Feeling lonely at university? đ Watch this
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 24. 07. 2024
- going off the back of my previous loneliness video, here's a more detailed rant on societies, flatmates, being ignored, feeling left out and feeling like you're peoples friends when really you're their aquantances đ
0:00 preview
1:00 intro
1:56 first year is the loneliest
2:49 feeling lonely when you're around other people
5:00 why it's so hard to make friends at you (personality)
5:41 when you're quiet
8:25 societies are not the only way to make friends
9:12 don't blame yourself for your loneliness
10:42 not all societies are created equal
14:11 not being the first choice
14:55 don't compare yourself to insta omg
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![why I hated uni [loneliness at college / uni]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ZbjvuE1_WPc/mqdefault.jpg)
The thing about feeling great alone but so lonely in uni is so real. I just don't feel like myself around them
i feel you đ„ș
Its not just introvert who struggle with making friends tho. As an autistic extrovert i find it difficult to progress conversations despite being naturally sociable because of my troubles with the cues. In other words, i like to play the game, but i struggle to pass the levels. Am told by people that i am "fun", "delightful", "full of vibes" etc. and yet have no close friends to back this personality up. I get stuck in the catch-22 of not picking up on the cues that gives me the green light on a person's interest in a friendship and am also reluctant to ask them to hang out as i worry im forcing things. I can't help but worry so much that my efforts to socialise in 2nd and 3rd year will go to waste because of this disability i never asked for. I can only pray that i meet people who get the literal aspect of my personality.
you seem really self aware đ„ș i'm sure you'll people your people one day, introverted or not uni can be a lonely place and it definitely takes longer than anticipated to meet the right people. I'm sorry you've not had the best experience so far, but you're defo not alone â€ïžâđ©č
@@ChristinaAaliyahI am almost finished first year and still have no friends despite my best efforts to go to social events and societies in 2nd semester itâs difficult since everyone knows each other and I feel like no one really wants to make more freinds because everyone already has friends.its really hard to go to events by myself đą
I was just about to comment this. So many people know who I am. Iâm a âmini-bnocâ. They claim to like me and my vibes or whatever but Iâm the one whoâs always having to reach out to make plans because they have friendship groups that they instinctively make plans with all the time. Iâm social but that doesnât mean I want to be a floater. Iâve been forced to be a floater which means I donât get the deep connections I need as an autistic person and I still spend most of my time alone. I have friends but I donât have best friends or close friends. I donât have the friendships I want. Iâm about to finish my 2nd year and Iâm very much losing hope that itâs even possible. Being an autistic extrovert is the worst.
@@miraofalltrades I hope I'm not understating your own struggles by saying this, but it has got better for me. Close to finishing my second year, I have found myself in a good, close circle of friends by joining and being active in my uni's Model UN society. When I was told about it by one of my now-close friends (who at our first meeting was going through an autism assessment himself), he described it as a place that attracts the "quirky and nerdy" types of people that understand us autistics more than most. I'm in a separate group chat with them all as well as the main society chat, have celebrated my 21st birthday, and am looking forward to a beach outing this summer. I know it may seem hard, but the truth is that you do have a lot to offer, and if people don't want to give the same effort back, then they don't deserve your time effort or energy. Keep trying and seeking out spaces which may be more niche than others. As my mum said: "Look at all these freaks, and yet they love each other and it's a party". Sending my best wishes of luck and hope to you. May you find people who value you as a whole BNOC and not a mini one. â€ïžâ€ïžđđżđđż
feel like i could write a book about all the things no one tells you before you come to uni đđ
literally
Hey just wanted to say watching this video made me feel so validated as to how I feel , Itâs so easy to think Iâm the only one in my town who feels this way , this video honestly felt like a therapy session , I agree with how us being naturally quiet prevents us from showing our inner , vibrant personalities that we have , but are afraid to show due to fear . Honestly for me the loneliness has really affected my grades , I feel so much less motivated to study and work hard when I have no social interaction , it feels so empty , and when I visit home on the weekends and meet up with family and friends from high school I feel so much better , almost overjoyed , like damn this is whatâs itâs like to have friends . Also being around so many vibrant friend groups when your alone is kind of heartbreaking , also a bit jealousy invoking . I be jealous of all those friend groups on campus . I wish universities put more of an effort in creating support systems and organizations / meetups specifically for people who tend to struggle socially (due to shyness , fear of new people ) , because itâs kind of really common , and it really puts people in a dark place đą
You literally took the words right out of my mouth đ„č It's the story of my life, being too scared to be myself and then around the right people I'm just a totally different person. It can totally get you down that was me for sure, that phase doesn't last forever though I promise đđœ
Hey! I just wanted to see that you put into words exactly what I am experiencing and going through in college right now. Wow, this is crazy that Iâm not alone and someone else is feeling exactly the same. Hoping we can both eventually find our people!
