Ruth Graham Testimony: The Secret POWER Of Loneliness & Overcoming Abandonment | Eric Metaxas on TBN
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- čas přidán 8. 06. 2024
- Ruth Graham joins Eric Metaxas to discuss the epidemic of loneliness, and how her lonely childhood led to a lifetime of feeling abandonment. Discover how God set her free and how Christians can overcome loneliness through worship and community. Learn more in Graham's new book, "Transforming Loneliness: Deepening Our Relationships with God and Others When We Feel Alone."
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#jesus #ericmetaxas #ruthgraham #christianity #loneliness #testimony
0:00 Intro
0:30 Childhood Loneliness
4:18 A Stigma Of Shame
8:03 Honoring God In Loneliness
12:54 With Community
16:40 Divorce & Feelings Of Abandonment
21:46 Ministry Begins With Vulnerability
23:16 Billy Graham's Unconditional Love
Being single in the church adds a whole new dimension to the topic of loneliness, as most churches tend to be very discriminating of singles. Many churches are more like social clubs for nuclear families, which makes the task of trying to find community within the Body of Christ very challenging for singles.
i felt very marginalized in church sitting in the pew by myself. i don't go to church anymore.
@@CarmonBenford I'm sorry you've had to deal with this too. It is so hard. I just read a book on the subject of singles in the church, and the author said that a higher percentage of singles don't attend church than married folks, because of this marginalization.
@@CarmonBenford I got tired of the "dirty looks"...no welcome, just a feeling of isolation. I wonder if widows are left out on purpose? I just don't go to Church much.
Sadly there is prejudice, hypocritical looks,suspicion and judgement by others - especially the wives. Hypo-Christians at their best 😢
I tend to agree with you.
I'm a 65 year old, retired old chunk a coal. After 40 years in the Wilderness, I found my way back to the Christian tradition of my youth.
I pray and meditate; read and write every day.
I've never been closer to God. The challenge of being alone made God much more real for me.
It actually has become a blessing.
Vaya con Dios!!!
Look up the autobiography Within Heaven's Gates by Rebecca Springer 😇
@@JC-du6sn Gracias!
you are diamond in God's eyes
@@charvankerck9617 Bless you!!!
@@robertstephenson6806❤w3
I was alone in my bad marriage. Moved 2100 miles away to where I knew no one & have never felt lonely since because I did connect with community & now have found an amazing church that is now home family.
Very encouraging thank you
Transparency is so healing..
Nothing is a horrible as an abusing or hate-filled marriage. It's like a life sentence.
I agree. Never felt lonelier than when I was married to the wrong person incapable of true love.
I'm lonely ms Gram I need the Lord so much the only believer that I know of mabey the Lord made this time for me to get close to him
I am so impressed by this lady’s courage to speak about a topic which is generally swept under the carpet. Through my personal experience I too have spent many years on my own through a set of circumstances, which have caused me to be lonely.
The medical profession are too quick to diagnose depression and treat the symptoms using medication rather than ask “are you lonely “.
Sadly, the techno companies are forcing a more solitary lifestyle on us . Shop,online, utilities online, dating online…….. but humans are social creatures therefore need interaction with other humans.
Admit you’re lonely and tell people, join groups, and above all speak to the Lord 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you Eric for this interview with Ruth Graham, a wonderful woman of God. She answers the question, "why does God let us suffer?" The answer is that through our personal pain we reach out to others in pain if we are in His will... for that is His plan.
On the flip side, there are people, like myself, who enjoy being alone. As I've gotten older, especially, I've distanced from friends and family in a way that only one who likes their own company can understand. I found myself at dinners feeling drained when leaving friends as they complained too much. Family members moaning and groaning about each other or life. I just enjoy my time, reading, baking, trying new things. I enjoy lunch out by myself far more than with others. I don't drink, I try to walk with God the best I can, I don't get in to the dirty jokes...no. I would rather be alone. I may very well be happier than most of my friends who are surrounded by people on a daily basis. I'm content, and I love my time with Jesus.
