God first. I put it in God's hands because I can't fix her or the relationship I can only learn to heal.
We can’t always choose our parents - the courts use parameters/standards of good and stable parental models that don’t fit the realities of emotional stability - but I thank the Father in Heaven for his Son, Jesus Christ, who made a way where there is otherwise none. The Lord be with you on your journey to wholeness.
You have a big family in Jesus. No loss there. If fact it is better to separate sheep from goats.
@@MCGamerD Amen.
@@pepperjones7559 I was born in 1965 and it was a private adoption. I found my maternal biological family at age 34, and learned that my biological Mother committed suicide 15 years after giving birth to me, she was forced to give me up, and my biological grandmother said she never got over loosing me. It's all very sad.
Thank you for your prayers.
Also, the push to give me up for adoption came from my biological father's side.
Same here with my bio Mother and brother. They discarded me when I broke free. I’m 68 and choose peace and joy.
My family members who display these traits used to leave me so confused. Only this personality can claim multiple unfiltered thoughts out loud that oppose each other yet, are unable to recognize it. The validation seeking is very prominent, their regulation and ego are so fragile.
“Go away! I hate you! Leave me alone!” Not too far, or you’ll find out how much better life is without them. But not more than they hate themselves. But not for too long, because they need your supply more.
… Just a guess….😊
I actually told the narcissist all that and he still kept coming back so I pushed for the discard and I’ve been stress free ever since. I only have one more narc to get away from and to move out of his house and it’s soon.
😆💯👍
Because I questioned fact that narc had left a letter to his wife who had left him, where he stated his heartbreak, and a phone call where he ended 'i love u very much' to her, he tried to bait me with 'you hate me' why don't you kill me'?! At no stage had I stated or insinuated this! Projection from this narc demon!? As I was in bathroom getting ready to leave well away from narc, he called thru door to find out if I was unaliving?! Never given him cause to think that!! I had only cared for that demon!! Well away from this entity, thanks to God!! Love to all survivors here!!♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Too many times hearing “if you tell anyone I’ll call you a liar” and watching her use information to manipulate my brother made me realize that my mom is legit a narc.
Yup….
OMG! That is my story too!!!!
Same best thing I did was No contact her & sibling s. Rid yourself of the toxic people & beautiful, genuine souls fill that space.
Dad would lie to the cops!
My step mother would tell my dad in front of me and my sisters that she only is staying with him for the sake of her son to grow up with both parents because she doesn’t want him to end up like us who she called worthless. He ended up in and out of jail, divorced, on drugs, and full of tattoos. (Her son.) So much for putting others down to lift yourself up. I’m glad she left my dad as soon as her son turned 18.
All of the hidden messages are summed up with “me me me”.🙄🙄🙄
A hard thing about this topic is survivors of trauma were taught to lie to keep peace/avoid abuse/protect themselves in the face of chaos…and hearing so often how narcissists lie it is one of those trauma responses turned on a trauma survivor to keep them feeling like they are in fact the problem, not the abuser. I hope you can touch on this in another video one day, it’s disorienting
Sympathy for people who experience this.
This fear that they are guilty of what the narcissist is being accused of makes (other) people defend the narcissist as “imperfect but still good” because they’re thinking of themself.
Dr. Ramani is a great source for urging us to not "play nice" and "be the bigger person". I love Dr.C, but Dr. R is stronger in teaching pushing back and not accepting mistreatment in the name of "keeping the peace".
I was the scapegoat in my fundamentalist family and it left me destroyed. I found a little dog and for the first time in my existence my life was blessed by genuine love and a sense of belonging. I've just discovered she has a massively enlarged heart, and looking at your little dog in the background, I wish she and I could just escape together into a beautiful garden forever, where we are never parted.
I'm so sorry for the health problem you've just learned of. I understand that feeling of wanting to escape. Nature's curse is that pets' lives are not as long as their owners. You clearly love and find comfort in your cherished dog. Enlarged heart to hold all that love for you❤❤❤❤ you are not alone.
Peace to your pup. 🐾🐾🐾🐾
Is there anything that can be done for your beloved companions heart condition. I truly hope so. Love to you both ✌
Narcissists are 'touched' touched with evil. The ever-present need to confuse or cause hard or
hurt feelings could only come from Satan.
