What to Say When Someone is Dying
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- čas přidán 10. 09. 2024
- What do you say to someone who is dying?
It's easy to feel really awkward around someone when you know they are dying - you don't know what to say, how to be, what their needs are.
In this video, Jane Duncan Rogers addresses 5 questions which will really help both the person dying, and the person asking the questions.
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When my mother died of pulmonary fibrosis, it had gotten to a point where she was struggling for breath. She told me she was tired of living this way. I knew she was resisting because she was worried about me. I sat with her, held her hand, told her I loved her and that I would be alright and not to worry. I asked her if she was ready to go and she said yes. It broke my heart but I told her to close her eyes and tell God she was ready. She asked that I call the family. The next morning we gathered around her, prayed over her and she quietly slipped into a coma and passed a few hours later. I felt that by telling her it would be ok for her to go - that it was the best thing I could do for her. I miss her terribly but I know she’s at peace now.
Xiomara, that is such a beautiful gift you gave your Mum. The consolation of knowing someone is at peace, even when you miss them so badly, is quite something, I have the same with my Mum
When my Mother was on hospice with Stage 4 lung cancer, I asked her if she was afraid to die. She said "no, I'm not afraid to die but I'm not ready to go". I responded that I wasn't ready for her to go either. 💔
How honest that was of both of you Patti. I think we can hold the two things together, so long as we can tell the truth about it, which you both did. Lovely
My dad said the same thing.
When my daughter was dying she veered between accepting that she was dying and planning for the future she hoped for. Consequently I didn’t like to talk about how short her time was, but went along with her hopes of coming home to live with me. She did say she was frightened on one occasion and I’m sure I could have handled that better. It’s hard to think rationally when someone so dear is coming to the end of their life. Thank you for this video. It’s good to talk about it, especially as I have cancer myself now.
I am so sorry Pam.
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My mother died of lung cancer. A very difficult time for the family. The best is to show our love and care at the final hours.
I reminded my father that I would keep him in prayer. He was in pain thus the morphin had him sleeping alot but the power of touch kept me and him in spiritual comfort. He had dementia and was deaf.
I heard "I am afraid of what's coming" twice, once my aunt and second my own mother. I wish I had taken that statement more seriously. Or given them more time to talk.
I would recommend
"Denial of Death" by Ernest Becker. Many people feel awkward when someone is dying because they avoid thinking of death and are in denial about the human condition (everyone has to die).
Excellent! Bravo! I'm a Hospice RN and Educator. You hit the questions we use in hospice care. Thank you! Also, Being Mortal is available at to watch at Frontline PBS CZcams for free!
You're right, Colleen, thank you. I had forgotten about that
A set of good earphones for them to listen to some nice gentle music and having family and minister/priest visit.
Out of pure speechlessness I had to get help with my words. So I'm here. Thank you for helping me find the words that I must say to her to let her know I care and am so saddened by the thought of a world without my friend
Wow, I have a therapy dog and do hospital and hospice work. This was very helpful to me, thank you.
I lived this with my late husband. End of life is a difficult time for everyone. People have a hard time dealing with death. They even have trouble dealing with you as a widow after the fact.
My approach with my husband was, "what can I do for you, what would make your day easier?"
Atul's book is fabulous! His other books are great too.
My dear late mother was very brave during her battle with liver cancer but I knew she was very afraid & I never addressed the situation & talked to her about her fears as I didn’t know how to approach the subject. We were very close which seemed to make it worse. My mother had always been the primary caregiver & problem solver in our family & now the tables were turned I was at a loss at what to say or do. There were so many things I should’ve discussed with her but she would always put a light spin on things & I didn’t want to bring her mood down..six years later I know I would’ve been better addressing our final chats together in a forthright manner & not be afraid of saying the wrong things..better to say something rather than nothing & being here now with regret..🥀
Ah Sally, I am so sorry to hear this. You learnt a lot through that process, as I did after my husband died - we need to practice self-forgiveness now and have courage if we ever find ourselves in that kind of situation again
Great video.
I think in this country (the UK) we are so bad about talking about death, thinking that we are tempting fate if we discuss it and almost acting as if it won't happen if we don't mention it when in reality it is one thing we will all experience as no one lives forever.
Videos like these are great to get people thinking and talking ahead of time so that if any one of us finds ourself in that position we will be better prepared as to know what to say or do.
Also it would be helpful maybe to do a follow up video or even a series of these videos on how to deal with the aftermath when a loved one dies. How to handle well meaning peoples sometimes insensitive comments, or what to say to a recently bereaved person etc.
I have lost two birth children when they were very young and have recently lost my just turned 20 year old adopted daughter and have found that a lot of people avoid me because they don't know what to say to me. Not close family and good friends, but aquaintances, neighbours, colleagues and the like. It can be so isolating, but I understand it is more about them being afraid of saying the wrong thing or thinking that they can't mention her when actually I love talking about her.
Thank you so much for sharing your story - i know you will inspire others here in our community. I appreciate you very much. x
The subject of death is avoided in the United States as well, that's a generalized statement of course.
JMK thank you for sharing this - I felt exactly the same after my husband died. I'll make sure I do another video about just this
@@sixtyandme my girlfriend dying of beast cancer she have 6 mouths to live I spending all my time with her her mum and stepdad cant coping losing her their only daughter I cant handle losing my girlfriend she told she gonna be okay when goes haven she want me find love again when goes why told me that ???.
Thank you, a most agreeable slice of confrontation.
Wonderful, thoughtful advice relayed in a gentle, positive manner - the best!
Marvellous video - and such a pertinent topic as we are all going to die. It has got me thinking both about what I say to a friend who,sadly, is approaching this time of their life and what I would like for myself when the time comes, thank you
Important topic. Good morning to all!😊🇨🇦
Very helpful. Thank you for discussing this topic.
Thank you for the great questions. As for the humor dealing with my loved ones dieing, I could never and would never us humor. My heart is so heavy and broken, humor would not be something I would use, but this way to handle it with these questions is very helpful. Thank you
Thanks Cathy that's good to know
Thank you for this. My Mum has been diagnosed with cervical cancer, hopefully not terminal. The questions that you've laid down here have put a lot of my worry about what should I say to her if the worst happens. Is it normal to think this morbidly when your waiting for a cat scan to happen, that will tell us if it's worse than we have been told? I am so scared for her.
Great video 👏👏👏
Great questions and yes, I could see asking them.
I like your scarf and haircut.
That;s very sweet of you Stephanie, thank you! I had just had my hair cut the day before!
Very helpful.
Is it appropriate to ask if the terminal patient wants to see you
Thanks
Pure gold
Thank you
I just have had one ill patient.
except of decubitus
other were old.
my all deaths were good deaths.
both know that they are dying.