I am the same. I am 81 now, living alone on a minifarm in eastern Canada with chickens and sheep, learning from Jesus and from nature. I love the peace, the silence. I used to go to family occasions at my daughter's home, and would feel ripped up inside for two days after. People in groups are like a storm-tossed sea, always doing their tactics and contending and pretending. Exhausting ! . Finally I told them "too many people at once! I like to be with one or two of you at a time." With one-on-one a true friendship is possible. But they don't respond by visiting or by an invitation.. So I accept that Jesus has called me into this solitude. I think in old age most of us are granted the grace of deep solitude. Perhaps we age like fine wine.
That's good, but you will need a hand at some point. No man is an island. We need one another.
@@linak7155 Needing a hand, or lending a hand, can be quite impersonal, and so has very little to do with loneliness. Loneliness is the need for communion. And human communion is not the only kind of communion. .
I'm like you and rather introspective, but God says we are to love each other and that means to seek out others to bless them and speak into each other's lives.
@@marisamartin3664Yes, for sure. I was a counsellor before I retired, and that was my constant intent.
In your 80s, after you are dropped out of the active social flow, everything changes in amazing, wonderful ways. . This little minifarm is a place of tranquil beauty, with gardens and gentle animals. God helped me create it step by step from a cutover woodlot, little money and no bank loan.. Neighbors come when they need peace and a listening ear. I sometimes offer tame young hens and garden plants for sale, and often God uses that connection to bring people here who are troubled. But I do not maintain friendships in the ordinary sense except with one or two people.
I needed to hear this. My kids are grown and grown. Evenings at nightfall are the worst. I will give it to the Lord... thank you. Im not the only one.
I lost my sweet hubby of 50 years two years ago. We married at 18, in 1971. Never, ever thought I’d ever be living alone. It’s the hardest thing to deal with!!
@@debbiescott6836 I will pray for you. Pray for me also. The best is yet to come! God is able... 🥰🥰
@@marigoldcarter5995 Thanks Bunches! He was my buddy, my pal, my sidekick! I miss him terribly! The hardest thing is doing things all alone, he was always there with me!! I thank God everyday that I had him for as long as I did! I just thought we would be together till our 80s!! Learning to live alone is awful. The nights are the worst! I sure miss my snuggle buddy! That body pillow is not a very good replacement!!!
All the lonely people reach out, together we can make it!!
This woman is a clear example of fake Christianity and an antidote to the knowledge of God. Billy Graham was a Freemason and an antisemite so let's stop promoting his family.
What a down to earth and relatable woman. She is just authentic and real.
What a beautiful testimony. I can relate to much of this. Abandonment is a big one for me. My dad died when I was 14, and mom left when I was 16 to live with high school boyfriend, enduring years of physical and emotional abuse from older brother. These things set the pattern for my life choices unfortunately. I was almost 50 years old when I started seeking God again. I still backslide, but I keep pressing on. My alone time has allowed me to look at my life objectively. I’ve grown because of what I’ve gone through in my life. I like my alone life time, but I also enjoy the company of others.
I am praying for your granddaughter that was hit by a truck. Ruth, you are a strong woman! To be divorced for a very good reason, must have been difficult when divorce wasn't widely accepted. And then to go through 3 more marriages must have been painful. You look so happy and I am happy for you. I believe you have helped women who are going through a difficult time. Great interview Ruth and Eric!
After 50 years married, my husband died 3 years ago. The LONELINESS is overwhelming! 😢
The Church does NOT understand James 1:27!
Praying for you. So sorry for your pain. Ask the Lord for help to get out and get to know your neighbors or people at your church. There are so many young families that need older peoples influence in their lives.🙏 The Lord will light the path.
I also lost my husband a year ago last April after 51 yrs of marriage the evenings and nights are the worse, even though I know God is with me, it's still really difficult
Hi I lost my wonderful husband after 35 years of marriage. 2008. I live alone watch gospel TV on 4 different channels. At night I watch documentary and other videos on my tablet. I'm not alone. I have God with me and that's sufficient. Children have their own lives and there's nothing we can do about it. If we can accept that we will be fine. God bless.
🌺🌹🌺🌹
Ruth is great and an amazing author, always worth reading, she understands pain.
Yes...Ruth ' understands' pain...so open .. honest..very healing
Really terrific and long overdue topic, thank you! The church is obsessed with marriage seminars, bools, podcasts, conferences, etc. I've been single for 13 years and have been sensing for years that we need to discuss singleness, and not exclusively youth singleness.
