6 signs YOU are silent screaming...
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
- Are you silent screaming in life? What exactly is a silent scream? Essentially silent screaming happens when we are in so much physical and emotional pain that we don't know exactly how to communicate it. But this type of non communication can cause us more turmoil, confusion and frustration in life. We may often feel like no one is listening or can hear us. Or we may ask how do we communicate better or communicate at all. The truth is silent screaming is not a form of effective communication, so if you're looking for ways to speak up for yourself at work or in meetings or in your relationships, this will be helpful for you. As we know communication is vital in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships in life.
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Nobody cares. That's why I'm silent. No point in saying anything because everyone is so caught up in their own life.
💯
The right people care and they will seek your help when they are struggeling. It is amazing how much you can connect to others if both sides are willing. But yes ... a lot of people don't care.
@@blauespony1013 , my own mother didn't even care. She inflicted pain from both sides of the body, mental and physical until I watched her pass away, 16 years ago. Now I'm 36 and really hardened my heart because I can't trust m***********s.
I think that too. But then I think do I want to be around others that don't care?
I tend to feel that way a lot also. I will run away to isolate a lot (Bcuz Bah! Why bother? Nobody cares anyways) and then at some point find the pent up dam breaking on some random person all at one time every once in awhile….for better or worse. Lol. Meh.
I am absolutely guilty of over sharing…. And then I’m absolutely mortified when I realize that no one actually cares or wants to hear my rambling over shares.
You might be surprised at what certain others like to hear. A lot of people do this and it actually makes it easier to relate to them. Just depends on the personality types you are talking to or people. Why do you think podccasts, talk shows, Tedx, self help books, and, even, music etc. and other media are so popular? They not only give tips but share peoples experiences
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m the same way on over sharing…. I just came to this realization this week and I’m having a hard time, cause I appreciate people that share, but not everyone likes that.
Same. Over share then beat myself up and feel shame for over sharing
Same, same, same 🤦♀️
Please don’t let this content make you feel condemned…sharing our hearts and being vulnerable with one another is one of the bravest and most courageous things we can do 🥰
That is so me right now, I try to write down my pain on a journal, but the pain is like a tangled mess of emotions to where it won’t translate into words easily. It’s so hard to explain it to others, thinking that my struggles are too unique or too much for others to comprehend. It’s really tough when you feel like you’re carrying this weight alone.
This is exactly how I feel. Whenever I go to a therapist/doctor for help - which takes so much courage and energy alone - once I'm there, I cannot explain it. It's so complicated, it's this mighty storm of emotions, thoughts, feelings more thoughts. It's complicated stuff that happened in the past, mingled with outrageous stuff that is happening today, with crumbs from the future that hasn't happened yet. I know everyone talks about being 'unique' but I see it as something negative. I want to have somewhat 'normal' issues, things words can describe. I wish you lots of strength and thanks for sharing your experience. ❤
I also have a lot of trouble explaining how I feel and with putting my thoughts into words in general.
🌿🌺 Everyone is me now 💖🌌💫
Can identify so well. When I find the words won't come easily in my journal, of how I feel, I Draw a "mind map". And it's amazing how once you start it, the branches just grow and grow and so much comes out.
PS use a double page and start in the centre with "right now I feel...." Some days, I also use colored pens.... try it. Good to look at after too.
We are all in there w u. Keep writing. It does unfold into very poignant info. U will see the clarity. It works. Do e it myself. Have several pads, and I look back on them and see how far I’ve come, I’m amazed and proud of myself that I was able to put these words on paper. It tells a true story. 😎
So I became disabled at age 6. That was back in 93. I sincerely don't ever remember family helping me without making me feel like an inconvenience. I'm currently at the point where just the thought of directly asking for help makes me feel worthless.
I hear you…there are people for which this content wouldn’t be very helpful and I think you may be one of them. Sometimes we need to know that we’re at the point where we have to share (or over share as Katie puts it) just to get the help we need. You are not worthless…you are struggling and not having those needs met as a child means they still need fulfilling…the need to feel treasured, wanted and not a burden
Hugs, dear.
Please find someone to talk to. You are perfect as you are. Sending love your way.
We all need some help, even the "not disabled" ones. Help others and being helped as well is the base of every human conection, the fact that what I have conforts you and what you have enriches me.
