Was it childhood emotional abuse?
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- What is childhood emotional abuse? There is childhood emotional abuse and there is childhood emotional neglect, while they may be similar, they do have some differences. I just made a video about childhood emotional neglect which I'll link below. Childhood trauma may manifest into ptsd or other unhealthy behaviors if not dealt with -- such as codependency, unhealthy relationship patterns, dissociation, addiction among many other things. In this video I will also talk you through what childhood trauma may look like then and today, and how to begin your healing process from childhood abuse or trauma. Whether you experienced physical abuse or emotional abuse by your mother, your father, your primary caregiver or even another member who had a significant parental force in your life, or a sister or a brother, you can still experience the effects of this abuse into adulthood. So beginning a childhood emotional trauma, ptsd or abuse healing journey is important and vital for a free life. I always love to hear your experience on these subjects in the comments, so feel free to share or ask any questions.
0:06: Emotional abuse is often overlooked and can be hard to recognize, especially in childhood.
4:14: The video discusses the signs of emotional abuse in childhood and its lasting effects on adults, emphasizing the importance of identifying and navigating the impact in the present.
7:22: The video discusses the signs of childhood emotional abuse and the impact it can have on adult relationships.
Recap by Tammy AI
Doing inner child work may help you on your childhood emotional neglect recovery journey. Explore my inner child workshop here: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/liv...
9 signs you experienced childhood emotional neglect: • 9 signs YOU experience...
More signs of childhood emotional neglect: • 9 Signs of Childhood E...
Subtle signs of childhood emotional neglect: • 7 Subtle Signs of Chil...
6 ways to heal from childhood emotional abuse or trauma: • 6 Ways to Heal from Ch...
6 signs of childhood emotional abuse and neglect: • 6 Signs of Emotional A...
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It took many years of sensing something was always "wrong"....into my 40's and past, to realize how much abuse and neglect actually occurred.
I’m in my early 50’s with a Behavioural Science (Psychology) degree & have spent over 35 years diligently doing a very deep dive on several key areas of Psychology in order to try & understand my highly dysfunctional family.
And yet, despite always being regarded by my peers as being “highly intelligent”, & possessing what I would confidently describe as having a very “sophisticated” understanding of those topics, emotionally I am a complete mess as I battle to try & overcome 45+ years of toxic family behaviours & repeated complex trauma that are still occurring to this day! Please believe me, when I say that I understand your struggle & wish you all the very best. 🙏
@@carlmullerlane Thank you for your kind words. appreciate you.
I have realized that whatever happened is behind me, and that my family was toxic.
I have become hyper-aware of my relationships and emotional perceptions with friends. I read Proverbs and diligently apply these principles to enjoy fulfilling peace and inner tranquility.
In essence, I have forgiven myself for those issues borne out of the family dysfunction.
The healing process has also helped in deepening my friendships and my appreciation of them.
Merry Christmas to you, and thank you again. I wish you peace and love.
Both of your stories really touched me. Thank you for sharing.
@@saraheighmy8279 Thank you. Hopefully, sharing helps reduce the stigma for those with similar stories. ☺
Same
I realized that loyalty was just keeping secrets. My mother often said, "Anything that happens in this house, stays in this house." I brought that into my adult years and finally realized that not talking about abuse allowed it to keep happening.
!! This!! “ people don’t need to know our business “ always thrown around.
My dad told me the same thing
I just turned 33 and realizing how badly I've been treated my entire life. I'm now working on healing.
I'm 50 and only last year I learned about the level of abuse I experienced as a child and teen. I went no contact with my parents and underwent therapy. I still battle the internal negative voices every day. Luckily I'm now surrounded by amazing and loving people.
I’m so happy to hear that. I hope I can get this as well for myself. I’m in such a bad mental state it’s not even funny. It’s gonna take my life soon if I don’t break free.
@@GlitteranGoldThe audio version of C-PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker is available on CZcams. It’s a game changer. You will stop blaming yourself and understand what happened to cause you to struggle the way you do, but more importantly you will learn how to stop the inner critic that is trying to destroy you. Very helpful!
I’m 36 and won’t even let people in anymore. I’m lucky to have a husband and a beautiful 6 year old boy who was just diagnosed with level 2 autism so my hands are usually full. Im too busy trying to make sure I’m parenting correctly for my son. I just don’t need anymore heartbreak from others. Emotionally I can’t take anymore.
You are a kind and beautiful person.
God bless you.
❤
It's great to hear you have your husband and son and what you do for and with them❣️
Sending you love, strength, tolerance and many other blessings🧡🩷❤💙💜
I can certainly empathize. I often don’t want to let people in. I have had therapists cop an attitude at me over this. I learned to fire such a therapist on the spot.
Brown rice and beans will cure your hatred.
It took me leaving my parents to live on my own to realize that I have been emotionally neglected/abused. I am in the process of recovering from what happened to me.
You are SO right about not remembering childhood. In my case, I remember emotions in those years rather than what happened, because I simply cannot remember anything specific. However, any big betrayals I do remember because those events stuck with me.
That is so true. I hadn’t seen this in words before.
Yes! I don’t remember specific dialogue but I remember the feeling in my body. Sometimes I remember the overall message or a short one, but not exact words. When I remember events, I primarily feel the intense emotions in my body.
One time a therapist asked me what specific things family members have said to me. I didn’t know how to answer because I only remembered the feeling. I couldn’t always pinpoint every event because they would mush together into a general feeling. Of course there were ones that stand out, but still.
