It is biblical to leave a truly abusive spouse. But be careful.
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- čas přidán 9. 03. 2022
- This is merely a snippet from 2 years ago when I did my 3 hour teaching on "Divorce and Remarriage: Everything the Bible says about It" back from May of 2020. This video may raise more questions than it answers for some people but I promise I've got the answers to those questions and more in the big video.
Here's a link to the FULL VIDEO with time stamps to help you find just what you need. • Divorce and Remarriage...
I'm Mike Winger and my goal is to help you learn to think biblically about everything. I've got a free searchable database of over 600 videos on my website BibleThinker.org
I know that this video raises other unanswered questions such as…
How do you go from saying a person can flee an abusive spouse to saying they can divorce one? czcams.com/video/N2pC6ZikbYo/video.html
What about the idea that marriage is literally unbreakable and that people who divorce are still married in God’s eyes? czcams.com/video/N2pC6ZikbYo/video.html
What about the 500 other questions I’ve got about this and a bunch of different passages of Scripture related to it? czcams.com/play/PLZ3iRMLYFlHtBvJzugPJp9P5X1T-hA91j.html
Pastor I hope you see this. I was in a truly abusive marriage for years. Not just spiritual,emotional and financial abuse sincere physical abuse. Was hospitalized several times from physical abuse. Even while pregnant. He was also unfaithful several times. Even then I questioned, prayed, and fasted about walking away.
I had also just left s hypercharasmatic NAR church. I was not yet grounded in true Bible doctrine.
I would have done anything for this video!! So glad a truly Godly man is addressing this. Thank you so much. God bless you!
Having watched a lot of your videos and thus learnt a thing or two about spotting others' logical errors (you do it quite well in dissecting others' claims), I think I found some in your arguments.
Let me preface this by saying that I do agree with you about that it must be possible to leave a spouse who severely abuses you. Not saying people should just stay and endure until they may at worst be killed!
Okay. Now, it appears to me you are reading something into the text: First, you come up with a definition of your own - "if we tell someone they must not divorce their partner and stay faithful, we are condemning the innocent." - No, we aren't, condemning the innocent means ascribing guilt to them for what happened to them, but these words wouldn't contain any assignment of guilt, just a statement of how someone should behave
Secondly, you show a verse that contains the words "condemning the innocent" and then apply the definition you just made to it, saying that this proves your assessment right.
Also, strangely enough, just before you move to the verse about condemnation of the innocent, you show an extract from Corinthians 7 (v. 10-11) that seems to disprove your whole statement about "you don't have to stay faithful to such a partner": "... the wife should not separate from the husband, (but if she does [and hey, one reason for that could be abuse!], she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."
This seems like a slippery slope when it comes to interpretation. By the same logic you are using a Catholic could argue that even though the OT forbade the eating of human flesh and blood, that in John 6 Jesus made an "exception"
@Mike Winger Seeing as comments tend to get lost in the pile and ones like this probably don't make it to you during your streams, I just wanted to say thank you for your online ministry.
It has had a huge impact on my life, as I discovered it at the time I think I probably needed it the most, which in turn caused me to watch many many hours of your stuff from years past.
It has really helped me grow as a Christian, has helped me to gain stronger faith and much greater discernment.
God Bless!
@@lexicab7197 I’ve been right there with you and lifting you up in prayer! The worst thing that happens to us is being provoked to the sin of bitterness even after we choose forgiveness….
May the Lord grant us all peace.
Would just like to say here, that abuse is not only physical. Psychological abuse is VERY destructive and very detrimental to health too.
The worst, in my experience. I've dealt with every kind and psychological/ emotional is hard to overcome...the others are much easier to overcome and run from
Psychological abuse can litteraly destroy your health. Ask someone who's lived through it and more times than not, their health has been in decline and sometimes to the point they now have a chronic disease.
20+ years and yes, it affects your health.
Emotional abuse / coercive control is from the pit of hell and sadly most churches seem to believe if there’s no physical injury there’s no problem. 😢
And verbal abuse more often than not leads to physical abuse. AND there’s just no predicting which way it will go. It’s ALL violence.
I believed that it would be wise to counsel someone in an abusive relationship to get out of the relationship, but I had no way to articulate it Biblically. This helps a lot.
Wow, this is like a "phew, I thought it but didn't see it but thanks for doing the work I would have to do."Do you believe the Bible, the whole Holy Bible 100% even 100,000%? I want to go off a limb and say you cherry pick the Bible to fit your life style. I do not think God is going to say: Nathan, it does not matter that you did not read my books and understand them, but welcome to the Kingdom. Daily Scripture study, and daily prayer will get you into a better relationship with God the Father, and Christ the Son
Samuel Thygerson You are unrighteousnesly judging. You are picking at someone else’s life when you have no idea what their situation is. Maybe they are a new Christian and just haven’t gotten to that part of the Bible yet, or they’re studying something else. Obviously they’ve read enough to know God’s character and to know God wouldn’t want this abuse for his children. You ought to take the speck out of your own eye, and I say this not because I think we shouldn’t judge, there is a time and place for judgment. But the Bible tells us to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. You were not slow to speak, you jumped to conclusions and assumed without asking their intent.
@cdr 777 I can relate, however when I brought this up to the pastor of the church I was attending I was told I was wrong.
in my historical studies the gospel is the good news that was spread by word of mouth (or at least it started off that way) it was a oral tradition (Just like the Tanakh was except for the few that could afford to have scrolls and liberty to be taught to read and write) there was nothing said about reading school where once becoming a Jew (through torah study) you are able to become a Christian, as a matter of fact the book of Hebrews is pretty clear about that I should say Paul is pretty clear about that.
That one cannot become a follower of Christ by looking to the law and keeping the written law for salvation... if one is following Christ there will be a change of heart(a circumcised heart) and they will strive to do better because their conscience (the small still voice of God) one cannot escape no matter how hard they try to they cannot.
And if one belongs to God they will be brought to repentance.
As far as marriage goes Jesus said God hates divorce that seems pretty clear
And I think repentance is the flavor of the meal that is being served to the world right now (at least to those whose names are written in the book of life) involved in the issue of divorce, I speak from personal experience being 2+ years outside of my wife divorcing me.
Repentance has been my personal theme for 3 years now.
I am personally apt to choose reconciliation if she would take me back. Even then there would need be a bunch of Christ based counseling that would be needed as well as a church home to grow roots in and be accountable to other believers in the matters of faith, family, serving and living as a modern Christian in Babylon.
God bless you, guide you, and keep you, may his face shine upon you bring you comfort and give you peace.
@cdr 777 yes people were saved by hearing the good news they did not have to read a Bible because there were no Bibles in the beginning I completely agree with that assertion 😁
I really wish God would have put something about abuse marriage in the Bible so we can all have a clear viewpoint .
I ran a battered women's shelter for 25 years. 50% of the victims were from various Christian denominations with church being an important part of their lives. Year after year I made annual reports. (With no names provided) . It was rare when a church was helpful or supportive to resolve domestic violence/sexual assult situations.
I'm retired and I still have real nightmares about this. Thank you for discussing this issue.
Hi Susan, I’m praying that God would somehow redeem the terrible pain and loss that you experienced on behalf of the women who survived due to the churches not coming to help bind up the broken hearted or to heal.
Hey! So, my story is a bit different; I was accused of emotional abuse (by my exwife towards her) & physical abuse (by my exwife towards the kids). Initially, when she made these claims, I believed her - why would my bst friend lie to me? She sees somethings I don’t, I guess. She suggested a temp separation and once I was out of the house, changed her mind on counselling and “temporary”. I was dragged thru courts and Childrens Aid Society for years (I’m still in court - 5 yrs later) - no one believed me that I wasn’t the monster she claimed. Worst of all, my church left me and believed her. I was completely abandoned. Until 3 months into the separation when it was found out she was having an affair with one of the young adults we were leaders over. The whole game was an act to try and conceal her affair. The church, Childrens Aid, and court, tho didn’t believe her anymore, still treated me like a monster. My family and I now wrestle with many issues bc of the experience. Since, my two sons have moved in with me full time, but two older daughters have taken moms cross and X’ed out. The abuse and hurt destroyed me but God is slowly putting pieces back together - I did things I’m not proud of bc I was hurting and now live with the hurt AND the consequences of my actions. Double whammy.
Im not a fan of any group or movement that promotes “believe women, always” … my ex, and countless others I know of, have screwed it up for the real victims (who are the small minority).
@@JBAbullitt Sorry to hear that.
GOD bless you
I remember as a little girl in the church I go to, seeing those tabs put up in the bathroom and Some of them ripped off. I’m so happy that a woman decided it was the right thing to put them there. Because I want the preachers to expose this evil. I never really understood what it was for or how great the impact was. But now I do.
(Also they should do the same for abused men/boys this is also not discussed)
@@JBAbullitt glad you shared your story. I don’t think false accusations for ulterior motives are talked about enough. This is very real.
I may have commented before, I don’t remember, but I want to thank you again for being a voice of reason.
My child suffered for 13 years.
Her spouse wasn’t physically abusive but mentally ill.
He psychologically and emotionally beat her down until she almost had a nervous breakdown.
I’m writing this to let people know that there is more than one type of abuse.
While I would never condone divorce for trivial reasons like boredom or laziness or deciding the grass is greener elsewhere, I will never again make the mistake of dismissing daily, calculated, mental torture.
