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Secret Service Agent: STOP Being The "Nice Girl" & Enter Your Bad B*tch Era! | Evy Poumpouras
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
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On Today's Episode:
Check out Evy’s Book: Becoming Bulletproof here: amzn.to/3vOnPAQ
Do you find yourself being spoken down to, disrespected, or repeatedly walked on by others? Do you later wish you had spoken up for yourself and had a confident presence that commanded respect? On this episode of Women of Impact, Former Secret Service Agent and Author Evy Poumpouras sits down with Lisa Bilyeu to discuss such matters and more as they explore how to handle disrespect and stick up for yourself in all situations. They talk about how to defend yourself in a non-physical way, the power of self control, how to walk away from people in your life that need to be let go, how to deal with being spoken down to, and personality red flags to watch out for.
Purchase Evy’s book, “Becoming Bulletproof”: www.amazon.com...
SHOW NOTES:
Handling Disrespect | Evy shares a story of handling disrespect as a secret service agent. [2:57]
Defend Yourself | Evy reveals the importance of defending yourself in a non-violent way. [7:02]
Self Control | Evy discusses the elements needed to non-physically stand up for yourself. [7:24]
Common Denominator | Evy shares her story of recognizing and owning her temper. [8:56]
Trust | Evy describes conditional and unconditional trust and our emotional responses. [11:18]
Own Your Response | Evy shares the power of owning how you respond to situations. [14:37]
Walk Away | Evy shares when to know it’s time to walk away from someone. [19:38]
Phones | Evy shares why you should be open with your phone in a relationship. [20:22]
Jealousy | Lisa discusses handling jealousy in her relationship with Tom. [22:42]
Starts With Trust | Evy reveals how to handle the fine line of jealousy in a relationship. [24:03]
Size Doesn’t Matter | Evy discusses the importance of how you carry yourself. [27:00]
Persona Red Flags | Evy discusses the two types of personas to watch out for. [31:20]
Being Spoken Down To | Evy and Lisa discuss how to handle being spoken down to. [33:50]
Letting Go | Evy discusses her process of letting someone go and moving on. [38:47]
Connect | Evy shares how to connect with her and follow her. [40:56]
QUOTES:
“You’re not going to own my response to you, I’m going to own it.” [16:39]
“You get what you tolerate.” [18:56]
“My success in standing my ground wasn’t really about my physical strength, it was about my mental conviction. I had to speak with confidence to make sure those who heard my message, heard it clearly the first time and when I did act, I had to do it so in a way that assured it would not be mistaken for weak or uncertain of my abilities." [27:05]
Photo Credit: Peter Hurley
FOLLOW LISA BILYEU:
Instagram: bit.ly/2TIsoKh
CZcams: bit.ly/2IAbTcH
Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW
FOLLOW EVY:
Website: evypoumpouras.com
Instagram: / evypoumpouras
Facebook: / evypoumpouras
Twitter: / evypoumpouras
I was a people pleaser until I got cancer. Than I realized people don't really care. Until then I thought I had the best friends and family in the world and I was doing everything (even at my own expense) to please them because I thought that's what I should do. Now I learned (the hard way) that I am keeping myself alive and I am my own best friend. I respect myself a lot more.
2023: UPDATE
I just wanted to give an update after 2 years now, thank you for all your comments, I've read them all through this time as they kept coming, every single one was much appreciated. Today, I am doing good! I've finished all of my cancer treatments, I moved from the city to the countryside and I got married! What I wanted to say to every single good soul reading this is - never lose hope. Sometimes my life felt like a huge disaster, there were some seriously hard times, but I just kept on living day by day until it got better. If I could give one advice from all of this painful experience, it's that in order to live your life peacefully and to be healthy, you NEED to cut some friends and even family members from your life. I'm sure you know who that is in your life. I fought against having to make that decision, because I was a huge people pleaser, but cutting those people out truly saved me. That is the ONLY way. They will never stop draining you, until YOU stop them by walking away. Now I have couple of friends and family members that appreciate me and vice versa, and that is more than enough. I could finally concentrate on myself and starting my own family. That's when my life started getting better. I hope this update brings you hope and I pray for every one of you!
It’s painful to hear that you had to learn it that way...but No way is better than your way...life knew why it did it this way....you lost nothing...you gained a lot of time you didn’t have to spend self sacrificing and inauthentic .
All the best to you,take care of yourself
I didn’t have cancer but I became chronically very sick , everyone disappeared 😭 now I live in my music and children
Exactly same happened to me few years ago and I am in therapy since to learn to love, care and put myself first, set boundaries and say No without feeling guilty.
Yes. I couldn't have said it better. I lost nearly everybody when I attempted to and nearly succeeded in committing suicide, it was a hard slap in the face that I needed to reevaluate who I spent my time with.
Jenny B
In the end they didn’t disappear...Because they were never truly there anyway.
People that are superficial are superficial with everyone,also themselves.i wouldn’t want to be them 😂
Women need THIS type of advice, instead of '5 reasons why he is pulling away and what you can do to win him back' 😂
One thousand times yes
No kidding!! 🤔 i should post a video; "why being single is more than okay"..lol
Oh God yes!! That made me laugh😆🙏🏻
👍🏾
Omg yes lol
It took 30 years and a global pandemic but I finally realized I didn't need friends or family...as much as self respect and boundaries. People treat you as nothing but a doormat if you are too tender hearted.
That’s sooo true
Yesssssss
Yes! "What else can you do for me!", And, "I don't feel appreciated "
So true!
Yes, grow a HEALTHY skin
People don't want you to defend yourself. It took me years to get a back bone and defend myself. I stopped caring about how others feel more and care more about myself. If you put yourself last, you will always be last. I got tired of being last.
Same literally
And thats why humanhood is slowly finding it's doom. Cause slowly but surely everyone will care more about themselves then about others.
I will give you a truly good advice.
Instead of only looking for yourself, learn from your mistakes and try to help other people not making the same. And defend them if they can't fight for themselves.
It's hard. But only this way you can break the cycle. Just giving up and becoming like the people who did this to you isn't an option.
@@jasminschmalzl9734 you don't understand
@@jasminschmalzl9734 you don't know me you don't know anything about my life, please stop judging not being last of caring ONLY about myself is not what I'm about. It's about strengthening your self and demand the same respect that others want from you
@@jasminschmalzl9734 You know what, Sorry you feel the way you do
My most important lesson so far is
" 'No' is a complete sentence."
Yas!
My daughter is my person I need to stand up to. No one else can push my boundaries!
@@anauxistentialcxuxui9390 00000000000000
They can't accuse you if you say it gently NO!. They may say you are mean, No! Repeat No! They will probably ask for money No!. Or live in your House for free No,! If you don't want to, just say NO!.
I have noticed Police NEVER swear! They Are respected because They are wearing police uniform,and Have the authority and power to arrest or Fine you! It is understood. They will ask you Questions, like is this your car sir?. Think swearing is an invite, that you don't really mean NO! But when you really mean Yes!. Or thay you really mean yes, so not swearing you have more authority.I believe in God anyway!.so taking His Name in Vane, is also swearing.He Made Me And The Universe so I respect.
I had a supervisor give me a hard time in front of my techs at work. Basically said I wasn't a team player because I wouldn't work every extra shift they sent my way. I had two small kids, I had other priorities. I asked the other pharmacist to take over and asked him to the back storage room. I told him calmly that I am a team player every time I show up for *my* shift and do my job above and beyond what is required of me during that shift. I am not responsible for everyone else's shifts. I help out my partners in the store if they need coverage but I am not going to be guilted into saying yes to more hours than I agreed to and the next time he has to say something to me, I would appreciate the courtesy of the privacy I just gave him. He apologized and I was *so proud* of myself!
I'm so proud of you too and I don't even know you. I wish I would have taken the courage to tell a supervisor that was belittling me and narcissistic the very same thing.
You were the perfect balance of assertive! I'm so happy for you!
@@vfree4579 don't sweat it😓 We live and learn, as my mother has said since I was a teenager. I didn't understand then.
What you take away from the experience, is what matters. Be aware. So you live and learn.
Pulling someone to the side is SO powerful because they question “what does everyone else/specific person think the reason for privacy is?”
