This might be the most important video I have ever seen. I shared & saved for review. We would do well to teach this in grade school.. or perhaps throughout grades 1-12. Thank you.
Its not that hard to understand what validation of feelings is. You are validating that the person is worthy, by reflection back to them that you understand where they are coming from and what they are feeling. In essence, it's about not making them feel "all alone in their emotions" by showing that you understand their feelings. Saying words that are dismissive and uncaring, or simply nonchalant, makes the person feel not-worthwhile. When someone has Borderline they feel triggered pain when abandoned, and it is validation that helps them feel connected and therefore not abandoned.
I am a pastoral counselor and your videos have been so helpful. Can you recommend any DBT therapists, or yourself, for someone who has been diagnosed with DBT in NJ? Thank you and blessings to you and your family. Pr. Jessi
20:00 "If my grandmother were alive she would say, you get paid for this?!".......I wish my mother were alive so I could pay you ALL my money to say all this to her...she would probably still find a way to invalidate it though.
I tried to draw what I imagined the arousal graphs on his slides could look like, and ended up with a picture of a boa constrictor digesting an elephant.
I appreciate this so much! It's very helpful. Thank you for providing access! If NEA BPD had a podcast I would absolutely subscribe and so too, I imagine, would the people who I send the links to. I don't know if any admins even read this comment section :)
I have a question -> At 32:15 you give two different bpd responses to a situation of rejection. I totally agree that a bpd would respond with "Does the person not like me any more? - It's all my fault for being rejected by others" etc. But isn't your second example of response more a typical npd response when responding "You're a jerk for rejecting me - You should pay more attention to me" etc. So in this scenario the person feels entitled and in title of special treatment? Or am I just over analysing the whole point? :D Anyway, really good educational video, thanks for that.
I think those two responses are very illustrative of the two main conclusions that bpd sufferers jump two. the second response might look more like npd but what is actually happening is that we witness the "split." splitting is a behavior often present with bpd, the tendency to see things, other people, or themselves as all good or all bad. the first response shows how the person with bpd is seeing themself as all bad and worthy of neglect and the other people blameless, and the second response shows how the person with bpd sees themselves as completely innocent victim and the other person as a terrible jerk.
This is interesting and practical if you’re dealing with a relatively normal person- but if they’re a narcissist, or have strong narcissistic traits, forget it.
Even the worst narcissist has someone who loves them-- a parent, child, sibling, partner, friend etc. -- and to that person they are not "a jerk" but a lovable, worthwhile person who sometimes has very difficult behaviors. That is what Dr. F means by "there's no such thing as a jerk."
This might be the most important video I have ever seen. I shared & saved for review. We would do well to teach this in grade school.. or perhaps throughout grades 1-12. Thank you.
Remarkably helpful. Very nicely presented. I could listen to dr fruzzetti all day. Thank you for posting
Thank you doctor for all u do you are appreciated !
This is great and it would/could/should be applied to sexual intimacy within the couple!
Its not that hard to understand what validation of feelings is. You are validating that the person is worthy, by reflection back to them that you understand where they are coming from and what they are feeling. In essence, it's about not making them feel "all alone in their emotions" by showing that you understand their feelings. Saying words that are dismissive and uncaring, or simply nonchalant, makes the person feel not-worthwhile. When someone has Borderline they feel triggered pain when abandoned, and it is validation that helps them feel connected and therefore not abandoned.
This is so helpful...thank you so much
Great lecture
I am a pastoral counselor and your videos have been so helpful. Can you recommend any DBT therapists, or yourself, for someone who has been diagnosed with DBT in NJ? Thank you and blessings to you and your family. Pr. Jessi
20:00 "If my grandmother were alive she would say, you get paid for this?!".......I wish my mother were alive so I could pay you ALL my money to say all this to her...she would probably still find a way to invalidate it though.
So interesting, I just wanted to see his presentation too.
I tried to draw what I imagined the arousal graphs on his slides could look like, and ended up with a picture of a boa constrictor digesting an elephant.
@@JessieLSN thank you for the laugh!
@@jesuschristthesecond I'm just about to watch this so I'll look out for the boa constrictor!
I appreciate this so much! It's very helpful. Thank you for providing access! If NEA BPD had a podcast I would absolutely subscribe and so too, I imagine, would the people who I send the links to. I don't know if any admins even read this comment section :)
I have a question ->
At 32:15 you give two different bpd responses to a situation of rejection.
I totally agree that a bpd would respond with "Does the person not like me any more? - It's all my fault for being rejected by others" etc.
But isn't your second example of response more a typical npd response when responding "You're a jerk for rejecting me - You should pay more attention to me" etc. So in this scenario the person feels entitled and in title of special treatment?
Or am I just over analysing the whole point? :D
Anyway, really good educational video, thanks for that.
I think those two responses are very illustrative of the two main conclusions that bpd sufferers jump two. the second response might look more like npd but what is actually happening is that we witness the "split." splitting is a behavior often present with bpd, the tendency to see things, other people, or themselves as all good or all bad. the first response shows how the person with bpd is seeing themself as all bad and worthy of neglect and the other people blameless, and the second response shows how the person with bpd sees themselves as completely innocent victim and the other person as a terrible jerk.
This is interesting and practical if you’re dealing with a relatively normal person- but if they’re a narcissist, or have strong narcissistic traits, forget it.
there are big jerks out there. Anyone who has ever came in contact with a narcisist has met a big jerk.
Even the worst narcissist has someone who loves them-- a parent, child, sibling, partner, friend etc. -- and to that person they are not "a jerk" but a lovable, worthwhile person who sometimes has very difficult behaviors. That is what Dr. F means by "there's no such thing as a jerk."
Is that your scientific analysis? 😂