Thank you for mentioning this often-neglected or pooh-poohed reality! How wicked it is for folks to dismiss those suffering thru such misery instead of acknowledging and believing them in their distress! Those who refuse to believe them or help carry their heavy burden are just as bad as those enacting the abuse and they will miss out on blessings from the Lord by their neglect. There are many toxic people among us and we must run away from them!
Thank
This is a very really form of abuse and I'm living with it currently. So ready to leave.
This is exactly the situation I am in now. However, we aren't married, just engaged, I know, it's not right and since I got the Holy Ghost and gift of tongues a month ago, God has been working on me heavily...he's revealed the mental torture and emotional abuse of my fiancee saying he'd be better off dead. I really needed to hear a biblical view on my current situation and I believe I am now certain of what actions to take.
I've dealt with emotional and mental abuse for almost 20 years. I didn't realize what it was until recently.
I am a woman who was abused in every way and my children and it took me 12 years to get out of the marriage. I also thought I wasn’t supposed to be divorced because at that time I was a new believer and believed that I had to stay no matter what. Thank God he delivered me and my boys or else I would be dead. Thank you for sharing this. 🙏🏾❤️
marriage is a contract you do in front of God. divorce have nothjng to do with separating yourself from your husband if there are problem and if you need to make it illegal for him to even contact you, you dont need divorce to do it. you dont need a divorce to go away from your husband and go live elsewhere and while you are married you can even make it illegal for him to contact you . you dont need to divorce
@@godhasgivenussalvationinth5223 I’m younger so I don’t know much about marriage and legality but if you are domestically abused, and you also get a restraining order won’t you be made to legally divorce?
@@tiredoftheworld4834 i think the verse in matthew just refer to the sins of the WIFE that can lead to divorce not the man. the verse says that the only justification for a man to divorce his wife is if she commit adultery.
now there are others sin that a MAN does that can lead to divorce.
@@godhasgivenussalvationinth5223 never thought of that, but I think you might be right.
@@godhasgivenussalvationinth5223 that was because Jesus was speaking to a bunch of men who liked the idea of being able to just get rid of their wife if they've had enough of her and move on to a younger model. So that's largely what he referring to. Unless she'd actually gone and been unfaithful to them, they had no warrant for just divorcing them because they'd had enough of them and wanted to move on.
I grew up in a rural, conservative area in the US. A woman who attended a different church kept going to her pastor and leaders at her church, telling them about her abusive husband. Until the last time, when he killed her. We found out when it made the news. Even as a child, I realized this situation was unhealthy and it was terrible counsel to tell her to stay. The right counsel could have saved her life.
Wow very very sad and heartbroken! I went through a divorce and I told the pastor of my church and he had the nerve to tell me that it was a bad decision I filed divorce. Never him or anybody from the church called me or supported me. It’s frustrating how church leaders are aware of domestic abuse in a marriage and they do nothing but accuse the victim wanting to find safety. They preach about God’s live and yet they don’t show love. And of course they don’t want to discuss about it in the church. Very disgusting and worst, how they use the Bible to accuse the victim.
That’s so sad. God knows she was trying to do the right thing and asked for help. Those church leaders failed her.
Oh gosh that's horrible! 😖😢 May God have mercy on her soul, and may her example remind us why we need to have the right theology about important matters such as these.
@@toliveischrist950 They are not perfect, nor were the prophets, they just believed what they believed and stuck to it. Please know this simple fact.
That is so sad. This is why we should use common sense in situations like this. This isnt the first nor the last time a husband ends up killing his wife in a domestic violance situation. We must always help the victim because one day it might be too late. My friend’s daughter was almost beaten to death last summer by her husband (now ex). It wasn’t the first time he laid a hand on her either. Every woman should be taught, that if a man hits her, it’ll happen again, and that she should flee.
If you're being abused, get out. They very rarely change. When they fear God, they keep his commandments. Love your wife, be gentle with her. I had my husband removed by the police because of his abuse. I have no regrets for doing it. I have moments of sadness because he didn't love me or our marriage enough to be accountable and get help. Never ever tell a woman to stay in an abusive marriage because she's a Christian. That is just as if not more damaging than the abuse itself. Men don't go around abusing each other, because a man would fight back. It's an unequal fight. It's a cowardly weak man, who bullies those he's supposed to protect.
100% Vicki. Well said. God bless you.
@@jordandthornburg Thankyou ❣️ God bless.
I realized quite awhile after the divorce that my husband was abusing me so horribly to get me to be the one to leave so he could look like the good guy. It was very bad, but it was only ever going to get worse. He beat me vicariously through our daughter by not punishing her attacks on me for a couple of years until I left. So he also taught her that I was worthy of abuse. Somehow he came out looking like the virtuous one.
@@eveningprimrose3088 Sorry you sent through that😔 mine was the same. He pushed me and pushed me until I had him removed, because if he left, he looked like a bad ungodly husband. Unfortunately for me, I was living with a highly narcissistic husband, and a highly narcissistic mother as well. There was a lot of triangulation going on, and it was exhausting. He went out and did a smear campaign on me, and got himself into full time work, ( he refused to work in the marriage) and has carried on with his new life, completely unremorseful about his abuse over an eight year period. I'm glad God gave me the strength to end it though, because I'm getting a lot stronger, and won't accept abuse now. He will carry on going from person to person, relationship to relationship while all the time claiming to be a Christian. I am pretty sure that we are both better Off, and now is an excellent time to learn, heal and move on, not looking back. I hope and pray that your future is all about Jesus the one who will never let you down, as we wait for the day until we're with him.❣️
@@vickiwadsworth9482 thank you, and I hope God has happier things planned for you and for me!
I once talked to a woman who had divorced from her husband. He had lied about being a Christian because he knew that she wouldn't have dated/married him otherwise. They had a son, and she honestly tried staying with him because that was her duty as a Christian, wife, and mother. But he was getting increasingly physically abusive. When her son started having nightmares about the dad, she finally left and divorced her husband. People actually held that against her.
They seriously overlooked the "he lied and is getting physically violent towards his wife and traumatizing his son" and only acknowledged the fact that she left him. I really wish this was talked about more. So many people have been hurt or worse because they believe it's their God-given duty to stay and if they leave, they basically lose all support when they need it most.
Thank you for talking about this.
Given that he lied to the degree that he did, she probably could have gotten an annulment
@@sneakysnake2330 Lying doesn't justify the end of a marriage in God's eyes, and God never speaks of an annulment. If you go through the bible, you can see that the woman's permission is not even required for a marriage to be a marriage. Even if she doesn't want it, it's still a marriage in God's eyes. Even when people are deceived in the bible, such as Joshua with the Gibeonites, God required them to go through with their side of the bargain, even though they were deceived. We also see the marriage of Jacob and Leah being a done deal, even though he thought he was marrying an entirely different woman...
@1987iuli How can you blame the victim for blindness without knowing what happened or what this man did to mislead her? There are atheists out there who act and talk like Christians. If this guy knew the basic lingo or was an ex-Christian, he could have kept up the charade long enough. Even the disciples didn’t suspect Judas after three years of living and traveling with him.
@Meowco The father owns his daughter until the father decides to give her to another man. It's the father's decision. But even if the marriage goes through without the father's permission, it's still a done deal. A simple reading through the entire bible should bring up multiple instances of this situation. Also, note that the man "takes" a woman, a woman never "takes" a man.
Obviously, a marriage that the woman wants is going to have far less trouble -- but, on a factual level, once a marriage goes through, it's a marriage. Until modern western liberal culture, arranged marriages was quite a common normal thing, in which the father arranged the marriage of his daughter, many times to someone she might not even like. Arranged marriages are done throughout the bible, and all are considered legitimate marriages.
So, let's go with examples:
Esther is a classic example. Esther was not permitted by their law to even be married to King Xerxes. When Xerxes seized her to be one of his many wives, Esther's guardian Mordecai never once said that the marriage was invalid and that she should escape, even though it was done contrary even to the law of Moses and done solely out of lust and seizure. Xerxes was also one of the most violent kings in ancient history.
Jacob in Genesis, is a strange example of slightly the opposite... He was deceived into marrying Leah, when he thought it was Rachel. It was still considered a legitimate marriage once it happened, even though he was deceived into marrying her.
Judges 21 -- is an entire situation in which men snagged a large group of women and took them for their wives without them even knowing what was going on. These were considered legitmate marriages, even when the fathers were upset.
Here's the law of Moses --
Exodus 22:16~17 -- the decision rests with the father, not the woman
16 “And when a man seduces an unmarried-woman who has not been betrothed, and he lies with her, he must certainly endow her to himself for a woman. But If her father absolutely refuses to give her to him for a woman, he shall weigh out silver like a dowry for the unmarried-women."
Deuteronomy 22:28~29- forced marriage
28 “When a man finds a young-woman, an unmarried-woman who has not been betrothed, and he has seized her and has lain with her and they are discovered, 29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the young-woman’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become a woman to him, because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days.
Deuteronomy 21:10~14 - men are allowed to take women war captives as wives --
10 “When you go out to the battle against your enemies, and Yahweh your god gives them into your hands and you take them away captive, 11 and you have seen a woman who is beautiful of shape in the captivity, and have a desire for her and have taken her to yourself for a woman, 12 then you shall bring her home to your house, and she shall shave her head and trim her nails. 13 And she shall remove the clothes of her captivity off her, and she shall remain in your house, and she shall mourn her father and mother a full month; and after that you may go in to her and be her master and she shall be a woman to you. 14 It shall be, if you are not pleased with her, then you shall let her go wherever her soul desires; but you shall certainly not sell her for money, you shall not mistreat her, because you have humbled her.
