The Mathematics of Marriage: Predicting Divorce (John Gottman)
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- čas přidán 12. 03. 2014
- University of Washington professor of psychology Dr. John Gottman can tell if a marriage is doomed. After 14 years of studying 650 couples with the aid of videotape and sensors, Gottman needs only a half hour with a couple to predict with 90 percent accuracy whether they will stay married. Upon Reflection host Ross Reynolds engages in a fascinating conversation with Gottman about the warning signs of relationship problems and his techniques for integrating mathematics into marriage research.
Make sure you marry your best friend. I did. 33 years now. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. No kids. We built a life together.
This man's research will continue to help generations. So thankful to CZcams for keeping it alive and attainable! These videos have been an integral part to saving our marriage💖
Wow! What an amazing and insightful interview, even now 22 years later. Dr. Gottman is brilliant.
Engaged? Watch this!
I love John Gottman and his work, but wow, what a wonderful interviewer! Eloquent and insightful as much as the interviewee.
Thank you for this video.
Loved this interview. Beautiful truthful message.
Dr. Gottman is brilliant! I give my clients his videos and I always get wonderful feedback. I love the data behind the Gottman Couples Therapy Model, I use this model with my clients and this model is very "teachable" as John mentions in the video.
This is a must watch for couples! It’s great that this interview is already online.
I'll stay with my wife threw arguments,finical issues, if she gained wait or developed depression ect.. However if I'm cheated on, lied to and mis treated I will walk away for ever
No matter how miserable you are, only cheating will send you away? What if she never showed you any attention or was emotionally unavailable to you? Still stay?
king nick what you say is valid... I had to watch Ester Perel to find out why people cheat and of healing is possible.
Enlightening! Create a shared system of meaning. Communicate disagreements in a gentle way without attacking your partner.
The third period of high risk is when the marriage hits the 10 year mark for Social Security benefits and the fourth is when the high earners starts their retirement income
Appreciate this sharing. TQ.
Very comprehensive study
This is one of the best most insightful information I have ever heard about marriage ❤️
great interview (interviewer and interviewee)
I wish I knew you before next month will be ours 50th anniversary. Oh boy I went through a-lot. I know for sure if our families they here was easier. But wish you were around sooner. Thanks
Wonderful interview.
This interview is life changing.
Watching in 2020: So concrete and pithy! Gottman's advice applies even to singletons and siblings.
Thanks
How can I use his equation and try it ?
Brilliant
Blink brought me here
Ive been listening to Gottman since my boyfriend cheated on me. And we made the decision to continue and make it work, but i now the sense of mistrust will not go away and when im alone i feel miserable. I guess i expect him to be more empathetic and apologetic about what he did. But it didnt really happen. So at this point not sure what to do.
Do deserve better.. girl
You can't make good wine from bad grapes. The principles of a healthy relationship only work if both parties are committed to them. Instead of pondering why he might behave a certain way, ask yourself what drew you to him and how you can spot and avoid those type of men in the future.
Been awhile since you commented. Hoping things are better for you
i would say all the things he mentioned to solve ups and downs of marriage couldn't really work as it said . relationship is just an imaginary line connection b/n the participant which means u don't have to have a gr8 personality to stay in relationship. meaning every human has some "good/bad" inborn character . those characters dependent on how we translate it over the course of time which is different from person to person. during relationship for some it seems okay, for others it shocks. just like that. so in my opinion it's all about how we perceive the character of our partner that makes the relationship good or bad.
Great youtube!
Im here for homework
Eric Barker brought me here
Our therapist has tried to get Gottman into our relationship, but it doesn't work with someone with neurosis like my wife. She is high in conscientiousness, and neurosis, low in openness, agreeableness and extroversion. This therapy depends on two people who can view their actions objectively, it holds no hope for a neurotic individual. I've studied so much in the past 2 years, and she has done nothing...talk about contempt! ...the writing is on the wall, she just has no clue that she put it there!
I hear you. I find it unfortunate that he puts a lot of the emphasis on men. As a male, it is my female partner who does the eye rolling and non-listening/stonewalling, etc. he should say 'it is the person who ...', rather than 'guys do this or that'
Phil Shields 101 I agree, Phil. I (a straight woman) have worked with women like your wife and have found that, wherever I've worked, there have ALWAYS been more rude/unkind females. RARELY did I ever have difficulties with my male colleagues. Some women just love conflict and drama. I can honestly say that I have not had a REAL female friend for DECADES. "No thanks" to counterfeit fellowships. 😂
I hope you have some peace now. ✌🏼 ...or have some SOON.
@@lemostjoyousrenegade I agree! Being non gender specific, an unfortunate indicator is how an individual talks about ALL relationships in their lives (employer, family, friends) if they focus on the negative traits of those relationships, the spouse will eventually be added onto the list. Some people are naturally critical and problem focused whereas some are conscientiously critical but.. SOLUTION focused. Without a good ear both can sound like the same conversation.
I'm hoping you are divorced and happier now, or that for some miraculous reason your wife had a major epiphany and drastically changed.
So that means the group with kids has a higher divorce rate in the long run, right?
Thank effing God his wife isnt here talking all over him and hogging the mic
"i want you to go upstairs and kill that boy"..... LOL!!!
in my opinion no one should be get marry .
problem solve
And that’s why it’s your opinion
Why ALWAYS "men"/ "husbands" are singled out FOR BLAME ??!!
No balanced view
Prejudicial views
Is NOT "scientific"
I haven't heard him say or support men/husbands ??
Men/Husbands are the household leaders. And no, this is not about patriarchy against feminism. This is about marriages failing, and the blame has to go to the leader first. Women can't say that they have no blame, because they do, they need to contribute for peace. However, ultimately, the man has to find a way, and desperately look for solutions to make this work.
@@pianosonata5029 You're talking about a very traditional household, women in marriage today hold most of the power in my estimation, men like to to think they do😉
I learned these skills years ago and I have learned so much more the second time around. 🙂 Thank you for keeping this on line. Janice Hutchins ⛸️