I can do many things by my own, I am very handy, one day I realized that I would have enyoyed more sharing those moments with someone, instead I chose to do it alone, to not bother others, aislating myself.
Don't you ever think in the possibility that someone could be honored by just the chance of spending that time with you?
You’re not worthless. U are a champion as u have courage to ask. If u don’t have the courage, your gonna ask anyway, because u know for your well being, u must. Go ahead, b brave… and just do it. U will be proud of yourself for taking positive action. Love yourself first!
I’ve flat out told people I need help and they don’t care.
😔
The key is to tell those things to people who you already know are capable of feeling empathy for others.
...and it really sucks that the people you trusted truly didn't care.
Im currently going through a very difficult time, i literally have no friends, im beyond isolated. I found myself seeking attention at work, wanting my colleagues to check up on me, thinking of scenarios (going as far as purposely not eating so ill faint) just so i could be feeled bad about. I was mortified for my actions watching ur video, and it made me realise that i need to do something about this. Thank you for this
Good luck on your new journey of change. I hope you'll pull through.
Get a dog!!!! I’ve gotten 2 in the past 2 years and it doesn’t fix things, but since I treat them like my actual kids. I feel like I’m getting a chance to re do what my parents didn’t. And I’m also kind of reworking myself in the process of raising them if that makes sense.
Getting a dog I took seriously for the first time has changed my life, and made me want to live again!
Oh man, I know this feeling a little too close to my heart, especially if you want to bond with your co-workers. It is so hard to mantain a proffessonial relationship with your co-workers or boss because you are spending 10-12 hours a day with them and of course you share everything with them.... but that's when it goes wrong. Co-workers shouldn't be your best friends, because it will mess up your relationship with the work and workplace. I know it's hard, you want a friend, you just want somebody with whom you can talk about good old days, nostalgia, childhood, your dreams...this is the point when oversharing comes a no-no big red flag! Yes ofcourse I also have been oversharing a little too much about my life history, but you have to know if you take things a way too personal. Don't ever talk about your big goals or dreams, don't tell them your secrets.... and don't tell everythinf about yourself in one day, let them be curious about you, let them do their detective job... if they want to find anything about you, then they will ask or search.... 😃
Another form of silence screaming is humming your thoughts out loud because you have no voice and you're not allowed to express your negative feelings in any way
These points are good, and I did not know about the concept of "silent screaming." Just to add that sometimes people may isolate because they want to signal they are struggling, but also sometimes socializing while struggling can be exhausting, or like you have to put on a fake "happy face," which also kind of plays into the earlier points about people not knowing how to share that they are angry or upset.
Agree. Nobody cares so I don’t bother. Emotions are not safe in society. When I tried to tell people when I was depressed or having thoughts of suicide. They didn’t know how to react and sort of brushed it off as being overly dramatic. My Mother can’t handle emotions and neither can society.
i am so sorry you’re going through this. a trained counselor can listen without judgement. please find one if you are able.
hey, it's okay💗
please walk, breathe fresh air, eat and drink enough, take shower (if you have energy for it)
I just wish you happiness and joy in life. It's gonna be fine, don't bottle up your emotions (at least let yourself feel anger, sadness, give yourself time to cry or scream)
sending love💗
No one ever fought in front of you growing up?! This is a foreign concept to me. I had just the opposite. Everything spoken was yelled. I grew up almost immune to anything my family screamed but if anyone outside the family criticized or yelled at me in the slightest I would crumble and sob uncontrollably. I couldn't even talk to explain my side. I would shut down. It took a long time but I finally am able to stand up for myself without getting upset. My job really helped me learn to deal over the years. I had to stand up for myself against certain toxic people at work and instead of getting sad, I had to learn to express myself and stand up to the bully. It's such a freeing feeling.
Raising voice for your self respect and dignity is essential instead of being silent when you are dealing with toxic people.
Same! Had to learn at work place environment 😅
My arms are around you. My parents never disagreed in front of me, but the Silent Treatment was almost chronic. It had the same results in me that you describe. I grasp your hand.
My parents didn’t fight in front of me and my sisters, but my mom yelled and screamed a lot at me. I never let her see me cry. I just stood there, stone faced, and when she was done I went down to my room and cried quietly there. My mom could be mad, but I wasn’t allowed, and I got in trouble for stomping down the stairs and slamming my bedroom door. I feel like now I am on high alert all the time, and my anxiety goes sky high if I sense that someone is upset with me. I also cry very easily in situations of conflict.
