If Someone BETRAYED Your Trust In A Relationship, WATCH THIS! | Jordan Peterson
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- čas přidán 2. 08. 2021
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No one really understands the pain of a betrayal, except for those of us who live with it.
So very true! I'm going through my husband having an affair right now. He's living with his mistress in another state and has been for the last 3 months. He told me he wanted to separate at the end of July and started an immediate relationship with his mistress by mid August. My husband is absolutely ridiculous in thinking he's not having an affair. He considers it just moving on like we're not in a marriage. I told him I'm not his girlfriend, I'm his wife. It just doesn't work that way. Now he's not 100% he wants a divorce. I think the grass wasn't greener on the other side because it's fake grass and the color is starting to run and fade. Nah, I'm good.
@@crystalbrown2336I‘m sorry for you. I‘m going through similar situation
@@crystalbrown2336 I'm in the same boat
@@lmfisher650 I'm sorry for you. It really sucks to be betrayed like this.
How long ago did it happen?
Forgiving isn't the problem forgetting is
You probably have experienced betrayal. Because only someone who has can truly understand that. Not many do. I have and after almost 20 years don’t feel hate against that person or anything, but the humiliation was so deep that I can’t get over it. The thought of it catches me off guard sometimes.
@@curoseba5363 23 years for me, and you are spot on.
@@curoseba5363 I am a broken man, alone pretty much all the time.
@@curoseba5363 51 yrs for me @ 71 yrs. After his retirement @ 64 and crowd he kept up with and drank 4p-10PM X 7days a week..😞
Just been 3 days for me but I already relate to this
Betrayal and cheating is the worst mental torment someone can put you through.... it breaks your most inner human nature...😢
100% agree...speaking from experience
It really does. I got trust issues like hell
You cant change the the past and you cant predict the future,
But you can ruin the present by worrying about both.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Accurate❤️
@No Excuses that cute but the past products the future
How true , well said . Thank you
Exactly what happened to me
I feel like an empty shell of my former self and I don’t see a path towards transformation. I’ve lost all motivation and enthusiasm for life itself. This is the trauma that’s invisible to the rest of society. No one really understands the pain of a betrayal, except for those of us who live with it.
Brother, I understand the pain as I’m sitting in my car, saying the same thing to Myself we understand it more than you seem to understand that we do. That’s the system, and that’s the system of destroying men. But we fight for things because we are men but then we lose the fight.
believe me it happens to women too.
love you lads
Feel that so heavy rn.
Totally relate it’s just so hard to trust anyone these days!
Never let the same person not choose you twice.
sage advice
Third times a charm
damn this hit my heart … ima go pray and cry 😔
It depends whom... I did it many times, big mistake. 😏 Should've left them where they were, and me I should've moved on faster.
And, at times, even if I did move they came rushing back, and got me all muddled up again. 😞
I did and I can confidently say that it’s not a good idea. They’ll leave the same way they left the first time
When a person shows you who they really are, believe them the first time.
I didn’t cheat, but I did lie about a relapse and broke her trust. I lost her, deservedly but it was the shot to the heart I needed. Back to working out, eating good, working on the white lies that can do easily snow ball into big ones. The weird thing is I’d never been so honest with someone in a relationship, I told her everything. But the few times I relapsed, I’d want to lie out of shame and not disappoint her. Ironically it was the lie that disappointed her and drove her away. Trying to grow and change my bad habits one day at a time. Sorry to everyone who had their heart broken or trust shattered by a person like me.
**Update for anyone curious: we’re back together and doing fantastic! Been clean since I posted this 8 months ago.
Its the lying that shattered her trust...Not your relapse...I hope she knows about how apologetic you are and I hope she will heal from this one day and learn to Trust without being scared.
@@athena556 they knew probably " Ironically it was the lie that disappointed her and drove her away"
Thank you for this I struggled with this with my ex and I stuck it out for 10 years helping him through his addiction where when he had a relapse he would lie to not disappoint me until he seemed better...... then he found a new addition and left me and our 3 year old little boy at the time to be with a woman that pretended to be my friend and watched her kids for her, her kids that now call my husband (we haven't divorced just yet) daddy.....after 10 years of non stop support being hurt and heart broken over and over again just to tell him it's alright we are all human and we make mistakes pick yourself up and keep going just to now have to say that to myself. Sucks putting so much effort into something for it to turn into nothing....(he literally will not speak to me) I'm so happy that you are better as a person who tried her hardest for someone like you thank you for being better 🖤
@@crazykitten4845i’m sorry for that 🖤 he was undeserving and it sucks that u wasted so much energy
@@dreams5672 I appreciate your kind words and support 🫶
Giving a cheating person another chance is like giving them another bullet because they missed you the first time.
