I explain all 5 Twilight movies while caught in a love triangle with mythical beasts
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- čas přidán 27. 07. 2024
- Dr. Jordan Breeding explains the entire Twilight Saga Movie Timeline so he can choose whether to marry a vampire or a werewolf. Hopefully they don’t make a Twilight 6.
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Written, Directed, and Performed By: Jordan Breeding
Director of Photography: Dave Brown
Edited By: Jordan Breeding, Bryan Slack
Intro Sequence Animation By: Pablo Hernan Blua, Sofia Mateos
Music By: Jordan Breeding, Brandon O’Neill
Script Consulting By: Cezary Jan Strusiewicz, Logan Trent
Special Guest: Teja Vadlamudi
Pablo's Instagram: / phblua
Sofia’s Instagram: / sofiamateoss
Dave's Instagram: / deforestbrown
Brandon's Band: open.spotify.com/artist/4IDDd...
Cezary's Twitter: / ostrichson
Logan's Twitter: / thelogantrent
00:00 - Intro
00:50 - TWILIGHT
29:45 - NEW MOON
58:40 - ECLIPSE
1:19:21 - BREAKING DAWN PART 1
1:39:30 - BREAKING DAWN PART 2
1:53:33 - Finally, a compromise
#twilight #kristenstewart #robertpattinson - Komedie
If you liked this hard-to-make video, consider checking out our PATREON: www.patreon.com/drjordanbreeding or channel memberships! czcams.com/channels/UfeQmlNZVQdzjiFBSwjOrQ.htmljoin . They’re identical in all the ways that matter *winks slowly and knowingly and vampire-like*.
Please, or his kids are going to starve.
"she thought she died and like, came to take her gamecube"
Pretty much literally happened to me. Lived with my mom, she died, landlord and his kids drop in, i'm like 'no, someone's still here', and the kids had already taken my gamecube.
@@KeithElliott-zd8cx That's wild haha
@@Drjordanbreeding yeah, just sort of funny that, not only did they come in looking for shit after a death, but it was actually a gamecube.
@@KeithElliott-zd8cx That’s so friggin’ illegal 😳
8:31 Jokes on you. Everyone knows that the Snyder Cut of Twilight is actually Fifty Shades of Grey.
Oh crap you're so right
It's absolutely criminal how little exposure this channel is getting.
I feel like the videos actually do pretty well considering the channel size! They just get there over time rather than all at once.
You single handedly became the face of Cracked while being just as funny as the original people, you kick ass Breeding!
Plus you're dedication to this awesome format actually feels fresh which is so rare these days on YT.
Not only that you engage with your audience and always did even on Cracked, we've had many back and forths over the time you've been doimg this, it's awesome, we all just think you deserve a bigger audience for your efforts!
If you get the chance to sell out, do it and tell em Zak sent you! 🤣
@@zakbrown9256 This is all extremely kind. If I sell out, I'll be sure to mention you haha
I know, right? ❤
"I mean... Its fuckin weird."
Probably the best way to describe the style you've honed and I love it so much
Thanks haha
Haven't watched the video. Commenting for engagement. Gonna let it run in while i do chores so google thinks that I watched the ads, then come back and re-watch it "Ad free." I'm clever.
GENIUS
@@DrjordanbreedingBRILLIANT
MARVELOUSLY ENDOWED!
Aww that's so nice.
I had no idea such a clever trick exists! So you just let it end all the way, then press replay? Or manually move the little cursor thingy back to the beginning?
What I was hoping throughout the whole series was that when Jacob's grandfather turned into a wolf his wheelchair would turn into a doggie wheel chair. All the Oscars for Twilight if it had done that.
I love this so much
I don’t think I can live in this world anymore, considering that didn’t happen.
This may be a little deep for a CZcams comment but I lost my best friend almost 2 weeks ago now. The guy I started this channel with, my GoldenEye friend, my Dave.
I've been understandably off since but sitting down and watching this video after work last night was the first time I was genuinely cracking up laughing again consistently since he passed.
Watching your stuff reminds me of hanging out and riffing with my now gone best friend and THAT is why I love your stuff so much sir.
Please keep up the amazing work.
Shoot, I'm so sorry to hear that. That really, really sucks. I'm glad this got to be a bit of a distraction at least.
❤❤
babe wake up new comfort video just dropped 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
BABE HURRY
The john cena edit is NOT played out, the callbacks to familiar jokes always kill me.
*PATHETIC!!*
YES I KNOW THIS IS THE WRONG THUMBNAIL BUT IT'S CLEANER AND CLEARER I'M SORRY.