The beginning of the end came when I finally woke up and realized that I was being played for over 18 years. It was so freeing to realize that I wasn't crazy and I have since gone low/no contact (thank you COVID, it made it much easier) and I have peace. I learned to trust my instincts and stay away from people that don't feel safe.
❤
You are doing important work kind sir. I am grateful to have found you on youtube. Your teachings are so so helpful. Thank you very much.
You are very welcome.
“I never said that.” Sheesh the gaslighting. I dealt with this for years. I literally believed that my memory was deteriorating so I just assumed that I couldn’t trust my own memory. I think it helped make my me work sharper because I put a lot of effort into remembering word for word what was said.
Once I got to that stage, then it became about my tone, or turning the last portion of one of my statements into me putting that person down, which I would feel the need to defend. An hour or two later of this I had no energy to keep fighting and would just give into agreeing to disagree.
At first, giving in and agreeing to disagree was good enough to end the conversation. But then it became not good enough to my ex narc. No. I needed to agree to her methodology of thought. Absolute mind control. These sick people. I must’ve been such a headache to her for constantly holding her accountable. Good, a narcissist nightmare in the making and didn’t even realize it. That was 13 years ago that I went gray rock (for my mind’s sake). Couldn’t fully ghost her because we share sons, and THAT is another story…I’m publishing this year.
I've experienced this too man, excellent breakdown
I learned that my memories were from their photo albums. The photo album un ms were overly important to me. I figured that out when my husband took me to see my old neighborhoods.
The handful of memories I have are traumatic like getting hurt, being afraid, or crying from it.
My ex told me that I wasn't very tolerant. I actually don't know how I put up with him for so long 🙄
@@amandaliverpool3374 Wow! A very telling statement, I might add.
You said it!
I thot I couldn’t ghost bro because of Mom living with my husband and I.
But he’s stopped communicating completely.
We have one more hurdle to get thru with help from attorney and we’ll be done.
Learning terms like gaslight, ghosts, just makes me laugh at terminology for this era in life. I’m gettin too old but want to learn.
Integrity. Respect. Civility. is how our my immediate family works. My parents family. NOT!
Dad lived in drama situations and went on for years until everyone was exhausted. And could not stand being around him.
You may get targeted that day.
Dad died!
Brother I carrying on his legacy. He’s perfected the twisted lifestyles.
He can be so nice until he’s sees that you don’t believe him. He gets into your face up close and spit when he talks. Wearing a mask around him is wise!
He accuses our grown kids of stealing something and then said he didn’t. The kids were so upset with us behavior they are done.
Which way is it bro?
Truth never hide itself!
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth. (Buddha)
My Dad always told me, "The Truth always comes out in the end."
And later I learned that the Truth doesn't require a defense, it defends itself.
@@danielkaiser8971 Your dad told you wise words and you are right that truth does not need any defense. I always tell myself that the light is stronger than any darkness that surrounds us.
It's taken me awhile to catch on what I went through. Too bad I fed the monster. Your videos have helped me tremendously. Thank you Dr. C.
I love the way you worded that;
" Fed the monster." Wow.
Truer words were never spoken!
This is my experience. I was supposed to be a mind reader! Plausible deniability and implied hidden messages. I wish I had been sharper and able to leave.
Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know… how could you?!
Ha! Oh yes, the mind reading. They expect you to know exactly what they're thinking and feeling whilst they don't give a damn how you feel
I just want to cry. Everything you have described is happening to me. They will never change and I don’t know how much longer I can stay in this relationship. God only knows why I attract these people to myself. I have problems of my own. Depression, anxiety and poor self image. I’m very tired of the queen and servant game. I have been the suffering servant my whole life with family friends and so on. Where are all the nice people?
Cry, if you need to cry, David.
You are right, they will never change.
The queen will continue playing her mindgames with you. Best is to break the relationship if you can and stay no contact.
You propably attract these people because you yourself were raised up by disregulated parents.
Hope you will find a way out to get some peace and the support you need.
All the best to you, David 🙏💛🙏
Some of the nice people are either still stuck in a narc relationship, or have gotten out and may never be comfortable with dating again.
David, we are a virtual community, yes, but a group of people trying to figure it out with each other's support. You are why I do the videos, and you are what #TeamHealthy is all about!!
PS don't think I don't feel for where you are. I hope you find the strength to get out of your relationship sooner than later. Staying around just adds to your emotional damage. You ARE worth being treated better than this.
