I created this when my kid was dealing with some bullies at school. A Safe Friend A safe friend is someone who 1. Apologizes/acknowledges when they've hurt you or your feelings, even if it was an accident 2. Doesn't punish you for disagreeing with them (excluding you, silent treatment, threats to end the friendship) 3. When you tell them how you feel, they accept it. They do not try to argue with you or tell you how you are "supposed" to feel. 4. Accept when you say no or to stop. 5. Does not hit, push, grab, or insult you when they are mad. And an unsafe friend can just be someone who is going through a hard time. But you still have to keep a distance until they can be safe friends again. And sometimes people can't be safe friends, even if you like them or they are nice sometimes. Are you a safe friend? Are those around you, safe friends?
Thanks! Its really been a great way to talk about it with her without making her feel like we "hated her friends". And Ive actually had a adult friends reassess their toxic relationships/friendships/family after sharing this with them.
@@Garl_Vinland No one should have to endure abuse just because someone else is in pain. You can have compassion for someone while also protecting yourself. And if someone ever tells you that their abusive behavior is ok because they have a good reason... you NEED to call them out and walk away if they refuse to change.
My irrational possessiveness and completely unwarranted violent protection of books has also been spurred. 😅 Or, "as the kids would say", triggered. Lol
When I started drawing when I was 12, I was greatly inspired by a friend who was younger than me and was one of those who was just naturally gifted at art. And when I say this, she was 10 and could already draw a human from any angle and draw very complicated poses. She didn’t need to plan out the drawing, she was able to go straight into without any guidance lines. And her art was good. She was a genius at it. So, because I wanted to draw like that, I started learning a bit later than most artist. When I expressed an interest in with my parents, I was immediately shut down. Hey wanted me to either pursue Tennis, something that I was naturally good at, become a doctor, or a lawyer. They would be little me and tell me that artist don’t get rich until they are dead. But it was something I really wanted to do. I loved designing clothes and wanted to be a fashion designer. But, because of how my parents treated me with art, same with my school, and later my abusive ex boyfriend, I ended up dropping art all together for over 10 years. I just recently got back into wanting to start a comic. But I am so behind in my abilities at art now and I am 31, seeing people who are 18 a heck of a lot better than me and it makes me depressed. Makes me think I will never be good enough at my current age cause those who are my age and kept drawing are loads better than me. I know this has a lot to do with my up bringing and how my ex made me feel ashamed for wanting to do art to control me. (He made me feel ashamed for liking everything I had liked before dating him.) Toxic relationships in general are horrible for you. It hurts even more coming from people who are suppose to love you like your family. Which is why I tell people now, it doesn’t matter if they are related to you by blood. If they make you feel horrible for anything that doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, you need to either have a very serious talk, or walk away and no longer have them in your life. Granted, this is coming from someone who came from an abusive family and relationships. I now currently have a partner who is very supportive of me wanting to learn art and start a comic. Edit: I am glad I never went into Tennis, cause it would have ended very early cause I got health problems that make just walking impossible some days and extremely difficult on a normal day. This has been the case since I was 25.
something similiar happened to me w family and relationships. Im still trying to get out of my toxic relationship. Im 21 yet i feel so behind. Only compare yoursef with your past its the only thing that matters. Im starting to learn comic and webtoons as i think this is a good way to tell a story with art. I hope your goals and dreams are fulfilled, and dont forget to enjoy the process. ^^
Aether I know I should only compare my art with my past art. I just get caught up seeing people younger than me who are so much better and it makes me feel horrible that I allowed myself to just drop art all together for as long as I did. Due to this, I stopped using social media for the most part, which I think has helped with just not getting caught up with comparing myself to others, but less distractions as well. I hope you can manage to break free from your toxic relationship safely and stay safe.
Don't worry about being too old at 31. The benefit of age is that you can now schedule your own learning process much more effectively. Instead of just sitting around doodling what you are inspired to do, as a child does, you can focus on your weaknesses, plan a development strategy for your art style for your Comic project. And no matter how good you are today, consistent and smart work can make you amazing in 2 years, and Godly in 5 years.
I went through the same thing, I'm 36 now and i made a decision to pursue art seriously 3 years ago. It was always a life long dream that never whent away despite life's best efforts. I don't regret a single day of pursuing art, it's been the most frustrating, fulfilling and best thing i could have ever done! Don't let your age or anything else stop you. It's your life and you get to live it any way you want! 😊
I love how you focused the issue in *relationships* that are toxic instead of people that are toxic. That is crucial, in my opinion. A person can be nice, can be great, but it may be a toxic relationship if you are in one with them. A nice person + a nice person doesn't always equal a nice relationship. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us
That's a very valid point. So often, two good-hearted people just don't mesh well, but feel that whatever's binding them together is worth holding on to. This could lead to a very stale and potentially dangerous relationship for *both* partners, and will need to be addressed.
A Chinese student at my school told me parents won't support a career in the arts until you become successful, then suddenly they will be your biggest fans and will in fact have always supported you from the beginning. It's not so different here in the US at least.
When you win the lottery everybody suddenly wants to become your friend or acts like you've always been the bestest friends. And you meet family you didn't even know you had.
Love this, As a young artist thinking about stuff like this is always scary but hearing someone with experience genuinely talk and give advice about it is comforting
I went to University for music, but I have always wanted to do art so I made sure to make time to take art classes. I took painting, still life, and figure drawing. When my parents found out that I would be drawing nude models in figure drawing they are mortified. My parents and my sister said everything they could to dis-way me form taking that class. "Ask your teacher if you can face the other way and not participate! That's a sin to look at that! etc etc." After a few months of taking those art classes I sent my mom a picture of my realism piece. She was floored. It was a picture of an older women lounging in a chair, and of course she was nude. She didn't apologize for what she said to me before, but hearing her thoughts on my piece was enough for me. They have never given thoughts on my artwork before. That was the first time and it felt amazing. Not getting any support before made it hard to keep going. It made me very hard on myself. I have some of that support now and god it makes a world of a difference. Hearing the, "I love it honey!" from my parents makes me want to jump right into another piece. Just a story, thought it was relevant.
I really really , really needed this. I am working in a studio where the Higher up management is so possessive of good artists that they would start to intentionally degrade the artists skills so they won't leave. I've been burned out, worked extremely long hours, made to feel guilty of asking for leaves and then harassed for thinking of a job change. Its too much emotional and mental pressure for a young artist to take. I really need some advice on this matter. I know the best thing to do is leave and do what i feel makes me happy but they make it seem so hard to do by forcing upon too much manipulations and emotional distress. Thank you so much for this video. It felt so relatable.
I don't normally share this with strangers, but I can relate to such a high level I can't keep it for myself. Leave. Now. Before you mental health has to deal with permanent damage. Those people are assholes. I was in the exact same situation as you back in 2012. I was a young artist and I was insecure about my work. I was degraded and harassed all the time. Management told me nobody else would ever hire me up if I left. Like you, I've burned out and my mind went to very dark places... It lasted 2 years. Until one day I decided to quit. I thought I was making a huge mistake, but believe me it saved me. I still haven't recovered completely, but my psychiatrist is absolutely positive about one thing : leaving was the good decision, and it's a tough one to make when you're in such distress. Don't worry, you'll find another job. The world will keep spinning around. Hang on mate!
@@ZeCarnevilCat Thank you so much for this! Hope you are doing good now. It seems its a far bigger topic then i anticipated. I will definitely take your advice and look for the bigger picture. Stay healthy, stay safe! :) :)
As you said you know the best thing to do is leave, you know what you gotta do, just need to do it the smart way. Plan ahead, have savings if things go wrong, if needed, talk to a professional, to important people to you. Good luck my friend, I hope things get solved by your end!
I've had a similar issue with a girl whenever I did figure studies or nudes. She assumed I was the disloyal type because of it... Eventually she ended up cheating on me, so I suppose it's true that people project themselves onto others. Nobody should have to give up a career they've spent decades building for someone's ego/jealousy.
@@Badartist888 she was hella conservative and quite self-conscious about herself. Which was pretty silly, considering she was fit and unusually good looking, tbh. But jealousy is hard to deal with, and is often irrational I suppose.
jealousy is a terrible thing. i have a good friend who even got jealous that her partner had married in a video game - not even online with another human player, but in Skyrim, with an NPC. she's apparently gotten a little more relaxed, I hear, lol.
I just happened to stumble along this video and I'm not an artist, but I am a programmer, and I feel respect for people who want to be or who are artists. Do what keeps u happy.
Sorry you had to go through that. Schools really need to teach kids how to navigate relationships and what to look for and avoid with intimate partners. Someone who constantly lies, assaults you or destroys your things isn't safe to be around and just isn't a relationship worth trying to salvage.
I was going to write out a long comment about living with two practically-minded older people who see my work and go "ok but what do you DO with that" and how that's been slowly draining my soul but instead I'm just gonna say thank you. Because you helped me realize just now that that IS the problem.
Aryn Bruce omg SAME. There so much more I can say but....yeah, same. I knew it’s been draining my soul but I’m afraid I realized too late and now I’m too broken to do anything. But I know I can get what I had back and move forward. It’s just gonna be a journey.
I really enjoy listening to you while I work. You touch on so many insecurities that I've harbored for so long that I thought that this is just how people live. It's an incredible relief to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not that nuts and that it's alright to talk about these sorts of things. You also have a very relaxing voice. Thank you for your help.
I love to listen to advice like this from artists (and other kinds of people) who have experienced life more than I have. I'm nearing 24 and still feel like a child barely getting out of the kiddie pool. I've never been in a romantic relationship, and I never will, but still knowing about how healthy all kinds relationships should be is valuable.
I had a girlfriend once in my early twenties who on one hand really enjoyed art, particularly comics and the whole shabang. But one day she told me after 2 years or so that she doesn't truly believe that I woulnd be able to earn money with this. It wasn't said in anger or to be particularly mean, but within the framework of a conversation about future planning and all that relationship babble that comes with the territory. Admittedly I was in a difficult time in my life, struggling between rarely attending my classes at art college and working retail just to stay alive. So I wasn't on a perceivable fast track to where I'd wanted to be. Still when she uttered that I knew that this wasn't going to be forever. Not because I need to be pampered and lauded all the time, but because of the fundamental disconnect this presented in the perception of me and how certain situation would turn out. I could see how one day if earning money with art would be difficult the conversation might surely shift to "getting a real job". Furthermore, working in a job that didn't fulfill me in the slightest showed me that I could not do this without withering away and spiraling into unhappyness. This was plan A for me wihtout anything to fall back on to that would help me in any traditional career path. We broke up a few months after, not merely because of this but for me it certainly stuck and reinforced my feeling that this wasn't meant to last. Fortunately things turned out pretty well and I've been working creatively for several years now, being able to pay the bills with what I love to do.
While a lot of these points are something I've experienced one way or another, the last one was the one that hit the most I wasn't the one who was being manipulated, I was the one that was being possessive, and it still pains me to even think that I was that kind of person one point in my life Being an artist myself, it was very blind of me to not see that the person I cared for was also juggling so many other responsibilities aside from their passion, which was also art. I would put our friendship on the line whenever they decided to deal with their responsibilities rather than spend time with me, or I'd bring up about how jealous I was about their following on their social medias. One day the friendship just dissolved, gone, and instead of being very angry, I thought that that person made the correct choice. Even to this day, I would make the same decision they did if I was faced with that situation, just like as Adam said, if your health or safety is not threatened by leaving this person, please consider cutting that relationship. You and your passion are something that is acknowledged at the start of the relationship, as a partner, or maybe even a friend, I think its very important that WE are the ones that catch them when they fall, that WE are the very people that help them keep their fire for their passion burning, WE are the very environment that will help them become better at whatever their passion is. On another note, I would like to thank you for bringing this type of content, my view of art surely has changed, but your videos bring something more than just that, more than just being "good" at art (or whatever the hell that means), it brings very important wisdom. Its been months since that happened but I've been trying to change myself and how I treat other people. To whoever is reading this one hell of a wall of text, I hope you're staying safe and keeping your passion close
My boyfriend use to randomly call out the time “you know it’s 6pm, right”. Every friggin hour, any artist would understand, when you are in the zone then abruptly interrupted constantly with time checks it’s infuriating. So never got much done and found my energy change from feeling motivated to annoyed and frustrated and usually in tears. I am no longer in that relationship! Adam I felt your pain when you mentioned the knocking at the door every 15 minutes. Great advise Adam. 🙌❤️🦋
21:54 so true. I am so glad i have almost no conflicts anymore in my private life, because i have my own apartment now and my friends are on my wavelength. Overly emotional conflicts really destroy my productivity.
