Bingo!!! Ad for many of this, ONLY saying no is very hard. That’s a trauma response. Understand that and just DO IT. This is how we grow out of these trauma responses.
I dated a narcissist: 1. They never apologize. 2. They are victims. 3. Everything is someone else’s fault. 4. They will spoil your birthday and every happy occasion that is not about them. 5. They need to control everything: when to eat, what to eat, what to do, the color of the bedspread… EVERYTHING! 6. They will undermine you and belittle you constantly. 7. They will cut you off from your friends and loved ones. 8. They will use your weaknesses and or things you told them against you. 9. They will groom someone else before discarding you. 10. They will love bomb you at first.
This is a valuable video. Lisa is such a good hostess. The guest is knowledgeable. Very handsome. I'd love to see his hair shorter. It's too girly. Sup with that?
They make you doubt your own memory. You believe you’re crazy because you swear you remember something, but it gets twisted just enough that you doubt everything. It takes FOREVER to recover and learn to trust your intuition and memory again.
But, they also mess up because they're imitating people. They will parrot the "right" thing to say, or the facial expression they think goes with the situation, but it will look odd. Look at the way Trump smiles for photos. It's a weird grimace. There's no joy in his eyes. Often, they won't be sure how to respond or react, so they will repeat whatever you said or say, "Me, too!" I was with a narcissist for 11 years. I wish I had trusted my gut when I thought his responses were weird. The worst one was around year 9, when he had sucked the life and joy out of me... but I kept attributing my state to me being "broken". I told him I could barely get through a day because I was so depressed and that I often "wished I wasn't here anymore ". I said I was going to find a therapist. He replied, without looking up from whatever he was reading, "Well, I'm perfectly happy with my little life." I replied with a game show buzzer sound and said, "Wrong answer! Someone who tells me every day that he loves me should say something like, 'I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?" His face told me that he was more worried about not knowing what a "normal" caring response should be than about the fact that the love of his life wanted to die. I could go on and on, but he's been out of my life for 4 years and I try not to think about him. This video popped up, probably from when I watched a lot of videos about narcissists, which gave me the courage finally to get him to leave. Luckily he had been grooming Ms. Plan B for at least a year, so I didn't have to push too hard for him to leave. Of course, he presented it to me that he was leaving because he "met someone." Yeah, like a year ago 😅
What about the person who you genuinely apologize to and they prefer to hold a grudge and resentment over you for said innocent mistake. People aren’t perfect on both sides. Mistakes happen. It’s what we do with learning from the mistake so that it doesn’t happen again is what it should be about. It should be about healing together and learning the other. The person I want to be with is someone I look up to and respect.
Exactly, finally a quality answer. Folks, no single marker immediately shows you if a person has a dark personality. It's a pattern. You need to be on the lookout for the aggregate set. The best strategy is seeing if they follow the "Narcissist Prayer" steps: 1) "That didn't happen." 2) "And if it did, it wasn't that bad." 3) "And if it was, that's not a big deal." 4) "And if it is, that's not my fault." 5) "And if it was, I didn't mean it." 6) "And if I did, you deserved it!"
@@allnoyz7895 I'm not mean and cruel when I don't get what I want, so I'm not a narcissist. I make sure other people feel safe, happy and comforted, even if they have to tell me news that I'm disappointed by. My problems aren't other people's responsibility. Not everybody things they get the right to be mean to people just because they don't get everything they want, like a petulant child.
@@kalleidemation Ok...ok. I see. It's just that everyone thinks it's the other person - not the self. People should convict themselves internally before accusing others. Talking about narcissists as if it could 'never be me' is a mild form in itself. Was not trying to be 'mean.'
This shouldn’t surprise anyone. The system BREEDS and CONDITIONS for narcissistic, sociopathic, Machiavellian personality. That’s how to survive and succeed in this system. The more these behaviors are demonstrated, the more reward, the more fame, wealth, success. The numbers are higher than what he states.
I broke down crying in front of a guy I was dating and I mean ugly crying and he had absolutely NO empathy for me at all. Zero response , words or actions from him. It was actually really chilling. I couldn't get him away from me any faster. Never looked back.
Mine (lawyer) lied to his doctor so he could stock up on a prescription (he was an addict before he got into law school). I found out and he gaslit, and all sorts of things. I started crying and he made fun of how I looked and sounded while I was crying.
@@kates4089 mine was a drunkard and a pill popper and he would DRIVE SEMI TRUCKS with his sippy cup... He would stop and get a Big Gulp and pour Crown in it and a dash of Coke and pop about 10 pills. He would gaslight me too.
He love bombed me so quickly and asked a lot about me only to then act like he had the same interests… he actually did not. He is a chameleon and a great master thespian…. So grateful I woke up…
fine ill fully surrender and than when u go by no approach? why are we doing this to each other? u aren't perfect by miles I bet neither am I....maybe u are part of the 1% of enlightned masters but really are you yet?
Narcissists are now studying these videos. So, trusting your spirit, having strong boundaries and loving yourself enough to walk away after one boundary violation or seeing one red flag ❤❤❤❤❤
yeah, then pick the bad boy and wonder why your in a toxic relationship... you have no idea how many times I see comments like this and the women turns right around and goes "oh, he'll be different with me, I can fix him". completely ignoring the warning signs because he's got money, attractive or status. The problem is people's instincts SUCK and they can't tell a geniounly bad person from someone who is just socially awkward.
He actually says you need to test someone a few times - that shows you a pattern of behavior. If there are too many red flags - it means you need to dip out.
When I started to secretly question if my husband was a sociopath...I was crying because I just learned my mother had just died and it was a horrible, painful death. My husband yelled at me, saying, "She was old, so why are you crying?" He told me "Everybody dies, so what was the big deal?!" He later mocked me, sniffling and mimicking my crying. Yep...I should have left him.
His upbringing vs whether it was his true nature, is distinguished when you can respond to his statements, rather than dismiss and label it as heartless. As there is merit in your emotion and there is deeper analysis in his lack thereof. There are traits that he would be good at and the one he is not does not represent the whole.
Not saying his not a sociopath but as the interviewee said it is multiple tests. But at the same time there can biasness to these tests and one has to be subtle.
@@denvernaicker8250I am a very unemotional person, when it comes to let's say, a dangerous situation where everyone else is in a panic. I just flip into a "we have to deal with this immediately and smartly" mode. It's like I am not scared tho I should be. If it involves a dangerous person that's a threat, I flip into an "I just have to outsmart him" mode. I am not a cryer. I actually get annoyed with ppl who cry over things that can be dealt with. I don't get annoyed about ppl crying in grief. I rarely cry, and if I do, it's not in front of anyone. Only a few times in my 61 years. HOWEVER, when it comes to dogs, I can get very emotional if they are hurt. Or look scared. Or anything other than happy. Now my normal emotion, is being happy. Little things make me happy. A little silly gift. A surprise visit. And I'm very friendly. Unless you screw me over somehow. Then I'm very vindictive and unforgiving. Especially if the person is a friend. I can wave off a person I don't care about. I just act like they don't exist. And resume my happiness. But anyway. Even though I'm am happy and fun to be around (so they say), I feel like I might be a little psychopathic. Because of how I don't feel like I think I should, like when somebody dies. I don't break down. I don't cry, unless it's late at night and I start thinking about them and miss them or wish they were still here. I just think I should feel unhappy more than I do at certain times. Is there a disorder for always being in a good mood? But still have a cold side? Maybe it's because I'm an Aquarius. Everything I've read says we come across as cold and aloof at certain times. But we really aren't. I don't know, and I don't know why I put this as a reply to YOUR comment! Lol sorry.
He raised a great point though that I always say - SLOW IT DOWN! Especially if this is dating. Covert Narcissists and psychopathic narcissists (malignant narcissists) need you to fall for them fast and will pull out every stop to make that happen. Best test for a narcissist or ASPD - set boundaries, tell them NO and see how they respond. If they can’t get what they want from you they will move onto someone that is easier.
That’s it exactly 👍 I was thinking disagree with them or make them mad and watch the reaction but putting up boundaries pees them off the most! And they won’t stick around if you continue to do this. 😊
@@CrystalShadow Make them mad? Perfect example of toxic femininity, and a sure way to push away any man. Disagree, that's fine, putting up boundaries, also fine.
Mmhmm! So highly suggest watching “Signs of a Serial Killer”, season 5 episode 11 where a team of forensic psychologists, some that have worked with the FBI, break down the five main traits of psychopathy. And one the most interesting things about people with this DSM V Cluster B type when they lay in the charm, normal people can see the boundary and know when it’s getting too much. A psychopath? They can’t recognize this boundary and that’s when it goes from charming into love bombing territory easily! It’s how serial killers corner their victim a and impulsively inflict violence very easily. Here is info, saved a screen shot from the Reddit group where 2/3rds are diagnosed Psychopaths: “A question about the motives of psychopaths. Psychopaths motivations are not usually so well thought out or understood by the psychopaths themselves, they see something they want it they take it. That's pretty much the extent of the thinking. Psychopaths tend to be impulsive and lack a great deal of control over their impulses, their brain abnormalities are well known for having deficits in areas that control empathy but they also are deficient in areas that regulate logic and self control as well. So the motivation for most psychopaths is they felt like it, or wanted it etc. very superficial and crude. Think of an adult size child that misbehaves a lot psychopathy is much more than that but developmentally it is true psychopaths are in some ways at the level of development mentally as a child is.” Hence why it’s vital people are aware of how they operate to keep themselves safe because these type of folks tend to have sadism tendencies (ie - lived to inflict pain and gets off on hurting others).
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them. That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him. Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves. Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
Indeed The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud In this world verify everything. Dating requires detective skills. Investigate like the FBI. A background check is a necessity. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast
@@priscillaL83 I would say the same thing but in another podcast…diary of a CEO…this same gentleman who worked for the CIA says that we should NOT in fact trust our gut because we are often wrong when we do. He has some good insights but to me that was definitely not one of them.
@@DEPineda you are right there because sometimes we may operate out of a fearful or more paranoid instinct. Peoole say follow your heart but sometimes it may be deceiving. So far though my gut has been right though lol but you're right too.
As a “socially awkward” person, I thought being awkward was such a disadvantage in society. The affirmation that awkward can be a good thing actually gave me a boost of confidence. Relationships are so complicated. 🙏🏽
Is socially "awkward" not saying what they want you to say or moving as they wish you to move? They lie alot and don't know what they are talking about.
My 20th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. My lovely husband just got out of a car, in front of the building WE live in together with another female. Of course I'm blind as hell and didn't see what me, the security guard at our residence and a couple of friends witnessed. What pecks my peas is when a narcissist argues public, and apologies in private. THAT is my husband. He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary and I replied, A DIVORCE. Be strong my sisters of EVERY RACE and religion. Hold your ground, but most important, don't argue with these clowns and remain the beautiful, strong women that you are. RESPECT!
Dated a guy for several months. Nightmare out of the gate. Could not get him out of my life. Broke up with him three times. At the end, he laughed in my face and told me it was all a joke, a series of tests to see if I was "strong enough" to date him, and that I had failed. I went no contact immediately...thought getting away from him would be the end, but instead he doubled down...stalked down my friends, lied to them (conned them), blamed me for his own problems (getting fired from jobs, evicted from places because he couldn't get along with anyone). For years, he got other women to befriend me and syphon information about my life so he could continue to undermine it. This was 9 years ago and I'm still dealing with the fallout. I still think of moving, even though he's left, because I can't undo the damage he did. Reminders of it everywhere. RUN if you have even the slightest unsure feeling.
I rather be alone then dealing with this situation I love my peaceful life.. it took me 7 years to stand on my own and that how it will stay I am 70 years old been married 3 time and going thru hell I said to myself once I leave that’s it no more for me thank God I am free 😁🙏
Much love to you. I'm 43, been married twice...my peace is my top priority now - my health literally depends on it. But I trust myself enough now that I know I can see the signs incredibly quickly and get them out. I don't expect to be alone the rest of my life, but I'm at peace with it either way. Trusting myself took me 4 years of working constantly on it - best thing I ever did! I hope you continue to keep your peace and happiness ❤
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I actually that term does still exist for many around the world. But none of us on this thread mentions either, nor did any of us mention evil. We just choose to be alone rather than deal with the "anti-social" people who have been abusive to us in the past. That is within our right to do so and comment as such - it's helpful for those still going through abuse to know there are other victims who have survived, got away, and are happy now. Nobody is suggesting that we are somehow better than others, just survivors who have 1 common interest - or rather experience. If you want to be on a soapbox giving faith to abusers - that they're OK, cos everyone has a bit of evil in them, then I don't think you have any clue about what harm this behaviour has. Nor is their behaviour "normal" I refuse to live in a world where that is deemed OK, because it most definitely is not. Yes there are some on the anti-social spectrum who still behave in a normal fashion and don't abuse others around them, but nobody here said that there weren't. You've chosen to reply to a very small group of victims as if we are wring for sharing our experiences. I'd love to know why...no, actually, I'd rather have peace.
I just refused a treatment from a procedure I had scheduled and he changed the order. If I hadn't gone over it with the nurse before I wouldn't had known. He than changed the order before procedure. But did another procedure he had not old with me before. I than a few days after searching my symptoms found out he had paralyzed a man doing the original procedure he was going to do on me. If I hadn't prayed before for my ancestors protection, I believe I wouldn't be telling you this story
Accountability would imply that they are responsible for their destructive actions. That would destroy their self-narrative that they are good and not at fault for anything bad.
when did u become a living God on earth? can u tell me what shape your body, mind, and spirit are in right now today at your age? oh boy stop judging folks. most ppl are good and we simply do not love them or show them any love or support that is what is needed more in this World. not these stupid names or prisons.
@16:38 Andrew says: "People who are not nefarious are often times the hardest people to like. They're socially awkward; they're a little bit rude; they're kind of rough around the edges. So you don't you don't fall in love with them very quickly, but they're probably very honest people. They're honest, which is exactly why they don't know how to manipulate the environment, manipulate your experience to make you like them and trust them so quickly. So when you're dealing with somebody that's a little bit like aggravating or irritating, chances are they're not trying to manipulate you. "
This man described my husband to a tee. My couples therapists told me he was a narcissistic sociopath. I didn’t understand it but learned why I felt like the crazy one with all the gaslighting. I didn’t even know gaslighting was a thing. This man is spot on about journaling. When i started journaling instead of going to him with my complaints which fell on deaths ear, I was able to emotional detach from the gaslighting or his bad behaviors. He had a hard time with me no longer reacting to his bad behavior or inability to feel my despair. The more I journaled the less I reacted. The less I reacted the more I detached. The more I detached the more I was able to see things clearly without trying convince him about him or convince him to care about how I feel when he behaves badly. He was a covert narcissist. I’m telling you when I learned about the personality disorder I was able to realize I wasn’t crazy. He also deflected and made me the crazy one. Gaslighting was his go to when trying to get out of something he did.
My mom to a T. I also started journaling. What a bright light on the situation. I was fueling her!!! She was so confused when i stopped. I made rules for myself to remember to not engage.
@@Violets14or when you try to connect with them on a human level and explain your feelings and actions- they store it and use it as a weapon against you later to make you feel crazy
Beware the smear campaign when they see they cannot get the desired response from you. They also mat 'step up' their game to dangerous levels until they get the response they want (This is especially true for those that get their emotions vicariously through you. If you do not give the emotion they cannot feel or recognize in themselves they will go to extremes to get it. My husband was like this and once I recognized it, I gave measured levels of the emotion he was seeking fairly early on to 'satisfy him' Particularly important if they have violent tendencies toward you or your possessions. I am free of him now, thank God)
This is why I’ve chosen to stay single for the rest of my life. At 64, there are so very few psychologically healthy men available to even consider it anymore.
this is such a shame to have this mentality, renouncing to pursue a human relationship because you're afraid that the man you choose could be a toxic person. Of course there's a risk but if you reason like that it's like saying you're never going to drive again because you could have an accident
so glad I am now with a woman and we share the same struggles- narcissists heavily attractive to us and rope us in. We've worked to parse out those people and hold each other accountable when we don't stand up for ourselves or state true feelings.