1 Corinthians 7:36~38 also shows this practice continuing.
If all Christians can use Esther as a shining of example of obedience and how God uses a woman... who was married to someone who was -- a murderer, a tyrant, an idolator, a polygamist, a lust-filled person... Whose own guardian, instead of trying to get her out of the marriage and make an excuse about how the marriage was illigetimate, but said, "Yet who knows whether you have obtained the royal dignity for such a time as this?" Then almost no woman can complain about their current situation. Instead, they should reflect, "Who knows whether God put me here for a time such as this?"
My sister in law left her husband after many years where he was really a very rotten person to live with. I don't think he was physically abusive, but would have been in most other ways. Throughout the marriage he never changed, but actually once it was over it caused him to really see was a piece of work he'd been and he actually did change his life out of that. But apparently, when my sister in law went to Church after they separated, she sat down, and people who were in the row she was in got up a moved. At a time when people should have gathered around her and supported her, they shunned her. Not surprisingly she's not going to Church any more. Completely ridiculous some of the ways people react to this.
"In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church" Ephesians 5:28-9.
How does that apply to divorce?
@@meomy29Being this comment is 6 months old you may not see this, and you may for all i know. When you marry someone, you are standing before God and making a commitment to love that person and saying they are the only one you want to be with. if someone abuses their spouse, cheats on them or so on, this means they stood before God and lied to his face and that other person, meaning the marriage is based on a lie, and thus a fraudulent contract.
@captainbladej52gaming-Darkbladejk then what happens afterwards?
@@captainbladej52gamingyes. The abuser is the one breaking the contract, not the abused.
@@branver1172 Have shame you divorce due to abuse and no other reason you are commiting sexual immorality
Marriage is to reflect Christ and the church. Does an abusive relationship reflect Christ’s love for the church?
good point
Right!! Nicely put!
Absolutely not!
With God's marriage to Israel it says that God actually divorced her for her adultery, but that didn't mean He didn't love her. He made a promise never to leave her of forsake her, and He made a promise to purchase her back from her slavery to sin with the precious blood of a Lamb.
No, it doesn't. It's sad to see that the husband can be abusive and/or wife.
I'm not married I'm a kid. Though I was curious about this subject of divorcing if he/she is abusive. One of my family members was if an abusive relationship, but she didn't divorce until there was a good reason. Though she did say he cheated on her. Though my thoughts were... What if he doesn't cheat, but is just abusive? We should be able to divorce in this situation, but she never thought so.
I was in an abusive marriage. I tried and tried in that marriage, but nothing worked. I always gave him lots of praise and respect for his accomplishments and expertise in his work and other things, yet still was abused. There was a nice show at church of us being a sweet Christian couple, but it was only half Christian.
One day after going out for breakfast we stopped for gas. While he was pumping gas I had a praise CD playing and I prayed. I told God that I had tried everything I knew, and that I am just taking my hands off the whole thing. I am tired. I told God I am putting it all in Your hands. Do whatever you need to do. I can't do anything else.
When we got home I went in my little office and put in one praise CD after the next. I sang praises and prayed for hours. I had no idea what taking my hands off and fully letting God take over would do in a few hours. Later that evening he snuck out of the house on foot in a heavy, drenching rain to walk to K-Mart to try to buy a gun to come back and kill me along with my mother and sister. They were smart enough to see how deranged he was and did not sell one to him.
The next part is still an unknown mystery on what and how something transpired, but he wound up in the ER of the closest hospital. How and why he got there??? My father-in-law called to let me know he was in the hospital but would probably be transferred to another, but would give me no details. I called the ER they could tell me nothing and said he didn't want to speak with me. He did get transferred to the other hospital. That one had a psych floor. I got a call from the social worker asking if I would come for a meeting. After a few minutes she asked if he would tell how he came to be there. Just as calm as reciting what he had for breakfast, he said that he had walked down to K-mart to try to buy a gun to shoot and kill the three of us to solve all of his problems in life. I have never been more frightened in my life, but also perplexed on how homicide and jail would fix problems. I was told he would not be allowed to return to our home. When released he would go to his father's house.
We immediately changed the locks that day and informed the local police of what almost happened. The next day we filed restraining orders. He is a computer programmer. I had learned a lot about computers in our marriage because that was about the only accepted topic of conversation. This served to my absolute horror and his detriment. In backing up his computer, I found all the places he had been. Let's just say I am so thankful that God never allowed a child to be born in this marriage.
God knew I did not belong in this abusive marriage to this perverted ungodly man. He blew it all up in one day while totally covering us under His shield of protection.
It has been 21 years now and 20 since the finalized divorce. I have forgiven him. He is a man who walks in an evil perverted world of darkness. I cannot expect good to come from someone like that. This doesn't mean, however, that I would ever want to be in his presence for even a moment. Forgiveness doesn't mean falling prey to again. I don't know how many times during the marriage when I saw his true colors that I asked God's forgiveness for marrying him, and how many times years after the divorce I did as well. I realize now I don't have to continually keep asking for forgiveness. I just give God praise for protecting us, setting me free, and even though I had always wanted to be a mother for preventing that for the sake of any child born to us.
I have not remarried, and have not really been interested in going down that path again. I thought I was marrying a nice Christian Mr. Price Charming I met at a church Bible study. I only wanted a godly Christian husband. Well, that costume and facade came off after the wedding. I don't trust my ability to discern a real person from a fake.
Bless you. God is good.
wow, that is amazing how after you took your hands off it and spent that time in praise and worship - God *MOVED* and *RESCUED YOU*!
God always rescues His people!!!
@@tiffanysalerno He certainly did move...and swiftly! I am safe. I praise Him for His protection and provision. I am content. I seriously doubt that I will ever marry again. I know I am whole in Him. It's kind of lonely now with all of the rest of my family passed on, but I have wonderful godly friends who look out for me and love me.
Hallelujah! While your experience must have been horrific and traumatic, I am so glad to hear of your faith and how God rescued and protected you 💗 Thank you for sharing and God bless x
Oh my goodness praise the Lord you are safe! Please write a book. There is so much abuse going on and it’s shoved under the rug
Not enough Christians or pastors talking about this subject! I stayed in an abusive marriage for years, pastors knew, people knew, and just told him he needed to be involved in more ministry and read his Bible more. It broke me, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, etc. I was told "well what did you do" or "we don't just give up on marriage." I became so numb to everything around me I told I realized my kids were also numb to it, they stopped reacting to the abuse, it was the norm. I prayed and filed for divorce, one of the pastor's at our church blamed me for losing one of his men, and was cut off by many. It's been 11 years now and I still feel condemned when I go to church (I left that one), because of the damage it did. I never hear anyone talk about this stuff in the church, it's talked about behind closed doors, not at the pulpit. This has brought me some healing believe it or not, never thought about this perspective, thank you!!
Sorry for everything you went through. I truly wish better for you.
This is a bit of an aside but along similar lines, I think, is that many people will try to justify bad behavior with the statement of (paraphrasing ahead!):
"be submissive" while completely ignoring "treat your wife as you would yourself".
IMO God made it clear what He means here, but humans, it seems we always have to be in rebellion, don't we?
God Bless you!
So sorry for this. I think it tells a lot about how much wisdom and discernment the leaders have if they can’t tell between real abuse.
@@dco8886 Right? God clearly says so many times "love one another" and then we have situations like this where someone is being the opposite of loving to the person they're supposed to love and care for the most!
Wow you have been through it at the hands of unwise men, may God give grace and freedom and healing
as a person myself who suffered much growing up in an abusive household where parents hated one another but could never divorced legally because of cultural stigma of my country, I can say, no person, especially no child deserves to go through that. Better to leave and start over life if you can't live together. It's the children who get destroyed in the end
I feel this in my soul! My parents were married, but lived as if they were divorced. The stigma of divorce kept them together and in the same house, pretending to the outside world that everything was perfect. I agree that your kids deserve better than that kind of environment. We are still healing from growing up in that situation.
That's why I don't want children
I have a bad marriage
@@missprincessd1842 I don't know your whole story, but there is something to be said about the effects of divorce on the kids as well. My mom divorced my dad when I was a kid because she said she didn't love him anymore. We were not Christian. Not a good reason to end a marriage and it gets real messy when step family gets involved and your step parents make it abundantly clear their kids matter more while your parents don't have your best interests at heart. I think that was severely detrimental for my sister and me growing up. Then I got saved and made the commitment in my heart that I'm going to do all things possible to make sure I have a good marriage that I won't back out of.
@@alexbenner565 divorce is meant for abuse and adultery cases only, not minor family issues and little to no excuses. So I understand you, but this is talking about abusive marriages and having to divorce so that the kids don't grow up devastated. Divorce can either be used for necessary freedom or misused for minor excuses to tear the family. That's what it is in the end
@@missmystery4525 I understand. It wasn't clear to me that that is what the person I responded to went through, which is why I said I don't know her story. Its very possible she did grow up in an abusive home. Divorce is a very serious issue, which is why it requires a heavy-handed sin to be made acceptable in the eyes of God. Its a sad thing in general when it happens, and I'm sure it pains God when He sees it happen. I pray that no one has to live in an abusive household, but we know the nature of the world, and that it does happen.
Thanks for this, Mike
Yes really, thank you for touching on this important topic Mike!