I have a lump in my throat watching this video right now because I've been having issues in my relationship like this for a long time and I know what needs to be done, but I haven't been able to do it.
Hmm, it sounds like you have some tough choices ahead - take your time, last thing you want to do is be impulsive about it (unless it’s painfully obviously toxic)
@@AdamDuffArt You basically hit the nail on the head at multiple points in the video where you talk about being in a relationship with someone who you deeply care about and want them to be happy, but they just don't share your connection when it comes to creativity. I'm definitely not being impulsive since I've been strugglign with whether I want to continue with this for at least a year. The other point you mentioned that I really related to, and that has been a HUGE thorn in the relationship recently is the whole "knocking at the door every half hour asking if I'm done yet". my girlfriend feels that she's being really accomodating by giving me like an hour to paint in the weekends for example, and will barge in the room where I work repeatedly (almost every 15 minutes at times) and it's so frustrating to try and make her understand that I need to focus, and it's not personal.
@@jordanoneill7052 Hi Jordan, I hope you do not mind me giving my two cents. As Adam says people need to understand how we think. Especially our partners as its them receiving the best and the worst of us. My partner was very clingy. I just like you did not have a lot of space to do my creative work, or games. Or anything for that matter. That changed when we went through a really rough patch where like you I had to see if this is something I wanted to continue. In that time me and my partner took a small break where I wanted to figure out what I want. And in that time she too had to figure out what she wants. What we want our relationship to be like if there were to be one. And from that point on we share a mutual need to have our own space. Me even more then her as my painting and being creative is semi work semi passion. And she is okay with that. We dedicate a day a week where we really spend some time together. And the rest of the week we see each other at night and in the morning. Point of this message is to say that, our partners cannot read what we need. We often expect our partners to be like our parents. As our parents could see what we needed even before we could talk. But that is not the case now, and thus you will have to communicate. If your partner is a great woman. Who besides not understanding the importance of your work is great in every other way I reckon its worth having a good talk with her. She too can benefit from this, and if she does not agree. Well then I suppose you will figure out the next step. In my opinion we can grow our careers, mental health, heal trauma in and during a relationship. As when we grow in our relationship all else flows along.
@@romarbetc123 Thanks for sharing your experience, yeah I've been through that whole process and we've had periods of ups and downs where we can find a balance for some time but eventually it is always lost, and begins to feel like a never ending cycle, which is why I'm considering ending it all, but it's hard because we've been through periods like you are talking about.
@@jordanoneill7052 Concerning your girlfriend barging in and disturbing you while you work; I had a similar issue with my boyfriend when he started working from home with me. I explained it to him, that I'm like a deep sea diver. Him barging in (even if it was just to say hi or bring coffee) was akin to making a diver surface too quickly, and they get the bends. It takes your creative mind out of the moment, and it can take a long time to get back at a level/'ocean depth', of being comfortable enough to start on art again.
You are the shining light in the darkness. A genuine gem of the art community and I am truly glad to have your content in my life. You help to make us all better people and artists. Thank you for your wisdom today.
Ahh yes...... everytime relationships felt suffocating I wanted to run away from them... I want someone who can just leave me alone when I need to be.. I get anxious when someone is interested in a romantic relationship with me and they want to be with me for too many hours... like ... I don't wanna be lonely ... but I more often than not want to be alone..... it's sad thinking about it I understand they expect me to be like them and not get tired after talking for 10 hours straight but honestly if that's what being in a relationship means sometimes I feel like I'm way better on my own... yet it scares me.
This is actually really common!!! Nothing's wrong with talking a lot, nothing's wrong with quality over quantity, or even something casual, either. Just be really honest from the START about this and keep an eye out for other people with these preferences-- the thing is, if everybody with this preference keeps quiet and ashamed about it they won't know how to find each other and actually get into those relationships where you have love but also a lot of space!!! Some people who claim they've "given up" or "aren't interested" feel this way and don't show interest until they feel like THEIR kind of interest would be welcome. Some people of course really are just Not Interested. But seriously, don't entirely lose hope. Relationships mean exactly what the person in them needs to thrive and be healthy. People love taking care of both sunflowers and cacti, people love both cats and dogs, people love all kinds of people in all kinds of ways. I'd super recommend either an introvert, workaholic or extrovert that has a lot of other friends and doesn't need to be entertained by an SO all the time (but still appreciates them). Good luck to you and I'm really sorry you've had a rough time so far!!!
this was a great talk. I can definitely relate, For the last few years ive been alone because unfortunately all the women I was meeting took the artist thing as a sort of novelty like they wanted to be a model/muse or something and have no career, they were also artists and were hyper competitive about it or they had some completely boring day job and expected the same from me. Sometimes the best thing for the work is to just accept the solitude that comes with it
I recently divorced my ex wife due to something similar like this. It was completely worth it making that decision. Thank you Adam, I needed to hear this.
when you were talking about programming, it reminded me of my dad. he can go on an on about computers and machine learning, i don't know what he is saying but I love hearing it because it makes him happy :)
I love hearing people talk about their passions. It's a beautiful thing and even if I don't understand I could listen for hours, because they love it. They love talking about it and doing it and that is precious. No matter the topic.
For example, my hair dresser. She loves talking about all the different places she has worked. She worked in a prison cutting hair for the prisoners for ten years of her life. She goes on and on about how awesome it was. I have no interest in hair styling whatsoever, but seeing her face light up when she gets to talk about it is wonderful. I tried to explain that to my mother in the car one day, it was rough. She didn't understand caring about other people's interests at all, it was foreign to her.
finally! somebody said that what I always tried to tell people we also need to study body as doctor do! at that point it is just a subject to study for us.
Damn.I was jealous at my ex because of this and now I started doing art and I understand her .Well it was mostly my fault and I cannot blame her for leaving me .Her choice was really good.I wish her to be well:)
Music has always been my true passion, but I have a parent who refuses to fund my education if I pursue music. I’m currently studying computer science in college and I frequently wonder if I made the right decision or if I should’ve gone to a music school or pursued music without an education or something. This video was a really nice reassurance that I am doing the right thing
Each person's situation is different and we will have to solve our problems in different ways. What matters more is that no matter what u do, don't loose site of what is important to u n when u find the opportunity to work on it, take it
Keep going and regret nothing! You made your decision to study computer science because in that moment it was the best decision you could reason with the information you had and being who you were at the time. I’m learning that it’s really important to connect with others who accept you for who you are and can encourage you in the areas in which your loved ones tear you down. I have 2 close friends who do, but I’m still searching for others, who are also doing the things I want to do. You may be able to change your major later, or learn music through other avenues. But when you are ready, take the leap and it will happen. It’s time when it’s time. ❤️
You still have time! While you're studying computer science - which is great - look for ways you can get into music part time, whether its instruments, production singing I'm sure there's opportunities around you, even college societies you can join. Trust me its never too late, especially while in college
You can still have fun with music in computer science! Look up DAWs and MIDI. Video games need music too. Classes may be boring but maybe it'll open opportunities you never thought possible! Best of luck to you
I wish I had known this like...10 years ago. Journaling and having life-changing discussions with very important friends brought me to a new way of thinking. Thank you Adam.
Considering situation in my country... I wouldn't allow my kids to pursue career in Art. However, alongside of them pursuing something that can actually bring them money, I'd provide them with as much time and space and resources to pursue Art in their free time as I can and I'd even help them find ways to monetize it. If they proved that they are part of the minority that can make actual profit from their Art, then I'd even support them switching to Art career full time. But in our environment... putting Art as your primary pursuit will leave you bankrupt (unless you are both talented and really lucky).
First, I want to say thank you for making a video on such a difficult topic, Adam. Though, in my life, so far, I've encountered the opposite problem? As far as art is related, anyway. I've talked to my parents about going to art school and, though they were reluctant at first, they slowly warmed up to the idea; now they're completely ok with it. But, I don't know if I want to anymore? I do want to make art my job and I work my buns off everyday to get better; hell, I spent the first two months of quarantine working 8 hours a day on my artwork (now I'm back at work so can't really spend as much time with my trusty tablet, sadly). My point is, I'm positive that art is something I need to create a lot of in my life, and my parents are supportive, but I stop myself because I feel like I will never be good enough? Because going to art school is a waste of money since everything I've learned so far has been self-taught and I feel like I could keep going for years like this? Because even if I make money right now, I will never be able to pay for my entire tuition (France isn't as bad as the US, but it's still pretty awful, here, haha), especially if I need to pay rent because I live so far away from the schools? Because I feel like everything's been given to me on a silver plate ever since I was born and I feel like life should be harder so I get anxious about the smallest things, and I stress out and I panic and then I feel ungrateful to my parents because I never feel good and god, I'm such a mess. Honestly, there's just so much on my mind, constantly, and god do I feel like I'm complaining and I hate that. I feel like my life doesn't really make sense, without art. I don't know if this sounds depressing or not, and I should probably seek therapy considering how I feel and the many psychological problems I know I have but... I've been raised in a house where you just "suck it up" which is completely contradictory to the mindset I see in the communities I take a part in on internet so, I just feel lost... This must be the fourth or fifth time that I type out a comment on one of your videos and everytime they end up being so depressing, haha. I promise it's not your fault, I'm just a mess of a person. :') Well, anyway, I don't know if this kind of comment belongs here but if I don't post this one, I probably never will so. There I go!
The problem with "Just suck it up" is that eventually you get so full of crap it starts to poison you and you just can't do it anymore. It's normal to be confused. Maybe do that thing where you make a list about what is the good side or the negative side and see if that helps to clarify your thinking. It's not shameful to change your mind. As you grow and get more experience and knowledge in life it changes how you look at things. And if you can find someone you trust to talk to that might also help. Be kind to yourself(sometimes the hardest to do)
@@stephaniebelenets2666 Thank you for your kind words. I have more or less come to terms with the fact that art school isn't for me, for now. Making lists doesn't work a lot for me though as I get stuck in the same thinking patterns and inevitably circle back to my initial, inquiring, state, haha. Just doing my best to maneuver myself through life, though! Thank you, again, I hope you are doing well yourself!
you talk on the toxic relationships resonates with me greatly as for many years of my adult life i was in a toxic relationship myself. i made the decision to walk away not that long ago after i realized that it wasn't worth giving up everything i love and enjoy for one person who no longer made me feel like i was a valued partner.
Thanks for sharing this, Adam. I just had a talk with my only real art friend. It's a whole new world compared to non-art practical career people. Gave me so much hope. Talk to the right people. Not that others are "wrong", just that they aren't the perspective you need as an artist. Compromise until you can fly on your own. I learned this in my life as well. Artistic since 3, was going to art college, parent's "practicality" kicks in, I go to nursing school, couldn't sell too much of my soul for other's practicality, became a property manager and pursued an art degree whilst on a desk job. I'm now freelancing for clients that love and care for their work. It's not easy, but try to communicate. The journey is the process and the process teaches us; it's the fun part. At the end of it all, we set off on a new journey. And it never ends. :) We keep learning, and we can all do it together.
Ive been trying to get my love for art back, but i dont know if thats possible, ive been in a bad relationship for quite some time, where in the past i was scolded for putting so much time into art, not responding and such. With time i just stopped drawing and painting, as i didnt want to hear over and over again of how im being a bad person for putting time to art, even when they compliment my work, even when they keep telling me to draw more, that doesnt change that ive already been scolded for giving time for it. Now im afraid to give time for painting or drawing, as thats still in the back of my head that i am putting too much time on it even if im gone drawing for 5 minutes at a time, i feel like im being pulled between two options in my life
Good talk man. I have been there more than a few times with each of your examples. It's hard to see in the moment that you are better off without them, but creative life flourishes when it's unchained.
Extremely wise words Adam. They resonate so much over my past... every single word. I end up numb... blocked and depressed... Thank you for sharing and caring for others around. Thank you for your "father advice". Take care as well. #dreamsareunstoppable
Your videos always touch a raw nerve that only lived experience and perseverance can provide. I love how you bring in such a balanced and nuanced way of navigating life experiences and finding a space to create art.