Thank you for this, itâs not talked about how you can be the most extroverted, friendly person and make the most effort and sometimes you still canât seem to find your people. Hopefully it gets better but it can just be so difficult
so true
I wouldnât say Iâm an introverted person and I made the effort to make friends, even with others I saw alone but that still didnât work and I still ended up feeling lonely (she ended up not putting in any effort / became friends with another girl). I think anyone can feel lonely at uni and thereâs a misconception that it only happens with introverted people. but yes, this video made me feel so validated and made me feel better. before going to uni, I expected to make so many friends but it wasnât like that at all
I feel you
btw i'm a loud outspoken person but I do rehearse convos before talking to the person, I used to have anxiety in primary and as a result became quiet, however in secondary became loud but it was a process. The trick is to get used to putting yourself out there despite what people think about you because you are the one that's going to regret it not them so who cares about what they believe. But it's honestly not easy, sometimes it's like I can feel my heart beating out my chest. Anyways if this is any help, I don't think anyone is born loud, especially me, and I also don't think u have to change your personality to get friends that aren't seasonal. Listen I can't wait to get to medical school to befriend you, I think you are more genuine and sincere, it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable on a platform where there is hatred and the possibility of that people that know you to see you, this more credible than anyone loud friend that may be detached from their feelings can offer
thank you so much
Lmao this is the most relatable thing i ever seen your story seems like my life, I think I am gonna also be alone at uni because i am shy
I'm sure you won't I think i was just a hermit lool i shouldve gone out more đ
@@ChristinaAaliyah haha thanks
Iâm in the same situation right now. I donât have any close relationship in uni and itâs so hard to be alone all the time
What county are you in? Are you living with other students, as in most of the U.K. and U.S.?
why is this so relateable? thxs for the video
i feel like we've all had the same experience đ«
thank you i really needed this†i have had a similar experiance as you. i was very lonely in my first year in uni and didnt know anyone. in second year i tried to be more outgoing and go to places or events where i could meet people, but i didnt really make any friends. i do have a couple people that i go out with from time to time but i havent found a group of friends that i have clicked with yet. i am now in my third year and i have started to accept the situation and i donât mind being alone for the most part cuz iâm so used to it now.
So many people have this experience at uni, to the point where I think it's there's more people are in our boat, than people in solid friendship groups :( you're definitely not alone. It's better to be alone that make friends with the wrong people too, I made that mistake before đ«
This video felt like a warm hug and I just want to send a warm hug right back at you. If you were in my uni we'd become friends so fast!
this is the nicest thing anyone could have ever said to me, I appreciate this đđ
Oh my god your video resonated with me soo much and I havenât even finished watching it yet. My mindset is literally what you are explaining . Also a first year med student đ it feels soo incredibly lonely and at the same time oddly comforting being alone. I also honestly feel like such a boring person, Iâm just so introverted đ where are the Waterstones dinner coffee shop people like you describe when you need themđ
First two minutes spoke to me and Iâm trying my best đ
You got this Victoria
Thank you for your sharing excellent video !!
no probs nirina âš
I joined university without any friends and now am in my final year . I really don't care about having a lot of friends but what hurts is that i no longer have my mom. She was my best friend đą
Well i expected to find also freinds at uni or like group to study with but well sadly our expectations are not what the reality looks like. I feel like you have to be good at uni like getting good grades, being prepared etc. to get like attention and if you do that then they still dont take you, like that was my case and i think its bcs myb you are just ahead of them
I found the pandemic incredibly healthy mentally. Not having to deal with a whole range of social stressors was great.
Thank you
You're welcome
Same with me!!
When you leave highschool and go to uni do you lose your friends from high school
i didn't thankfully but i know some people do, you defo have to make an effort to keep in contact
It depends on how close you were to your hs friends
thank you:) i fell the same let's be friends
hey bestie
why don't u try going to church?