Omg, hadn't heard that one before. So true!
I agree, no second chances
Savage but true
What about when you didn't know about his spouse that you still don't understand if it is at all true because he radiates from all forms of Narcissististic disorder and you don't know how many victims he has and how his spouse enables him
Not sure..ive seen plenty of relationship that this has happened and it's many times we do they csn overcome it. I use to think that and one of the most beautiful relationships I have seen came from a friend who's wife had betrayed him. He was going to leave - he isnt a guy who forgives but he did and they worked together and they became very close..
My husband of 15 years had a 3 year affair with a married coworker, and had a child that was a year old by the time her husband put two and two together, they passed the child off as his kid and he followed his gut instincts and got a OTC paternity test and it came back he was not the father and he knew immediately it was my now ex. The pain was AGONIZING.. I’m 10 years out post nuclear explosion as my life was incinerated and I lost everything.. I was literally married on Monday and Tuesday every thing was gone. My life, my marriage, my home, my job, my friends and our families were no where to be found not able to manage the heat of ground zero. 10 years later, that devastation drove me to work on deep childhood trauma and the pain of that marital catastrophe. My life is so different and the pain is being actively transmuted.. I would not order what happened to me off the menu but it was the fuckin meal I was served and I had to choke down every last goddamn bite… but my life is so different and for the better.
If a girl is already flirting with other dudes, I doubt that’s going to change when your back is turned. She is who she is. Any respectful partner wouldn’t do that to you.
Right it is their attitude and personality
Never allow someone to insult your intelligence by allowing them to imply that what you know to be true isn’t what it looks like. I can guarantee, if they were on the receiving end themselves of what you are not allowing, they wouldn’t give you half the chance to imply it isn’t what they think it is. 🤔
So very well articulated
Very good! 👏
However, I think the crucial thing to understand is "what you know to be true" from their perspective at least, is still just your own (very accurate) intuition.
But because they know you didn't see it with your own eyes, to them, it didn't happen.
Thought the same, invitation to get gaslighted
@@Mrantiemo99I thought gaslighting. Period
The mind is any relationships worst enemy. The arrogance required to assume that you will always be absolutely correct in your observations leads me to believe you are naive so I will leave you with this. It is not an insult to your intelligence to have a conversation. It is not an insult to be led out of the darkness of ignorance and bias, closer to the light of the truth. Yes deception happens and it sucks. But for any relationship to last, risks are certainly necessary.
There is no good flirting. Cheating is unforgivable.
💯
"You are going to drag your stupidity into the next relationship". This really gave me comfort. And I hope those with stupidity, do.
Amen 🙏
Do you think it's whats called a rebound relationship
This doesnt work with a narcissist. They always run away from true empathy.
Then leave the narcs alone. Simple.
Nothing works with a narc except zero contact.
Nothing works with a narcissist.
We all have narc traits,
Always
If you’re at the point where taking them back feels good but you know it’s wrong-the temporary pleasure is delaying your real life and you’re getting older in the process
So true. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you
Damn man. Thanks.
Damnit. The truth hurts. 😢
Never allow a destroyed person destroy you
Give trust, if betrayed, no more trust.
👍
The point is, ppl gotta be mature and able to explain, and talk about what they feel. If ppl pretend they are ok and instead they are bottling some resentment inside then there is only either argument or break up. It is sad.
Not true at all, many people can’t handle their feelings let alone others. People need to learn how to be INDIVIDUAL ADULTS before getting into a relationship. A relationship is something for people who have already done the work within , to many people think others can fix them or make it easier, that’s just putting a bandaid over a broken bone
@@DREWTHEEMPATH so you have started disagreeing with what I write and then proceeded to say exactly what i said. Mature = being adult. So much for being empath 🤣
This is true
@@DREWTHEEMPATH Sorry but you just said the same thing as OP lol
I totally agree that’s where I went wrong. Sucks because I only cared about her feelings and never told her how I felt.