Thank you for opening this conversation because it’s important that we acknowledge the toxic patterns that might lead to unhealthy relationships. It’s not the fault of the people per se. it’s just an unfortunate situation because both may carry unhealed childhood trauma, pain and suffering. It is very devastating when someone who claims to love you cannot understand or support your artistic journey. What I know now is that… They’re blocked from their own creativity too. Keep going and creating fella artists. 👩🏼🎨🖼⚡️
After highschool I did a two year ilustration course, it wasnt an official thing, just something local, small. I'll finish this month and my parents wanted me to go to college just for the sake of getting an official diploma, I wanted to study art from home with online courses and keep working on my portfolio, we debated for months, my father had a lot of anxiety and it was kinda uncorfortable. After delivering I decided to listen to them and be positive about, this september (if lucky) I go to college to study english literature. My past self would be pissed but after thinking its not that bad: I get four years of security, four years where I can develop my art in my spare time, I also love both reading and english so Im not gonna be depressed there. Thanks for the video, a part of me was still resentful after making that decision, this has helped me :)
It can definitely get lonely for us artists... But it's nice to hear that doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Thanks for sharing your perspective Adam!
this video was how i found you last year, and honestly your talks saves me from further crushing myself further from my toxic thoughts, even relationships, and i cant thank you enough for sharing this, and other wonderful talks. i love how you discuss and share your thoughts, and you have this calming voice thats not too demanding (like commanding or so) that made me rather pressured. all in all, please continue to do this, i love listening to your talks while doing work. it calms my nerves as an art student, i truly feel all of the topics you've discussed. cheers, Adam!
I was stuck in a kind of hard relationship with a friend of mine that was as toxic for me as for her. We were friends for some years, we became really close friends since last summer, I eventually quickly fell in all love, I didn't to be in a love relationship with her as she was already in a relationship with a friend of mine and to me it would have been weird, but I ended up telling her just to move on with my love feelings. I thought I did good telling her but tis move started months of depression, self bashing my own art, didn't even want to draw/paint. She broke up with her boyfriend not so long after I told her about my feelings (those 2 moments were not related). She was sad, and even I had feelings for her, she was first and foremost one of my closest friends so I helped stand back up. She was not nice with me, she bashed me verbally regularly and eventually sometimes she was realising I was helping her as hard as I can and bas nicer. I assumed her bad mood was temporary due to her breakup. Months passed, I kept always supporting her, the more I was nice with her, the more bored and harsh she became of me. I was losing my friends cause of her telling them how annoying, boring and stupid was. The more bad I felt about that, the more I was trying to tell her as I expected her to support me as I always tried to support her. But no, she was putting me even further down, calling me a crybaby who annoys people when I get sad. And I was forgiving her, finding her reasons and even assuming she was maybe right and that I was maybe a bad friend, depressed guys, crybaby, and boring dude. At this point I wasn't even doing art anymore, I spent most of my time, worrying, crying, hating myself and everything I could do. My others few close friends (people that were friends with her) were helping me to get better and realising she was toxic to me, while she was saying that I was toxic to her and I should be better. Always saying that our friendship was on the line due to my behaviour. I was dependant of her, was helping her with everything, always there when she was in a bad situation, I was doing her favours she was asking me almost every weeks. Then eventually made my 8years old group of friends explode, one of them think I'm a shot and I don't talk to the others anymore. I took some distances with her since this moment, I was able to make art again, to feel better in my life. The problem is I did that too late, and after almost a year enduring that, I was pretty much lost all my friends. This relationship made sacrifice a while in my art journey and forced me to end up being completely alone. Now I try to restart my life all again, I'm optimistic now and I totally believe I'll end up to get back on track with my life one day. Guys, when you start to doubt, act. Don't wait hoping things will get better eventually like I did. It ruined me so much and it was so hard to finally get out of this depression. I doubt anyone will read this entirely, but it feels good to let it all out freely for the first time. Be safe everyone, hope you get to enjoy your life, have fun and I wish you the best. Love you all :)
aaaaaah you're back I've been waiting for your video for so long so I just clicked within micro seconds as soon as I saw this video nice to have u back ❤️❤️❤️❤️ love your art and work always
@@AdamDuffArt aaaah ofcourse your videos are always so useful and calming your videos are the best thing to listen to when I'm havin a bad day (which I am today) and I get into a good mood automatically listening to u so thank you for being yourself and all the help you offer to all us troubled artists and yes I did smack my head on the like button lol ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love to draw but the last few years i was in a very toxic relationship and stopped drawing nearly completely. After this relationship i was able to focus again on what i love and slowly i can draw again and be happy while doing it. A big help is another artist i met, who shows me, that I am great the way i am and motivates me to keep drawing and be proud of everything i do, because with every piece an artist gets better. Thank you Alan for your Videos, they are a great help to understand all the feelings some might help in regards of drawing.
I disagree about "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I think that something like parents keeping you away from doing art professionally or dealing with a full-time or even part-time job only grows resentment for the things holding you back and/or self-hatred for not being accepted by society for wanting to do art.
I respectfully disagree. There is always a way if you want it. For me, we didn't have the money to send me to art school so I dropped out in the first semester and enrolled in a cheaper alternative which was drafting, the school was government-owned so it was way cheaper. In the first few years, I flunked at school because of resentment and overall loss of passion. One summer I officially made a decision to try out digital art. so I worked my ass off and applied to a call center, I earned enough money to buy a cheap surplus japan laptop that was probably released around 2001 it couldn't run photoshop or Sai, in fact, it couldn't run any painting software besides Microsoft paint and the built-in test painting software from a cheap drawing tablet(It was Chinese I can't remember the brand since this happened 9 years ago). I made it work, I quit my job after buying what I need to get a head start. My parents forced me back to school but I kept flunking, It was at that time when I once introduced to league of legends and discovered splash art. I kept flunking in school and overall just dropped it. I sucked up all the criticisms and shaming(Asian family) and dedicated to pursue art. At this point, I managed to convince my parents to buy me a laptop instead of paying for my tuition. This was a breakthrough since I was able to finally download photoshop and started painting in a higher resolution. I managed to get clients slowly from commissions online. It was a turning point and I was so happy. However, the criticisms never stopped, I persisted and watched a ton of youtube videos understanding the industry inside and out. It was a lot of work and all-nighters. Years later I managed to meet my boss who offered me an office job as an in house artist. Until we were forced to stop operations due to COVID, I was lucky to prepare back up plans and managed to survive through commissions and now working as a full-time illustrator for a creative company. I am still working as an artist now but not in the video game industry, however I draw for commissions when I can. I'd say I'm in the best position I have ever been my entire life. I combine both necessity and passion. You just gotta keep moving and learning. TLDR; I was in the same position as you before and have managed to push through by sheer stubbornness and grit. I am now in the best position of my life where I am free and very happy despite the things I have been through.
The real danger of leaving your passion for later, when you have enough money saved up, is that life changes you. You easily become that stop gap career you picked, especially if it's prestigious or well paying, and it becomes hard to leave it behind for some fanciful artist life you dreamed of when you were younger.
@@queertales Get a job that is close to being an artist. Business is also included since technically the principles are the same. you need to balance both. If you're a doctor and you want to be an artist. you pretty much nailed down Anatomy. Basically, forge your life to what you want it to be. It's up to you in the end. Not all wanderers are lost.
wow, i clicked on this video because i thought the ilustration looked cool and i wanted to see how you made but... after hearing 10 seconds of what you were talking about i ended up watching and listening to everything and didn't even look at the drawing, this was exactly what i needed and wanted to hear, i didn't expect that this would turn out to be this deep but i'm happy it did. i can't thank you enough for making this video.
You talk about a fortune teller in the video. Adam. You just became a fortune teller with this video and it's what I didn't want to hear. But it's true and you communicated it perfectly. Seriously the best.
Hi Adam, don't know if you gonna read this but I've been struggling with this issue all my life. I have a very conservative parents, specially my father (oldschool policeman) and he never accepts that I decided to live a life out of the security of a full time contract standard job. He always bullied me when I was young to the point that not my mind, but my body breaks in a certain point. I was a martial arts trainer and I was working in 3 gyms at once and stuying sports when I was 18 and it never was enough because I didn't choose the kind of life they want me to choose so I totally collapse and then, became type 1 diabetic. After that experience and being lost for a couple years, I rediscovered art and I took that career with all my passion. This time I don't listened to my parents as I did when I was young so in my 30's I had to pass through the same constant pressure and comptemt, even when everybody was thinking I could be a good artist. Then, the money of my first commisions came, but that's the point I want to reach: to a person who is not understanding you as a human being and is stubborn and stucked in a short-vision of the world you will never be good enough, even if I manage to live wealthy with my art, this kind of people always focus on the negative side. With time, I've learned to ignore other people's expectations for you and stay away from toxic people. Sorry if it's too personal to share here but this video really resonates with me and I wanna spill it out, if anybody was being though the same. Cheers mate, take care and happy painting for you too
I'm one of the passion skill first, practical skill second artists, though I immediately jumped into self teaching coding a month after finishing a game art degree. The last class I took was taught by someone who runs a successful small indie game studio and she basically stressed the importance of having a combination of practical and creative skills. Knowing basic programming and having a game art portfolio means that now I can get a decently paying job almost anywhere in the country even if I can't get a game studio job in an expensive state or city. And if I do get a job in an expensive state or city in art and get laid off after a short time, I can jump over to doing a programming job instead of working at a grocery store barely paying my bills. Or you can combine the two and create an indie game, which could be a form of passion and practical meeting in the middle. Even if the game fails, you now have both more pieces in in your art portfolio AND an app for your programming portfolio.
This is crazy! I just left a relationship exactly like this. It's not easy but it's the best thing you can do for yourself not just as an artist but really for your mental wellbeing. I'm in a more priveleged situation given I finally earn enough as an artist to be able to support myself and not have to worry about making rent which is sometimes why people are trapped in bad relationships. I hope anyone that's in this sort of relationship can break free from it, it won't be all rainbows in the beginning steps of separation but in the end you will have made the right move.
Hey Adam, your videos help me in a lot of ways. Sometimes I watch them when I drink my coffee in the morning to get motivated to draw. But sometimes I find myself coming to your channel to calm my anxiety at night. Your stories, everything you talk about, the music... I love your channel and your art, thank you so much. P.s I'm view number 50k lol
Thank you so much for pointing out the culture differences, many people advice to just do what you want without taking those things into regard. I'm a woman from a middle eastern culture and rebelling against your parents like some other cultures is really not tolerated. Even now, 27 years of age, with a degree and an office job, I would not dare to tell my mother that I am practicing art and posting it with the intention of turning it into a career. She has never accepted creativity even as a hobby when I was child, let alone as a possible career
Thank you for making this video. The music and your voice are very soothing. I know this is coming from a place of wisdom and love. It can be so hard to pursue our passions when those around us, even those who love us make it so difficult. It can be hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it but for those that have, I think we instantly understood the types of relationships you mention, from parents who love us and want us to be able to be self-sufficient and get by in the world without suffering, to partners who may love us as people but still can not fully understand our passions and are resentful of the time our passions demand. These things don't make our loved ones bad people, but it can create strained relationships. It is very important to make connections with others that can be encouraging. It is important to place value on your own mental well-being. It is also important to weigh your responsibilities and consequences. Thank you for making such a well thought-out video.
I've found time to be one of the most difficult issues to navigate. I have been in a toxic relationship where they felt the need to control how I spent my time and would also get angry whenever I received positive feedback on my art (or for anything else for that matter.) Even in a general sense, it can be difficult to meet people that are also supportive or at least able to respect that you need some time for yourself every so often.
Man. This is so on point for me. Im once again stuck in a relationship just like this. Not the first time. Only this time im taking care of this womans 4 kids as well. Havnt really gotten to be able to work on serious art in over 3 years. Only quick sketches and digital stuff. I live in an ever agonizing spiral of interuptions.........i had just found a happy place in my life when I met her............im going to end up brreaking 5 hearts.
I've been growing frustrated with my spouse, who is working from home during quarantine. I know that in his office he has people he can talk to, so it feels natural to him to come into the room where I'm working and make small talk once or twice an hour. But I really wish he would just leave me alone and let me work. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem. I imagine quarantine has put a lot of people in this position.
