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an honest update on how i've been feeling
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- čas přidán 15. 08. 2024
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Lashes literally just take you to 1000000000
This is actually a very good video. We are all fucked up to some level but most of us live behind a mask. Thanks for being open, this video will help someone realize that they are not alone.
your hair and makeup lately has my buss quaked
What's new Bussy Cat?! Woah woah woah woaaaauhhh!
Leia Bellinger oh my god some one needs to make a cover version of that.
Idk if you checked your go fund me but you made your $4000 goal, congrats mum💞
I was going to say that! 🌈
😍
Is she your mom? I'm confused?
I'm confused you called her mom but technically she can't be a mom?
mr crock2095 adoption exists
Gurl you need to get your hormones checked! When my estrogen was too high I felt like this. Do you take progesterone? I wasted lots of time seeing psychiatrists to take care of this and nothing worked then I finally addressed my hormones in a more proactive manner and I’m so glad I did!
Have literally convinced myself I have Rabies. Girl..... anxiety is something DIFFERENT. My anxiety makes me depersonalize & panic, I totally relate. Youre not alone!! You got this, one day at a time
This video is so real. I’m fifteen and I got offered meds for my depression a month ago and I thought it was weak and stupid, especially after all my friends telling me not two. But I have a psychiatrist appointment on March 6 now and I’ve realized that it’s ok to need help, and you’re right that it is strong to admit that. You could never really understand until you go through it yourself. Thank you, I feel like you are my online voice 😍😍😍
You are fifteen-it is going to get so much better ! I promise if you go for help and keep trying no matter what you will see such improvement. It's a rocky road and being fifteen in itself is hard enough but with time and effort it will pay off. I am much older and I got help only 10 years ago but I found that if you can find a support group *not group therapy- it helps a lot. Best Wishes, love !
theRoseofmyheart aw thank you ;D
Love u girl.👍💕 (im feeling f**ked up too) who else?
dee bee me sis
🙌
"i thought i almost dropped my Juul in my tea"
i love u
thanks for being vulnerable with us and talking openly about mental health. i hope you find some stuff that you like and make you happy and peaceful.
You look beautiful doll. Haven’t even watched the whole thing yet but had to say that. Love you Victoria 💕💕💕💕
I was recently diagnosed with derealization/ depersonalization due to trauma. I also have other mental health issues I’m still battling. Giving a name to the things that are hurting you can be so helpful. Now when I feel myself checking out I don’t feel panicked like I’m going to lose my shit. I hope this appointment gives you all that you hope for. You deserve to feel some relief from all this.❣️
I completely understand where you're coming from. The last couple of years of my life have been a struggle with my depression, anxiety, whatever lawl. Something that's helped me in these past few months are daily affirmations. I'm not gonna say they're a cure all, but they have helped me with my: self-worth issues, coinfedince issues; you name it, we serve it. Do you want it to go or dine in! Lamao Sending you lots of love, postivity, wishing you the best!!! 🤗 💖💖💖
I feel u girl. My mental health has been rough lately. Good luck at the psychiatrist 💖
It’s great that you could see your problems I think that you are brave keep going on and you will get there,keep going you will get to where you are happy 😃 thinking of you x
You got this girl! I am proud of you for taking a hold of your mental health! I had to do the same a few years back, got on meds and it has changed my life. You seem to have very similar symptoms, I can definitely relate to how your feeling right now. I'm manic depressive (bipolar) and went thru many of the same stuff your explaining. I can't wait to hear how your doing after your appointment! It will feel so much better to get a diagnosis, you'll be able to familiarize yourself with the disorder and really take hold of your mental health. I am rooting for
Girl I appreciate u posting this so much. it's intense how u will be going thru the same shit I hate you are going through it, but on a selfish note its great to know I'm not the only one enjoying 5%. Ly keep going girl
Hobbies are so important. I’ve never been depressed in my life, but it’s felt like it recently because no job for the moment and I do nothing all day... fuck it’s mind numbing and suffocating. Hope you find something Vic, love you 💜
Something to think about, you may be eating something that is causing your hormone therapy to over fluctuate, kind of keeping you in a constant P.M.S state, example grapefruit juice makes the absorption of estrogen and progesterone ineffective (common issue with birth control pills). When estrogen is too high or low, things don't go well for anyone. Therapy is a good choice in any case. So happy you are being brave and so open about your struggle, by sharing it may help someone else who is in the same or similar situation.
