How to Set Boundaries with Narcissists Without Saying a Word
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
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The Royal We has helped Millions to escape the grip of narcissistic abuse. Here’s a deeper look into what narcissistic abuse looks like and steps to heal from it:
Narcissistic abuse looks like:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often show little to no empathy for others, making it easy for them to manipulate and exploit. Narcissists use various tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, and devaluation to control and dominate their victims.
Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse:
Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their own reality and sanity.
Love Bombing: Showering the victim with excessive attention and affection to gain control.
Devaluation: Undermining the victim’s self-worth through criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Isolation: Cutting the victim off from their support systems to increase dependency on the abuser.
Triangulation: Using others to create jealousy or competition, keeping the victim feeling insecure.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
How to begin healing from narcissistic abuse:
Understand that you have been enduring narcissistic abuse. This awareness is the first step toward healing.
Get Help:
Work with The Royal We to get the tools to understand and process your experiences. Visit - www.jointheroyalwe.com
Establish No Contact or Low Contact:
Limit or completely cut off communication with the narcissistic abuser. This helps you gain emotional distance and begin your healing journey.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:
Engage in activities that boost your confidence and self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who value and respect you.
Educate Yourself:
Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge is empowering and can help you recognize patterns and avoid future toxic relationships.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices can all contribute to your recovery.
Set Boundaries:
Develop and maintain healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Connect with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Join The Royal We Support Group - theroyalwe.kar...
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Narcissists will bully you and then accuse you of being too sensitive.
@@barbarabuttler7647 They accuse you of their warped behaviors.
@@surfkat59 Yes! Sometimes they telegraph their own intentions by accusing us!
@@barbarabuttler7647 they live in fear because they think others have the same intention from their narrow self centered perspective, if you catch on to them they will shift the blame on you or someone else anything to look innocent and avoid taking any accountability
@@Angelthunder11 So true! It's all about image; they don't care about relationships.
I struggled with these accusations of being too sensitive (whenever I spoke up to defend) but did not know these are tactics of narcissists until watching these videos. Thanks.
My son was destroyed by a narcissistic wife. His spirit was beaten down. His heart was broken. His life was ruined. He died after 4 years of marriage, leaving a 3 year old daughter. Then, years later, his wife put a white rose on his grave, took a photo & posted it on social media with a message of love. She tagged me so I wouldn't miss seeing it. She intended to hurt me. She's very cruel, but I don't allow her any power over me, so obviously, she hates me. My granddaughter recently got married. My husband walked her down the aisle. Her mother was not informed of the wedding. Payback is best served silent.
It's Karma that pays them back... They reap what they sow. Why not block her?
Omg, how disgusting and sick is that! Karma 🙏🏻 I’m so sorry for what your son endured and your loss as his mum 😢❤
You have missed an opportunity to really "get" you daughter in law. She left a white rose on the grave. The perfect flower. The definition of a white rose is "I am not worthy of your Love". DIL WITHOUT knowing it told the absolute truth. She was and is not worthy of his or your Love.
Sending my deepest sympathy. ❤
So sorry for your son.
Demons are real, you have to starve them of what they want
And they definitely don’t like it!
What you feed grows, what you starve diminishes. I conquered a narc person by starving her of any attention, good or bad. She now hides from me in our social circle and is losing attention from others as well.
@@weissblau they always hide play dead when you starve them of attention reaction, they are always lurking watching you though even if it’s through others aka flying monkeys, it’s true others around them finally catch on and see through the deception
But they're not demons , demons have supernatural powers, they are just sick people. Stay away. But they don't have supernatural powers.
@@jch8376 that’s right they aren’t supernatural because they are created so they are subject to Gods authority even though they think they are superior aka Pride, God is divine Jesus is Divine, what does demonic mean? It means because someone has no conscious no empathy a lack of self awareness, they have done things to really hurt empathetic caring people, aka blaspheming the Holy Spirit, and due to these things they opened legal rights for dark spirits to reside in them, aka spirit of envy jealousy hate murder, immorality, lust, perversion, spirits of gluttony, greed etc… this is when dark spirits can use these empty vessels devoid of any good virtues aka Holy Spirit from God, and use them like puppets.
6When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. 7And he cried out with a loud voice and said, “What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore[c] You by God that You do not torment me.”
8For He said to him, “Come out of the man, unclean spirit!” 9Then He asked him, “What is your name?”
And he answered, saying, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” 10Also he begged Him earnestly that He would not send them out of the country.
Mark 5:6-10
Depriving a narcissist of you is so empowering.
❤🥂🙏🇺🇸
THIS‼️‼️‼️‼️
Totally 🎉
Yes! Walk away. That’s what my therapist has told me
Absolutely 👍🏼
The day you have to ask someone to respect you is all the evidence you need to know they are disrespectful and no good for you.
right!!! wow
And on that day you realize they will not change.
Yeah, true, but it's my dad and caregive for my ill mom so unfortunately, can't get away from him. 😢
So, so true!
People can only respect others as much as they respect themselves. Same with love....and hate.
Never complain. Never explain. // My life = My rules.
Oh, I really love that !!!!
This was Katherine Hepburn's motto. She was a very strong emowered woman!
I’ve met a number of narcissists,over the years I worked it out, I’ve been doing this for some time, it feels good. Its a bit like living with an alcoholic,its called detachment.