I know things happened but I was young and don’t remember specifics but I know a general idea of what happened.
Thanks for your uploads Katie. You've really helped me feel better by realising that what I went through and felt in my childhood wasn't me being crazy/weird/drama queen etc, but that my mother is in fact a narcissist with my dad being her flying monkey. I finally came to this realisation at the age of 40 and it was so liberating. I felt like concrete had been lifted off my shoulders
I am so glad I could be helpful!! And yes!! Omg I cannot imagine that weight that must have been lifted :) xoxo
My parents were very emotionally abusive towards me from when I was 18 to when I was 24. Dozens of mental health professionals abused me from 23 to 25. I'm not sure whether or not people's current stance towards my stress and the results of it count as gaslighting, but the incredible lack of compassion from so many sources is.mind boggling.
The "mental health system" is basically like a concentration camp or prison. It made me HATE society. Nothing but disrepect, abuse, patronizing condesending, manipulative, nonsense, oppressive government propaganda. etc.
My parents would yell at me a lot when I was a child. Mostly when they would argue with each other and take their anger out on me. I became very quiet growing up and be scared of what people would say about me. I thought I was alone. This video made me understand a lot about why I am still shy and afraid to speak my mind
People used to tell me emotional abuse isn’t as bad as physical/sexual abuse or it’s “not a big deal”…
Quite the contrary, sadly. Bruises fade, emotional wounds can traumatize you for life
They gaslit you. That's cruel.
My family and childhood was so toxic that even listening to this video hurts as it brings back many memories which i tried hard to move on from.
I shouldn't have clicked on this video. I keep unlocking these revelations about how damaged I truly am, and I'm getting overwhelmed. I'm 33. I've lived this way with these problems since I can remember. I don't know what I can even do to heal everything that's wrong with me. I'm a bipolar, codependent, emotionally scarred child and I have to heal it all on my own. I can't do all that _and_ go to work, _and_ take care of my physical health. I can't rely on those around me, because I'm too damaged to let them in. I'm not going to make it without support, guys. I have to let people in, but I _can't._ I'm really scared I'm not going to win this round with the bipolar.
Therapy, and you already know it.
❤
You will make it friend. I believe in you. I relate.
You need to take care of your mental health or your physical health won't matter. Everything worth doing is hard. You'll thank yourself later if you commit to doing the hard work now.
I am also bipolar and codependent and am getting a lot better life feels so much easier than it used to. Believe in yourself you can do it you have self awareness on your side.
At 67 this has opened up issues that need further attention I thank you Katie😊
Of course! I am so glad it was helpful :) xoxo
I grew up in a Christian fundamentalist family in Tennessee. You can imagine what that's like.
Being afraid I was going to be left behind when the rapture happened and then burnt forever in hell. Sometimes, when I couldn't find my parents, I would begin to panic. I wasn't the only one who experienced this. I heard others talk about it. My mom even joked to me once.
"Did you think ylthe rapture happened and you got left behind?" Laughs.
She told me I'm going to burn I hell just a few days ago.
The gaslighting is real.
"You send yourself to hell!"
I've never been officially diagnosed with ADHD but I've looked at the symptoms and I match all of them to a T.
My family wouldn't recognize neurodivergent disorders. The Bible said it's just because I'm sinful so don't spare the rod.
I remember one of the pastors when he was preaching.
"We need to stop drugging our kids and give them a good whipping, out of love!"
Thos was met with cheers and applause.
I got beaten to the point of red track marks across my gluten that ended in a bruise.
Me and my dad have been I shouting matches over that before.
"You don't know what it's like raising kids!"
That's completely irrelevant! I was the one who was hit with a foreign object on an intimate part of my body! I know what it did to me!
I'm agnostic now.
I also grew up in abusive fundamentalist family, church and school. CS Lewis’s Mere Christianity and another book The Search for Significance by McGee really helped me sort some things out. The God the abusers taught isn’t the God who made me and saved me. When triggered, I experience psychosis related to the rapture happening and end of the world scenarios and hell. My relationship with God has been chaotic, but He isn’t. He saw what they did to me-and He’s shown me He really is good. He understands why you chose agnosticism. They lied to you about Him. I wish you the best. ❤️
I can imagine what it's like and do know . My mom thought I was Satan himself . Was told I was going to Hell a lot . No one's to judge but God . Also , the antichrist arrives 1st . Those churches that teach we'll fly away , and that we don't have to know the book of Revelations are wrong . Discipline and abusing your child are two different things .
So sorry. Religion can be so hypocritical and abusive in order to control though fear.
I wouldnt blame 'religion'...its the people .... who totally misunderstand and dish out abuse thinking they are doing something right. @superstacyrenee1
not one person can send another to hell because we are already there.
Wow Kati, the timing of this video is perfect. I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago with cptsd. Both my therapist and psychiatrist used the word abuse. I've had trouble accepting that word, not because I think my parents were perfect, but because it seems to convey bad intent, which I'm certain my parents never intended.
I grew up in a relatively normal home (which I now know can be part of my own normalization) and have some extremely mentally healthy and secure siblings, which begs the question- what happened to make me struggle with trauma when they're perfectly fine? I do know though, that it's the sensitive kids among us, who are dealing as adults with mental health issues. So I guess it was abusive but didn't effect some and ruined others. I find that crazy.