This is lit how Ive been feeling, today I started going to a psychologist (srry 4 my bad english) and I really wanna do better for myself, everyday I feel like crap but I dont wanna feel like that anymore! To everyone feeling like this, I HOPE EVERYTHING GETS BETTER XOXO💓
Thank you for updating us Victoria. I'm really proud of you for being so vulnerable and honest. That holds more power than you know. Also, its nice to see other people struggling with such severe mental illness. I'm not happy to see you struggling with it, but I can relate 100% and I know how tiring it can be. I also know how painful the feeling is when you want to do something you love so so much, but you just can't bring yourself to do it because of your brain telling you otherwise. Love you xoxo
I love how real you are and I love your videos.
I've had depression and anxiety before and definitely remember that feeling of waking up to a thousand thoughts and anxieties and with almost nothing to enjoy. I got weekly therapy and implemented a technique my psych suggested called ACT and got a whole lot better with persistence and trusting that it would work. I hope you find the thing that works for you. I reckon you will and you'll find enjoyment in life again
love you & proud of you for getting the help you need!!!!
Girl, If I could hop into that skin suit for a day! You have brains, personality, health, youth, beauty & love! You are rich in all the most coveted things (most of which can’t be bought). I hope you find the path out of your own head sooner than later & enjoy your immensely gifted life.
You make me smile so much. I LOVE your personality! I wish you realized how valuable and great you are. I want to let you know, I do feel happy the vast majority of the time. It is possible! But you are one of the parts of my life that makes me happy!
Yas mama bussycat queen of speaking out on mental health! For real though, as someone who suffers as well this is really inspiring.
My heart goes out to you. I hope you find your happy sooner than you think!
You’re on your way to changing it!!! You got this, girl
Hey girl! First of all, I love your videos so much and my wife and I binge watch you literally all the time. Second, I have bipolar and was misdiagnosed with depression/anxiety for a long time. Antidepressants just made me feel WIRED or super anxious. Once I got an accurate diagnosis everything got SO much better. Once you actually know what's going on with your brain you can develop the tools you need to take care of yourself. Whatever you are going through, I hope you get the answers and medical info you need to feel better and enjoy stuff again ❤️
The thumbnail looks like she just flipped the monopoly board after losing
You got this! Everything will be okay. We ❤️ u. Be strong!
it’s so good to see such a real, honest person on CZcams💘
you’re glowing 😌💖
Yeah i am thank u
hope u feel better soon queen 💕 make sure you write down all signs of mania and how long they’re lasting, my mania is rapid cycling so it’s for a few days and happens multiple times a year. if you’re having delusions then that’s important to note too. in regards to a hobby to relax you, I sew and knit, it’s like a form of meditation for me cause in the few hours I’m making something, that’s all I’m focused on. crochet stresses me tf out so I stay away from that. I hope you figure out what works for you 💜 ps. congrats on hitting your FFS goal on gfm!
Love you so much. I feel you 100%. I am disassociated every day. People who experience trauma often get deralizations/depersonalization. It was really scary for me for a long time until I started therapy and understood why it happened. Your mind is super powerful! Channel that into manifesting good things into your life. I know exactly what you mean about convincing yourself of stuff. You have so much strength and power within, so hard having anxiety control that power and not be able to focus on what you want to do in life. I totally understand. I struggle with the same issues for a lonnngggg time. I also think a lot of stuff that might have happened to you/me/anyone affects us even though we are not aware of it. I thought I was depressed due to genetics or something for so long until I started therapy and started realizing how many small and big traumas affected me as an adult. You got this, hoping therapy works for you! We are all here for you!
This made my soul happy even though I’m sad about where you are right now I have a lot of hope for you and feel less alone. Have a good night love ❤️
Trying to find the right psych meds is such a process. My sister has bi-polar disorder and it took years to find the right meds to bring her out of her downs and not bring her too high into a manic epidode. It has taken years and a few different doctors but she is finally on meds that work for her. My point is to stick with it and don't give up because it takes weeks to months to even see the effects of some of these meds. But I know her meds, her strength, and her perseverance are why I have my sister back. Good luck!
literally every time you post a video my face just lights up! you’re so beautiful and I don’t see how anyone could dislike your videos. you could literally post a video staring at the camera and eating a bag of chips and i’d still be living for it. I do wish you the best of luck and I hope all goes well for you.
So sad to know you're not enjoying your life. You're such a great person, and you're looking amazing!! Good luck with your appointment in March xoxo
You look amazing queen! 💜 I hope you start feeling better soon, you deserve to be happy And healthy.