AWESOME!!👏👍
"Everybody at the end of the day is looking out for their self interest"
All empaths out there need to hear this once again.
It's a sad truth
@Yoy Piur Yes! well put :)
But my empath brain can't comprehendddddd
Sooo true 😎😎😎
☹️
When you stop caring what other people think, is when you can truly be yourself.
Exactly
And you'll be lonely. I know from experience. 😂 Oh well...
@@island661 better to be yourself alone, than be someone else with other people
@@Malin0908 Agree 💯
One more... "You get what you tolerate."
She's amazing.
She’s good to a point
An older woman wouldn’t be so interested in what is on her hubby’s phone!!!
I really, really do not care!!!
Every partner will meet new people and if they get great chemistry they’re gonna move on!!
Great
Yep.... You get what you settle for, as well.
Wow...I'm tolerating neighbors uncontrolled child and now I'm complaining and shes lying about me and management is takin their side...
@@sofiaruby603 ugh.....
@@redsloane879 guess I tolerated it for too long, so I get what i deserve 🙄🙄🙄
She’s right... as you grow your circle should be smaller. Not everyone is your friend or cares about your issues.
Mine is so small it’s non existent.
I agree 100%. I am currently 42 years old & I realize that the word "friends" mean less today than I would've thought just 6 years ago.
Or.. everyone grows. You don't forget about these people but they served a purpose in your life at whatever stage of growth you were on. Its a part of growing for sure.
I am 40 and I have 3 close friends and one of them includes my cousin who lives on the other side of the USA. I believe it also happens due to marriage,kids,and demanding careers. It's not that the person doesn't like you it's just that priorities change.
The realest words I ever seen written on social media @Girl2Interrupt!😳
I once read a quote that went like this; “beauty is dangerous, but intelligence is lethal”. I wish more women would apply this into their lives.
Thank you. I love this quote.
Totally agree.
Yes, emotional intelligence is what Evy is speaking about.
Yessss especially emotional intelligence ! I think being emotionally and self aware is often overlooked as well. Intellect is honestly basically next to nothing if you aren’t just as aware of your thoughts & emotions
Been teaching my daughter that since she was a toddler. My POS mother raised me to be a man's whipping post. I be damned if my daughter will have that fate.
I am crying watching this……for 45 yrs my husband has belittled & degraded me…. I just am happy to find you both. You have saved my life…I was so close to just leaving this earth. THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH 🙏💪🏻🥰
Love you
I Hope you’re ok now! Let us know if you’re not!
I hear you.
Glad your here your a fighter you will be fine
I hope you left him!!
Ladies, don't wait until your 40s to grow a spine. I lost many years to steamrollers. You are valuable and matter!
Especially don't wait till your 50's, lol
She's amazing
Thank u for your advice🤗
I wish I did it when I was disrespected for the first time.
im a guy and im enjoying this. ive been betrayed so much and mah. (not talking gf’s either....worse stuff)
"When you avoid conflict, you don't know what to do when real conflict shows up"
#recoveringpeoplepleaser
💖
omg same
@@calmdowngurl km
Exactly!👍🏻
It always comes back more aggressive
From a recovering people pleaser to other women: Work on accepting your flaws and realizing you deserve the best. People pleasing comes from a place of feeling less than.
All f us r learning something new everyday.That's why sometimes i prefer to be alone.Minding my business.
Well said, thank you🙏🏾
Sis G Official,Well said.Not u alone.Millions included including myself.
I needed to hear this today. Thank you.
You explained this really well! 😄
Thanks for the great points about accepting our flaws!
I'll remember this for next time!
When I spoke up for myself respectfully I was called the "Angry Black Woman .... thank you for this video. I will continue standing up for me. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 Thank you
Whenever i swear back they mock my feminine voice and call me a gayboy
And if you are angry, then who the hell decided that you don't have a reason to be angry??
I've found the one who triggers you is the one who pissed you off and then have the nerve to tell you to calm down. FK that
A wise person once told me that.. “I can only please one person a day.. and today ain’t your day.. tomorrow ain’t looking too good either.” That simple🤷🏾♀️
@@aleablue 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣💗💗💗💗💗💗
"You get what you tolerate." Very beautifully said. It reminds me of a quote from an old Swedish personal trainer, "You don't get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate for."
That's quite awful, I would not tolerate it :/ *Still negotiating for everyone to get what each deserves*
That's one of my favorite phrases. "People rarely get what they deserve, they get what they negotiate for." This is why attorneys are a necessary evil in the world.
Thank you for sharing that💗 Have a good life 😃
The quote has been attributed to Chester L. Karrass. He has written books, gave seminars, even founded a company teaching effective negotiation techniques.
@@FreeSpirit47 Thanks for sharing
"You're not going to own my response to you, I'm going to own it." That is GOLD
💪💪💪
Yup! That and the concept of defaulting to resilience are my favorite parts
blah blah just words. It's different when it comes to action
That is one of the most powerful things I have ever heard.
@@chompchomp7853 not if it is your default action.
The stillness in the way she sits and carry herself with a calm gaze. A lioness.
She
@@jadejaguar69 Right, an accidental typo, my mistake.
YES her eyes are so intense and deep she is beautiful and so captivating and serious love her
That gaze is what I remember from taking martial arts.
My instructor, now passed, taught hand to hand combat to the Vietnam war soldiers. He was a great master.✌️
Sit-up straight & center, make direct eye contact. It sends silent "signals" of: confidence & security. Think of someone slouched, hunched over, always looking down & away. This signals: fear & Insecurity. The perfect target for a person with nefarious intentions bc it signal to them: "Pick me! I'll be your victim!" Visually project confidence & strength - even when not feeling it (actually, even more so then.) It acts as a deterrent & form of protection; reducing risk of becoming a victim.✌️
My daughter always defended herself from bully friends and teachers.She was punished for her behaviour but she stood her ground.I offer told her be nice for your own good.I am glad that she didn’t took my advice.I realised that she knows her boundaries and she will not let anyone to cross it.I wish I was like her it would saved me from many headaches in my life.
Your daughter was right ! 😊
Y’all are both great. 🫠
Basically:
1. Ego. Master yourself and watch your ego.
2. Watch other's ego.
3. Decide if it's worth your time.
4. Remember hurt people hurt people.
Get to the root of their issues.
5. Confront things head on. Confront even the little things to get in the habit and train your brain.
6. Confrontations are usually better one on one in private, if possible.
7. Tone. Make sure you talk confident, with conviction, and with a strong voice.
8. Don't suppress emotions. Figure out how to deal with them in healthy ways head on and move on.
The biggest thing is, BOUNDARIES. Set boundaries and don't let people push those boundaries because they will keep testing you. 🙌
Thanks for taking the time to make a synopsis, it really helps retention! 👍💪💝
Well said friend 🙏
@@florence1395 thank you. 🙌
@@umijudithbey6716 your welcome! 🙌
@@lulumoon6942 Yes! Your welcome. 🙌
"The one who avoids the conflict to keep the peace, starts a war inside himself."
-- Cheryl Richardson
True
So true
Accurate.
Deep but true, don’t fight your instinct its your primitive mind letting you know its not safe
I needed to know this quote! Thank you!
"When someone gossips about others, I immediately distance myself from that person" - Exactly. The gossiper is the person we need to distance ourselves from. Sadly, the vast majority of the society would distance from the person being gossiped about. It's why Narcissists and character assassins thrive.
Happened to me and it reveals that only smart people who has wiser character can approach me without drama
Should’ve figured out sooner
@Infinity omg yes! This is sooo sad that people are soooo dense, brainwashed, heartless and brain-dead! 😢😢
I know this from personal experience. Those who gossip about others, have gossipped about me too to others.
Haven’t yet listened, but that is what I do...don’t ever listen to gossipers who are typically malicious people. If they are talking about someone else, they will talk about you too.
My nice girl personality really isn't getting me anywhere, lol...I will always be the nice girl for animals but I think I am ready to enter my bad b*tch era...this world isn't meant for a soft heart. The monsters of this world will eat any one with a soft heart.
Im over it too. 💅
Just imagine how you have allowed yourselves to be influenced negatively!!