I was in my early 20's when I first got married. The marriage was just over a week old when I can home from work and found out that my new husband and my mother had sex. I was the closest I have ever been to being completely empty and suicidal. But I am now in my 60's and feel more sorry for them. I am healthy, content and learned never to take anyone regardless of gender at face value.
That’s insane? If you don’t mind me asking, how was/is the relationship with your mother after that?
@@papa19105 I never really had a close relationship with her. I found out a few years later that she was a Malignant Narcissist and a borderline Sociopath.
I had to stay with her eight more months until I got on my feet , then I left abruptly.
I didn't see her for 20 years. She had me tracked down. I figured she thought I needed her and she could resume control. However, she found out differently. She even tried to convince my daughter to move away with her to Hollywood. She even told her that she was her real mother and I was her older sister who stole her. My daughter was having none of it. She left my town after a week. I found out through other relatives that she died two years later.
There were times in my life when I was alone I cried for my mother. Unfortunately that woman never existed.
@@zanac1868
Well done for standing up to your mother; you did the right thing. Nobody deserves to have their life ruined by someone like that.
👍💐🌷
🇬🇧
@@GWAYGWAY1OMG.. that is a terrible scenario. Respect to you for being here today
@@zanac1868 Thank you for sharing. I had a mother like that... she would flirt w/any guy who shown any interested in me. That's too damned close to incest. I left... and have never gone back. I don't have children yet but having my precious cat is how I developed good mothering skills. Our pets really are our families... my mother was some psycho lunatic but that's her problem and I can't see mistreating any living thing. I don't. !! be glad for your qualities as a good and decent person. < ;)
I personally don't like the 3 strike rule, because it allows for time to lapse, creating an opportunity for the other person to "forget" or deny the event all together. For these reasons, I personally like to address the situation immediately (while it's still fresh), and if 3 strikes still occurs, then I'll re-evaluate the relationship.
Yes me too
@@SolomonSamms it sounds like a good idea. I didn't do that. I was so shocked by the affairs that i couldnt talk about it. And when it got to be too overwhelming I turned into a screaming thing towards him. He deserved everything I said but I sure wish I hadn't let it go so long. It changed me in ways that wasn't good for me and has taken me years to be even remotely close to the person I used to be. I really liked that person. I don't like me now. I've been told that I may never be that person again. A huge part of me is missing. That part that loves, is a healer. I still do those things but I don't feel it. I know this probably doesn't make sense, doesn't to me either. It's just how I see it. Sorry for the rant.
I agree
He said that at 1:43. He gave the example of addressing the flirting. It got address and it shouldn't be repeated. Now if it gets repeated and discussed 2 more times, then you're out.
@@leannmeddings4068 I understand exactly, went through it some years ago. Was so shocked, I fell over in pain. Then I let it rip and rip, lost 20 lbs, nightmares, endless ruminating, if only's, and so on. No more internal peace. My poor body.
I became a different person overnight. Went from happy go lucky and adventurous to prickly, unsure, and defensive. It was like having an out-of-body experience (is called dis-associative behavior and ptsd).
Things improved after some years, though had difficulty connecting to men again, would panic and unintentionally sabotage things to create a safe distance, I never used to do that.. sigh.
I must say that the untold agony and *years* spent in "recovery" was gross insult to injury.
Leave, if you must, but don't betray and deceive the one who has your back. I too miss the person I once was and will always resent him taking that away from me. Peace.
The flirting and cheating is going on behind your back so there are no outward signs to discuss. Cheating or setting up a new supply is pure evil.
Fuck yes
I did this trying to get back with my ex. She was still lying when we started talking again. Literally destoryed me. I became the bad guy. Dont stick around and entertain liars. I still blame myself and think i couldve done differently. Nothing can change a person who doesnt want accountability
A good phrase to use here is “the story I’m telling myself is …”
mind explaining?
@@odenisaraujo Sure: you start a sentence with that phrase and then keep talking. Say the thing that you're imagining about the situation. This will reveal the basis for your feelings, get possible misconceptions on the table, and reveal what matters to you.