Perfect ! @jansefran1752 this is the perfect thing to do ❤
@@jansefran1752 Brilliant! Had I only known 40 years ago!! 😢Alas, Better Late than Never! 🙌
Silence is a language
Well spoken.
When you are not with them, that is a boundary.
It also feels like an air freshener 😊
True
Perfect
That's the time they want to destroyed everything in your life they are so evil 😢
@@GermanieDarling
True
Narcissist should be considered as domestic abuse and prison time.
Definitely
Agreed 💯
I've had two narcissist in my life. I'm a big empath and both of these people know it and abuse and it. My 1st one was the father of my 2 children and I had a hard time getting him out if my life. I was naive young and unaware of what a narcissist was so I tried for 7yrs to make it work to keep my family together and then finally realized it would harm and had harmed my children mentally keeping him around so long. For 3 more yrs I tried to get rid of him and he would break into my house refuse to stay away more than 3wks at a time and stole money from me. He ruined my life. He beat me and tortured me and lied about me and made me look crazy and oddly I'm a very peaceful person. I don't like to fight I avoid it at all cost and I believe you can talk out any argument peacefully and even agree to disagree and still be able to move on. Not him he only wanted to fight. 5yrs ago I met my current boyfriend and I moved in a year later with him and my ex hasn't found me and has tried to really hard through my family and friends and as far as he knows.. is I moved out of State. Now my new boyfriends mother is a covert narcissist and she is in a lot of ways more toxic bc she's a secret liar and spreads lies about me behind my back while doing her best to smile to my face like a snake. I however was aware very quickly this time who she was. She didn't like that. She is emotionally incestuous with her son. She treats him like a husband and he recently realized she's done it since he hit puberty. He's her golden child who is successful and her daughter isna Trans woman who was born male. She ignores her existence as much as possible and claim how open she is to her decision in front of people that aren't against it. Behind closed doors she calls her by her given name Cameron out of disrespect. She gets angry if me or her son invite her to a lunch or holiday event. She refused to allow her to go to family events lying saying her and her son was going to dinner like she doesn't know and bashes her the whole time at the family event ofbher family. She claims to me they don't like her but then says right in front of me like I'm stupid that she had anxiety or she would've came. I'm going to make this as short as possible. I have goes no contact with her and her son is trying too and is in therapy from her abuse. I have brought it to his attention and he is bipolar and she's known this but she took him off his medicine in high school so she had more control over him and only had him on medicine for a yr when he was in late middle school and rhe school pretty much demanded it. I helped him to get back on his medicine snd hes harder for her to manipulate now. She said I was trying to poison him with medicine and he told her no he feels better. Then I was trying to controlling manipulate him by helping him find a good therapist for him when really shebisnjust afraid he's going to see her for who she is with the help of the therapist. She tried to tell him I stole from her but forgot she told him she wanted me to give me something. When all else fails and she figured out she wasnt going to get her dates 4 to 5 times a wk anymore bc again I've barely touched on it but she treats him like her husband and I'm the cheating mistress homewrecker. She resorted to claiming that I told her I was going to unalive him. That was the beginning of the end for her regarding their relationship. She's in the stage now of acting like she cares again. Still no accountability for anything she's says or an im sorry.shes tried the victim with everything she's done to me and in fact tries to say I said those things not her which doesn't even make sense if I did but she sticks to that story and if they weren't so vial it would be funny but it's not. I think thats long enough for this but trust me there is so much more. Oh I do need to say one more thing.shws even tries to get him into her bed several times since know him. She has him take her to events and drive her in her car so it's a lot more like a date for her. Feeds him beer gets him drunk refuses to drive him home but will drive them back to her house trying to convince him to just stay the night all the way home and then try to convince him to just sleep with her. Its really gross and weird and he calls me to come get him. I get looks from the devil herself the whole time and she wont speak a word to me like I ruined her sex life and its extremely triggering to me and upsetting. He said she's never SA him but I feel like it wasn't from a lack of trying. I'm concerned she might try to hurt me or him but mostly me to get me out of his life. That way she can try to abuse him again. She and my ex should be in prison but they are such master manipulators they've been conned the police or conned people to believe they are the victims so they never get charged for anything.
Agreed!!
So true, unless they are physical then it’s their word against ours. Narc abuse - covert type, has got to be the most insidious form of abuse as its as subtle as it is dangerous 😢
The more boundary you set the more they want to break it. They poke until you explode.
Exactly!!!!!
🎯
@@Melva-Tjong you have to set the boundary and never announce it, speak very little give no details or personal info
@@Angelthunder11 many thanks for your advice. I really appreciate the community of narcissists’ survive.
When you do that ..I do that ..
Married to one.. a living nightmare 😮Till God gave me 3 THINGS..
1. Do not DEFEND yourself.. silence can not be misquoted
2. WALK AWAY ..be responsible for what you allow..
3. TAKE CHARGE .. take
your power back.. talk less.. they DO NOT deserve to hear your voice.. just do
Silence can't be misquoted!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaas!!
How long can you keep up living this way with a "loved one"? And how long have you been married?
Thank you so much for sharing! I needed this!
I’m learning.
❤ thank you for this!
My boundary is to stay away!! Period!
❤
Run!