You can still be a good girl but with a tough exterior. Don't let them see through you except the Ones that truly deserve it
Honestly speaking, I am also a nice girl. And what have come to me? Bad guys only! So I am going to become a MONSTER in order to survive in this world, too
Make people audition to be close to you. Powerful
Get real.
Problem is the narcissists always audition well😂
@@olivianichole288 some of us can’t be fooled by narcissists. However it took me THIRTY years to see the light!💔
@@olivianichole288 and for a long period of time
I do that without knowing..
When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM. Don’t try to change them just move away quickly if you don’t like what you’re observing.
Authenticity first credit the author of this quote
@@sashalawrence4786 Maya Angelou x
Dr. Maya Angelou. She earned it. Much respect.
Sometimes, you gotta give them a cold look to disapprove crossing boundaries.
yes. Believe them from the 1st time!!
The way Evy is completely still and focused as she listens to Lisa speak is absolutely unnerving (in a good way!). She doesn't nod or say 'ahuh', 'yes', 'yeah' as Lisa is speaking...the usual stuff like that, but she's just locked in with her focus and eye contact, and almost no facial expression. Imagine what she's like as an interrogator, or when she's really pissed off!... Hmm, a good lesson to learn.
lol, I think the same. She looks like she is made of steel...
Lol!!! Definitely the interrogator in her 😉
She's assessing the host for truth/b-s/weakness.
Because in our culture and society women are supposed to be “agreeable.” Evy teaches us you don’t HAVE to be 😊😉💋
She listens intently
I was "mean" when I was younger. Then I had a deep self analysis and wanted to change that because I hated that and didn't want to be that type of person. But I ended up becoming too nice and a doormat . I just don't know how to have a balance, I either turn into too mean and offensive and/or get irritated by the smallest of things, or I end up controlling that too much to the point that I don't react to anything at all.
I'm the exact same way, same exact story almost. Let me know how you've learned to navigate this :/
@@linasaidwhat still trying and failing 😅😅
I think I might know how:
So you know how they say that a narcissist puts on a mask?
Well, be that nice person that you used to be, that, carefree, unguarded person, only this time do it as a mask. But underneath be that guarded person.
That way there you don’t act and feel like such a bitch that you’ve become, hahaha! Maaan, you’ve been hurt one too many times, I tell you what! That ain’t no way to live. Don’t let them win and still control your life; just be smarter about it. That’s how I’m doing it. It’s kind of like a, “ fake it till you make it. “ only a person shouldn’t have to fake being nice but you’re going to have to now. Because your whole perspective has been changed. You know, the saying, don’t take my kindness as weakness. Well this turns out to be true. You, putting that out on display, makes you a target. So see, now you have to be careful with it. Still be nice but underneath, you’re guarded now. I watch everything that I do and how I act out in public so that I don’t attract these types. I know that it sounds weird but we’re living in a world where they’re ( toxic people ) everywhere!
@@bonnielee316 Makes sense! That's what I've been experiencing recently, especially after regretting opening up to many people after being so closed off 😅 , I share then regret sharing 🤦🏻♀️ I def like the mask idea, but kinda like a double mask, you are nice on the inside, then you put the guarded mask to protect yourself, then the nice mask on top of that to not be a bitch 🤣
Homie Keen,
Yeeesss! Hahaha! 😆🤣
She right, if you feel disrespected, unhappy, depressed by some people, its better to close the door if that makes you happy 🙏🏼
Yep. Disrespected is unacceptable....!
Sometimes is not easy when you are emotionally involved.. The brain tells you to run away.. The heart says give him an other chance (in my case) I M not strong enough. Help
@@juliebrothers6033 THIS. HAPPEND. T0. ME. A. FEW,,,M0NTH ....AG0. THIS. LADY..THAT,S. LIVE. ,S. IN. MY. BUILDING. I. WAS. WALKING. BY. HER. ...SHE. L00K,S.AT. ME. AND. T0LD. ME. Y0U. ARE. REALLY. GETTING. FATER...FR0M. THE. LAST. TIME. I. SAW...Y0U. I. SAID. BUT. T0. HER...I KN0W. THAT...BECAUSE. I. D0N,T. WEIGHT. MY. SELF. LIKE. W0W. WALK..S. T0. S0ME. 0NE. AND. SAY,S. THATS..I. HAD. NEVER. REALLY. TAIK..T0. HER...AT. ALL...I. WAS. S0. DEPRESSED...THE. H0LE. DAY. SHE. WAS. 2. SIZE...BIGER. THAN. ME. .. I. DID,T. EAT. ALL...DAY. AFTER. SHE. SAID...THAT. T0. ME.... S0. I. WAS. 0N. MY. WAY. T0. THE. GYM...T0. I. RAN. T0. WEIGHT. MY. SELF...AND. GUESS. WHAT. GUY,S. I. WAS. 100...P0UND. AND. AT. 5FT. 5. FEET. TALL. I. L00KED. FAT...W0W. BUT. I. DID. GAIN. 5. P0UND. H0W. C0ULD...SHE. TELL...I. HAD. GAIN..5. POUND..LIKE...REALLY. WHAT,S. ANY. 0F. HER..BUSINESS. THAT. I. GAIN. 5..P0UNND,S.. BUT. IT. MUST. 0F. BEEN. H0W. SHE. WAS...FEELING. AB0UT. HER...SELF..RIGHT...I. DID,T. KN0W. WHAT. T0. SAY. T0. HER...AFTER. .THAT.....S0 H0W. MEAN. IS..THAT..S0 WHEN. I. SAW. HER. A. FEW,S AFTER. THAT...I. JUST. TURN. MY. HEAD...I. DID,T. WANT. T0 FEEL. BAD. AB0UT. MY. SELF....BECAUSE. THAT. LADY. WAS. FEELING. AB0UT. HER..SELF..I. DID,T. STAND. UP. F0R..MY. SELF..BUT. I. WILL. LEARN..NEXT. TIME. I. WILL..BE. READY. F0R. ASS😅😅😅😅NEXT. TIME..I. KN0W. SHE. IS. A. HATER. WE. KN0W.....N0W......SHE. MUST. N0T. LIKE. THE. WAY. SHE. L00K..I. CAN. FEEL. WHEN. S0ME..0NE..ELSE. IS. JEAL0US. 0F. ME. G0D,S. IS. G0ING. T0. SH0W...Y0U..Y0U. WILL...FEEL. ALL. WAYS. FEEL..IT... HE. L00K,S. 0UT. F0R. US..THIS. WAS. S0. HELPFULL..ME. F0R..ME..I. S0. NEEDED..THIS. N0. M0RE. LETTING. PE0PLE..WALK..ALL..0VER. ME. N0.M0RE..0F. LETING. ANY..0NE. IN. MY. LIFE...WILL. WHEN. I. GET. THAT. STRANGE...FEELING. IN. MY. S0UL...IT,S. MY. G0D. S0UL...LOOKING. 0UT. F0R. ME..T0. BACK....AWAY....FR0M. ...THAT. PERS0N.. ..AWW. THIS. WAS. G00D.☺☺😊
Extended family and any in-laws can be the worst for that. Most of the time you should just ignore them or walk away.
@@elizabethwoods2853 I had gained a little weight and hadn’t seen my sister in five years, we planned to meet up in NY. The first thing she said to me was “you’re fat”! I was always skinny and she was a little plumper but I never disrespected her...how do you distance from a relative? ✌🏾stay strong....
Hands down to the interviewer for letting the interviewee talk. 🙌🙌🙌
what else was she supposed to do? let her sit there and be quiet?
@@B1GJOHNSTUD lots of interviewers constantly interrupt people
@@andrewabril4481 and lots of them don't..
@@B1GJOHNSTUD that's... Obvious 😐
@@andrewabril4481 yep..
"Are you worth my time? Most people aren't." I gave a big YUP to this.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
@@ganymeade5151 the first time
Mm@@ganymeade5151 mom.
No, they aren't. Love that comment. A friend told me I was arrogant for this attitude. It is not arrogance. She is just far needier than I am. I like myself and would perfer to be alone that with people who aren't very bright and can't contribute something worthwhile to my life. I could listen to Evy talk forever as Lisa said. Have to buy her book!
