A Response To: "You Can’t Approach Women Anymore!"
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- čas přidán 29. 08. 2024
- It's not that you "can't ever" approach someone. It's about understanding the right time and place and accepting no for an answer.
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I’m a 61 year old man. At 81, I still think my mom is one of the most beautiful people I know. When I was a little kid, I hated walking in public with her because dudes would hit on her all the time, and I somehow knew it was creepy. I distinctly remember how aggressive some of them would get, including one guy who actually grabbed her hand to check for a ring when she said she was married. He said he didn’t believe her because I must have been her brother, not her son. I think I started yelling “leave her alone” over and over again and that attracted enough attention that he walked away. That was at least 55 years ago. This crap is not new, it’s old. And because it’s old, it’s tired. And because it’s both old and tired AND demonstrably dangerous, it’s past time for it to stop.
I am sorry you had to deal with that. And I am sorry you mom had to deal with that too.
You know what the worst thing is? SA is so common that when I read your story I felt reliefed that at least someone understands what we woman go through. Even though the statistics are there, most man don't care and don't belief us when we say how common it is. That is the worst part. I have been molested by 5 diffrent people in my life and even my ex, male friends all think that we are over exaggerating and that it isn't that bad when we woman talk about things like this happening to us. It is insane.
I am sorry you and your mother went through that. I remember feeling the same about walking anywhere with my mom, so many creeps approached her and it always felt terrifying. Then I started getting creeps bothering me by about the age of twelve, only I never have looked as old as I really am so that just makes it worse. Since I was kid older men have thought it was OK to reach out and stroke my hair, or lean in to smell it. Makes my skin crawl every time.
Oh my lord, I love the message you so clearly delivered. Also, I'm sorry you & your mum had to go through that 💔
There’s a company that makes fake engagement rings with huge rocks to repel creeps. It doesn’t work
@@Cyhcg5uhgb I'm so sorry this happened to you and that people were so callous. If it's any consolation, in the US news broke recently about how many rape kits go untested. This is good news because now we can demand action. There are even federal programs that pay police to test the kits, which police stations can be informed of to encourage testing. Tell everyone you know that if they ever need it, they should get a kit done at a hospital and to take a picture including the serial number so that it can be properly tracked. We're a long way from improving things, but at least now the cards are on the table. Already this has led to mass testing which allowed the conviction of long "lost" criminals. It even made us realize that "stranger rape" and "aquaintance rape" are often committed by the same person, and that stranger rape is much more common than we thought. We also know that most rapists do not ahve a type and will rape women of any age, race, and in any outfit as long as they're in a situation where they can't escape. This means criminal profiling will get more accurate as we can connect more crimes to the same rapist, meaning only one of the crimes has to identify him for all those victims to receive justice. We're slowly getting a clearer picture of rapists and rape, and that can only help us catch and convict more rapists sooner to reduce victimization.
One time I was on a bus, and a guy came to me, was very polite, asked for my number. I had a boyfriend(now husband), so I refused and he, drumroll said 'Ok, Lucky guy, take care' and walked away. No one got upset, no one was hurt, no insults, 10/10. So it can be done
Great example.
I feel like it makes the person you asked feel complimented that they got asked out without any of the creepiness or toxic bs. It's not complicated.
Yes it is such a Nice surprise. I knew a guy and He would walk us to the car saying it's a Bad neighborhood and stay close at the club. { he was the lead singer to a local Big time Band} He asked me to date Him and when I told Him of My BF Now Husband. He said
"If anything Happenes with Him would You consider me as an alternative?" what a great guy and One of the Best in the Band scene.
Had another try and Beat me Up for Not drinking his drink and talking to Him. His drummer stopped him But still ran from that bullet
That is how you do it complement and goodbye. "My loss. I hope he knows how lucky he is. Good night."
Yep, or as I always say in those situations: "Okay, cool. Bye." and move on.
It blows my mind that guys will ask for a phone number of a complete stranger and even more blows my mind that there are women that will give it.
I'm a 52 yo white woman. This older white guy from my church wanted me to do a favor for him (some weird housesitting job that sounded creepy, so I said no). Now, he is going around our small town saying I borrowed $600 from him, and am avoiding him because I don't want to pay him back. He made that story up, whole cloth!! Because I told him no!
Then it's time for you to spread the TRUTH!!! ❤❤❤
He's from your church????? Ugh
@@suzannemcvicker617 pew warmers are the worst.
His reactions says a lot about his initial intentions. You dodged a serious bullet there!
Next time you see him coming towards you, turn your phone on and RECORD HIM. Surely he'll open his mouth and say something that will prove just how predatory he really is, and you'll be off the hook.
NO is a complete sentence. Back off period.
Female bartender here and I've heard & seen a LOT, wish I could unsee and unhear most of it. I've stepped in more than once to shut things down & other times have had to get a manager to deal with it for safety reasons.
Conversely, I did have a group of regular male patrons who would greet me with a smile and say polite things like "that's a pretty shirt" or "your hair looks nice today". I didn't have a problem with that because I saw them frequently and they never took it any farther than that.
Same. Also, customers who think you're being nice to get a date/hookup is so old. It's our job. Compliments on things we have control over, like clothes, are fine. After that, unless you know a women well, stick to anything you wouldn't mind a male inmate saying to you!
Please write a book.
Yes, and to men who catcall, "that's a nice shirt" is a compliment. Not what you think is a compliment, nor something you'd not want another man doing to you.
Rather than their body, compliment a person on something they did or chose, because that shows you're interested in them, not what you'd like to get from them.
Lucky you didn't have an issue with those compliments, other women do though. I've made similar remarks towards women and often it doesn't go down well.
There's a post on Instagram where a woman was out jogging with her ear buds in, and a man in a business suite was shouting sexually provocative things at her loudly enough to be heard through her ear buds. When she didn't respond, he shouted that she was a b*tch. She turned around to confront him and stopped when a small boy scolded him instead. The man slinked away.
How interesting that a young boy would hold more clout than a grown woman in this situation
There is hope for the future
@@mollyclarity Patriarchy ftw, I guess? At least someone is raising that boy to be a true good man.
@@ericastark614Except there are no wins for those who are not male.
@@mollyclarity I read this as "before she could confront him, the boy did." Clout or timing? Or both?
When we say don’t harass us and they respond “oh ok so we can’t approach you anymore,” it just shows that they don’t see the difference.
Reminds me of a thread I saw awhile back where there was a dude who's GF expressed she didn't like toxic/hyper masculinity, but still asked him to open jars and do man-things. He was legit confused at the difference. There's a massive communication issue somewhere.
The Venn Diagram of the men enraged by us choosing the bear, and the men who shouldn't approach us is a circle!
I don't experience these problems, luckily, but if you watch Tiktok, there are WAY too many women playing hard to get... when men respect boundaries, they get ridiculed for it. Is posted for millions! So, this is a problem for both genders, where good men and good women both suffer.
@@annekekramer3835 No this is not even close to the same problem for both genders. “When men respect boundaries they get ridiculed for it.” JFC it’s not a choice to respect boundaries, you do it, period. If there are some brats in TikTok making videos you don’t like, um oh well. That isn’t countered by men being overbearing or aggressive with women who are saying no. This is a classic example of men being afraid we’ll laugh at them while we’re afraid they’ll kill us and they’re always trying to conflate the two. Not gonna work.
@@annekekramer3835 I'm sorry, but then you just want a woman for the status, not because you like anything about the person. Someone playing hard to get is not healthy. Someone wanting you to not respect boundaries is not healthy. If you think those are actual possibilities and want to pursue someone who partakes in that, get yourself help because you have an unhealthy attachement style and could find yourself in a horrific relationship if left unreflected.
It's like those media tropes of the "needs fixing" bad boy. Only good in fantasy, those types of men are a nightmare to deal with in reality. Same way with women who "play hard to get". Accept a no and if someone ridicules you for it, be fucking glad you dodged that bullet.
I once told a guy who was hitting on me that I had a husband, and his response was, “He don’t gotta know.” The silence when I said he was literally on FaceTime with me at that moment and heard everything was almost worth having this guy trying to get me to hang out alone in his car or apartment. Major ass creep- he even ran off when I tried to get his name so I could report him to the command.
I once was in an "uncomfortable" situation sitting in a Taxi when the driver was hitting on me really aggressively (also with a weird vibe). So I said I was married which had NO effect on his approach. When he carried on asking for my nr and why I won't give it to him, I just said "Because my husband is originally... (add a cultural group with VERY conservative views here) and he will sh00t you". Then he laughed and accepted the no because he understood THAT kind of man. Horrible.
@@moonhunter9993 And these guys keep doing it because they just keep getting away with it; there are almost zero consequences to this type of behavior, but watch them chicken out the _moment_ there could possibly be any physical repercussions.
@@beeziebubs2756 they're cowards trying to intimidate women
The best response to that is to ask if your husband is into mmf threesomes!
@@beeziebubs2756 True.
This just happened to me outside my job. I was getting ready to walk in and some random guy walks up to ask me for a hug (never met him before). I said no, go hug yourself. So he starts touching his chest asking why I won't give him a hug? He needs a hug. I just went into my job and locked the door. This man came back after we opened while I'm helping a customer! I had to tell him I'm married to get him to leave me alone! And even then he reacted in anger, in front of other people! I was so embarrassed, but also pissed because my no wasn't enough. I had to be seen as another mans property before he listened to my no and even that was met with anger. To make matters worse he took his frustration out on my coworker by calling her fat and telling her she didnt need to eat anymore. I really don't care if men are upset they "can't" approach us anymore they need to get over their entitlement.
Sounds like he had mental health issues. Who the heck asks random strangers for a hug?? And persistent with it too 😳
What the f!!k??? That's so creepy
I'm sorry that happened to you. It's sad that it hasn't stopped. When I was younger, I took to wearing a wedding ring to get men to leave me alone. I'm going to be traveling soon and I'm thinking of doing it again at going on 63. I had a random sex addict (yes he told me) hit on me on the train in NY. I should have been more direct. He thought he was being subtle sitting next to me with his palm up taking about how he likes to hold hands and then about how difficult it is to get someone to hug you on the train. A STRANGER?? I asked.