I think however that they deserve to learn why, first. Otherwise we've missed a teaching opportunity. And like little kids, we can't expect them to be psychic. And then they can't claim that we never said anything. They were told.
Staying away from in personal life is doable. Haven’t quite figured out how to stay away from in my career /professional endeavors. Learned to avoid them as much as possible but yeah still a challenge
Finally, a healthy comment from a healthy person 👏👏👏There are some seriously deranged people here putting the blame on the narc for thier own issues.
They bully you, accuse you, and when you confront them they accuse you of playing "the victim."
Exactly!!!!
sounds all too familiar
DARVO
Because that's what they do.....ay the victim all the time.
@@Astar9988 BINGO.
The only things they can’t challenge is your silence and your absence. It drives them crazy and keeps you safe.
Once I did this, ALL the narcissistic ppl in my life disappeared. I’ve never had more peace.
Me too! The covert ones were the hardest to disentangle from.
I’m happier alone!
Me too. Living my best life now which burns their butts even more.
Rule 5 of Narcissist Fight Club:
The more you Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain yourself (JADE), the more vulnerable you become.
Stop arguing and JADE'ing with Crazy. It will, inevitably, make YOU crazy!
Yes
I'm going to use this acronym from now on. THANK YOU!!!
@@sneadaleighsonright!!
I️ had to do this very thing with a toxic friend. I️ calmly communicated my boundaries and they chose to continue to act as if I️ didn’t say it.
My job is to enforce my boundaries and hold the person accountable if they cross them.
NOT my job to manage the other person’s emotions.
Chucked my deuces up and kept moving. ✌🏽
@@Soul_Human_Expgood for you and well done ❤🙏
My boundary is strictly NO CONTACT whatsoever and that's how it's gonna be for the rest of my life. Life is so beautiful without narcissistic creatures in my life. So beautiful indeed ✌
Same here! Amen to that!
True I'm thinking to do the same 🤔
Best is when they call your bluff and flounce off fully expecting you to run after them. Once they suddenly realise that you’re not going to, they start the smear campaign. So now all their flying monkeys give you the same treatment and ignore you. Bingo! It’s like the whole year’s worth of trash took itself out. Rid of the whole bloody lot of them without lifting a finger. I kept my distance, they can’t come crawling back without losing face. It’s the beginning of the most peaceful existence. I’ve never been happier.
1) Integrity 2) Focus 3) Authenticity
I ❤ this!
I can't be authentic around him. I must be vigilant at my own integrity and focus, but in order to do that I must be VERY SUPERFICIAL around him.....Not genuine at all.
@@POS3278 Can you stay in your power. I'm going to try it.
Yes💯
Mr. JR82, AND tenacity
Just treat them like you would treat anything your allergic to 😊
😂 I think I will!
I am allergic to them. Once I know they're narcissistic I cannot stand to be in their presence: it's one part fear, one part disgust.
Love this
THAT IS THE BEST EVER SAYING I HAVE EVER EVER HEARD ! THANK YOU
🤣🤣🤣🤣
If you dance w the devil, the devil doesn’t change you do!
Well said 😮
I didn't change. I escaped.
@@FiringSquad81Good for you!! No Contact is the only solution
I wish I heard this when I was younger, my choices in life would be different!!!!
Never too late 🤔
Me too
They see it as a weakness that they somehow turn around and blame you for.
You can not reason with pure evil.
What helped me was forgiving the offenders. Not that I approved of what they did, but I’m not seeking revenge. I gave my bitterness and anger to the good Lord Jesus. Allowing Him to have His will with my enemies. Thank you.
I did too 😊
And it feels good.
@@vibekes2416yeah, that’s the best approach. By the way, Remember Jesus’s words ‘you wouldn’t have power over me if my father would not had gave it to you’. And also remember for how long David was mortified and pursued by Saúl before he became king. That by the way, that was what Saúl was trying to prevent all along 😅
@@cocococococo7091
That's right 😊
Thank you for this confirmation; I still struggle with this…..people who were abusive to me who have died…..but ( for MY peace) I need to 100% forgive them. I say to God, “I remove myself as judge; I give the gavel to YOU.”
Bless you for sharing 🙏😇
Same here except with Buddhist teachings.
Yes, it's like trying to get along with bullies and make them respect you.
Thanks 🙏
KNOW your worth! Don't go for less.
@@susannabonke8552 exactly this!! Be self sufficient in everything and your worth more than gold.
@@Lyrielonwind only silence makes them respect you, shut them down if they come in for a Hoover make it clear you are not letting them back in, don’t explain why
@@Angelthunder11Not sure about the “makes them respect you”…a true narc doesn’t respect anyone including themselves! It is a mental deficiency/disorder that requires confrontation and deep cleansing of the constant toxic attitude!
@@Rixster53 very true which is why you must keep them in the dark literally because they already are in darkness, do not let them read your emotions easily. Even Peter who loves Jesus betrayed him and denied him 3 times, he didn’t want to accept that Jesus was the cup even though he had all the evidence, Jesus rebuked him and said get be behind me Satan. Jesus knew it wasn’t even Peter it was the spirit of deception in Peter…
When you spoke your boundaries, they were able to see exactly where the line was. Essentially, say as little as possible to a narcissist. Stay focused in their presence. Do not act like a people pleaser, do not be friendly. Don't fight, dont be friendly, be professional. Then get them out as soon as possible. Visit over!