That's exactly what I did and now everyone is shocked!😀 I love to surprise people when they underestimate me.
Haha I hear ya!❤
“You feel dirty” when you’re around certain people. Yes. When she said that I thought: toxic/dysfunctional/bad or dark energy, etc., and ultimately I feel “dirty”and want to exit immediately.
The openly hostile, bully types are easiest to read and manage. The saboteurs who make you believe they are in your court while they plot your demise, those are the toughest to identify and defuse.
Stevie Crow .......yes and the "poor me types," the covert narcissists. They were my weakest point because it took me a very long time to see them for what they are understand their MO.
@@rosemaryreid8196 fell for that too. They need you and that feels great until inexplicably at some point they don’t. By that time you’ve invested too much. They are parasites walking!
Yes they're very manipulative, super sneaky liars and use anything you've told them against you, they try to turn all your friends and family members against you if they can, usually playing the victim card and trying to cast you as the abusive one if you stand up to them or question anything they've said or done to hurt you. Think it's the way we were brought up that leaves us open to this type of abuser. One of my parents is like that, took me decades to realise it though, I always felt sorry for them and blamed my other parent for all the problems in the marriage and our childhoods. I had to cut off all contact with them eventually for a long time, talk to them occasionally now but keep it very impersonal, I never tell them anything they could use against me. Think all my siblings have realised what they're really like now as well, thank goodness for that, because it must be so much worse to be the only one who does and be ostracised from your whole family because of their lies.
Never had much of a problem with openly bullying types, just stand up to them and they usually crumble and leave you alone after that.
Yup, exactly
That latter one took me for a go-round. It was a coworker who I thought was a friend but tried everything behind my back for months - going so far to say I faked a back injury to obtain drugs because I am a drug addict - to get me fired. When I produced evidence she said I paid off the neurosurgeon...what? She even went so far as to ask two separate coworkers (one was my boss) what my hours were because, in her words, she was going to get me fired for timecard fraud - except I wasn't committing it. Yes, massive wake up call and now I am very cautious to trust.
At 60, my pretty face and figure are gone.
I’m a poster child of “before & after.
The difference in how I’m treated is astounding.
What I’ve learned about myself is that I fly like a butterfly and sting like a bee.
We women have been trained to smile through every bit of bullshit that comes our way.
I’ve always avoided conflict and most of the time that’s the correct thing to have done.
Now, I love allowing a person to dig their grave while I wait for the right moment to pounce.
When I do... the offender doesn’t have a clue.
They hop in their grave and even pile the soil on top of themselves.
At my age I’d love it if our society was a bit more kind to old people but that’s not the case.
I inherited my mother’s truck driver mouth.
While I wish I was still considered Malibu Barbie I’m so grateful for my ability to use my words.
Best advice I can give younger women...
Listen to your inner voice.
We women have the earth’s greatest instincts we just often disregard it.
No more disregarding.
Agree. Now that I'm older, looking back women were never treated with respect, no matter the age...but it definitely gets even worse with age. Wish I had your wit and IQ with using your words. I now mostly trust my instincts and stay away from most people. Our society loves to treat older women like disposable subhumans and dump all their toxic bullshit on us.
Actually we are smarter and more beautiful than ever in our wisdom and old age it’s awesome
It’s just that the younger generations have not been taught to respect that and instead we are disposable and useless in their eyes
Good for u I can’t imagine what life must be like cussing like a truck driver to get any real respect. I would never want anyone to be affraid of me
@@VictoriaWonders only because your content being the one afraid. Its not about fear its about respect you don't fear someone you respect you adore them and look up to them people get these confused as many think they respect people they fear but its just fear and respect of boundaries that person confined them in. True respect is love and positive. Talking like a truck driver is just a form of talking its not feared by truck drivers its normal....so I'm not even sure it insights fear from anyone but might be a tool she's used to be heard and to rely the emotion or passion behind her other words. Live without fear of how others view you...it's not on you that they fear you its on them for manifesting that fear without legitimate reason.
@@marilynjohnston1858 I’m over 60 & very very strong emotionally & totally independent of everyone, but we all have one person who drains us, causing anxiety or just makes us appreciate our alone time!
Yes, low-vibrational/low-level thinking ppl will test u when you’re on a journey of high-vibrational/ high-level thinking.
"You have to watch people holesticly how they treat everyone,not just you !."
Thank you very much
Exactly! I have literally had someone say I'm cool with a known "killer", but he wouldn't harm me cause we cool! That's like saying a poisonous animal won't kill you if you are it's owner. One DOES not negate the other. You are what you, are no matter who you are dealing with. And people should be discerning of who they connect with.
Love this
@@Mischa808 yep,this was so good. Don't be naive to how different ppl treat you comparison to others. Like she said let them audition.Dont Just accept persons in the circle then remove them let them prove themselves. That's so safe.
My darling sister, respectfully, the correct spelling is holistically. Please don’t be offended. From your fellow Muslimah.
@@smz93 lol thats nothing
Some ppl just suffocate your light and energy. The moment you let them go you feel better.
Been there!
Yep!
No they don't. You let them. That is such a victim statement.
You have infinite light and energy.
@@McFraneth -I think what she's saying is that when you finally heed that inner voice...you feel the freedom. Yes-you do "let" them when you choose to keep certain people in your life. But at some point...we realize that our intuition is trying to communicate with us...to let that person go.
I love how clear-minded she is.
Also her emotional intelligence is devoid of 'fake deep'.
Spot on observation!
When a bully tries something for the first time, it's bad.
When they see you're weak or they see your kindness as weakness and bully you even more, that's disgusting and needs addressing!!
This woman is so powerful. Her self control, her emotional maturity, capacity to communicate, social grace and even down to her knowledge of the importance of knowing yourself... she’s the entire package. This is the kind of woman I want to see more of.
100%!
Working on it as we speak!
And more importantly, BE.
Amen!
True!!!
I just want to be able to argue without crying like a little girl.
Gail Spencer Choate me too. I get angry and start crying.
I read something the other day that said a lot of women do this because we’re told at a young age to not show our anger. We’re made to feel guilt and shame over it, or that we’ll be seen as being a bitch. I do it as well. The other day I was in a stressful situation that I was getting mad and upset. But I had to talk myself through what was happening and convinced myself that it was a learning moment and to pay attention to everything, each interaction etc.. I held the tears in and I felt so strong afterwards. Practice this and I believe we can control it.
I think for most people who do this (myself included) it is not a case of crying because you are angry. Sometimes it is hormonal (not period related). Sometimes it is because the anger is mixed with a healthy dose of frustration. Sometimes it has just been bottled up too long and resulted in a general outpouring of emotion along with the anger. Studies have shown that your body releases certain chemicals when you cry and that is why you fell so wrung out and in need of a nap after a hard cry - it is a literal purging. So don't be ashamed of crying when angry. It is fairly common and is (in most cases) perfectly natural and understandable. Nothing good comes of being ashamed of how you feel. You are allowed. I will say if it is because frustration or letting it build up, then you might want to look at your communication and coping mechanisms. Dealing with an issue before it becomes an issue (if possible) is always preferable and leads to a lot less stress.
Omg SAME
I have to pause and take a deep breath to re-center, maybe even count to five or something. I'm six months pregnant and the crying urge has been wild, so I've perfected this skill now LOL.
Many people interpret kindness as weakness. I refuse to accommodate that, and certain personalities try to take advantage of me based on a faulty perception. When that happens I cut them off completely. I feel that saves me heartache in the long run. If someone tries to take advantage of "nice" then you can't trust them regardless of how you present yourself.
I am just like you
Beautifully said. I feel the same way!
Ultimately I know people who use niceness to manipulate and they get people on side because they can say something nasty in such a socially acceptable way that the sheeple only recognise the lovely delivery and not the nasty message. I see through too "nice" people and their manipulations. I'm not fooled by that. Anyone who has to reaffirm how apparently nice they are are insecure.