Thank you for sharing this....I was trapped in an physically and mentally abusive relationship for 20 years. Everyone I confided in told me to keep praying and no divorce. Things got so bad I finally left we are now safe. Women need to know God will not hate us if we leave abuse. Our children suffer for what? So that cycle get repeated because now they have been raised in church but have abuse at home? if Abusers keep abusing after knowing the truth then we church should and have the right to judge them. Biblical
Church discipline should be exercised. 1 Corinthians 5
Thank you so much for this. I had to flee an abusive spouse last summer. I stayed for 12 years, faithfully trying to pray my husband into being a godly man. I am angry at myself for not having left sooner. I'm trying to reconcile with former church leaders for not stepping in when I begged for help. This is very important and needed advice. So many women are in abusive relationships and they stay because they feel that they are supposed to be faithful and lead their husband to Jesus. I had a lightbulb moment when I realized I was trying to BE Jesus for him. And another when a great friend put a mirror up to my situation and I could no longer deny the abuse being done to myself and my children. The church needs training in this area
I’m praying for my wife to be a godly wife and stop being so hateful etc
Church leaders are abysmal at helping abused wives and children. In fact pastors can be extremely abusive people themselves.
Great teaching on divorce my brother. I was made to feel guilty for wanting to leave an abusive marriage. So I stayed to the detriment of my children. Two of my four children now have serious health problems that are directly correlated to the abusive home that they grew up in. Be careful about your decision to protect your children. If it's a bad situation, after you have prayed, sought help and exhausted all avenues, please ignore the ungodly advise to stay. "GET OUT"
Thank you for speaking so beautifully on this. Many men use the “God hates divorce” manipulation tactic to guilt their partners to stay. I pray that the women who are stuck in those situations are led to your video or someone who gives them this wise counsel.
Thank you Pastor Mike for being a biblical voice in this very important and sensitive subject.
Having been in abusive relationships, and currently holding a 5 years Domestic Violent Order against the man who abused me...who proclaimed to be christian and have been going from church to church preying on women; I very much appreciate how this biblical teaching confort me.
Sadly, too many wrong biblical advise have been given to too many women in the church.
I praise God that He now uses what I've been through to help, minister and bring confort to others in abusive situation.
So, your videos are an other tool that I can use to have a greater biblical understanding, as well as sharing them.
Again, thank you, thank you and thank you.
Your ministry has been and continue to help me to grow in understanding and knowledge of the Word of God.
May:
“The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.” ’
Numbers 6:24-26 NKJV
What a wonderful example of 2 Cor 1:4
He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.
Your painful story is going to be used to help so many 💜
@@kimberlyjennings618 Thank you Kimberley 😊 yes indeed, all for God's glory🙏
I’m so sorry this happened to you! My husband was brilliant and wowed everyone, including my pastor with biblical knowledge all while using a warped sense of patriarchy to beat me nearly to death. This is a silent plague in the church.
@@Lilly-fr6uu Thank you Lilly for your compassion 🙏 and I am sorry for what your husband did to you. I hope that you are now in a safe place?
You are right when you call it a "silent plague" in the church. Sooo many women are suffering in silence and some of those that find the courage to leave and denounce the abuse, often are made to feel guilty.
In the midst of it all, we are so blessed to be loved by God and to be called children of God.
Much love and blessings 🙏❤📖✝️🙏
I'm sorry, but when I pressed 6:24 when you were showing passage in the Bible, Mike Winger said Jesus.
Thank you Mike! Years ago I was in a very toxic and abusive marriage (emotional and physical). People really should be cautious telling a woman/man to stay in an abusive relationship. As a survivor of abuse I can say it is quite dangerous and can continue to escalate. I got some good and bad advice from well meaning believers and pastors (ie to stay or to leave). My ex lied and manipulated many people, even me. I finally got courage and left. The violence really escalated then. He kept harassing me and stocking me on this one night. I called the cops and fortunately an officer was there when he showed up to escalate things again. It is a long story of how that arrest occurred. But, when the arrest happened, the officer found a gun on him and he normally did not have a gun! So I can only imagine what his plans were that night, very scary. I had a toddler in the home and we could have been killed. He was arrested and put in jail for some months…and steered clear of us after that as it was court ordered not to bother me again. I never sought child support or he could have fought for supervised visits. Today my son is in his mid twenties and works in ministry! God did not abandon us, He had better plans for us. I eventually remarried a wonderful man who makes me feels safe and secure. He even adopted my son. Therefore, I thank you Mike for shedding light on this topic as many of us may feel guilt or shame, and the church should not do that to victims of abuse… many of us already are doing that to ourselves. I believe God wants us to feel safe and secure… not to live in fear.
Did the Church exercise church discipline per 1 Corinthians chapter 5 and Matthew 18?
My husband and I have been separated for the last three months. Nearly everywhere I sought advice - including Christian spaces - people would simply give me condolences on my ended marriage and encourage me to move on. I'd explain that our marriage isn't over, just on an agreed pause, and people would condescendingly pat me on the head and assure me I could move on in time.
This week we reconnected and recommitted to God, each other, and our marriage. Did he treat me badly? Yes. Did I do the same to him? Yes. This is called "being human". We've been fed fairy tale lies about finding "the one", a perfect someone we could have a perfect life with. This is secular nonsense and has nothing to do with God. You can't just throw away your marriage because you moved past the puppy love phase.
I hope a lot of people read your comment. :)
@Mike Winger Thanks!! I made a video on my channel called "Yall were wrong God was right" hahaha it felt so good to have His promises made in private prayer come into reality and be proven true!!✊🏻✝️🙏🏻
this is talking about real abuse and having to divorce not about few problems of couples and 'treating kinda bad' reason for divorce, those little to no excuses aren't justified. Abuse and adultery is.
@@missmystery4525 Its also a good way to address the issue when people wrongfully claim there's real abuse when its really just normal marital problems. Claiming abuse and playing the victim becomes an easy out for people who just refuse to work things out. Which is directly addressed in the video as well.
@@jrconway3'Playing victim for an easy out'? Sadistic much? 🤔First off nobody comes out and says they're being 'abused' after having normal marriage issues dude. Use logic at least, we ain't nobody to decide who's really abused and who's not. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors expect God and the person himself going through. That's between God and the person. You or anyone isn't gonna decide of it
I was abused for 7 years, to the point that I developed stress induced seizures, was forcibly drugged and eventually poisoned. I was thrown in the floor the first time within 4 months of the marriage but I stayed because of not wanting to break God's law. I thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for this teaching, and the way you immediately answered the question in the beginning. Because it hurts physically as you wait on baited breath as an abused person, wandering if God is angry with you too now that you have left. You saved us that pain also. I can never thank you enough for this
I was abused also - by my wife - but I never gave up. I prayed hard and she'd repent and the marriage remained. Biblically, a marriage ends with death, not divorce.
@@patrickhamilton7849do you think your comment is helpful for this person? You are so blessed that your wife repented and your marriage changed.
Not everyone repents, not everyone changes.
It is not up to the person who's life is at risk, to remain in that situation and have their mental health and life destroyed and sacrificed for the sake of an abusive person.
God works differently with each of us and your comment just hurts people who are already hurt
Abuse is being unfaithful because the husband is to protect his wife from harm and he is not loving his wife as Christ loved the church.
Thank you!!!…I stayed in a life threatening violent marriage for 20 years because I trusted a misogynistic Pastor who said that “God would protect me”! This caused lifelong damage to me and my children.
Pastor said that? heartbreaking. Glad you got your kids out of it
Wow! I’m sorry to hear that.
Im so sorry to hear this! I pray you're in a better place now
@@missmystery4525 it was actually even worse…I was told to just submit and not provoke him, even though I was being beaten over the head with my Thompson chain reference Bible for watching the news. Thank you for your kind words and thank God for more voices and leadership like Pastor Mike Who speak up on behalf of abused women and children.
Wow, I am so sorry this happened to you😞💔 may the Lord bless and restore you and your children 🙏🏻
Thank you Mike for you insight into this subject. I a male was in a abusive relationship for 10 years before I got out but couldn’t get my two kids out.
First it started with verbal abuse (put downs ect) then mental abuse (gaslighting,questioning myself ) then physical abuse I finally left-two weeks later she bashed our 11 year old son over nothing and she still has care of both our children and is still abusing me through the divorce process.
I know God is working and trust in him every day. abuse is never OK. Bless you and your ministry God bless…
Chin up bro. You are God's chosen
I was called every name in the book when my partner was upset with rage in my face . I would be kicked out with my kids every so many months then they would say I’m sorry cry and the cycle would go on for 15 years . I ran to churches counseling all the time and nothing changed so I left divorced and remarried. My ex tells me constantly still that I’m going to hell for remarrying. I got hit across the face a couple of times and locked in my room so I couldn’t leave. I was so tormented with fear . I pray God heals me from the trauma
@Meowco my faith is he is day by day . Thank you blessings to you and may you receive HIS healing to ❤️
I’m incredibly sorry that you’re experienced this. They don’t understand the grace of God, and the spiritual and physical abuse there is not going to send them to a good place… I pray you find healing in Christ.
@@tiredoftheworld4834 thank you 💖
@Meowco thank you brother
To heal is a commandment. There is no other option worth pursuing . Go after it to save yourself (with his hand)
I am not trying to victim-blame any survivor because I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse, but please HEAR ME OUT. For those who haven't entered marriage, look for red flags. Be discerning about the spirit the individual has. The gift of discernment allows you to detect evil spirits before anything they do gets exposed. I highly doubt people become abusive after marriage unless they are Ted Bundy. For those who divorced an abuser, I hope it becomes a learning lesson in terms of how crucial your relationship with Jesus comes first.