After 17 years in therapy I feel like it's time for me to face the trauma and the truth of the abuse of power my parents used. It's hard, bc as you mentioned, there's no real proof, and that can drive you crazy.
I have all the signs you mentioned, so I guess the aftermath can be proof of the abuse as well. Thank you for organizing my thoughts better.
If you haven't read it yet, and can stomach it, pick up The Body Keeps the Score. I struggled with wondering why 5 of my siblings were healthy relationships and were successful in life, opposed to myself being so broken. Reading that book really helped me to recognize how my siblings and I had different experiences and methods of coping each of us had in our own ways. It took some "homework" but the book was essential in laying out the foundation.
Also, a big thing I realized is that siblings don't exactly have the same parents, i.e. I have some sisters that are 14 and 16 years older than I; our mother was at different points in her life as she raised us. Not to mention we can be raised concurrently and yet be treated differently.
Some people do not deserve to be in your life, it was my hardest realization and I have never liked it but it is better than them being a part of my life.
The mother that emotionally neglected me it tooks years of recovery and sobriety but now I am proud to have had No Contact in 3 years from her and I have never been more at peace.
My mom is a narcissist
@@reeferseasalt Big hug.
@@reeferseasalt You made the right choice.
I've experienced emotional and verbal abuse from therapists so I'm done. Its all very well to say keep looking for one but I cant risk anymore trauma. The covert narc ones know who they can take advantage of. Your videos are all the therapist help Im going to get and Im ok with that.
This is something I’ve slowing been realizing over time. I’m 29 now, but I feel like a lot of how I am today, was shaped by how my mother raised us. But I had everything I needed and I was a good kid with both parents still together. But I never would let my mom in, and I still like to keep things private from my parents. I don’t think they know about half of the experiences I’ve had in life. My mom would be upset with me as a kid that I didn’t “tell her things.” But I never knew why that was the case or why I felt that way.
Getting a very late adhd diagnosis also has me questioning all of my traits, issues, and struggles.
I would never be able to bring this up to my mom without her freaking out and most likely telling me that I am ungrateful. I also do not want to hurt her feelings because she has no clue. Such a difficult situation.
My son does the same thing. I simply want to be there for him.
I recently was diagnosed with c-ptsd and want to thank you for all that you do around this topic. All my adult problems (I am 40+) come down to emotional neglect in my childhood and I am keen to start working on them with my new therapist to finally find a way to live more happy and secure and without trying to sabotage myself.
Your videos are a great help on the way and I feel I can lean on them whenever I get stressed out and anxious.
Thank you for all you do.
I often get the advice that I need to 'heal my inner child,' but the problem is that I don't remember most of my childhood and I don't remember what it was like to be a child.
Just care about her, however she manifests herself to you. Or maybe you could do it vicariously by taking care and being tender to those left behind
Join the club I guess.
Kati I have been watching your videos since my divorce in 2018. You have this way of being so inclusive and authentic in your counseling. I am so grateful you are sharing your gift to heal so many. Keep doing what you do! You're making a difference in this world, I promise.
Aww thanks :) I am so grateful you found me!! xoxo
Low self esteem
Trust issues
Emotion regulation difficulty
Learned helplessness (also, agency issues though she didn't mention it)
Difficulty with attachment
Perfectionism
(Six out of six so far)
Conflict avoidance - uhh... maybe only kinda. I mean, everybody avoids conflict to some extent. Mostly I just don't get loud. I don't stand up for myself or argue on my own behalf but I do get stubborn when I think I'm in the right which actually can cause conflict sometimes (a lot, really). So that's kinda the opposite?
I dunno, but six (and a half) out of seven still feels like a lot.
On the bright side though.... I'm not trying to take away from the serious value of this video, but on a more playful note I kinda love that shirt. It just looks really fun.
Can't wait to show this to my entire family and have them downplay, deny, and downright invalidate me despite no one willingly speaking to the one who birthed me!! Your videos are very very informative and each word punches me right in my core!! Wow! Genuinely spot on. :D (these actually do help me and my friends and colleagues who have lived through this childhood as well, please never stop helping people in such deep ways) You are loved, even if sometimes the world feels wide, seek out the warmth of kind people on the days you struggle, you're never a burden.
Im 41 and getting therapy for anxiety, low self esteem and trauma. We have identified i had a bad upbringing.
Everything mentioned really spoke to me. Im going to bring this up with my therapist in my next session. Thank you Kati
Is it bad that I can say I have/had all 7 of these issues? The loss of memory is also very real to me. It's weird to hear Kati say all these things that I can recognize as traits I have. It makes me feel not so alone in this. Thank you for saving lives!
Your not alone
Spot on. Great, clear, concise explanations. I’m 60. I’ve been unwinding from my past experiences to gain clarity and understanding, and essentially help heal the wounded parts, and transcend my tainted self-perceptions. The toxic independence especially hit home. Hit me in the heart. A point I had not seen before. Thanks very much for sharing! 🙏❤️
The phrase "toxic independence" made me sit up. That sounds so accurate to me.
@@auldthymer Definitely me too! I was eating breakfast and I literally felt a pang hit my heart!
Your not alone. It's taken me decade's to decompress and recreate a healthy self image. It hasn't been easy but what help a lot in this process is having the courage to identify my parents as the liers they are.
Thank you for this video and these last uploads about childhood emotional neglect. I discovered this is the root of issues.