I'm so sorry your feeling this way I hope you get better soon, I hope you're not so held back anymore! Be a person and I love seeing this side of you. I love all sides of you, I just want you to find yourself. Yes, I have a lot I tend to game, crochet, draw and read. Cooking some good food and baking helps. I wish I lived closer to you I won't leave your side. I wish Was there to really help you. I keep missing you on twitch too, I hope to catch you soon Love ya girl!
anti depressants are so hit and miss. You have to go through a few to get the one that does the job. For me, I got lucky and lexapro made my anxiety 100% better and my depression is not as bad anymore. I also noticed I cry when I do get upset and then move on. I used to have a hard time crying and I always felt like if I cried I can get over it. So, the pills worked for me in that regard too. You are beautiful and great and getting help is hard but the strongest thing you can do like you said. You do you bb
maje up serving again omg
OKAY. Finally got a chance to watch this. Anyways, when you told us I think it was in stream or discord that you made appointment I was excited for you but I’m even more so for you now that you let us on some more but it sounds like you’re truly on a right path and what makes it better is that you have pinned down what things you struggle with, have some terminology to explain it or a concise way of describing it and some ideas potentially of what you may be dealing with (ex: derealization/depersonalization). Which is really good because it means you’re ready for that appointment and to get down to business and work with this psychiatrist with what must be dealt with, discussed and figure out what exactly needs to be done to get proper diagnoses for things. Such as the depersonalization/derealization, that’s a symptom of many disorders now it’s just pinning down what. It’s also possible you could have personality disorder for example (not saying you do) and when you get a diagnoses they could give you medication for these things but also you can finally get a better understanding of these disorders and better navigate the world considering it & with your psychiatrist’s help.
Anyways. Overall I’m glad you shared this cause I know a lot of people who are going through the same thing can find strength knowing that you’re strong to share these things and even go in depth about some of the things that you’ve pinned down as what you’re dealing with and for some they may be like “oh shit other people deal with that too?” Or just hearing like it’s strong to admit you need help and out of control of your life and situations, which as you know and I’ve brought up to you a few times in stream & privately, I be struggling but trying to let people know and move on cause it genuinely helps and people actually can help you or you can get the help you need. And your psychiatrist appointment is a great example of that. Anyways, again great video and thanks for updating us ❤️
((PS omg I think this might be the longest comment I’ve written on your channel or maybe any CZcams video in general LMAO idk. Tfw sucky commenter))
Thank you for making this video! I love your honesty and vulnerability! Sending all the love and healing power
Victoria ILY if you are looking for a hobby to help you out , try taking care of plants! I have a lot of houseplants and it's very therapeutic for me to take care of them and they also purify the air from toxins. ♥️
Your beautiful! Keep working towards your best self 🙏❤️ your very inspiring girl
You are so beautiful and inspirational thank you for comforting me with ur presence ❤️
I wish you the best!!!! I hope you feel better soon.
You're looking extra pretty here :) thank you for the update love u
Going to a psychiatrist and getting an evaluation is an excellent decision! (I agree 100% with you, it's not a sign of weakness.) Getting a diagnosis from a qualified professional is a gift of freedom. It enables one to understand what's going on, and go find the most effective treatment. I'm seeing a good therapist now, and to finally understand what's going on with my emotions is a huge relief.
You are so not alone in how you feel! I understand and experience tons of what you described! I am sending ALL my love!!!! ❤❤❤
I've been convinced for a while that you are bipolar. I've watched you go from Manic to depressed to flat out disappear over weeks and months. I'd also check into your diet and make sure you are getting the right minerals and vitamins in your body... As well as gut health. Taking probiotics daily has improved my mood greatly... ( Our gut is our second brain) Side note, I did a lot of ecstasy when I was a teenager and young adult and that's when I was hospitalized for depression and Panic disorder. I've since cleaned upy life and diet and I don't have issues with anxiety panic depression or insomnia anymore. I love you so much. Keep your chin up as you are such a beautiful soul. I think seeing a doctor is a great step in the right direction 💜
wig girl, i literally can't relate more. proud of you for going to see a psychiatrist, im still trying to find motivation to make an appointment
The PHQ-9 is an initial general mental health questeionare. Things like how you enjoy things you normally like, how often you cry, etc. Everything you said is extremely important clinically. The first month antidepressant therapy to evaluate it's effectiveness. It takes courage to seek help. God bless.
Good for you for heading to a professional. A general practitioner is great for certain things, but you’re smart to go to a psych person who deals with mental health all day everyday. It can be so hard to make that first appointment. Happy to hear you’re moving in a positive direction.
You remind me so much of myself a few years ago. You’ll find your way through it and figure it out I promise. Also definitely start knitting! I knit a whole blanket when I was suicidal one summer lmao
Thank you for being so real and honest!! You are not alone in your feelings!