Yes with a possible majority of single or divorced, widowed persons, the church is always speaking of intact families and marriage as the norm. I've been so bored and irritated with the women's conferences and so forth are stuck on this only.
@@marisamartin3664 I agree. It is so good to hear other women speaking up.
I absolutely just loved your testimony. Your honesty and boldness. Thank you both. Thank you Lord.
I love her testimony very honest
Wow. Were that all Christians so open and honest about life. I believe this sort of beautiful testimony would win more souls to Christ than 1,000 sermons. God bless Ruth’s courage and faith.
It's tricky, feeling abandoned. It doesn't matter the circumstances, whether there was intent to abandon. My parents divorced when I was 18 months and I didn't see my dad for several months, then only every other weekend. I spent my whole life missing my dad. He never intended to abandon me, but it was how I responded to his absence. Now at 55, I have a good relationship with my dad, and there has been forgiveness and reconciliation. I'm so glad. But those feelings still resonate.
I thank God for this woman of Godand for Mr. Metaxes!
Thank you and God bless you Ruth 🙏 Loneliness needs to be acknowledged as it is more common than what people are prepared to admit. You are very brave to talk about yourself in such a way. It is appreciated and what I needed to hear ✨
Eric, thank you for your interview with Ruth Graham. A friend and brother in Christ shared with me his struggle with loneliness and longing to find a Christian woman with whom to spend his life. We share that longing and desire. We both belong to a wonderful group (family) but still miss the love and affection that a Christian marriage provides.
We met when you visited our church because of your relationship with the Crumplers, our pastors. I appreciate your ministry 😊.
I think one of the reasons people have stopped going to church as a place to feel as if they belong is because, these days, far more churches than not say “welcome home” or “welcome to the family” once on Sunday morning from the pulpit. Then, for the rest of the week, no one reaches out to one another, if any major life crisis happens the church is often distant and very hesitant to get too involved, etc. And when people mention these issues ti leadership, they are often told that opportunities are there but people have to choose to get involved. But going to a small group for 6 weeks at a time or so isn’t really being a part of someone’s life. This is a major problem in today’s church world.
It takes work for all of us to see where we are needed or can help someone. It can't work any other way
Love love love the way you interviewed Ruth Graham !!! You are so good at this and your speeches too. God bless !!
Beautiful story. The Prodigal Daughter had come home to open arms. You got me about to cry at the library.
I love her honesty. God bless you Ruth.
I relate so hard to Ruth .....
I can't tell you how I needed to hear your testimony about the marriages. I'm going to get your book. Thank you for your transparency. You have so blessed me and freed me from a silent struggle. (I understand how being married to a narcissist is very painful. )
Ruth, you are telling MY story.
What a great interview. Thanks for having Ruth. I could relate so much with her struggles.
Fascinating interview. I happen to be Jewish. Trust me, us Jews suffer too. I guess we just don’t talk about it as much. We tend to keep it to ourselves.
I gotta get the book...I'm living this same truth?!!! I'm going on 70yrs old, and even in a crowd, I have been totally alone! If it wasn't for Jesus, I would not have made it through...He is the only constant in my life; and He is all I really need!!! Even in churches I have felt isolated because people can be all about themselves and unreachable...Now that I'm older, people are having dementia, illnesses, or going home with the Lord, so I don't really reach out anymore...Life happens!!!
We have to keep looking for opportunities to serve that change with the times and situation. They are there- maybe with younger people.
Billy Graham was such a great man of God & Ruth most certainly is her father's daughter as well as her Father's daughter...thank you both for exposing this taboo (worldwide?) topic.
Agape & Godspeed to you & yours ❤
THANK GOD for coming through for you and all of us
You are amazingly strong and beautiful daughter of GOD!
Thank you for sharing this inspiring msg
Thank you, Ruth, for telling this story. What a beautiful thing it is that you do not cast blame upon your father. Romans 8:28 has been lived out in your life. I am learning from your testimony.
She should cast blame on her father because he was an antisemite Freemason and a counterfeit Christian.
You know, Ruth, you are right! Just the acknowledgment of abandonment is the start to healing. I'm 66 and had a dad that provided for all our physical needs, but not emotional...but Jesus is right there beside us healing all the way! Let us worship how great a God we serve!