The more you heal, the easier it will be to see ALL people for who they are, good and bad and everything in between.
Please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself moving forward. You've been through a lot. One day, one step at a time.
This is how they make you feel crazy. I'm shook.
Yes the confused state of constant games. It's frustrating.
My mother had to constantly tell me and my brother how smart and superior she was to....well.....everyone! She had a ridiculous saying - "I can put you, your brother and everyone on this block in my pocket. I'm so way ahead of all of you!" Meanwhile, she was the dumbest person I knew. She didn't realize that we could see right through her thin veiled exterior. It's like she was a child where a child says something so ridiculous, yet thinks they are saying something so grown up, but aren't fooling anyone. Finally one time I had enough and when she said her line about putting us all in her pocket, I told her to stop, as she's lucky if she could put her own hand in her pocket! From that day on, she would preface it with "I know you don't believe me, but" before saying her line. Showed me that finally standing up to her had really gotten to her! She was an evil, vile woman!!
And even so, true or not... she'd still be the only one out of pocket.
Our mother would tell us that she was perfect!After repeatedly being told how dumb I was, I still knew that wasn't right and there was one one that is perfect....God's son.
Exactly, the unspoken but said without word makes it that you can never pinpoint nothing to prove your point and so on the surface they always win.. good to get crazy
"I want you to think like I do."
It took me a few years to see the disdain, I am a little slow. I had never seen it, I went along to get along, It took me several years to really understand what was going on. I got the I do not want you in my life or my husband's part finally.. At first it was unbelievable pertaining to my dearly loved family, but BAM, it was a done deal and I still do not know why for either one. All I know is I lost 3 precious grandchildren. You know when the husband goes his mother and father are the first to go when there are grandchildren involved. Strike one, but this certainly does not endear the grandchildren. They have lost half their family.
I am currently battling stage 4 lung cancer. Even that does not deter my narcissist husband from bad behavior. I am in the process of moving in with my daughters, thankfully not my children with the current husband. Thank you for your straight talk. I get neck cramps from nodding in agreement with you.
I wish the very best for you.
My mother is also going through stage 4 lung cancer...living with my narcissitic father. He's mellowed in his old age, but my mom doesn't tolerate him much anymore. She snaps at him when she's annoyed, and I don't blame her.
My father also has to play up his illnesses when my mom is doing really poorly. It makes me angry, but he has dementia now, so trying to tell him how I feel seems pointless.
i am sorry for what you are going through. I am glad you have daughters to help you. I don't know you, but I have love for you in my heart.
I hope you are doing as well as you can, it's a fight but you are worth it. Every success to you in your battle, we are pulling for you ✋✊
@@bereal6590 Thank you for your encouragement. It means so much to me.
Praying for you, friend! ❤
You just described my sister to a T. She can exhibit all those traits you just mentioned in the space of a half an hour or less. The sad thing is that no matter how well you understand narcissism or know how to deal with it, the narcissists will never change and it always comes back to getting away from them. Such a strange disorder. When I interact with my sister and see how she functions in the world, she seems insane. Thank you, Dr. Carter, for another great video. Your videos are a great comfort to me as I continue to have to deal with these extremely difficult and damaged people.
You hit the nail on the head with this message.
Disdain towards me. I’ve been his target for years.
When My kids were little he would invite them to do outings.
Did not show up!
One time he took them.., never again! A camping trip with little kids and all adults there got stupid falling down drunk. I’m thankful no harm came to our kids. The only good thing from this my kids hated the drunken lifestyle to this day.
He lied to me about what happened.
A few years ago he told me I HAD to trust him. A command. This was the big red flag he was on a path that was intended to harm my space.
I’ve never trusted him. And now one in the family does either. They’ve figured out his game. And encouraged me to stay disconnected with him in any way.
Trying to make that disconnect permanent.
60 yrs of sharing the sibling life that’s so destructive, I have to divorce the situation.
In the middle of it legally.
No More lies and passive aggressive tricks!
This has directly affected 4 families.
I am the one he targets so I have to get permanently away from him.
The others are done with him, no more contact. Done with the accusations and hostility.
No contact works
Is there ever a moment where a narcissist ISN'T emotionally dysregulated??? I thought they always are emotionally dysregulated 24/7/365 but the difference is, one is lashing out their toxic dysregulation and the other just has it bubbling and simmering for the moment WAITING to lash out. But isn't it ALWAYS there at ALL TIMES?