A BPD person will always tell you in the first 15 minutes. Can be as trivial like them saying "I push people away", "My Exes are abusers", "Everyone leaves me".
Not really. What do those with ASPD and NPD have in common? They work FAST and need YOU to get trapped quickly before you figure them out. That’s why they love bomb us. The trick is to take your sweet time in a new relationship and if they come on way too strong- that’s a HUGE red flag and either signals they are a predator or at the very least have abandonment issues and are anxiously attached. Either way- they’re not healthy. Healthy men and women don’t rush. They don’t sweet talk. They have boundaries and respect each others too.
People on the Autism Spectrum and people with ADHD often have great difficulty when plans are changed at the last minute. Anger and frustration may result, this does not make them psychopaths. So not a very useful test.
There is a connection, adah is from trauma and asd community suffers trauma at different levels, a antisocial disorder is environment and dna the environment is the best part ;) a split of the psyche , and that’s all the attachment, borderline ect however some turn into the anti social types, I think there is a causal relationship and a shared set of characteristics but the same root issue ;)
@@karenlindley.9756yes!!! and we ignore it because we're too busy following whatever the CULTur€ says-- believe your thoughts, be logical, focus on materialism, admire/ worship the smartest, hyperfocus the mind.
@@barbstotter7288I’ve done this too. I got a gut feeling from someone a lot of people told me was great. It confused me and even questioned if I was really in the wrong or the bad person. After a while, I decided to stand up for myself and do the tests. They were mostly misogynistic, but it was enough to get my husband clued in that this person was not a real friend and not safe around me or our child. We haven’t been around them since.
There are a lot of people that don't care if their actions affect someone's life in a negative way. I have seen both bad and good people in this world.
You can no longer rely on words as they are the narcissist’s weapon of choice. The only thing you can rely on are actions. If the two do not line up, that is all the information you need to know. Run.
Don’t listen to words. Actions speak louder. A person’s character can be determined by their actions. Don’t believe reported evidence, trust your own ears and eyes.
Hmm I know some huge narcissists who won't act angry when one changes plans.. instead, they'll figure something else own the road to get you back - with a smile on their face 😌
This is actually a great test- my was-band ALWAYS had to change any appointment I made for anything!! The appointments were NEVER acceptable to him!! Everything always has to be under HIS CONTROL!!! He couldn't handle change well, unless HE was in control of all the plans.
I play the "Three strikes and you are out rule" when I meet a new person... Three 🚩🚩🚩's are you get dropped like a used paper tissue. No exceptions at all! I wait at least a month and go on at least 7 or 8 dates in public places before I let them know my home address. All five of my senses are working overtime when I first meet a new person. There are so many "Broken " people out there now... You can't be too complacent. Safe is always better than sorry.
Absolutely. Also, the latest research I've heard about shows that there is a spectrum, and 17% of people are on the narcissistic spectrum, 30% are on the psychopathic spectrum. A little bit of narcissism is good, but many people who could not meet criteria to be diagnosed as having NPD still have a bit too much of those tendencies to be healthy. Intelligent psychopaths are often very successful, and congregate in a few select professions.
Women have been taught ‘always give the benefit of the doubt’ ‘give another chance’ ‘be nice & accommodating’ ‘help him’…which teaches us to ignore our internal messages. Gals don’t need to be scowling b’s, but a balance needs to be achieved. Woman are intuitive so trust yourself first
You left out boys will be boys and men just don't think of that. All the passes they get and we are taught to overlook has put us in very dangerous situations. Society has coddled tf out of men as we carry the burden of being gaslight.
It feels so infuriating that women are always being blamed for the hurting the other person even though the other person is a psychopath or even a stalker. I regret giving a snake the benefit of doubt so badly now because I thought that I was overthinking and that I may be called names for misunderstanding a good 'friend' even though I felt extremely uncomfortable that I was being stalked by him. Finding the balance seems so challenging to me now.
Yes, exactly. I do not need an emotionally stunted conman project. My 12 year old daughter is far more mature than most grown men I meet. Not my job to raise a man or fix his lack of morals. Or fix anything about him. Or give him anything.
nah fam, i know TONS of women who get themselves into fucked situationships, relationships with dudes who I KNOW are just going to fuck them over. Truth is, they don't listen to their gut because they think they will be different with them. They say, "bUt He'S sO aTtrAcTivE". completely ignoring the warning signs. Truth is, most women don't listen to their gut because the dude is "attractive."
If someone tells you how amazing they are (like being a great father), you know they’re trying to convince you of something they know isn’t true but they hope you’ll trust his words alone. If someone is genuinely a good person (or father) they’ll let their actions speak for themselves.
Me ex never answered anything I brought up expressing hurts or concerns instead would just shout in my face, 'you're crazy that's not reality, "I'm such a good guy" pfffffffttttt
Recently broke up with a newer man I was dating. He was obsessed with everyone acknowledging how wonderful and optimistic of a person he is. And then the mask started to slip, when I would share my feelings about something, he would make the most hurtful comments with a positive tone and a smirk that I think he thought came off as a non threatening smile. I couldn’t stand that in the most serious of times, he would always be smirking or laughing. Especially if you were crying and opening up. My gut was screaming at me to say my goodbyes and block him forever. His initial kindness and positivity was infectious and disarming. I should’ve known it was too good to be true from the start, only too three weeks to have real proof of that lol. He talked SO MUCH about how much he loved to help others, but I only ever saw him mocking others. And he was so good at gaslighting and manipulation when I’d ask about his odd behaviors, that most of us would easily self doubt. That’s how easy it is for some antisocial folks out there, amazing actors.
For people who think that takes too much time to write a journal…. I used to have a calendar as journal… Good day = smiling face Awful day = crying face. And then compere good days again awful days…. Big picture is surprising..😳
Another tool is to email yourself, and by doing this, you can reflect on monumental things that have occured on specific days, months, even years ago ! Sometimes, it may may reveal patterns of behavior with others, or by counting the occurances of dysfunctional issues/abuse/crime, it may force you to re- analyze your situation/relationship.
@allafilipenya7432 Great idea!!! I’ve always enjoyed looking at my calendars as a record of where I’ve been, what people have been in my life etc. So to add the next layer of recording emotional experiences and a-ha moments is brilliant and doable to an already existing system (in my case).
I work on an 80/20 principal. If i feel unhappy more than 20% of the time and i observe it over a period of time, it highlights patterns of that person's bad behaviour. This indication informs my decision and justifies me ending my relationship with that person.
There are some absolute red flags I watch for. Does the person treat others, especially those who cannot defend themselves, like dirt, but not me? Because they will get around to me in due time, perhaps they are already doing it when I am not around to defend myself. Also the lack of empathy or respect for others, their feelings, or their property. Are they in the habit of putting me into uncomfortable situations? It's really likely for them to slip up, you just need to know the signs.
Truth be known psychology, doesn’t acknowledge demonic possession, and most psychopaths are empty vessels, demonically possessed, so that can happen at any point in life, not necessarily at birth
It's ironic since "projection" is one of the hallmarks of personality disorders on people closes to them, these anti-socials will believe that you're the psychopath or sociopath, and thinks destroying you is doing good for all of society or the workplace or in your friend's circle.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.IHe explains that those are passe descriptions for people that now fall under the same category of anti social personality disorder so you are both right captain reactionary! Calm TF down!
Not necessarily true there’s first principle and secondary principle psychopathy meaning that psychopathy can be created through nurture or nature. Sociopathy, however, is primarily from what I understand created from nurture.
Be careful when testing someone. I believe with experiences & time, tests will come naturally & you will learn things about ppl. But curating your own “tests” can be manipulative & damning to the trust of the other person. His example of changing the time of plans is okay but beware of ppl “testing” your boundaries.
So true! I get turned off when a man is constantly testing my boundaries. Part of the reason I married my husband was because he was not testing me. He was serious and wanted a relationship and he was honest, consistent, loyal, and didn't play games.
I totally agree with you, but you really believe that is ok for someone to keep changing plans? hope not at last minutes. they are the only one changing the plans? I personally find that a bit sociopathic and at least very rude.
@@wiamhaddani no I don’t necessarily think it’s okay. I think it’s manipulative and I wouldn’t deal with someone constantly changing plans on me at the last minute just for the sake of testing me. But I’m assuming he’s just talking about the time of the plans like dinner was at 7 but now it’s at 8.
@@aurorarene9909 and that’s exactly how it should be. I’m glad you found someone that’s genuine and loyal to you. Men that like to play games and test me turn me off, It’s so immature & manipulative. Like time will test us both, it’s kinda unnecessary to create inconveniences bc now I’m questioning how reliable you are.
THIS!!! There were so many clues in that! I had that little ✔️ in my spirit but ignored it! I kept pushing forward.."Poor thing, she treated him SO BAD" 🤦🏼♀️
Ya the ex’s are “crazy.” That’s why they are blocked… it makes sense! Some people are crazy and need blocked. My ex blocked me only because I know how he is and how bad it is!! I used to wonder why his ex was blocked, now I know!!
Mmm mine was pretty advanced, he realised that speaking well about his exes was a solid cover act to seem like a nice guy (even though he completely abandoned each one coldly). They study healthy people to copy 'good behaviour' to seem more decent. Behind closed doors they were evil to each one. I have no doubt
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I No, pretty sure I don't treat ppl like my ex does. The difference is I have never set out to hurt someone and if I do something that hurts somebody else I am willing to change and take responsibility. My ex would never admit he was wrong or did anything hurtful even if you had evidence with pictures and videos and eyewitnesses. You are correct. The Word of God tells us we are all born into sin and we are all going to Hell unless we accept the sacrifice that the only perfect person made for us by taking our sins on Himself and dying for us and rising again on the 3rd day.
Trauma dump is a huge red flag. If you meet someone and the first time they talk to you they are telling you about their diagnosis, their dead family members who they are having a hard time moving past etc etc...run. Everyone has a story and a struggle. Do not give out your personal life story the first time you meet someone! They do this to hook you in or get nasty information on you.
Yes! Or when they convince you to open up too soon, usually whilst pretending to be super empathetic and interested in your story... red flag. They're gathering Ammunition and doing pattern reading like a hunter.
And have you noticed, people you BARELY know do this. I remember I once started a company where a colleguge trauma dumped her very personal issues on me, she turned out to be the biggest manipulator/liar in the whole company. The more they talk, the less I say.
Ditto. Parts of my childhood were very traumatic, leaving me needy. My romantic bonding experiences were formed out of desperation. After two failed marriages, I quit. I'm much happier on my own. I feel healed from my childhood trauma, but I still worry that a relationship could capsize my sense of security. Yes, it is not worth it to me either. It took me too long to build a happy life.
@@ny3683syr I’m one failed marriage down and currently continuing to work on healing the trauma. I just seem to repeat the same cycle and my peace is worth more than any amount of connection at this point. I’m not trading it. So I don’t blame you. Looking around, no one seems overwhelmingly happy in their relationships anyway. So I don’t feel like I’m really missing much.
One thing which is very telling - their attachment to their outer looks and perception other people have of them, their dependence on expensive brands and overattachment to the way they look. Superficial charm with no feelings underneath, speaking nice to people’s faces then absolutely crushing them behind the scenes, the contemptuous tone when speaking about others, the sense of grandiosity that they are better than everyone else. Run when you see these
Most people are very different in public compared to their inward self. That can be very jarring to discover after marriage vows have been exchanged. It's like changing a contract after it has been signed. In the words of Darth Vader, "I am altering the deal. Pray that I do not alter it any further."
The part where he said if you REALLY like someone right away is everything !!! That may be a sociopath! If you don’t immediately like someone off the bat because they’re awkward or rude that means they’re not trying to manipulate you. The people who are super likeable in the beginning. That’s a red flag 🚩 Edit: (specifically, men who come off as “sweet” or “really cool” to a girl they’re trying to get with).
This is good, but not always 100% true either! It's like alot of info is copy and paste where necessary and trusting your gut is most important of all!
Orange flag for caution and just proceed with caution as all people can throw a red flag from time to time. Caution as I was throwing red flags and I was in a toxic narc realionships for 29 years. Just be cautious.
This isn’t completely true in every situation because the opposite can be said too. For instance, if someone likes you right away, they could have some disorder themself like codependency or some other attachment disorder, maybe even be a narcissist themself. Not everything is black and white. There has to be other factors that determine if someone may be a sociopath and you’d have to get to know them and observe them more (maybe cautiously). You cannot just determine who a person truly is after only meeting them once. I think I am a very likable person. When I first meet someone, I am very friendly. That’s how I am. I’m not that way to try to manipulate someone. So that’s why I said not to immediately conclude that about somebody.
Glad you were OK, because when I was in the orthopedic wing, I was next to a teenage girl who jumped out of a moving car to get away from an intense argument with her mom, and she was EFFED UP.
Definitely not “on the spectrum” jumping out of a car on a busy moving street to “get away from a narcissist” when you could wait another few minutes to jump out of a stopped car at a red light even. But no. Yet another good decision, besides you didn’t get hurt. Wacko.
Journaling to work out my feelings is what made me realize something was seriously wrong in my marriage. He has since been diagnosed with ASPD. Highly recommend keeping a journal.
@@Olivia-bl8ez I also recommend to people to keep a checklist of unacceptable behaviors and start documenting next to each checkpoint when you feel off about something. It’s good to have a it in visual form right in front of you. Start filling those spaces up with incidents and you know it’s time to make your exit plan. I wish I never had to even think about this kind of thing.
@@nehapandey5921 great idea! idk if this is helpful but I didn’t have prompts. Just any time I felt really emotional I started writing down how I was feeling I didn’t want to tell my friends and family what was going on cuz I didn’t want to change their view of my ex when we were together. I obviously couldn’t tell my ex cuz he didn’t care. So anytime I felt super emotional I started telling my journal. Anytime I was crying alone, I just started writing to work out how I was feeling.
My emotionally abusive ex who was cheating on me the entire time was very charming but he would kind of sprinkle in fake awkwardness to seem endearing. It’s so creepy looking back. The man I’m talking to now is genuinely just goofy and awkward and willing to embarrass himself a bit to show how much he likes me, and it’s helped put me at ease after what I’ve been through. ❤️🩹
Yea. I should’ve known, now I’ve got new wounds to heal. We were friends for like 3 yrs beforehand tho, so I thought that would be a good foundation 🤦🏽♀️😆. I don’t trust myself with these guys anymore. I’ll just stay single, it’s safer.
@@ladyjaz6817pls don’t stay single . Life itself is very tough. I’m scared of your wounds , I don’t know how long it will take you to get em healed , if not , I would let us give it a try .
When trying to spot a narcissist, there are exceptions to the rule. The highly sensitive person can be mistaken for the narcissist even though their motivation is the exact opposite. Eg, the narcissist is not showing their emotions because they're cold and calculating trying to get what they want. The HSP can also not show their emotions, but it's for a different reason-- they might be sensitive to what's happening, the sounds, smells, other people's emotions that their feeling.
Here is something a diagnosed psychopath said on Reddit: “For cluster B, these trajectories can be rendered down to a principle primal fear and pattern of countering behavioural drivers. • NPD: fear of being unloved/forgotten • HPD: fear of being unwanted/ignored • ASPD: fear of being controlled” Remember this because this is the fears, the main driving force to hold they behave with others in society. People who have psychopathy read people extremely well. Some are organized thinkers who are highly intelligent, some are disorganized thinkers with low intelligence. It’s why it’s important to know this.