Thank you very much for sharing Ruth Graham👏👏👏 💖
Thank you for honesty.. 😢, bless you, Ruth. ❤
Ruth, you are wonderful. Such a glamorous woman. What you are talking about is so relevant. Thank you for your testimony. I loved this part about Christmas evening with the Lord. God bless you both.
Mother Teresa’s once commented that of all the diseases she saw people experience loneliness was at the top of her list worldwide. Weather you were rich or poor. Loneliness occurs as a epidemic!
I’m so lonely. I’m 61 and can’t seem to make any new friends. All my old friends are gone; moved, divorced, dead, etc. I’m retired but my husband is still working. Please pray for me.
WOW! A great woman filled with love!
Totally can relate to this woman . What a blessing she is to all of us who have experienced the loss and pain of losing someone or something and then expected to move forward. BUT GOD!!! Praise Jesus for this lady bringing light to a dark subject ❤🙏
Me too
Look up the autobiography Within Heaven's Gates by Rebecca Springer 😇
Facinating. Circumstances created a solitary isolated life. At first it was a relief but gradually i felt lonely...this didnt last long because the Lord began His work on my mind body and soul. ...in the quiet safe place. I thank Him for the isolation now...and for the deeper relationship. Christ often sought quiet places to speak with His Father. ISAIAH 26 does mention the safe place. When i do connect with the outside everything becomes vivid.
Soooo precious ❤
Thankyou Ruth for sharing this❤
Breathe in -grace
Breathe out-grace. You are breathing. Alive. Be present.
What is next? The next right thing. Prepare to do it. Do it.
Even if no one sees . No one knows the depth of the aloneness. Except Father God. He knows. Always He knows.
The why of long days and longer nights may not be mine to know, but the Way through the hours is always Jesus.
Wow, that was very profound, poetic, and helpful. You should definitely leave more comments!
❤️Ruth! She has her mother, Ruth’s, strength !!
Lonliness has been my life's companion, the Lord has been with me but the human side of me has suffered and I do not believe God created us for lonliness.
It is up to us as well as others to see we are not lonely. Reach out to people and groups. Some will eventually become friends.
Thanks for sharing your story Ruth. I’m sure you will touch many lives as you have mine. Blessings!
Love your show Eric!!❤
If I could I would give this a thousand ❤
An oncologist told me that he was saved at a BG crusade. It is sad that BG's children had to suffer for the salvation of so many. It is a impetus to pray for the kids of spiritual leaders.
They may have suffered some. but they didn't have godless, or vicioius, violent, or perverse parents as many have. It isn't really so awful in the long run.
I wish I could have heard more. Thanks for posting this🎉
This is a beautiful conversation. Thank you to both of you for it.Eric you are awesome! I love it when people are real. I can relate to her singing Christmas carols at the piano one of my most memorable Christmases was Christmas Eve driving back home to be by myself on Christmas Eve when things with my family had gone Way beyond South. I Sang Christmas carols and cried most of the way home 2 hours. Will never forget that
Pray for new friends!!
Whew. Target. I needed this.
This helped me greatly 💖
Thank you. God bless you and yours indeed.
This is Ruth, sister of Ann Graham Lotz…. Daughters of ❤Billy & Ruth Graham….
Love this interview!, love her father BG to pieces 🥰🥰... Now loving his daughter... This is actually my life 😢🌺🙏🏽... New sub🥰🌺🙏🏽
Thank you both❤❤❤❤❤❤
Most ppl hate me even my parents. I am as I write here planning my escape . I am 62. I have just began to realise how ppl don’t want me around.
Yikes. My life! Also! Dear lady, thankyou. Jesus is bringing me through and I am learning sufficiency.
It's not just church it's the right church. You can go every week have coffee then go home & be just as lonely as people have their lives they are getting back to it. She is still surrounded by family. Loneliness is being completely alone 24/7 when you have been there God is your whole life and the one you completely rely on.
A beautiful lady.
I've joined a church but they have their own friends and it hasn't worked for them to include me, as a single, in their avticities.
This has been my life in the church, but I kept being friendly, and eventually have several Christian friends, both married and single.
Alot of this does not add up but still sad.
Woman u are. Just. Lovely 💛
Yes, people are alone I am alone and I have 10 grandkids but they’re busy with their lives and I have three daughters and they’re also busy with their lives.
Two of the daughters are not even much able to connect with me anyway.