Unfortunately yes.
The narcissist-spectrum (Cluster B) most association with emotional dysregulation is BPD (borderline personality disorder), but all of the four Cluster B disorders involve some emotional dysregulation at least sometimes. It is through the dysfunctional/maladaptive behaviors that narcissists attempt to regulate themselves. All narcissistic disorders are on a spectrum, and so it is possible that people who are lower on the narcissistic spectrum will sometimes have moments where they are sufficiently regulated like people who are not on the narcissistic spectrum. But the dysregulation always, always, always comes back and the pattern continues for the person's entire life.
Dr. Les, please at the same time, discuss that "psychologically punching down" doesn't work well on a more emotionally mature & psychologically whole person.
Discuss that "psychologically punching down" doesn't work well on a more emotionally mature & psychologically whole person. (whether on or by a NPD person or not)
That's is why a NPD Narc person matches up with & marries ppl who are weak emotionally; so that they can degrade their self-confidence even further to control them without impunity.
Sense of Entitlement YES.. he literally told me “I would rather hurt your feelings [mine] than someone else’s”
1:40pm ET Dr C you are 💯% correct. He disassociates from me, has no empathy, in the past when we used to speak, he would say “What do you mean?” or “What are you talking about?” Lives his own life.. I feel so abandoned.
Keep learning. I'm pulling for you.
Your explanation of narcissism, and its indicators, is remarkable.
I show your videos to people who seem to have significant others with these sort behaviours
So pleased the videos resonate!
Those hidden messages stifle the soul.
My narc told me, "What you see is what you get with me" Lol!
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for this video! I just found out a friend of mine is probably a vulnerable narcissist. She always looks like the victim and is super insistent on using friends to support her and spend hours listening to her, while she is absolutely unwilling to support others emotionally.
If they know you have some strong and reasonable arguments, they communicate mainly through attitudes and avoid under all circumstances a normal conversation. So you're supposed to be a mind reader.
Don’t bother 👩 there’s no one home 👩 who wants some one else’s terrible two year old 🤷♀️
@@caroleminke6116great way to put it.
Don’t play their game - I had a friend that would say she would be home - and then not be there, or once I showed up - she would say she would be right back & run up to get something from the store or always running late. Guess what - I left & went home . Told her my time is just as important as hers.
And told her I’m not waiting anymore. Believe me - she stopped the bull crap asap.
" you're not eating that bean salad with enough respect "
A really great hidden message I experienced was zero acknowledgement.. so basically turning their head to any accomplishments, or passions of mine.. for an example I’d post morning inspiration on my IG story he would never watch it, but liked everyone eles’s things.. 🤔 i happened to send him a video of an amazing sunrise I went to.. no response to it… I sent him a picture of a turtle I saved from the highway he told me I’m taking it away from its family. Just fun stuff like that! 😂😂 that’s the process of devaluing… when I confronted him he told me I live in a fantasy world!! Well I guess that’s a better place than hell. 🎉
Today, my ex spouse called me a narcissist over OurFamilyWizard. We've never used that term in conversation before. She got really specific with the symptoms, and she's not a mental health professional. That's how I know her therapist diagnosed her with NPD, and she was going for the preemptive strike. 😉
I was called a narcissist by a narcissist. After researching, I found out what it was and it was her.😮
Projection!!!
This seems to be a really common tactic that narcissitic people use.
I really wanted this video! I've dealt with narc behaviors from many people all my life, and being able to clearly interpret the statements they make is so helpful.
Thank you Dr. C for your insight! You have been a great light for so many!
Same here. I've had a lifetime of what I didn't realise was narcissistic abuse from various individuals 🙃 At least if you make sense of some of what happened in the past, you can navigate the future. Good luck, friend 💜
I exclaimed out loud when you talked about going to them with a problem or a perceived issue.
If they don't see a problem or an issue, you become the problem.