With regards to relationships In my experience whether you're doing anything as a career or as a hobby, the most important thing you need to look for in a partner is someone who has an interest in what you're doing even if they don't do it themselves or someone who can understand having a passion for something. If your partner can't understand why you want to spend so much time doing what you love in the end it will cause problems. Usually they will either think you're just wasting your time or become jealous and think that you value your job/hobby more than them. Some people always believe there must be a purpose to what you're doing, like there should always be an end product or something to gain from the time you're spending and that's not always the case. Most people who have a passion for something in life spend time doing it for the act itself and not for what will come out of it, although that's obviously part of it too. A quick example, when I was a kid I used to love fishing but almost never caught anything, my friends couldn't understand why I spent entire days doing it without catching a fish and so thought I was wasting my time. That was because they didn't and couldn't understand why I enjoyed fishing. To them the point of fishing was to catch fish but to me it wasn't, I enjoyed the whole process just as much as catching the fish. I think having someone who can understand is key in a relationship. Usually it's a lot easier for people to understand when they also have their own passion in life. You don't need to both be into the same thing but it definatley will help if they also have a passion for their own thing. Relationships are obviously a fine balance with a lot of give and take. If you're selfish and just expect your partner to fit in around you that's also not going to work, but if someone is constantly making you feel like you need to choose between spending time with them or doing what you enjoy then it's a bad sign. When it comes to art it's also good to remember that there's a large amount of people that never get to do it as a job, the creative industry is extremely difficult to get into and a lot of artistic skill and luck is needed. This means it can end up putting even more strain on a relationship, as not only do you have a day job filling your time but also a hobby you want to spend a lot of time on evenings and weekends too.
Brilliant video dude. My ex didn't like me doing art either. It takes years to get the art business set up and he hated how much time I spent trying to make things work. the only reason I tried to make money with art was that he said I was worthless because I made no money. When I make sales, I'm still worthless. told him to move onto someone he didn't see as worthless, he wasn't too happy with that but now I have peace.
This reminds me so much of things my father said:tm: "You should not pursue art, you should pursue a career that earns you a lot of money so you can support an artist who does art." Like, That's an interesting level of screwed up considering I was someone who was really good at drawing from early on/ was a natural at it, but this made me stop pursuing art, and now I'm behind everyone my age :| But somehow it's only a "waste of talent" if you don't pursue science when your grades are good.
I'm sorry. I understand how this is. It sucks when you put your passion on hold for others and then when you want to get back into it you feel like you have lost a lot of time that you can't get back. We may not be able to go back in time and reclaim that time but we can start now and prevent further time from being lost. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare your present skill to your past skill. You will likely notice improvement. If you continue working towards your goal you will improve. Doing something for your own happiness is important.
I'm so sorry you had to go thro so many toxic dynamics... Thank you so much for sharing all of this, Even when remembering these things can hurt and it takes effort to get thro it and get the point across. Thank you !!!! You are the best
This videotalk is abnormaly accurate. Interesting how everyone goes through it, and has to live with it somehow. 99% of them will never be understood by those around him. How he is alone and mostly encounters misunderstanding from others - and that the price of doing this is far greater than others realize. Same as great point in this video, about independence. How more emphasis and pressure is placed on you head, with each major step foward. I had different periods when I wanted to stop painting because of people. But it's me, my life. But in the end, I feed a family - a partner - a woman, I pay the bills. And I have a life like everyone else. But my surroundings will never understand that this is my job - that I am far more busy than they are. But no one will understand, because I'm the one sitting at the computer at night and just sitting. Many thanks for this video, in my soul I'm glad it's not just about me - but that others see it that way I wish you all the best for the future, good luck in ur way - in ur life @artofpetrbohacek
omg this was exactly what I needed. So great ❤ I cry watching all your videos and it shows me so clearly what kind of partner I should be looking for. I feel at home here thank you ❤
Love this video so much, specially the second part. Thanks for sending along this message. On another note, gods messing with my art stuff or materials is the quickest way to make my blood boil. My body moves on it's own before I can think so I don't recommend it. Someone nearly got slapped once because of it. In your situation I'd be PISSED. And leave. After saying some things. Though I'm generally forgiving of accidents, if not still annoyed anyway, and I've laughed my ass off at someone who destroyed a drawing I did for them out of hatred :') but yeah, emotional, very much lol
Great video as always, love to listen to you ❤️ I am very lucky and grateful to have a boyfriend who is very understanding and supportive and even encourages me to take time to do my art. And also my parents always supported and helped me financially while studying design. The only thing blocking me sometimes is myself; my self doubt and fear that I'll never be good enough or satisfied with what I do. Your videos are some of the things that motivate me to keep going
I'm at the 9 minute mark and already love the concept of this video. However, it also makes me wish that it had some kind of translation or subtitles as my parents aren't native english speakers. I want to share this video with them, but I don't think that they would understand the entirety of it due to the langauge barrier. Still tho, great video and message. Life sometimes forces you to at first do some things that you don't necessarly want to do, in order to secure yourself. But then again, nothing stops you from accomplishing your passion at a later date when you are a bit more free and self-reliant. Eitherway, it takes time and patience. So thank you very much for sharing this. Especially for younger folks like me, who do not necessarly know what to do, or feel stuck in a path that they do not necessarly want to pursue
Hey Adam, thank you for everything that you provide. Your wisdom helps us all, and certainly for me has helped me recognize flaws in myself, which I have to get a grip on. I'm an aspiring artist soon to go to college, and your knowledge that you provide is definitely helping guide me on a good path. Thank you, for it all, your wholesomeness is calming, and these videos help a lot of people. Have a great day, and hopefully a great year. ^u^
Ahhhhhh I love you, I was in a relationship like the last example, I left it but this helped me make peace with that decision and what went down. Thank you Adam 💕💕💕💕
I have been through this man. I am divorced now, after 14 years together, but I really realize with your speech that she really wasn't for me, neither I was the right person for her. I still remember at the start of our relation that one day she asked me "why do you have all these pictures of nudes women?"...Yes and not only women, but she didn't really cares. She was in fact way more interested by the money I could do. And I did some, but even when I worked on some famous movies, she wasn't interested by what I was creating. Yeah, 14 years togethers and she never stood behind my shoulder to enjoy the projects I was working on. She was only there when I asked her to "have a look"...And of course she wasn't really satisfied of what she saw. On the other point of life, it was nice...But unfortunately, bad luck and a lack of contracts on my side slowly nibbled our relation. And it ended badly. Today I try to reconstruct, and I feel way better. But I have to say that once again, one of your video helped me to perfectly "understand" a point in my life. THANKS!!
Im on a kind of that situations u talked about... i feel like my GF is not that apasionate as me with my "dream job". Its not only about my "job", its about when i talk about games, desing, programing etc... shes not a bad person a at all, but my heart breaks a little when she just drop her eyes to her phone on a conversation, or get distracted when im talking and i need to say "u know?" every time i see her not paying enough atention, not the atention i would pay for her. Shes kind of an artist btw, she paints with oil and canvas. Im triying to be a game developer (and all that goes with it). She feels dizzy every time she play 90% of games too, what makes our free time hard for me as a gamer. I had to complementary play or talk about games with a friend of her (female) that made me think about my realtionship again. I dont really know what to do because we were living together almost 2 years till now, and COVID forced us a bit to go with our parents again, and try to focus about ourselves for a while... I would be happy to hear any suggestions or comments because I do really apreciate her, but i dont know if this realtionship will be good for me in a long term...even if she dont do it on purpose. I love ur reflexive videos btw, kep it :D.
I come from a background that supports practical careers n I was following that for quite a while. My parents in particular didn't necessarily force me, but they guided my through taking a practical career n to keep art as a hobby, mainly cuz our society doesn't support art as much as others n we saw it as the most logical decision n I was convinced. It wasn't until I found myself staying in a separate environment different from where I grew up that I saw all the possibilities n that was when I couldn't stop lying to myself anymore of what I really wanted. Safe to say my family were quite concerned with the sudden shift I wanted to make in my future career half way through my college years in the medical field n most of my family members wanted me to reconsider, but I had to convince them that what I wanted to do isn't impossible. I think the best thing I did or still continue to do in my situation is simply convincing them n showing them what art is capable of n also allowing them to participate in little quizzes and activities. I would continue to show them my drawings; I show them works I made n for them to take their time to analyze and make sense of it however they can. Basically, I'm trying to expose them to this thing that may have not made much sense to them before. Safe to say, my family aren't able to see things or feel things the way I do, but they appreciate my skills n were willing to hear me out n were willing to understand. Despite the diverse ideals n ways of thinking, I think it helps to have people around you that may not necessarily see things the way u do but they show a different perspective on things that could be really helpful n they are ready to hear u out as well. I'm really love my family for that n I'm truly blessed to have them in my life.
It's kinda an emotional reaction but I clicked on this video because I was kinda interested in what you would have to say. Since I've dealt with people kinda questioning my choice of studying art after something else so I can maybe still do art in my future career possibly as a part-time job or smth like that I kinda started to cry because it was something I needed to hear. I really liked your opinion in that video, thank you for creating this video and raise awareness to that topic as well, especially because usually others talk about toxic people and not that much about toxic relationships that kinda cross your life decisions.
I really appreciate your comment on computer science being a creative endeavor. I'm primarily a programmer and not many people understand the creativity that goes into it. It's a weird mix of art and science which, in my experience, leads to a lot of the same kinda things that I hear from artists, especially burnout. You'd be surprised by how many of your videos about hardships as an artist apply to my experience as a programmer.
Hearing this was kinda hard. I guess for the fact I use to ignore those behaves in people I cared for. Them saying want I wanted to be (an animator) is a bad idea and continuously shooting it down, even though they were artist themselves. I thought cutting them out to be more me was wrong for so long, even tried going back to them once. Hearing this video really helps reassure that was not a bad thing to do, or I was a bad person for leaving.
Nice Video as always. I guess i can consider me lucky. I'm in a great relationship with a Woman who doesn't care much about comic art but tries to give me my space and supports me even when it means having little time for her and the kids and even when it means having less money since i rather spend time on art than doing more hours at work. Doesn't mean it doesn't het challenging now and then andnit took some time but i have to admit i am very lucky!
This is so spot on to an experience I had. This person has narcissistic personality traits. Very likely borderline personality disorder. It destroyed my ability to make art. Soul-crushing.
20:50 😹😹😭 RELATABLE!! WHY are Art pencils so difficult to sharpen QUICKLY??! Some pencils are better if you cut them at the slant and that takes FOREVER! I’m glad you got out of that relationship because yeah, that was Definitely toxic.
I created this when my kid was dealing with some bullies at school.
A Safe Friend
A safe friend is someone who 1. Apologizes/acknowledges when they've hurt you or your feelings, even if it was an accident 2. Doesn't punish you for disagreeing with them (excluding you, silent treatment, threats to end the friendship) 3. When you tell them how you feel, they accept it. They do not try to argue with you or tell you how you are "supposed" to feel. 4. Accept when you say no or to stop. 5. Does not hit, push, grab, or insult you when they are mad.
And an unsafe friend can just be someone who is going through a hard time. But you still have to keep a distance until they can be safe friends again. And sometimes people can't be safe friends, even if you like them or they are nice sometimes.
Are you a safe friend? Are those around you, safe friends?
Hmm! You know what Mia, I’m going to bring up everyone of these points up with Lucas & Chloë
I think every kid needs to hear this 😊❤️
Definetly saving that for when my daughter gets old enough to understand. Thanks a lot ;)
Thanks! Its really been a great way to talk about it with her without making her feel like we "hated her friends". And Ive actually had a adult friends reassess their toxic relationships/friendships/family after sharing this with them.
Must suck to be an unsafe friend, if all their friends are encouraged to be removed from them. You ever think about that?
@@Garl_Vinland No one should have to endure abuse just because someone else is in pain. You can have compassion for someone while also protecting yourself. And if someone ever tells you that their abusive behavior is ok because they have a good reason... you NEED to call them out and walk away if they refuse to change.
22:15
THE MOMENT HE SAID THAT, MY BLOOD BOILED. I'VE NEVER BEEN SO ANGRY FOR ANOTHER PERSON IN MY LIFE.
Same, art books are very expensive and important for art progress. I'd be pissed off if that happened to me.
That's a relationship ender right there.
Imagine being so jealous of a drawing that you have to destroy someone else's prized belongings just to let out your frustrations.