The utility of the phrase is that it helps the other person keep in mind that this is your perspective and to not take things so personally that they fly off the handle.
@@amfarrell42 perfect. thanks
Oooouu ok I like that
@@odenisaraujo what he’s trying to say is you can fry an egg 🥚 however you can’t fry a peach 🍑, think 🤔 about that 🤔
I trust that everyone can and will betray me when its in their interest. Trust is not a topic of value but more one of illusion.
Maybe indoctrinating values is an invention to control people.
Interestingly put,lol.(:
Well said.
This 💯 big f_ck_n facts.
No, I disagree. A few people you can trust. Unfortunately one can meet none of those people in his/her life so it is logical to assume that you can trust nobody.
"If it's not a lemon relationship, and the person is playing a straight game with you." No matter how much you desire truth or want to trust, you are standing on sand if the other person doesn't care. Dr. Peterson is so clear on the power of the "vow." Why would I unpack my vulnerabilities to someone who is not invested and can exit when waters get turbulent? I am inspired! I think the key words here happen to be, "a straight game." Most people like to know the rules before they engage in a game. 🤓
DMaria Woods, if the other person cheats in the game, then it was never a straight game in the first place.
Agreed, the key word is "straight, truthful." To deviate from the truth or the straight is to lie, and lies destroy trust.
Yep
It's a GAME
Playing games sometimes you lose.
😐👆🏻
betrayed is worst feeling that someone have to go trough, you start questioning everything, you start to blame yourself your confidance is drop to the ground zero... need a big courage to give our partner second chance, to coup with all hurts caused by, needs hard work... but if you choose to forgive, take your time and do it slowly to heal your wound...❤ be brave, but if you decide to leave... remember, its not your fault, its never be... keep going, keep moving, don't look back, hope you find happiness.. ❤
🧡
Cheating in any way is unforgivable
Remember we too are unforgivable but are forgiven if we repent and turn from sin. For me it the hardest test of my life. I've been through a lot and it is the hardest by far. It is always wrong, but if we do not forgive to a repenting spouse, we cannot be forgiven.
Called...and what is it after ? How is it end
Try that every relationship and see how far it takes you......
@@brianmoonga9920friends is worse
@Dylan Magdalin stwww did you write the Bible you cam forgive them and yourself and choose not to be in the relationship forgiveness does not mean staying
The one thing I cannot tolerate is a liar..my ex and my oldest son both lied to me..by omission..they only say what they want you to know..I believe its better to tell the truth than to lie..you don't have to REMEMBER the truth..and I can spot a lie a mile away
I sense a narcissist in you. You're probably the problem.
agree, lies of omission can do your head in - the person can then say.. well, you never asked.
Never lie to me, it breaks me😢😢
Marriage is so hard as people are less and less honourable - as they say we are going through a crisis of character
I think it's due to social media
When someone cheats, you leave, they committed the ultimate betrayal.
This ☝️100 percent
Yes Just leave!.
Staying in a bad marriage can lead to toxic relationships with the children. My mother stayed with my dad over 30 years because of the vow and she was toxic and abusive physically and verbally toward me. When my father died it took about a year and amazingly I saw a new mom that was fun and a pleasure to be around. She ended up being my best friend. There are consequences to being in a toxic relationship. I now have social as well as generalized anxiety because you can’t undo your past. I am now having issues with my husband but instead of taking it out on the kids I drink more. He packed his things today and I’m not sure if I want him back. Staying in a bad marriage does not benefit anyone except the abuser
How are you now?
I requested credit card statements.he threw them out and I had to dig them out of the garbage. Found out all those “work trips “were to the Caribbean with the girlfriend. Went a year back ; jewelry, intimate apparel purchases and even a car purchased for the girlfriend. He is asking me to take him back but who would benefit from this ? He finally admitted to prostitutes for the last 11 years of our 16 year marriage. Please be careful and think twice. I was far too trusting and learned the hard way. We are now divorcing.
Hope you're okay. It's also enabling them. I've left my partner so many times, but he decided he calls the shots so when I want space he won't leave and then he's not around when it matters. We actually broke up years ago but he's so controlling he doesn't let me live my life.