A few years ago I had a big disagreement with an old friend that ended our friendship. He made a show in front of a group of people regarding our disagreement, my friends, and everyone there stated that he behaved like an immature jerk. when discussing this with my narcissistic brother, he stated that it wouldn’t of happened if he was there, and that I have to accept that the old friend is the way he is. He made the issue about him and how his insight would have saved the day. When I told him that I couldn’t believe he was siding with the old friend he began to gaslight me and say I was making a big deal out of nothing and later said “I don’t know why we’re having this conversation”. After a decade of his narcissistic abuse I put firm boundaries on him and a month later he moved to another state. This example is one of the more subtle things that he did to me. I’m at peace now and on team healthy!
Dr Carter..can you explain how to counter the tendency to never feel like apologizing ever to narcissists. Because they are so accusatory and critical, you dont feel like showing any vulnerability by apologizing even if you may be at fault. Its a lose lose situation whereby no one budges. It creates an impasse. How can you deal with this?
Thank You Sir.
💐😊🎉
Assumptions,
Projection,
Entitlement, Audacity, Gaslighting, Manipulation is
so widespread, it seems, that it's become an epidemic !
I had no idea the mind games snd mind manipulation people play until this last couple of decades.
What would be,
to most, unacceptable behaviour in the past, is common today. Maybe I was just naive.
It truly shocks and saddens me.
Although *None of us are anywhere near perfect,
We *Can* live with honesty,
pure-intention, integrity and authenticity.
It has been my life's experience to do just that and when I leave this world, I will leave with a clear conscience.
I feel very old fashioned and out of place in modern society and to be honest I'd be worried about anyone who doesn't !!
Humanity needs Healing.
Healing of the HEART & SOUL.
Thank You for
Your contribution.
Thank you for Sharing Your awareness, understanding, and common sense, practical advice.
It is
Much Appreciated.
💐🎉💐🎉💐🎉💐🎉
Authentic people believe others until they run into a contradiction. Empathetic people brought up by narcissists are used to feeling kindness towards narcissists, and so malignant behaviors are what we are used to. It takes a long time until the “courage” that supportive people see in us is something that slows us down in recognizing nasty violations of boundaries.
The narc managed to eliminate everyone from my life. He had no friends so I wasn’t allowed any. He had great fun because I had no clue. Once my family were treating me funny I knew they believed whatever they were told. So my old life is gone and I am done with people. If someone wants to be my friend it’s because they want something, or they like messing with people (narcissists are everywhere)
It amazes me how much there is to say about this pathology.
Truer words have never been spoken. Thank you Dr. C.
You are very welcome...thanks for the encouraging words.
Hello from California Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community. I had a friend that was just like you have described. I am so glad God took her out of my life and I was glad to see her go. She was so jealous and hateful of me which I never knew until years later when another friend asked if she was still jealous of me. I was so surprised. She is much worst then the Narcissist I married. He is still too much though and I could do without him too. Thank you so much Dr. Carter for this video. You are a blessing to us all.
Seriously 100%. She absolutely would not show up for plans, or come very late, even though I traveled to see her. Then she would gaslight and say we didn't have plans and that my personality was jacked because I was upset.
Teresa- wow! You are perfectly describing my mother as well!
Just saw this, Daphne 🥺🫂
I'm in tears. Again, I have to walk away from the people in my family because of fear.
My dad said he was afraid of 'doing something wrong'.
She was just feeding his insecurities.
He walked outside without her as we left, and he is so weak.
I wish I would have got out and hugged him again! 😭
It reminded me of him leaving us (separation) and me thinking NO!
I'm crying angry tears but I guess that's better than no tears at all.
@@t_nels 💓💞hugs, Teresa. You are a wonderful person & u r positively moving forward. Everything u share is so helpful and inspiring. Thank you😊
@@DaphneBlake-gu5tw Thank you for the kind words. It is starting to take an edge off knowing that others have been through the same and that it might even cost losing everyone to gain ones self.
Absolutely and thank you it's relentless.
Yes
When ever I’d explain back to narc what I thought he meant, he would always retort with ‘your words’.
I don't understand how narcissistic people are allowed to walk among us.
I recognize all what you've saying here in my husband behavior. I feel like I'm going crazy ... hes told me over and over I'm the problem. If i don't say yes to everything he explodes and throws divorce in my face. I'm from a different counrty and he threatens to send me back if i upset him. I feel so lost and scared. I can't even walk into my work place without criticism of how i enter . Feel like I'm losing my mind.
Boy, oh boy! Right on target with ALL of this. Holy cow, YES!!!