This kind of wildcard behaviour is exactly why Dave's parents thought you were feral, I stg 😂
And you called this a democracy?!
Not yet, but you will be.....
@@ronat16 Holy crap you're probably right haha
@@JCash119 I NEVER SAID THAT
My favorite part of Twilight is Bella going "omg, Jacob, you're basically a baby and way too young for me" with their two year age gap. Ma'am, your boyfriend died during WWI.
Right!?
"Edward might as well eat every estate lawyer in the world, buy a wig, and pretend that he found a bag of money"
Gold.
I liked it when vampires were confused by a handful of corn. I'm oldskool like that
That's MY vampires!
One kernel, ah ah ah, two kernels, ah ah ah... sixty-nine thousand, four hundred and twenty kernels ah ah ah
They get….cornfused? I suppose there’s a kernel of truth to that.
@thebroddha9153 the count lives ah ah ah.
@aint2proud2meg lol! Yes, they have to stop to count the corn, or pins or whatever other small, numerous, objects you drop in front of them. Giving you time to escape
Had a surreal experience. A 5-second commercial popped up at exactly the moment you’d normally do a cutaway gag and it took the whole commercial to realize it wasn’t intentional.
For the record, it was a possibly sparkly vampire in the sun moment cutting to the commercial that goes “light it up!” and then a sax solo.
It’s a weird way to say I enjoy your cutaway jokes but cannot predict them.
I do actually intentionally place ads in spots like that haha
@@Drjordanbreeding also, was that an Edward Penishands reference?
That's too good 😂 light it up! ✨Sparkly jazz hands✨
I had too much self respect to have watched any of these movies, but look at me now. No pride, just love for Jordan and Dave.
Nobody here has any respect for ANYTHING
I found my people!
Dave kidnapped my family AGAIN! and said if I didn't watch, like and comment, he would force them into life long servitude as your channel editors. So here I am, enjoying myself for them.
Your sacrifice is noted
It's crazy that Twilight speedran into their baseball arc. In anime, you usually get at least a half season before that happens.
Wait… your children feed on the blood of patrons? Is that why I’m so weak and tired all the time? You mean, it WASNT law school?!
It’s BOTH
"You cant go to Switzerland! You said you were Switzerland! They cant both be true!" Man i love these videos 😂
IT'S TRUE THO
Long: ✓
Brutal: ✓
Good actors, acting badly: ✓
Somewhat competent filmmaking: ✓
Ahhhh yes the proper sweet spot for DR. J Breeding.
This is where I THRIVE
@@Drjordanbreeding It was awesome; but how did you get through that entire video without even once poking at the author’s Mormon background being the driving force behind Edward’s staunch refusal to do the naughties with her until she turned 18 and they could get married?
@@Bethsabee_Sheba_Newrose this may surprise you, but I do basically zero research for these haha
The marriage only had to wait because LDS doesn't want attention brought to parental consent bypassing the age requirement.@@Bethsabee_Sheba_Newrose
@@Drjordanbreeding …you know what? A lot more things make sense now that I’m aware of this.
Early Breeders, let's go!
"Dave, put your pants back on! And what's up with the salad dressing?" XD
Haha YES
@@Drjordanbreeding Here's hoping Casper makes an appearance in the review and the prophecy is fulfilled!
P.S. Great job on the intro and theme song. Short and sweet motifs getting right to the point but identifiable enough. Really digging it.
@@TheSaxDragon Haha thanks!
If you did a follow-up video where you discussed the several legal ways the vampires and werewolves would get screwed over in the modern day. Trail cameras, social security numbers, it's a gold mine.
Haha maybe somedayyyyy
As well as age of consent laws
Trail cameras: super human senses, smell hearing etc. Electronic device emit a high pitch while or some kind of noise outside of most human hearing range. Social security numbers: often they have dominate, or the ability to just hypnotise and command people into whatever and leave them with no memory of it. Or there's the Skyrim solution of unaliving someone and now your them.
Yeah lots of issues to be sure but easier than you think
Daddy Doctor Cullen’s income taxes…
At least they never have medical bills!
I was in actual high school when these movies came out and I still don't look as old as these "permanent teenagers" did.
Haha yeah
Can't wait for the Medea content!😂❤
Haha uhhhhhh
@@Drjordanbreeding get the same one martin Lawrence used in big mama to
No he’s gotta do the big mommas house movies first 😂.
how to flirt with a twilight vampire: "sniff me like a countertop in a 70s disco bathroom"
Works every time!
Bet you show more emotion than Kristen Stewart did in the whole series
Man, I hope so
😂
Trilogy?