Not sure it's quite as easy as that. There are plenty of cases of people who seemed like the nicest people when dating and such, and whether quickly after being married or slowly developing over time, they change and this whole other side comes out that was never seen before. We spend our whole lives getting to know our spouse, and unfortunately, it's not always possible to know these things ahead of time. And it's not necessarily helpful to suggest that if this happens to someone then it was largely their fault for not spotting all the signs ahead of time.
@@funkybluesman42 I’m aware and even for myself that I don’t have the super power of knowing all the red flags but we are called to test the spirits. Goes for everyone not just for romantic partners. Their abusive mask has always been there, it just hasn’t been detected, so to say it changed throughout time is psychologically not correct when at the ages 24+ our frontal lobes are already developed. In other words what you see is what you get in people. Nothing should be new.
@@funkybluesman42 this would be true for someone who doesn’t know Christ. If you are a follower of Jesus, the Holy Spirit will
most definitely warn you, if you seek His counsel. NO ONE can hide who they really are from the Holy Spirit and it is impossible that if we seek Him for discernment, that He will ignore us. These types of situations really point out the massive importance of an intimate relationship with Jesus.
@@emirandme I am totally with you on the importance of an intimate relationship with Jesus and that the Holy Spirit most certainly can and does guide. But using terms like "most definitely" I think is dangerous. The way you say that basically comes across that any person who is a victim of an abusive relationship clearly can't have a good relationship with Jesus or they would have never entered into that relationship. Especially since that while the bible is clear about God guiding us, that it also never suggests that following God will always mean he will steer us away from bad situations. He promises to be with us through bad situations, and promises that whatever we go through we have eternity with Him to look forward to, but he never promises that his guidance will mean we get to avoid bad things happening in this life. So I think it's a dangerous assumption that having a close relationship with Jesus, being strong in prayer and seeking the Holy Spirit for guidance would abuse-proof your relationships any more than it would guarantee they'll never die young and leave you a single parent, or any such other trial and tragedy that people who love Jesus definitely go through.
@@funkybluesman42 while serving the Lord means we will have tribulation, who you marry is a CHOICE. What a low view of God to think that we would fast and pray to Him for wisdom on one of the most important decisions we make in our lives…and think that He will deny it to us. That religious western way of thought is what’s “dangerous” and also a crutch. It’s easier to say “well God never promised we would avoid bad things in this life” than to admit that we didn’t seek His counsel. Yet another reason why the western church is in the state.
Thank you so much for this thoughtful teaching! I am in the process of divorcing my physically abusive husband and this has helped me feel more peace.
You're doing the right thing!! Continue to stay safe
Psychological abuse can be every bit as lethal, only it is sneakier/ more pernicious.
I realized only after the divorce that my ex-husband severely abused me so that I would be the one to leave and he could look like the long-suffering, stable, virtuous one--"the good guy"--to the outside world. Nothing was ever going to get better but only worse and worse.
I always wonder if my divorce was legit. My husband didn't beat me. He does, however, most likely have a personality disorder, and that was so stressful to live under. Constant lecturing, watching what I did, using an app to see when I should be home and then yell at me if I didn't arrive when he thought I should be home, or call when I was going to be fifteen plus minutes late, even though I never was crazy late (meaning over thirty minutes.). There were odd obsessions too, which needed to be followed to the T or there would be a lecture or anger. We're talking the way curtains hung or how blankets were set up in our daughter's room, etc. I walked on eggshells constantly, and it was so stressful. I never knew if he was going to start slamming things around because they weren't where he thought they should be. If I didn't think the way he thought I should, he would say my thought process was disturbing.
It was just too much, and the stress has diminished now that he's out. I think I saw a couple of red flags when we were dating, but they were few and far in between. Once we got married and a house, it got much worse. Then when my daughter came, it went through the roof. But you can't fix a marriage when someone doesn't take responsibility and doesn't see that what they are doing should be an issue.
A really good book on this specific behaviour is by Lundy Bancroft: 'Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men'. Hope it helps you 💗
Have you remarried. Are you looking.
Thank you, Mike for this! I was in a severely emotionally abusive and manipulative marriage for 5 years (and the 3 years previous while dating/engaged). It was horrific. Every time something came up that he disagreed with me on, he’d get right in my face, yell at me, tell me how worthless and awful I was - how I’d never amount to anything or “this” is why I had no friends. Towards the end it started becoming physical, he even got to the point where he physically cornered me with his body (nose to nose and body to body) and was screaming in my face. When I tried to kick him out of the apartment he’d make a scene and say how people were going to call the police (because he knew I had anxiety about this kind of stuff), so I’d let him back in. I was incredibly suicidal, told nobody about the situation out of shame (the church we went to knew about 6 months before I left, but I didn’t even tell my parents yet at that point) and continued to stay thinking that divorcing, even in this situation, was wrong.
I prayed all the time that God would free me from the situation (as in, have me die in some way because I felt that was the only escape). Eventually, my ex told me one day during a fight to just leave and go live with my parents. I finally felt ready, despite knowing I’d deal with some hateful people. I knew I did NOT want to have children with this person and this would be an awful situation to bring children into. I had to leave for my future children, more than anything.
So that’s what I did. I definitely had some people telling me it was sinful and to just go back (they not once asked what was being done to me, the situation or if we’d even had counseling - and yes, we had counseling from a therapist AND the church). I had people saying “but I’ve never seen him act that way, he’s so nice (because he was completely different in private than public), AND the church I was going to even told me I could not divorce unless they deemed the situation worthy!! Even though they knew exactly what had been happening (the last 6 months we were in counseling for it).
Anyways, Mike, your teaching on this really helped me deal with some of the hurt I endured during the divorce. It’s taken a long time, but I am now mostly healed. God has helped me so much recently. I’ve clung to him and been reading his word more than ever lately (it’s now 4 years later). God has definitely given me peace and has put me in the situation I’ve always hoped for. God bless!
I’m in a similar situation as you except I’ve physically left a man who treated me exactly like that and I’m praying that either God will change him or he himself will end the marriage for good. It’s so so painful. Especially cuz I’m realising the reality and depth of my situation once I left
@@XxLismixX Also, I’m so sorry you experienced that too! It’s incredibly awful and lonely to go through.
out of curiosity, is there a reason you went ahead and married him if the abuse started while dating then engaged?
@@biellaspointofview2054 That’s a good question. I was very young, had a lot of insecurities and many of the abusive behaviors/abusive words he was saying beforehand were things I believed about myself. I also naively thought that they would stop once we were married since they were related to things about marriage (without being too specific on the internet). At the time I didn’t realize that someone that acts that way before marriage, will just get worse when married. And it did, it got WAY worse when married. I was young, naive and insecure. Now I know better and know how to look for red flags.
@@moriahdawn8799 I completely understand this and can relate. I was someone who used to look down on people who would stay in abusive relationships but I didn’t understand the core until I left. With me there was also a mix of fear (blackmail etc) and some how when the bad is over, you learn to hold onto whatever good you can get. It’s really hard when you still love them. I’m waiting on God to move if that’s His will. But I found something something online which is amazing. Check this: My Dear Disbeliever,
The narcissist, being the Messiah of pain and resurrection, came into your life to fulfil a Godly duty…
They came into your life to bring about your spiritual reincarnation…
The narcissist was sent to you by the grace of God to lift the veil of confusion before your eyes… Confronting you with your pagan ways…
Practicing heresy and idolatry… the worship of humans..
The narcissist came to show you the consequences of your weak faith… Your frail beliefs…
That led to your eagerness to have your mind, body and soul overrun by a stranger….
For if you were of strong belief… Your soul couldn't be compromized by honeysweet words, whispered in your ear… seducing you to worship your tempter…
The Messiah of pain and resurrection wove an intricate web of deception and delusion around you…to bring about your surrender…
The surrender of your soul… that you so eagerly wished to gift the narcissist…
Once your surrender was achieved.. the following divine measure of your forced evolution was set in motion…
God's Wrath…vengeange….
Your damnation….THE DISCARD…
By executing this final and necessary sanction…The messenger of God stripped you of all your fallacious beliefs and convictions….
Stripping you naked before yourself and God….
Naked and ashamed….
Ridiculed for your sacrilegious behavior…. Your pagan ways….
This rebirth coerced you to rid yourself of your misleading and disastrous belief of a mere mortal being your savior….
The Messiah of pain and resurrection set you straight in the name of God….
And as a phoenix you rose from the ashes….
Never to worship a mortal again…
By Sophia Bell on Quora
🥲Thank you for this.
I stayed 18 yrs-because a pastor told me to….he left & I Thank&Praise God he did, waiting on divorce hearing.
I'm sorry you went through that, glad you're out🙏🏿 stay safe and hope it's over sooner than later
@@Tooth_Fairy Thank you.
God is all merciful-wonderful! And in those dark moments his mercy showed in abundance. I now understand his Grace kept me sane-Those yrs now seemed like seconds with his Holy embrace.
I was new to Christianity and believed it all like a child without praying first.
But even the worst experiences God works amazingly from them. 🙌🏽❤️ 🙏🏾
@@marie7212 God bless you sister! I too stayed with my abusive husband because I really believed God would never forgive me if I divorced him. Thankfully, he ended up leaving and it was such a relief. Like you, I'm still going through the divorce process after 3 years. He not only walked away from me but also our child whom he refuses to contact and refuses to send a penny for. But through it all God has been good to us, God bless you sister! God is near to the brokenhearted!