I lost my emotions after my grandma passed away. Can't determine if I'm sad or happy, I forgot how to smile. But back when I was a kid I'm the most friendliest kid in the neighborhood. But now I just stopped looking at people. Can't look them in the eyes, I feel like I don't deserve anything. When people cries I just stare at them because I don't know how to make them stop. I was a former rescuer also. Back then I always feel great helping, right now I just feel lost. Fiance left me, after my grandma passed away. I failed my training, become homeless. Everything just goes down, I even tried to end myself. But I'm trying my best to get back my emotion by reading the Bible. I need God more than ever.
Give yourself some time. After traumatic grief you just shut down. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your grandma wouldnt want that. Try to write down ONE positive thing a day that happend that day, could even be the smell of mowed grass, one little thing a day. Thats how healing start. Your grandma will bring more on your way, so try to open up for those little things. People use to say; You get what you deserve. I believe; You get what you can handle. There are bigger things in store for you, this episode is how you get tested. If you can handle THIS, you can handle Everything what comes next! Warm greetings from The Netherlands.
I love his point around 16:05 that we don’t live in a world where we can give people the benefit of the doubt. Totally agree! It’s time to move away from naivete as well as fear and paranoia, and move toward discernment. Clarity. It’s a higher way of thinking and a more aligned way of being.
How do you get away from tapper$ and double crossers on our phone lines ‽ Spys nor detectives won't tell you, It's about talk shows & idea promotion * What lable are them or you 🤔
I’m so concerned about women dating now. It is a challenging time out there. It takes years to truly get to know someone. I recommend not taking the freeway of love, take the slow road … he is so right about trusting what someone does, not what they say. Don’t give a part of yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Also if you keep missing red flags get counseling. That usually means you have unresolved issues from your past and you may keep falling for similar men. Trust yourself ladies!
If the CIA's main purpose is to manipulate foreign adversaries to their (the US) advantage, why is the US in decline in so many areas I wonder? Is it because the agents are incompetent and/or do a bad job or it is all by design?
You're right. Except I think "Trust yourself" is too simple. You need people around you who love you who will see things you don't see; trust them enough to listen, since your feelings may tell you to ignore the signs. You need friends and community with backbone and who feel responsible for you in the right ways, so dudes with bad intentions will fear for their lives (should always be the case). It sounds unempathetic, but the goal is not "empathy at all costs"; it's order. Order is the foundation for human flourishing.
Can they tell women how to identify child predators? Too many single women with young children are inviting these creeps into the lives of their children to the detriment of everyone.
In this context, the single mothers must lean on male family or friends. The emotional response is to warn all men, who are willing to enter into a relationship with a woman, that they cannot raise another man’s child.
Rule One: do not become a single mother unless you went to a sperm bank, adopted or fostered. Rule number 2: if you are a single mother, never leave your children alone with a man who isn't their father. That's it. every man has the potential to be a predator. And some men unalive their own children. If it wasn't illegal, as it is in many countries in the world, men would have sex with a child. Angola and the Philippines set the age of consent at 12. Pregnancy can destroy the body of a 12-year-old girl. The psychological burden of fatherhood can destroy the mind of a12-year-old boy. I'm nearly 43 and child free. If I still want children, I would not do it with a man. 9 out of 10 men that I grew up with had toxic traits...and not all of them were related to me. I'm talking about neighbours, community leaders, in laws, teachers and church leaders.
Trust your gut feelings. If a guy comes with no kids and you have kids, be cautious, no benefit of the doubt. If a guy keeps asking for money, be very careful
I once had a guy I was dating ask me “what are some red flags you see in me?” So he could temporarily modify his behavior to pull me in. He was like a robot studying humans so he could mimic them better.
I think I understand where you’re coming from. There are people who have narcissistic traits (basically toxic/unhealthy) but not enough to be diagnosed. I wonder if mental health professionals will come up w/ NPD Type 1 & NPD Type 2.
there are other disorders that can have traits or just make up for toxic behavior like bipolar for example, wich makes the population of toxic people just way more then 1/10
Christians believe 1/3 of the angels became demons, and then we have the people who are possessed or influenced by them, so, you can do the math, and it is fairly obvious some are of the same spirit with the tropes they repeat.
It's literally gaslighting, except of changing the gas volume of the gas lamp, you change the dates on purpose then blame the other one when they're confused by you changing dates for fun. What a terrible idea.
@@Alpharexx i can tell you one thing: until youre completely independent of a narc - you have to get very close to doing shitty stuff like that -with the narcs you try to get away from... I am threading this insanely fine line right now. its enormously draining to not fuck it up! :)
If you do your research on someone, does that mean you're a terrible person? Should you blindly follow and believe? I tested people before, and if I haven't, I'd have been fooled by their act.
I taught emotionally disturbed teens for 28 years; all this was present, and I had to learn how to deal with them or not. Now, I don't let anyone around me that I don't look at hard, and all it takes is one attempt to cross my boundary, and I am DONE.
People like you are incredible. You have my utmost respect for being able to withstand the stresses of your duties for 28 years, for such an important cause.
not everyone has bad intentions though or crosses boundaries on purpose. i understand and support this idea when it comes to people that get a kick out of pushing people, but even difficult people deserve a chance to connect with someone. the way you phrase it here makes me think that you make yourself very very lonely out of trauma about what you experienced with these children. in the video at some point he talks about genuine people. how we are rough around the edges and dont act in a dishonest way. if you only accept smooth people around you, then you wont find genuine ones. hope you ok. and thank you for being one of those people that helped me alot when i was one of *these* boys... ❤️🫂
@@ffh6795 '...but even difficult people deserve a chance to connect with someone,' you say, but NO THEY DON'T. That type of entitlement is exactly what a narcissist or their enablers would have.
I can smell one from a mile away. They frequently give a pitty story very early on - I now see to test your reaction. Then they study / stalk your social media and say things acting like you to you. Then they act too nice and too in love too soon. Men with issues frequently ask for sex too soon too. They also have bad habits like alcoholism and drug use….
Yes, but they ALWAYS slip up. ALWAYS! It's extremely hard to keep this up for a long time. We need to be emotionally strong enough to identify and accept when they do slip.
@yamairad1 Yes, this is true. However, some of them can fake it as long as an year. Especially if they are trying to trap you in a relationship/ marriage.. Speaking from experience😔.
@44bosslady Oh, I know. I was married to one. But, that's why you keep distance like he said. I let my X get too close to quick. I'm certain I would have left him had I had more space. Keep your distance and your eyes open.
Law enforcement and military have a lot of anti social/ narcissistic people. I’ve heard women talk about never dating cops or military. I would add politicians and ultra religious. I won’t say they all are but there is a culture within these circles that can be very toxic. I also can’t say this guy is, but I get the suspicion.
It's hard to tell which catagory. The give away isnt his past-- it's his charisma. It is rehearsed, unnatural, and full of too much unearned confidence. He is faking and sculpting a persona that is not true to who he really is. But rather who he wants people to think he is
"If we don't value that information, we don't remember it." Remember that when he can't remember your previous conversations that you did value. He did not.
Hold on to your horses, there. Some people get flustered when they are interacting with someone they like a lot, and their brain stops working properly due to over-excitement. Don't jump to conclusions over someone who can't remember your name when they first meet you.
As someone who just got out of a relationship with someone like this... I am not sure about the give and take test. In the love bombing stage they will give anything and everything. It's all about winning you over and making you reliant on them. He painted my apartment and helped me with my kids at the drop of a hat when I called. Thats how they get you trauma bonded. They want to be your go to person so when they treat you terribly you don't know how to turn away.
Or maybe you're not being honest with yourself about the issues YOU brought to the relationship? So tired of this "love bombing" nonsense. It isn't weird to do nice things for people. How the fuck else are you supposed to develop an intimate relationship with someone?
Like honestly the fact that you could actually give examples when it came to the "love bombing" part of your claim but just vaguely claim they later "treat you terribly" is quite telling honestly.
@@henritaas9997 i didn't "read their whole life", it's just how i see 99% of these cases where girls claim a guy "love bombed" them. Like oh yeah, i'm sure he did all those nice things with evil intentions. Like even if shit went bad i doubt they pre planned all that and did those nice things specifically to make it hurt more later like that term implies. If someone wanted you that bad and then decided layer they didn't just maybe it's your behavior.....
I'm a planner with schedule involving other peoples time. If someone cancels, then they are disrespectful of everyone involved. I don't think this is a fair way to test someone just for the sake of it.
Ok this one has been so healing for me (as well as the last). I was worried about not being “nice” to the maintenance guy in my apartment complex, but he kind of gives me a bad vibe. So whenever he talks to me I just keep it very short and bland. The other day as I was walking into the building he stopped me to tell me I didn’t need to use my access key card because the door is open during business hours. And I just said “it’s just a habit” and walked away. I felt SO awkward and like maybe I should have “taken care” of his feeling and been like “oh thank you bla bla bla”. But I’m very honest in all my interactions, so I just couldn’t fake politeness. Anyway this has been AWESOME. I feel really validated in the way I carry myself around in this world, just the way he described it “a little bit awkward, a little bit irritating”. It takes a while to love me, lol. But I do consider myself a good, genuine person 😊
The problem is: those who are counted are only the ones who have been diagnosed. Most of them will never go to a psychological professional for diagnosis at all. Never accepting that one has a problem is one of the obvious red flags of people with these disorders. So what are the real numbers?
I have a narcistic father and my mother took the role of a co-narcisist. I suffered a lot during my childhood. Had severe issues to trust and had as well a lot of agression and some narcistic role models in me. A few years back i wanted to take over the company of my father. Deep inside me i knew it proably will fail. It did. He treated my very badly again in the whole process. Unfortunately at this period as well i lost my former therapist which went to retirement. I started to develop psychosomatic syndroms because the soul pain wanted to the surface. I lost ground and ended up in a burnout and need to go to a psychiatric istitution. There they diagnosed me as well with some narcistic role models when i get under pressure. I ever worked a lot on me personally since 18 i went to a therapist. But the keypoint with Narcism is: You personally only going to change yourself if you really need to and realise that you loose people you love and strugle to be part of the social ecosystem you like to be. My Ex Girlffriend supported me a lot in that time but unfortunately it was too much weight for our relationship. So i think i everytime was in between of like understanding and refusing narcisim and beiing put into that role model and manipulation and so on and the other part was just i child needing for love and of course this big weakness the narcisist takes very welcomely. I distanced myself from my parents and do not have any contact with them and i feel better then ever. The work and development is on going but love and mother nature are there. I‘m proud of my way❤
in american society? probably closer to 50%. being rich and famous, the american dream of “success”, is what most americans value. if they have that, they use their percieved power to control and intimidate. if they dont have that but think they should, they use those same tactics to try to get what they feel entitled to. americans are the worst, we’ve been mislead about whats really important. nothing is wrong with financial success inbyour profession. but its how u treat others that matters most. i cant stand it especially, when women walk over other women because yhey think well if men can get away with it on their way to the top, then why cant a woman? um, thats missing the point entirely. we need to lift each other up and support each other.
@16:50 he’s absolutely right about the lack of people-pleasing, the socially a bit awkward thing, at least for some people. My husband is like this. I *know* that whatever he says to me he absolutely believes/knows; it’s his personal integrity. What I see is what I get. There is no manipulation in him. I love that! I grew up in a family where my father was a narcissist, and my mother was very controlling and abusive. We’ve been happily married for almost 17 years. 💝
4:30 Be careful while testing someone, making changes time after time also puts the tester in a bad light, meaning the tester can't be trusted to keep their word or promises.
My thoughts exactly. Change is not suggested for an actual reason but as some sort of whim to "test" if a person can roll with it. A few of those changes I would roll right out of that relationship.
I dated a guy that has the first few traits he just named. When I told him that he acts like a sociopath, he didn’t flinch. He just asked how did I come to that conclusion. No facial expressions!!!!
EVERYBODY NEEDS THIS INFORMATION. And if you're dreamy about someone WAKE UP and look at what they're REALLY like. Take what they say with a grain of salt unless they've PROVEN OVER TIME that they're reliable. WATCH WHAT THEY DO= for THAT is Reality.
Self love, celibacy and the 90 day rule will help keep you safe. Don't be prey, follow your instincts and follow your intuition. Never on-line date, it has become a playa's paradise.
I have Adhd and sensory Autism. I don't cope well with change and I may react emotionally. However I rationalise with myself and am quick to apologise or fix the situation.
One basic and easy way to spot issues is if you feel you are walking on eggshells around someone. You can't put your finger on it but there's a discomfort or awkwardness. The trick is, to notice that, the eggshells, and take it seriously and respond to it. Most often the proper response is to bail. Obviously, this happening at work or with family, yikes
My ex argued against the ‘relevancy principle’ - he would say “stop putting these things together, that other time was 6 months ago, get over it”. It kept me confused and stuck for years.
‘All you do is throw things I’ve shared with you back in my face in the next argument’ 🙄🙄🙄 uhhh no I’ve just noticed the pattern of your behaviour has been present for a long time and you are damned even by your own words 😂😂
@@ec1222 if you're actually using things shared by them whilst vulnerable to shame them in an argument that is NOT healthy, but expressing your hurt or concern over repeated behaviour is different.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I I work in field that requires an understanding of those terms so I agree sociopaths is an outdated term. Psychopathy is still recognised with assessment criteria. I have worked with people with Antisocial PD (and other PDs). I didn’t mention evil, just a pattern of behaviour. And I’m talking about a relationship with someone I loved, not a psychopath. Your comment is a bit strange.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
So... To find if someone we are dating is a narcissist, we must test them doing things that narcissist do, like cancelling plans at the last minute or taking away something with sudden change. Yeah, sure... This test will make health people with secure attachment and great conditions cut you off because you are showing you can't be really trusted. And if you are dealing with a narcissist... oh boy, that person will be really patient just to take revenge and make your life hell... I'd rather take my chances and behave like a mature adult who respects other people. There is no need to do that kind of thing to test people. Just set healthy boundaries and be strong for your well-being and the ones around you. Just go to therapy people. And learn to be a good enough human being ❤
I agree with some of what you say. I think your basic premise is correct. For example, narcissists take advantage of codependent people. We like to go around, calling ourselves fancy things, like "empath" and then that's not enough, we have to come up with fancy additional special kinds of empaths to be so that we can feel like we are magical beings, this itself is our narcissism working. We may not have it clinically, but we have moments of some of it because we're on the same spectrum with them. Anyway, I digress a bit. The part of your equation that you left out is an exit strategy for not dealing with a narcissist. You cannot set boundaries with somebody who has disorders like these. They know how to move the goalposts in ways that you can't see coming. If you think that you may be dealing with one, you need to stop dealing with them.u
@@NEbluefire I agree! We don't set boundaries with a narcissist. We just don't deal with them. We put them out of our life. It's simple, not easy. That's why I said we have to be strong for our own well-being and be brave to do what we must. I dealt with a narcissist woman for some time a while back, so I know there is no way to deal with them without ending in a bad situation.
@az55544 the 1 in 10? You don't know me, nor anyone else who I've seen you accuse of being narcissist. Please get help... You seem to see narcissists everywhere. That's not healthy or realistic at all. Wish the best for you ❤️
The majority of people in western society fall for charisma first and foremost. And often times, people with a lot of charisma tend to have serious personality disorders.
@@joanofarcxxi indeed. A lot of us are taken in by surface level facades that appear to be “nice” but underneath, there’s a complete lack of integrity there.
I’m dealing with a narcissistic ex-husband! For everything I need to go to court because co-parenting only works on his terms. Unfortunately the court and all the government offices fall for his charisma and fake persona! It’s frustrating. I’m at a point where I’m thinking about to just give him full custody to end this battle that I can’t win!