@@faisalshabbir408 Thanks so much brother. The other day something happened and I had to yell on the street. So uncomfortable, it's not even the correct word... I was wondering if He would punish me for raising my voice on the street, or if this was the kind of situation to fight for my safety by raising my voice. A man was harassing me on the street. Time stood still as I wondered: "What do I have to learn this time?"...
I think my ways of silent screaming are self aggression and bottling up my emotions and ignoring them, hoping they will magically go away. I was shamed for expressing myself. But if I didn’t truly express myself, I was still shamed.
Eloquently and concisely worded. I wouldn't have been able to articulate what I do in such clear terms, but yes to all of this. I'm going through that self-aggression these days. I'm incredibly accommodating and meek with other people, but borderline abusive towards myself, and when I notice I'm being mean, all I have the experience and energy to do is numb. Thank you for putting into words how you cope. You are definitely not alone. Wishing you peace❤
@@chai_lattes I know you and I can get through it! I have faith in the both of us. As an individual who is totally blind, on the autism spectrum, and has complex PTSD, I’ve been through a lot. I won’t go into detail. But I went through miss treatment from a caregiver. She basically chose to forget that I was blind and autistic. Mainly blind, though.
There are certain difficult situations when a person is not sure to say something thing or keep silence as it may hurt or provoke someone when you express your opinion or feelings.
@@siennaprice1351Thank you for your kind words, friend. Sending them right back at you. I've been in a passive aggressive, self-punishing funk, and I want to break the chain. I'm going to try to shower, move my body, and drink more water today. What about you? I hope there's something nice you're able to do for yourself. We deserve kindness and care, especially on those days we feel the least deserving. We are worthy, always❤
You're welcome to use me as your accountability buddy today. Already this small thread of communication and connection has given me something to smile about, something to motivate me to show up for myself today. I hope it does for you, too. Response or no response. Good luck today❤
@@faisalshabbir408 and this is why I shame myself for expressing myself.
This video hurts me in my heart. My childhood was emotionally abusive. I remember being yelled at for crying. I had "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" parents. I have never in my life heard my dad apologize to my mom for anything. No de-escalation, ever. His temper was horrid. Now, she protects him from having a clue how this hurt me, because she thinks that he's too fragile to handle it, and, in her mind, my suffering is acceptable, but his is not. My family are kings and queens of gaslighting, saying so many of the phrases contained in the literal definition of it. I'm just... sad. I've given up. After being attacked harshly by my mom and brother last time I said anything, I just can't speak my mind anymore. I'll just suffer for the rest of my life in order to keep my dad happy. It's what I'm expected to do....
Same here. I wasn’t really allowed to cry even at the doctors or dentist office. My mother was 100% abusive (physically and emotionally) totally uninterested in and sometimes jealous of her 3 daughters.
"Keep calm and carry on." "You need to control your emotions" Knowing my parents are upset or mad at eachother, but they disappear into their bedroom for an hour then come out being happy and great again. How did that happen? Idk. My parents are still together after 40 years, though I was shown that emotions are to be hidden and controlled, not expressed.
Looks like they express their emotions all right
I asked chat gpt to summarise this video as the title caught my attention and here are the questions and responses:
Please can you summarise this video and give me the key component’s of this video in bullet point and also explain what her explanation is of quiet screaming and if she mentions that she has had any trauma responses that causes quiet screaming.
Here is a summary of the key points from the video in bullet points:
- Silent screaming is when a person is experiencing physical or emotional pain or distress but does not know how to directly communicate it. Instead, they find indirect ways to express their upset in hopes that someone will notice and respond.
- Reasons for silent screaming include not feeling safe to express feelings growing up, not being shown how to communicate feelings, feeling responsible for others' emotions.
- The 6 signs of silent screaming are:
1. Passive aggression
2. Attention seeking behaviors
3. Isolating oneself
4. Manipulation
5. Oversharing personal information
6. Picking fights
- The presenter explains that silent screaming is a way to seek connection when a person was not able to directly ask for needs to be met. It comes from not feeling safe or not knowing how to express oneself.