It’s nice to see a Christian Man delve into the issue of domestic violence without judgement.
As a Christian woman, I can say that non-Christian men tend to be much more understanding and empathetic at the mention of past abuse.
It should not be this way!
Please pray for me and my daughter. I left her dad and moved to another state 3.5 years ago. After years of threats, he finally moved to my state. He’s currently 1.5 hours away, but I think he’s looking at houses near me. He calls my family and tries to get them on his side and I think he may be succeeding (I have a toxic family). He’s emotionally and sexually abusive (my daughter was conceived via sexual assault). He’s a narcissist. I’m scared he’s going to try to get and achieve 50% custody of my daughter. He’s a master manipulator. Please, we need your prayers. Thank you!
How are you doing now?
HOW IS YOUR SITUATION NOW?
YOU'RE IN MY PRAYERS.
P.S. I'VE BEEN MARRIED TO A NARC, FOR ALMOST 16 YEARS.
THE DAILY MENTAL, EMOTIONALLY EMPTY, VERBAL ABUSE, SEXUAL ABUSE, CURSINGS, ETC. IS A DEEPER PAIN THAN WHAT A FIST CAN DO.
I'M A 100% DISABLED VETERAN OF 42 YRS IN THE ARMY.
HE IS 100% DISABLED VETERAN OF 22 YRS IN THE AF.
WE ARE 70, & 72...
KIND OF "TOO LATE IN THE GAME FOR ME."
ESCAPE YEARS AND DECADES OF TORMENT WITH THESE TOXIC VAMPIRES...WHILE YOU ARE YOUNG AND ABLE TO
"MAYBE" BE BLESSED WITH A "REAL LOVE" FROM AN UNBROKEN, EMPATHETIC, GODLY SERVENT LEADER HUSBAND!
DO NOT STAY TO WIN HIM TO CHRIST.
LEAVE....AND PRAY FROM AFAR!!
I MISS PEACE,
I MISS LAUGHTER,
I MISS INTIMACY OF THE HEART,
HOWEVER...I HAVE JESUS.
HE IS MY REASON TO LIVE,
HE IS MY REASON TO REJOICE,
HE BRINGS ME PEACE, JOY AND LAUGHTER,
THROUGH HIS SPIRIT,
BUT NO ONE WITH FLESH & BONES ATTACHED.
BUT...."IF CHRIST BE FOR ME....?"
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve shared the 3 hour video. Thank you for doing what you do Mike.
My heart breaks for all of the people I’ve known over the years who were truly getting the crap beat out of them on a daily basis, and perpetually advised (even manipulated in some cases) by leaders to stay.
😭🥺
Why isn't church discipline being done on such obvious things that you describe? Did the guy stay in jail but wasn't disciplines by the church? What about 1 Corinthians chapter 5 and Matthew 18m
@@truthisbeautiful7492 I should've said that this was done at unbiblical churches I attended years ago. There was not much regard given to what the Bible says about most things. This issue and others were not addressed with church discipline. In retrospect, I believe it was for the leadership to keep up appearances before the other congregates. So sad. We were all ignorant then.
@@manestage5403 I understand. The scriptures bring sinners to faith in Jesus, so when they are ignored all sorts of false teaching and false practices flourish.
The warning at the beginning and also the “guard your heart”… man oh man
So thankful that there are pastors like you Mike who will stop and truly give a biblical warning and answer . My ex wife had cheated on my for a number of years, super long depressing story …. I remember being in a daze when everything sorta snapped , and oddly enough my in-laws took me to a “Christian” counselor they had been seeing.
I couldn’t think straight , I had no idea what do to… and I remember it like it was 5 minutes ago even though it’s been a few years,
The counselor said, no problem , just divorce her so it wakes her up and then after she’s done messing around just marry her again 🤦🏻♂️…. I know infidelity is different than abuse…. But anyone out there that is going through any major life changing situation…. Please please guard your heart and get those you know are solid believers to pray for you … I’m
Not saying seeing a counselor or getting help isn’t bad, just be careful. I got so much sideways advice and it took some time to really sort it out.
Infidelity is actually a form of abuse... it's emotional abuse. Many don't realize it and downplay the amount of pain it causes the betrayed.
I’ve been separated from my spouse for over three years know. More than a handful of spiraling arguments ended physically. We both had anger issues and my past trauma would prevent me from dealing with my anger or situational fear in a healthy way. I’ve been through counseling, I’ve been through trauma therapy and I’ve focused on a much simple approach of forgiveness, grace, love and mercy. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I wish I had done it 23 years ago.
I didn’t take responsibility before and sure didn’t view marriage as you’ve put it, “reflecting Christ and the church” until the last three years. It’s been a humbling season of learning.
I’m still hopeful of reconciliation but also know there are consequences to my behavior and now I’m focused on her safety and long term healing. I just pray it is focused on Christ. She is very angry with God for allowing this to happen and just as angry with me for doing it. Plus her own trauma and childhood issues she has never faced.
I know it’s a purposeful season to grow from who we were, who the world was trying to make us and focus on who God would like us to be. I focus on this as His path and plan for our hearts.
Whether she returns or not I ask that you pray for her to realize Jesus is the strength and focus she needs. I also ask selfishly for the strength to do the same and let her go gracefully if that is what she eventually decides to do.
It’s been a vacillating few years and I’m not sure what she desires anymore. It’s a weird place to be as a husband to pray she has everything she desires but also pray that everything not important to be stripped from her so that she can focus on Christ.
It’s also weird to know what she likes, but too not know what she is like anymore, If that makes sense.
This is one of the best videos I've ever watched. The Lord is with you, pastor WInger.
I think common sense and safety need to be at the forefront of people's minds. Love does not hurt. I like what he's saying. Abuse is dangerous.
Pastor Mike goes the extra mile through his work and for that...we thank you Wing Man! love you brother!!
This can definitely be applied to abusive elders in different cultures. In my culture, families remain under the authority of their elders (mostly uncles and older men).
Even though I'm not in an abusive marriage, my husband comes from a verbally abusive and neglectful family. I still find this video so encouraging. My husband and I made the decision to move away from his mother last night. We're secretly looking for a small place we can afford. In my culture, it's the responsibility of the youngest son to care for his parents as they grow old. All of my husband's life, he's been gaslighted and verbally abused into submission by his uncle's (some who are pastors) and his mother while they also demand him to stand up and be a man. He feels abandoned by his siblings because they don't give him any support... They only want him to live a life suitable in their eyes. I have witnessed it so many times in the two years we've been married and I've also been gaslighted by them to submit to their demands... I have been praying if our decision is the right one because I am so afraid of facing more verbal abuse and gaslighting for "rebelling". The verses you read from really helped push all of my doubts away. Please pray my husband doesn't give into the abuse... He's been so broken by it and now he needs to fight to protect me and our marriage...
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!
I suffered domestic abuse for years but was lead to believe that as a Christian I should remain in that awful situation which was also having a very negative affect on my children. I did eventually leave but have been carrying a weight of guilt for some time. Hearing your explanation of scripture has removed that weight completely!
Thank you for speaking on this! I wish I had this knowledge and support years ago! I took physical abuse for years from my spouse, always thinking I needed to stay for biblical reasons. I can’t tell you how many times my life was threatened. I stayed, miserable and felt alone, bitterness and resentment began to fester in my heart so much so that I really believed at that time the only way out was to seek comfort outside of my marriage so I sinned and was unfaithful. That created a whole set of issues. I knew it was wrong but I was desperate because I didn’t believe divorce was an option. That’s how twisted my head was at the time. I’m still currently legally married to my spouse (living separate). I’m unhappy and confused. My regret was to not get out sooner! My daughters went through the worst and I feel guilty for it every single day, it’s not worth it. If anyone is in this situation get out asap!
As a Christian woman it is easy to believe that staying is what God wants you to do. Sometimes the abuser will use scripture to keep you in the marriage. They will use “God hates divorce” to keep you stuck. This is why a personal relationship with God and staying in his word is necessary to make the best decision.
Thank you so much, Mike. I'm being trained in Biblical counseling which is so good. However, some of the older teachings for biblical counseling out of Master's seminary that was listening to were concerning. They did say abuse was mandatory reporting and that women and children need to be protected, but the stronger message was that women are prone to exaggerate and we need to keep them in the home when at all possible. It felt like it would encourage the undiscerning to side with a husband who could be manipulative and abusive. We need discernment, for sure.
Lol you sound like one of those feminists just trying to justify sin no surprise
Wow, we i told my pastor there was no mandated reporting.Did not know this was a mandate i am shocked.
Exactly what "St John" MacArthur promotes!
Thanks Mike for this brief address dealing with abuse. Instone-Brewer is a great help in trying to grapple with Gods mercy and the serious issue of divorce.
After extensive seeking God through His word and time in prayer, and seeking the church, this is exactly what God spoke to me when my first husband had attempted to strangle me, “you, as my child’s (and your safety) is more important than the covenant you made in My name.”
Thank you for this teaching, having been someone who was told By some in the church I didn’t have grounds for divorce by Biblical standard, this is important for women and men who have been raised “divorce is not an option” to hear when their safety is at risk.
I am thankful for the 3 hour video too. I will share when people come to me asking about divorce because it is thorough and pretty exhaustive teaching and heeds the warning don’t make claims to validate what your heart wants. God knows what is really in your heart and your situation.