Perfectly said. I finally learned this and practicing it consciously and faithfully has made my life so much better; I feel free now, and comfortable with myself.
Settling matters in words requires willingness to cooperate. Narcissists need to always win.
Narcissists hate themselves . The only time they don't feel like garbage is when they're controlling someone.
1000% accurate!!!!
In healing from narc abuse (x3), I am still not convinced that they hate themselves.
@@joysachs9032you can't set boundaries with these people without the police and courts invovled..and even then still.... they don't respect boundaries. If you don't speak at all they will still scream and berate you til they get tired of course if you have to live together. It's exhausting. Phuck them all. Vessels that demons live in, literally. The craziest shit I've ever experienced.
, it's inside themselves, they are miserable. Think of it this way: "Happy Campers" just don't go around hurting people.. Happy people want other people to be Happy, Secure, Safe, and at Peace
💯
Kevin, those people unknowingly gave you free classes & training for your career & made you #1. You get the last laugh.
Yes it is the last laugh!
Lol
Exactly ❤👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Excellent point of view!
❤
Wow. Such a powerful thing- don’t tell them your boundaries (because that will just make them want to cross them even more!). Just live your boundaries.
Psalm 1:1 KJV
[1] Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, Nor sitteth in the seat of scornful.
Amen!!!
Amen
I just heard this verse on the radio this morning!
Amen
You hit a nail on its nail. Narcissists have no respect to your boundaries.
Not a boundary until YOU take action. You cannot just order people around. YOU have to tell them what YOU will do when they do XYZ. Then do it!
Thank you Kevin.
Here is a recent example of how I recently set a unspoken boundary.
I ran into my narcissistic neighbor. I usually grey rock him. He started to complain about his health problems. In the middle of his story, I said, goodbye. I walked away. As I’m walking away from him, he is screaming my name. I didn’t turn around nor went back to where he was. I acted like I didn’t hear him. When I locked the door to my home, I was happy and content.
Two days later, we saw each other. He said nothing. I smiled. I walked to my car. If he never talks to me again, it would be like winning a lottery.😊😊😊
wayda go.
This was awesome read 😂😂😂
Be careful. I tried that with mine and he set about destroying my reputation.
@@EL-gu8fv Thank you for the warning. The people who know me and care about me will know he is lying if he does a smear campaign. They are the only ones who matter.
Besides I have been through the smear campaign multiple times. The truth has come out.
Be careful with those people. He could try to destroy something belonging to you. I have some neighbors, not very nice, and sometimes I wonder if they are the ones doing things behind my back
Just cut ties with anyone that robs you of your peace period.
I’m a big time “quitter” and “avoider” because I just up and leave toxic people and places
Wisdom 😊
Nicely done!
❤
Same, it’s the only way to protect/show self love to yourself.❤
I think I do this too.
The only problem with this message is that you're assuming that we're all adults with the independence TO walk away, but I was a child living with narcissist parents until I was married at 28, and due to health issues and the control and deceit of my parents had absolutely nowhere else to go. I couldn't work full time (I still can't) so i couldn't afford to leave, and I had no support system that could save me. I was suicidal from 13 years old and tormented and threatened and now am trying to undo a lifetime of damage and save my health so i can live a full lifetime. Just be aware that not everyone is privileged enough to walk away.
Good point
Exactly! When he made the statement about narcissistic abuse being a result of being with people, we have no business being with, I cringed. I agree in the case of choosing friends or romantic relationships, but it is not a one size fits all statement. Like you, I was born into a toxic family .
@@leahleigh7958 Wishing you a better life moving forward 💓
So….you are teaching us to do what the narcissistic people do? Diminish their importance, skip the effort to communicate first with them and go directly to avoidant/going dark discarding them, diminishing their importance in our lives? Aren’t these things narcissistic people do?
I agree with you. Everyone can’t walk away from such people. But God will help those who can’t protect themselves. All these things will help you to grow in spirit and depend on God more. God is watching everything and he cares for you. Be of good courage and rejoice in Him and He will set you free.❤
Boundaries are not what you tell them to not do. It is making it clear what you will not tolerate
Refuse to entertain them...walk away ..this will leave them bewildered.
Truth. Honesty, and clarity. Most people are at a loss. Narcissists are walking talking sponges of energy from everyone
Create a good authentic frequency and it will tune into other good authentic frequencies and attract. Narcissists can’t get on your frequency when you’re finely tuned to consciousness because they’re unconscious.
Very well put. But careful, by interacting with them they brake that connection bit by bit. That's why no contact is better.
@@veronical3135Sometimes you can't avoid narcissistic people.
@@Morgan313
THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! 😅
A good authentic frequency attracts bad or good people! Everybody wants a piece but not all will treat you fair! You have to use your discernment , which ones are worth your energy ,and which ones who aren’t.
I struggle to verbalize my boundaries. I just want to avoid and stop talking altogether with no explanation.
Even if you voice your boundaries, they still do not know how to give any respect.
@@alexandria3004 because you already know it will be pointless to voice your boundaries that only works with someone who is empathetic and understands. Set the boundary with them and with yourself and don’t announce it don’t explain just reject them discard and show indifference
@@Angelthunder11Be prepared to walk away after you set them. Otherwise, boundaries are useless
Advice starts at 4:30
Just say "I prefer not to do that".