This is so helpful, both the listing of reasons why it’s hard to identify with the label of emotional abuse, and the signs you were abused. I am in my 50s and just now trying to come to terms with my childhood and finally be able to work past the emotional charge of my childhood. I’m starting EMDR soon and I have so much hope in being able to be free of my constant fear and anger.
Thank you Kati for making this video. I am really struggling with the very present consequences of this kind of abuse. It was validating to hear you speak about all that I had experienced and giving it understanding. 💛 The gray area between abuse and healthy is one I grapple with, because I am still close to my family. The gaslighting is real and the underestimation about the struggles I have emotionally now, is hurtful. I shut down, zone out, extreme procrastination, and dissociate when the world seems to much and there's just too many things the balance and too much sensory stimulation.
I've been having a really hard time lately: navigating going back to university, working, feeling lonely, isolating and questioning my self worth when I find things hard that seems realatively simple to others, hating my body, and binge eating out of stress and comfort seeking.
P.S. You're shirt is lovely.
🙂
This was very powerful and helpful. Thank you Kati!! 😊
Thanks for having captioned videos and time stamps - it helps to learn about topics you’re covering at any time without the sound on
You can never escape that abuse, subconsciously you will always end up displaying the affects. Communication and understanding is helpful in the healing process. Kati is absolutely amazing and has helped so much. God bless you, and good luck to you all!
Beliefs inform your actions. If you are convinced you can not leave it behind, then you will never know any semblance of healthy relationships or peace of mind. It is all in how open you remain to different, strange experiences despite the fear
I somewhat agree with your comment in that it will take constant and consistent inner work over a long period of time to change the subconscious thinking to understand the abuse ended a long time ago and now as adult I don't have to endure nor believe the lies told to me anymore and replace beliefs with new ones. As said before replacement process will take time & effort, consistency & vigilance over lifetime. Even with all the work put in, there can still be a part of subconscious still hurt from the past abuse.
The worst moment is when they threaten to do or send you somewhere and in the past it actually happened. For others It gets psychical yet self defense was punished. Life is unfortunate sometimes.
Sadly, in my country there’s no help, unless you are su*cid*a*l. It’s a sad situation, having to carry the load of emotional childhood abuse and neglect, all by yourself. But that’s just the reality of the country I live in. Unless you can afford going to a private psychiatrist or psychologist. If you can’t you’re on your own. 🤷🏼♀️
That's how it is in most countries I would imagine .Any free services are usually sub par .I pay $205 a session for 50 minutes .I go once every 3 weeks. I prioritize it .I can bearly afford it either
Where are you from?
@@evagabrysova8871 Norway.
That is heart breaking 😢
@@tamiwigginton7137 Yes, it is. And it’s not even an exaggeration. We also have a big problem with having so few psychologists and psychiatrists in Norway, and the politicians aren’t exactly prioritizing mental health either.
There’s obviously great therapists etc out there, and if you do manage to get the help you need, (most likely through private practice) you got a good chance of getting the help you need. However with the cost being around 300 USD per session, if you choose to go private, then it adds up pretty quickly.
- Norway is a very rich country in many ways. Financially we’re at the top of the list.
But unfortunately mental health is not on top of the politicians priorities, except for when they need to be seen as popular before a new election comes up. And there’s a new fast rising part of the population that lives beneath the poverty line. Which is concerning. For them, the parents it’s about being able to feed their kids, but not eat themselves.
So while I love my country in many ways, I hate how screwed up the mental health care system is, and how the politicians (not all, but far too many) don’t care about a big their own people is living beneath the poverty line. We know that mental health and economy is many ways closely linked.
- Also, this is not a left or right thing, - the left is more often than not champagne socialists, while the right side is at times more honest and straightforward about their politics. (- Sometimes) They just don’t care. 🤷🏼♀️
Another great video. I went through a lot of it myself, and even though all of my elders are gone, I am still hurting from years of abuse. Merry Christmas!
Thank you for posting this and continuing to inform and help
Lighting the self on fire to help others. Is so true!
Right?!?! Ugh :(
Thanks for posting this video. It really means a lot because I learned so much about it.
betrayal is a never closing wound...
Saw this recommended to me in my CZcams feed, and instantly recognized nearly every sign in myself. Especially in relation to one of your other videos about emotional neglect. I had come to a realization recently after I stopped working a second job with a relative, who was emotionally abusive to me after I tried to cheer them up when they were having a rough day, that by neglecting my emotional needs and desires they were behaving similar to my father. Now because I established boundaries, it has caused issues with my found family also because the abuser has been coddled their entire life.
I was raised by 65 year old man who is now 91. I know my dad is old but he constantly shouts and insults my brother and I whenever we are trying to help him out anyway we can. Especially with errands or housework. I grew up with ADHD, and he was also never sensitive about my learning disability. He doesn’t have dementia. He’s just impatient, impulsive, insensitive, and stubborn. But he was the only parent I had after my mom left him when I was 5. 😢
It has affected my entire life. The tears that come when I write this are just as real as 65 years ago. I was the black sheep. I could list the woes that was my life, but I’m sure anyone here could match them. I’m not sure you ever recover.