I was in an abusive marriage for over 20 years. I am thankful for the pastoral and family of God around me at the time that applied these truths to my life and walked with me on my way out. This requires much wisdom and godly men and women to be actively involved in your life to see and protect. I think that faking this is not possible if you have that. I wouldn’t have put that caveat in front of what you say about leaving an abusive person. Abuse is always emotional and psychological before it is physical. Thank you for biblically laying out the case for fleeing this type of marriage so clearly.
This is question has been a major issue for me and you have answered it very well.... Thank you
Hard topic. Your brave to give us guidance in such a passionate topic.
I felt pulled while going through the comment section to tell say, I love you brother. I am glad your a Christian.
As a child who survived domestic violence from many step parents of my mom I thank you for the advice. Its not just the women who suffer. The children suffer too. In my case it was a daily beating by my drunk stepfather mad at me for bring home schoolwork.
That is sorry to hear. But we are to forgive nonetheless
Thanks Mike, that has been my biblical stand for years; I have copped my fair share of criticism for it, too!
Great topic and much needed! This is why we should use common sense in situations like this. A person who tells a woman to stay in abuse marriage clearly hasn’t been in one herself. We must always help the victim because one day it might be too late. Being beaten up by husband doesn’t glorify God by any means.
My friend’s daughter was almost beaten to death last summer by her husband (now ex). It wasn’t the first time he laid a hand on her either. Every woman should be taught, that if a man hits her, it’ll happen again, and that she should flee.
Thank you, pastor Mike. I have known several people in abusive situations, and I view it as a great mercy that sexual immorality so often goes hand-in-hand with severe abuse. It's a terrible thing, but it can be easier on the abused spouse when the situation is black and white like that. If I heard of a situation in my church where a man was abusing & endangering his family, I'd hope that leadership would Matthew 18:17 the abuser for their unrepentant sin, not the spouse who is being abused. There is no place for abuse in a Christian household, and it breaks my heart to see that there are so many people who have had to go through it.
And 1 Corinthians chapter 5!
Thank you Mike for dealing with this subject that I know got many of us heated up about inside your Facebook group.
I appreciate the biblical wisdom
Thank you sir! All these topics on marriage and issues concerning women in the ministry have been so good. I spend hours watching you and writing notes on the points you make along with my own prayers and research. I appreciate the work you do. God bless you! My husband and I watch your content as we munch on gummy bears! 👍
Thank you for this, brother! I think we could even place this into the "unevenly yoked" passage principles from Paul, without getting unbiblical with it. We're called to peace, not abuse, endless conflict, and strife - especially in the most holy of unions. AGREED ALSO, Mike, when you stressed that this doesn't apply to people who (for whatever reason) just "want out" of a marriage, then concoct abuse testimonies to try to legitimize it to themselves and others. We have to be careful to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, as you stated. Excellent!
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Wow, the comment section, there's a lot of volatility attached to some topics. Very thankful for your sound teaching and the careful way you work through these issues. Praying for you, Mike, and again, very thankful for you!
Love your content. This has been the best breakdown I’ve heard and sits well with my soul. Maybe I can have full peace now. God bless
Thank you for speaking up, this may be so so freeing for many people
My wife became abusive to the point that they took our daughter and placed her in foster care. My wife took off and I spent two years getting my kid out of the foster care system and part of that was promising to leave the state. Me and my daughter left and I spent another year getting a divorce, but it ate me up and I was so unsure if I made the right decision. I am no longer unsure, thank you so much for this. I am in tears. I did not want my marrige to fail and prayed for it to come back, but there is no going back and I know the abbuse would continue and if they took my kid into foster care again I would not get her back.
I believe there’s an abundance of clarity in your understanding of the scriptures.
Bless you and thank you.
I love how you have a video on LITERALLY every religious topic I have ever become randomly curious about
This is great Mike. I appreciate this I never connected the dots there. I appreciate this.
I have a family member who has a husband that beat her and molested her 2 small children under age 5. Both a girl and boy. The church she was involved with this, including a family member who is a pastor. Both pastors encouraged her to stay with her husband (knowing what he did). She stayed with him and the kids lived a horrible life. The family member is 16 years older than me, so I had no power in the situation to involve CPS (I was close to the same age of the kids). I think it’s disgusting that 2 pastors worked together to keep this abusive marriage together. Now the kids are adults and have massive problems in life from all the horrible abuse and watching their mother be abused almost daily.
I can’t believe pastors would encourage this. I stay clear of that denomination!!!!!
I can't believe it's already been almost 2 years since the main teaching was released! I didn't believe it & had to check 🤣
Yes, time fly...thank you Sarah for all you do...it was 2 years ago also that I seeked councel through Pastor Mike ministry and you got in touch with me.
Your emails and councel at the time, confirmed the direction God was leading me to.
Praise God for how God continues to transform us more and more in Christ' like charactere.
For the past 2 years, I have had a sisters gathering at my house once a month; reaching out to my local community in the name of Jesus and after a year and a half without a local church to go to, God has directed me to this new church for the past 4 months.
May God bless you and your family.
Shalom in the love of Christ Jesus🙏
@@corinneperegrini6003 Praise God! I remember you, sister! God bless you!
@@sarahfaith316 Thank you for your blessings😊 so kind of you to remember me🙏 I praise Pastor Mike Winger's ministry and everyone involved with his ministry, because when I couldn't find a Pastor, he became my pastor...all the way from Australia 😊 praise God for all his videos teachings that help me grow in undertanding of the Word of God. I share his ministry to many because he is one of the rare one on internet that is truly being biblical, even if I might not agree with everything (mostly secondary stuff).
I'm glad you got better, keep on taking vit. C ; vit.D3+K2 ; Zinc ; Gluthathione and NAC supplements to keep your immune system strong as well as eliminating from the body any potentially dangerous substances from the "experimemtal injection".
Blessings 🙏
💖love all that you bring out here Mike, thanks so much. I have never heard teaching like this
I wish more pastors and leaders in church had this awareness, knowledge and perception like you do. I wish I saw this video years ago when my church sided with my abuser and actually paid for his rent that summer as well as encouraged me to "stick it through" as divorce was a sin.
So well said!! Great insight!! Thank you!
I thank you for this and your 3hr deep dive on the topics.
I was in an abusive relationship, my wife would throw things, hit me, gaslight me, and say I was not a Christian since I did not support certain progressive cultural movements.
she finally left after I would not break and kept my faith of saying what the Bible says is right is right and what it says is wrong is wrong.
I was also then attacked by many Christian leaders too, since they don't think men can truly be abused and if a divorce happens it is the man's fault, doing the whole "FireProof-isms" of "you should have tried harder", "your wife rebelled because you are not following God correctly", or "the man's job is to love the wife no matter what, just like Jesus to the Church". They took all free will and choice from my wife and blamed me for her actions and what she did to me. This is my major gripe against Church marriage counsellors, so seeing you avoid all those was really encouraging.
I appreciate your words and your lessons, they have been a balm and soothing to my soul, helping me get over much of the trauma that has caused and frankly still working through.
It’s interesting to hear the spiritual abuse from the man’s side as well. The church really needs to evaluate how it responds to broken marriages. It appears the messaging coming from spiritual leaders hurts both men and women. Thank you for sharing.
@@MrsYoung-in9ov yeah the church I am in now is great and helped me grow pass the abuse and overcome it.
but I had some terrible Christian counsellors who would tell me "yeah your wife abused you, but Christ loves the Church no matter what, so you need to overlook that and just love her more." "oh she cheated on you, well so did Hosea's wife, and also we not following Christ is like adultery too, so you need to be like Christ and just forgive and forget her adultry" "You know if you just did more and loved her more she wouldn't do these things"
it was abuse and gaslighting from them, sadly one of those counsellors was a former friend of 5 years.
Thank you Mike Winger! All I've got to say is THANK YOU!!!
Excellent wisdom here Mike! I saved this video in my YT folder labeled "Good stuff"
Thank you, Mike! Thank you so much! 🙏🏼
It's good that you made this video 👍
Holy Spirit said I would be made whole. Thank you, for this word. I feel so free!! I fled to save my health, my life and that is a GOOD thing!
Thank you for speaking out! It's bad enough to be terrified of the man you married, and then when a church tells you that you are in sin for having left a dangerous/abusive marriage (even if you have remained single) - their posture is almost worse than the original problem. Where do you go in that case? I know you go to the Lord and to a different church. But this is serious stuff.
This may have helped me, if things had gone differently between my ex wife and I. I was in a narcissistically abusive marriage, and I was only just beginning to realize something was off, when she abandoned the marriage altogether (I wasn't reacting to her abuse, so no "supply"). As it happened though, I divorced for abandonment (1 Cor 7:15), instead of abuse, once I saw the abuse for what it was.
I’ve been told to stay in my marriage where there was abuse. Things got worse. The mental and emotional abuse has been the worse. I feel trapped. My husband uses the Bible to keep me. He feels like because he’s “changing” I should be okay. But the damage has already been done.
Leave for your sanity. God is not a God of abuse n power. Only you get to decide who and what you won't put up with. Remember you teach others how to treat you. I hope you gave a good support system .
There are some very good videos on narcissism and wonderful counselling for victims like yourself.
A most beautiful and godly woman - Shaneen Medji is a truly anointed woman on this.
Very Good! Thank you Mike...as i had to wrestle through this in my own situation the Lord brought to mind all of the points you brought up!