They stop laughing, playing, smirking ect … when you stop engaging - all together. You’re so right ! I did a full blown stop against everything going on in their life & living my happiest life ever now !
Integrity, focus, and authenticity for peace and joy! Well said! Thank you!
My narc would take my truck and be gone all day, not respond to text/calls..... I put a club lock on it. I never said a word about it but the boundary was set. He asked my adult kid if she had a key for it and not me. He would make statements of "I wanted to move your truck" or "I wanted to work on it, but I don't have a key". Boundary set & enforced.
Why are you taking ownership by say “ my” narc. Like it’s your own special personal narcissist
Boo Yaa!!! Good Job😂😂😂
So true. You actually give them more fuel and power by announcing a boundary because then they know how to argue with you. Instead LIVE your boundaries. It gives you the power. You do not need to tell or explain to anyone. You show by your actions or lack of action. It drives the narcissist crazy because they have no idea what you are doing and they effectively have "lost" control over you, the situation, and the outcome.
Yes. Exactly... It is None of their business, how I feel, or what I am doing
This makes sense alot
As an introvert. I can confirm this is the best video ever on dealing with narcissists. 💯
I thought the same 👍
I don't think I'm an introvert, but I absolutely agree that this is the BEST!!
You are correct. Actions speak louder than words. Distance yourself from people you do not resonate with.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
WTF how many videos have you cut and paste your bullshit into?
the priority is not to strive for everyone's understanding and recognition - but to make everyone respect you!
You can’t MAKE anyone do anything. But YOU have to decide what YOU will do when they don’t respect you.
@@brendarewan7441 Actually, you can make them stop doing certain things by drawing clear boundaries.
THIS. Exactly what I’ve personally experienced. And it was recently tested when I went to an event by a guy in my industry. Interacting with him personally it became abundantly clear to me that he’s a narcissist, but I never took his bait. I experienced him try at least a half dozen times to reel me in, but I didn’t bat an eyelash. And actually, the more he tried the more I made it pretty obvious that I was bored. BIG bonus points for me. It feels really good to see how strong I am now and how much I’ve healed from all that previous bullshit installed by my flat out evil father.
I have to live with my 91 year old demented and narcissistic mother because of her anxiety attacks. It is TOUGH as hell. I avoid her at all costs. A real negative and manipulating control freak. I can't stand being anywhere in her presence. Neither can anyone else. She constantly complains non stop. It's "societies fault" for her woes. As for me being her only son (I'm 64) I am her enemy, because I refuse to wallow in her self imposed misery and negativity. Again, I maintain the silent treatment, or leave the house and hang out with my friends or slap on my headphones and play guitar. Anything to avoid conflict.
Maybe wearing earphones will help you when you have to deal with her in terms of feeding her or whatever. That would enrage her but you don't have to listen to her nonsense.
You can't help her with her panic attacks because she needs to hear you first to help her co-regulate.
I've tried with two people who were very anxious to teach them to breathe deep and slow which helps managing anxiety... They refused the help, got upset with me and I didn't bother with them anymore. They ended up showing their true colors; covert narcissist playing the pity game for supply.
I was the only one who could help my aunt (rest in peace) that way during a panic attack but first I had to silence her husband (he must be in hell) and my narcissistic sister who were making everything worse.
I really recommend diaphragmatic breathing and guided meditation with earphones. They won't fix your life but help the more you do them and you will save yourself of her talking. Remember you can't change people. That took me time to accept with my saviour complex.
Best wishes 🙏
@Lyrielonwind I DO put on headphones and watch CZcams videos to avoid hear her incessant rants. I do the same while practicing playing songs on my guitar. Plug in the amp and Im in bliss.
I can’t imagine 😢
They always use illnesses to seek your empathy, she’s tormented by demons in her conscious for things she’s done that is why she has panic attacks, I hope you find a way to distance and heal
Why do you have to live with her ? You owe her nothing . Warmest from me in australia
When speaking boundaries, there is a particular way of doing it. You tell them that if they continue in a particular way, towards you, that you will no longer participate, then you mean what you say.
Yes. Boundaries without consequences are just wishes.
I think with most people this works but not with those that show signs of personality disorders.
For myself, I started distancing for holidays, birthdays and I stopped being a people pleaser with my family. I was doing all the inviting, hosting and planning. Once I stopped, due to Perusing my career/goals/wants, I really did attract what I needed. The less I was around these people the better I felt. I am grateful for all the times we had. Then I reached a point where I couldn’t level up unless I made some room for me and my desires. It’s been years and I can breathe and not be involved in the chaos.
You don't always need to tell people what you'll do if they disrespect you or your boundaries. Many times people are not willing to actually follow through, and sometimes you can't even know what consequences are doable. Decent people don't need to hear consequences to respect boundaries. They just need to know what the boundaries are.
Not that easy.
Just don't talk to them anymore. That's what I've done. Works great.
Oh how I wish I could do this. But unfortunately, it’s different when it’s a former spouse who you share minor children with.
@@kyliCatherine1
That struggle is REAL. I'm in the same boat. They are truly the devil.