And coming up to his stop, he talked about how much he didn't want to leave as if we'd just been on a date and he was hoping I'd invite him back to my place. Shudder. It was creepy.
I barely made eye contact and said very few words after I realized he was fishing.
@@EsmereldaPea Im so sorry you had to deal with that. You definitely should wear one, unfortunatelyit may not always be a deterrent. These men are unhinged nowadays. I met a man who was just like the guy in your train story only he was military and we were classmates. He told me he really liked sex and asked if I was okay with that, I said you can like whatever you want it's not my business. Anytime we had a conversation about literally anything he made it about sex. For example I talked about how I enjoyed true blood and game of thrones and this jerk went on full tangents about the sex scenes in each show and which ones were his favorites. I was so glad when that class was over.
@@colors4vana293 - ugh. That is so awful. The entitlement to women's bodies still has its nasty fingers firmly clutched onto today's woman's metaphorical breast. Blech.
Few years back in London it took the Underground home in the early evening. It was quite empty and this dude came over to speak to me. I was really tired and was wearing headphones, so I politely told him that I don't like to talk (after I made sure that he not simply had a question, ie where to go off). He kept going on and followed me when I changed to another line. My station is really quiet so I felt I had to go off on a station that was more busy and he followed me again. Outside on the square was a group of young women (all dressed up for a party) I went over to them and said that I am scared because this guy is following me. They were really nice greeted me with hugs and pretended to be my pals. We waited till he buggered off and than the brought me back to the Underground so that I could go home. I move away from the city shortly after and I am forever grateful for their help.
Holy shit, that sounds awful! I'm so sorry that happened to you, I'm so glad you knew what to do, and that friendgroup happened to be there! Voluntary internet hugs. 🫂
I’ve had to approach a guy before and say, “Hey, you’re my boyfriend. This guy is being a dick.” He was great and helped out. We became good friends and now, we’ve been married more than 15 years. 😂 So, he didn’t approach me, I approached him.
@@MsAubrey Straight up told a guy he was your boyfriend. That's a fun 'how'd you meet' story. I met my partner at college because we both dressed up as ninjas for Halloween.
Why would anyone try to talk to someone with headphones on? Only an idiot would do that!
I'm so glad you managed to get to safety, who knows what horrible shit a creep like that could have done if you didn't
Women mean what we say. We aren't being coy. We are NOT playing hard to get. We just mean what we say and we expect to be heard and respected.
Exactly. Those are good rules to go by. Listen to what people are actually saying. Love the name by the way.
Then they go with a random video of a woman saying the opposite and they act like that’s all women. No, she’s the minority, most of us say exactly what we mean.
Except when you do. Playing hard to get is inherently toxic behaviour that breeds other toxic behaviour.
Lets not pretend all men are bastards that can't take no while women are just innocently trying to be left alone. This is a complex web of behaviours where both sides have members being idiotic.
When someone says they feel they "can't aproach women anymore" don't just say this like its the whole story. Men can have bad experiences too. They can have gotten burned despite doing the right thing. We need to all encourage good behaviour and help out when it backfires.
No is such a small word, just two letters. I don't know how mentally challenged one would have to be to not understand it. Even a child knows what no means. They don't like to hear it, but they understand the meaning.
I found out the hard way that no means no, and yes also means no.
"Approach" as in talk with basic decency? Fine.
"Approach" as in "button-mashing this NPC until -something- works". Not Fine.
Approach, and say anything you wouldn't mind hearing from another man, in prison.
😂 That NPC line made me laugh.
Bruh, fr. These dudes act like it's the Sims out here.
@@carabiner7999 That is a good rule of thumb though genuine compliments that do not sexually objectify the person (complementing their beauty, style, hair) work, too... even if that is not something you may necessarily want to hear from another man. In prison. It will not get you an SA allegation like some men pretend these days (which is just downright ridiculous).
What a great way of putting it 😂
Women have been killed for saying no. Women have had drinks thrown at them, rocks thrown at them, insults hurled at them, for not giving a guy their number. There are men out there who are behaving extremely badly, and these so called "good guys" need to go talk to them for messing things up for regular guys, rather than blaming women for being scared!
There's also the issue of "that's not me" and "I don't know anyone who would do anything like that." Ugh.
From what I hear, I agree to all you wrote.
Can you tell me? What happens when something like this happens? Who calls the police? How does the barkeeper react? What about the bouncers?
These guys don't just get to go home or get to stay, do they??
@@lisastenzel5713 best case scenario, the woman (or whoever) gets a safe way out, like a cab from the back entrance the creep doesn't have access to and the creep goes home. Unless he actually committed a crime, then the police can be involved
Angel shots are helpful, should be implemented everywhere. Situational discretion. Bouncers I've known have been really good at gauging situations and acting appropriately, but mileage would certainly vary.
I say this in other video and my comment was erased 2 times. If men are doing bad things to women and ruining the reputation of all men as a community in the process is not women fault, it is the normal response don't want to be around men.
I hate when some men says that they don't need to do anything or modify the everyday things that they do, because is "not their problem", because they're "good men", and then blame women for being afraid. Like, if you're not going to help, don't make it harder for the people that really want to solve the problem.
Create safer spaces for women, and repair the damage is men responsibility because we create the problem. Now, we need to listen to women without judge, how we can make this happen? how i can show the people around me that I'm not dangerous or violent? And don't protect or defend bad behavior of other men, don't be an accomplice!
I mean, in all honesty, EVERY single guy I've heard loudly proclaim their annoyance with this are indeed the very men who should not be approaching women, lol.
There it is!
That's cause the single guys that feel this way that aren't bastards don't loudly complain. They don't feel like they're owed anything they just want to know what to do.
They ask why with compassion instead of complaining with entitlement
@@group555_I feel like I'm owed honesty, but I know that in our messed up society, that's dangerous.
So I just don't bother, I'd rather be single than be lied to.
For real tho. If you approach women when they're at work, when they're obviously preoccupied or trying to get somewhere, and then you proceed follow them around and call them a fat slut for rejecting you then yeah... maybe you shouldn't be approaching women. 😂
@@Nerobyrne Why do you feel owed?
It doesn't help that mainstream media are constantly presenting women as unaware of their own minds and in need of a man to help them realize that "no" isn't really what she means. "No" is simply a hurdle put down by women to test men's persistence and devotion.
True. It’s sooo ubiquitous. The book Why Does He Do That talks about how this is reinforced in our culture everywhere. Even movies considered romantic are really just a man wearing a woman down until she finally sees what’s good for her basically. Once you see it, you can’t unsee it and it’s disturbing.
Oh god, the whole "changing her mind after a stern rejection" trope needs to die. It's not realistic. It's not healthy. It's not romantic.
@@missinterpretation4984 The Big Bang Theory... one of the most popular shows in this millenia... is a show about a guy who sexually harasses women, a guy who doesn't even see women as humans, a guy who stalks his neighbor and a guy who sexually assaulted that neighbor.... all absolutely normalised and portraied as cute and quirky because they're nerds....
@@LoFiAxolotl I never watched that show but I can completely see what you’re saying. It’s literally baked into our culture. 🤢
@@LoFiAxolotlHey, sorry, I've watched a good portion of the big bang show, but I honestly don't see hwta you're talking about. I'm totally open to seeing it, but could you elaborate who is who, in what you're describing?
"If consent was the norm" 100% this
previous generations didn't get it... my generation didn't get it (Millenial) maybe the younger generations will... i hope atleast... was super happy when at my nieces school they handed out pamphlets about consent... not for sex ed or anything special just regularly... that would've never happened when i was in school... consent wasn't even a topic during sex ad
@@LoFiAxolotl I've seen children singing songs about consent, just consent in general. I love it! Maybe we've done some good work that will start showing up in the young ones. I hope.
@@LoFiAxolotlOmg, consent wasn't even a topic in sex Ed???? That's horrible!
Gen X here, in my sex ed class the teacher told us if a girl let a boy touch her chest anything that happened after that was her fault.
@@sipi2009 I think they mean the consent pamphlets were just given out independently from sex ed. As in people who don't have that class would still get pamphlets.
I’m a 60 yo married woman with adult children. I just had a conversation with 2 of my cousins (men, 40 and 45). They were complaining about getting shot down when approaching women. I asked if the ladies had made eye contacted and smiled at them. They answered “no”. I told them, “that’s your own fault. Don’t approach a woman who’s not waving you in with at least multiple eye contact and a smile.” Have times changed? That’s how it use to work. 🤷♀️
Most men just aren't taught body language and respectful romantic/sexual communication. They don't understand that to figure out boundaries, you carefully feel things out. See if a person smiles or otherwise nonverbally acknowledges you before striking up a random conversation, gauge if they want to keep the current conversation going by dropping the reins and seeing if they guide or end the conversation, ask if they'd like your contact info rather than putting pressure on them by asking for theirs, and just keep gradually getting more intimately connected until you meet some resistance, then stop. Eventually, you'll find people who want the same amount of intimacy as you, whether that be as a friend, acquaintance, romantic partner, or otherwise.
Sadly, Some of us don't even feel safe doing that. Should we proceed, get to talking with him and then discover we may not be looking for the same thing, Then the risk of saying No to him and how he'll respond spikes. My 2 cents as a 35 yo who stopped smiling at men 7 years ago
Eye contact and smiles are not an invitation to be "hit on" period.
@@LoFiAxolotlwell for some it might be, I don’t think there’s any wrong in trying, as long as you back up if you meet resistance. 28yo woman here, and I don’t mean it as a dismissive question, but what would be your reason for making eye contact and smiling to a guy if you wouldn’t be interested in a connection? Maybe smiling would just be an awkward reaction to making accidental eye contact? And assuming the guy was respectful and sensible in his approaching you, and would respect a No, would you feel like he is doing something wrong by approaching you?
@@birb7353they are free to learn. They don't because they like to be jerks
I hope every man alive hears what you just said. They won’t hear women when we say it, maybe they will hear a man if he says it.🙁
How little do people have to think this video says it all and there is nothing left to say or think?
No chance to both assumptions.
Look the world isn't a big miracle wonderland, animals all exist to procreate.
Men will keep fucking women by any means necessary, the best protection you can get,
is having enough men, with their primal needs met in a civil way, around to protect you.