Same though
Absolutely. Even if I can seem confident...if I see one of my gentle, sweetheart friends being disrespected, I am not ever going to consider the person giving them a hard time. Because that gentleness is a beautiful trait. I grew up as a people pleaser and now I do my best to look out for others who are not yet reformed people pleasers because they are often some of the kindest people but tend to get kicked in the teeth. I actually think it's a gift when someone shows their worst side to you. If any of their "worst side" stuff has to do with gossip, mean spiritedness, mockery of those who are different...that's it...my guard comes up. Even if they are superficially nice to me...you still can't trust them.
“What you permit, you promote.” Being the “nice girl” may please other people but in a cut throat world, it won’t sustain you and will stress you in the long run. You can forget the nice girl image and still be respectful (and respected)and professional in the workplace.
what is advice for shy nice girls who can't stand up for themselves
Start standing your ground more. If something does not feel right, say something.
@@BB23573 I try to do that but when things don't feel right I freeze for some reason like I go blank mentally and I can't say anything
@@casper1343 It’s great if you start with affirmations for yourself. Just Know that you are enough and you are strong. Also, make sure to inhale and exhale. As you do that, know to inhale confidence and exhale doubt. I’m still practicing to stand up for myself… especially at work.Try this love ❤️ :) .
@@BB23573 okay thank you 😊
Even as a guy, I find this really impactful. I've always let people walk over me. No more. It took ending with clinical depression and constant stress to get to this point, but I made it. Love this woman.
hey geniune question, if you were in conflict with someone at work, how do you handle it now? i stand up for myself almost always, but now there are people bullying me at work.. the person doing it is quite aggressive too. im gonna go to my headstaff person to solve this, idk im just looking for what other people would do in my situation i guess
@@Channiej93 Flattered you're interested in my opinion. I think you have to be careful with conflict at work and it can vary so much by industry. My environment would be more office-based (software). I would say always have some form of evidence before you go to head staff. Without it, it can make things awkward and if it gets back to the bully it could make things worse for you. You could approach it tactfully and ask the head staff hypothetical questions such as, "if there was an incident of bullying in the workplace, what kind of evidence would you need?" The way you could avoid naming people before you know exactly what they want.
@@Channiej93 Is the person over you. Is he your boss or co-worker. If he is a co-worker you can have it out with him verbally. Every time he says something respond. The worse thing you can do is stay silent, especially if there are other people around. You want to make sure that people know you will stand up for yourself. I was bullied at work too, by my boss. I didn't have trouble with co-workers because I would take them aside and have it out with them verbally or physically if they raised the stakes. But if it is your boss and the bullying has been happening you need to move on. You've already lost your job. I don't mean to sound like a smart ass but I have been in your shoes. I know what you are going through. Your mental health and your self confidence needs to stay intact. If you put up with that stuff long term it will affect you and take a long time to get over it. I wish you good luck my friend.
Hey could I borrow like $300 dollars I'll for sure pay you back this time thanks
@@Channiej93 Nip it in the bud early. If the next up the chain does nothing, go further up. My mistake at work was being to easy going and never complaining to managers or HR. I was like in the video, "not worth my energy"; meanwhile, THEY were complaining often about others for petty stuff and you look like someone who doesn't care about how you are treated. It IS worth your energy to make your boundaries known with management.
“If I’m going to waste my energy on you, it better be worth it!!” This was really great to listen to. Thanks for being REAL
People concentrate on money from both sides - one wants to get it the other wants to spend it wise but money can be earned - two other things cannot - time and energy.
Sounds exactly like a narcissist would say the big me the little you
This lady is giving real James bond vibes...so damn confident. She's fierce.
Yeah, you nailed it!
My name's Jane, Jane bond
James Bond who is disciplinedly self-reflective, not cardboard.
Hell yea.
More like
Evy Poumpouras 008
I find it more difficult when people disrespect you in subtle ways // or as a joke , "I'm just kidding relax geez why so sensitive" // or hiding the disrespected with "polite" words and tone of voice.
I tried to stand up to a higher rank colleague mocking the way I talk (imitating me in an exaggerated way) at work in front of people with everyone laughing in my face , the response I got was just laughs again from everyone watching the scene and the "surprised" looks of 'chill geez can't even joke with you'
@@antsinmypantsallday good one. I’m using going forward. Thank you.
Wow this sounds like my work environment :/ then I wonder why I'm so exhausted. I know Im not taking seriously and seen as naive so whatever I say doesn't matter until someone else says it. I'm usually quietly mad in my own head. As if that other person is aware
Office politics... that's why I hate working with primitive people and their big sick egos and ignorance.
Same. I hate those types of people. If you can see you are making the person uncomfortable, why continue? Apologize and move on. But they don’t get it.
You know what I would have done instead? Mocked them back, and ruined something at work or outside of it for them later.
Don't mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance and my kindness for weakness. 👍
I like the second one
👍
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤thanks those words of wisdom helped me
❤
Yesss!!
I love her. This is the type of woman Im working to be. I realized through this interview that I ALLOW people to treat me the way they do. I have always played the big eyed, ditzy, sweet girl, because I want to be liked. I'm very intelligent, very passionate, and very strong underneath this veneer, and people only see it when I blow my top. By then, the bridge is burned instead of asserting myself and keeping them from disrespecting me in the first place.
The sad thing is that *you shouldn’t have to seem more masculine to be respected.* If anything, being friendly and amiable should be perceived as a strength, and not a weakness to exploit. It takes ‘feminine’ qualities to be a good leader. Why devalue strengths because of seeing the ‘feminine’ as lesser?
I feel like I have the exact same experience. I have no problem standing up for myself but I always leave it too late because I want to "get along" with everyone, so by the time people realize there's a problem I am super pissed. Im actively practicing saying No and putting boundaries out early.
This world is full f hypocrisy.The more u tread them gud the more they disrespect u.When u hve a problem u will know ur true friends.2 out 10
@@happypuddle1993 : Sadly, changing the patriarchal culture will take a lot of work. Men (and many women who fall for it) have glamorized the "masculine" for so many millennia that it's a cultural ideal.
@Merci Beaucoup : When will men understand that there is a masculine and feminine component in every man? Men don't want to be seen as a "sissy" - which is a nickname for "sister": ie, "girl." Men don't want to be put in a female (lesser) role.
Over the years, I have found that most people respect strength and exploit weakness. People need rules and boundaries.
Yes, unfortunately.
Some exploit strength too!
It gets interesting when they interpret your strengths for weaknesses though :)
@@buzzwaffle jmmjjmjjjjmmmjmjmmmjjjmjjjjjmmm?mmmmmmkmmjmk
I was always trying to mend fences when I was younger. Now, I walk away easily, quickly, silently or gradually depending on the situation. I couldn't care less.
I looooove the fact that the interviewer is so professional and polite. There are some that interrupts so much that makes me uncomfortable to the point I give up watching. Thankfully, this girl has the talent. Congrats! 🇧🇷
Thank you! ❤️
Yes, if this was Oprah, Lisa wouldn't get a word out through her constant interrupting!!! Oprah is a completely shitty host and interviewer!!🙄
I agree! She’s amazing!
Yeah like fuckinh Oprah !!!
Yeah right! Unlike Oprah who knows everything her interviews has to say so she wouldn’t let them say anything!!
I was blown away when she talked about pulling back and basically ghosting people that don't serve you anymore. I had to do it once, and I felt guilty AF for doing it, thinking I had done something toxic, but truth is... When you're done, when you really feel it in your bones, you're done. When there's no room for improvement - when years have passed, and no compassion is shown, only abuse, no matter how many times you tried to speak up - you're ALLOWED to be done. To walk away, and you don't have to feel like a victim. Of course the other person will do anything in their power to make you feel guilty for their mistakes, but at the end of the day, your life is yours, and you better than anyone know what's best for you. Do anything you can not to feel "dirty", as they said, and if you do, and you feel you're done, and there's no changing it, walk. away. Not as a victim, but as a person ready to move on. I think every woman needs to hear this.
The City Of Angels
It takes more strength, and truly shows ones power, to walk away than to keep fighting... whether it is with someone or for what one believes in, for the respect, for oneself.... Put yourself first. If you don’t think you’re worth fighting for and won’t fight for yourself, no one else will.
