The Common Habit That's Bad For Development
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- čas přidán 26. 09. 2023
- It's natural to jump in and help your baby when they're struggling. But you actually shouldn't. In this video I'll explain why it's not the best approach, and what you should do instead.
Now, I'm definitely not saying to never help your baby! There's definitely nuance here. But by deciding when to help, and when to take a step back and give your baby time and space rather than jumping in on a whim, you're doing what's most beneficial for their development.
I hope this helps!
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I realised this the other day! I have a 10 month old boy and he’s sooo clever, but not interested in crawling atm, he wanted a ball and I was about to help when I began to see him actually get onto his knees and that’s when I realised I was holding him back because of my willingness to help.
Same with my 11 month daughter. I made her life so easy she does nothing besides jumping on her butt.
Exactly
I realized this when my little one was only a few months old, I asked the nanny to always hold off helping him out and this boy at 10 months old is doing a whole lot by himself. He even throws toys as far as he can so he can a chance to crawl or walk. If he himself is in a fix, we try to tell him how to get out or demonstrate it before we can help out.
Currently we're teaching him how to safely descend from a sofa or bed to the floor, with feet first. He throws a toy to the floor then tries to practice how to get down. He still hasn't mastered it but he is very close, because as a family we agreed to never swoop in unless he is literally on the verge of falling.
It’s so good to give babies space - sometimes it takes hundreds of failed attempts to finally find success. It’s the same for adults too. No one wants someone intervening every time we’re in a flow state of honing in on a task.
So true!
My little one favors his motor skill development, and although he occasionally did babble, chose not to for several months while working on crawling and pulling up. Now he is close to free standing, and it’s so cute to let him roam around his bedroom and silently observe. He talks less when I talk to him-even when I try to encourage him to talk, but he babbles a lot while exploring on his own, like he is talking through his thought process.
Emma, I’ve been watching your videos since I was expecting and now my baby is 2. Just wanted to write in to say thank you! Also, this is a great point and I’ve always done this. A slight delay also makes your kid more resilient and patient for times when you’re not immediately able to respond. There’s another thing I’ve tried. And that is to pretend having a slightly hard time doing the task myself. Reaching out for a ball, opening a jar, etc. It has helped my toddler remain more focused on the challenge a little while longer, and lower his frustration levels. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this though.
This is a lot like the Montessori Learning. Letting baby figure some things out.
I left for University, having never been allowed to do my.own laundry. Never cooked. My dad said I was too stupid, so he or my Mom would do it. Then he was angry that my grades were crap and my apartment was a mess. My wife and I taught these things to our daughter, she's so independent now. My wife died when our daughter was 15. Despite that still overwhelming loss, I am grateful our daughter had life skills.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did a great job with your daughter.
i do this because of one of your videos that said to make things slightly inconvenient for them in order for them to learn! hubby still does this by habit but i can't blame him, sometimes i want to as well😅
It is so hard to pause just a little as we do want to help straight away. It takes a lot of practice and conscious effort!
Helping too soon can also cause an infant/toddler to look for others to solve their problems and cause impatience when help doesn't come immediately.
Thank you for your content! Great information!
I had no idea you have a baby. Yay! And this video came just in time for ours' 10 month old birthday, too. So timely!
Excellent compilation of essential skills.Loved the way you bring new content always.
Thanks so much!
Hi Emma. Thank you for another amazing video. I have an 8 month old boy who is ‘army crawling’. He can’t put weight on this arms/hands. Even during on tummy time. He can’t lean up on his hands with his arms straight. When I put a toy up high for him to look at he will bend his head all the way back. What can I do and should I be worried?
This is brilliant, thank you. It is so hard to not jump in and help automatically, but you are 100% right that it is more important that the other person (whether it's your baby learning to reach for a ball or your husband trying to make decent pancakes...lol no personal experience there) know that you trust that they can learn to do it themselves, and that you have their back if they need help but aren't just going to swoop in and take over.
Absolutely!
Great video. My little one is 3 months old and starts experimenting with movement so it was just in time :) We do use the pause during tummy time as well as when she wakes up from her sleep at night so that she has a chance to work on her skills, whether it’s balance or falling back to sleep on her own.
Your kid is absolutely adorable, her turning around on her tummy to get closer to the toy made me giggle, so clever ❤
It cracks me up every time!
You are super knowledgeable. I LOVE YOUR VLOGS. I've learned quite a bit from you that i can use on my only grandbaby. THANK YOU 🎉
You are so welcome!
Thanks very much....
You are welcome
Such a small thing, but such a great tip!!!❤
Its great to know even an expert on parenting tips makes mistakes parenting ❤❤❤❤
Oh of course! Always learning 🙂
I agree I stopped helping my 9 month old daughter in play and now she's soo independent, if an object rolls away she knows to crawl to get it unless there is other toys around, now she's standing and cruising
That’s awesome!
Wow, your little one is already 10 months old! This video was great thanks as we are currently at this point.😊
Yep! I honestly don’t know where the time has gone! It’s so nice seeing her start to communicate now too! Bit intense at times 😂, as she is super determined but absolutely lovely.