I'm late diagnosed autistic, I do not handle change well. I find this way of testing could lead to false ideas ir suspicion based off this one test alone. Change is very confusing and overwhelming for me which turns into being upset or sad, not volatile or angry. Please be careful with that chunk of advice yall ❤
so he is right, because autists cant provide health to a relationship. autist are always comorbid with either borderline, narcissism, psychopath, adhd or add. they are not good in providing a stable healthy upbringing for the kids.
Autism runs in my family, and I thought of this advice of testing change conflicting as well. Rest assured, I think people will be able to tell the difference. After an autistic person has a meltdown, there is usually a cooling down period of apology and guilt which comes out, as opposed to what the video is saying of a psychopath/sociopath never apologizing or showing guilt (or even showing emotion). Autistic people are usually sensitive and sweet and will ask questions of people and show both their creativity and genuine interest, as opposed to psychopaths/sociopaths never asking those questions and operating within their own self-interests all the time. Testing how a manipulative person responds to a change in plans is still good advice I think, along with the implication of course that it's not the only test, but one piece of the puzzle.
No, a healthy relationship has true love and care, that doesn't just go away. It is reciprocal until it ends, not transactional. The latter means more like, that's what narcs do, just extracting what THEY can from the relationship, then easily discard you and not care about you anymore. Which is sick
Exactly Dr. Ramani who is an expertise in Narc, sociopaththy, psychopathy. She always says people with those personality disorders view relationships as transactional.
This is the 1st time that someone, psychologist or not, has actually said that NPD, ASPD, etc is actually more common than not.... we have seen people like this EVERY.SINGLE.DAY but people will say "oh it's only 1% it's not that common stop saying that".... etc. Also give it the fact that these people don't go to therapy, so of course they aren't getting accurate numbers... they're correlations....
People are born with a personality. Bad people can't blame their lack morals on a bad childhood. I had a bad childhood, I was abused, it didn't turn me into a narcissist or a psychopath.
If you knew anything about mental health you would know how wrong you are. Your environment develops you. That’s why abused people change their fucking personalities BECAUSE of the abuse. You can’t have it both ways.
So psychopathy is generic as studies have show from brain scans. The difference between ones who murder vs don’t is how they grew up. You have to be ruthless and conniving to be a CEO, which is traits of being a psychopath. Hence why serial killers they either had been so severely abused, including child sexual assault/molestation, while having trouble with the law by age 14, or they have a TBI from being beaten so badly their brain chemistry changes. Hence why it’s vital to understand by looking at serial killers like Ed Kemper “The Co-Ed Killer” or HH Holmes to really understand how this happens.
What nobody wants to admit is that colonialism will create criminally inclined children. They're born inheriting the traits of their ancestors, it's a controversial topic but epigenetics is real, only a strong nurturing environment can undo or silence the proclivities.
Absolutely! Being born into drugs and prostitution, my sis remains true to her desires and needs to manipulate, and control while feeding off of the weaknesses or lack of knowledge other unknowing souls have. We grew up enduring the same horrific experiences. I’m not any better than her. I just made a conscious choice to see all as God’s children and stay away from the lost ones until I could learn to manage my emotions and where they come from and to take responsibility for the way I treat myself and others. It’s a choice. She’s a psychologist. She knows more about the way trauma affects the brain than most.
I agree with him 100 %, with regard to being very cautious about who you allow into your life. Although, through direct observation, over a course of time, most of the time (not always) you can tell if someone is a criminal/liar/cheater/has severe mental health issues/has covert illicit drug problems, or may be totally healthy.
i 100% agree with you. we also have a higher population, more people means more narcs and we have more access to information also helps us understand and identify those individuals more easily. narcs in the past could probably mask way easier than now in an age of surveillance
I love children and always want them to be safe, healthy, and happy but... recently I find myself thinking of them as manipulative and bossy and controlling and it breaks my heart because they're not getting guidance and it seems to be their survival "skill" they come up with... 😢
@@devinesent7696 For some of them, it is very true. Not all narcissists show these traits though. In fact, most of the ones I've known didn't. There are many different kinds of people with narcissistic personality disorder. The covert narcissist in particular is harder to identify. They hide it very well. Especially when you are just getting to know them. I've found that there are always red flags present with narcissists in the beginning, you just have to look for them.
Changing up something on an autistic person is likely to cause them stress and upset and a lot of neurodivergent people are that way as well but they are not bad people.
@@RebeccaNewmansopranothey might get upset in a way others might confuse with anger. However those people usually are not the easiest likeable people. So I would add: when someone is very easy to like then you add change and see how they react.
@@az55544 you’re a genius. The next time I’m working with an autistic client and plans get changed and they react I’ll just tell them to stop being autistic. Thanks for your valuable insight.
@simonschneider5913 Ok, so I'm a Jewish man who is gay. I'm also extremely monogamous. So my ex was addicted to porn. He was overweight. I am not. I am 6ft 2, 180lbs thin. He would not touch me. He cheated on me and brought an STI home to me. His sister's name was on all the bank accounts, his mother was psychotic. I was supposed to take care of her and her son, cook, clean, work, and do the yard. They bought me gardening tools for my birthday. I am also Latino. My ex would make fun of me, he would make "jokes" about the Holocaust. He once told me I was the cause of Hitler and the Holocaust. He would hold me down on the bed and put his full weight on me. His sister wanted to control me. Her favorite thing to say to me was that my perceptions were off, that I needed to listen to what her brother said about her and not judge her on her own actions. They both stole their mother's social security check on a regular basis. I refused to put my money into their account, and so the sister and my ex-husband started treating me like I did not exist. The mother would blame me for everything I stopped cleaning up after him. She would constantly call me a spick yet he would never defend me. He tried to force me into things I consider wrong threesoms and things like that. He made a grinder account and was using my pictures to catfish men.
So impactful, grew up around these blood suckers. It’s incredibly hard to discern when raised by them and their posse. As an INFJ I’ve fallen for this until I learned all of this. Thank you 🌻
Not true after narcissistic abuse I would share too much information and I know a veterinarian did it been through hell and back when his wife cheated on him when he was battling cancer so that’s not always true some people just dump their trauma because they’re overwhelmed. It has nothing to do with wanting somebody to feel pity for you.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I nasty like you? I know that the clinical diagnosis/name of personality disorder is called anti social personality disorder but thank you for your attempt on educating me. To assume that you know exactly what I don't know and what I'm trying to say, is pretty grandiose. Nobody is impressed by your lack of social skills. I said nothing to you nor did I try to offend anyone but here we are. I'm sure I'm not the first person you tried to insult today and I won't be the last.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I nasty like you? I know that the clinical diagnosis/name of personality disorder is called anti social personality disorder but thank you for your attempt on educating me.
What I was trying to assert with my original comment, was that statistically only 1% or one point some of people are psychopathic or sociopaths/anti social but like buddy in the video said, there are actually more and I believe it.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I and yes they actually do. The name of the mental disorder was just modified when they wrote the DSM-5. And I'm not wrong about what I said about you as I just checked out your channel and you have nothing positive to offer. I'm not the first person to go off on you and tell you exactly what you need to be told but you don't learn very quickly. You get off on trying to put others down r and by causing trouble. If didn't respect the creator of this channel, I'd have a lot more to say to you, believe me. One day you won't be able to hide behind your phone or tablet or whatever device you use. Oh let me guess, it's probably the best! Lol
Suddenly changing plans to sus out a person with antisocial personality disorder isn’t a good indicator because you might accidentally include people with tight, busy schedules for whom last minute schedule changes pose a problem. 😕
I agree. I took issue with this, as well. If someone cancels on me or changes plans once, okay, fine. But twice or more? No thank you. If the person can't be arsed to show up when we have plans, I don't consider them to be courteous, responsible, or a friend. I think canceling or changing plans at the last minute is disrespectful. I can see changing the restaurant from Chinese to Italian or whatever, but to cancel at the last minute? More than once? That's not cool.
The one simple test. Tell them no. No is a complete sentence. But not to them.
They will lose their 💩. They may roll with it the first time but if you keep telling them NO they will show you who they are
@@janetkendle2073 Exactly.
🎉 fact.
That's surely contextual
Bingo!!! Ad for many of this, ONLY saying no is very hard. That’s a trauma response. Understand that and just DO IT. This is how we grow out of these trauma responses.
I dated a narcissist:
1. They never apologize.
2. They are victims.
3. Everything is someone else’s fault.
4. They will spoil your birthday and every happy occasion that is not about them.
5. They need to control everything: when to eat, what to eat, what to do, the color of the bedspread… EVERYTHING!
6. They will undermine you and belittle you constantly.
7. They will cut you off from your friends and loved ones.
8. They will use your weaknesses and or things you told them against you.
9. They will groom someone else before discarding you.
10. They will love bomb you at first.
This is a valuable video. Lisa is such a good hostess. The guest is knowledgeable. Very handsome. I'd love to see his hair shorter. It's too girly. Sup with that?
@@danilaroche1156 #5 much? 😂
They 💀💀💀💀
Lisa is a great host .The guest is very handsome and explains everything well
They make you doubt your own memory. You believe you’re crazy because you swear you remember something, but it gets twisted just enough that you doubt everything. It takes FOREVER to recover and learn to trust your intuition and memory again.
Pycopaths can fake empathy like academy award winners.
Yep!!
They'll do it to get you to admit stuff and then use it against you.
Yes
Correct 🎯
But, they also mess up because they're imitating people. They will parrot the "right" thing to say, or the facial expression they think goes with the situation, but it will look odd. Look at the way Trump smiles for photos. It's a weird grimace. There's no joy in his eyes. Often, they won't be sure how to respond or react, so they will repeat whatever you said or say, "Me, too!" I was with a narcissist for 11 years. I wish I had trusted my gut when I thought his responses were weird. The worst one was around year 9, when he had sucked the life and joy out of me... but I kept attributing my state to me being "broken". I told him I could barely get through a day because I was so depressed and that I often "wished I wasn't here anymore ". I said I was going to find a therapist. He replied, without looking up from whatever he was reading, "Well, I'm perfectly happy with my little life." I replied with a game show buzzer sound and said, "Wrong answer! Someone who tells me every day that he loves me should say something like, 'I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Is there anything I can do to help you?" His face told me that he was more worried about not knowing what a "normal" caring response should be than about the fact that the love of his life wanted to die. I could go on and on, but he's been out of my life for 4 years and I try not to think about him. This video popped up, probably from when I watched a lot of videos about narcissists, which gave me the courage finally to get him to leave. Luckily he had been grooming Ms. Plan B for at least a year, so I didn't have to push too hard for him to leave. Of course, he presented it to me that he was leaving because he "met someone." Yeah, like a year ago 😅
Narcissists can't apologise, amd when they do it's a fake apology
That right there! That's how to find a narc. They can't genuinely and without reservation take blame.
💯💯
What about the person who you genuinely apologize to and they prefer to hold a grudge and resentment over you for said innocent mistake.
People aren’t perfect on both sides. Mistakes happen. It’s what we do with learning from the mistake so that it doesn’t happen again is what it should be about. It should be about healing together and learning the other.
The person I want to be with is someone I look up to and respect.
Exactly, finally a quality answer. Folks, no single marker immediately shows you if a person has a dark personality. It's a pattern. You need to be on the lookout for the aggregate set.
The best strategy is seeing if they follow the "Narcissist Prayer" steps:
1) "That didn't happen."
2) "And if it did, it wasn't that bad."
3) "And if it was, that's not a big deal."
4) "And if it is, that's not my fault."
5) "And if it was, I didn't mean it."
6) "And if I did, you deserved it!"
And they never give complements. They feed on making you miserable and you are always the problem not them
Narcissists are nice and kind when they want something. Their behavior is inconsistent. Whatever suits them.
I second this as accurate ✅
Brilliant!????... Then EVERYONE is a narcissist.
How 'bout self awareness? Oh, that's way too damned hard.
So truuuuuue
@@allnoyz7895 I'm not mean and cruel when I don't get what I want, so I'm not a narcissist. I make sure other people feel safe, happy and comforted, even if they have to tell me news that I'm disappointed by. My problems aren't other people's responsibility. Not everybody things they get the right to be mean to people just because they don't get everything they want, like a petulant child.
@@kalleidemation Ok...ok. I see. It's just that everyone thinks it's the other person - not the self.
People should convict themselves internally before accusing others.
Talking about narcissists as if it could 'never be me' is a mild form in itself. Was not trying to be 'mean.'
This shouldn’t surprise anyone. The system BREEDS and CONDITIONS for narcissistic, sociopathic, Machiavellian personality. That’s how to survive and succeed in this system. The more these behaviors are demonstrated, the more reward, the more fame, wealth, success. The numbers are higher than what he states.
Narcissistic (entitled)
Sociopath (lacking empathy)
Machiavellian (strategic selfishness)
@@mayamichelle6741that’s why trump has “succeeded” 💯
Far higher.
Kamala Harris? 80 to 90% of lawyers and psychologists, at least if involved in family law or successful and cutthroat in the Silicon Valley.
Hasn't it always been that way?
I broke down crying in front of a guy I was dating and I mean ugly crying and he had absolutely NO empathy for me at all. Zero response , words or actions from him. It was actually really chilling. I couldn't get him away from me any faster. Never looked back.
why were you breaking down though? if it was a first date i would run away from you. context is important.
My ex sat there with me sobbing with my broken heart (my dad died) and he was a stone. Wouldn't even look at me or acknowledge me. It was so awkward.
Mine (lawyer) lied to his doctor so he could stock up on a prescription (he was an addict before he got into law school). I found out and he gaslit, and all sorts of things. I started crying and he made fun of how I looked and sounded while I was crying.
@@kates4089 mine was a drunkard and a pill popper and he would DRIVE SEMI TRUCKS with his sippy cup... He would stop and get a Big Gulp and pour Crown in it and a dash of Coke and pop about 10 pills. He would gaslight me too.
So that situation was really a blessing in disguise then!
He love bombed me so quickly and asked a lot about me only to then act like he had the same interests… he actually did not. He is a chameleon and a great master thespian…. So grateful I woke up…
fine ill fully surrender and than when u go by no approach? why are we doing this to each other? u aren't perfect by miles I bet neither am I....maybe u are part of the 1% of enlightned masters but really are you yet?
Oh for heaven’s sake, we are talking about narcissists here, not minor imperfections. Stop being a flying monkey.
AND psychopaths. Let people learn to protect themselves.
Narcissists are now studying these videos. So, trusting your spirit, having strong boundaries and loving yourself enough to walk away after one boundary violation or seeing one red flag ❤❤❤❤❤
yeah, then pick the bad boy and wonder why your in a toxic relationship... you have no idea how many times I see comments like this and the women turns right around and goes "oh, he'll be different with me, I can fix him".
completely ignoring the warning signs because he's got money, attractive or status.
The problem is people's instincts SUCK and they can't tell a geniounly bad person from someone who is just socially awkward.
@@Steadyriot-is4jg You sound like a pigcel.
@@Steadyriot-is4jg Because they need healing for c-dependancy and only our maker can do that!
Well said!
He actually says you need to test someone a few times - that shows you a pattern of behavior. If there are too many red flags - it means you need to dip out.
When I started to secretly question if my husband was a sociopath...I was crying because I just learned my mother had just died and it was a horrible, painful death. My husband yelled at me, saying, "She was old, so why are you crying?" He told me "Everybody dies, so what was the big deal?!" He later mocked me, sniffling and mimicking my crying. Yep...I should have left him.
His upbringing vs whether it was his true nature, is distinguished when you can respond to his statements, rather than dismiss and label it as heartless. As there is merit in your emotion and there is deeper analysis in his lack thereof. There are traits that he would be good at and the one he is not does not represent the whole.
Not saying his not a sociopath but as the interviewee said it is multiple tests. But at the same time there can biasness to these tests and one has to be subtle.