❤
This video is invaluable… thank you for speaking about this topic, it is difficult to come to terms with this, as it can feel as if one is betraying one’s own family only by thinking about “abuse”. Reframing it as “unhealthy” is a way to go. Also, like you mentioned, it’s not black or white, emotions are nuanced and it is not as evident as a physical scar….I was gaslit and shamed and called “ungrateful”… when all along there were so many instances where it just didn’t feel right…. Things that feel hurtful, invasive, threatening, humiliating, insulting, unfair, infantilizing, unemptahic, regardless if it comes from one’s family, is not right. I totally lost my “emotional compass” thanks to the gaslighting and minimizing. It was a natural thing for them, and it was hard to frame or even understand this reality when I was constantly told my feelings and perceptions are wrong…. “That never happened” “they did the best they could, how can you not see that?” “Other people suffer abuses, you come from a loving family.” etc…. Emotional scars are truly difficult to see because you may carry them inside you and sometimes you don’t even know about them…. they accompany you in your soul, in how you see and regard yourself, how you stand-up for yourself (or not) when you need to… I wasn’t even able to express my anger until my 20s!!…..all the way, I was trying to be complacent, perfect and sweet and always agree with everyone….Because I would be damned if I don’t… and how right I was… i exploded and all my shadow self aspect and demons did too😂😂 at least I feel free and whole and complete, and like an individual who is worthy of existing without being judged or shamed….. I am so glad this is being spoken about and I am committed to making out of my pain, also a light for others… Thank you Katie for being that for me❤ I wish you the very best!!
I am a survivor of emotional neglect that provided me with cPTSD among everything else... And I've still got the ol bipolar disorder. Anywho, I came to rec a wonderful, helpful book I have read by Dr. Jonice Webb, and it's called Running on Empty. It answered so much. Very enlightening and validating.
How can 2 sisters grow up in the same household, same parents, and be totally different? We both see our childhoods differently. She was the happy one I was the sad one. Always unhappy and crying. Never felt like I fit in.
Maybe you were the scapegoat child. Maybe she's gaslighting you. Explore it for yourself and come up with your own conclusion
Thank you Kati
I kan relate to it I I tried to make sense af it until this day sometimes it's were confusing in my head but seeing your videos like this one it makes more sense ❤
Thank you for this video. This is my first time finding your content en CZcams, so I don’t know if you have covered this other subject already in another video. That subject would be the long lasting effects of emotional abuse by childhood peers lasting into adulthood.
Thank you for sharing this! This was helpful! It explains everything 😭 I sent it to my mother lol
I suffered mental, emotional and physical abuse as a child mainly from my mother and I have every one of these signs and symptoms. The abuse spilled over into adulthood from the people I chose to be around and now I isolate to protect myself. I've also been in therapy for years now but still haven't been able to speak about, or touch on some or most of that abuse. It's very hard to live with especially if you internalize everything. I'd love to see a video where you share tips on how to process this and overcome this cuz I still haven't figured that out yet.
Best video yet Kati!
Wow, from the few years i've been following your channel, for the first time, all of the points you mentioned at the end applied to me. It's a bit weird for me to think about it, and I know that those points could be linked to something else, (i think that might be the case for me) i just wanted say thank you for putting out videos and sharing the knowledge :)
Thank you for your video! it helped me... Btw i LOVE your shirt! I would totally wear that :)
I experience all these, but I can’t remember my childhood being emotionally abusive. Which, might be because if dissociation, loyalty, gaslighting etc 😂 what a catch 22. How am I supposed to feel valid about being emotionally abused as a kid, when I can’t remember/acknowledge it?
I’m 54 years old and You just described my entire being without having any idea who I even am.
Wow only about 8 minutes since this video has been uploaded and it’s already hit 80 likes. Thanks for another weekly dose of mental health content😊
Yup again this week, a lot of this fits on me. I have been to a psychologist for the past year, but things go oh so slowly. Part of it might be that it's very hard for me to be motivated to face my fears, since I've been in this "isolated phobic comfort zone" for a long time now, where things are fairly bad, but manageable mentally. I can't figure out how to tip the scales to dare to go for some "better unknown" vs the "bad known" so to speak.
🧡
It's hard to trust anything when ...for your entire life, so many important things/people around you have been less-than-deserving your trust. Or worse. Problem is, you'll introduce awkward and embarrassing experiences for yourself because of the emotional wedge in your soul. And you can't just reason that wedge away just because you're supposed to.
Thanks so much for this!
Thank you very much I needed this
Hello Kati! I'm new to your channel but it helped me a lot to get understanding about psychology, so thanks for making those videos! BTW.... I've some suggestions which would help me a lot. So I would be much obliged if you could make videos on the following. If anything is already there on your channel, please guide me to that video.
1. Difference between Schizotypal Personality Disorder, Delusional Disorder, Schizophrenia(maybe) with no hallucinations. I'm not quite sure whether I'm misdiagnosed.
2.Borderline Personality Disorder vs Schizophrenia at paranoia and clear differences between both
3. Sadistic Personality Disorder vs Obsessed with horror - This seriously matters me because I saw a lot of gory, abandoning, losing and other kinds of nightmares which caused me to hurt so much and later on, I watched such media to normalize them, started loving them and now I'm being rejected by society because of it. Not because I've said I watch so, but they got to know that I watch them. Although, I get really angry with cult groups which violate the independence and rights of other humans(Ex:- Afghanistan, North Korea) but I've been identified as someone who's strange. Also please help me to understand what to do.
4. Liminal Spaces and relevant psychology - What causes me to like strange horror based places and hate childhood places which bring anxiety, evening being so harsh + Why I feel very unpleasant with this kind of music. (Sad, losing a loved one, future etc.)