My irrational possessiveness and completely unwarranted violent protection of books has also been spurred. 😅
Or, "as the kids would say", triggered. Lol
When I started drawing when I was 12, I was greatly inspired by a friend who was younger than me and was one of those who was just naturally gifted at art. And when I say this, she was 10 and could already draw a human from any angle and draw very complicated poses. She didn’t need to plan out the drawing, she was able to go straight into without any guidance lines. And her art was good. She was a genius at it. So, because I wanted to draw like that, I started learning a bit later than most artist. When I expressed an interest in with my parents, I was immediately shut down. Hey wanted me to either pursue Tennis, something that I was naturally good at, become a doctor, or a lawyer. They would be little me and tell me that artist don’t get rich until they are dead. But it was something I really wanted to do. I loved designing clothes and wanted to be a fashion designer. But, because of how my parents treated me with art, same with my school, and later my abusive ex boyfriend, I ended up dropping art all together for over 10 years. I just recently got back into wanting to start a comic. But I am so behind in my abilities at art now and I am 31, seeing people who are 18 a heck of a lot better than me and it makes me depressed. Makes me think I will never be good enough at my current age cause those who are my age and kept drawing are loads better than me. I know this has a lot to do with my up bringing and how my ex made me feel ashamed for wanting to do art to control me. (He made me feel ashamed for liking everything I had liked before dating him.) Toxic relationships in general are horrible for you. It hurts even more coming from people who are suppose to love you like your family. Which is why I tell people now, it doesn’t matter if they are related to you by blood. If they make you feel horrible for anything that doesn’t hurt you or anyone else, you need to either have a very serious talk, or walk away and no longer have them in your life. Granted, this is coming from someone who came from an abusive family and relationships.
I now currently have a partner who is very supportive of me wanting to learn art and start a comic.
Edit: I am glad I never went into Tennis, cause it would have ended very early cause I got health problems that make just walking impossible some days and extremely difficult on a normal day. This has been the case since I was 25.
something similiar happened to me w family and relationships. Im still trying to get out of my toxic relationship. Im 21 yet i feel so behind. Only compare yoursef with your past its the only thing that matters. Im starting to learn comic and webtoons as i think this is a good way to tell a story with art. I hope your goals and dreams are fulfilled, and dont forget to enjoy the process. ^^
Aether I know I should only compare my art with my past art. I just get caught up seeing people younger than me who are so much better and it makes me feel horrible that I allowed myself to just drop art all together for as long as I did. Due to this, I stopped using social media for the most part, which I think has helped with just not getting caught up with comparing myself to others, but less distractions as well.
I hope you can manage to break free from your toxic relationship safely and stay safe.
Don't worry about being too old at 31. The benefit of age is that you can now schedule your own learning process much more effectively. Instead of just sitting around doodling what you are inspired to do, as a child does, you can focus on your weaknesses, plan a development strategy for your art style for your Comic project. And no matter how good you are today, consistent and smart work can make you amazing in 2 years, and Godly in 5 years.
I went through the same thing, I'm 36 now and i made a decision to pursue art seriously 3 years ago. It was always a life long dream that never whent away despite life's best efforts. I don't regret a single day of pursuing art, it's been the most frustrating, fulfilling and best thing i could have ever done! Don't let your age or anything else stop you. It's your life and you get to live it any way you want! 😊
Im on the same boat as u. I'm 30 and I only restarted art last year after stopping for more than a decade. It's never too late for us. We can do this!
I literally gasped when I heard about the part of ruining your art book. Those are precious books.
I love how you focused the issue in *relationships* that are toxic instead of people that are toxic. That is crucial, in my opinion. A person can be nice, can be great, but it may be a toxic relationship if you are in one with them.
A nice person + a nice person doesn't always equal a nice relationship.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us
“nice is different than good!”
-Little Red, Into the Woods
That's a very valid point. So often, two good-hearted people just don't mesh well, but feel that whatever's binding them together is worth holding on to. This could lead to a very stale and potentially dangerous relationship for *both* partners, and will need to be addressed.
A Chinese student at my school told me parents won't support a career in the arts until you become successful, then suddenly they will be your biggest fans and will in fact have always supported you from the beginning. It's not so different here in the US at least.
When you win the lottery everybody suddenly wants to become your friend or acts like you've always been the bestest friends. And you meet family you didn't even know you had.
Love this, As a young artist thinking about stuff like this is always scary but hearing someone with experience genuinely talk and give advice about it is comforting
That’s exactly why I share these thoughts - it’s stuff I wish someone told me when I was going through it
I went to University for music, but I have always wanted to do art so I made sure to make time to take art classes. I took painting, still life, and figure drawing. When my parents found out that I would be drawing nude models in figure drawing they are mortified. My parents and my sister said everything they could to dis-way me form taking that class. "Ask your teacher if you can face the other way and not participate! That's a sin to look at that! etc etc." After a few months of taking those art classes I sent my mom a picture of my realism piece. She was floored. It was a picture of an older women lounging in a chair, and of course she was nude. She didn't apologize for what she said to me before, but hearing her thoughts on my piece was enough for me. They have never given thoughts on my artwork before. That was the first time and it felt amazing. Not getting any support before made it hard to keep going. It made me very hard on myself. I have some of that support now and god it makes a world of a difference. Hearing the, "I love it honey!" from my parents makes me want to jump right into another piece. Just a story, thought it was relevant.
I really really , really needed this. I am working in a studio where the Higher up management is so possessive of good artists that they would start to intentionally degrade the artists skills so they won't leave.
I've been burned out, worked extremely long hours, made to feel guilty of asking for leaves and then harassed for thinking of a job change. Its too much emotional and mental pressure for a young artist to take.
I really need some advice on this matter. I know the best thing to do is leave and do what i feel makes me happy but they make it seem so hard to do by forcing upon too much manipulations and emotional distress.
Thank you so much for this video. It felt so relatable.
Hmm - I’ve been actually thinking of doing just such a video during my vacation - it’s a very important topic indeed!
@@AdamDuffArt thank you!
I don't normally share this with strangers, but I can relate to such a high level I can't keep it for myself.
Leave. Now. Before you mental health has to deal with permanent damage. Those people are assholes.
I was in the exact same situation as you back in 2012. I was a young artist and I was insecure about my work. I was degraded and harassed all the time. Management told me nobody else would ever hire me up if I left. Like you, I've burned out and my mind went to very dark places... It lasted 2 years. Until one day I decided to quit. I thought I was making a huge mistake, but believe me it saved me.
I still haven't recovered completely, but my psychiatrist is absolutely positive about one thing : leaving was the good decision, and it's a tough one to make when you're in such distress.
Don't worry, you'll find another job. The world will keep spinning around. Hang on mate!
@@ZeCarnevilCat Thank you so much for this! Hope you are doing good now. It seems its a far bigger topic then i anticipated. I will definitely take your advice and look for the bigger picture. Stay healthy, stay safe! :) :)
As you said you know the best thing to do is leave, you know what you gotta do, just need to do it the smart way. Plan ahead, have savings if things go wrong, if needed, talk to a professional, to important people to you. Good luck my friend, I hope things get solved by your end!
I've had a similar issue with a girl whenever I did figure studies or nudes. She assumed I was the disloyal type because of it... Eventually she ended up cheating on me, so I suppose it's true that people project themselves onto others.
Nobody should have to give up a career they've spent decades building for someone's ego/jealousy.
Wtf, she don’t understand your passion but that’s pretty dumb of her on her part. Good thing u left that crazy chic
@@Badartist888 she was hella conservative and quite self-conscious about herself. Which was pretty silly, considering she was fit and unusually good looking, tbh. But jealousy is hard to deal with, and is often irrational I suppose.
jealousy is a terrible thing. i have a good friend who even got jealous that her partner had married in a video game - not even online with another human player, but in Skyrim, with an NPC. she's apparently gotten a little more relaxed, I hear, lol.
I just happened to stumble along this video and I'm not an artist, but I am a programmer, and I feel respect for people who want to be or who are artists. Do what keeps u happy.
Hey you can be a programmer and a artist.. Like me
Sorry you had to go through that. Schools really need to teach kids how to navigate relationships and what to look for and avoid with intimate partners. Someone who constantly lies, assaults you or destroys your things isn't safe to be around and just isn't a relationship worth trying to salvage.
Your video's are so wholesome. They not only soothe me, but are also healing and inspiring.
As are your comments Marinka, thank you for always being so kind
I was going to write out a long comment about living with two practically-minded older people who see my work and go "ok but what do you DO with that" and how that's been slowly draining my soul but instead I'm just gonna say thank you. Because you helped me realize just now that that IS the problem.
Aryn Bruce omg SAME. There so much more I can say but....yeah, same. I knew it’s been draining my soul but I’m afraid I realized too late and now I’m too broken to do anything. But I know I can get what I had back and move forward. It’s just gonna be a journey.
I really enjoy listening to you while I work. You touch on so many insecurities that I've harbored for so long that I thought that this is just how people live. It's an incredible relief to know that I'm not alone and that I'm not that nuts and that it's alright to talk about these sorts of things. You also have a very relaxing voice. Thank you for your help.
I love to listen to advice like this from artists (and other kinds of people) who have experienced life more than I have. I'm nearing 24 and still feel like a child barely getting out of the kiddie pool. I've never been in a romantic relationship, and I never will, but still knowing about how healthy all kinds relationships should be is valuable.
I relate to this comment so much
I'm not crying, you're crying!
I had a girlfriend once in my early twenties who on one hand really enjoyed art, particularly comics and the whole shabang. But one day she told me after 2 years or so that she doesn't truly believe that I woulnd be able to earn money with this. It wasn't said in anger or to be particularly mean, but within the framework of a conversation about future planning and all that relationship babble that comes with the territory.
Admittedly I was in a difficult time in my life, struggling between rarely attending my classes at art college and working retail just to stay alive.
So I wasn't on a perceivable fast track to where I'd wanted to be.
Still when she uttered that I knew that this wasn't going to be forever.
Not because I need to be pampered and lauded all the time, but because of the fundamental disconnect this presented in the perception of me and how certain situation would turn out.
I could see how one day if earning money with art would be difficult the conversation might surely shift to "getting a real job".
Furthermore, working in a job that didn't fulfill me in the slightest showed me that I could not do this without withering away and spiraling into unhappyness.
This was plan A for me wihtout anything to fall back on to that would help me in any traditional career path.
We broke up a few months after, not merely because of this but for me it certainly stuck and reinforced my feeling that this wasn't meant to last.
Fortunately things turned out pretty well and I've been working creatively for several years now, being able to pay the bills with what I love to do.
While a lot of these points are something I've experienced one way or another, the last one was the one that hit the most
I wasn't the one who was being manipulated, I was the one that was being possessive, and it still pains me to even think that I was that kind of person one point in my life
Being an artist myself, it was very blind of me to not see that the person I cared for was also juggling so many other responsibilities aside from their passion, which was also art. I would put our friendship on the line whenever they decided to deal with their responsibilities rather than spend time with me, or I'd bring up about how jealous I was about their following on their social medias.
One day the friendship just dissolved, gone, and instead of being very angry, I thought that that person made the correct choice.
Even to this day, I would make the same decision they did if I was faced with that situation, just like as Adam said, if your health or safety is not threatened by leaving this person, please consider cutting that relationship.
You and your passion are something that is acknowledged at the start of the relationship, as a partner, or maybe even a friend, I think its very important that WE are the ones that catch them when they fall, that WE are the very people that help them keep their fire for their passion burning, WE are the very environment that will help them become better at whatever their passion is.
On another note, I would like to thank you for bringing this type of content, my view of art surely has changed, but your videos bring something more than just that, more than just being "good" at art (or whatever the hell that means), it brings very important wisdom. Its been months since that happened but I've been trying to change myself and how I treat other people.
To whoever is reading this one hell of a wall of text, I hope you're staying safe and keeping your passion close
Hey thanks bruh
My boyfriend use to randomly call out the time “you know it’s 6pm, right”. Every friggin hour, any artist would understand, when you are in the zone then abruptly interrupted constantly with time checks it’s infuriating. So never got much done and found my energy change from feeling motivated to annoyed and frustrated and usually in tears. I am no longer in that relationship! Adam I felt your pain when you mentioned the knocking at the door every 15 minutes. Great advise Adam. 🙌❤️🦋
21:54 so true. I am so glad i have almost no conflicts anymore in my private life, because i have my own apartment now and my friends are on my wavelength. Overly emotional conflicts really destroy my productivity.
I have a lump in my throat watching this video right now because I've been having issues in my relationship like this for a long time and I know what needs to be done, but I haven't been able to do it.