What's ghosting
Sydney Dively, I've been disabled for about ten years and recently started interacting with many more people on Zoom. I'm a nice but smart person too and everything went south a few weeks ago when someone completely ignored me in front of others on Zoom. I didn't react[very proud of this] but left shortly thereafter. I'm at the point where I feel you get what you tolerate. I'm ghosting them. I just don't have the emotional energy for nonsense. I'm an amazing person and will associate with only those who appreciate it. It's them, not me. Goodbye. Boundaries are vital for survival, YOU have to set the boundaries or your enemies will eat you alive. [Do not throw your pearls before swine or they will turn around and rip you open, (Bible)] You can't be bbfs with everyone.
@@5995Jiol when someone cuts off all communication without explanation.
Well said & thank you. This is where I am. I love him but I love me more.
She’s talking about surviving narcissism. And putting unhealthy people in their place. 👌🏽
Yet, doing the same thing when talking
@@leothalion3983 Well we all have qualities of narcs from always being around them
@Jose M. I’m curious, at which point did she say or do something that was narcissistic?
Why wouldn't you tell your friend that her husband is cheating on her?????
@@wildheartedforjesusministr3874 no they have no capacity for self reflection. They can never truly see themselves or their actions for what they are. It really is a sickness the majority of people are not this way thank god.
I have gone through this my whole life and I've learned the hard way. This woman is absolutely right. With family I let it slide cause I know what to expect, but from people who assume authority over you,I don't accept that. I'm a light skinned soft spoken black woman and some people think I'm cute so here comes the hatred. You can't fight jealousy. It's always at work I've tried to go out of my way to be nice and it doesn't work. If I acted like them I'd get fired. It's like being in high school.
Current situation 💔😅
my currentsituation
Your “lightskin” has nothing to do with any jealousy. Whatsoever. They may be jealous of other things but it’s not your skin tone
@@999yemyIF it's not your reality it doesn't mean it isn't true for this woman... especially depending on the community & racial background. There are historical issues , documentaries & ptsd that has everything to support this account of colorism. Sounds like you're more elevated to care about that perhaps we would hope.. but this is a very real reality...& it continues into features, hair texture, culture, language & social status.. spoken from a women told in my face I don't like light skinned girls.. without me ever even saying a word .. just upin entering a room... several times.. in life@# This is NYC.. *& YES it IS a thing..
It is a thing. Just look at the skin bleaching craze worldwide.
I like how she reminds herself that agressive, disrespectful people = "low vibration"
💯
Completely agree. I try to be aware of a person's energy and vibration. It's a useful skill to use!
@@christinemcinnis4810 , may I ask how do you do that?
@@ich6636 You can use the scale of emotional frequencies/ consciousness developped by dr. David Hawkins. It is very helpful to label vibrations.
@@alexandra2536 , thank you very much.
"If I'm going to waste my energy on you, it better be worth it" so true, a lot of people just rob you of energy, learn to avoid such ppl who give no worth back..
Amazing interview.
Bruce Li I had to learn that. I realized a friend that I had was an emotional vampire. It took me a while to understand what she was doing. I eventually figured it out and just took that person out of my life. I recognize people like that much sooner now and just keep away from them.
I love that she transformed her childhood “fighting” spirit into a career and lifestyle... there are so many young fighting spirits that unfortunately, never figure that out 💪🏽
Your first comment ....It.is such a good point....make use of her talent and energy.
Yes it’s constructive use of her energy.
Or that channel that energy into negative self destructive or problematic manifestations
@@treehuggerdude4 turning my scars into stars is what it is called.
Op there's not options for those types. What are you supposed to do be a cop or a brute?
You know when to walk away when the relationship starts hurting more than it feels good.
"you get what you tolerate"
This is HUGE too for when you’re raising kids. DON’T tolerate lying from your kids, or disrespect because it’s ‘cute.’ It’s NOT cute when they are an adult, and I LOVE the advice to raise kids to be people you like to hang with. Best advice ever!
Yes all parents try to make their kids act in the way that suits them ,don’t get angry, don’t answer back don’t get upset, don’t be unkind etc not helpful to an adult.who has to get on with others, will get angry,and has to stand up for themselves particularly at work.
Sometimes kids lie BECAUSE they feel like they need to be respectful to insecure parents like you
Yeah but at the same time if you had ridiculously strict parents like me, you grew up lying to them because they never let you have friends or a social life. I never got involved in gangs, drugs or sex and they still treated me as a criminal.
You all are making excuses either for your kids or for yourselves. People choose to lie. It doesn’t matter what kind of parents they had, etc. Their parents didn’t force lies to come out of their mouths. No. The kids (or you guys as kids) chose to lie. Period. If your parents tolerated & allowed you to lie, then that’s their fault. Kids choose to lie or not lie & parents choose to allow or disallow the lies. The reasons (or excuses) are irrelevant. Either they lie or they don’t. Period.
Isha Locke I want to point out that millions of parents lie to and disrespect their precious children though. 🙁
People should audition to be in my life... I like that
🎯💥
Well said, I keep my circle tight and my walls high. It’s worked for me.
I’m in a hostile work environment current and as I realize it’s effecting me, I’m working very hard to let it go. It’s consent, this difficult.
I believe in nipping this in the bud immediately, these individuals don’t, kinda of a fake nice. Be aware of it, definitely helps.
Toxic relationship in any situation, learn to disconnect, including family.
OMG i have that issue with my partner, I do have a feeling myself and I have restrained. I’m not jealous, but it would give me some peace. Good point , is it a self esteem issue??
We audition people constantly whether we realize it or not.
@@jinluwang5671 Yeah, dates are pretty much auditions 😂
Exactly!!! This is how I Live my Life.
Evy is so right. I felt really dirty working in an environment with totally toxic, dysfunction and dodgy boss who everyone lacked respect for others as he wished. Walking away was the best solution. Trying to stand up for yourself against persons with NPD......., sometimes just walk away. But I totally agree. Avoiding conflict to keep peace really starts war inside yourself. But God is Good.
Confidence and repetition (practice) affects how you carry yourself and how you convey authority. Repeating, apologizing, or over-explaining undermines your message. Keep it short, clear, and direct.
Exactly. For myself I also need contestant reinforcement, so watching excellent videos like this to upskill. Then putting it into immediate action. I wish I did this earlier, but now is always a good time to start.
I took a military response with my ex-FIL once. Don't speak unless spoken to. Yes or no answers, don't give up any information. Holy crap did it piss him off! He flew into a rage and stormed out of the restaurant in a huff. It was kind of funny at the time and more so now as I sat there thinking- Wow! How sad that my 2 year old son was behaving better than this 80+ y/o man.
That’s true but women get discriminatory treatment and negative labels. Like, a lot of times when you speak succinctly and decisively, people think you’re arrogant and snob.
@@seyfun1452 Yes, as I woman I understand - I've been on the receiving end of the treatment you're describing. I'm confident, and direct, additionally, I'm tall (also intimidating); it's not easy nor fun to wear that label. Eventually, when we're consistent, people realize you've got good intentions and you want to get the job done, well, and you want everyone to look good - your reputation eventually speaks for itself.
My mother Always told me, “Trust is not to be freely given…” and, “trust is earned, don’t just give it away, like you, it’s valuable!” Thanks Mom❤️😎
My mom was told by her mom, trust no one but the police. She trust the wrong police. He gave her a mixed drink. She fainted and awoke pregnant. First baby. My brother. She kept my my brother cause he was her baby doll. Her siblings took her other dolls away from her except me or my brother. Holy McKee tried to take my brother away cause she entered him in Hollywood.
Yeah true.i have been in a trauna bond and platonic relationship with a man since 2 months,and I already know him since 1year.he is my senior,4 years older than me and the most trust worthy person ever.i am an empath and he slowly showed some signs of narcisstic traits,and he even sexually touched my hand which felt really uncomfortable.i thought he was a nice guy and I wanted to. Find one last hope of he could change .I kept a cryptic status and he called me ,saying if he did anything wrong.i said that you made me very uncomfortable the other day and the sexual touch is not acceptable.i just don't know why he felt creepy cuz he is older than me, idk ,then he apologised,and he wrote a big message stating that he is thankful for me to letting him know and he will become a better person.he is definitely a keeper and my twin flame but I just don't know what happens in future.any guys who saw this,please reply
The safest way to live is to never fully trust anyone in life but yourself because the vast majority of people are self-serving. Truth 💕
Well said! Be friendly to every one but trust no one.💕
@jesus is a biscuit with time and experience, you’ll understand what I’m talking about and the OP’s post.