This stuff should be taught in schools
I got narc in laws and my husband was much the same
I thought (if I try harder. Jump higher. Explain myself and STOPPED being *sensitive*
F..... A wasted life. Now 55 yr old son has trashed me
ME. No Contact. Sad but it is what it is... TY
My neighbor. I was so naive and trustworthy. Constantly monitored me. She would say weird comments indirectly. It made me paranoid now talking to new ppl, like i just wait for it, its aweful to feel. finally the truth came out that she was talking behind my back to another neighbor. I put up a fence and finally have peace.
"Good fences make good neighbors."
I need fence too 😂
When I’m around a narcissist I haven the 4 word rule. Never engage in a conversation with them.
The 4 words…
Yes
No
I don’t know
Maybe so.
It gives them nothing to work with. Works like a charm.
Hmmmm very good I must try that. I've a neighbour always catches me when I'm in my backyard. Everything I sigh and sure enough listen to absolute offensive conversation. She talks fast to get in as much as possible thats hurtful as quickly as possible before I get away
I was hated by my narc in-laws (no no/low contact) because I was authentic from the beginning. It took me 20 years to finally walk away, but it took hitting rock bottom (trying to live up to their crazy expectations of turning into them) to make the space that I needed to heal. The pandemic was the final nail in the coffin and I barely spoke a word to them as I walked away. It was the best thing I ever did. I've also just gotten out of a work environment where my boss treated us staff horribly! I have taken over her position (due to her retiring) and I've learned what I don't want to be as a boss because of her treatment of staff the families that we work with. I don't know how she didn't get fired and she was there for 41 years. She is a miserable, lonely person.
Thanks for the name . Narc in laws!! 😂
Narcicisstic people always trying to pick a fight and blame it on the victim. Its good to stay away from these people and set boundaries. Very interesting video
Your decision and action to stay away set the boundary.
I’ve taken this route all along. Once I began learning about narcissistic behavior and could figure out that these people are intentional, not playing and me saying no caused them to act like they wanted to have me like a chipmunk under their heel, my feeling was, “You think YOU mean business?” Heck, I won’t even say anything that lets them know I’m aware of what they’re doing, let alone plead with them not to. I remain polite 👉🏽 but I become scarce, if not disappear altogether. Let them stand there, like idiots, trying to figure out what happened. Don’t bother wasting your time, arguing with someone, who wants to rebut and keep you engaged, over their excuses and lies about what they’re doing. As the saying goes, “Stop giving people excuses. They know EXACTLY what they’re doing.” And if they don’t and you’re absence causes them pain, they’ll have to learn the hard way. Because, when you’re dealing with adults, you’re not here to raise them.
When it came to my narcissistic mother, she was warned 3 times, “Keep up the behavior and I’m leaving.” I don’t think that was dementia. More like the arrogant goose that thought she laid the golden egg so, I wasn’t going anywhere. Surprise, I did. I wasn’t playing. She’s now passed. Neighbor? Once I’ve said no to being your free caregiver, don’t bother trying to get another neighbor to coerce me. It is no and you’ll die waiting for yes, so she died waiting for yes. “Friend” tries to move into my house, without discussing it with me, understanding I’m clear on narcissistic behavior recognition? Well, you took your chances. G’bye. Am I squirming over my own boundaries and losing people who meant me no good? No. Better off without them and their actions and words made it clear, that I would be.
You are a boundary Boss!
@@barbarabuttler7647 and it seems harsh and cold. But, it became ABUNDANTLY CLEAR to me, that if I didn’t have solid boundaries, I’d be destitute, dead or want to be dead. Something about my personality, causes these people to believe I won’t even save myself from them. Then, they become painfully aware that, I will. As I said to that “friend”, “Warm smile. Take no prisoners.” As empathetic as I feel I am, because I’m always nice to people and kind and loving to animals, I have zero empathy for narcissists. So, maybe when I deal with them, I become an indifferent psychopath. Not sure.
My motto with all toxic individuals i have to deal with. " I can show you better than i can tell you!" ( Unspoken of course) They aren't and don't listen anyways 🙄. Stop wasting your breath!!!
Thank you! Excellent “motto” 🙌
Two things that helped me:
(1) Understanding what my values are. I always assumed they were "everyone's" values. I finally realized that my values are different from those of my family and my neighborhood. That was probably one of the reasons why I was so vulnerable: I never really bought in to their system.
(2) I stopped making announcements to people. When I stopped explaining and warning them, I cut off their ammunition supply. No more, "I'm not going to talk to you about this." No updates on what I'm doing in my life. A good answer to "So, what's new?" is "I have nothing to tell you."
exactly. I have realized that "hey what have you been doing?" like a normal person would say is just the beginning of a barrage and a gate opened for the narc (as if they were waiting for it they were going to do it anyway) I agree totally with your number 2. No more listening to them talk about themselves and what the newest they have is. Sticking to business at hand is the best. Changing the subject may be a challenge to them, but who cares? Change it again and again back to the weather or the road construction in the area.
Thanks, I fell into the trap of assuming most people have common values. This is far from the case.
Beautiful: "we have no business" with these people nor do we have business thinking about them.
THANK YOU!
Oh that's useful, thanks!