Link:-
5. Why do people always leave us without clear signs?
6. Why does someone always worry about not having friends but don't want friends as he's scared and what to do?(In my case, I often don't feel like going out, I often take part in online classes, I'm not helpful to others and I think that I deserve to have no friends because of it.
7. I've been bullied for a long period of time in school and by then my self esteem dropped to a very low level (also I was experiencing religious criticism by commemorating bible verses, listening to speeches, talking to god-psychosis) and now, I don't get memories of it but I doubt whether I still have effects of it. I couldn't highlight this to the doctor that I consulted and I want you to explain what I might feel subconsciously and what I should say next time.
8. Also, why do I always feel like I've done something wrong to feel excessively guilty and can't forgive myself? I feel like I'm not helping my parents well because I'm a victim of sloth.
9. Could you also do a video which proves that you don't have dementia? I'm 20 years old but my memory is much worse than my father's and I've never been diagnosed with dementia(Doctor never asked about the symptoms either)
My learned helplessness has ruined so many things
Your not alone. No matter what I said or did, it was never good enough. I learned helplessness too, due to emotional abuse, spiritual neglect, psychological abuse, mental cruelty as well as psychical abuse. My parents would also call me names. I've therapy over the year's but whenever a therapist would break down and cry there just wasn't any hope of getting help.
I like the idea of saying unhealthy vs abuse. 😻❤
Why?
First comment on my favorite mental health creator’s video!
woot woot!!! xoxo
Checked all the boxes for the past. Presently, they're known struggles and I got lucky w my therapist. Three of them are almost completely gone: self-esteem self-worth issues, regulation of emotion, and toxic independence. The rest are a work in progress, as the days pass, aspects of mysel buried come to the surface, fear holds less and less power over my life so other trustworthy ppl can enter and helplessness diminishes more. ❤ If it were easy, the journey would never be as rewarding.
Forcing me into Boy Scouts.
Forcing hair cuts onto me, super short, buzz cuts for years.
Forcing me to take care of the dog, even though at there adoption visit, I stayed on the other end of the cage from the thing.
Thank you, yes. Wow. I’m letting go of all that weight with help. Took years to uncover, now awaiting autism diagnosis, truly a black sheep.
These hit hard...
I am all seven, especially no 6. Now I know why I don't start sewing and arts and crafts projects.
I remember when I was about 6 years old, my mother had set the dining room table up as a painting area for my brother and me. When our father came home I asked him what he thought of my painting. I remember looking up at him and he was not looking at my painting. Instead he was looking at the items on the table: the newspaper covering the table, the paints, the brushes, the cups of paint water, and the extra paper, and he said in a stern tone "Look at all the mess you've made" and then he walked away.
In the kitchen there was a large covered boiler on the floor in the corner by the side door that was large enough to put items on. My mother had put my painting on it to dry. My father walked past it and knocked it off, and when he picked it up he screwed it up into a ball to throw away. My mother and I were in the kitchen at the time and saw this. I was almost in tears and my mother told him that was my picture, to which my father replied "I thought it was rubbish". Two ways to read that: (1) it was rubbish paper, (2) he thought my painting was rubbish.
That was when I knew my father did not love me, and 21 years ago he, as he would put it, 'finally washed his hands of me'. Yet he still has the nerve and audacity to ask my brother how I am.
is this why i cry so easily? I cry over everything,, I'm crying now thinking of how unavailable my parents were.. they did their best and i know they loved me .. and i hardly remember a thing from my childhood..
I remember being in hospital was I was 6yrs old and I had to stay an extra night. I was really happy because the nurse was really kind to me, I longed for my mum to be kind to me. She called me stupid and pathetic, accused me of doing it on purpose just to get attention. She was clearly very angry and contemptuous towards me. I would have preferred to go home than have her sitting next to me ruining everything, at least I could have hidden from her. She used that against me for over 30yrs until I pointed out that only she looked bad in that story.
I only just started the video, but the "Fear of consequences" part hits so, so close to home. It has for most of my life. As long as I can remember, even up to now. The worst part is that, after growing up deeply fearing the consequences of standing up for myself, I find I have an extremely hard time doing it in any part of my life even when my parents aren't involved. I'm extremely stubborn about standing up for people and animals who are being mistreated or need someone in their corner, because that makes me mad and I'm naturally driven to be protective when its warranted. But myself? ..No. I almost can't. I just freeze up and don't know what to say (and typically cry, which I 100% cannot control, which only makes me cry more because I was yelled at for crying as a kid after being treated like shit). I just want to run away from the issue, as that's all I've ever been able to do. I've had coworkers (respectively) tell me I'm a pushover when I talk about how some coworkers mistreate me, and I sadly agree. I'm driven to defend others, but I'm basically unable to defend myself. I was never allowed to. And I'm terrified of what will happen if I do.
Edit: I didn't realize I was emotionally abused by my parents for most of my childhood until I had just graduated from high school and was talking with my boyfriend at the time (who still remains my closest friend and the person to understands me the most and supports me like no one else ever had....like my parents never have). I've known for my years now that my parents are at least somewhat emotionally abusive, especially after explaining to multiple people (and some therapists) the things my parents have done and still do. But this? This is one of the most prominent things to make me realize I was emotionally abused (and tbh still am, just not as much). I relate to all of these, especially the first couple and last couple. They're some of my biggest day to do struggles in life, and it made me cry to realize it. Like I kinda figured these feelings were because of the abuse, but damn it sure packs a punch to see that yeah, it most likely actually was. Man, its rough. Especially when, ya know, I can't talk to my parents about it for multiple obvious reasons. At least I can look at how they treated me and use it as a blueprint on how to *not* treat my future kids. And what to watch for so my parents don't also abuse my future kids.