Hmm, it sounds like you have some tough choices ahead - take your time, last thing you want to do is be impulsive about it (unless it’s painfully obviously toxic)
@@AdamDuffArt You basically hit the nail on the head at multiple points in the video where you talk about being in a relationship with someone who you deeply care about and want them to be happy, but they just don't share your connection when it comes to creativity. I'm definitely not being impulsive since I've been strugglign with whether I want to continue with this for at least a year.
The other point you mentioned that I really related to, and that has been a HUGE thorn in the relationship recently is the whole "knocking at the door every half hour asking if I'm done yet". my girlfriend feels that she's being really accomodating by giving me like an hour to paint in the weekends for example, and will barge in the room where I work repeatedly (almost every 15 minutes at times) and it's so frustrating to try and make her understand that I need to focus, and it's not personal.
@@jordanoneill7052 Hi Jordan, I hope you do not mind me giving my two cents. As Adam says people need to understand how we think. Especially our partners as its them receiving the best and the worst of us. My partner was very clingy. I just like you did not have a lot of space to do my creative work, or games. Or anything for that matter. That changed when we went through a really rough patch where like you I had to see if this is something I wanted to continue. In that time me and my partner took a small break where I wanted to figure out what I want. And in that time she too had to figure out what she wants. What we want our relationship to be like if there were to be one. And from that point on we share a mutual need to have our own space. Me even more then her as my painting and being creative is semi work semi passion. And she is okay with that. We dedicate a day a week where we really spend some time together. And the rest of the week we see each other at night and in the morning. Point of this message is to say that, our partners cannot read what we need. We often expect our partners to be like our parents. As our parents could see what we needed even before we could talk. But that is not the case now, and thus you will have to communicate. If your partner is a great woman. Who besides not understanding the importance of your work is great in every other way I reckon its worth having a good talk with her. She too can benefit from this, and if she does not agree. Well then I suppose you will figure out the next step.
In my opinion we can grow our careers, mental health, heal trauma in and during a relationship. As when we grow in our relationship all else flows along.
@@romarbetc123 Thanks for sharing your experience, yeah I've been through that whole process and we've had periods of ups and downs where we can find a balance for some time but eventually it is always lost, and begins to feel like a never ending cycle, which is why I'm considering ending it all, but it's hard because we've been through periods like you are talking about.
@@jordanoneill7052 Concerning your girlfriend barging in and disturbing you while you work; I had a similar issue with my boyfriend when he started working from home with me. I explained it to him, that I'm like a deep sea diver. Him barging in (even if it was just to say hi or bring coffee) was akin to making a diver surface too quickly, and they get the bends. It takes your creative mind out of the moment, and it can take a long time to get back at a level/'ocean depth', of being comfortable enough to start on art again.
You are the shining light in the darkness. A genuine gem of the art community and I am truly glad to have your content in my life. You help to make us all better people and artists. Thank you for your wisdom today.
i jumped right in when you posted this vid. ngl i missed you adam and your wholesome vids ; u ;;;
Ahh yes...... everytime relationships felt suffocating I wanted to run away from them... I want someone who can just leave me alone when I need to be.. I get anxious when someone is interested in a romantic relationship with me and they want to be with me for too many hours... like ... I don't wanna be lonely ... but I more often than not want to be alone..... it's sad thinking about it I understand they expect me to be like them and not get tired after talking for 10 hours straight but honestly if that's what being in a relationship means sometimes I feel like I'm way better on my own... yet it scares me.
Wow, same here
This is actually really common!!! Nothing's wrong with talking a lot, nothing's wrong with quality over quantity, or even something casual, either. Just be really honest from the START about this and keep an eye out for other people with these preferences-- the thing is, if everybody with this preference keeps quiet and ashamed about it they won't know how to find each other and actually get into those relationships where you have love but also a lot of space!!! Some people who claim they've "given up" or "aren't interested" feel this way and don't show interest until they feel like THEIR kind of interest would be welcome. Some people of course really are just Not Interested. But seriously, don't entirely lose hope. Relationships mean exactly what the person in them needs to thrive and be healthy. People love taking care of both sunflowers and cacti, people love both cats and dogs, people love all kinds of people in all kinds of ways. I'd super recommend either an introvert, workaholic or extrovert that has a lot of other friends and doesn't need to be entertained by an SO all the time (but still appreciates them). Good luck to you and I'm really sorry you've had a rough time so far!!!
this was a great talk. I can definitely relate, For the last few years ive been alone because unfortunately all the women I was meeting took the artist thing as a sort of novelty like they wanted to be a model/muse or something and have no career, they were also artists and were hyper competitive about it or they had some completely boring day job and expected the same from me. Sometimes the best thing for the work is to just accept the solitude that comes with it
I recently divorced my ex wife due to something similar like this. It was completely worth it making that decision.
Thank you Adam, I needed to hear this.
when you were talking about programming, it reminded me of my dad. he can go on an on about computers and machine learning, i don't know what he is saying but I love hearing it because it makes him happy :)
I love hearing people talk about their passions. It's a beautiful thing and even if I don't understand I could listen for hours, because they love it. They love talking about it and doing it and that is precious. No matter the topic.
For example, my hair dresser. She loves talking about all the different places she has worked. She worked in a prison cutting hair for the prisoners for ten years of her life. She goes on and on about how awesome it was. I have no interest in hair styling whatsoever, but seeing her face light up when she gets to talk about it is wonderful. I tried to explain that to my mother in the car one day, it was rough. She didn't understand caring about other people's interests at all, it was foreign to her.
finally! somebody said that what I always tried to tell people we also need to study body as doctor do! at that point it is just a subject to study for us.
Damn.I was jealous at my ex because of this and now I started doing art and I understand her .Well it was mostly my fault and I cannot blame her for leaving me .Her choice was really good.I wish her to be well:)
Music has always been my true passion, but I have a parent who refuses to fund my education if I pursue music. I’m currently studying computer science in college and I frequently wonder if I made the right decision or if I should’ve gone to a music school or pursued music without an education or something. This video was a really nice reassurance that I am doing the right thing
Each person's situation is different and we will have to solve our problems in different ways. What matters more is that no matter what u do, don't loose site of what is important to u n when u find the opportunity to work on it, take it
Let your heart lead you! X
Keep going and regret nothing! You made your decision to study computer science because in that moment it was the best decision you could reason with the information you had and being who you were at the time.
I’m learning that it’s really important to connect with others who accept you for who you are and can encourage you in the areas in which your loved ones tear you down. I have 2 close friends who do, but I’m still searching for others, who are also doing the things I want to do.
You may be able to change your major later, or learn music through other avenues. But when you are ready, take the leap and it will happen. It’s time when it’s time. ❤️
You still have time! While you're studying computer science - which is great - look for ways you can get into music part time, whether its instruments, production singing I'm sure there's opportunities around you, even college societies you can join. Trust me its never too late, especially while in college
You can still have fun with music in computer science! Look up DAWs and MIDI. Video games need music too. Classes may be boring but maybe it'll open opportunities you never thought possible! Best of luck to you
I wish I had known this like...10 years ago. Journaling and having life-changing discussions with very important friends brought me to a new way of thinking. Thank you Adam.
Considering situation in my country... I wouldn't allow my kids to pursue career in Art. However, alongside of them pursuing something that can actually bring them money, I'd provide them with as much time and space and resources to pursue Art in their free time as I can and I'd even help them find ways to monetize it. If they proved that they are part of the minority that can make actual profit from their Art, then I'd even support them switching to Art career full time. But in our environment... putting Art as your primary pursuit will leave you bankrupt (unless you are both talented and really lucky).
Damn the title hits hard
Sounds like it’s hitting a nerve!
First, I want to say thank you for making a video on such a difficult topic, Adam.
Though, in my life, so far, I've encountered the opposite problem? As far as art is related, anyway.
I've talked to my parents about going to art school and, though they were reluctant at first, they slowly warmed up to the idea; now they're completely ok with it. But, I don't know if I want to anymore?
I do want to make art my job and I work my buns off everyday to get better; hell, I spent the first two months of quarantine working 8 hours a day on my artwork (now I'm back at work so can't really spend as much time with my trusty tablet, sadly). My point is, I'm positive that art is something I need to create a lot of in my life, and my parents are supportive, but I stop myself because I feel like I will never be good enough? Because going to art school is a waste of money since everything I've learned so far has been self-taught and I feel like I could keep going for years like this? Because even if I make money right now, I will never be able to pay for my entire tuition (France isn't as bad as the US, but it's still pretty awful, here, haha), especially if I need to pay rent because I live so far away from the schools? Because I feel like everything's been given to me on a silver plate ever since I was born and I feel like life should be harder so I get anxious about the smallest things, and I stress out and I panic and then I feel ungrateful to my parents because I never feel good and god, I'm such a mess.
Honestly, there's just so much on my mind, constantly, and god do I feel like I'm complaining and I hate that. I feel like my life doesn't really make sense, without art. I don't know if this sounds depressing or not, and I should probably seek therapy considering how I feel and the many psychological problems I know I have but... I've been raised in a house where you just "suck it up" which is completely contradictory to the mindset I see in the communities I take a part in on internet so, I just feel lost...
This must be the fourth or fifth time that I type out a comment on one of your videos and everytime they end up being so depressing, haha. I promise it's not your fault, I'm just a mess of a person. :')
Well, anyway, I don't know if this kind of comment belongs here but if I don't post this one, I probably never will so. There I go!
The problem with "Just suck it up" is that eventually you get so full of crap it starts to poison you and you just can't do it anymore. It's normal to be confused. Maybe do that thing where you make a list about what is the good side or the negative side and see if that helps to clarify your thinking. It's not shameful to change your mind. As you grow and get more experience and knowledge in life it changes how you look at things. And if you can find someone you trust to talk to that might also help. Be kind to yourself(sometimes the hardest to do)
@@stephaniebelenets2666 Thank you for your kind words. I have more or less come to terms with the fact that art school isn't for me, for now.
Making lists doesn't work a lot for me though as I get stuck in the same thinking patterns and inevitably circle back to my initial, inquiring, state, haha.
Just doing my best to maneuver myself through life, though!
Thank you, again, I hope you are doing well yourself!
You have a very fantastic ability to communicate to (people ); to fellow artists; much love and thank you for your clear insights! God bless you sir!
The one art talk we couldn't draw to
Thank you so much for your guidance, Adam
Oh my god, this is what i needed to hear, especially about artist privacy
you talk on the toxic relationships resonates with me greatly as for many years of my adult life i was in a toxic relationship myself. i made the decision to walk away not that long ago after i realized that it wasn't worth giving up everything i love and enjoy for one person who no longer made me feel like i was a valued partner.
Thanks for sharing this, Adam. I just had a talk with my only real art friend. It's a whole new world compared to non-art practical career people. Gave me so much hope. Talk to the right people. Not that others are "wrong", just that they aren't the perspective you need as an artist.
Compromise until you can fly on your own. I learned this in my life as well. Artistic since 3, was going to art college, parent's "practicality" kicks in, I go to nursing school, couldn't sell too much of my soul for other's practicality, became a property manager and pursued an art degree whilst on a desk job. I'm now freelancing for clients that love and care for their work. It's not easy, but try to communicate. The journey is the process and the process teaches us; it's the fun part. At the end of it all, we set off on a new journey. And it never ends. :) We keep learning, and we can all do it together.
Ive been trying to get my love for art back, but i dont know if thats possible, ive been in a bad relationship for quite some time, where in the past i was scolded for putting so much time into art, not responding and such. With time i just stopped drawing and painting, as i didnt want to hear over and over again of how im being a bad person for putting time to art, even when they compliment my work, even when they keep telling me to draw more, that doesnt change that ive already been scolded for giving time for it. Now im afraid to give time for painting or drawing, as thats still in the back of my head that i am putting too much time on it even if im gone drawing for 5 minutes at a time, i feel like im being pulled between two options in my life
Good talk man. I have been there more than a few times with each of your examples. It's hard to see in the moment that you are better off without them, but creative life flourishes when it's unchained.
Extremely wise words Adam. They resonate so much over my past... every single word. I end up numb... blocked and depressed... Thank you for sharing and caring for others around. Thank you for your "father advice". Take care as well. #dreamsareunstoppable
Your videos always touch a raw nerve that only lived experience and perseverance can provide. I love how you bring in such a balanced and nuanced way of navigating life experiences and finding a space to create art.