Note to self: stop giving them head space
OMG … I can’t believe I came across your video today, which I really needed to hear. I have spent the last six years living beside noisy, narcissistic neighbours (the entire family of five is narcissistic), who constantly encroach into my private space with loud noise; and deliberately do the things I requested (verbal boundaries) that I requested that they respect. Got no where with this … today I decided even before I viewed your video, that I would no longer give them any of my attention to their ‘bullying’ behaviour, react to their childish and crude actions and remarks! I really needed to hear this video today to take my power back, as it was really affecting my overall well-being in every way. I am a widowed senior female living alone; and I felt like my safety in my own home was being compromised! Bless you from the bottom of my heart for these valuable insights. I look forward to taking my life back from these jerks!
😢🙏🇺🇸as a young lady it pains me to hear your widowed and dealing with narracism!!! I married a covert one for almost 30 years! Thank Gid I’m out and he is right! Don’t give them attention they thrive off of positive and negative attention
Oh, I am sorry 😢... I had ones like that next door for 12 years! Rude. Rude. Rude. Plus, they damaged my property. I think the man was a thief, too. Finally they moved... Best day of my Life
@@patriciaalbertson5183 Thank you for your kind words and insight … truly appreciated!
@@Portia620 Thank you for your kind words and insight … truly appreciated! I’m hanging in there; and may resort to calling the police and taking legal action against them to stop them once and for all.
Just to be on the safe side...alert your local police of the problem next time it happens and tell them you feel threatened and do not want to be identified to the neighbors, but would appreciate an officer drive by now and then to check things over in the neighborhood. If they see or hear anything out of the ordinary, they will address the issue and you don't need to be involved.
Narcs love it when you complain, they love to see you suffering, angry, sad, upset, it makes them feel powerful, its the only emotion they feel.
Their worst nightmare is seeing you laugh like its a joke, it never mattered.
You forgot to add that They also feed of your FEARS. 😢
My husband destroys me every time l am or look happy. I now turn his nasty comments into jokes and piss myself laughing! Oops...he is sooo confused and hates it🤣
True! It worked yesterday.
@@debbiemcindoe3779 Get out now!
😮. Thank you. You put into words the exact experience I am having setting boundaries with a narcissist in my life. Setting verbal boundaries is simply fodder for far more abuse.
I told my MIL that her new daughter-in-law doesn't like the shortened form of her name. She smiled from ear to ear and has never failed to use the shortened form for over a decade. I finally just moved away. No boundaries have ever been respected. None.
That's why a boundary must always be connected to a Consequence
This is why I hate it when people say you have to tell people what your boundaries are.
Nailed it
I went through same been there done that
I became silent began distancing myself from them living my own life with integrity fully intact morals along with values standing tall with me having honor with god
Stoicism wisdom
Regain your power 🙏🙏🙏💪💪💪💪♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
When the argument is over and you’re having a heart to heart, telling them how much this and that hurt you and telling them what they need to do to make the relationship better and stronger, they are just taking notes on ways to do the opposite and to use it against you next time… you’re just giving them an instruction manual! Sad and sickening but true 😢 When you finally figure them out and realize these things you can’t even throw it in their faces, you better not at least, regardless how bad you want to. You have to go it alone, working against them or you’ll continue to lose your sanity 🤷♀️ You’re living with the enemy.
They need your presence to feed off your Energy. You just made me realize this.
Absolutely. The other person doesn't even have to be a narcissist. You know you're living a free life when no matter who you're around, you keep your integrity, focus and authenticity.
I Agree 100% with This. I started being SILENT and just living my life with Boundaries. It really Works. ❤🎉
They gaslight you.. they push your buttons and when you react they are like; gotcha! Then they sit back, feeling superior, because they have some power now.
This is excellent advice. Do not engage or be drawn in. Be diplomatic and professional. I always hit the imaginary pause button, so I can choose my words wisely. Do not react, be proactive-minded.
Boundaries, set them and keep them in place. Don't compromise.
❤️ God bless those out there who need inspiration and love🙏
Pure gold!
Yes 24 carat !!
There are many on you tube teaching sbout narcissim. And they are good. But you have an understanding that goes so deep that you are on a different level---- very unique. I thought I l knew alot but your high IQ analyses have opened a rare world.not available elsewhere. You were born to do this snd we are so grateful .
It's not IQ my friend it's EI.
Emotional Intelligence ❤
This motto set me free….. I don’t see you. …. You are invisible. Thank you for sharing.
I think the hardest part is dealing with pushback, when all you want is inner peace and to be treated with respect. By doing so you are labeled as insensitive, mean, and unforgiving.
What I'm finding is if you stop playing along, they get bored and go away. Of coure these are ones I'm not forced to see for work or family.
I'm finding that as well and I've been feeling extremely relieved, not to mention overjoyed, about highly narcissistic individuals who've stopped contact, or defriended me on Facebook, or avoid me in real life!
I didn't like to hurt their feelings and/or had valid concerns about angry responses if I did that to them, which happened in the past.
I've wasted a LOT of time and energy being with them though and spent many hours doing messages to those people, including family members.
I've learnt the hard way that it's best to stop at the FIRST signs of disrepectful, or downright abusive, behaviour!
I've still got a few people to go, but don't have much contact with them anyway. I don't talk to most of my neighbours who are that way inclined either, even though it's meant to be a supportive community. 🙂
I literally have stayed to myself away from my family, and I mind my own business and go about my life. I love it. Nothing spoken ever. I see them very sporadically, and thats good enough for me and my son.