I behave that way. I’m not saying it’s a good thing. I think it can be quite harmful. I think it may be better to find people who stick out for you even during tough times. And honestly, I think it’s says more about me than other people. Cuz I think, if I’m not willing to do it for others, why they’d do it for me. Basically, it goes both ways. Trust, but not blindly.
Ms. Jarvis - Every human on earth is self serving, even yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, even yourself. Everyone sins, even yourself. You are probably a wonderful person, however, living like that, never trusting anyone, can be exhausting, and a person will never have a really satisfying relationship with anyone. You will be missing out on something special. You deserve something special. Don't trust someone until you get to know them and realize, because of how they act and how they follow their word, that they can be trusted. If you expect perfection from anyone, and require that they will never do anything that will cause you pain or discomfort or disappointment, it will never happen. Learning to give grace, and hoping that the other person will give you grace as well, is a Big Deal. This guest, Evy Pompodouros (Becoming Bulletproof), is basically saying value yourself, learn how to set boundaries, and understand when to not give someone grace and when to do so, in relationships. No one can give perfection because no one is Jesus. But if you take perfection out of any relationship as an option, then you will have a shot at a real human friendship. Also, pain and hurt are awful and no one likes or wants it. Everyone is hurt in their life. Everyone hurts others in their lives, knowingly or unknowingly. We are humans. We need to learn to recognize who works for us and who doesn't as a friend or significant other to have more successful relationships. Generally, everyone lives through pain and hurt, and lives to learn from it and to choose better next time. This is life. Don't allow the pain or fear of it to control your life.... embrace life. Maybe start by reading this book. The best to you, Ma'am.
While I understand, I think that is unhealthy. I give trust because I believe that is the pathway to true intimacy. Each to their own.
I got dismissed from my job yesterday due to being a threat as i am good at what i do......once i realized what was happening..well....i took control, spoke with direction and spoke some truth with dignity....collected my belongings and walked out with my head held high......breath then respond
"I feel dirty when I speak to some people". I always think that when I feel like that, my personal values have been compromised in some way.
There's a fine line between walking away from confrontation because 'I don't do drama and ignoring someone who is beligerant & doesn't deserve your attention, yet when someone attacks my values that's when I become 10 feet tall. Never undermine a lady who appears composed. We're the ones who will gracefully put someone in their place 💪💕 Stay strong
Haha!! YES!! 💪💪
I agree.
Someone attacking my values doesn't deserve my attention even moreso. Can't educate those people.
I believe Evy is correct when she says, 'You have to teach people how to treat you' when they cross your boundaries. Through personal experience, when you eloquently state your values to others they will oblige. Everyone is teachable. We have to learn to communicate to set the example. People can not read your mind nor know ones triggers, so set the standard with authority and positivity will follow.
💥🎯😎
“You should audition to be in my life” “I teach people how to treat me” love it! “You’re not going to own my response to you, I’m going to own it” 💥💫🔥⭐️
I would really rather not use these words to describe her because it doesn't feel right, but I truly have no other words to describe her: Sexy dragoness. It's got nothing to do with her looks at all, but how she carries herself, cherishes herself, and owns everything she says and does. It's people like this I've always admired, look at them with stars in my eyes and everything.
Amazing video. I am an empath, I am a people pleaser, I am and have been a doormat. Standing up for yourself is a skill. Everyday is a test for me, thanks ladies for this useful infromation and Im purchasing your book!
Never underestimate of the phrase "excuse me?" With strong confidence and a bit of attitude.
It can question what they just said.
Very true!!!!
Sometimes if they're REALLY rude ill say what did you say? They'll repeat themselves again. If they do I say I am deaf to negativity. 🤣 Always gets them to shut up.
😜
GOLDEN TRUTH BOMB: “You’re not going to own my response to you. I’m going to own it. That’s why. I do it for me, not for you.”~Evy Poumpouras
She changed my thoughts about respect, resilience, and response.
I definitely agree, just thought of the same thing 🙌🏼❤️
That’s so awesome! ❤️
@@LisaBilyeu I am grateful to Impact theory and Woman of impact shows because they changed my life. I don't have any words to thank both hosts. But have a dream to touch their feet and take a blessing from them. The great message I got is, don't hurt yourself by the circumstances, Just be aware of it. And another is don't react to the situation, Only response to it. Love both husband and wife. Muwaaaaaa. Keshav Paudel
Home country: 🇳🇵
Now: Tennessee, Murfreesboro
How?
@@mr12aT for me it's being accountable.
I was born to call out Narcissistic behaviour and I actually enjoy over powering them. Telling them to act accordingly also knocks them down and confuses them. Also to tell them you don’t tolerate any form of abuse from a grown adult who knows better. 🖖😏
I had the same realization about, "Why am I fighting with everyone to try and convince them of my truth." It was a life changing moment for me, because I answered with, "I want them to just finally let me be right about my own truth for once." And my next question was, "Ok.. THEN what..? If I finally get that moment from my family.. then what." Because it doesn't fix anything. It makes no difference. We have to he able to validate ourselves and stop seeking it from outside sources.
So true that realization voice aaya now what? Do you feel better? Answer hell no now what? I'm so hard on myself hours and hours I make myself sick becasue is it the mental health illness or that I sustained a TBI IN 08? THEN AFTER WHOLE DAY WAS LOST AS USUAL IT HIT ME: IM IMSANE MEED TO BE PUT IN A HOME CASUE MY LIFE IS UNMANAGEABLE BY MY OBSESSIVE THOUGHTS...WOW I WENT RO BED CAUSE WHY ASK WHY..SOLVED ANOTHER ANSWER TO THE SAME questions
..i lost5 months....HAHAHAHAHA.
I have been there, for me self love and self worth is key. You are good enough, even though it was not said in the childhood.
Excellent.❤
“You get what you tolerate “ that’s right on point!!
It took me too many years to realize that respect is "earned" through being demanded. No one is going to give you anything.
But if you demand it, you should give it too. Balance. If one of you won't give respect, that's a sign to stand up or leave. 👌
Re-spect basically means "I see you, I acknowledge you, I validate you."
And it comes as a response, reply, return to something you genuinely would validate or acknowledge.
It's in the word itself, but I think it's bandied about for all the wrong reasons and people stopped respecting the word itself. They lost it's meaning and therefore lost how to achieve it genuinely.
Decent people do give you respect. Everyone deserves respect until proven otherwise.
@Chastity Georgina The thing is these people get the shock of their life when they push the wrong person so far.
@@CC-pu6qn Don't let it build up. Respond when it first happens. Try not to over react. It's not easy and practice makes perfect. Some people just seem naturally to be very good at standing up for themselves. Makes me jealous.
"You should audition to be in my life" Absolutely friggin' love this. Stealing it as a pillar moving forward. I've had a recent experience with a new "friend" who turned out to be an information gatherer who then used what she gathered against me when I started to see through her mask. I didn't audition her carefully enough... so I'll try my best not to let that happen again.
❤
You do the same audition when you look for a loan, job, study, to do business. So why not when choosing partners? Friends?
A good idea for shure.
“Are you under the impression I allow people to speak to me this way, or are you asking me to make an exception for you?”
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🔥🔥🔥
Great response! I need to memorize this!
👏 👏
Well said!
🙌❣❣❣
This is so inspiring. I love how firm and unapologetic she is about cutting toxic people out of her life. Often times we get guilt-tripped for putting ourselves first, and this video was a great reminder to take care of ourselves.
I love her approach to dealing with toxic people and how she processes how to deal with them .
I feel like putting people out of my life that are toxic is not really putting myself first just self care watching it taking care of my health
It takes great strength to be humble to turn the other cheek when possible
I'm working on it🍃
Yes! This video was the validation I needed for cutting off a lot of people in my life.
While also recognizing my part, and where I need to work on knowing my inner self and restraint - choosing when and how to respond.
Loved this! I aim to keep high vibration, and spotting what will knock it down.