So I am alone I belong to a church and I do whatever I can.
But I do have some medical issues. Which makes it really hard because unless I can go out and do stuff I’m stuck in my house.
I am 76 and I’m usually very vital, but not lately.
So what she said, happens to other people all the time…and people leave on holidays a lot too.
Families are divided and everybody is not one big unit anymore.
And I speak to some about how I’m lonely.
They don’t even care so I understand what she is saying and the best thing to do is just deal with it with Jesus I guess.
She sounds like the most sane person i’ve ever heard 🤔
strong wonan
Oh Lord! Poor lady! No wonder she prefer be alone!
"Loneliness is a terrible thing."
Terrible as an army, set in battle array...Alone is where we come to know God's own passionate desire for company. Or not. Should we continue to wish to be attractive, to draw company to our selves, and we are thwarted--"loneliness", or isolation, is our revenge. "Take this God. Take this, family of man--you can't reach me."
Resolve? Solution? How have we missed this reality--God's Will is to live His own Divine Life in US! To be insufficiently alone--to be in the tabernacle, the temple of the Holy Ghost--is the 1st step. An available being, open to God's reconciliation! The genuine end of loneliness, and beginning of eternal, immortal company. The cloud of friendly witnesses awaits...
I trust in God alone.I have Never felt loneliness.
I trust in God also,however, I have felt alone many times in my life. Just think about been the only African American in your place of employment where no one seems to understand the things you face in life,many times you don't want to get out of bed and go to that job.
Are you saying if you trust God alone , people don’t have loneliness ?
I wrote a song "I'll get Along Without You One More Christmas." Sung by Anita O'Day
real 💌
I was alone friends did invite me thanksgiving Christmas went on a Hike Took pictures found Joy ❤
THIS is such A Anointed talk. Love the Graham's. Yes a COUPLE CHURCH,marriages,and being single she has on Point. Need to feel NEEDED, wanted and Loved. Talk to JESUS he is the lover of my SOUL. Thank You . Have to get your book. YES spend Thanksgiving and Christmas ALONE unless invited to family homes,or FRIENDS. GOD BLESS YOU. ❤️❤️❤️☮️☮️☮️🔥🔥🔥🙏🙏🙏😊😁😃🖐️👌👍
what do you do? Elderly, Isolated, and Alone for long years; no family, no community, rejected, failed at every attempt...afraid my pets will starve if I die.
I’m so sorry to hear that wish i could help but we live in Australia - will at least pray for you that someone does come to care for you emotionally and physically 🙏
My husband left me with 4 children at the age of 29 w out means of support I’m 93 now, my Bible w the HOLY SPIRIT helped me navigate, (church) life for a divorce women is no place for them because the LORD teaches us the very depths of his love & compassion without out the terrible hurt & rejection. I am watching the LORD building a body on the Rock of Testimonies (not a so called church) where real people are knitted together! That is how the 12 were sent out on the word of the LORDS WORD & the word of their TESTIMONY As divorces which is cast aside to face gossip alone were now dawning together & sharing the wonderful walk w the HOLY SPIRITS & HIS wonderful voice!!! Psalm 23. HE leads me etc
@austinsullivan7651 absolutely the braveness and this interview will sure be a blessing to many.
Need more truthful interviews like this that reflects the true situation of this World today.
This human being and let's be fair whoever it be a man/ woman might have gone through terrifying and emotionally distressing situations to take such decisions in life. And please note it's a daughter of a Missionary and a father having his own commitments to God could not be always available for his daughters and who devoted his life to spreading the Gospel and love of Jesus Christ. Almighty God will be a Father to such. And we don't judge and take the place of our Lord Yeshua whose Abundant grace will always be on this children and the blessed Billy Graham family. Amen !! God bless you Ruth Graham and the interviewer Eric.. appreciate for this beautiful interview and brave testimony in Christ.
Elisabeth Elliot wrote quite a bit about Loneliness.......... It's an emotional state through which one can navigate to new insights and spiritual gtowth.
It takes awhile to get to that point. Loneliness is very difficult and wearing to your soul .
Everything I’ve heard or read lately from one of the Grahams have been “woe is me”. I loved Billy Graham but I’m grateful for the teaching from other pastors on being spirit filled, taking authority, grace, resisting the enemy and many other ways of living a victorious Christian life! We don’t have to live “under the circumstances”. Thank you, Jesus!