I hope you got out and feel happier. I hope you're in a happy relationship, the type where you're not lying when you say things are great.
I hope you are okay
Sounds like and your mother are the abuser.
Problem is someone can be as honest as one can be and suddenly turn against you and screw you over.
And if you deal with a narcissist it's another ball game again - forget about honesty - therapies etc ... nothing will work !!!
My boyfriend cheated on me for two years with his ex girlfriend. I forgave him, but will never forget. The waves of emotions I go through are torturous.
I experienced it, but i left him. I got hurt, and i couldn't trust him anymore
Are you still with him?
Why didn't you leave
I'm finding it's easier to never trust anyone and keep people out! Don't have to worry about being betrayed then.
That's certainly easier in the short-term. The long-term costs of that aren't palatable to me, personally, so I keep trying.
👍
Easier maybe, but lonely. It’s worth healing heartbreak with professional support like RTT hypnosis or spiritual counseling.
I’ve felt this way before, so I understand! No judgment. But in my experience, I eventually arrived at the conclusion that it was a cowardly excuse to avoid relationships (which make like worth living) because running from people meant that I did not have to trust MYSELF. When I chose a ‘bad’ partner, I saw the red flags, I felt the abuse, and yet I proceeded or stayed or returned or whatever. It’s myself I stopped trusting because I betrayed myself. It’s difficult to forgive that kind of betrayal. But it is possible. And very much worth it. Don’t give up. Love is real. And you are amazingly intuitive, fortunate, and way worth it, no matter what monsters f’d your head over in the past, with or without your permission.
Bri, Instead of trusting no one,
I like to reframe that as only
Trusting Yourself!
Trust Yourself.
What if they refuse to straighten it out… so that same fight continues over and over and over… because it never gets fully addressed? But they continue to stay with you. They just want to ignore it and forget about it and move forward without straightening it out. And then when it gets brought back up, they explode and say they hate you and are mad that you can’t get over it..
Then they’re not playing a straight game with you so you should cease trying to “play the game” with them. I think he makes that clear. You have to ascertain if they are willing to respect your boundaries, the rules of the game essentially.
That sounds abusive. Does this person show a lack of empathy? Do they try to alter your worldview or change the facts on how things happen?
Literally the same thing is happening to me
This exact same thing is happening to me. It's lonely, confusing and emotionally draining.
This depends on what the issue is. Fornication would be a big deal. Star Wars wouldn’t be. I feel like a lot of issues would be avoided by having difficult conversations before marriage. Setting those boundaries when there still is a way to escape, though divorce has become an easy out solution and vows are becoming worthless.
I love the way in this series that Lewis often smiles and gently shakes his head. Not in disbelief but in wonder at the wisdom and the new understanding offered by JP
I’ve been with my partner for 28 years and we have never been married! It’s been quite a rollercoaster and well worth all of the hard work. And, it’s sometimes a love/hate relationship but we always work things out…. Life is definitely a trip, but it’s better when you have someone to do it with ❤
Good for you! I'd add, when one has someone good and honest, faithful, responsible, and caring, to do that life trip with! I want to meet him soon! 🙏
are you saying one of you cheated but your still standing strong ?
I've been dealing with a good friend that has recently lied in major ways to get ahead, and screwing me in the process. it is almost like the more they get away with it, the more bold they are about it, without ever admitting it
If we love our marriage partner we value their feelings and don't flirt with other women or men. Many affairs are created when spouses cross the boundary and get tempted.
Yes he betrayed me . Deceived me. Was a master of deception. Groomed me. A nature wise women in her mid 50,s. He was centre of my world. Long story very short. Our bond caused me to have sense of youthfulness, wanted, desired..it validated me. He walked away and never looked back. But I was true, I was real, every word uttered from my mouth, every feeling was authentic in me. Im an empath..he is a narcissist. Our deceptive romance in fact saved my sanity through a challenging time. In my gut I felt the deception. But outwardly he was an amazing actor. Had me fooled.
I’ve got similar.