My psychiatrist is one of my favourite people honestly. So glad that you have the courage to seek answers
I really think you should look into voice acting your voice is so soothing to me. Sending you much love 💗 keep moving forward. Glad you are getting help xoxo.
VICTORIA I LOVE YOU AND WE ALL CARE ABOUT YOU. I hope your mental health gets better because you DESERVE to be happy!!! keep your chin up gal
You look radiant and gorgeous sis! Love You!
I've health anxiety surrounding my heart for years that led to my panic disorder. I am now on buspar for the next six months or so. It helps me so far my physical symptoms of anxiety are not gone but they are greatly reduced which helps me cope.
I actually feel the exact same way, except I can't afford the doctor/insurance so I'm hoping I can make it through on my own. Good luck to all of us! This world is tough 💖
There’s something about her eyes. Just Beautiful 😍😍😍 you look stunning bae 💗
Victoria, there is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you need help. I have been on antidepressants & anti-anxiety meds along with therapy because of an extremely traumatic experience I went through. I am proud to admit I had the courage to get this help when I had other people in my family discouraging me. Only I can know what I need to get well so I had to take care of me. You need to do the same so you go, girl! (As far as antidepressants go I asked for one that does not kill your sex drive & I was told that Wellbutrin was my only choice. I have been on it since the start & am happy to report that in addition to helping with my depression it has not taken away any sex drive.) If this is TMI then I apologize, but there may be someone else reading this who needs help & putting it in a DM would not allow for that. You are amazing, Victoria... never forget that! Your videos help me with my issues & you should know that you have a very positive affect on people. ♥️♥️♥️
First bussys!!
victoria you are such a beautiful person. im so proud of you for seeking help. i know its not easy. i really recommend going to therapy as well as going to a psychiatrist. meds dont fix everything and therapy can really help you have a productive life
Oh wow she’s actually wearing makeup in this vid I’m shooketh. Anyway, you look bootiful with and without it, love u ❤️
When you said "derealization and depersonalization" I legit flipped out and had to pause the video because that's exactly what my therapist told me I could be dealing with about a year ago.
(Also, when I first started antidepressants I had a similar reaction. I just felt groggy and other mental health issues got a lot worse for me so I stopped immediately. Funny enough, I actually ended up taking SSRIs again after being on mood stabilizers for about a year. Taking both was a pretty good mix for me for a while, but right now things aren't too great.)
tbh I kinda hate being one of those statistics of trans people who have mental health issues.
i feel ya girlllll. same shit happened to me when i was taking this devils pill.....i think its called wellbutrin or sumn. i was manic af (back then i was working at sbux) and literally was buggin out on bar. I hope it all works out for you and you find your passions again!
Girl, not sure why but you look even prettier than usual on your last few posts. I really hope all it means is that you're getting to a good place soon. And thanks for making me smile with your past posts. I'm in a pretty dark and negative place right now and this helps. I don't know the struggles of a transperson but I'm a woman who is going through a rough patch and not seeing a way out right now. In the last few months I've lost my home, my 10 year relationship, and all the stress has been aggravating my seizures. But, I know, I must remain strong. Don't know what the future holds but I'm too pig-headed and nosey not to stick around and find out. Anyway, sorry for the ramble and let's carry on!
Girl, as someone that is trans, I’ve been thru what your going thru what ur going too. But u are brave for putting urself out there like that on CZcams braver then me, but keep your head up love! You just need to person inside you to tell u more positive things! Sending you positive vibes! Remember God put you on this world for a reason... I love you Victoria!
Molly, the state that two years of taking molly twice a week left me in was no joke. I wonder if it chemically imbalanced me for life.
u look really good i am so happy for u
I feel like you have a borderline personality, and I don’t want it to sound like I’m a doctor or anything but seeing your videos, you seem pretty similar to me and that’s what I have... feel free to get informations on it. I love you so so much, things get better, never give up 😘
You are looking absolutely gorgeous!
I'm actually leaving school because my depression and anxiety has gotten so bad. and what you are saying is completely how i feel to the T. it feels like I'm literally just trying to survive and not die, rather than living. its horrible.