I am constantly surprised by how adult children of abusers get all kinds of crap when they put limits on a relationship or cut the abusers out. And the crap can come from other family members or friends.
I like that, "firm and unapologetic," we all need a crash course in this!
I absolutely love the way Evy listens and concentrates. She is so calm and no big expressions, she is truly focused and taking everything in. Her responses are quick, relevant and full of wisdom. 💜
I noticed that, too. She was so fully present as Lisa talked.
She seems like she is always on edge where she is subconsciously expecting something negative to happen and if it does she will be ready to rip their head off. It seems like She really does not trust many people
That’s a part of Evy’s training.
Very level emotions no drama YAY
i use to give people so many chances- after i turned 40 my give a shit meter went off and i walk away from anything thats causing stress or drama- not out of revenge but out of peace of mind. I guess i realized my health comes first
That's funny, "give a shit meter." lol. I've got to use that
I know what you mean
“Not everyone is a friend “. “The quality of the people is what counts “. 🔥
My husband once said this and I didn’t quite understand then, it made so much sense hearing it now .
Smart intelligent loving man congratulations❤👍💯
GIRL you kicked back at a general. YOU ARE THE GENERAL NOW!
💪🙌
Hahaha, "Look at me, I'm the captain now." Jk
@@YourGirlFlav you're right tho lmao 😂❤️
@@lokkib8239 😜
🙌🏾🙌🏾
That's one quality I love in my wife, she does not take shit from anyone and speaks her mind, not aggressively, but assertively.
I remember seeing Evie on TV at events with Clinton and W. Bush when I was a child, and she was so inspirational just being in that role. It's incredible to see her continuing to inspire and encourage women and young girls everywhere
There is a book called "The Gift of Fear" that should be mandatory reading for all women
Gavin Debecker
Great book! Agreed.
I'm going to read it.
I had all my daughters read this in their high school years.
Gavin De Becker.
I love how authentic she is.
She was able to be vulnerable & take accountability. Very inspiring.
I wish she would start a channel ❤️
Maybe let's dm her, whatchu think???
Let me know if she has one, it will be awesome to learn from her.🔥
@@Moyawethu. I hope I run into her in nyc; will do
I feel mortified realizing how many years of my life and how much precious life-energy I have wasted on un-deserving, un-willing others, wanting and believing to be good and to be bad if I did not. And comparing myself to them, fearing if others wouldn't guide me when I needed it. But I am not like them, because I want to learn and grow and help others.Twisted lack of self-awareness.
Me too. Now that I know better, I will do better. I will no longer take or put up with sh*t from anyone.
You are bright & beautiful. Be you. Bless the lessons. Becoming YOU
28:41
Stay strong everyone. Ik how you guys feel, just know that now that you know you can build on it.
Same here. I put a lot of work into myself and I am so happy now. No unworthy people in my life anymore. Self love is everything.
The unconditional trust is what strengthened and built my mental state.
I now no longer trust anyone including my spouse.
Prior to this video after the unconditional episode happened, It became a personal law for me that people had to audition to determine their existence in my life.
My peace and boundaries are fiercely guarded.
I have mastered a level of cutting ties and burning bridges with such ease.
Actions speaks louder than words.
I am under 20 and I am already slowly starting to stand up for myself with watching this video. Evy reminds me to not tolerate enemies to walk all over me. I was bullied for years in school.
Yes you go girl xxx
Well you were bullied while you were in school for years doesn't mean anything is wrong with you it means that you are above the individuals who bullied you !!!!! Is just that the bullies are insecure , envious , and jalousy of you it could be your looks your intelligent , the way talk etc....bullies are narcissists and toxic ...you gotta chose wisely whom to associate with know your worth and value!!! Take care and be well I hope that will resinate with you !!!!
I’m so happy for you . Go , go , you got this !!!
Yeah but even if you do have boundaries and are outspoken and fight back , you can get bullied still like me lol
I love this!
I didn’t care when my husband looked at my phone and emails because I had nothing to hide. Guess who ended up having profiles on multiple dating sites, cheating, and leaving.
Sometimes that kind of jealous and obsessive behavior is an indication of their own tendencies. It can be a red flag.
Yes, this just reminded me of a great book on this topic, but I just can't recall the name :(
Say it louder girlfriend!
very true cause when he knows what&how he's doing he knows what to look for in your phone assuming out of fear you might be like him, its funny cause its self hatred, doesnt want be treated the same way hes treating cause he knows its shit; but you know what? he was the one sinking in bad emotions of fear and jealousy and low confidence every day for a long period and perhaps for the rest of his life if thats his character and will never change, its stressful and pity.
I got a feeling youre much above that, and that in itself is a great thing, because you can and probably have a much better life
Projection is what your hubby was acting out, comes from deep insecurity, very frustrating to deal with
You are beautiful btw! 🐱
Regarding family, I see how most people allow others to abuse them emotionally, just because they are family. I don't feel any need or obligation, to let my family members disrespect me or abuse my energy, just because they are family.
I agree. I have family members that treated me poorly. I don't bother with them. I don't need them.
I feel the same way.
Unless they stop you seeing your grandchildren then you walk a tight rope...
Absolutely! They use that "I'm your family " crap as a license to abuse. No ma'am
@@missladybug319 I'm with you on this!
Literally just expressed this sentiment to my team. Infractions that go unaddressed breed resentment. Lately I have begun address things in the moment as often as I can. It's interesting how shocked people who are violators become when they are addressed. It's like don't expect to be confronted and they are confused that I do it calmly without agression.
I had to do that with my boss recently. Always address issues right away.
I have been exploring and opening up this side to myself lately and its yielded some interesting results. I feel so much better about myself, like i stood up for myself! Its an interesting experiment and i love what i see. Im too soft, so i almost have to be the other spectrum and i am respected and treated so much better now. ❤
I used to fight with everybody and I hear what she says: something I'm doing is causing all this disturbance. My "problem" was deep insecurity and the fear of not being heard and seen. I thought I needed to fight to be seen. Once I got rid of that need I feel calmer and my presence is more felt.
Relatable
Mine, is being angry and powerless to make workplace change.
That's a word. Preach!
Sometimes less is more
Ooh lala cayenne pepper. Me too, same haha
I wish I had heard something like this 10 years ago. Being a young blonde female paramedic working in Florida, I was steamrolled by firefighters and law-enforcement officers who were overstepping their boundaries, even going so far as to try to force me to violate my own medical protocols for their own egos. I cannot tell you how many times I was made to feel embarrassed because a large group of men were yelling at me on scene at emergencies for things that were not any of their business. I was doing my job the way my medical Director wanted me to. Of course I reported everyone and nothing was ever done. My supervisor told me that I needed to try to be more of a “bitch“. I didn’t understand it back then, but 10 years have taught me what he meant by that. He wasn’t telling me to be mean, he was telling me to be more like this girl here 🙌🏻
Sad it has to get like that just for them to back off and the fricken fact that you reported it and nothing was done about it baffles me. Good on you for staying strong👍❤
Its tough but so glad to hear you got the message now, unfortunately people's ego are horrible and need to learn to stand by ourselves. Even if means you look or they judge like a 'bitch' at the end of the day we have to look after ourselves.
I know your comment is at least a year old, but I came here for THIS. I'm an EMT & get treated like dog shit, even by females. It sounds like our situations haven't been exactly the same, but knowing that I'm not crazy, and that it IS an issue affecting women in our field helps. Our EMS director (a woman) just tells me to say "fuck off" & move on when it gets bad.
Thanks. You're awesome.
I had a "boyfriend" who couldn't get along with any woman, and he couldn't see that HE was the common denominator in every relationship. He fought with every woman he knew, but it was always their faults.
Same here and relationship is struggling but I love him 😣😣
@@uk2660 Let him know that being a macho tough guy threatening women is pathetic and trashy! He needs to get a taste of his own poison!!
I think I had him as a boyfriend too, sounds familiar !
Sounds like a hothead
Did he also drink?
Narcisissm 101
I've had to find my voice, speak up, and advocate for myself. I'm single again, tired of dating game, and ready to work on myself, and good boundaries. I'm working on it, I'm at a new job, clearly stated what I need, and willing to work toward.