@@boomboomskidskid, my bad. Corrected now. Thanks!
15:55. "this joke is played out..."
NEVER GIVE UP!
I’m trying to enjoy, but all I can think is wow what a beautiful window seat that is…
I'll let my parents know haha
Every time I think of Twilight, I'm reminded of a Wattpad retelling I read a few years ago, where Charlie is Italian, Bella goes to see SmackDown in Phoenix, and later makes friends with CM Punk, there's a cameo of Stephanie Meyer, the La Push girls have their own werewolf pack (and also a D&D group), and the Undertaker kills a vampire with a scythe.
Wow that sounds better
@@Drjordanbreeding The scythe thing alone sounds as rad as heck
Wtf
@@librarianseth5572Doesn't that happen in Interview with the Vampire?
“Dan did you meet any cullens…?” Was just…. *chefs kiss*
Haha thank you
3 minutes in and I've already had enough Madea in this twilight retrospective.
Ha sorry
As someone who unfortunately read the books as a teen before realizing how weird they were, I really needed you tearing these movies apart
Feels like therapy in the best of ways
I’m here to help you heal
At this stage I now know more about Twilight then any other film series I haven't actually watched
Yay? Haha
Well, knowledge is power, so knowledge about the Twilight series must be....uh, no, that doesn't sound right. 🤔
Couldn't stand to leave Jordan hanging @ 48:55, so I air-fived him back. Facts.
I felt it!
From the jokes, the sound bites, the music references, the Dave convos, the callbacks, & overall production this video is a 10/10 & surely up there with Beernado for me. Keep doing your thing bro
Amazing! So glad you think so!
I’ve been coating on the body glitter for HOURS. Let’s goooo ✨
Oh man you're so ready!
Dammit, DJB, that's another set of movies you've saved me the trouble of watching! They looked positively grueling to sit through, much less edit, so my hat's off once for the effort and once again for the jokes. Oh, and one more hats-off for the sneaky Cat-Stevens-via-Sheryl-Crow clip. Thanks!
Glad you enjoyed it haha
That Ezra Miller joke 😂💀
Ha thank you
I had to pause the video😂
I'VE BEEN CHECKING THE CHANNEL EVERYDAY FOR A MONTH JUST FOR THIS ONE VIDEO, I AM SO HAPPY
I hope the wait was worth it!
I'm disappointed that you didn't make the connection between this series and the film "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Jasper was turned into a vampire during the civil war and Lincoln was killing vampires aiding the confederate army. Same universe
Ha I thought about it (I’ve read that book, actually) but I just didn’t have anything to say haha
@@Drjordanbreeding fair enough love the vids
Hey Jordan, this is a weird thing to put in a comment. I'm two days recovering from a nearly fatal mental health event, and seeing this popup has put a hard shot of cheer into my life. Thanks for putting these out there. You're the fucking man.
Oh man I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad this video could help in some small way!
@@Drjordanbreeding hey Jodan, what's your hot take on the longest film series of all time: Protestantism. Are good works enough?? Or is Calvin (the cartoon character) right again?
@@yourGalDee There are definitely some good moments
"are they always like this?" "It's getting worse with old age" with the name tags made me cackle out loud, and it's only five minutes into the video. This is gonna be a good ride.
Hah yeah I love that little bit
@@Drjordanbreedingthe best part is going to be how well this comment age. You KNOW you're children in the future will not listen to past you
If a series has a cop daddy, Dr Breeding will be there
Amen!
Love that editor call out. your videos are really funny and well done. I never had any interest in this movie series but for you I'd watch a video about anything. Keep up the great work.
Wow, thanks! Yeah every video is usually divvied up between several of us, although this one was mostly me (except the first section was mostly Bryan!)
I am honestly shocked (and thankful) that someone hasn’t gotten a good way through making an official spinoff based of the Twilight series.
An hour fifty-four?! I like this return to short-form content!
It was a BREEZE
Hahaha you're the best man! Perfect timing just saved me from having nothing to listen to at work right now 😂
Enjoy!
I dont care how many people cover twilight, I'll watch all the videos. My love for twilight is based firmly on how much i can make fun of it
It is so supernaturally sucky.
Man that intro tune rocks so hard
Glad you dig it!
There's only 2 good things about these movies: This video right here, and also Anna Kendrick.
The big two as I say
Love Dave's mask with the glasses
Haha that was his idea, actually
The way the unhinged editing of these videos remains so consistent… I love it.
Glad you like them!