I know someone similar a woman who got with a with a much younger man, I think she was going through something that made her feel like an old woman she was approaching 45 and a notion that her husband didn’t love her anymore , this guy supposedly had it all his own restaurant smart car, false confidence that some women who are emotionally retarded still go for the bad boy thing. The only thing was her husband still loved her even though they were going through a very difficult time, he still held onto the vow he made, she dropped it like it was nothing. Trust gone ,loyalty gone , respect gone, constant lies, do now it can’t be fixed because of that and the constant arguing over things that just really reallly don’t matter or where an effect of the outcome of what has happened, he doesn’t even know what is real and what is lies. The sad thing is now she has made sure of what she was afraid of
I never knew how much of a jealous freak I could be and I never know if it's cus I'm reading into things too much or if something is actually there
I can sort of relate to this and was wondering if it may be due to past childhood wounds or past romantic experiences where you were hurt or betrayed
@@Raminakai I needed to hear this, thank you 💕
Could be your intuition
I'm honestly more inclined to run away if someone lies to me and I find out doesn't matter if I took a vow to be married or not if you're going to lie to me because you're scared I'm going to leave there's a problem there's a big problem
Yes
Having been brought up by a narcissist and then married one I would like to say that I stuck to my marriage vow for 18 years and it was the dumbest thing I ever did. Some people are not able or willing to commit to truth and in that case give yourself permission to get out. As soon as you realise. Run and don’t stop till you are free to find your own truth. The ideal of the extended and stable family over decades is a fantasy IME. There are other ways to manage long term relationships as we evolve. If you are in the kind of relationship spoken about here you probably don’t need this kind of advice as you will have these things in place already.
I agree as long term relationships and family can also be so dysfunctional
Thank you for sharing your story ❤I totally agree ⭐️
35 years....
being the youngest of two, I was betrayed by my whole family, treated like second class and from an early age had only myself to rely on.
I am married, but still have difficulty trusting even my wife. she hasn't betrayed me at all.
I relate to this so much. You are not alone.
😞
I know the feeling
The best thing you can do is forgive the things that have happened in the past and move forward the anger and resentment held in the past will hurt you and the people that truly care about you and allow the past to continue to victimize you. once you lift that weight you will feel better physically emotionally and mentally when you let it go it's like being wash clean or cleaned and allows you to think and see much clearer
Keep working it out with your wife. You both deserve it! ❤
Betrayal come in many forms beside the physical
Betrayal PTSD is real, especially after repeated intentional behaviours that was made clear is unacceptable.
Appreciate this video and all the comments. Hope everyone’s relationships give them joy, blessings and fulfillment. Life is to celebrate love not hide it! ❤😊
🧡
So well explained and makes perfect sense. Basically its so much easier to break than to mend but mending is worth much more ...
🧡
Well depend on the intention of the other
CHEATING AND LIES ARE VERY DAMAGING.
PEOPLE GET HURT AND THIS CAN LAST A LIFE TIME.
This guy laughing and smirking while JP is talking does my head in
I really appreciate this and always enjoy Lewis Howes interviews as well as Jordan Peterson's profound words! 💯
Because of what I let happen with women,I’m glad to finally be in a position where I can walk away at any moment without having any regrets, I will hopefully not ever put myself in a position to be manipulated etc by anyone,especially someone who says they care about me.
Saying yes to someone if it doesn’t come from a place of yes inside yourself will build resentment if you are not careful.
my question is that when does too much communication turns to losing self-dignity?
When you no longer become a mystery
Thank you! “A small amount of silent tolerance”….amen!! I like the 3 time rule. Because imho, after 3 to 5 times, it’s a habit or a pattern. Which can also be hard to break but better to try and break it at that point then years and years later after its happened hundreds of times. Sound advice!
You're welcome🧡
I keep hoping and listening to your advice but like you said...” I’m not talking about the kind that won’t play straight with you”
That’s what I’m up against. 😫
Betrayal is a great teacher. Learn.
“Happiness is the only good.
The place to be happy is here.
The time to be happy is now.
The way to be happy is to help make others so.”
- Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)
It's especially difficult if you have Trauma over betrayals...
I think it was my own fault in one of my betrayals, I knew what my Mother in Law was but I ignored it. Betrayals are not just in sexual relationship but the results are the same. Three times and your out is a good rule.