@@denvernaicker8250I am a very unemotional person, when it comes to let's say, a dangerous situation where everyone else is in a panic. I just flip into a "we have to deal with this immediately and smartly" mode. It's like I am not scared tho I should be. If it involves a dangerous person that's a threat, I flip into an "I just have to outsmart him" mode.
I am not a cryer. I actually get annoyed with ppl who cry over things that can be dealt with. I don't get annoyed about ppl crying in grief. I rarely cry, and if I do, it's not in front of anyone. Only a few times in my 61 years.
HOWEVER, when it comes to dogs, I can get very emotional if they are hurt. Or look scared. Or anything other than happy.
Now my normal emotion, is being happy. Little things make me happy. A little silly gift. A surprise visit. And I'm very friendly. Unless you screw me over somehow. Then I'm very vindictive and unforgiving. Especially if the person is a friend. I can wave off a person I don't care about. I just act like they don't exist. And resume my happiness.
But anyway. Even though I'm am happy and fun to be around (so they say), I feel like I might be a little psychopathic. Because of how I don't feel like I think I should, like when somebody dies. I don't break down. I don't cry, unless it's late at night and I start thinking about them and miss them or wish they were still here.
I just think I should feel unhappy more than I do at certain times. Is there a disorder for always being in a good mood? But still have a cold side? Maybe it's because I'm an Aquarius. Everything I've read says we come across as cold and aloof at certain times. But we really aren't. I don't know, and I don't know why I put this as a reply to YOUR comment! Lol sorry.
You didn't?????
@@IdahoRanchGirl This is very interesting. I see myself in a lot of points you mentioned and I am currently 21 years old. I would love to hear more
He raised a great point though that I always say - SLOW IT DOWN! Especially if this is dating. Covert Narcissists and psychopathic narcissists (malignant narcissists) need you to fall for them fast and will pull out every stop to make that happen. Best test for a narcissist or ASPD - set boundaries, tell them NO and see how they respond. If they can’t get what they want from you they will move onto someone that is easier.
That’s it exactly 👍 I was thinking disagree with them or make them mad and watch the reaction but putting up boundaries pees them off the most! And they won’t stick around if you continue to do this. 😊
@@CrystalShadow❤ good because who’s wants them around? 😂
21:49 he said it
@@CrystalShadow Make them mad? Perfect example of toxic femininity, and a sure way to push away any man. Disagree, that's fine, putting up boundaries, also fine.
Mmhmm! So highly suggest watching “Signs of a Serial Killer”, season 5 episode 11 where a team of forensic psychologists, some that have worked with the FBI, break down the five main traits of psychopathy.
And one the most interesting things about people with this DSM V Cluster B type when they lay in the charm, normal people can see the boundary and know when it’s getting too much.
A psychopath? They can’t recognize this boundary and that’s when it goes from charming into love bombing territory easily! It’s how serial killers corner their victim a and impulsively inflict violence very easily.
Here is info, saved a screen shot from the Reddit group where 2/3rds are diagnosed Psychopaths:
“A question about the motives of psychopaths. Psychopaths motivations are not usually so well thought out or understood by the psychopaths themselves, they see something they want it they take it. That's pretty much the extent of the thinking. Psychopaths tend to be impulsive and lack a great deal of control over their impulses, their brain abnormalities are well known for having deficits in areas that control empathy but they also are deficient in areas that regulate logic and self control as well. So the motivation for most psychopaths is they felt like it, or wanted it etc. very superficial and crude. Think of an adult size child that misbehaves a lot psychopathy is much more than that but developmentally it is true psychopaths are in some ways at the level of development mentally as a child is.”
Hence why it’s vital people are aware of how they operate to keep themselves safe because these type of folks tend to have sadism tendencies (ie - lived to inflict pain and gets off on hurting others).
I would say the first sign will come from your own gut feeling which will send signal to your body telling you that this person doesn't make you feel comfortable being around him/her. The fact that you are already asking this question should alert you to be careful. Something will feel off and you won't know what it is exactly. Covert narcissists can act very charming in the beginning but there will be often also present underlying sense of superiority about them.
That sense is actually deriving from them feeling insecure about themselves, so they tend to quietly degrade others in order to feel better about themselves. On the other hand if covert narcissist feels that you are above his league, he will act like your servant, trying to please you - almost annoying in a way. But make no mistake. If you decide to stay in a relationship with him, he will downgrade you and abuse you like all the others. Because in his mind, if you love him, he thinks you are unworthy of him.
Covert narcissists hate themselves so if someone loves them, than they think this person is worth less than them and that they can do better. Other sign to look for is any kind of judgment towards others. If he criticises other frequently, he will more likely criticise you as well once he gets more comfortable around you. Pay attention to how he treats people that are dependent on him as well. Narcissists hate those especially if they can't get anything of of that for themselves.
Moreover, Cheating in marriages is not restricted to only men. Women cheat as much as men do. If you're suspecting your wife of infidelity, you'll have to keep an eye on her of her without her knowledge of her. One of the best ways to know if your spouse cheats on social platforms is by paying close attention to how your spouse behaves while online. The signs are pretty the same. Is your spouse more time on the app without explanation and gets unnecessarily defensive when you ask about it? If your spouse behavior has changed lately, and continues to spend more time on social apps, it's time for you to take action, with the help of a private investigator (suggested; METASPYHUB@GMAIL. COM , you can find out what is taking all their time on social apps, who they are talking to and other things happening,,
Dont forget to trust your gut.
Yes !! If someone gives you a creep vibe or you are forced to interact with someone who is self centered, and lacks empathy, watch out !
Indeed
The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker
Safe People by Henry Cloud
In this world verify everything. Dating requires detective skills. Investigate like the FBI. A background check is a necessity. Never doubt patterns AKA The Track Record
Interrogate Your Partners Their Past Is Your Future-Sam Vaknin podcast
So so true
The gut NEVER lies
Intuition
@@priscillaL83 I would say the same thing but in another podcast…diary of a CEO…this same gentleman who worked for the CIA says that we should NOT in fact trust our gut because we are often wrong when we do. He has some good insights but to me that was definitely not one of them.
@@DEPineda you are right there because sometimes we may operate out of a fearful or more paranoid instinct. Peoole say follow your heart but sometimes it may be deceiving. So far though my gut has been right though lol but you're right too.
As a “socially awkward” person, I thought being awkward was such a disadvantage in society. The affirmation that awkward can be a good thing actually gave me a boost of confidence. Relationships are so complicated. 🙏🏽
Is socially "awkward" not saying what they want you to say or moving as they wish you to move? They lie alot and don't know what they are talking about.
A bit simplistic but somewhat correct
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I I do agree with the view of not calling them "narc", but rather just saying they are nasty people.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I Also what is "nasty" for us might be an outright "angel" for another...
Indeed 👍 (I am exactly the same)
Heavy with the “They have the RIGHT to privacy- but YOU DON’T!!!!”
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
That's right the person hacks me has to know everything about me but I know nothing :/ I dont care anymore I just ignore them
THIS is the biggest indicator!
They hack ur bathroom😢
@@dollyrama1132 The spy cameras in the bathrooms and bedrooms and live streaming it on the Dark Web yuuuuup
My 20th wedding anniversary is tomorrow. My lovely husband just got out of a car, in front of the building WE live in together with another female. Of course I'm blind as hell and didn't see what me, the security guard at our residence and a couple of friends witnessed. What pecks my peas is when a narcissist argues public, and apologies in private. THAT is my husband. He asked me what I wanted for our anniversary and I replied, A DIVORCE. Be strong my sisters of EVERY RACE and religion. Hold your ground, but most important, don't argue with these clowns and remain the beautiful, strong women that you are. RESPECT!
Oh h3ll no 20 years .. be strong you're worth more than this clown
Dated a guy for several months. Nightmare out of the gate. Could not get him out of my life. Broke up with him three times. At the end, he laughed in my face and told me it was all a joke, a series of tests to see if I was "strong enough" to date him, and that I had failed. I went no contact immediately...thought getting away from him would be the end, but instead he doubled down...stalked down my friends, lied to them (conned them), blamed me for his own problems (getting fired from jobs, evicted from places because he couldn't get along with anyone). For years, he got other women to befriend me and syphon information about my life so he could continue to undermine it. This was 9 years ago and I'm still dealing with the fallout. I still think of moving, even though he's left, because I can't undo the damage he did. Reminders of it everywhere. RUN if you have even the slightest unsure feeling.
Same thing happened to me lol😂
Holy crap what a nightmare!
I second that! Dealing with a similar situation now! Can't trust no one!
Check DARVO tactics - deny (culpability), attack (the other person), and reverse victim and offender
Mhmm. I felt every word of this. Down to getting girls to befriend me. Ugh, fucking creep!
I rather be alone then dealing with this situation I love my peaceful life.. it took me 7 years to stand on my own and that how it will stay I am 70 years old been married 3 time and going thru hell I said to myself once I leave that’s it no more for me thank God I am free 😁🙏
❤
Me too. Agreed. God got me out of a bad situation. I’m grateful.
Much love to you. I'm 43, been married twice...my peace is my top priority now - my health literally depends on it. But I trust myself enough now that I know I can see the signs incredibly quickly and get them out. I don't expect to be alone the rest of my life, but I'm at peace with it either way. Trusting myself took me 4 years of working constantly on it - best thing I ever did!
I hope you continue to keep your peace and happiness ❤
66 here, similar story and agree. Stay out of relationships; they aren't worth it.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I actually that term does still exist for many around the world. But none of us on this thread mentions either, nor did any of us mention evil. We just choose to be alone rather than deal with the "anti-social" people who have been abusive to us in the past. That is within our right to do so and comment as such - it's helpful for those still going through abuse to know there are other victims who have survived, got away, and are happy now. Nobody is suggesting that we are somehow better than others, just survivors who have 1 common interest - or rather experience. If you want to be on a soapbox giving faith to abusers - that they're OK, cos everyone has a bit of evil in them, then I don't think you have any clue about what harm this behaviour has. Nor is their behaviour "normal" I refuse to live in a world where that is deemed OK, because it most definitely is not.
Yes there are some on the anti-social spectrum who still behave in a normal fashion and don't abuse others around them, but nobody here said that there weren't.
You've chosen to reply to a very small group of victims as if we are wring for sharing our experiences. I'd love to know why...no, actually, I'd rather have peace.
trust the gut safety. and don't apologize EVER for keeping yourself safe.
I just refused a treatment from a procedure I had scheduled and he changed the order. If I hadn't gone over it with the nurse before I wouldn't had known. He than changed the order before procedure. But did another procedure he had not old with me before. I than a few days after searching my symptoms found out he had paralyzed a man doing the original procedure he was going to do on me. If I hadn't prayed before for my ancestors protection, I believe I wouldn't be telling you this story
Accountability is something that con artists, narcissists, psychopaths, and manipulator NEVER DO they change the topic, attack, or schmooze!
Accountability would imply that they are responsible for their destructive actions. That would destroy their self-narrative that they are good and not at fault for anything bad.
when did u become a living God on earth? can u tell me what shape your body, mind, and spirit are in right now today at your age? oh boy stop judging folks. most ppl are good and we simply do not love them or show them any love or support that is what is needed more in this World. not these stupid names or prisons.
"You have to put more weight in the action they did today, than the promise they made yesterday"
Hence the adage: "Actions (and inaction) speak louder, than words..."
@16:38
Andrew says: "People who are not nefarious are often times the hardest people to like.
They're socially awkward; they're a little bit rude; they're kind of rough around the edges.
So you don't you don't fall in love with them very quickly, but they're probably very honest people.
They're honest, which is exactly why they don't know how to manipulate the environment, manipulate your experience to make you like them and trust them so quickly.
So when you're dealing with somebody that's a little bit like aggravating or irritating, chances are they're not trying to manipulate you. "
indeed
though we need to remember "socially awkward" and "socially retarded"
are not the same thing LOL
this is so wild to consider, I had never thought of things like this
Being unlikeable is wholesome. That's a good confidence boost! 🤣
😂totally..
that's great.
This man described my husband to a tee. My couples therapists told me he was a narcissistic sociopath. I didn’t understand it but learned why I felt like the crazy one with all the gaslighting. I didn’t even know gaslighting was a thing. This man is spot on about journaling. When i started journaling instead of going to him with my complaints which fell on deaths ear, I was able to emotional detach from the gaslighting or his bad behaviors. He had a hard time with me no longer reacting to his bad behavior or inability to feel my despair. The more I journaled the less I reacted. The less I reacted the more I detached. The more I detached the more I was able to see things clearly without trying convince him about him or convince him to care about how I feel when he behaves badly. He was a covert narcissist. I’m telling you when I learned about the personality disorder I was able to realize I wasn’t crazy. He also deflected and made me the crazy one. Gaslighting was his go to when trying to get out of something he did.
My mom to a T. I also started journaling. What a bright light on the situation. I was fueling her!!! She was so confused when i stopped. I made rules for myself to remember to not engage.
I eventually learned a similar lesson with my narcissist ex-fiance after we broke up - that reacting would make me fall into his trap or others.
@@Violets14or when you try to connect with them on a human level and explain your feelings and actions- they store it and use it as a weapon against you later to make you feel crazy
Good therapist. Many will try to get you to stay together, beware
Beware the smear campaign when they see they cannot get the desired response from you. They also mat 'step up' their game to dangerous levels until they get the response they want (This is especially true for those that get their emotions vicariously through you. If you do not give the emotion they cannot feel or recognize in themselves they will go to extremes to get it. My husband was like this and once I recognized it, I gave measured levels of the emotion he was seeking fairly early on to 'satisfy him' Particularly important if they have violent tendencies toward you or your possessions.
I am free of him now, thank God)
This is why I’ve chosen to stay single for the rest of my life. At 64, there are so very few psychologically healthy men available to even consider it anymore.
this is such a shame to have this mentality, renouncing to pursue a human relationship because you're afraid that the man you choose could be a toxic person. Of course there's a risk but if you reason like that it's like saying you're never going to drive again because you could have an accident
so glad I am now with a woman and we share the same struggles- narcissists heavily attractive to us and rope us in. We've worked to parse out those people and hold each other accountable when we don't stand up for ourselves or state true feelings.
I'm 63 and decided not to play the game 25 years ago. Single is so much better than all the crap.
The problem is when your dealing with a person that knows they have a personality disorder and knows how to disguise themselves and their behaviour.
Exactly. These days, many know, though they would deny it, if confronted. They know to hide a great deal.
Most people don't know.
No one can hide for long. Over weeks and months their “mask” will slip. Don’t ignore it.
A BPD person will always tell you in the first 15 minutes. Can be as trivial like them saying "I push people away", "My Exes are abusers", "Everyone leaves me".
Not really. What do those with ASPD and NPD have in common? They work FAST and need YOU to get trapped quickly before you figure them out. That’s why they love bomb us. The trick is to take your sweet time in a new relationship and if they come on way too strong- that’s a HUGE red flag and either signals they are a predator or at the very least have abandonment issues and are anxiously attached. Either way- they’re not healthy. Healthy men and women don’t rush. They don’t sweet talk. They have boundaries and respect each others too.
People on the Autism Spectrum and people with ADHD often have great difficulty when plans are changed at the last minute. Anger and frustration may result, this does not make them psychopaths. So not a very useful test.
But that doesn’t make them a great choice of date either
Those are not the total population
@@margaretisabellezerner4556 possibly not.
@@amberphillips4808 True!
There is a connection, adah is from trauma and asd community suffers trauma at different levels, a antisocial disorder is environment and dna the environment is the best part ;) a split of the psyche , and that’s all the attachment, borderline ect however some turn into the anti social types, I think there is a causal relationship and a shared set of characteristics but the same root issue ;)
Always trust your gut instinct. Generally it’s right. But we tend to ignore this sometimes….