Every video gets more chaotic and brilliant. I can't wait until a few years from now when the videos have reached their true form: several hours of non-stop boner and poop jokes.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted haha
Not going to lie, I was worried about the funny to cringe ratio of jokes with this series, but Jordan knocked it out of the park
That's good to here!
Swaim convinced you didn't he?
So glad my credit popped during the Dumb and Dumber clip. 😂😂😂
Screenshot that for posterity!
@@DrjordanbreedingThat was absolutely the first thing I did. 🙃
I love that I saved this video as something to watch while I’m donating blood. And yes, I realized the irony of it after I arrived at the office. Fortunately, nobody here seems pale or sparkly enough to keep my blood for themselves.
Oooooo perfect haha
I left a kind of harsh criticism on another video about the frenetic nature and difficulty to follow the through line, this video is that criticism destroyed, it's way tighter, you say more with less words which keeps the scripting super tight, it's point, joke point, cutaway all on the same through line, you never miss the overall point or lose track of what's going on. I know this kind of editing is very labor intensive but everything flows so well in a straight line, rather than the individual pieces taking away from the whole they all contribute, rather than it being hard to stay engaged it's the opposite, it sucks you and engages you. It's so good.
Edit: My new criticism is continuity, the light changes quite a bit during the filming, just letting you know
Wow well that’s really great to hear (lighting aside, stupid Dave)
Charlie is such a passive dad because he's trying to make up for beating up Bella's mom and buring the evidence in his last precinct.
Now you got me making headcanon about Twilight!
Yo the Kung pow enter the fist clip? Amazing. This whole video is hilarious
Haha happy to serve!
@@Drjordanbreeding"weeeeooooo weeeeeoo weeeeoooo" " again with the squeaky shoes"
Since the moment you gave us a heads up, I have been BREATHLESSLY WAITING.
And it's here!
The fact that you only refer to him as “Ed” is sending me 😂😂
Are you Team Ed?
@@Drjordanbreeding the only team I’m on is the Breeders BABYYYY
Oh man, it feels weird being so timely to the video! I know what I'm about to do with my time! Thanks Dr! You got a loyal Breeder in me!
Well... good luck haha
You're a better human than me. I've never seen any of these movies. I think it is making this a lot funnier, though.
I’m glad you’re enjoying it!
funny enough i saw the first twilight in a theatre yesterday and seeing that masterpiece in the big screen as an adult is crazy
People really have fun with those haha
I don’t even care, the sparkling in the sun is everything. I said what I said. But as a girl who loves glitter, diamond like, and the like things… I’m not upset.
"People have hymens DAVE!!" You need to put that on a shirt. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I can't believe he doesn't believe in those
Tbf, not *all* people have hymens. And some have 2. It can be confusing, I'm glad you can set Dave right.
Snyder scares me. I found out the plot to Suckerpunch and now I'm worried his crimes are worse than Dave's crimes.
All hail our robot (algorithm) overlords!
God, dude, these videos rip. I keep coming back to 'em. I've been watching (both these and the other ones on... another channel, ...somewhere...) basically on repeat for like, the last three months. Idk what it is, but your videos make me really happy, Doctor. You're crushing it, I honestly don't look forward to any other channel releases nearly as much. CZcams may think it's weird, but it really does it for me, so hopefully keep crankin' em out, and I'll 110% keep watching (seriously, I can't stop)
That's so great to hear! More on the way!
1:25:48 "iiii much enjoyed the sex and arrived many a-times" is so funny to me, ive laughed out loud a lot during this video but this one really got me choking on my food. This whole video is so funny. Ive watched it 4 times because I'm doing other stuff too and find something new to laugh at every time. This is the only channel that I immediately click the video as soon as I see an upload, regardless of the content. Ive never seen the purge or 50 shades but ive watched these videos a few times 😂 scream was my favorite, and resident evil and underworld from the time on cracked but I seriously watch at least one video a day from this channel as a guilty pleasure binge when im getting ready in the morning or lunch or getting dinner ready or laying down. I cant help it, it picks my mood up and makes me laugh. It's like Cody Ko and Noel Miller with the old "its cringe", guaranteed to make me laugh. But it's so much better because its longer and just what im looking for! (Thats what she said)
I'm so glad to hear it!
Watching this early so Dave can Imprint all of us #breeders
OH NO
My God, I love these videos! Laughing out loud and keeping Dr. Breeding's kids fed. This is a good thing...
You are so kind haha
LMFAO the more I think about it, the comparison of Edward to Ezra Miller actually makes sense 🤣
THEY ARE THE SAME
He must’ve had fun! the old Dr Jordan joy is here loud and proud!!!
Haha glad you think so!