Victoria, Take Care of yourself! We love you❤️
Wow skin come thru
Breanne S living
Pls go to a psychologist before seeing a psychiatrist, often therapy can eliminate mental health problems before having to look at heavy medications xxx
Matty Reymoor a psychiatrist has the same credentials as a psychologist in addition to an MD, a GOOD psychiatrist will advise therapy in conjunction with meds if a person is needing more than maintenance.
kate carew yea i know but from experience psychiatrists like to prescribe you drugs immediately when you might not actually need them which can be v harmful
Matty Reymoor my mother is a psychiatrist and generally if you’re seeing one they do prescribe medication because there’s no need for the MD if you just want therapy however they are supposed to assess the patient and offer therapy, they have to receive psychological training in addition to medical and if a patient doesn’t want meds they can tell the psychiatrist that and get a referral since insurance won’t generally cover a psychiatrist for therapy exclusively. I think Victoria is looking for meds and at this point considering the fact she is on estrogen etc and other psych meds she needs more than a therapist, even if it’s to stop the current regimen under a doctors care.
But you’re right, they do tend to jump to meds but that is usually based on the assumption the patient has been through counseling since getting to a psychiatrist generally has a few doorways that must be passed through prior to referral including therapy.
I am with you there are some day's that it's just a job to get through the day by going through the motions. Day's when you don't feel happy, hell weeks. And then all of a sudden you will feel content. I ask myself everyday if I will be happy or if being content is as good as it will get. Each day is different and you have to learn techniques to get through each that help you the most. Getting diagnosed and understanding what you are dealing with will be the first step in learning to like yourself. Then love yourself and then reach happiness or what I like to consider what is my level of happiness. I don't think all of us are the type of people to just walk around smiling and giggly and joyful all the time. But the goal is to have more good days than bad ones. You're a wonderful human and a beautiful woman that brings joy to a lot of people I have faith that it will transfer back to you.
I also experience depersonalization and derealization. Its really nice to hear someone speak on it a little and bring some awwareness to it
it's a long journey to get help and get better, but sis it is so worth it. Much love and support to you, ilysm!
p.s. your eyes look like dark chocolate
I can relate to so much of what your saying. Hope going to the doctor helps❣️
It’s really fucked up but I genuinely believe everyone in our generation can relate to this video. Somehow we all have and/or have had depression of some sort and I have a few guesses as to why that is but it really blows my mind the numbers of suicide and the percentage of mental illness in today’s youth. Like so heartbreaking. But nonetheless I love you and appreciate you for being real, opening up, and spilling your tea sis. At the end of the day we’re all in this together. ✨🖤
Love you and you can do anything bussy gorl! totally should do a makeup tut youve been looking snatched and hydrated 💦😍
Don't be sad your so cool
I think it is really strong to seek mental help. I used to HATE the idea of being “dependent” on meds. I’ve tried so many and none of it worked. I went off meds for a while. Everything was horrible. In the past few months I’ve found a good med combo for myself and I’m not mad at myself for being on meds ? like Im in a good place.
I highly encourage everyone to keep going and seek out the help you may need. I dont think I wouldve ever imaged myself not wanting to kms everyday lol
but that also doesnt mean im happy all the time bc thats not realistic and even “normal” people arent like that
Yo it’s Janae Rose ig you blocked me form making comments but anyway I hope you get better girl keep pushing and stay up Ik you’ll get through this
This is unrelated but how do you have perfect skin please tell us your secrets.
Okay now that I watched it I’m editing my comment.
I definitely can relate I feel the same exact way, you basically explained me.. And I wish no one felt like this but I feel a little more comforted that someone out there feels the same way as me. I genuinely feel like I have depersonalization and I’ve been honestly miserable and the worst part is I don’t really have the money or health insurance to get help. I hope you find out what’s wrong and get the help you need. And please keep us updated!
Just know that you definitely helped me by being so open and posting this. Thank you!! x
I’m sorry you’re in the midst of figuring out what’s next, transitions are scary but taking the steps to get yourself well, it takes a lot to admit and recognize that, as I type the words it’s not weakness it’s strength you said it.
So, now it’s a FACT.
🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻
p.s. still getting prettier and prettier
I convince myself that green lights are red lights all the time when I'm driving. It's scary and it sucks. I'm glad you're going to a psych to get help/answers 💜
love you!
a healthy buss is a happy buss!
I am glad to are going to get more help. It's not easy, girl. I am much older than you-I am not trans-but I know what anxiety and depression are like. Keep at it. It may take awhile to find the right combination of meds. I also found that working out or exercising vigorously (not that kind of exercise you dirty girl !) has helped me. It took awhile before I could leave the house to go to a gym but when I did, it made me feel like WONDER WOMEN. P.S You may not feel so good but you look fabulously healthy and that is the best kind of beauty to me ! xxx
love you vic
I wish you all the best babe,And remember you are bloody amaze balls :)
😙😙😙take care sweetie, we are here for you!!