When was this recorded?
Look up the autobiography Within Heaven's Gates by Rebecca Springer 😇
C - community. But what if church is where you feel the loneliest? Divorced. I’ve been involved serving in the church and still feel lonely. Never really feel like I belong even among Christians. Haven’t been attending in about 10 months. No one has noticed and has even asked why they haven’t seen me.
She had Christmas Day with children and a husband yet he left for several hours to hunt and she's lonely. Please. I dont mean to be uncharitable but try being a 64 year old widow, with no children, NO family ( all dead) best friend dead along with 98% of my other friends. Havent heard from my late husbands family since he died, 8 years. I belong to widows groups, book clubs, church etc but everything is surface level acquaintance stuff. Wish I had a husband who left me for a few hours on Christmas and came back.
Yes I've often thought women can sometimes never be satisfied
Great comment.
Its disheartening when pastor say you have to stay and then weaponize the scripture.. i still divorced for unfaithfulness..dont regret it..
Many women are dead because of bad, uncaring pastoral counsel to remain with violent men who they would NEVER consider living in the same house with.
Ruth, your Dad most likely realized that he had made a mistake himself by leaving his family for lengthy periods of time and God frowns upon that. Forgive me Father!🙏💕
I wonder why her husband's felt it so necessary to divorce her? To me, that's very telling. Yes, she had to go to boarding school, but she had wonderful, godly parents to come home to. Many of us did not have such a blessing. Even so, we got on and accepted life without resentment and bitterness. We look back and see that the Lord was in all our circumstances using them to teach and refine our characters to be like Him. If we let Him. And there's the lesson here. Don't let self pity rule and decide how you'll go forward. It's easy to say, trust the Lord to guide, but really, that's the honest truth.
She should have talked to Dr Laura.
I LOVE the Fact that a CHRISTIAN WOMEN Coming from a WELL KNOWN EVANGELICAL FAMILY The World Knows is TRANSPARENT & KNOWS THAT JESUS LOVES HER NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES
This woman has had lots of problems. Some she caused herself. I hope she has found peace.
SHALOM UNTO AMBASSADORS OF YAHSHUA JESUS MESSIAH>EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY FOR THOSE GOING THROUGH LONELINESS TO HEAR 👂 THIS HEALING TESTIMONY ALSO REALIZING THAT IT CAN BEGIN IN YOUR MOTHER'S WOMB DEPENDING IF @ THAT TIME WITH OUT SAYING MOM HERSELF COULD HAVE BEEN EXPERIENCING THE SAME LONELINESS
Ruth should have called Betty! Wonder what Betty was doing?!
Weren't you with your children on that "lonely" Christmas? Play with them? YOU were NOT alone
The girls left you at a hospital where you were about to have surgery because, as you put it, "they knew"... you were in good hands. Are you kidding me? Like I just started watching this and I pray the "girls" are not your daughters. Who does that?
After listening to her story, she should stick with her cat.
He should have been home first - God first wives second children third & congregation last.
Being an evangelist is entirely different than being a pastor.
@@GwendaOates-kp7de Does not matter - your wife and kids come before the evangelism - that is the order says God himself.
She sickens me. I hope Eric has a better guest next show
What a mean person you are. What is your problem?
I think you can’t handle the truth.
I don't like her very much myself.. Kinda think Eric doesn't either.
@@mondopinion3777 any person who jumps in and out of Christian marriage so thoughtlessly--what does she have to offer to anyone by way of interview, book, etc.? Making repeated vows unto the Lord and people while holding a sense that we are entitled to default on them--the Bible is clear that we would fare better not to make such promises. Our Father in Heaven is so merciful of our failings and draws close a humble repentant admission. I shudder the thought that I would ever be entitled to reckless insincerity. God is not mocked.
@@Julia29853 No. I'm quite discerning.
I've always said someone will realise I'm dead when they smell me rotting.
I'll always ring and check on people but for some reason no one has ever done it in return.
I lost my mother young my father disowned me and i just live a lonely life with no one in my life.
I've done it for 45 years now and i just accept it as i have no choice not to or it makes me depressed or have bad bad thoughts about myself.
I know I'll die with no one beside me and that's ok.
I definitely don't wish it on anyone else at all.