Sometimes I get really angry when i realize my upbringing is the reason why I'm having such a hard time feeling apart of this world. I literally have all 7 symptoms and it's a tough pill to swallow given all the shame from reactions of being emotionally abused. Currently in the process of healing my inner child.
I'm 76 and still don't have close friendships that last, was emotionally abused ( even now )! I don't know how to stop so many years of this.
Your not alone. It was a learned behavior. Only Jesus was able to set me free from this type of bondage.
My dad thought that if you yelled at a child long enough, they would change into the person you want them to be. I have every one of these symptoms. The really bad part, though, is that now, my dad is an amazing person. How can you be mad at someone that isn't the person you were mad at anymore...?
Really spot on
I’m 50 and I’m a happy person now, but I don’t feel things the way others do. It’s like those parts are broken. I don’t feel sad by it, it’s just an empty place where something belongs. It was a hard road to get where I am today.
True, in school it happened very badly for two years. 😢
Your all worthy people u gotta endure we all went through it
I grew up with abusive parents: my dad was a violent alcoholic and my mum was/is emotionally abusive with me and my sister and i recognised myself in everything you said in this video.
I'm from a country where people don't believe in mental health that whatever happens to us is because we deserve it or they would say we're lying about it. So we don't get any other choice than just accept whatever happens to us. I'm almost 30 and i still have to live with my mother and still have to bear all the nonsensical fights that can be about anything like why there is only 1 type of dessert on the table or something like that every single day.
I spent few years abroad for university and those were the best years of my life. This is why my goal is to find a job abroad but it feels wrong. I'm really passionate about my field of work but knowing that 1 of the reasons i want to work abroad is because i want to get out of here is just sad and I'm afraid of things going wrong at some point
I sincerely hope you are able to break away and make the life you want and deserve. Fully understand that this will not be easy. I only threw off those chains after my mother’s death. I was 47 by then. Here’s hoping it won’t be that long for you👍
@reubenroo thank you I'm just trying to get out of the house in 1 way or another
The 2 words that immediately came to mind: "bullying" & "harassment". School is suppose to be like a second home. Children in my elementary & high school were verbally abusive & physically violent. They were jealous I come from a loving & supportive family. Bullies felt is their right to injure & threaten people. "You deliberately scored on my team to make me look bad. I'm better than you at this sport, so it is my right to humiliate you & injure you. You have no right to score on me. If you defend yourself, you are disrespecting me." 🤦♂(I was not aware shutouts are possible in basketball or I ruined the shutout when I scored the 3rd goal for my team [We were losing 2-12 in soccer]). 🤦♂There was a boy who found out another boy's grandma had passed so he mocked him & threw punches at him during gym class. The defendant won the fight. The aggressor then tried to get the defendant punished by the teacher. 🤦♂Students felt a need to attack those who are vulnerable instead of showing empathy. Roles reversed they expect others to be empathetic to them. 🤷♂I will never go to the school re-union. I will never get an apology, will only speak to me if they want something that benefits them, or still try to convince me they never done anything wrong towards me & others. Also, it is really sad as adults they never grew up & scared what I will say to their children. I was at a bakery, a child asked "Daddy, how do you know him?" He rushed out. No child, especially in the early years, needs to hear about their parents' past. To this day, it still bothers me. I am grateful my support system has allowed me to continue to be a loving person.
I am now realise why i have some issues with human relationships and social communication and connections.
Because i know that my childhood. Horrible . I want to healing my inner child in mid 40s. It will happened. I will get some great success and happiness and best relationship in my life. Healing
I know you didn't realize it, but you made this for me. Thank you. There's to much to even start to get into and I'm struggling with recent diagnosis that has led to so much realization, it's ridiculous. I have been in therapy for 33 years and tour videos this past year have taught me more than all the therapy.
God bless you Kati
When I say that I‘ve experienced sexual abuse as an adult, I got more believe and empathy than saying that I‘ve experience worst emotional abuse & neglect by my mother/parents.
But seriously sexual abuse is not that big problem for me. The emotional abuse is WAY more cruel.
Yeah, from childhood to adulthood, I'll never forgive my dad or even trust him even if he kneels crying..I've been left in hospitals alone due to multiple diseases, then he said his panic attacks are because of my illnesses that I was born with ...😢
I recognize a few of those signs in myself, but my scars (mostly healed) are more from verbal bullying by classmates. My parents were, and still are, great. Of course they’re human so weren’t perfect, but they have always done their best.
I am 33 and I was emotionally abused by my dad, kids my age, and people who were older than me that I trusted when I was a child. It's taken yrs to confront this and understand and unravel the abuse I dealt with but I now see myself as a victim of abuse.
My stepmom would do things that people would think was abuse, but I wonder if it was just tough love/discipline. For example, I’m totally blind and autistic. She’d shame me or laugh at me for running into things, and tell me that I can help that. I just need to pay more attention to my surroundings. She’d also shame me for constantly exploring my surroundings, and I’d sometimes even be restrained from doing that. If I tried to get away, the grip would be tightened. I’d also be punished for stimming because of being blind and autistic, and for having meltdowns. I was punished, shamed, and mocked for these things. But I wonder if all of this was just tough love, and she was just trying to be a good parent. But I’d tell her that my biological mom would never do these things. Now, I limit myself from doing things that may actually benefit my blindness and autism, but mainly my blindness. I don’t allow myself to be my true self, I also don’t allow myself to be a child at heart, because I’m adult and I was told that I needed to act my age and not do the fun things that kids always do.