Morals don't save you long term.
@@iarmycombo5659 There is always more that could be thought or said, but this video, if it were taken to heart by men, would get us a long, long way down the road to healing for both sexes and safety for women.❤️🐝🤗
@@deborahdanhauer8525 I heard it, and I didn't learn anything, but I sure am pissed at this one specific man. I am a shy guy who has never had it easy approaching strangers. I have lots of empathy. Lots of sympathy. I have been single for a decade right now, and I have barely done any dating during that time...
And this fucker has to try to make all men out to be the problem. This piece of shit has to make me out to be the problem.
"We're the problem. Men."
No. THEY are the problem. THOSE men are the problem. I'm tired of being made a villain year after year after year. I'm just a good natured, slightly lonely, and chronically alone guy who isn't hurting anyone.
I'm not hurting anyone, but you better believe that all the online waves of hatred for men is hurting me. Women have no empathy. That's what I'm learning.
Well yeah, it could help... But I've been told by this kind of aholes that "feminism was created by a man" just because a man published something about women's rights in a time in which quite literally ONLY MEN could publish something 😂 So it can backfire 🤦🏻
Men can absolutely approach women. There are plenty of men in perfectly fine healthy relationships. What you cant do anymore is harass, insult, and attempt to manipulate most women with stupid playbook tactics anymore. And for the record any woman you do peer pressure into a relationship this way probably isnt going to stay for long.
So we should not just say men are the issue right. That's not fair.
Behaviour where you don't take the no is the issue. Women can definitely be in the wrong to, and some do get mad for only the approach.
Exactly! And if you're genuinely not confident you can approach women in settings like bars in the hopes of dating or a good time without coming off as a creep, you can always get to know women in normal settings and see if anything comes of it. Your chances of some woman in your life making the first move improve substantially if you're generally friendly and willing to causally chat with more women. Dating apps also work, allowing you to easily make connections with people who are after the same things you are.
@@group555_ no women absolutely have the right to reject an approach any way they see fit... they didn't invite you to approach them... they didn't ask for it... you disturbed them... if they don't want to be disturbed YOU are the problem not them....
@@birb7353 Why do women have to have their lives invaded in "normal settings"?
Oh, you would be surprised to find out how many women out there believe misogyny is just a normal, healthy and acceptable aspect of society. Just look at the percentage of women who still vote for republicans and conservatives.
This reminds me of a guy who did not even talk to me but decided to hang around, observing where I was going. I wanted to go home but when I realised that he hung around to observe me, I took some weird path choices which he followed, waited in the distance, always trying his best to stay unnoticed, but lurking. I ended up going to a nearby police station to just wait there for 30 minutes or so, until he lost interest and then walk back home. A policeman asked me what I did there and I told him. After showing him my ID at his request, he checked the immediate surroundings, involved a colleague of his and the two men drove me home. I mean we talk driving me a distance that you could walk in 2 minutes at normal speed. Just because a guy thought it would be a good idea to observe and stalk a woman who just wants to go home... at 12:50 a.m. Can we please just inject some common sense into such guys?
I want to say that it's fine for men to approach a woman they feel attracted to. But, if she says no or "I have a boyfriend", they need to back off. I see things about women being followed and that's terrifying. There's no reason to take it so personally that you go insane and stalk someone over it. Be polite to women, be nice, an accept what they say. There are so many fish in the sea that today's no means you have a chance with someone else that could be amazing.
And it's a good idea to be thoughtful about when and how you approach them. Not enclosed spaces they feel trapped in. Not while they're working. Not when they're clearly busy with something. After all, if you want the best chance of success, why go for the least likely to work options? We are not a game you play on hard mode.
This ^^ this is 💯
Consent is consent, I am not taking it up for that kind of behaviour. But not everyone is like you. The amount of women lashing out for the first approach is increasing. And it leads to me who do take the no being burned. They deserve to be heard, they deserve to be told that in that situation the women was the bitch, not that he was a creep like in the cases you mention
@@group555_it's always the ones who can't wait to call a woman a bitch 😳
Many women have their guard up full time, and for good reason. We cannot tell which men are a threat and which are not.
And then again, many don't just care to be approached full stop. Take it with grace and politeness, and move on. No one owes you anything.
I was stalked for rejecting someone. I was constantly terrified he'd randomly turn up where I'd be again, saying nasty things to me, or message me pictures online again until he unalived himself. The mix of emotions from that, including, surprisingly, guilt, is intense, but not as strong as it used to be.
My cousin was stalked by a guy for months because she rejected him multiple times, the asshole was caught by her dad finally when he was waiting for his daughter outside the house, but like the trauma she got was insane and still working on it.
I remember on my bachelorette party night, we didn't make it a big deal with all the little penis somethings, we just went to a local bar and a nice young man asked me to dance and I politely declined. I saw the look of rejection on his face and explained to him I was getting married the next day (something he couldn't have possibly known) and he politely said "that must be why you're glowing." And I said, "I'm sorry, I should've told you." He said, "no worries, congratulations." That is how a true man reacts. With that attitude, I am sure he has found a wonderful lady.
I used to work with a guy who stalked me. I had had enough and the catalyst for me going to HR was the time that he waited for me to be walking out and said, hey, would you like to have dinner and I said no thank you. He was leaving at the same time I was so I hid in the bathroom for about 6 or 7 minutes and then left. Well, he was waiting for me in the parking lot. Seriously?? Dude, I have declined your invitation at least 5 times and now you're starting to follow me out and wait for me in the parking lot?? I went to HR the very next day but I still had to work with him. They wouldn't transfer him. I left that job shortly after. And the kicker?? He was married AND he was an ordained minister! I was stalked by a married minister. What hope do we women have when even a damn man of God won't take no for an answer?? That's why I'll take my chances with the bear. Every. Single. Time. 😂
THIS is why women are leaving the church.
Had a dude match speed with me on the highway, just to get my number. I was in the middle of moving to a new place, my car was packed. I tried to thank him for the compliment and wave him off, but he was persistent and I was only one exit away from my off ramp.
For the safety of everyone on the road, I pulled over and gave him my number.
Then I made sure he passed me in traffic before I went home.
If you're willing to endanger yourself and everyone around you, I have 0 reason to be inclined to "be approachable"
I hope the "nr" you gave was wrong
@moonhunter9993 Great. I was just thinking that. I'd be giving him the wrong number. 😊
He did the "let me call and make sure it's you", before I pulled off. So I just blocked him later
@@D415h4n34 ew so he KNEW he was harassing you?
@@seabreeze4559 I have no clue what he knew. I just know it wasn't the romcom setting he may have thought he was in😭
It's the bear story all over again, it's not about we don't wanting to trust or try something new. It's simple protection, because I don't wanna be rape or be called a bitch. I just wanna stay alive and well.
We'd be believed if a bear attacked us, and not shamed, blamed or doubted. Also, they kill 20 people yearly, whilst men kill over 110 girls and women every single day.
So do you view a man talking to you as a nessecary thing to be avoided as a result of that?
@@jackhughes9896better to avoid lol 🤣
@@jackhughes9896 Every day, over 110 girls and women are killed by men. 20 people a year by bears. So, please don't take this personally, but once one is a bit experienced, one is more than aware that we are prey. I love men. I've worked in male centric jobs my whole life. I am currently single and loving it, but I miss having a partner. But think about this:
Some years ago, CK Lewis did a great piece about dating and women being prey. I thought it was funny, insightful, and spot on. Then, he got busted. A funny, successful and apparently caring man took advantage of his position.
I've survived both childhood SA and a partner tried to kill me. I was kidnapped, chained and SAd, and the man later claimed I wanted it. I've had long term, loving partners, but the whole COVID thing has made many less than capable in social situations, and I'm in that group! So, I know it will be a while before I feel ready to trust enough to date. If ever. Best wishes.
@@jackhughes9896 Not all men, but men who think like this for sure. I think the key is where and how men approach. If a man approaches me in a public, well lit space with people around, doesn't try to extract my personal information, and goes in with the plan of saying goodbye if I'm not interested, then all is well. If any of those conditions are failed, no dice, I'm planning my escape the second I realize he's coming my way. Men who are aware enough to realize some situations are situations where creeps would be able to threaten a woman, so they should stay away to avoid being threatening, those are the men who are wonderful and liked by many women. Men who are unaware or choose to approach the woman anyway in those situations are the reason that so many women say "just stop approaching us". The bad men refuse to understand the difference in acceptable and unacceptable behavior, and I think women who don't realize they'll never listen say "just stop approaching us altogether" do it in hopes that at least it'll stop the creeps (even though sadly, it just stops everyone else).
My fiance was a stranger who approached me, but he fulfilled all the conditions and treated me like a human being to boot. He was nonthreatening, clearly wanted to get to know me more than he wanted to have me as a partner just by seeing me, and generally acted in trustworthy ways. It's still possible for things to work out like this, it just requires a little bit more awareness and self control than some men are willing to exercise.
I'm gay. But, I still make a conscious effort to avoid women. Men, too. In the aspect of not following them, giving them space. If going in the same direction, I will actively try to pass by them, so I'm not following them.
All, because I don't want them to feel threatened by me.
It's sad, that there's an idea that if someone says, "No," they're playing hard to get.
And that this message is being perpetuated by men and some women. Like, just stop. It's fine to approach. But don't breach personal space. Accept their answer receptive or not. Then move on.
Guys talk about how aggressive women get with their rejections. It's because of guys like this that are pushing women to get more and more violent with their responses because they don't want to be SA, R^ped, or unalived.
So, stop blaming women. See things from the perspective of self-defense, and check your ego at the door.
Thank you!
I assume when a woman says "yes" she's playing easy to get.
Had it happen to me a few times, now I just assume that she's not interested before I ask.
@@Nerobyrnelolol! Now we wait for all the people who roll up and miss the joke and try to encourage you…
@@BeeWhistler it's not a joke but I need no encouragement 😅
You’re doing good, my dude. Some guys are 100% oblivious. And they may not mean harm sometimes but just don’t realize their impact. An example being when it’s night and you’re walking to your car, and a man is striding behind you, like in a hurry to get somewhere, and you have to ask yourself if it’s you he’s after. And he’s not, he’s just trying to get home and his car is a few behind yours but he isn’t thinking “this woman might think I’m coming to hurt her if I book it toward her like this.” He’s thinking of that leftover pizza at home. But now you’re at high alert as he passes on his way… because it’s just not on his radar; he knows he’s harmless. But like people who come zooming to a stop before entering traffic, he knows he won’t hurt you, but you don’t know it.