This sadly sounds like the majority of my life lived with my husband... and unfortunately, a lot of the behavior like this did not become apparent until AFTER WE GOT MARRIED! He told me during a counseling session that when we were ready to get married, he had decided that since he 'got me' or had my heart, that he would continue to behave "as if he was a single man".... without walking back his oath for commitment and exclusivity. Had I known that before our wedding vows, I would have cut him and our relationship loose and in hindsight saved me 21+ years of abuse and heartache.
Yes. My late stepfather treated me this way.
Same here. It has affected me greatly.
What you see ain't always what you get!
Hidden messages within their conversations too. They are actually putting you down when they make statements, but use phrases that will include, "some people are..." or "did you hear about blablabla...how stupid is that?" The lust goes on & on. Some stand out more than others, but none the less, still are there. 😉👍♥️
If your parent constantly says that they are the best of the best and the best their workplace will ever have is this absolute narcissism? She has a history of saying how much better she is than all the people she works with and how badly they need her and she doesn’t need them. The irony of it is they will call others gaslighters when they themselves are this way too. Recently, she told me that she wants to reach out to my husband’s mom so that she will look good to my husband and gain favor from him. It seems like everything is about her all the time and she always mentions her need to look good to others. She never wants to reflect badly on others. It just feels so phony. It honestly frustrates me so much. Am I crazy or is this narcissism?? I just need confirmation because of all the years I’ve felt crazy from the things they’ve said
A form of hypnosis. Such a critical time of the year to keep this technique in check. Thanks, Dr. Carter.
My ex narc was very skilled at gaslighting …my “mantra” became
DENYING the TRUTH does not CHANGE the TRUTH
Helped to keep me sane
Wish I had known that line a long time ago!
I am so impressed with the questions & comments from team healthy members! Thanks!
Love it!
Thank you Doctor, you are truly saving lives. I wish there was a Discord where we could all get together and chat
Keep learning, and thanks for letting me join you on the journey.
Doctor Carter 🥰 , I hope Gus is well 🙂♥️ , Doctor Carter 🥰 when you tell them they are Narcissistic when they actually did something narcissistic they call you a narcissist
Thank you Dr. C for all your videos. My hearing today wh some2b x, has left me with C-PTSD. He works for DOD and threw me to the curb. And now smears my name. Your videos help me hang on. Thank You! 13:59 13:59
I will listen to this one at once a day for a long time, I love it! Thank you Doc! And Gus boy!
Glad this one hit home, Fred.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Thank you Dr Carter
as you and many others have staed dr Les...it is like dealing with a child, petulant at that...oh and without the ability to reason....humans distinctive trait setting us apart from other animals.
"Yes, but I'M important!"
--nothing hidden about that, was there?
All of this is what I have experienced. I listen to your videos a lot because I deal with it regularly with extended family and it helps to hear once again what they are doing. I have gone no contact with most of them but others keep coming back with their own tricks in texts. They refuse to let go of me, I hate it. I want to be left completely alone. It would be easier to block them from everything if my husband would see what they are doing but he does not. He always has an excuse that they don't mean what they are doing. I have to covertly avoid them.
The malignant in my life played out the movie Gaslight. He worked at making everybody know I was despicable. But what was hard is the ticking of disapproval so I felt defective and stupid.
I would love to see a video talking about narcissistic affair partners and the things they do to the betrayed spouses and their cheating partners
my mommy . like an adult child.
Just love seeing GUS !!!
He is just gorgeous.
Thanks Dr C. For your information and help.
Our pleasure!
Wow you description is almost scarily accurate of a teacher I had long ago, who's daughter and friends are still in my social circle. I did learn good stuff from her, but never understood the disharmony I felt. It likely skewed her information. Well it certainly skewed my understanding of it. Her many flying monkeys are still adulating her.
Question, can a raging narcissist actually do good in the world? However inadvertently? Or at least more than the damage they do?
The key is that doing good doesn’t cancel out the bad. It’s not math. If you feed a starving child and punch another child in the face it doesn’t take away the good of the one or the bad of the other.
If you feed 2 starving children and only punch one it still doesn’t calculate like math. The good and bad both happened. Nothing is cancelled
And when the narc both feeds and punches the same child, albeit at different times and for different reasons, lordy. Hi mom.