That's not tough love. That is rather severe abuse.
What a lot of people call “tough love” is in fact abuse. if she was trying to be a good parent she wouldn’t have shamed you for trying to map out your surroundings, for a start. Look at how it’s affected you as an adult.
Your bio mum sounds like she would have been the better parent, here. And I’m sorry you had to endure that.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel I was even restrained from exploring my surroundings. My real mom would not have done that. I mean, there are certain things she won’t really allow me to touch, Like food at a buffet. I’ve never really tried it, but sometimes I want to take the spoon and tap the food just to see what it is. Because not only do I have no site, but I have no sense of smell. When I was living with my dad and stepmom, if I tried to explore my surroundings at a store, I would get restrained. If I tried to get away from their grip of restraining me, they would tighten the grip.
Your step mom is way out of line and wrong ! Who in their right mind laughs at someone blind for running into
things , then when you do makes fun of you for feeling for your surroundings ? That's not tough love . Shame on your stepmom and dad . :(
@@robingibson5445 so it wasn’t even Toughlove when they were strained me from exploring my surroundings? And it wasn’t Toughlove when they told me that I could control it if I ran into things, and that I could help it, and that I just needed to pay attention to where I was going, and to pay attention to my surroundings?
Thanks!
Your videos always come in the perfect time. I just started researching this minutes ago. And I have a quick question, I was emotionally abused and emotionally neglected as a child. A year ago I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety. I feel like I don’t have the right to say this as someone who is not an expert, but the social anxiety part is something I never could resonate with, at least not fully. I’m not really scared of particularly socializing, embarrassment or humiliation. I’m totally fine with socializing as long as I don’t have to be nice or focus on making friends. I’m afraid of vulnerability more than I’m afraid of messing up. I’m mostly anxious when I’m trying to fight my “natural” response which is shutting down, being mean and sabotaging relationships or what I like to call “almost-relationships”. I looked into c-ptsd and found myself relating a lot more to the symptoms. I told my therapist about this, but I didn’t express myself well enough. And she told me that my emotional abuse wasn’t that severe or that my struggles aren’t directly related to it.
I’m not saying that I don’t have social anxiety at all, but I really think it’s not my main issue.
Do you think I might have a point or am I just being delulu about this😅
Hi there, I’m not a mental health professional but a fellow consumer of therapy. I have been to a few different providers and have talked to several friends who have also been in therapy. I’ve learned it is important to trust yourself; misdiagnosis happens and you know more about yourself and your life than your provider does. If you feel that c-ptsd resonates with you, don’t ignore it. Talk to your therapist about it more. And if your provider ever makes you feel shot down or like they’re not truly listening, find a new one who makes you feel heard. Therapists are professionals, but like any professional they are not correct 100% of the time. Hope this helps.
Fire that therapist and get a new one!
How does your therapist know the emotional abuse wasn’t that severe for you? She wasn’t there, and she’s not inside your head. I don’t know you, but I do suspect your struggles *are* related to C-PTSD and what happened to you in the past.
I changed my therapist and got diagnosed with c-ptsd! Thank you internet strangers🫶🏻
@@emilymccole7835.
Have you been reading my chart? Seriously, every one of those 7 things. #2 was kind of a “fun” one for me. My dad spent so much time angry, red faced, yelling in my face berating me for as long as I can remember. When I joined the army almost 30 years ago, the drill sergeants just couldn’t break me. They could make me run till I puked or do pushups until I collapsed, but my ears were too calloused to react to their abuse. So there’s a silver lining.
Thank you .
That is such a neat shirt, where did you get it?
Kati, can you explain “double booking”?
I’ve been watching your videos for 5-7 years by now and can’t remember if you went over that term specifically
Yes of course! It's when you say yes to 2 things happening at the same time. So you have booked yourself twice for the same slot if that makes sense.... xoox
Childhood shaming could be a whole nother video as shame is a core wound for an alcholic
Yes, I grew up in a shame based, abusive and disfunction family. At 65 I'm scared for life and I know it.
Thank you...
I will forever clap for others until it's my turn 🎉🎉
I scored 7 out of 7 on this list. Yay?
I totally rec you read Running on Empty by Dr. Jonise Webb. It's a terrific and validating book.
can't wait to read it! Thank you for the rec@@reeferseasalt
im dealing with all of this right now. i had a nervous breakdown after running away and now im back staying with my estranged family. They dont know i got a name change yet.
Gods, I know I was emotionally abused/neglected, I'm in counseling for it among other things and this still hurt so much to hear 27 years later. The normalization? It wasn't just my parents or family, it was society who kept telling me LGBT+ people deserved everything that happened to us and it was normal to be told you were a pervert, deviant, sinful, evil, monster, or that your parents would want you dead rather than be LGBT+... In the last 2 years society has gotten worse again, and my heart is in pieces knowing many more kids are going through what I went through growing up and thinking it's normal because everyone says trans kids don't exist, don't deserve the medical care they need, that they deserve to hurt, be hurt, and tortured by society, that they deserve to die. It needs to stop. 😭