@@Drjordanbreeding 😂😂
20:28 Another thing, they mention that they always come back to town eventually, but they would have to make sure it was long enough that EVERYONE is dead.
Oh yeah... weird
Downright sloppy.
"You guys think I'm just some CZcams nerd..." I knew Breeding wasn't just a family name.
I EARNED my family name
That Madea joke made me spit my drink out all over my desk at work lmfao what the hell😂
Haha I think that one was actually Logan!
Yay! You went with the first one!!!
I did haha
Finally!! Learn all about those hot vampire and werewolf so we can stop Dave!!!
WE HAVE TO
The John Cena joke makes me smile. I may have to bring that up with my therapist.
Hell yeah haha
Thank you for suffering for our entertainment as always Dr. Breeding! Your framing device was still a better love story than Twilight.
Haha hell yeah thank you
Finally, the Breeding I've been waiting for.😂
It’s here!
OK. So, you gotta do the Medea movies now. You gots to do it!
I think... that would be unwise haha
@@Drjordanbreedingit would be so unwise
@@Drjordanbreeding You're probably right. DANGIT!
@@DrjordanbreedingCHOOSE LIFE JORDAN!
I freaking love the new intro's you have! Can't wait to dive into 2 more hours of the Doctor's Prescription; more great videos!
Glad you like them! More on the way
Your new Summit logo is much more fitting, for them.😂❤
That's what I was thinking haha
Im making too many comments, but I think its poignant to point out that the writer of Twilight was/is a devout Mormon and thats why theres soo many times of old fashioned thinking about sex and marriage and souls and baby keeping. And in the book, Bella wears a long khaki skirt and sweaters (for modesty) to formally meet his family, and in the movie they wanted to keep her covered up to kind of reflect that without outright saying it. But I just found it interesting that when you apply some good ol religious beliefs to the moral ambiguity of the movie, you can kinda tell there was some mini-fundamentalism in there lol. Especially the books
Huh... well there you go!
I did not know that. Interesting.... I bet the writer partook in the sin of caffeine while writing their series of books about demons and stuff. I bet they even skipped family night and didn't go to Temple!
I feel like I'm living in an echo chamber here in Jacksonville. Like we don't realize that we are living in hell's waiting room but everyone else does lol.
Ha sorry!
I HAVE BEEN WAITING LITERAL YEARS FOR THIS!
It’s here!!!
Today is a much better day now!
I hope so!
Jordan you have a lovely home
This is my parents' house haha. Definitely not mine.
Haven't started the reactions yet, but your Madea joke being punctuated with a clip from Diary of a Mad Black Woman is class
That’s what we’re all about here
Honestly i remember telling my friend not to read it but she did and thought the creeping at someone while they slept wasnt too bad. Thankfully as people got older they noticed how creepy it was
Need to make a poll, team Jordan vs team Dave
NO
@@Drjordanbreeding 😭 don’t be scared of Dave 😁
@@jdfaustThe Dave's could gain control of the Dave cloning machine, putting down a single Dave is easy enough, Jordan is a Doctor and has.... A LOT of practice at this point, and honestly, it's a social service, and a mercy.... But.... Many Dave's become a big problem.
Do X-Men. Do it. X-Men. DOOOOOO IIIIIIT
Somedayyyyy
@@Drjordanbreeding im going to keep asking til it happens lol
@@Drjordanbreeding with the new deadpool movie coming out the algorythm will be favorable to it
Shout out to Dave, addressing those nasty allegations of him being an Italian.
Gotta get out ahead of it
Here's a comment for the algorithm, all praise be. The drunkest I've ever been was while trying to watch one of the last movies, I worked at a movie theater, it was an employee screening, and I was bribed with booze. I spent most of the movie vomiting, although I've heard you don't even need to be wasted for that to happen
Wow did they fire you? Haha
@@Drjordanbreeding I was not, it was after business hours, I was of legal age to drink, but most importantly the manager who was hanging around for it was a young dude who wouldn't have cared had he caught me the several times I went to the bathroom to vomit
I'm team Jordan.
AWwwwwWWWWwwWWwW
@@DrjordanbreedingWell I was going to be "Team Dave" but that seems problematic.
@@TheLegPumpkin It absolutely is
Doc, is it supposed to sparkle like this?
Sparkle is in your heart
That Don Broco mention is top tier. ✨chef's kiss✨
yesssss
@@Drjordanbreeding just got to the Attack Attack! joke. Another top tier mention, sir
The surprise Don Broco, Sleep Token, and Bilmuri shout out put a huge smile on my face.
Hell yeah haha