Legit. Take it from a lesbian who also approaches women. I went up to a few women on the street that just blew me away and I went "Hey, sorry to bother you but I really like your vibe, would you like to get Coffee sometime/I'd like to get to know you better". When they said no (so far all of them were polite), I just wished them a nice day and thanked them for their time. It's that easy.
A straight man who does that exact same thing is considered creepy, that's the point. It's viewed completely differently if it's a man approaching.
@@jackhughes9896 Because you have these assholes that make entire courses about not accepting a no. And of course people are weary of strangers, I'm well aware some were uncomfortable when I approached them as well. But if you ask nicely and then accept the no, most women will not call you creepy.
@@jackhughes9896exactly what that other person said I just wanted to add on that instead of holding those men accountable you sit here and whine not making it any better
@@wiglicious. How am I supposed to hold those guys responsible? I don't even know them.
@@jackhughes9896 idk 🤷🏾♀️ maybe do the same thing you’re doing here, cause if you truly felt that leaving comments aren’t helping then why do you keep constantly leaving comments here
As a teacher (adjunct), I sometimes get summer jobs to make ends meet. I've yet to work a job that hasn't felt unsafe due to men who refuse to take no for an answer.
For example, I drove for Lyft. I had a few guys hit on me, and some made me feel uncomfortable, but I tried to remind myself that the app knew who I was with. Until one guy made me question even that. He hit on me for the entire ride & wouldn't take no for an answer, like several before him. When I finally got to his place & he got out, I was relieved & I marked the ride as completed in the app. At which point, he rushed back to the car, opened my door and tried to pull me out (all of the doors had unlocked when I put it in park). After realizing what his plan was, I threw my car in drive and hit the gas.
Similar things happened when I delivered food, worked at a restaurant, and so on. Job after job.
Most guys don't do that stuff. But the guys who complain when women feel unsafe around them, rather than addressing the men who do those things, just contribute to the problem.
I gave a man directions at a train station once. He tried to follow me home. So. Yeah. That happened.
Unfortunately way too often our kindness can be and is, misinterpreted as interest, rather than kindness for the sake of kindness.
Then these type of men wonder why "everyone seems so aggressive and doesn't want to talk to you" yeah can't take a hint? But they're real good at assuming they're right.
Also I'm really sorry that happened to you. Those kind of experiences can be really scary.
The best thing I’ve seen where dudes were saying this in a comment section on some clip on Reddit where you saw some girl protecting her girl friend in a club (that very clearly was drunk to the point she wasn’t walking straight anymore) bc some dude came over and wanted her number.
And everyone was like either that girl is jealous and doesn’t want her friend to be happy, were insulting the friend bc of her weight/body and then talked about how you can’t even approach girls anymore. And it was such a shock for some dudes to realize that we girls always talk beforehand and make sure that the girls who are not drinking have their eyes on their other friends and regardless make safety precautions and that that friend was doing that. And it was just sad how even a dude that is married and had some cute little meet cute with his wife was trying to paint a narrative of how dudes can’t even approach dudines anymore. And I was just, damn not you too 🤦🏽♀️ like those ppl can’t differentiate what appropriate approaching is what not. They also clearly feel entitled and try to diminish and trivialize the whole situation by exaggerating like this. As if they can’t distinguish and don’t know how some ppl just act extremely inappropriately or are choosing either inconvenient situations or just situations in which ppl have to be protected bc they could be taken advantage off. And yes asking for a number from a visibly drunk girl is not the move.
If you look at the stats, at least 30 out of 100 nem have or will SA a woman in their lifetime. So in a club with 500 nem, 150 of them are capable of it. Predators are more likely to seek out situations where they have access to easier prey (like places where people are drinking); that means that the actual number is likely higher in a place like that.
There was an ad campaign a while back where 3 women wore dresses with sensors on them (that would indicate how often and where they were touched by nem). It worked out to one of them being non-consensually touched every 1.5 minutes. They interviewed some nem before and after they look at a heat map of the touches and the corresponding video. Before, they thought women were exaggerating. At the end, they said that it was even worse than they'd been told.
@@b.w.65351.5 minutes.... That's... unimaginable.... not 1:49 like literally of course... and I'm AMAB myself. I live in a fairly safe country, and have always been a homebody, so thankfully I haven't experienced as much harassment as the average woman, or AMAB, but that's insane! Like, poor woman. That would like, high key traumatize me. And that indicates she goes through that regularly. Absolutely awful.
@@b.w.6535 omg krass! Thank you for sharing that! Yes, and it’s just annoying how those dudes are then reacting. Like first of all, noo your statement of a guy not being able to approach a girl anymore is just wrong. And secondly, who do you think would be at fault for that? For sure not the girls, women or feminists.
A lot of men and some women too just don’t know anything at all and still talk and then even complain in the wrong direction. And the conversation is never about all men. It’s not some biological thing either.
It is socialization, the patriarchy. And it should not be too much to ask for dudes keeping an eye out too and do something too. And not tolerate, ignore and trivialize it. If you see someone trying to do or is doing that shit. Or even if it’s just „boy talk“, see something, say something and do something.
@@b.w.6535do you know what the ad was called/where I might find it? I'm interested in seeing that for myself.
minimisation of predation
My wife said a guy approached her 2 different times at work after saying no, he only finally relinquished after she showed her ring and said "Im married!" He responded with "Why didn't you just say that first!" Why was her NO, not enough? She's at work, and you're bothering her? These guys make us all look bad sometimes
Guys who say “oh we can’t do this anymore we can’t do that, or else we’re the bad guy” are also the problem. Because what they’re saying is never what they mean. It’s not “can’t give a compliment” it’s “can’t make someone uncomfortable from commenting on their body” normal guys never say stuff like that, they just act normal and enjoy life. Not trying to get pitty points.
But that does happen. Guys do get called creeps for normal compliments. This issue aint black and white. We need to acknowledge that women can be in the wrong
And it’s not even that women are adverse to compliments; have a girl call another girl pretty or compliment her clothes or makeup, and watch her just light up. Everyone likes being complimented. But women have been so conditioned, from experience mind you, that compliments from men are inherently creepy, especially since many of these instances have been followed up with harassment and even assault, it’s poisoned the well for the guys who might actually be sincere. The unfortunate fact of that matter is- no, guys _can’t_ do these things anymore, and it’s entirely their fault.
@@group555_ Of course, because people can misunderstand and misinterpret other people's intentions, whether those intentions are good or bad, and unpleasant interactions result. That's definitely not gender specific, hell it's not even human specific.
But what compliments? I always compliment people on something they chose. "Love your fit!" Or "Great hair!". And then I continue on my way. So you are complimenting them on something they had control over, and you aren't sticking around to make it creepy. And, just because I've had people argue this with me before, if the idea of walking off afterwards bothers you, then it wasn't about the compliment, was it?
Yes, there are people who call "creep!" at any guy, and that's 100% wrong. But ask the women around you how many of them have had a man give them a compliment that made them uncomfortable.
@@Kohlerstacey This exactly. I said it in my first comment (which got deleted by CZcams for some reason) that girls aren’t adverse to being complimented; watch a girl compliment another girl’s outfit, hair, or makeup and just watch her light up like a Christmas tree. Everybody likes being complimented, but not everybody likes being complimented on everything. If a guy did just that, sure there’d be women who’d immediately be wary of their intentions and there will also be women who’ll snap at you regardless of innocence, but people need to understand that kind of reaction is also conditioned. Just look at the stories women tell on here about me complimenting them and following them to their cars or insulting them when they’re not immediately appreciative. Enough people beat a dog with a stick, and that dog is always going to be on edge around people no matter how good they are.
Guys always complain that they can’t do this or that anymore, but it’s entirely of their own doing. If they want it to change at all, they actually have to put in the work to make that change instead of complaining that women have nasty attitudes. Stop ignoring blatant harassment and assault when you (the general you) see it; the amount of times I’ve seen men just idly standby and laugh along when a guy starts harassing women is more than I can count. Start being a positive force in the community and you’ll start to see a positive change.
Sounds like the message here is that it's not unacceptable to talk to a girl, but it is unacceptable to not take no for an answer. Sounds good to me. They say no, you move on.
Many commenter here would disagree with that.
My tips as a nonbinary pansexual person who's had hookups and serious relationships with both main genders:
1) give the person a graceful way to say "no thanks."
2).try to joke, harmless and funny is a great first impression.
3) neurotypicals are big on eye contact.
It's not comfortable to many autistic people, but do at least glance in their eyes, or just look at their forehead as a cheat.
4) If they're not trying to make eye contact with you (and it's a neurotypical person in question) chances are they're not interested...
5)... if they're not actively engaging back with you in conversation in about 30 seconds, just move on (and try to get in someone else's pants😘)
There's someone out there who will be into YOU. Every no is one less rejection you have to get out of the way before you find the one who will say yes.
6) getting rejected is a chance to refine your approach. Learn from the no's.
... I'm merely ADHD, not autie, but I am perpetually awkward, and fairly goofy-looking.
...I lost track of my body count around 50 people.
Sounds a bit too basic though. His next video is probably "how men graduated from kindergarten" and the end screen (they didnt).
Just give me lesser iq videos oh wait there are none cuz only these get recommended. A clear yes or a clear no, otherwise it doesnt get popular. Oh and aint he a yesman.
@@grmpEqweer Asking respectfully, but how did you get involved with that many people if you were "awkward and goofy looking" as you say?
@@jonnypaspula
Assume that 1 in 40 people might be inclined to do the horizontal hokey pokey with you.
So you go ask 40 people.
It's a number's game to get l@id.
I admit though, I have yet to find a hack for finding good long-term relationships.
I'm poly also.
It's hard to find people who don't mind sharing.☹️
If "No" isn't respected as a complete answer unto itself, they aren't actually asking.
coercing
@@seabreeze4559 Yeah, of some kind, even if unconscious.