Truly, this 30 min passed by without me even noticing. Love your videos, keep up the good work!
Thank you for opening this conversation because it’s important that we acknowledge the toxic patterns that might lead to unhealthy relationships.
It’s not the fault of the people per se. it’s just an unfortunate situation because both may carry unhealed childhood trauma, pain and suffering.
It is very devastating when someone who claims to love you cannot understand or support your artistic journey.
What I know now is that… They’re blocked from their own creativity too.
Keep going and creating fella artists. 👩🏼🎨🖼⚡️
After highschool I did a two year ilustration course, it wasnt an official thing, just something local, small. I'll finish this month and my parents wanted me to go to college just for the sake of getting an official diploma, I wanted to study art from home with online courses and keep working on my portfolio, we debated for months, my father had a lot of anxiety and it was kinda uncorfortable. After delivering I decided to listen to them and be positive about, this september (if lucky) I go to college to study english literature.
My past self would be pissed but after thinking its not that bad: I get four years of security, four years where I can develop my art in my spare time, I also love both reading and english so Im not gonna be depressed there.
Thanks for the video, a part of me was still resentful after making that decision, this has helped me :)
It can definitely get lonely for us artists... But it's nice to hear that doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Thanks for sharing your perspective Adam!
Honestly I rarely watch what you are drawing even tho it is amazing, i just love listening to you talk while making art for my game
this video was how i found you last year, and honestly your talks saves me from further crushing myself further from my toxic thoughts, even relationships, and i cant thank you enough for sharing this, and other wonderful talks. i love how you discuss and share your thoughts, and you have this calming voice thats not too demanding (like commanding or so) that made me rather pressured. all in all, please continue to do this, i love listening to your talks while doing work. it calms my nerves as an art student, i truly feel all of the topics you've discussed. cheers, Adam!
Ahh, I needed this so much - especially in that time when I was asking myself so many questions about relationships last time. Thanks Adam
I was stuck in a kind of hard relationship with a friend of mine that was as toxic for me as for her.
We were friends for some years, we became really close friends since last summer, I eventually quickly fell in all love, I didn't to be in a love relationship with her as she was already in a relationship with a friend of mine and to me it would have been weird, but I ended up telling her just to move on with my love feelings. I thought I did good telling her but tis move started months of depression, self bashing my own art, didn't even want to draw/paint.
She broke up with her boyfriend not so long after I told her about my feelings (those 2 moments were not related). She was sad, and even I had feelings for her, she was first and foremost one of my closest friends so I helped stand back up. She was not nice with me, she bashed me verbally regularly and eventually sometimes she was realising I was helping her as hard as I can and bas nicer. I assumed her bad mood was temporary due to her breakup.
Months passed, I kept always supporting her, the more I was nice with her, the more bored and harsh she became of me.
I was losing my friends cause of her telling them how annoying, boring and stupid was.
The more bad I felt about that, the more I was trying to tell her as I expected her to support me as I always tried to support her. But no, she was putting me even further down, calling me a crybaby who annoys people when I get sad. And I was forgiving her, finding her reasons and even assuming she was maybe right and that I was maybe a bad friend, depressed guys, crybaby, and boring dude.
At this point I wasn't even doing art anymore, I spent most of my time, worrying, crying, hating myself and everything I could do.
My others few close friends (people that were friends with her) were helping me to get better and realising she was toxic to me, while she was saying that I was toxic to her and I should be better. Always saying that our friendship was on the line due to my behaviour. I was dependant of her, was helping her with everything, always there when she was in a bad situation, I was doing her favours she was asking me almost every weeks.
Then eventually made my 8years old group of friends explode, one of them think I'm a shot and I don't talk to the others anymore.
I took some distances with her since this moment, I was able to make art again, to feel better in my life. The problem is I did that too late, and after almost a year enduring that, I was pretty much lost all my friends. This relationship made sacrifice a while in my art journey and forced me to end up being completely alone. Now I try to restart my life all again, I'm optimistic now and I totally believe I'll end up to get back on track with my life one day.
Guys, when you start to doubt, act. Don't wait hoping things will get better eventually like I did. It ruined me so much and it was so hard to finally get out of this depression.
I doubt anyone will read this entirely, but it feels good to let it all out freely for the first time.
Be safe everyone, hope you get to enjoy your life, have fun and I wish you the best. Love you all :)
aaaaaah you're back I've been waiting for your video for so long so I just clicked within micro seconds as soon as I saw this video nice to have u back ❤️❤️❤️❤️ love your art and work always
Lol, I hope you didn’t hurt yourself clicking too fast! Either way, thank you, I hope you enjoyed it
@@AdamDuffArt aaaah ofcourse your videos are always so useful and calming your videos are the best thing to listen to when I'm havin a bad day (which I am today) and I get into a good mood automatically listening to u so thank you for being yourself and all the help you offer to all us troubled artists and yes I did smack my head on the like button lol ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I love to draw but the last few years i was in a very toxic relationship and stopped drawing nearly completely. After this relationship i was able to focus again on what i love and slowly i can draw again and be happy while doing it. A big help is another artist i met, who shows me, that I am great the way i am and motivates me to keep drawing and be proud of everything i do, because with every piece an artist gets better.
Thank you Alan for your Videos, they are a great help to understand all the feelings some might help in regards of drawing.
I disagree about "absence makes the heart grow fonder." I think that something like parents keeping you away from doing art professionally or dealing with a full-time or even part-time job only grows resentment for the things holding you back and/or self-hatred for not being accepted by society for wanting to do art.
I respectfully disagree. There is always a way if you want it. For me, we didn't have the money to send me to art school so I dropped out in the first semester and enrolled in a cheaper alternative which was drafting, the school was government-owned so it was way cheaper. In the first few years, I flunked at school because of resentment and overall loss of passion.
One summer I officially made a decision to try out digital art. so I worked my ass off and applied to a call center, I earned enough money to buy a cheap surplus japan laptop that was probably released around 2001 it couldn't run photoshop or Sai, in fact, it couldn't run any painting software besides Microsoft paint and the built-in test painting software from a cheap drawing tablet(It was Chinese I can't remember the brand since this happened 9 years ago). I made it work, I quit my job after buying what I need to get a head start. My parents forced me back to school but I kept flunking, It was at that time when I once introduced to league of legends and discovered splash art. I kept flunking in school and overall just dropped it. I sucked up all the criticisms and shaming(Asian family) and dedicated to pursue art. At this point, I managed to convince my parents to buy me a laptop instead of paying for my tuition.
This was a breakthrough since I was able to finally download photoshop and started painting in a higher resolution. I managed to get clients slowly from commissions online. It was a turning point and I was so happy. However, the criticisms never stopped, I persisted and watched a ton of youtube videos understanding the industry inside and out. It was a lot of work and all-nighters.
Years later I managed to meet my boss who offered me an office job as an in house artist. Until we were forced to stop operations due to COVID, I was lucky to prepare back up plans and managed to survive through commissions and now working as a full-time illustrator for a creative company.
I am still working as an artist now but not in the video game industry, however I draw for commissions when I can. I'd say I'm in the best position I have ever been my entire life. I combine both necessity and passion. You just gotta keep moving and learning.
TLDR; I was in the same position as you before and have managed to push through by sheer stubbornness and grit. I am now in the best position of my life where I am free and very happy despite the things I have been through.
The real danger of leaving your passion for later, when you have enough money saved up, is that life changes you. You easily become that stop gap career you picked, especially if it's prestigious or well paying, and it becomes hard to leave it behind for some fanciful artist life you dreamed of when you were younger.
@@queertales Get a job that is close to being an artist. Business is also included since technically the principles are the same. you need to balance both. If you're a doctor and you want to be an artist. you pretty much nailed down Anatomy. Basically, forge your life to what you want it to be. It's up to you in the end.
Not all wanderers are lost.
wow, i clicked on this video because i thought the ilustration looked cool and i wanted to see how you made but... after hearing 10 seconds of what you were talking about i ended up watching and listening to everything and didn't even look at the drawing, this was exactly what i needed and wanted to hear, i didn't expect that this would turn out to be this deep but i'm happy it did.
i can't thank you enough for making this video.
Well that was the 'too close to home' emotional ride that I needed at midnight before i have to go to work the next day. 💚
You talk about a fortune teller in the video. Adam. You just became a fortune teller with this video and it's what I didn't want to hear. But it's true and you communicated it perfectly. Seriously the best.
Hi Adam, don't know if you gonna read this but I've been struggling with this issue all my life. I have a very conservative parents, specially my father (oldschool policeman) and he never accepts that I decided to live a life out of the security of a full time contract standard job. He always bullied me when I was young to the point that not my mind, but my body breaks in a certain point. I was a martial arts trainer and I was working in 3 gyms at once and stuying sports when I was 18 and it never was enough because I didn't choose the kind of life they want me to choose so I totally collapse and then, became type 1 diabetic. After that experience and being lost for a couple years, I rediscovered art and I took that career with all my passion. This time I don't listened to my parents as I did when I was young so in my 30's I had to pass through the same constant pressure and comptemt, even when everybody was thinking I could be a good artist. Then, the money of my first commisions came, but that's the point I want to reach: to a person who is not understanding you as a human being and is stubborn and stucked in a short-vision of the world you will never be good enough, even if I manage to live wealthy with my art, this kind of people always focus on the negative side. With time, I've learned to ignore other people's expectations for you and stay away from toxic people. Sorry if it's too personal to share here but this video really resonates with me and I wanna spill it out, if anybody was being though the same. Cheers mate, take care and happy painting for you too
I'm one of the passion skill first, practical skill second artists, though I immediately jumped into self teaching coding a month after finishing a game art degree. The last class I took was taught by someone who runs a successful small indie game studio and she basically stressed the importance of having a combination of practical and creative skills. Knowing basic programming and having a game art portfolio means that now I can get a decently paying job almost anywhere in the country even if I can't get a game studio job in an expensive state or city. And if I do get a job in an expensive state or city in art and get laid off after a short time, I can jump over to doing a programming job instead of working at a grocery store barely paying my bills. Or you can combine the two and create an indie game, which could be a form of passion and practical meeting in the middle. Even if the game fails, you now have both more pieces in in your art portfolio AND an app for your programming portfolio.
This is crazy! I just left a relationship exactly like this. It's not easy but it's the best thing you can do for yourself not just as an artist but really for your mental wellbeing. I'm in a more priveleged situation given I finally earn enough as an artist to be able to support myself and not have to worry about making rent which is sometimes why people are trapped in bad relationships. I hope anyone that's in this sort of relationship can break free from it, it won't be all rainbows in the beginning steps of separation but in the end you will have made the right move.
Hey I love your art work and your videos I just wanted to say that your advice have helped me through some very hard times
Aww, well I’m very reassured to hear that, thank you :)
Hey Adam, your videos help me in a lot of ways. Sometimes I watch them when I drink my coffee in the morning to get motivated to draw. But sometimes I find myself coming to your channel to calm my anxiety at night. Your stories, everything you talk about, the music... I love your channel and your art, thank you so much.
P.s I'm view number 50k lol
Thank you so much for pointing out the culture differences, many people advice to just do what you want without taking those things into regard. I'm a woman from a middle eastern culture and rebelling against your parents like some other cultures is really not tolerated. Even now, 27 years of age, with a degree and an office job, I would not dare to tell my mother that I am practicing art and posting it with the intention of turning it into a career. She has never accepted creativity even as a hobby when I was child, let alone as a possible career
Thank you for making this video. The music and your voice are very soothing. I know this is coming from a place of wisdom and love. It can be so hard to pursue our passions when those around us, even those who love us make it so difficult. It can be hard to explain to those who haven't experienced it but for those that have, I think we instantly understood the types of relationships you mention, from parents who love us and want us to be able to be self-sufficient and get by in the world without suffering, to partners who may love us as people but still can not fully understand our passions and are resentful of the time our passions demand. These things don't make our loved ones bad people, but it can create strained relationships. It is very important to make connections with others that can be encouraging. It is important to place value on your own mental well-being. It is also important to weigh your responsibilities and consequences. Thank you for making such a well thought-out video.
I've found time to be one of the most difficult issues to navigate. I have been in a toxic relationship where they felt the need to control how I spent my time and would also get angry whenever I received positive feedback on my art (or for anything else for that matter.) Even in a general sense, it can be difficult to meet people that are also supportive or at least able to respect that you need some time for yourself every so often.