@@karenlindley.9756yes!!! and we ignore it because we're too busy following whatever the CULTur€ says--
believe your thoughts,
be logical,
focus on materialism,
admire/ worship the smartest, hyperfocus the mind.
I usually ignore this a lot! 😏
oh yes - and it cost me dearly.
Some of us don’t have a good radar due to childhood abuse. The best test for us is to tell them no. Don’t explain. And watch what happens.
@@barbstotter7288I’ve done this too. I got a gut feeling from someone a lot of people told me was great. It confused me and even questioned if I was really in the wrong or the bad person.
After a while, I decided to stand up for myself and do the tests. They were mostly misogynistic, but it was enough to get my husband clued in that this person was not a real friend and not safe around me or our child.
We haven’t been around them since.
There are a lot of people that don't care if their actions affect someone's life in a negative way. I have seen both bad and good people in this world.
You can no longer rely on words as they are the narcissist’s weapon of choice. The only thing you can rely on are actions. If the two do not line up, that is all the information you need to know. Run.
...well said!
💯
Don’t listen to words. Actions speak louder. A person’s character can be determined by their actions. Don’t believe reported evidence, trust your own ears and eyes.
Hmm I know some huge narcissists who won't act angry when one changes plans.. instead, they'll figure something else own the road to get you back - with a smile on their face 😌
Yep, you always have to pay. If not in the moment, it'll be banked.
Yesssssss very petty. Like a game of petty, and you don't even realize it until they strike.
@@intheraw6393 trust me they will punish you for it after a certain time the devil is in the details
This is actually a great test- my was-band ALWAYS had to change any appointment I made for anything!! The appointments were NEVER acceptable to him!! Everything always has to be under HIS CONTROL!!! He couldn't handle change well, unless HE was in control of all the plans.
Yes the passive aggressive games.
Ok, but if someone’s going to constantly change plans on me, I would get irritated af.
I play the "Three strikes and you are out rule" when I meet a new person... Three 🚩🚩🚩's are you get dropped like a used paper tissue. No exceptions at all! I wait at least a month and go on at least 7 or 8 dates in public places before I let them know my home address. All five of my senses are working overtime when I first meet a new person. There are so many "Broken " people out there now... You can't be too complacent.
Safe is always better than sorry.
Agree about not giving the home address. You have to be someone very special to come into my sanctuary. That's a big boundary for me.
@@briansaiditsoitmustbetrue4206 that’s a great filtering strategy.
true on the "so many broken people"... - and many of them make it being your problem what they dont want to deal with...
@briansaidit
Very good advice. 👍
Absolutely. Also, the latest research I've heard about shows that there is a spectrum, and 17% of people are on the narcissistic spectrum, 30% are on the psychopathic spectrum. A little bit of narcissism is good, but many people who could not meet criteria to be diagnosed as having NPD still have a bit too much of those tendencies to be healthy. Intelligent psychopaths are often very successful, and congregate in a few select professions.
Women have been taught ‘always give the benefit of the doubt’ ‘give another chance’ ‘be nice & accommodating’ ‘help him’…which teaches us to ignore our internal messages. Gals don’t need to be scowling b’s, but a balance needs to be achieved. Woman are intuitive so trust yourself first
You left out boys will be boys and men just don't think of that. All the passes they get and we are taught to overlook has put us in very dangerous situations. Society has coddled tf out of men as we carry the burden of being gaslight.
It feels so infuriating that women are always being blamed for the hurting the other person even though the other person is a psychopath or even a stalker. I regret giving a snake the benefit of doubt so badly now because I thought that I was overthinking and that I may be called names for misunderstanding a good 'friend' even though I felt extremely uncomfortable that I was being stalked by him. Finding the balance seems so challenging to me now.
Yes, exactly. I do not need an emotionally stunted conman project. My 12 year old daughter is far more mature than most grown men I meet. Not my job to raise a man or fix his lack of morals. Or fix anything about him. Or give him anything.
Indeed
nah fam, i know TONS of women who get themselves into fucked situationships, relationships with dudes who I KNOW are just going to fuck them over. Truth is, they don't listen to their gut because they think they will be different with them. They say, "bUt He'S sO aTtrAcTivE". completely ignoring the warning signs.
Truth is, most women don't listen to their gut because the dude is "attractive."
If someone tells you how amazing they are (like being a great father), you know they’re trying to convince you of something they know isn’t true but they hope you’ll trust his words alone. If someone is genuinely a good person (or father) they’ll let their actions speak for themselves.
This is 100% true and important to remember!!
Me ex never answered anything I brought up expressing hurts or concerns instead would just shout in my face, 'you're crazy that's not reality, "I'm such a good guy" pfffffffttttt
@JenP2776 that's the biggest turn off from anyone for me, just shows they're insecurity.
@@lisajane4330 And their inauthenticity!
Correct. Active and present moms don’t go around saying im a great mom. They just doing it 😊
Recently broke up with a newer man I was dating. He was obsessed with everyone acknowledging how wonderful and optimistic of a person he is. And then the mask started to slip, when I would share my feelings about something, he would make the most hurtful comments with a positive tone and a smirk that I think he thought came off as a non threatening smile. I couldn’t stand that in the most serious of times, he would always be smirking or laughing. Especially if you were crying and opening up. My gut was screaming at me to say my goodbyes and block him forever. His initial kindness and positivity was infectious and disarming. I should’ve known it was too good to be true from the start, only too three weeks to have real proof of that lol. He talked SO MUCH about how much he loved to help others, but I only ever saw him mocking others. And he was so good at gaslighting and manipulation when I’d ask about his odd behaviors, that most of us would easily self doubt. That’s how easy it is for some antisocial folks out there, amazing actors.
For people who think that takes too much time to write a journal….
I used to have a calendar as journal…
Good day = smiling face
Awful day = crying face.
And then compere good days again awful days….
Big picture is surprising..😳
@@allafilipenya7432 GREAT idea
I couldn't survive without my journal. I have to get my thoughts down. It does help to look back at previous entries and reflect.
Another tool is to email yourself, and by doing this, you can reflect on monumental things that have occured on specific days, months, even years ago ! Sometimes, it may may reveal patterns of behavior with others, or by counting the occurances of dysfunctional issues/abuse/crime, it may force you to re- analyze your situation/relationship.
@allafilipenya7432 Great idea!!! I’ve always enjoyed looking at my calendars as a record of where I’ve been, what people have been in my life etc. So to add the next layer of recording emotional experiences and a-ha moments is brilliant and doable to an already existing system (in my case).
How was the big picture?
I work on an 80/20 principal. If i feel unhappy more than 20% of the time and i observe it over a period of time, it highlights patterns of that person's bad behaviour. This indication informs my decision and justifies me ending my relationship with that person.
There are some absolute red flags I watch for. Does the person treat others, especially those who cannot defend themselves, like dirt, but not me? Because they will get around to me in due time, perhaps they are already doing it when I am not around to defend myself. Also the lack of empathy or respect for others, their feelings, or their property. Are they in the habit of putting me into uncomfortable situations? It's really likely for them to slip up, you just need to know the signs.
@@JohnShalamskas great points ❤️
Perfect.
When I studied psychology in college, one big thing our instructor continually pointed out is that a psychopath is born, a sociopath is made.
Truth be known psychology, doesn’t acknowledge demonic possession, and most psychopaths are empty vessels, demonically possessed, so that can happen at any point in life, not necessarily at birth
Thanks for pointing out the difference, as I assumed psychopaths & sociopaths are the same.🐣🥀
It's ironic since "projection" is one of the hallmarks of personality disorders on people closes to them, these anti-socials will believe that you're the psychopath or sociopath, and thinks destroying you is doing good for all of society or the workplace or in your friend's circle.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.IHe explains that those are passe descriptions for people that now fall under the same category of anti social personality disorder so you are both right captain reactionary! Calm TF down!
Not necessarily true there’s first principle and secondary principle psychopathy meaning that psychopathy can be created through nurture or nature. Sociopathy, however, is primarily from what I understand created from nurture.
Be careful when testing someone. I believe with experiences & time, tests will come naturally & you will learn things about ppl. But curating your own “tests” can be manipulative & damning to the trust of the other person. His example of changing the time of plans is okay but beware of ppl “testing” your boundaries.
So true! I get turned off when a man is constantly testing my boundaries. Part of the reason I married my husband was because he was not testing me. He was serious and wanted a relationship and he was honest, consistent, loyal, and didn't play games.
I totally agree with you, but you really believe that is ok for someone to keep changing plans? hope not at last minutes. they are the only one changing the plans? I personally find that a bit sociopathic and at least very rude.
@@wiamhaddani no I don’t necessarily think it’s okay. I think it’s manipulative and I wouldn’t deal with someone constantly changing plans on me at the last minute just for the sake of testing me. But I’m assuming he’s just talking about the time of the plans like dinner was at 7 but now it’s at 8.
@@aurorarene9909 and that’s exactly how it should be. I’m glad you found someone that’s genuine and loyal to you. Men that like to play games and test me turn me off, It’s so immature & manipulative. Like time will test us both, it’s kinda unnecessary to create inconveniences bc now I’m questioning how reliable you are.
Exactly this. You can push someone away that has good intentions if they realize the other person is playing these types of games with them
Red flag someone who gets too comfortable too quickly. Also how do they speak of their exes.
THIS!!! There were so many clues in that! I had that little ✔️ in my spirit but ignored it! I kept pushing forward.."Poor thing, she treated him SO BAD" 🤦🏼♀️
Ya the ex’s are “crazy.” That’s why they are blocked… it makes sense! Some people are crazy and need blocked. My ex blocked me only because I know how he is and how bad it is!! I used to wonder why his ex was blocked, now I know!!
Mmm mine was pretty advanced, he realised that speaking well about his exes was a solid cover act to seem like a nice guy (even though he completely abandoned each one coldly). They study healthy people to copy 'good behaviour' to seem more decent. Behind closed doors they were evil to each one. I have no doubt
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I No, pretty sure I don't treat ppl like my ex does. The difference is I have never set out to hurt someone and if I do something that hurts somebody else I am willing to change and take responsibility. My ex would never admit he was wrong or did anything hurtful even if you had evidence with pictures and videos and eyewitnesses. You are correct. The Word of God tells us we are all born into sin and we are all going to Hell unless we accept the sacrifice that the only perfect person made for us by taking our sins on Himself and dying for us and rising again on the 3rd day.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I 👍🏼
Trauma dump is a huge red flag. If you meet someone and the first time they talk to you they are telling you about their diagnosis, their dead family members who they are having a hard time moving past etc etc...run. Everyone has a story and a struggle. Do not give out your personal life story the first time you meet someone! They do this to hook you in or get nasty information on you.
Yes! Or when they convince you to open up too soon, usually whilst pretending to be super empathetic and interested in your story... red flag. They're gathering Ammunition and doing pattern reading like a hunter.
🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️🏃🏾♀️
This is a HUGE RED FLAG! 🤞💯
And have you noticed, people you BARELY know do this. I remember I once started a company where a colleguge trauma dumped her very personal issues on me, she turned out to be the biggest manipulator/liar in the whole company.
The more they talk, the less I say.
they also do it to establish victimhood and the trauma bond.
Staying single. This is a good reminder. It’s just not worth it to me anymore.
Ditto. Parts of my childhood were very traumatic, leaving me needy. My romantic bonding experiences were formed out of desperation. After two failed marriages, I quit. I'm much happier on my own. I feel healed from my childhood trauma, but I still worry that a relationship could capsize my sense of security. Yes, it is not worth it to me either. It took me too long to build a happy life.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
Feel free to make that choice for yourself, but I don't believe on betting against myself.
@@ny3683syr I’m one failed marriage down and currently continuing to work on healing the trauma. I just seem to repeat the same cycle and my peace is worth more than any amount of connection at this point. I’m not trading it. So I don’t blame you. Looking around, no one seems overwhelmingly happy in their relationships anyway. So I don’t feel like I’m really missing much.
@@EvilMAiq I’m finally better FOR myself. I’m much happier on my own than I have ever been while partnered.
Right. People are crazy especially young generations
One thing which is very telling - their attachment to their outer looks and perception other people have of them, their dependence on expensive brands and overattachment to the way they look. Superficial charm with no feelings underneath, speaking nice to people’s faces then absolutely crushing them behind the scenes, the contemptuous tone when speaking about others, the sense of grandiosity that they are better than everyone else. Run when you see these
"When people show you who they are, believe them." - Maya Angelou
Most people are very different in public compared to their inward self. That can be very jarring to discover after marriage vows have been exchanged. It's like changing a contract after it has been signed. In the words of Darth Vader, "I am altering the deal. Pray that I do not alter it any further."
The part where he said if you REALLY like someone right away is everything !!! That may be a sociopath! If you don’t immediately like someone off the bat because they’re awkward or rude that means they’re not trying to manipulate you. The people who are super likeable in the beginning. That’s a red flag 🚩
Edit: (specifically, men who come off as “sweet” or “really cool” to a girl they’re trying to get with).
This is good, but not always 100% true either! It's like alot of info is copy and paste where necessary and trusting your gut is most important of all!
Orange flag for caution and just proceed with caution as all people can throw a red flag from time to time. Caution as I was throwing red flags and I was in a toxic narc realionships for 29 years. Just be cautious.
This isn’t completely true in every situation because the opposite can be said too. For instance, if someone likes you right away, they could have some disorder themself like codependency or some other attachment disorder, maybe even be a narcissist themself. Not everything is black and white. There has to be other factors that determine if someone may be a sociopath and you’d have to get to know them and observe them more (maybe cautiously). You cannot just determine who a person truly is after only meeting them once. I think I am a very likable person. When I first meet someone, I am very friendly. That’s how I am. I’m not that way to try to manipulate someone. So that’s why I said not to immediately conclude that about somebody.
A lot of cult leaders and recruiters “love bomb” people.
Very good point.
I’ve jumped out of a moving car on a busy street to get away from a terrible narcissist and I was not hurt at all. It was necessary.
Please stay safe
Glad you were OK, because when I was in the orthopedic wing, I was next to a teenage girl who jumped out of a moving car to get away from an intense argument with her mom, and she was EFFED UP.
@@juliettebobcat704 ufff, I can only imagine hoe hard it must have been on her, risking her life just to get away uuufff
Definitely not “on the spectrum” jumping out of a car on a busy moving street to “get away from a narcissist” when you could wait another few minutes to jump out of a stopped car at a red light even. But no. Yet another good decision, besides you didn’t get hurt. Wacko.
@@juliettebobcat704she wasn’t even escaping A “terrible narcissist?” Otherwise I would say “brilliant” ides. 😂
Journaling to work out my feelings is what made me realize something was seriously wrong in my marriage. He has since been diagnosed with ASPD. Highly recommend keeping a journal.
@@Olivia-bl8ez I also recommend to people to keep a checklist of unacceptable behaviors and start documenting next to each checkpoint when you feel off about something. It’s good to have a it in visual form right in front of you. Start filling those spaces up with incidents and you know it’s time to make your exit plan. I wish I never had to even think about this kind of thing.
Pls share examples of your journaling. Like your journaling prompts. Will be very helpful for many people.
@@nehapandey5921 great idea! idk if this is helpful but I didn’t have prompts. Just any time I felt really emotional I started writing down how I was feeling I didn’t want to tell my friends and family what was going on cuz I didn’t want to change their view of my ex when we were together. I obviously couldn’t tell my ex cuz he didn’t care. So anytime I felt super emotional I started telling my journal. Anytime I was crying alone, I just started writing to work out how I was feeling.
This man has the best curls ever
"Vanity is unbecoming a man."
😂
There’s no way he’s a spy right? I mean anyone could pick this guy’s hair out of a line up.
@@delavan9141😂yeah, a bit narcissistic 😅
@@delavan9141what? 😂
Charm is the con artists greatest tool. Watch out when they seem too good to be true!