Sex is the epitomf of intimacy and vulnerabilty , that why it hurt the most
It's the part where, since we've been married over 30 years, they aren't allowed to just leave because he promised not to. But does he want to? I don't want him to stay out of obligation, because we're married and he promised, I want to know in my heart that he really wants to be with me. That he loves only me. I want him to really choose to stay with me out of his love for me
Commitment is love. Feelings have seasons, but being committed to stay through the hard seasons is an act of love.
If he's still there. He still wants you. Stop doubting 30 years of love.
Everyday you wake up, you choose to love or not. Choosing sometimes means working on love. Sometimes love waivers; and that's when work begins. Sometimes love is questioned - it's not about a want to love, it's about if they can choose options to grow that love. You should want him to stay out of obligation if that obligation leads to him choosing you again.
When JP says he doesn’t think you can tell the truth to someone who can run away, does he also mean that you shouldn’t fully open up to someone and tell them the truth about everything you are until you have made your vows to each other and are married? At the same time isn’t it a good thing to open up more and more to your significant other even before you two decided to get married?
Sometimes you simply don't know who exactly you are UNTIL you're living together, facing life together. You work on things. Not 50/50 but 100/100
No peace ☮️ in negotiating with a narcissist who radiates all forms of Narcissististic disorder. . .
This man describes a large portion of my life, for some reason, and it was very helpful even though I don't know exactly how intelligent he is, no disrespect intended, He obviously came from my family, and I am curios how. My family disowned me before I was born and I'm looking for help, thank you. ✌💪 💜
Just a note of encouragement... just like you came here, as so many of us do, keep searching and looking... like most of us still do; this is life and you'll find inner peace and peace of mind. Thank you for your share. I appreciate it.
My two favorites minds..such an incredible conversation makes complete sense. ❤
Great discussions.. Thanks for doing these..
I've just been dumped by my partner of nineteen years. He's cheated with a woman online and 'loves' her although they've never met. He was my absolute world. I am bereft. I forgave him ,went back once , but he couldn't leave her alone and wanted to end it with me. I am 65, in poor health , I can't start again and wouldn't want to. I never wanted to face old age alone.
It is better to be alone than being with someone who doesn't respect you and doesn't love you. You can still build a good life for yourself. It doesn't mean you will end up alone. People come and go in our lives.
What an idiot
It wasn’t meant to be. Do anything you can to get back to being happy! Therapy or whatever works for you. I think there’s someone/something out there for you/everyone!
I think it's BAD ADVICE to infer that maybe you're the "idiot". If you're dealing with a manipulative person who would betray you and/or cheat on you; they'll make you believe you are in fact the fool. They will attempt to rewrite every instance to fit their needs.
Then that’s not a relationship worthy of keeping
He mentioned about people like that. He says they are the ones not playing a fair game.
@@saralopez193 You can't play a fair game in life because of the ambiguity of circumstance. A single act cen be framed as good or evil based on perspective and priority. The only thing you can expect from others is to do what's best for them and curb bad action through accountability.
It takes a level of willful ignorance to be cheated on.
@@Alixir1228 Some people are willfully ignorant, but more people are ignorant in general or accept poor behavior.
I love that you still have a Columbus area code! I grew up in Worthington! 👊🏼
Lll
I always say that, if you are having provocations and antagonisms - no matter how small - that I challenge the person in that, I will accept they made two mistakes - after that it is a DECISION. !?!
I won't be trusting another women for as long as I live. I won't be getting married again and I certainly won't be having someone else tied in with my finances again. There's no benefit in trusting anyone.
True
you tell them what you need to trust them , and then don’t do it and act like u are insecure, and you are , so then they turn it all around until your relation broken. they want honesty but only when it’s beneficial to her …that’s exactly what happened, you tell them the truth and after rehab , she’s like f this your a mess i’m done !!! on our anniversary no less , broke but not broken. wow this is absolutely true , divorce is always a way out and i’m living it . this is spot on
I absolutely love listening to Jordan Peterson I know he's comparing all the most valuable information to for opinions and facts on matters. He's so blunt and to the point but it's so refreshing to listen to him speak. I want real freedom and it's obvious to me no one in my life has that they sell their selves short all the time including me to a degree.
The hard thing is that your heart accepting what is your mind already knew !
Of course you can throw that all out the window if you’re married or dating a narcissist like my ex-wife was and is!
Masterful.
Thank you Doctor.