Man. This is so on point for me. Im once again stuck in a relationship just like this. Not the first time. Only this time im taking care of this womans 4 kids as well. Havnt really gotten to be able to work on serious art in over 3 years. Only quick sketches and digital stuff. I live in an ever agonizing spiral of interuptions.........i had just found a happy place in my life when I met her............im going to end up brreaking 5 hearts.
I've been growing frustrated with my spouse, who is working from home during quarantine. I know that in his office he has people he can talk to, so it feels natural to him to come into the room where I'm working and make small talk once or twice an hour. But I really wish he would just leave me alone and let me work. I'm glad I'm not the only one with this problem. I imagine quarantine has put a lot of people in this position.
With regards to relationships In my experience whether you're doing anything as a career or as a hobby, the most important thing you need to look for in a partner is someone who has an interest in what you're doing even if they don't do it themselves or someone who can understand having a passion for something. If your partner can't understand why you want to spend so much time doing what you love in the end it will cause problems. Usually they will either think you're just wasting your time or become jealous and think that you value your job/hobby more than them. Some people always believe there must be a purpose to what you're doing, like there should always be an end product or something to gain from the time you're spending and that's not always the case. Most people who have a passion for something in life spend time doing it for the act itself and not for what will come out of it, although that's obviously part of it too.
A quick example, when I was a kid I used to love fishing but almost never caught anything, my friends couldn't understand why I spent entire days doing it without catching a fish and so thought I was wasting my time. That was because they didn't and couldn't understand why I enjoyed fishing. To them the point of fishing was to catch fish but to me it wasn't, I enjoyed the whole process just as much as catching the fish.
I think having someone who can understand is key in a relationship. Usually it's a lot easier for people to understand when they also have their own passion in life. You don't need to both be into the same thing but it definatley will help if they also have a passion for their own thing.
Relationships are obviously a fine balance with a lot of give and take. If you're selfish and just expect your partner to fit in around you that's also not going to work, but if someone is constantly making you feel like you need to choose between spending time with them or doing what you enjoy then it's a bad sign.
When it comes to art it's also good to remember that there's a large amount of people that never get to do it as a job, the creative industry is extremely difficult to get into and a lot of artistic skill and luck is needed. This means it can end up putting even more strain on a relationship, as not only do you have a day job filling your time but also a hobby you want to spend a lot of time on evenings and weekends too.
Brilliant video dude.
My ex didn't like me doing art either.
It takes years to get the art business set up and he hated how much time I spent trying to make things work.
the only reason I tried to make money with art was that he said I was worthless because I made no money.
When I make sales, I'm still worthless.
told him to move onto someone he didn't see as worthless, he wasn't too happy with that but now I have peace.
This reminds me so much of things my father said:tm:
"You should not pursue art, you should pursue a career that earns you a lot of money so you can support an artist who does art."
Like, That's an interesting level of screwed up considering I was someone who was really good at drawing from early on/ was a natural at it, but this made me stop pursuing art, and now I'm behind everyone my age :|
But somehow it's only a "waste of talent" if you don't pursue science when your grades are good.
I'm sorry. I understand how this is. It sucks when you put your passion on hold for others and then when you want to get back into it you feel like you have lost a lot of time that you can't get back. We may not be able to go back in time and reclaim that time but we can start now and prevent further time from being lost. Don't compare yourself to others. Compare your present skill to your past skill. You will likely notice improvement. If you continue working towards your goal you will improve. Doing something for your own happiness is important.
science? science is less appreciated than art. When your grades are good people expect you to become a medical doctor or a lawyer.
I'm so sorry you had to go thro so many toxic dynamics... Thank you so much for sharing all of this, Even when remembering these things can hurt and it takes effort to get thro it and get the point across. Thank you !!!! You are the best
Hugely beneficial advice . As an artist for all of my adult life I’ve had similar experiences that you speak of on my journey .
Love your content 🙏
This videotalk is abnormaly accurate.
Interesting how everyone goes through it, and has to live with it somehow.
99% of them will never be understood by those around him.
How he is alone and mostly encounters misunderstanding from others - and that the price of doing this is far greater than others realize.
Same as great point in this video, about independence.
How more emphasis and pressure is placed on you head, with each major step foward.
I had different periods when I wanted to stop painting because of people. But it's me, my life.
But in the end, I feed a family - a partner - a woman, I pay the bills. And I have a life like everyone else.
But my surroundings will never understand that this is my job - that I am far more busy than they are. But no one will understand, because I'm the one sitting at the computer at night and just sitting.
Many thanks for this video, in my soul I'm glad it's not just about me - but that others see it that way
I wish you all the best for the future, good luck in ur way
- in ur life
@artofpetrbohacek
omg this was exactly what I needed. So great ❤ I cry watching all your videos and it shows me so clearly what kind of partner I should be looking for. I feel at home here thank you ❤
Love this video so much, specially the second part. Thanks for sending along this message.
On another note, gods messing with my art stuff or materials is the quickest way to make my blood boil. My body moves on it's own before I can think so I don't recommend it. Someone nearly got slapped once because of it. In your situation I'd be PISSED. And leave. After saying some things. Though I'm generally forgiving of accidents, if not still annoyed anyway, and I've laughed my ass off at someone who destroyed a drawing I did for them out of hatred :') but yeah, emotional, very much lol
really touching ...moved me deeply!!!
Great video as always, love to listen to you ❤️ I am very lucky and grateful to have a boyfriend who is very understanding and supportive and even encourages me to take time to do my art. And also my parents always supported and helped me financially while studying design. The only thing blocking me sometimes is myself; my self doubt and fear that I'll never be good enough or satisfied with what I do. Your videos are some of the things that motivate me to keep going
I'm at the 9 minute mark and already love the concept of this video. However, it also makes me wish that it had some kind of translation or subtitles as my parents aren't native english speakers. I want to share this video with them, but I don't think that they would understand the entirety of it due to the langauge barrier. Still tho, great video and message. Life sometimes forces you to at first do some things that you don't necessarly want to do, in order to secure yourself. But then again, nothing stops you from accomplishing your passion at a later date when you are a bit more free and self-reliant. Eitherway, it takes time and patience.
So thank you very much for sharing this. Especially for younger folks like me, who do not necessarly know what to do, or feel stuck in a path that they do not necessarly want to pursue
Hey Adam, thank you for everything that you provide. Your wisdom helps us all, and certainly for me has helped me recognize flaws in myself, which I have to get a grip on. I'm an aspiring artist soon to go to college, and your knowledge that you provide is definitely helping guide me on a good path. Thank you, for it all, your wholesomeness is calming, and these videos help a lot of people. Have a great day, and hopefully a great year. ^u^
Ahhhhhh I love you, I was in a relationship like the last example, I left it but this helped me make peace with that decision and what went down. Thank you Adam 💕💕💕💕
I have been through this man. I am divorced now, after 14 years together, but I really realize with your speech that she really wasn't for me, neither I was the right person for her.
I still remember at the start of our relation that one day she asked me "why do you have all these pictures of nudes women?"...Yes and not only women, but she didn't really cares. She was in fact way more interested by the money I could do.
And I did some, but even when I worked on some famous movies, she wasn't interested by what I was creating. Yeah, 14 years togethers and she never stood behind my shoulder to enjoy the projects I was working on. She was only there when I asked her to "have a look"...And of course she wasn't really satisfied of what she saw.
On the other point of life, it was nice...But unfortunately, bad luck and a lack of contracts on my side slowly nibbled our relation. And it ended badly.
Today I try to reconstruct, and I feel way better. But I have to say that once again, one of your video helped me to perfectly "understand" a point in my life.
THANKS!!
Im on a kind of that situations u talked about... i feel like my GF is not that apasionate as me with my "dream job". Its not only about my "job", its about when i talk about games, desing, programing etc... shes not a bad person a at all, but my heart breaks a little when she just drop her eyes to her phone on a conversation, or get distracted when im talking and i need to say "u know?" every time i see her not paying enough atention, not the atention i would pay for her. Shes kind of an artist btw, she paints with oil and canvas. Im triying to be a game developer (and all that goes with it). She feels dizzy every time she play 90% of games too, what makes our free time hard for me as a gamer. I had to complementary play or talk about games with a friend of her (female) that made me think about my realtionship again. I dont really know what to do because we were living together almost 2 years till now, and COVID forced us a bit to go with our parents again, and try to focus about ourselves for a while... I would be happy to hear any suggestions or comments because I do really apreciate her, but i dont know if this realtionship will be good for me in a long term...even if she dont do it on purpose. I love ur reflexive videos btw, kep it :D.
I think you need to acknowledge this, hang in there, you can get through it :) www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/being-on-honest-on-a-date/
Now I understand the comment "I felt this"
I actually felt this
Fantastic video Adam. Really lovely way to start my day off. Six hours of happy painting, writing and drawing to come. Cheers
i was thinking about rewatching this yesterday,yet it just showed up today
Very deep conversation, that I needed to hear. You spoke of nothing but the absolute truth💯👊🏾
wow, I feel very lucky to be with someone who is incredibly interested in my passion for art and wants to help me succeed within it.
I come from a background that supports practical careers n I was following that for quite a while. My parents in particular didn't necessarily force me, but they guided my through taking a practical career n to keep art as a hobby, mainly cuz our society doesn't support art as much as others n we saw it as the most logical decision n I was convinced.
It wasn't until I found myself staying in a separate environment different from where I grew up that I saw all the possibilities n that was when I couldn't stop lying to myself anymore of what I really wanted. Safe to say my family were quite concerned with the sudden shift I wanted to make in my future career half way through my college years in the medical field n most of my family members wanted me to reconsider, but I had to convince them that what I wanted to do isn't impossible.
I think the best thing I did or still continue to do in my situation is simply convincing them n showing them what art is capable of n also allowing them to participate in little quizzes and activities. I would continue to show them my drawings; I show them works I made n for them to take their time to analyze and make sense of it however they can. Basically, I'm trying to expose them to this thing that may have not made much sense to them before.
Safe to say, my family aren't able to see things or feel things the way I do, but they appreciate my skills n were willing to hear me out n were willing to understand. Despite the diverse ideals n ways of thinking, I think it helps to have people around you that may not necessarily see things the way u do but they show a different perspective on things that could be really helpful n they are ready to hear u out as well.
I'm really love my family for that n I'm truly blessed to have them in my life.
It's kinda an emotional reaction but I clicked on this video because I was kinda interested in what you would have to say. Since I've dealt with people kinda questioning my choice of studying art after something else so I can maybe still do art in my future career possibly as a part-time job or smth like that I kinda started to cry because it was something I needed to hear. I really liked your opinion in that video, thank you for creating this video and raise awareness to that topic as well, especially because usually others talk about toxic people and not that much about toxic relationships that kinda cross your life decisions.
I really appreciate your comment on computer science being a creative endeavor. I'm primarily a programmer and not many people understand the creativity that goes into it. It's a weird mix of art and science which, in my experience, leads to a lot of the same kinda things that I hear from artists, especially burnout. You'd be surprised by how many of your videos about hardships as an artist apply to my experience as a programmer.
Adam, you are the teacher that I aspire to be. Thank you.
Hearing this was kinda hard. I guess for the fact I use to ignore those behaves in people I cared for. Them saying want I wanted to be (an animator) is a bad idea and continuously shooting it down, even though they were artist themselves. I thought cutting them out to be more me was wrong for so long, even tried going back to them once. Hearing this video really helps reassure that was not a bad thing to do, or I was a bad person for leaving.
21:41 ah man, been there too a few times. Wasn't expecting to well up hearing that.
YOU'RE THE BEST ADAM
Nice Video as always. I guess i can consider me lucky. I'm in a great relationship with a Woman who doesn't care much about comic art but tries to give me my space and supports me even when it means having little time for her and the kids and even when it means having less money since i rather spend time on art than doing more hours at work. Doesn't mean it doesn't het challenging now and then andnit took some time but i have to admit i am very lucky!
This is so spot on to an experience I had. This person has narcissistic personality traits. Very likely borderline personality disorder. It destroyed my ability to make art. Soul-crushing.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you. ♡
thank you so much for making these videos, they get me in my creative zone and make me just so relaxed. thank you so much
20:50 😹😹😭 RELATABLE!! WHY are Art pencils so difficult to sharpen QUICKLY??! Some pencils are better if you cut them at the slant and that takes FOREVER! I’m glad you got out of that relationship because yeah, that was Definitely toxic.