I didn't say a word and I was physically assaulted, but restraining orders and going no contact with my husband's family did the trick!
Thank you for the advice .....what I do is just clam up and not say anything and leave the room
My boundary is the 6000km distance that I created between us! Now, me out of the equation for 16 years, seeing the narcissist fighting with the very same people who once were the flying monkeys is so enjoyable, amusing, and satisfying! 😃
THis is a great point that no one else has brought up. Spoken boundaries are a challenge and encourage narcissist's to either push your buttons even more or find another way to get to you. RIght on!
True, you say it so good. When I say what my boundaries are he and his family, (my ex) see that as a game or challenge. My suffering for decades is a 'game' for him! How disturbed is he!
Well done for turning away. I totally went ‘no contact’, and I was vilified for that decision, but I held my ground and stayed away. At the time I didn’t realise I was making the right decision but I was just tired of the bad energy and constant judgement. I’m glad I did. 😊
Yes that happened to me. I didn’t totally stop speaking to my narcissistic mother but just called less and stayed away because it was exhausting. She complained to friends and they gave me a very hard time. They never understood, no matter how hard I tried. 😢
This is exactly what I decided to do! Thank you for reinforcing it! A loved one has become narcissistic because of illness and fear. I love him, but it has become extreme in the past five years. It almost killed me from self-neglect. Stated boundaries were ignored. Just this morning I decided I would live my life, and though I will respond to emergencies, I won't give up on my life. And I will live, but not talk about, my boundaries.
This year, this month, this week, today,, THIS MINUTE I needed to hear this! Thank you!!
Your silence cannot be misquoted.
🍀Just got done with a hundred percent on all points narcissistic landlady of a room I rented.
🍁 The rug - because I do have 2 Cats - I vacuumed and then I took a wet cloth and just wiped it for about forty five minutes.
🦋Then I took pictures of every square footage of it and the hallway - which was not my responsibility which had lots of stains.
🌺She came in and had been in there a couple of minutes and I was just finishing up - Then saw two spots of bright bright yellow mustard a little bigger than the size of a quarter.
🌷 Needless to say later I emailed her - I didn't say you planted two spots of mustard.
🌼 I just wrote FYI - I took extensive pictures of every foot and inch of that rug before you came in.
🍀 So yeah , they are very dangerous and you gotta protect yourself.🍀
I'm sorry you're going through this, may God help you on your journey!
My chosen family will find me Amen
This video was the boundary unlock. Boundaries are enfoced by walking away. Thats with everything. I never really understood what that meant. I thought it was stating them and then fighting for them. So much unnecessary pain in not getting the real definition decades ago. Wow
I saw this today after seeing an invite from my narc family member for a get together knowing I’ve been staying away from them for the past year. I almost was tempted but you reminded me, no I need to stay away. Thank you for the reminder. I felt nauseous all day but feel better now
You hit it real good with this podcast. It was a paradigm shift from the concept we had before. It works. Don't speak your boundaries. Live those boundaries.
Narcissistic people will charm you at first, then try to control you, and when you don't go along with them, their true colors come out. They can be cruel. Only in to themselves. I determined to not have them in my life. My family is better for it. Freedom and even better health is the result.
This video is spot on and fabulous!! How I wish I knew this decades ago. I also learned that words have a different meaning to a narcissist. In my experience I learned that when they say they care - they are curious. When they say they are concerned - they mean they what to control you. They never want to owe you respect or consideration - they want you to owe them, and ultimately they want to own you.
Narcissist, can be adult children too ?
They can be abused to their parents too, being a responsible parents what they supposed to do? You mentioned all relationships except parents and children.
Good to have knowledge to give and help others.
Absolutely true. Words are only fuel for the fire for a narcissist, always.
They are empathy impaired. Supply is the empathy they were never modelled as an infant.
Yes this tactic confuses and cuts them short. Eventually we come
to this level out of exhaustion.
Laughing at them works too 😂
😂 I love it!
It is true, when you vocalize your boundaries, all you're doing is giving them tools to hurt you with later. When I cut them out, they acted shocked and tried every trick in the book to get me to argue with them, get me to defend myself -- but there's no defending yourself against someone who is committed to misunderstanding you. They're not interested in reconciliation, it's a game to them. They just want to "win". The only thing that gets through to them is action. ....if it sucks, hit da bricks!
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to wake up to this morning. I needed this validation of my perspective of a conversation I had last night with someone I've never spoken with before. In my experience with narcissistic people, I've found it to be a red flag when someone latches on to you and calls you 'sister' and says they have a past life connection with you, in the very first conversation you have with them. It's a sign of one of two things: They are too desperate and needy and will suck you dry; or, they are love bombing to get you to open up and divulge to them what they can use against you in the future. It's never the 3rd thing you hope it will be...that you've actually met a kindred spirit. And, I just have no time and no more energy for that anymore. So, thank you for this message that bolsters my confidence and resolve to protect myself from nonsense.
Autistic and ADHD people often connect quickly AND GENUIENLY. They often have GREAT intentions and sometimes link into narcissists on accident, so don't assume ALL people who connect quickly will harm you but yes, be very cautious.
It's v important to go no contact ...the ultimate boundary.