As Aldous Huxley so aptly wrote: "the oft felt yet seldom so clearly expressed..."
5:50 - I don't think you can tell the truth to someone who can run away
These are HUGELY helpful.
This is a very good article! Problem is very few people will ever be able to match up with the perfect mate! So yes, it is very much Common sense for Jordan Peterson to think in terms of a limit of 3 infractions between either of you as we know no humanbeing is perfect!
Thank you Mr. Peterson. You have given men of all ages hope and understanding. I appreciate you so much. Thank you!
🙌
Incredible advice! Thank you
You're welcome🧡
Thanks for sharing Jordan Peterson. He has great insight.
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I've had someone lie to me, while telling me they wanted to be friends and move on, she went telling all my colleagues lies and truths for no reason, then when I asked why, still trying to be considerate of her, she admitted it then denied lying. Me now being her manager tried so hard to be honest and considerate of her. She showed me no sign of even arguing with me, just being apologetic, then went to my boss and lied sayin I was harrassing her, after it was discovered I wasn't, i then changed my managing style issuing consequences which I never used to to. Did it to numerous people then put her in the book aswell for being late on shift numerous times in a row, then she went to my boss again saying I was targeting her
Vengeance is understandable in light of betrayal, but not justifiable.
It is whether the solution is simple enough to be very hard or indeed very hard given the structure of the damage/problem. In any case, when a solution for betrayal becomes a technology, the world will advance in warp speed.
I try bringing stuff up in my relationship and I get shut down.
This is all very well as long as the protagonists are honest to start with ... and that they are able to face who they are !!!
Identify the hard no's.
I obviously would never condone cheating or anything of that nature, but in most cases, this person didn't just wake up one day and decide to be a shitty person. Something led up to that decision , and while it is certainly the fault of that person for making that choice, we still need to reflect on ourselves honestly and see where we might have contributed to this situation and then take responsibility for that. Not in a way that insinuates guilt, but in a way that promotes growth, so in the future, with any potential partnership , we be sure to put in our part in ensuring our partners emotional needs are met as much as our own. Human beings are so complex, and we tend to allow ourselves to be ruled by our egos rather than logic, and I swear, our egos are usually our worst enemy.
Very well articulated! I completely agree with you and I had to learn it the hard way.
Often we change who we were when we met and even if that change seemed positive it may have been a big part of the bond for our partner. We often seek people with traits we wished we had more of ourselves
They’re was no conversation just anger I did three times I’m out very painful and petty child behavior with bad intentions!
Regarding extended family. I would say with the exception if every person in those families are aiming so far down you need to concern yourself with yourself and your children aiming towards the Logos and taking care of the fruits of your family tree. There is a great pamphlet -- Alcoholism the Merry Go Round of Denial. It speaks of how everyone is a bit player on the stage of alcoholic or addict being center stage, the main character in the drama. Everyone who supports him in his disease, denial and addiction is responsible, accountable and culpable for their part.
12 Step program is vital for everyone - family, friends, addicts for true recovery. We are truly powerless and our lives become unmanageable.
Yes cheating will never be an excuse,he cheated on me earlier when we are still new but I forgive learned to heal but the probblem,heis a fickle minded person and keeps on changing his mind,oftentimes I felt I could not trust this person anymore,it is hard when you love him but you could hardly trust him
Are you still together?
Oh I'm so thankful and grateful that I watched this I'm still healing and I'm single and I'm okay with it
such interesting perspective!!! truth is the true glue that holds us together if we can manage that!!!
👍
Say YES!
The damage leave you open to other damage from others. It is worse than it seams.
i can forgive the years of betrayal, but its really hard to forget ! Still a pain- years later
I love listening to Dr Peterson... Brilliant!
Glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot!!!
I regret so much
I broke his trust while he always made sure that i could trust him and be opened about anything
I didnt trust him and lied and betrayed him
I regret so much cause he was the one person who understood me the most , someone who pushed me to be the best version of myself everyday , and i wish he could see , that I'm grown now as a person and will never do it again but its too late , he's gone and i wish him all the happiness cause he deserves someone better, i wish i could redo everything, i would treasure and love him unconditionally and be loyal to him
And what about being betrayed by a blood relative, mainly one of our parents? I think it is even worse.