My emotionally abusive ex who was cheating on me the entire time was very charming but he would kind of sprinkle in fake awkwardness to seem endearing. It’s so creepy looking back. The man I’m talking to now is genuinely just goofy and awkward and willing to embarrass himself a bit to show how much he likes me, and it’s helped put me at ease after what I’ve been through. ❤️🩹
@@KaylaNoelle1 I'm glad you were able to find someone who treats you how you deserve!
Yea. I should’ve known, now I’ve got new wounds to heal. We were friends for like 3 yrs beforehand tho, so I thought that would be a good foundation 🤦🏽♀️😆. I don’t trust myself with these guys anymore. I’ll just stay single, it’s safer.
Dr. Ramani says we don't need charm so stop appreciating it.
@@ladyjaz6817pls don’t stay single . Life itself is very tough. I’m scared of your wounds , I don’t know how long it will take you to get em healed , if not , I would let us give it a try .
When trying to spot a narcissist, there are exceptions to the rule. The highly sensitive person can be mistaken for the narcissist even though their motivation is the exact opposite.
Eg, the narcissist is not showing their emotions because they're cold and calculating trying to get what they want.
The HSP can also not show their emotions, but it's for a different reason-- they might be sensitive to what's happening, the sounds, smells, other people's emotions that their feeling.
🎉❤
As an HSP this is so true.
Truths.
@@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD ditto
Here is something a diagnosed psychopath said on Reddit:
“For cluster B, these trajectories can be rendered down to a principle primal fear and pattern of countering behavioural drivers.
• NPD: fear of being unloved/forgotten
• HPD: fear of being unwanted/ignored
• ASPD: fear of being controlled”
Remember this because this is the fears, the main driving force to hold they behave with others in society.
People who have psychopathy read people extremely well. Some are organized thinkers who are highly intelligent, some are disorganized thinkers with low intelligence. It’s why it’s important to know this.
I lost my emotions after my grandma passed away. Can't determine if I'm sad or happy, I forgot how to smile. But back when I was a kid I'm the most friendliest kid in the neighborhood. But now I just stopped looking at people. Can't look them in the eyes, I feel like I don't deserve anything. When people cries I just stare at them because I don't know how to make them stop. I was a former rescuer also. Back then I always feel great helping, right now I just feel lost.
Fiance left me, after my grandma passed away. I failed my training, become homeless. Everything just goes down,
I even tried to end myself.
But I'm trying my best to get back my emotion by reading the Bible.
I need God more than ever.
Give yourself some time. After traumatic grief you just shut down. Don't be so hard on yourself. Your grandma wouldnt want that.
Try to write down ONE positive thing a day that happend that day, could even be the smell of mowed grass, one little thing a day. Thats how healing start.
Your grandma will bring more on your way, so try to open up for those little things.
People use to say; You get what you deserve. I believe; You get what you can handle.
There are bigger things in store for you, this episode is how you get tested.
If you can handle THIS, you can handle Everything what comes next!
Warm greetings from The Netherlands.
Praying for you to gradually start healing. God loves you
I love his point around 16:05 that we don’t live in a world where we can give people the benefit of the doubt. Totally agree! It’s time to move away from naivete as well as fear and paranoia, and move toward discernment. Clarity. It’s a higher way of thinking and a more aligned way of being.
👍🏼👍🏼
Absolutely and I'm more than blessed that the Lord blessed me with the gift of discernment.
@@jinny6235 🙌🏼 good point!! Some people don't need to be told this and some of us really really do-- Im one of them
We used to live in smaller communities so you actually knew who you were dating. So true about discernment
How do you get away from tapper$ and double crossers on our phone lines ‽
Spys nor detectives won't tell you,
It's about talk shows & idea promotion *
What lable are them or you 🤔
I’m so concerned about women dating now. It is a challenging time out there. It takes years to truly get to know someone. I recommend not taking the freeway of love, take the slow road … he is so right about trusting what someone does, not what they say. Don’t give a part of yourself to someone who doesn’t deserve it. Also if you keep missing red flags get counseling. That usually means you have unresolved issues from your past and you may keep falling for similar men. Trust yourself ladies!
If the CIA's main purpose is to manipulate foreign adversaries to their (the US) advantage, why is the US in decline in so many areas I wonder? Is it because the agents are incompetent and/or do a bad job or it is all by design?
❤
❤
I screen shotted your comment! ❤️
You're right. Except I think "Trust yourself" is too simple. You need people around you who love you who will see things you don't see; trust them enough to listen, since your feelings may tell you to ignore the signs. You need friends and community with backbone and who feel responsible for you in the right ways, so dudes with bad intentions will fear for their lives (should always be the case). It sounds unempathetic, but the goal is not "empathy at all costs"; it's order. Order is the foundation for human flourishing.
Can they tell women how to identify child predators? Too many single women with young children are inviting these creeps into the lives of their children to the detriment of everyone.
😢100
Misandry?
In this context, the single mothers must lean on male family or friends. The emotional response is to warn all men, who are willing to enter into a relationship with a woman, that they cannot raise another man’s child.
Rule One: do not become a single mother unless you went to a sperm bank, adopted or fostered. Rule number 2: if you are a single mother, never leave your children alone with a man who isn't their father. That's it. every man has the potential to be a predator. And some men unalive their own children. If it wasn't illegal, as it is in many countries in the world, men would have sex with a child. Angola and the Philippines set the age of consent at 12. Pregnancy can destroy the body of a 12-year-old girl. The psychological burden of fatherhood can destroy the mind of a12-year-old boy. I'm nearly 43 and child free. If I still want children, I would not do it with a man. 9 out of 10 men that I grew up with had toxic traits...and not all of them were related to me. I'm talking about neighbours, community leaders, in laws, teachers and church leaders.
Trust your gut feelings. If a guy comes with no kids and you have kids, be cautious, no benefit of the doubt. If a guy keeps asking for money, be very careful
I once had a guy I was dating ask me “what are some red flags you see in me?” So he could temporarily modify his behavior to pull me in. He was like a robot studying humans so he could mimic them better.
My gut says it's way more than ten percent
I think I understand where you’re coming from. There are people who have narcissistic traits (basically toxic/unhealthy) but not enough to be diagnosed. I wonder if mental health professionals will come up w/ NPD Type 1 & NPD Type 2.
there are other disorders that can have traits or just make up for toxic behavior like bipolar for example, wich makes the population of toxic people just way more then 1/10
I would say more around 30%. Cluster B people are toxic
Christians believe 1/3 of the angels became demons, and then we have the people who are possessed or influenced by them, so, you can do the math, and it is fairly obvious some are of the same spirit with the tropes they repeat.
Yes. With the trauma of unrighteousness’ results increasing….
If you test someone changing dates on purpose to study their reactions keep in mind that you are behaving like a manipulative psychopath.
its a fine line...youre so right on that!
It's literally gaslighting, except of changing the gas volume of the gas lamp, you change the dates on purpose then blame the other one when they're confused by you changing dates for fun. What a terrible idea.
@@Alpharexx i can tell you one thing: until youre completely independent of a narc - you have to get very close to doing shitty stuff like that -with the narcs you try to get away from... I am threading this insanely fine line right now. its enormously draining to not fuck it up! :)
If you do your research on someone, does that mean you're a terrible person? Should you blindly follow and believe? I tested people before, and if I haven't, I'd have been fooled by their act.
Facts
This is why I stay home😂
Yup. lol. 😂🎉
😂 Me too!!!
Me too!
OMG as a young woman, I had to jump out of a moving cab as he insisted he had to make an airport pitstop and everything in my gut told me to get out.
I taught emotionally disturbed teens for 28 years; all this was present, and I had to learn how to deal with them or not. Now, I don't let anyone around me that I don't look at hard, and all it takes is one attempt to cross my boundary, and I am DONE.
People like you are incredible. You have my utmost respect for being able to withstand the stresses of your duties for 28 years, for such an important cause.
not everyone has bad intentions though or crosses boundaries on purpose.
i understand and support this idea when it comes to people that get a kick out of pushing people, but even difficult people deserve a chance to connect with someone.
the way you phrase it here makes me think that you make yourself very very lonely out of trauma about what you experienced with these children.
in the video at some point he talks about genuine people. how we are rough around the edges and dont act in a dishonest way.
if you only accept smooth people around you, then you wont find genuine ones.
hope you ok. and thank you for being one of those people that helped me alot when i was one of *these* boys... ❤️🫂
Sounds like maybe you've let your experiences get the better of you.
@@ffh6795 '...but even difficult people deserve a chance to connect with someone,' you say, but NO THEY DON'T. That type of entitlement is exactly what a narcissist or their enablers would have.
I can smell one from a mile away. They frequently give a pitty story very early on - I now see to test your reaction. Then they study / stalk your social media and say things acting like you to you. Then they act too nice and too in love too soon. Men with issues frequently ask for sex too soon too. They also have bad habits like alcoholism and drug use….
Don't forget that narcissists and psychopaths learn everything people say about empathy, healthy relationships and so on.
And they fake having it really well in the getting to know you stage.
@@andreaanonymous5474 they want you to THINK they have all of these, so you will give it to them finally
Yes, but they ALWAYS slip up. ALWAYS! It's extremely hard to keep this up for a long time. We need to be emotionally strong enough to identify and accept when they do slip.
@yamairad1 Yes, this is true. However, some of them can fake it as long as an year. Especially if they are trying to trap you in a relationship/ marriage.. Speaking from experience😔.
@44bosslady Oh, I know. I was married to one. But, that's why you keep distance like he said. I let my X get too close to quick. I'm certain I would have left him had I had more space. Keep your distance and your eyes open.
I have a suspicion this guy falls into one of these 3 categories
💯 my guess Narcissist
*If my memory serves me well he's ex CIA.* 🤓
Law enforcement and military have a lot of anti social/ narcissistic people. I’ve heard women talk about never dating cops or military. I would add politicians and ultra religious. I won’t say they all are but there is a culture within these circles that can be very toxic. I also can’t say this guy is, but I get the suspicion.
It's hard to tell which catagory. The give away isnt his past-- it's his charisma. It is rehearsed, unnatural, and full of too much unearned confidence. He is faking and sculpting a persona that is not true to who he really is. But rather who he wants people to think he is
we all do i feel so
"If we don't value that information, we don't remember it." Remember that when he can't remember your previous conversations that you did value. He did not.
Hold on to your horses, there. Some people get flustered when they are interacting with someone they like a lot, and their brain stops working properly due to over-excitement. Don't jump to conclusions over someone who can't remember your name when they first meet you.
@JohnShalamskas Many conversations over years are another story.
As someone who just got out of a relationship with someone like this... I am not sure about the give and take test. In the love bombing stage they will give anything and everything. It's all about winning you over and making you reliant on them. He painted my apartment and helped me with my kids at the drop of a hat when I called. Thats how they get you trauma bonded. They want to be your go to person so when they treat you terribly you don't know how to turn away.
Or maybe you're not being honest with yourself about the issues YOU brought to the relationship? So tired of this "love bombing" nonsense. It isn't weird to do nice things for people. How the fuck else are you supposed to develop an intimate relationship with someone?
Like honestly the fact that you could actually give examples when it came to the "love bombing" part of your claim but just vaguely claim they later "treat you terribly" is quite telling honestly.
@@dylanclark8856wow chill, you can't read someone's life through one comment
@@henritaas9997 i didn't "read their whole life", it's just how i see 99% of these cases where girls claim a guy "love bombed" them. Like oh yeah, i'm sure he did all those nice things with evil intentions. Like even if shit went bad i doubt they pre planned all that and did those nice things specifically to make it hurt more later like that term implies. If someone wanted you that bad and then decided layer they didn't just maybe it's your behavior.....
@@dylanclark8856 that's fair, but 99% isn't 100% so chill, you can't guarantee that this person is wrong and just rudely accuse them
I can’t deal with people who cancels last min. Just makes me feel that they’re undependable and words don’t match their actions
Exactly. Dependability is important. Sometimes, people cancel bc they found a better opportunity. No thanks
Exactly! Respect my time
I'm a planner with schedule involving other peoples time. If someone cancels, then they are disrespectful of everyone involved. I don't think this is a fair way to test someone just for the sake of it.
Looks like we found four of them 😂
@@VictoryXR So your the canceler?
Ok this one has been so healing for me (as well as the last). I was worried about not being “nice” to the maintenance guy in my apartment complex, but he kind of gives me a bad vibe. So whenever he talks to me I just keep it very short and bland. The other day as I was walking into the building he stopped me to tell me I didn’t need to use my access key card because the door is open during business hours. And I just said “it’s just a habit” and walked away. I felt SO awkward and like maybe I should have “taken care” of his feeling and been like “oh thank you bla bla bla”. But I’m very honest in all my interactions, so I just couldn’t fake politeness. Anyway this has been AWESOME. I feel really validated in the way I carry myself around in this world, just the way he described it “a little bit awkward, a little bit irritating”. It takes a while to love me, lol. But I do consider myself a good, genuine person 😊
The problem is: those who are counted are only the ones who have been diagnosed. Most of them will never go to a psychological professional for diagnosis at all. Never accepting that one has a problem is one of the obvious red flags of people with these disorders. So what are the real numbers?
Yeah the numbers are probably closer to 30%
@@Hsjsjaaka15168 Thanks! 🤩🤩
I have a narcistic father and my mother took the role of a co-narcisist. I suffered a lot during my childhood. Had severe issues to trust and had as well a lot of agression and some narcistic role models in me. A few years back i wanted to take over the company of my father. Deep inside me i knew it proably will fail. It did. He treated my very badly again in the whole process. Unfortunately at this period as well i lost my former therapist which went to retirement. I started to develop psychosomatic syndroms because the soul pain wanted to the surface. I lost ground and ended up in a burnout and need to go to a psychiatric istitution. There they diagnosed me as well with some narcistic role models when i get under pressure. I ever worked a lot on me personally since 18 i went to a therapist. But the keypoint with Narcism is: You personally only going to change yourself if you really need to and realise that you loose people you love and strugle to be part of the social ecosystem you like to be. My Ex Girlffriend supported me a lot in that time but unfortunately it was too much weight for our relationship. So i think i everytime was in between of like understanding and refusing narcisim and beiing put into that role model and manipulation and so on and the other part was just i child needing for love and of course this big weakness the narcisist takes very welcomely. I distanced myself from my parents and do not have any contact with them and i feel better then ever. The work and development is on going but love and mother nature are there. I‘m proud of my way❤
in american society? probably closer to 50%. being rich and famous, the american dream of “success”, is what most americans value. if they have that, they use their percieved power to control and intimidate. if they dont have that but think they should, they use those same tactics to try to get what they feel entitled to. americans are the worst, we’ve been mislead about whats really important. nothing is wrong with financial success inbyour profession. but its how u treat others that matters most. i cant stand it especially, when women walk over other women because yhey think well if men can get away with it on their way to the top, then why cant a woman? um, thats missing the point entirely. we need to lift each other up and support each other.
@@Hsjsjaaka15168 I'd estimate 50%. They resist getting therapy because they are "good people."
@16:50 he’s absolutely right about the lack of people-pleasing, the socially a bit awkward thing, at least for some people. My husband is like this. I *know* that whatever he says to me he absolutely believes/knows; it’s his personal integrity. What I see is what I get. There is no manipulation in him. I love that! I grew up in a family where my father was a narcissist, and my mother was very controlling and abusive. We’ve been happily married for almost 17 years. 💝
Beautiful x How did you manage to gravitate to a genuine person after that childhood experience? Struggling with this.
4:30 Be careful while testing someone, making changes time after time also puts the tester in a bad light, meaning the tester can't be trusted to keep their word or promises.
My thoughts exactly. Change is not suggested for an actual reason but as some sort of whim to "test" if a person can roll with it. A few of those changes I would roll right out of that relationship.