Figure if someone ain't asking, they're likely making a demand.
Then realized folks don't make demands of those they view as equals.
To the men who ask ‘What if she wants me to keep trying?’ Or ‘What if she’s playing hard to get?’. Even if she was doing that, which I doubt she is, why do you want to associate yourself with someone that plays mind games with you for their enjoyment?
In answer to their question, are you listening to her or to your erection?
You can get a stalker just for rejecting a man. You can get assaulted or murdered. When I hear the Megan Trainer song No, I think "If only it were that easy, that safe, to say no." But it isn't. We have to be afraid to say no.
For guys who are assuming that when a woman says no, they're just playing hard to get and mean yes... A question. Do you want a girlfriend/wife who plays those kinds of mind games with you? Because if someone would try to play those kinds of games with me I'd be out the door before you could say "No wait".
Also, if men actually took the first "no" then the women who really ARE interested (either the few who think they are supposed to "test" persistence or those too young to have unlearned the movie tropes) would learn that they need to say "yes" (or at least "maybe") the first time.
@@wartgin Truth!
I had just had a baby with my husband when a guy i knew peripherally suggested he was aroused by me and wanted some help. I suggested he go into the nearest bathroom to take care of it himself. His response to his inappropriate sexual suggestion? To call me fat and unattractive when i deigned to respond in a way he didn’t appreciate. Thin skinned and emotional. They wouldn’t last a week in a woman’s world. Before that, when i was single and working as a receptionist for a cpa, a guy came in for an appointment. Id never met him before. He got up to go to the bathroom i thought and had to walk down the hall behind me. I was concentrating on my deskwork when he came up behind me and grabbed both my breasts. When i was 16 or 17, a drunk thirty something tongue kissed me because his sister made him walk me home from babysitting her kids. I guess he thought he was on a date. My first french kiss. It was gross.
Ugh! Not quite the same but a majority of the time when I disagree with a man on social media he insults my body. One even called me a “fat f!@*” on my Facebook page.
And a man approached my best friend in a bar and asked her to dance and she said no. He called her the b word!
Ugh😖😖 I’m so sorry that happened to you.
@@Happysoul44This is why I find man are hypocrites.
If you go hard and deny them, you're b*tch.
If you give them what they want easily, you're still a b*tch.
I carry multiple weapons with me and keep the house alarm system armed, even when at home. Even at my big age, I've been accosted by males who then get upset when I defend my personhood. I told a coworker about the time a guy tried to SA me at work when I was 17. I have way too many stories about the things that have happened to me over the course of my life.
I do not make eye contact with males unless I'm at work. I keep earbuds in so that it can look like I'm listening to something. I cannot count the fake conversations I've had so that a male will leave me alone.
Introspection can feel scary. It is a necessary thing that WE ALL MUST DO in order to live good lives. Males, instead of feeling angry that girls and women have had enough of what patriarchy is doing to us, do something about it within yourselves and the world at-large.
If I were hoping to date someone. Wouldn't I want their feelings, point of view, and opinions to be important? If you want a partner, you have to respect them!
But porn does teach another message
@CordeliaWagner1999 I once worked in kitchens and ended up getting into a conversation where I eventually told my coworkers (because conversations between kitchen staff range from inappropriate to HIGHLY inappropriate) that porn is scripted and the orgasms and enjoyment are not real.
You would swear that I had done to this coworker, the adult equivalent of canceling Christmas and telling him that Santa wasn't real.
I've started telling men I'm married. And my bf is fine with it. I told him why I pretend he's my husband in public. It's actually safer for me to tell a man, "I'm here with my husband," than it is to say, "No I have a bf." Bc that last line is just a challenge to them, and "No" means "Yes." But when I say I'm married and he's nearby they back all the way off.
It's gross but necessary.
fake engagement rings are now common
It doesn't matter if she has a boyfriend or not, if she's using it as an excuse or not. She's not interested and is telling you she is not available to court/flirt. She doesn't owe you an explanation.
I think the root of a lot of this confusion is based on things we were told in childhood. Girls are told if a boy is mean to them, it means ‘he likes you’. Boys are told that when a girl says no, ‘she just wants you to change her mind.’
I'm not frightened or offended if someone says hi or pays me a compliment. I am frightened or offended when I let them know I'm in a relationship already or not interested and they continue to pursue. I'm frightened when they (true story) follow me for a full city block, call me baby, and follow me into a store while I try to ignore them and not make eye contact.
The approach isn't the problem, it's everything that happens afterwards.
I don’t agree that if men just accepted a “no,” things would be different. I think most women do not want to be approached by strangers period. Most of us are going about our lives. We’re not buying coffee, hanging out with friends, or grocery shopping because we are on display waiting to be approached. Men should not approach women they don’t know.
Join a book club. Volunteer somewhere. Do interesting things and you will meet interesting people. Get to know someone and find out if you like them, and let them get to know you a little. Then maybe ask for a date and if she says no, then walk away. But approaching strangers on the street, in a coffee shop, in a grocery store, whatever, it’s not cool. Not ever. It never was.
agreed. don't approach me in the street or the shop.
I think the men that approach us in the street are looking for a sex worker, not a date.
Ive been waiting to hear this be4 doing anything like this as i expected there must be some1 who thinks this
I don't know, most women here in the comments seem fine being approached when it is in a good manner. Though, those women also say most women don't mind being approached, so I think it is confirmation bias on both ends.
I am not one for approaching strangers as I *do* feel like it is awkward, but also saying it is "never okay" to approach strangers isn't the case.
And you make it sound like meeting people is easy. We're in the internet age, most connections made are either online or through work. Also, how is asking out strangers and asking out strangers in some sort of meetup so much different?
Rom-coms are sometimes the only dating advice some of these young men have ever gotten. We _know_ how abusive & awful 99% of that advice is. _Maybe,_ we should come up with an all new system of "PSA's for the internet & dating". Not just for men either! For everybody young, old, gay, straight, men & women. After all, we could _all_ use an answer to, WTF?!
Heck, right now, there are senior citizen's out there, right now, that _desperately NEED_ sex education advice! I'm talkin the straight up condom talk to prevent STDs & STIs. Some old folk communities are infested with some _very_ *unwanted* viruses & bacterias, from head to toe. They *need* our help just as much as these young folks do. 😂😂😂
yeah some can cause dementia (begins with H rhymes with Derp)
Not rom coms, they’re constantly watching PUA advice on YT and tiktok. Even worse
I have no idea why walking up to a complete stranger to propose a possible sexual relationship is even a thing. This certainly isn't the way it's been done historically. I've never met a couple who started off that way. And every woman I've talked to about it is uncomfortable from it.
Make friends, have a social group, go to events meant for meeting potential romantic partners but stop walking up to random women in public to hit on them.
Ever find it interesting how we just casually use the term hit in womenn?
We're already comfortable with abusee.
@@Amanita._.Verosa._.It's interesting how you've never learned that words can have multiple meanings
That seems at least very uncouth the way I was raised. As a guy, I've had sometimes the converse problem where I felt some pressure towards sex where I wasn't entirely comfortable with where the relationship was in terms of trust and my vulnerability.
@@mo.ka.9661 the language men use to describe sex and women is violent double speak. Good job for falling for it.
@@christopheroliver148 yes thank you for speaking on your perspective. The thing that gets assumed in these dynamics is that the guy is always ready for sex with anyone and everyone. No one should be shamed or pressured for sex regardless of gender. Men needing emotional connection and safety should be the norm!
Bro, you are a very nice man! I just hope that one day, one of these so-called "nice guys" will turn to these other abusive, creepy guys and BLAME THEM for women not wanting to be approached by men in public and STOP BLAMING WOMEN.
"nice guy" is Code für covert Narcicisst = dangerous
Agreed!
Those guys who are upset and say they can't approach women are the ones who are clueless. If you approach a woman with respect and like a human being, it's unlikely she will be angry or mean to you. She might say no if she's not interested but that's ok! A no isn't the end of the world unless the guy himself has serious self-esteem issues and that has nothing to do with women. That has everything to do with the guy having to work on his own issues.
And then what if they complain to security that you made them feel uncomfortable and you get kicked out? And that's even after you respectfully accepted their No And walked away?
@@jackhughes9896 blame men for traumatising this woman so much that that she had a PTSD reaction to men approaching her.
@@jackhughes9896blame rnen for programming this woman to have PTSD triggered by random rnen approaching her because of the horrible things they’ve said and done to her and other women for thousands of years.
@@BehindTheBush96 How do you know she has PTSD?
@jackhuges9896 There are two options if you actually are that afraid of being reported to security:
1) Just don't approach women
2) Approach women in a manner where it's clear that a 5 second conversation where you kept your physical distance the whole 5 seconds and turned around immediately after she shakes her head/says no is clearly not harassment
But you aren't actually interested in an answer considering all your comments I have read here.
In addition to this, maybe just don’t approach *strangers*. If you already know her from work, or church, or hobbies, etc. then you might not get shot down right away. You might still get told no, and you absolutely should respect that. However, it seems quite logical to me that, if a woman is approached by a *stranger*, then she is most likely to give an automatic “No!”
If you never approach strangers how do you meet anyone? Cause until you meet each other you're strangers
@@Zyrdrakyll You ask to be introduced by mutual acquaintances, you nod at each other politely for several weeks in a row in the public spaces you encounter each other and then progress to several weeks of casual conversation before asking her out, you try to figure out mutual interests and get to know each other over those first,...
Edit - typo
@@wartgin how do you meet mutual acquaintances
@@Zyrdrakyll Odd question. Generally you have mutual acquaintances or you don't. If you don't then that path is not open to you. You're getting into stalker behaviour if you track down people a woman knows and get to know them just to get them to introduce you to her.
@@winterinbloom I'm being pedantic :p
I had a man hit on me in one store, where i politely said no, and went to another part of the store, he followed me to that aisle, and then followed me to another store, 5 miles away, where he approached me again. I started to panic and instead of staying at the brightly lit store, where there were people, I ran out of the store, to the dark parking lot, got in my car and went home. My complex was across from the store. I rushed to the outdoor elevator of my building, and he drove slowly past staring at me, while I waited for the elevator to descend. By the time I got inside my apartment, with the door locked behind me, I was a shaking teary mess. My husband rushed out to try to see if the creep hung around, but he couldn't tell in the dark.