So many men (I'm sure men too, but I've only seen women) in the comments that went through so much. I'm however glad you all know you did the right thing by leaving, stay blessed❤️
Thank you for posting this!! I watched the video this came from and it helped me so much!! My therapist said that some of the ways my ex-husband abused me were some of the same ways they torture people in prisoner of war camps. He never abused our daughter, but she lived in a toxic environment for the first ten years of her life and developed an eating disorder that didn't start healing, in spite of seeing professionals, until I took her and left him and moved in with my parents. My psychiatrist said I might have saved her life by doing that. I was so happy after I watched the original video because I felt like I finally got some answers on a subject a lot of teachers seem to shy away from--reality!!! And--my ex was a pastor ten of the twenty-two years we were married. Thank you and God bless you!
That is what is scary, that men who claim to be Christians, pastors even, abuse their wives. I’ve heard and read about it many times. I was in an emotionally abusive, destructive and toxic marriage for 28 years and finally had the courage to get out thanks to my 20 year old daughter who pressured me to do so. I had him removed from the house 8 months ago and it was the right thing to do. My husband was never physically abusive to me or the kids but his unchecked and out of control anger and substance abuse has caused severe damage to the kids. My husband also is an unbeliever and I accepted Christ 5 years into our marriage and thought I was supposed to stay because of what Paul says in I Corinthians 7 that if your husband is not a believer and he’s willing to live with you then you don’t divorce him. After listening to Pastor Mike’s 3 hour research on this topic I realized that my separation because of abuse is just as if the unbeliever has departed. I have not filed for divorce yet but I am considering a legal separation. Any advice? Thank you Pastor Mike for speaking into this topic! God bless your ministry
@@triciamullen4682 My biggest regret was that my daughter was 10 before I got her out of the toxic family we were in. I should have left him the day I brought her home from the hospital, but it took a lot of therapy before I could finally leave! It's so sad that children have to get affected by these toxic people! I'm so happy you are out of that marriage. Isn't it great just to live in peace?
@@lesliewells1062 it sure is great to live in peace! I always knew it was bad but until I got out of it that’s when I realized how destructive it really was and I regret putting four kids through it. But God was faithful throughout the years and I am just trusting him for the next step
Thanks for sharing your situation, I’ve read a lot of these comments and they are so encouraging, it’s a place I never thought I’d be after so many years and I don’t ever want to go back to that
@@triciamullen4682 I'm so happy you are out of that situation!!! We get so used to be abused that we get almost numb to it, even though it still hurts and damages us, but then, like you said, when you finally get away from you, you realize how bad it really was. I was married for 22 years and knew him 25, and after I left him, I never once, not even for one second, ever missed him. I never once thought, I wish he was here. The day I left him was scary, I did it in a public place, but when I got back in the car, my only feeling was relief and I'm finally free!!!
@@lesliewells1062 wow!! I feel the same way
I did miss him at first because it was so shocking the way it happened and I had hopes that we could work things out but I realized after 4 or 5 months that he wasn’t ready to change
I feel so free and happy and I really don’t miss him
I know the only way I could ever go back is when he accepts Christ because then he will truly be a new man
Until then we are unevenly yoked and sadly to say I feel like I have moved on, my life is great now
Some of these comments and experiences women have had, at the hands of their abusers, are heart-breaking! I am so sorry for all those who have received terrible (and in some cases fatal) counsel. I hate the way that the wicked justify evil actions, by twisting the word of God!
Thank you this has opened my heart and mind to this issue. Totally agree
He used to say he’d go to heaven, that he was a good man … then he strangled me, kept me short of money even though I earned it, cheated on me three times; finally called him out when he was romancing a woman the same age as our elder daughter. His abuses were numerous and I excused them, made his autism and poor childhood as reasons why he felt safe to abuse me; the abuses weren’t a compliment! I had two breakdowns and our daughters suffered tremendously. One day I woke and asked for a divorce, almost four years ago; my heart is still broken but we’re healing. He’s cut all contact with us all.
I agree with Pst. Mike. I think that the principal behind that command is that what God has joined let noone separate. The wife and husband are joined via their bodies and so if one cheats then they have ripped apart what is one. I think that if someone is seriously abusing their spouse they are also ripping apart what is one
It amazing me how we rationalize things differently over time. At one time a woman was actually considered property of her husband. In the 1960’s my mother encouraged my sister to stay in an abusive marriage. I am sure in another 200 years person will continue to rationalize differently.
@@skippy675 I’m not sure I want to know. It’s not going really good in so many ways. Stay safe.
@@skippy675 I agree. Thank you.
Back then people manipulated based on greed. Just like what would have been considered a “Christian” ruler/idea back then wasn’t actually biblical. People abuse and twist everything to appeal to the self and this is what I’ve noticed studying history and what I see today.
Married to an abuser. Finally saw what he was doing, and realized he'd never stop hitting me. Long story short, I discovered he is back with his ex and he punched her, too. This happened 2 weeks ago and I found out last week. Thank God I made the right call.
Amazing breakdown. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing this principle. It is good info related to a broader question I have been chewing on for the last year . . . "When does rebellion become an act of righteousness?"
When I read exodus and saw that the Hebrew midwives had to lie to protect male children from their lives being taken then I realized there is some “righteous rebellion” you can call it. It gets more complicated with other things but yes, sometimes some form of rebellion can be done in righteousness. They opposed the ruler of the Egypt, and Daniel opposed the law when he kept praying to God.
This was excellent. I've always wondered why breaking the vow of "cherishing" (among other things) the other person had no consequences. If the abuser has broken his/her vow(s), how does that not break the covenant?
Thank you so much for doing this video 🙏🏻
Been in this situation. I appreciate your ability to point out that there are exceptions to the law for those who really need to leave and are wrestling with the choice of disobeying God or staying in an unsafe situation. I sure do wish I had a better understanding of the scripture way back when I went through this. But I knew Christ forgives. That was my saving grace.
A way I approached this recently was with the thought of what Jesus said about how divorce was permitted through Moses because the people were of hard hearts... Ideally a Christian marriage should have two people with soft hearts (not perfect of course, but generally mature, emotionally intelligent and more importantly, renewed by the Spirit)... But it doesn't always turn out that way, and I think in cases of [cold-hearted unrepentant] abuse (which on its own is already a breach of the marital covenant to love and protect), the case ought to be taken to God, humbly and in all "pain and honesty", for an annulment to be made
Struggling with this currently. My wife is verbally and financially abusive. She has been physical on a couple occasions, breaking things, pushing me, punching me once, throwing things at me a couple times. She used to sit on the kids and berate them. No one in town likes her, I do not even like being in public because of how abrasive she has become to everyone in her life. I know that should I divorce her, she is going to drag me and the kids through the mud, I also know she is going to make accusations, I know this because I was trying to leave her in 2017 and she threatened me with what she would say and do should I actually follow through with leaving her. The local church, eh, they are not helping other than "You should do everything in your power to mend the marriage." Well, I have been for years and she is only getting worse, she does not want to change!
As a man, this is difficult, there are no resources and the lawyer said the chances of me getting full custody, even with the recordings I have is slim because the courts always favor the woman. So it may be best to tolerate this till the kids move out of the house in 10 years and then I can move on with my life. I had to call a woman's abuse line to get information back in September. . .
Sorry to say, but the longer you stay, the worse it will get.
May the Lord deliver you in Jesus name I pray!
Thank you. I needed this right now. Shalom in Yah. ❤
I literally had this question for a while thanks a lot 🙏🙂
I was mentally abused for years, but my son was also treated badly, untill my husband treathened him. My husband left and wanted to come back but I was scared my son would hurt him. My son is done with everything. My health suffered and I lived in stress and hurt. I am not sure what to do.
Pastor Mike appears to only justify physical abuse as a reason for divorce but I wonder how many Christians, him included, realise how damaging mental and emotional abuse is... Even though it doesn't leave visible bruises the victims often fall into debilitating depression and growing up in this kind of toxic relationship, damages the children too - as is the case with your son. I can't advise you what to do but I do see that the very real and very long-term trauma of mental and emotional abuse is often not validated. I stuck it out in a marriage like that for 22 years and honestly, I wish he had slapped me in the first few months... Because then I would have recognised the mistreatment for what it is. Mental and emotional abuse are so insidious that people don't realise what they're dealing with until their mental health collapses.
A great South African theologian & author, Michael Cassidy, has also pointed out that there are "exceptions to the rules that God gives us," which he terms "situational ethics," but he also cautions us to be very careful about applying these exceptions, and stresses they really are exceptions. The example he gives is this: if a woman in extreme distress runs past you shouting that a gang of would-be rapists are pursuing her, when the gang comes running up to you asking which way the woman went, it would be the right thing to do to to lie to them and tell them she had gone in the opposite direction than the route she had taken. Despite the commandment not to lie. I agree with both Mike & Michael Cassidy in this regard completely. Regarding divorcing an abusive, alcaholic husband, having tried all possible avenues including Christian counselling and AA (he lied during counselling & continued drinking whilst attending AA), I made the decision to divorce him. Our 2 children had become old enough to see and hear his abuse & I was concerned about them as well as being thoroughly miserable & constantly in tears myself. I honestly believe I did the right thing. I never remarried, but wonder whether it would have been right in God's eyes to do so.
Yes, this teaching is a good example of situational ethics. We all need to know how to use those.
@Mike winger. Onething I would point out not all abuse is physical, I'm a married man of 38 years and I was the person who caused the start of our marriage been on a downward spiral. I'm not taking about divorce but many many Christians stay in a marriage because of guilt. All I'm saying is you can't cover every situation in such a short video. But may I add thank you for all the wisdom I have gotten from your videos. Keep up the fantastic work.