“Your safety is your responsibility” 💯
I dated a guy that has the first few traits he just named. When I told him that he acts like a sociopath, he didn’t flinch. He just asked how did I come to that conclusion. No facial expressions!!!!
EVERYBODY NEEDS THIS INFORMATION.
And if you're dreamy about someone WAKE UP and look at what they're REALLY like. Take what they say with a grain of salt unless they've PROVEN OVER TIME that they're reliable. WATCH WHAT THEY DO= for THAT is Reality.
Yep!!
Best advice👍🏻!
Self love, celibacy and the 90 day rule will help keep you safe.
Don't be prey, follow your instincts and follow your intuition.
Never on-line date, it has become a playa's paradise.
I have Adhd and sensory Autism. I don't cope well with change and I may react emotionally. However I rationalise with myself and am quick to apologise or fix the situation.
And they all usually run for public office! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
You are 100% correct. and all humans suffer terribly.
And that's why a monarchy is much more preferable than the anti soc that rise in elections.
True. Every US president other than Jimmy Carter is/was a narcissist.
They aren’t all alike
Stop it
😂😂😂 Actually that’s why Hillary Clinton LOST in 2016. She and her fiefdom of sycophants spectacularly imploded within their own narcissism! 😂😂😂
One basic and easy way to spot issues is if you feel you are walking on eggshells around someone. You can't put your finger on it but there's a discomfort or awkwardness. The trick is, to notice that, the eggshells, and take it seriously and respond to it. Most often the proper response is to bail. Obviously, this happening at work or with family, yikes
My ex argued against the ‘relevancy principle’ - he would say “stop putting these things together, that other time was 6 months ago, get over it”. It kept me confused and stuck for years.
‘All you do is throw things I’ve shared with you back in my face in the next argument’ 🙄🙄🙄 uhhh no I’ve just noticed the pattern of your behaviour has been present for a long time and you are damned even by your own words 😂😂
@@ec1222 yes! I would say “it’s a pattern” and he’d say “no, they’re separate incidents. I’ve been good for months!”
@@user-hc9vz7oo3w 😂😂 ‘I’ve been good for ages, it cancels out this minor stabbing incident! You’re unreasonable!!’
@@ec1222 if you're actually using things shared by them whilst vulnerable to shame them in an argument that is NOT healthy, but expressing your hurt or concern over repeated behaviour is different.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I I work in field that requires an understanding of those terms so I agree sociopaths is an outdated term. Psychopathy is still recognised with assessment criteria. I have worked with people with Antisocial PD (and other PDs). I didn’t mention evil, just a pattern of behaviour. And I’m talking about a relationship with someone I loved, not a psychopath. Your comment is a bit strange.
There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
You wrote a da*n book wtf are you a phycho!!!???😢
So... To find if someone we are dating is a narcissist, we must test them doing things that narcissist do, like cancelling plans at the last minute or taking away something with sudden change. Yeah, sure...
This test will make health people with secure attachment and great conditions cut you off because you are showing you can't be really trusted. And if you are dealing with a narcissist... oh boy, that person will be really patient just to take revenge and make your life hell...
I'd rather take my chances and behave like a mature adult who respects other people. There is no need to do that kind of thing to test people. Just set healthy boundaries and be strong for your well-being and the ones around you.
Just go to therapy people. And learn to be a good enough human being ❤
I agree with some of what you say. I think your basic premise is correct. For example, narcissists take advantage of codependent people. We like to go around, calling ourselves fancy things, like "empath" and then that's not enough, we have to come up with fancy additional special kinds of empaths to be so that we can feel like we are magical beings, this itself is our narcissism working. We may not have it clinically, but we have moments of some of it because we're on the same spectrum with them. Anyway, I digress a bit.
The part of your equation that you left out is an exit strategy for not dealing with a narcissist. You cannot set boundaries with somebody who has disorders like these. They know how to move the goalposts in ways that you can't see coming. If you think that you may be dealing with one, you need to stop dealing with them.u
@@NEbluefire I agree! We don't set boundaries with a narcissist. We just don't deal with them. We put them out of our life. It's simple, not easy. That's why I said we have to be strong for our own well-being and be brave to do what we must. I dealt with a narcissist woman for some time a while back, so I know there is no way to deal with them without ending in a bad situation.
You are the 1 in 10.
@az55544 the 1 in 10? You don't know me, nor anyone else who I've seen you accuse of being narcissist. Please get help... You seem to see narcissists everywhere. That's not healthy or realistic at all. Wish the best for you ❤️
@@az55544 Bingo.
The majority of people in western society fall for charisma first and foremost. And often times, people with a lot of charisma tend to have serious personality disorders.
Not all as Dr Ramni. Some not all but it’s a caution flag to look for other stuff
@@joanofarcxxi indeed. A lot of us are taken in by surface level facades that appear to be “nice” but underneath, there’s a complete lack of integrity there.
Generally true everywhere, not just in western societies.
I’m dealing with a narcissistic ex-husband! For everything I need to go to court because co-parenting only works on his terms. Unfortunately the court and all the government offices fall for his charisma and fake persona! It’s frustrating. I’m at a point where I’m thinking about to just give him full custody to end this battle that I can’t win!
@@vivavidadela Hang in there and try to make 50/50 work would be my advice. Good luck
I'm late diagnosed autistic, I do not handle change well. I find this way of testing could lead to false ideas ir suspicion based off this one test alone. Change is very confusing and overwhelming for me which turns into being upset or sad, not volatile or angry.
Please be careful with that chunk of advice yall ❤
Yeah I thought that advice was bs.
I agree I have nonverbal learning disability and this presents like autism I hate changes in routine it upsets me and makes me anxious and upset.
He also said healthy relationships are transactional. Uh, really?
so he is right, because autists cant provide health to a relationship. autist are always comorbid with either borderline, narcissism, psychopath, adhd or add. they are not good in providing a stable healthy upbringing for the kids.
Autism runs in my family, and I thought of this advice of testing change conflicting as well. Rest assured, I think people will be able to tell the difference. After an autistic person has a meltdown, there is usually a cooling down period of apology and guilt which comes out, as opposed to what the video is saying of a psychopath/sociopath never apologizing or showing guilt (or even showing emotion). Autistic people are usually sensitive and sweet and will ask questions of people and show both their creativity and genuine interest, as opposed to psychopaths/sociopaths never asking those questions and operating within their own self-interests all the time. Testing how a manipulative person responds to a change in plans is still good advice I think, along with the implication of course that it's not the only test, but one piece of the puzzle.
Oh my word. This man is soooo eloquent. He breaks things down in such a tangible way.
Phenomenal communication skills my dude!
No, a healthy relationship has true love and care, that doesn't just go away. It is reciprocal until it ends, not transactional. The latter means more like, that's what narcs do, just extracting what THEY can from the relationship, then easily discard you and not care about you anymore. Which is sick
Exactly Dr. Ramani who is an expertise in Narc, sociopaththy, psychopathy. She always says people with those personality disorders view relationships as transactional.
Can they change to a Normal Person?
@@user-bd9qe4tb9k if they repent for their sins and follow Jesus for real
They use you when they know you are struggling until they get on their feet then they leave.
@@user-bd9qe4tb9k Jesus can change anyone who repents
This is the 1st time that someone, psychologist or not, has actually said that NPD, ASPD, etc is actually more common than not.... we have seen people like this EVERY.SINGLE.DAY but people will say "oh it's only 1% it's not that common stop saying that".... etc. Also give it the fact that these people don't go to therapy, so of course they aren't getting accurate numbers... they're correlations....
People are born with a personality. Bad people can't blame their lack morals on a bad childhood. I had a bad childhood, I was abused, it didn't turn me into a narcissist or a psychopath.
If you knew anything about mental health you would know how wrong you are.
Your environment develops you.
That’s why abused people change their fucking personalities BECAUSE of the abuse. You can’t have it both ways.
So psychopathy is generic as studies have show from brain scans. The difference between ones who murder vs don’t is how they grew up.
You have to be ruthless and conniving to be a CEO, which is traits of being a psychopath.
Hence why serial killers they either had been so severely abused, including child sexual assault/molestation, while having trouble with the law by age 14, or they have a TBI from being beaten so badly their brain chemistry changes.
Hence why it’s vital to understand by looking at serial killers like Ed Kemper “The Co-Ed Killer” or HH Holmes to really understand how this happens.
What nobody wants to admit is that colonialism will create criminally inclined children. They're born inheriting the traits of their ancestors, it's a controversial topic but epigenetics is real, only a strong nurturing environment can undo or silence the proclivities.
You cannot self proclaim your own status of a person
Absolutely! Being born into drugs and prostitution, my sis remains true to her desires and needs to manipulate, and control while feeding off of the weaknesses or lack of knowledge other unknowing souls have.
We grew up enduring the same horrific experiences.
I’m not any better than her. I just made a conscious choice to see all as God’s children and stay away from the lost ones until I could learn to manage my emotions and where they come from and to take responsibility for the way I treat myself and others.
It’s a choice. She’s a psychologist. She knows more about the way trauma affects the brain than most.
Testing people in itself seems manipulative and unhealthy. If I found out someone is “testing” me for anything, I’m be out.
I agree with him 100 %, with regard to being very cautious about who you allow into your life. Although, through direct observation, over a course of time, most of the time (not always) you can tell if someone is a criminal/liar/cheater/has severe mental health issues/has covert illicit drug problems, or may be totally healthy.
I believe that since social media the number of Narcissists is on the rise. I am an LMHC and it seems to have become more common
i 100% agree with you. we also have a higher population, more people means more narcs and we have more access to information also helps us understand and identify those individuals more easily. narcs in the past could probably mask way easier than now in an age of surveillance
I love children and always want them to be safe, healthy, and happy but... recently I find myself thinking of them as manipulative and bossy and controlling and it breaks my heart because they're not getting guidance and it seems to be their survival "skill" they come up with... 😢
The best way to see if somebody is narcissistic is through their bragging and their delusion of thinking that they are something they’re not.
Not the covert ones. They don't do that.
covert narcs dont do that...and theyre the most destructive narcs
Is that right?
@@devinesent7696 For some of them, it is very true. Not all narcissists show these traits though. In fact, most of the ones I've known didn't. There are many different kinds of people with narcissistic personality disorder. The covert narcissist in particular is harder to identify. They hide it very well. Especially when you are just getting to know them. I've found that there are always red flags present with narcissists in the beginning, you just have to look for them.
disagree. I don't think that relationships should not be transactional, they should be reciprocal.
Hardly any are!
💯
No empathy no respect ❤
Changing up something on an autistic person is likely to cause them stress and upset and a lot of neurodivergent people are that way as well but they are not bad people.
Yes but their response won’t be to shame you, gaslight you, abuse you.. they might get disregulated but it’s not abusive to the other person.
@@RebeccaNewmansopranothey might get upset in a way others might confuse with anger. However those people usually are not the easiest likeable people.
So I would add: when someone is very easy to like then you add change and see how they react.
If you know that you are neurodivergent, it's time to stop reacting with change. It's not all about you.
@@az55544 you’re a genius. The next time I’m working with an autistic client and plans get changed and they react I’ll just tell them to stop being autistic. Thanks for your valuable insight.
@@Cheekybananaexactly. 😮. How bazaar people don’t understand the difference. Autistic people are not narcissists
Not just women...I am a gay man that divorced his narcissist
hopefully you heal quick and peace and harmony on your path :]
male narcs strike me as copying female toxicity. can you comment on that? :) I thought your perspective would be interesting to me in this regard! :)
I would love your perspective on this.
@simonschneider5913 Ok, so I'm a Jewish man who is gay. I'm also extremely monogamous. So my ex was addicted to porn. He was overweight. I am not. I am 6ft 2, 180lbs thin. He would not touch me. He cheated on me and brought an STI home to me. His sister's name was on all the bank accounts, his mother was psychotic. I was supposed to take care of her and her son, cook, clean, work, and do the yard. They bought me gardening tools for my birthday. I am also Latino. My ex would make fun of me, he would make "jokes" about the Holocaust. He once told me I was the cause of Hitler and the Holocaust. He would hold me down on the bed and put his full weight on me. His sister wanted to control me. Her favorite thing to say to me was that my perceptions were off, that I needed to listen to what her brother said about her and not judge her on her own actions. They both stole their mother's social security check on a regular basis. I refused to put my money into their account, and so the sister and my ex-husband started treating me like I did not exist. The mother would blame me for everything I stopped cleaning up after him. She would constantly call me a spick yet he would never defend me. He tried to force me into things I consider wrong threesoms and things like that. He made a grinder account and was using my pictures to catfish men.
Also, his mother, who was 69 years old, made comments about my body and tried to sexually assault me by grabbing my crotch it was a nightmare.
So impactful, grew up around these blood suckers. It’s incredibly hard to discern when raised by them and their posse. As an INFJ I’ve fallen for this until I learned all of this.
Thank you 🌻
Id stay away from anyone who shares too much information about themselves right away!
Totally agree… I recently met someone like this and I kept them an arms length. He was OTP with his sharing that it rang alarm bells.
How do you separate someone like me who over shares (that's my personality) to someone who falls under these extreme categories.
True it’s manipulative
They want you to do the same or they want pitty
@@meowkity1yup - I was going to say: or anyone who is trying to get you to feel sorry for them.
Not true after narcissistic abuse I would share too much information and I know a veterinarian did it been through hell and back when his wife cheated on him when he was battling cancer so that’s not always true some people just dump their trauma because they’re overwhelmed. It has nothing to do with wanting somebody to feel pity for you.
No wonder it feels like they’re EVERYWHERE. They are 💀
I am not surprised that there are more psychopathics, sociopaths or narcissists amongst us than some people think.
narcissists are everywhere
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I nasty like you? I know that the clinical diagnosis/name of personality disorder is called anti social personality disorder but thank you for your attempt on educating me. To assume that you know exactly what I don't know and what I'm trying to say, is pretty grandiose. Nobody is impressed by your lack of social skills. I said nothing to you nor did I try to offend anyone but here we are. I'm sure I'm not the first person you tried to insult today and I won't be the last.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I nasty like you? I know that the clinical diagnosis/name of personality disorder is called anti social personality disorder but thank you for your attempt on educating me.
What I was trying to assert with my original comment, was that statistically only 1% or one point some of people are psychopathic or sociopaths/anti social but like buddy in the video said, there are actually more and I believe it.
@I.I.I....IoI....I.I.I and yes they actually do. The name of the mental disorder was just modified when they wrote the DSM-5. And I'm not wrong about what I said about you as I just checked out your channel and you have nothing positive to offer. I'm not the first person to go off on you and tell you exactly what you need to be told but you don't learn very quickly. You get off on trying to put others down r
and by causing trouble. If didn't respect the creator of this channel, I'd have a lot more to say to you, believe me. One day you won't be able to hide behind your phone or tablet or whatever device you use. Oh let me guess, it's probably the best! Lol
Suddenly changing plans to sus out a person with antisocial personality disorder isn’t a good indicator because you might accidentally include people with tight, busy schedules for whom last minute schedule changes pose a problem. 😕
I agree. I took issue with this, as well. If someone cancels on me or changes plans once, okay, fine. But twice or more? No thank you. If the person can't be arsed to show up when we have plans, I don't consider them to be courteous, responsible, or a friend. I think canceling or changing plans at the last minute is disrespectful. I can see changing the restaurant from Chinese to Italian or whatever, but to cancel at the last minute? More than once? That's not cool.
And to "intentionally" change plans more than once, to see how someone reacts, is manipulative nothing short of a game playing red flag! 🚩
Autistic people also would react poorly to last minute change of plans
@@Zipittydodah absolutely right! Manipulation.
@@angeronalove5799 I think it also demonstrates disrespect and thoughtlessness.