Another time, in a store, a man looked my body up and down, and then gave me a look that I can only describe as violent, then stared me in the eye as he approached. I was like a deer in the headlights, until my husband popped up at my side. The man eyed me up and down again, gave me another frightening look, then made a weird grunting, moaning sound as he passed. My husband was oblivious, too obsessed with whatever purchase he was eyeballing, to notice.
There are reasons women are uncomfortable with strange men approaching them.
I had one guy ask me out during my college class. I replied very nicely that I couldn’t because I was engaged showing him my ring.
He then proceeds to ask me all these questions about if I had ever dated someone from his race and why not (different than my own but I don’t care what color anyone is) when I said I hadn’t he want on to basically call me racist for not going out with him!
It doesn’t matter if you’re brown, white, orange, purple. A man or a woman, if you don’t respect my commitment to my fiancé, I don’t have time for you!
we don't need a reason
I've raised girls to adulthood, and it's frightening to hear from them how often they get harassed, and how a small percentage of their male friends/acquaintances (now former, of course) of theirs have turned on them. I'm talking about guys they've known for over a year, too. Even as teen minors who looked younger than their actual years, they were followed while walking to and from school or work. In the late 80s and early 90s, I went through similar stuff, but never at these frequencies, and I don't think I've ever dealt with the level of entitlement from the kinds of guys that are around today.
Guys, context is everything. Do you pick up calls from unknown numbers? I bet you don't. Why? They want to scam you, trick you, buy your house, sell you something, etc. Sure you might miss a call from someone you like by ignoring those, but on the whole you are better off ignoring them. Women are ignoring your unknown number.
Very well put! To most women, men are like that door to door salesman haha. Sure could be selling an actually nice product! But you still could just not be interested or just have that initial irk of annoyance about the approach 😂
when someone says "you can't approach women anymore" what i hear is "i feel entitled to women's bodies, attention, time and energy. i am angry that society is challenging that." my husband works in managment. about twenty years ago he amended the employee handbook to include a prohibition against touching your coworkers. there had been a rash of women reporting unwanted touching and he was like "this is gross and unacceptable, didnt they teach you in kindergarten to keep your hands and feet to yourself omfg why do i have to tell you this?" but it gets worse. he does a lot of the training and on-boarding himself and he says when you get to the part of the handbook that says "do not touch your co-workers" about 1/3 of men have follow up questions. of those who have follow up question aobut half will ask "what about this, what about that" and he has to look at grown men and say "i've been in this field almost 40 years and i have never needed to touch a co worker." it's really helpful with getting rid of creeps b/c there are cameras everywhere but inside the bathrooms so if a dude touches someone 1. you dont need to rely on that person to come forward, you have video and 2. you dont have to try to litigate the nature or intent of the touch. the touch itself is against the rules.
Are diferent touches punished diferently though? i imagine they would cause i think we can all agree touching someone on the elbow just to pat them on their back for something is very diferent than touching them in an innapropriate part and even grab them, but idk
@@marmolejomartinezjoseemili9043 Oh, look, a man asked for exceptions again!
@@marmolejomartinezjoseemili9043 with the exception of a few fields that require contact which workers consent to THERE IS NO REASON TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR CO WORKERS. your co workers do not want you to touch thier elbow or their back. stop touching people.
@@lysanamcmillan7972 color me not at all surprised. i used to work in the same field as my husband ( resturaunt/ district management) and it is pretty much exclusively men who can't keep their hands to themselves . a few months ago there was a general manager who, despite knowing the rules decided to go though the kitchen one day squeezing the whole crews shoulders and patting them on the back telling them "good job!" the last person he touched was a 16 yo girl who said that when he brought his hands down from her shoulder he squeezed her butt. it was not clearly visable on camera if he had or not. didnt matter. as soon as he laid his hands on a co-worker that was a fireable offense. i really think more places should adopt a hands off policy.
@@lysanamcmillan7972 color me not at all surprised. a few people have been fired over this ( all men)
💯. I've got the screenshotted conversations to back this up.
Oh yeah I've had men try and follow me to my car - Bouncers are a god-send in those situations.
Agree. That's a very ugly and terrifying situation. I'd be mentally reviewing my notes from any self defense classes I had taken.
very true. thank you SpeechProf for defending us women! 🙏❤
When I go out I want to be left alone. If I want to meet guys and gals no matter what in mind, I find people who share my interests. The street and a grocery store is not a place to look for a mate. Women never liked being approached in the first place.
The difference is that society only recently started to give tiny shits about their opinion.
Depends on the woman. I honestly don't mind being approached. Just be respectful and polite. If I say no, accept no and move on.
The other part of the issue is that women don't have to look themselves. You don't understand the stress and complexity that comes with having to be the one to approach.
It's not gonna be long till the opposite situation catches air and the women that irrationally lash out on first approach get called out like this.
@group555_ you don't have to hit on every woman you are attracted to in public regardless of what she's doing.
Thanks for both your opinions! I'm glad some women don't mind given the men do it in a respectful manner. I'd never lash out either if it was done in a friendly way. It's just not the place for me. I vibe with people who share my interests and approaching a stranger on the street is based on looks only. I'm mostly living in my head sorting out problems and ideas so people approaching me for something like that does not compute at all.
@@group555_ Oh women approach, but maybe they're not approaching you for a reason. Focus on working on yourself and get rid of the desperation.
It's insane to me how the whole "playing hard to get" thing became a normalized idea in the first place. Barely seems like a half a step between that and "no means yes". Like what the hell
Omg ty! I have too many stories that mirror the rest of the ladies in the comment section already.
THANK YOU! Your whole demeanor would be somebody I'd say yes to a date with. I've been happily single 7 years & staying that way.
You understand NO. So simple yet so rare. ❤
What I find personally is I never run into trouble approaching women, it’s because of charismatic skills being funny and playful and not being creepy. I literally start common interests and non sexual convos most of the time. Most of the time I try to get the number or a meetup it’s a no. I can take no for an answer and I’m fine with it, but I’ve never had women feel resistant or rude around me when I approach prolly because I’m not being creepy and I’m not interested in approaching people who seem rude
I was approached by a drunk guy a few nights ago and he was flirting with me. I was about to walk to my car. The whole time, many times, I'm mentioning that my fiance is waiting for me. He flexes his arm and tries to get me to touch it. I refuse, he insists. I mention my fiance again. I even show him my engagement ring. He still insists and i refuse. He then plays the sympathy game saying that he now feels insecure. To that, i then say, "Come on, man. Would you like it if your girl was touching on another man?". That actually got through to him. He says that I'm a real one. I tell him that my fiance might be worried about me and that i havevto go and he left.
We gotta keep men from taking "No" to mean "Maybe, if you keep trying." No means NO, fellas. I don't think every man is a r*pist but I do think that a lot of younger (and not so young) men just don't know what Step 2 is, don't know what to do next. BASIC SOCIAL SKILLS, ffs.
I had a very positive encounter half a year ago!
On my way back home from a language lesson a guy approached me and told me he saw me across campus and just thought that i looked stunning. I told hime he looked good to and that I liked his style (he had a trimmed beard a nice navy jacket and a white shirt underneath it). Then he asked me out. I told him I that I have a boyfriend (6 + years and gosh I love my bf so much) but that he should keep to his style because it was really nice. He just told me to take it as a compliment then and went on his way and I went on mine!
Such a pleasant experience! I was beaming with joy fir the whole day!
I'd like to share a relevant story. I have an e-bike. A big one. I usually park it in my own driveway. Very occasionally, I briefly park it in a streetside parking place, to unload some heavy stuff before getting onto the curb.
Every time, one of my neighbours comes rushing out, all anger, to shout at me to remove my e-bike from a space reserved for cars.
Because there is already never enough space as is, and many people in the street have gotten tickets for parking on the curb.
So my five minutes parking in one of several empty spaces is making their lives literal hell.
You know, instead of maybe noticing that the problem might be the ridiculuously high number of cars owned in our street. Most families seem to have two cars. All of them could park one of these two cars a bit further away. But no, blame the e-bike for taking up one of several empty spots for five minutes. Once every six months or so. But never rush out of the door to help when I'm struggling to unpack my groceries in a storm.
Women aren't the problem. We are having the problem, and we are finally taking steps to protect ourselves. If men were truly bothered by the whole situation, they would help us address the safety issue.
If instead they complain about us no longer being approachable because that makes THEIR live less convenient and pleasant, then they are showing their true colours.
Men shout at us for taking up valuable parking space in their visual fields, without being available. Wheras they should be helping each other to stop treating women so so badly.
I don't remember a single time a guy approached me and when I said I felt uncomfortable, didn't want to give my number to a stranger or was not interested in him, he actually left me alone.
One guy responded to "I don't want to give my number to a stranger" and me obviously being uncomfortable with "well we could get to know better".
One guy responded with "but, you see, I like you and made the effort to approach you" (then I again said I didn't feel like giving him my number and would rather just end the conversation, this circle repeated a while before he eventually gave up).
One guy even told me to say when he made me uncomfortable and he would just go, I answered "yes you're making me uncomfortable and I'd rather want you to go" - he completely overheard it and continued with his monologue.
I feel like a lot of the men approaching me don't even realize how creepy they are or that continuing the forced converation won't change that I'm not interested. Since I'm not a minor anymore, way less guys hit on me in public. And I'm pretty sure they didn't even all collectively knowingly hit on a twelve year old.
If by approach some people mean "start asking a woman invasive questions in the middle of the night as she hurries home" . No i dont want it. Yes i know its specific but ut has happened multiple times and its always when there arent many people around so im sorry but i get scared if you do that
Guys, something to keep in mind - if you just walk up to a random woman on the street to ask her out, it shows that all you care about is looks. You don't care about her as a person because you don't know anything about her. Would you go walk up to a random guy and ask to be his friend? I'll bet you wouldn't. You'd talk with a guy for a while, maybe at a hobby shop or a car expo or at a sporting event to find out his personality and his interests before even thinking about starting a friendship with him. Women deserve that same respect - if not more - because you're ultimately expecting to do physical things with her that you'd never expect with a platonic friend.