My former next door,"neighbor," was Relentless then Vindictive to me for 8 mos. 2 ppl warned me about him, but they never defined what a narc is, & I couldn't define it til recently. Today, others still call him a nice guy... Then I tell them, don't let that fool you. He's in his mid 70's & retired last Jan, & living next door to him, I was his closest Target. Since he's home all the time now, he has more time to play his games on people. I never fell for his games, antics, & That made him angry. It Didn't Matter what my reaction was. If I was kind, he'd twist my words & lie about me behind my back... So I went No Contact. Then he got mad, bcz I quit talking to him. I was told he had ocd. Yeah ah. I call it Pathological Lying. he keeps his apt & yard spotless, but his heart/ if he even has one; is Full of garbage & Lies. For 2 1/2 yrs, he told me lies about other people who live here. I always say, So what ?? We're All adults, & that's none of our business. Since I never fell for those lies, he started Lying about me... 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🤷
Evening Dr.C and sleepy Gus thanks for the info i have to laugh now im out of the last one ...
Spot On, my neighbours exactly, has done all this consistently, non stop.
I found there was a strong emphasis on an imaginary group identity - which just happened to be a reflection of whatever suited the supreme overlord. We like this, we don't like that, we think this, that option is not for us, we always do this. A kind of hive mind where there are no boundaries, and divergent preferences or different goals would attract raging abuse wrapped in wailing victimhood.
The message was, "You are not a person, but an extension of me".
Dr. C, I so thank God for you!
"But it's my show! I'm always right no matter what! I can't afford to be wrong because like I said it's my show!!"
So says the so-called therapist to --
My narcissitic ex's new wife reached out to me yesterday. She is seeing things that concern her, and decided to finally talk to me. I don't know how to move forward. I want her to know the truth, but I I don't want to scare her or seem like the bitter ex.
Dr. Les, I tried to do something nice for the narcissist(call with pleasant message) only not to be acknowledged. I gave up on bothering with him. A relief, but saddening. I am taking care of myself to make up for the void. I deserve better than this narc of a dad!
At some point, you accept the truth about who they are, then you concentrate on being your best version of yourself.
Dr Carter, you have literally helped save my sanity. I’m dealing with 2 narcissists who have disdain for me and if I were ever to say anything they would deny it to the hilt. They’re joined at the hip and I try to avoid them but it’s not always possible. Thank you for all the reminders about their gaslighting and games. I won’t let them steal my peace as I’ll remember this video. They are toxic. Can’t be fixed. 😮
I'm glad to be on the path with you!!
“ I never said it! I never did this! “ or worse: “ you did not understand what I was saying “ snd here comes gaslighting …😳
It's non-stop.
Toss them all in the same hole and fill it in ...... or just go ‘no contact’. My life has never been better since I went ‘No Contact’ but the key is to make them think it was ‘their’ decision 😅😅😅
I worry because although these podcasts help me with the narcissists in my life, some of these behaviors I recognize in myself too. Am I a narcissist?!?!
Be a better mother substitute 👩 that’s the truth 🤦♀️ why bother with someone else’s 2 year old monster 🤷♀️ I just gave up & went gray rock till he left…
No Two year old is a "monster"
Thank you for all that you do. Bless you. 🙏🏻💙
You are so welcome
Narcissists are experts of using language as a tool to manipulate and their whole communication system feels like a cryptograph, something that is coded.
I remember that reading just one or two sentences from the Sociopath could already make me so confusing and moreover I would always look for those hidden coded messages behind the written message. And even the spoken or unspoken messages, like the expressions of the body, the gestures etc. were so irritating and I was always looking for an answer, a key beyond.
The hidden coded messages as I now understand are no more than using triggers, the push buttons, basically based on shared past experiences, speech acts and the data gathering during the love bombing with the result to keep you constantly on edge, not being aware what is actually going on - with them.
Oh yes. They're sooo clever and we're just dump! Lol. Take care❣️🙏
Good cop/bad cop behavior is simple manipulation of you
@@amandaliverpool3374 of course, we are dump - because we did not go into the school for manipulation😅 Now we are in detention to figure everything out 🙄🤭😁❣
@@caroleminke6116 They are just bad cops because a good cop would give clarity and protection 🙃😉
@roxymovie3938 oops I meant dumb! Ah well you know that 🤭
Your expert knowledge and wise advice are invaluable dr Carter. Thank you. God bless you❤
You are so welcome
Perfect! Hit it all along.