Glad this one is coming at the right time for you!
Hi Emma, our 5 month old gets really fussy and starts crying whenever she can't reach something, we try to let her figure it out herself and reach for it but often she still fusses, how do we help her to help herself instead of fussing? Thanks for the tips!!
I totally agree, unless it's something like the first time she lost the ball and it was too close to the bed frame for my comfort. In that case I'd move it so she can't reach it so she'll have to still go and get it but in safer spot where she wouldn't potentially bang her head into the bed frame trying to get it. It would be fine if she were older and had better balance lol
you have a beautiful family!
Have you ever considered vlogging occasionally? I love seeing clips of your family and kids!
my daughter has a cloth mat to play on and she's figured out how to get her stuffs back: she just pulls the mat and voilà. So now I purposefully put some toys out of the mat and let her protest a bit before helping her hahaha
Wow thank you
You’re welcome 😊
good advice!
Glad you think so!
I Emma my little one is 9 months and refuse to eat I fix all high chair problems try blw am stress out frustrated nothing seem to work I started feeding him from six months which he refused to eat around seven to the eight month he ate then from the time we hit the nine month mark he just stop and then start now he stop again plz help I feel like I am going to have a mental breakdown 😢 is this normal he’s completely happy not sick and having he’s bottles as usual
My almost 9 month old twin b army crawls but doesnt sit or crawl on all 4s. How can i help him.....?
When my 5-month old wants to get something by crawling, the moment she reached it, I moved it further away from her. Is it a good thing or not? I want to encourage her crawling but if she has the toy, she will just stop there and chew on the toy forever (seems like she doesn't get bored from chewing). I feel like doing this might not be a right thing.
I think it's right if you do not do it to the point it feels pointless for the baby to keep trying reaching a toy. Maybe reward them with the toy after a few tries so their effort matters😊.
My husband is the one who does that a lot. I have to stop him in his tracks lol my instinct is not to help right away, is to watch my LO's reaction and see how she will respond to it. If she struggles a lot and gets frustrated, then I go help her.
Same here. They learn new skills so much faster when you just let them be.
O didn't think about it but did this all time for my first baby.
I always felt so guilty for leting them play alone on the floor and only assisting them when they complained profusely. I didn't do it because I thought It was beneficial for the baby but because I was (am) overwealmed taking care of everything alone. The truth is that my eldest crawled a week before 6 months and my youngest is almost ready to do so (6 months and 2 weeks now). I think it helped them
I don't want to come as an unattentive parent. I think I take hood care of my children and watch them very often even if they are playing by themselves just to make sure that they are safe. I also talk a lot to them and cuddle all the time. What I don't normaly do is sit on the floor to play with them when they are playing just fine by themselves and don't ask for my attention
Your baby spinning on the floor is so cute
Haha thank you! I love that video of her ☺️
I have twins and thankfully don't have the ability to notice the 'ball rolling away' situations in time anyway 😂.
Pls help I asked in your other vedio ....my baby is 6 months old recently started to learn how to sit but her spine is slightly curved outside on the bottom when sitting and leaning forward ..is it normal...😢😢plz HELP
Hi, do you have a pediatrician that you see? That would be a great question for them.
But being helpful also shows the baby that we are here for her and builds trust. And as long as you don't overdo it baby will totally learn all skills they need even if it takes them a month or so longer. You can always dial it back if you notice your baby relying on you too much. I try to make a point of responding to pleas of help with showing how a thing is done rather than doing it. But of course in stressful situations this goes down the drain. Just don't stress about it😌
Yep being helpful and responding to your little one’s needs is key to developing a strong bond and attachment. But there is a difference between helpful when they are asking for your help (so if they are crying) and helping them when they are just grunting or squirming when they are trying to figure something out. In those moments where they are just experimenting with their skills and movement then pausing to let them figure it out is beneficial for their development.
Pausing isn’t going to teach your little one that your not going to help them when they really need you.
lol my nephew at 10 months was basically walking with some help with objects
My baby boy isn't crawling yet, but when he wants something he'll lean forward and drag himself to get it😅
We definitely are guilty of this and I think it’s part of the reason my son hasn’t started talking yet. All he has to do is point and grunt and we know exactly what he wants.
It's great your little one is able to point to what he wants, as well as grunt. You can just tweak this slightly to encourage him to talk by saying the word of the item he wants when you get it. So for example if he is pointing to a banana, you could say. " Do you want the banana? Here is the banana!". By saying the word you're teaching your son what word to say when he is ready. I hope that helps!
🥰
my little one is 8m and long standing and I am a "bad" parent, because I leave toys in random places of house and kid goes for them when sees them and I dont give them to the baby 😂
Bahaha, I was a third child and this is why I didn't walk til 15 months. 🤣🤣🤣
I was helping my baby to everything yet she started crawling at 6 months and walked at 8 😀 She seems highly motivated to learn things though, maybe some babies that need more external motivation will profit from this 🙂
That is awesome!
Praise effort, not intelligence!!!
💜