The only way I'd give a random approach the time of day ) : "Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice you and I think you're pretty. I'd really like to get to know you better, so here's my number. Have a great day"
Number of times it's happened: 0
Because platonic friends are not based on sexual attraction.
Exactly like b.w. mentioned. Love at first sight is a thing, and a man can just handle that gracefully like they mentioned in their comment. I see nothing wrong with that approach at all, so if you disagree I would like to hear your thoughts about it.
@@jackhughes9896 DUDE. Quit complaining in the comments that you can't "approach" women anymore. The person above literally gave you a step-by-step guide on how to do it without being a creep. Get to know someone and then ask them out to coffee if you think you're compatible. Then respect whatever answer they give. It's not that hard.
@@MySchoolProject15 You missed the point of what I said. Friends and romantic interests are not the same.
you can't just walk up to a women and demand attention anymore 😭😭😭 they can tell you to f off now!?! WTF!
Anyone playing the "you can't even approach a woman anymore" card is being intentionally malicious and trying to guilt trip. It's no different than the person who gets called out for toxic behavior and responds with "well I guess I won't talk to anyone ever again and I suck and should die" and sulks. It's disingenuous. You absolutely can approach women. Pick an appropriate moment (not when she's cornered or socially trapped), don't be a goddamned creep about it, and if she says no, then say "I understand, have a nice day" and walk away. Go back to your life, leave her in peace. That's all it takes. It's not hard to do.
"treat people the way you want to be treated".
To me that means I never approach women in public for any reason other than an actual pressing concern.
Do you also want women to ignore you unless they need something from you?
@@mo.ka.9661 yes
"Don't come up to us and be all creepy, or threatening, or just plain annoying."
"So I'm not allowed to approach women?!"
Kind of telling on yourself there, my guy.
It's because guys are reprimanded even if they not being creepy. 'Creepy' is in the eyes of the beholder.
It's because guys are reprimanded even if they not being creepy. 'Creepy' is in the eyes of the beholder.
"I've got a boyfriend"
"How are you going to play this? Are you just going to walk away?"
Yes. Because it's one of 2 cases
1) She has a boyfriend, and does not want to pursue another relationship or flirt right now.
2) She doesn't have a boyfriend, but does not want to pursue another relationship or flirt right now (possibly just with you), but wants to shut down any arguments about it.
Either way, she doesn't want to talk to you. Walk away, assume #1 to sooth your ego.
Ok so last Saturday I was at the nail salon and the “man” that is my mom’s stbx came inside the door asked if I had a minute to talk to him. I said no. He goes great see you in a few and WAITED OUTSIDE FOR ME TO FINISH. This is one of the many reasons I pick the bear. It’s so frustrating. 🤬 it’s not even just strangers that won’t take no. It really is a just gtf away from meat this point.
I once was in an "uncomfortable" situation sitting in a Taxi when the driver was hitting on me really aggressively (also with a weird vibe). So I said I was married which had NO effect on his approach. When he carried on asking for my nr and why I won't give it to him, I just said "Because my husband is originally... (add a cultural group with VERY conservative views here) and he will sh00t you". Then he laughed and accepted the no because he understood THAT kind of man. Horrible.
For me, a man in my fifties, is that I hear that complain from men around me, friends and acquaintances. Most of whom are men in their forties or fifties in long term marriages. "When and where did you try to approach women, exactly?" The last time they tried was 15-20 years ago, but it has become one of those things people just say.
Once at a dance club, a guy asked me if I wanted to dance. I told him no because I was already dancing for about an hour with some of my friends. I just wanted to sit down and have a drink. I told him sorry. He turned around and told his buddies that I was being a b**ch. As I was walking away from him. All his 7 buddies started yelling out b**ch and whore to me. Just because I was too tired to dance.
That's fair.
I never had a problem taking no for an answer personally. Besides, it usually worked out that I was the one being approached and just went along with it because "that is what we are supposed to do" whenever we "got so lucky".
Anyway, here is as a good a place as any to say this piece; when I started to hear the demand to leave women alone, of course I understood that was about the creeps out there ruining it for everyone else. Beyond that, I was kind of relieved. It was like being given permission to not obly not approaxh, but ro also say no when approached. It's like I no longer have to pretend to be interested at all when I sinply am not.
And who's fault is it that we men "can't approach anyone anymore"?
Menn's. It's ours. We need to take some accountabiIity for that. We catcaII, throw our hands around our junk, touch Womenns waist to move them out of the way but never do that to eachother. It's ours.
The question isn't... Can't approach anyone anymore. The question is why did it take so long for menn to reaIize there was a probIem?
Yours?
He just said it in the video
Men. It’s the fault of men.
Mens
"She is just testing you" could be true. And right answer to that test is "Yeah, I understand, have a nice day".
Because even I, being in long lasting loving relationship, almost called the dude over
He was walking away from me without creating a problem and it was so wonderful and rare and I would like to know him and give him a chance - if I was single.
Can you imagine how hot it is then person listens to you? How much joy is in being respected? How much fun we could do together if we can listen to one another?..
-----
Apologies for mistakes, English isn't my first language not even the third.
I work at a truck stop, and there have been several times that I've been vague when asked how long my shift is/when I get off. Just yesterday, he was probably just being nice because I looked a little tired and stressed, but he asked how much longer I had, and I just said "I'm here late tonight." I started parking my car as close to the door as possible because my shifts usually go to midnight, and the "preferred" employee parking is either across the parking lot, or in the back of the building beside our storage where there isn't really any lights. Men can be so creepy, especially when they're old enough to be your father (or grandfather), and still wink at you and call you "baby" or "sweetheart".
Yep. I'm non-binary, but at the time thought I was a girl. I had to break a classmates toes in middle school to get away from him. I was temporarily in a wheelchair due to injuries and he refused to accept no for an answer. So one day he came across me in an empty hallway and decided to try to force my hand by sticking his foot between my wheels and refusing to move it until I agreed to his demands. I still told him no and that he had 5 seconds to move his foot because I was rolling either way. He didn't move and I crushed his fake steel toe boots into his foot, breaking most of his toes.
Thankfully we were under a security camera (which no one was watching), so when he went off to blame me for breaking his toes for no reason (excuse me, how did your foot end up there then?), they saw what had happened. He ended up suspended because he'd already gotten too many detentions. I got a talking to about getting away and asking a teacher for help next time. My schools solution to "You can't get away from a bully who is threatening physical violence? Get away from them and ask a teacher for help"!!
Wow. Just wow. A kid in a wheelchair is being physically restrained by a bully, and they were like, "why didn't you go ask a teacher for help"??? Absolutely incredible. 🤦♀
I'm glad you got away safely, and good on you for taking out his foot in the process. Sometimes I think these people don't learn until they have some skin in the game.
I’d sue them honestly.
@@753studios6 yeah, unfortunately I didn't know that was a possibility and my parents believed school staff over me 100% of the time, regardless of any proof I had, so I couldn't even tell my parents unless I wanted to be punished.
I'm a man, more or less the same age as you, who tends to agree either in spirit or (more frequently) in practice with you. And I have no issue with this video either. I just wish there were more people like you, with your influence and passion actually answering the question. There's no shortage of men who will talk about pickup lines and how to "hunt" a woman and generally give younger guys horrible advice. But it's admittedly difficult to find examples of positive interactions and approaches. It seems obvious to those of us who at least comprehend the problems but for a lot of younger (and far too many older) men they have no idea. Even if you convince them that pick up artist bullshit is wrong and dangerous that still doesn't set an example. I've come from other problematic behaviors, thankfully not related to dating and gender dynamics, to a more positive and progressive position and I'll tell you right now, it's not always as obvious as we think. Sure, a majority of those who whine about it are just complaining so they can pretend THEY are the victims and they definitely deserve a good talking too. But some genuinely have no idea what to do and all they get from us is a list of problems and very few solutions. Sometimes it feels like we're giving the younger men a list of things to not do and behaviors to undo and then leaving them in the hope that they'll figure it out. No wonder they get wrapped back up in the Andrew Tates of the Internet. As much as it's their responsibility to understand and stop the toxic behavior it may be our responsibility to help them replace it with positive changes. If you expect someone to fix something it's not enough just to tell them how to take it apart. Reassembly is just as critical, lest you put it together in the same broken way it was before.
How about they just go on dating apps and/or singles events like normal people instead of harassing us in public? I'm so tired of men thinking they own my personal space when I'm just trying to get errands done or get home after a long day of work. Me being in your vicinity does not mean I have to interact with you, nor does it mean you are free to harass me.
I’d say that most women don’t want to be approached by someone like HIM. If those types just forever quit hitting on women, maybe we’d feel safer about other men who “approach” us! 😂 But seriously, we usually know this type in microseconds. That feeling you get when you see the approach being made and you just want to become invisible … because you know it’s going to be like trying to shake off Velcro. It turns very kind women into heartless beasts. Yup.
I'm in the process of transitioning to a wheelchair. I love all the health benefits, but one of the big surprises is that it's self-screening for douchebags! Now I never get approached by creepy "hey baby" types, because in their tiny reptilian minds I couldn't possibly be attractive. Better yet, it also screens out ableist douchebags who I might otherwise have wasted time and energy befriending. So to all the ladies who are sick of being harassed by douchebags, I would suggest that you go to a pharmacy or thrift store and get the ugliest, clunkiest cane you can find. You don't have to use it all the time, but on days you don't want to be bothered it's the best purchase you'll ever make.
"If she tells you she has a boyfriend are you supposed to stop hitting on her?" Yes
I overheard someone exclaim they were going to ‘break up that marriage’ after they heard the person they wanted to pursue was already married.
Oooh sexy home wrecker! 😂
I live in a small city where most people either already know your business or want to know your business. I call the old ladies here " security systems" because they're always looking out the window being nosy.
I had made it clear to people at work that I was not interested in starting a relationship with anyone there. Work romance is a no-no, but a few kept trying. I told one of them that I was seeing someone (which was true, for one date). Over a year later, I opened a profile on a dating app. When I went to work the next day, that guy went out of his mind. He demanded the name of my "boyfriend" so that he could let him know I was cheating on him.
He made up a whole serious relationship in his head to comfort himself for not "getting" me, and then wanted to blow up the imaginary relationship in retaliation for an imaginary attempt at cheating. But I'm the one who missed out. Uh huh.
I remember one of my brother's friends wanted to spy on me to see if I would happen to change clothes when we were, like 13 and 14. My poor brother said no, then went to check with mom that he did the right thing. It's lovely he protected me like that. I always say we need about a million more of my brother and men like him.
I don't understand approaching a stranger like that. You don't know anything about her, and you're just going to walk up and ask for her number?
The only thing you know is how the looks, that's not enough to know if you want to know more even.
Idk, maybe we all need to learn how to human😅
Isn't that what the purpose of getting contact information is for, to arrange for a meeting to learn more?
@@mo.ka.9661 maybe, but do you really have no other way to meet someone than approaching a stranger?
You know nothing about this woman, therefore the basis of your interest is that you like what you see. I find that shallow.
Maybe some women find being approached like that flattering, but to me it seems like I'm being viewed as a product to be selected.
@harnold7602 Everyone you know was a stranger to you at some point.
It should be shallow though. That's why it's like and not love. Love comes with getting to know the person on a deeper level.
You are the "product to be selected" though. And so is the guy. Like...what else do you think dating is? Analogies aren't a bad thing.
i guess you could keep it in the family to avoid strangers...
@@windy8544 so I generally meet people through friends, at social functions, at classes, at nerf battles, but if you're THAT into your female relatives, you do you, buddy lol
I frequently teach middle-schoolers. I have a reward system I call Random Question Time. Finish your work at least five minutes early, and you can ask me random questions. I don’t have to answer them, but I'll happily explain your homework in another subject or tell you about the time I met X celebrity or whatever.
One day, a boy asked me a question that boiled down to "All the rules and advice I get are contradictory. How do I REALLY get girls to like me?"
"Sure," I said. "I know this one. I've been a girl my whole life. You wanna know the secret?"
(Cue every girl in the room death-glaring at me like I'm about to betray the sisterhood.)
"The secret is: girls are people. Just like you. They like to be told they're awesome. They like people who make them laugh. They like having fun. Some of the really specific stuff is different, but mostly? Girls like guys who treat them like people and they DON'T like guys who treat them like NPCs or vending machines. So treat girls like they're people and you'll automatically be more interesting than 90% of the other guys." (Turning to look at the girls.) "Right?" (General nodding.)
Some women don't want to talk to you no matter what, just like some men don’t wanna be bros. Just keep treating them ALL like normal human beings, and word will get around about you. Women who are looking for a partner (aka the only ones you have a shot with anyway) will start looking for YOU.
It's so simple that I can teach it to 12-year-olds. And yet, and yet...
I'm glad I have a motorcycle, it's a good escape vehicle from peycho men.
I've been followed aggressively after saying "no" "I'm not dating at this time" "please go away" "don't touch me" then he blocked the door saying he ain't letting a ... Slur for transpeople act like 'it's' too good for him. I did get saved at this point, a lady and the 2 guys she was with were able to force him to leave and I figured I'd give him some time to be completely gone. He decided to wait outside till I left 2 hours later. When I noticed him following me, I panicked and first tried to lose him by taking some quick turns but he kept following speeding up so I tried the freeway, lane split for a bit at 90, nope he drove on the shoulder and his car was faster. Then I tried the streets again, but this time I sorta forgot how speed limits work while going colorblind. He stopped when he almost got hit going the wrong way into a one way. He really did not want to stop following me, it rly felt like I had offended him to the point he was rdy to do shit that very much coulda gotten both of us killed just to rectify an imaginary offense of being told no. He wasn't even trying to ask me out, he was straight up demanding sex as if he believed trans ppl were only trans for the purpose of having sex. He isn't even the only guy who has had this mindset, just the only one I ran into this month
I haven't had problem's approaching women, they don't run away. But I also don't approach them as Pepé le Pew.
I have also not had a "no!" from a woman. Why?, because I don't ask them the questions they will say "no!" to.
When I met my wife the first time, we were introduced by a common friend, and I gave her a friendly greeting, and continued treating her as a friend.
After a while she asked if we could meet and go for a walk, I said sure. We walked for some time, and then sat down to talk. When it started to get late, I sugested we go back, but she reached out for my hand. I took her hand, and we held hands while the stars became visible. She asked if I had a girlfriend, I said no, but I hoped to have one some day. She squeezed my hand tight, and that was the moment we fell in love.
Now, that I'm happily married, I've been the one saying no to women. They usually take it nicely.
Your wife asked you out. You didn't ask her out.
Have a conversation until she wishes it continue it on another day, sounds like much less pressure than trying to set up another meeting immediately
@@Devonthe12thmoon You are correct she asked me out, and that was the only "date" we ever were on.
(we had been doing other activities together before, but in the friend group)
I'm not exactly sure what are trying to say about conversations, but it peaked my interest, so if you could refrase?
A conversation with the person is a great way to go from stranger to something more. They are cost free, you get to know more about them, they learn more about you, you can figure out if you would like spending more time with them, and even if it doesn't work out they are not a complete stranger anymore.
Sounds like plenty of potential wins is a neat little package.
I'm an introverted person and it's been interesting learning about these little knowledge gaps I've missed.
My immediate thought is check the library for a book on conversation, but I feel real world experience is likely to have the bester results.
Thank you for your story
@@Devonthe12thmoon Yes you are right, I agree. The best way to start is to have a non committing conversation. That way you find out what you have in common. This can happen on a date.
But you should really start with something like a walk, because it has very low cost, only your time.
With restaurant dates there's a much higher cost. And the person paying will tend to see it as and investment, and then expect a return. I didn't go on dates where I was expected to pay, because it created that kind of situation.
Join groups with common interests or values, like I met my wife through Scouting.
I used to be very introverted, but in my mid 20s I was asked to return to scouting, to be a leader for cub scouts. I had to learn to speak to large groups of kids, and show confidence and leadership. It helped me grow a lot, and gaining friends became easy.
I don't know what will work for you. But if you are still young, you have the time to grow. Anyway I wish you the best, and I thank you for the conversation.
First! Also, let me thank you for this message, as always.
I was walking home at 2am years ago and a bloke, also wondering around at 2am, from across the road says "hi" and when I didn't reply starts screaming at me and accusing me of being rude and thinking I'm too good to acknowledge his existence and don't I know how much he's ignored already (blah blah blah). Capital L Loser.
I can't remember what my exact words were, but they were along the lines of "FVCK OFF YOU CREEP!"
Which he did.
He is now my neighbour, doesn't know I remember this, and (according to another neighbour) thinks I'm potentially a good girlfriend.
Umm, no.
All the "No"s.
This is a guy that, when he doesn't get his way threatens to self-delete, is currently in trouble with the law for choking out another neighbour while screaming "submit!" when that neighbour was defending yet another neighbour from this bloke, left notes on my car demanding that I go to his apartment because "we need to talk", left slashed apart vegetables all over my vegetable garden bed, has let himself into my apartment when I'm not home, and thrown his fist past my face more times than I can count.
He also thinks that "delusional" and "disillusioned" mean the same thing because they sound the same.
I cannot afford to show this bloke any hint of favour.
I had to tell him to his face in no uncertain terms "I want nothing to do with you!". Which is when he tried to report me to the police for threatening him with a bladed weapon.
I was cutting flowers with a flower cutter when I pointed at him not to come near me when he came to approach me.
I really need another job so I can save up to relocate from this zip code.
This is terrifying and a very dangerous situation for you. I know you understand that but do your neighbours know and understand? Do your friends and family know? I take it the cops know and they’re better than no back up, usually. Have you applied for a restraining order so if he comes onto your property or harasses you elsewhere, it’s an offence?
Call a women’s support group and ask for all the tips for keeping yourself safe, like better door locks and if you can afford them, loud alarms so if he enters your home without your consent, the whole neighbourhood knows, and ideally someone will come check on you.
Keep your phone with you always and have both 911 and a person you trust available right on your screen.
💔 Stay safe, wishing you success in moving, disgusting as it is that it’s you that has to act 💔
get a bodycam
@@seabreeze4559 they're illegal for civilian use in this country
@@TheKrispyfort not in public? if CCTV is legal, so are regular cameras
I'd like to hear what these toxic guys think an actual no would sound like in their world. Since it's not just "no", what does it have to be?
Guys, my cishet fellas, if you want a relationship:
You "approach" a woman.
You don't "approach" a boob window, or a booty, or a red hed.
You approach the person. To do that; you kinda need to know them a bit before hand.
Kinda sad it has to be worded that way, but you definitely get the idea! 👍
As a person attracted to males, I don't think, "oh a walking pack of abs with a goatee!" "Ooh I'm going to talk to that pair of muscle arms!" 😂
@DivineLightPaladin Everyone else gets it. Tbf, most cishet guys get it as well. You don't need a lot of them so that every women experience that non sense.
@@underthedice1231 very true. The creeps do tend to stand out the most because it's so unusual in contrast.
@DivineLightPaladin It's more fundamental than that. By their very nature as creeps who self-admittedly get rejected frequently, they "approach" women way more often than regular guys.
Since the normal guy gets to know the person first, he can't possibly "approach" as many. Add to that the "why can't I just approach women?" guy is more often single than the normal guy and more desperate for a relationship... you could model it as 1/30 of these guys being enough for the average women to get 3 or more of these "approaches" for every approach for whom they are.
@@underthedice1231 absolutely, great observation and well said.
They have the energy of a gambler on tilt.
I remember once, years ago, giving my number to a guy. He immediately dialed my number "wanting to make sure I gave him the 'right' number" as in I might've purposely given him a false number. Lost all interest at that point 😑
I remember my first encounter like this. I was 17 and at my first job. He was a factory worker at the same company, I would say between 35 and 40. Every time I had to walk thru the factory he would find some way to walk with me and talk to me. He finally asked me out and I said in a loud voice for everyone to hear, ARENT YOU MARRIED, which he was. Never bothered me again. From that point on I was never afraid to speak my mind when it came to men being inappropriate.
Great advice. Hopefully some men will hear this message and grow up.