- The presenter acknowledges having experienced trauma responses herself that led to behaviors like not knowing how to deal with anger. She mentions growing up in a home where people didn't argue or express difficult emotions openly.
To explain the key concept, the presenter describes silent screaming as expressing upset or distress through indirect behaviors rather than directly communicating feelings, due to a lack of safety, modeling or ability to identify emotions from childhood experiences. She notes her own trauma history contributed to not knowing how to handle some emotions.
Does she mention anything about how people respond to trauma through living through war, bullying, domestic violence, being held hostage by gun men and being held hostage by colleagues with a knife.
No, the presenter does not specifically mention trauma responses related to living through war, bullying, domestic violence, being held hostage by gunmen or being held hostage by colleagues with a knife.
Her explanations of trauma responses and how they can lead to silent screaming behaviors are more general. She discusses growing up in a home where it was not safe to express feelings openly or where emotions were not modeled well for a child to learn from. But she does not provide any details about experiencing or responding to trauma from events like war, hostage situations, bullying or domestic violence. The video focuses more on silently screaming as a general trauma response, without calling out responses to any particular trauma types.
Thank you for summarising it
I just want to know why I am so triggered by passive aggression? If someone is being passive aggressive I just lose my cool and start to scream at the person.
Prob bc u want them to be honest if they like or dont like u
Its might be because you feel like they are belittling you partly why I use it on certain people and how I take it
Usually I am good at witty comebacks or take the low road and literally passive aggressive them by pushing them into a wall and be like what all I did was the same thing as you I passively aggressively pushed you into a wall (I might have done that as a joke to my mom once because shes always passive aggressive and decided to funny to be mad at and I didnt push hard just an annoyed at her push)
I'm the same way, I hate it. I feel judged and I hate when people belittle me in any way, I'm not an idiot. If you don't like something, just say it or don't say anything at all. I'm angry just writing this lol (a new emotion I feel a lot now, I was never allowed to get angry at my caregivers, but now I am allowing it)
It maybe more possoble that maybe earlier experiences with someone you trusted or was meant to be there for you may have used Passive Agressive patterns that has caused a hidden wound that now is surfacing.. theres really helpful resources on Boundaries & Kati has an online workshop thats really good! 😎
you have deep rooted hatred for your own self
I have a real problem with isolation, I don't want to feel selfish by sharing my problems but then doing that just makes me feel even more selfish for wanting people to ask me if I'm okay so I isolate more and end up just going back to pretending I'm okay when I actually just needed a break and some time to myself to relax
Who do I talk to ? There’s no one. And I don’t have the money to see a therapist.
Reconnection with Yourself in different ways, Journaling, Also being open with your GP /Primary Care Doctor about Health & How your feeling may help to make thwm aware & they may have Options of support eg. Medication, Overall health check, Free or accessible resources in your Community. Also check out Hope4Recovery as a free resource with groups, themed workshops & 1-1 options. ;)
Same
Start with a journal ❤
Write and write. process everything, do it for yourself, understand what is happening, and how to let go of survival based fears. You'll notice the thoughts and energy goes somewhere. You can look back any time. It's also a place to be creative and loving. Venting in a healthy place and creating healthy relationships. You can do it.
Talk to God , He always listens .
Recovering people pleaser due to past trauma and isolation due to being told growing up “don’t let that bother you/get to you”,etc. been going to therapy since September last year. ❤ this video. Haven’t heard it called silent screaming, but makes sense.
I get it now, to understand if you overshare, consider if the other person reciprocates at a similar level, if not, just stick to small talk or no talk. This is great to understand!!
3. Isolating Ourselves. I can see your point for persistent behavior. In contrast, I have experience with suicidal family and friends. They tend to self-isolate, out of character. I got one chance to intervene, each. For an abrupt, odd alteration of mood and behavior, I ask for us to consider erring on the side of caution. Our act might be a life-line.
Well said…it takes an intuitive person to hear the silent screaming and respond sensitively with compassion. Constantly analysing whether someone is trying to manipulate you may just end in their demise and I would prefer to check in on someone rather than condition them to behave differently.
Whatever someone is going through they /we are always the driver of our own defenses, behaviors & how we engage or not with getting support, using coping resources. When or if someone is really struggling where they feel or may be at higher risk then there are emergency protocols & out of hours (which may not always be the best but at least they are there especially for higher risk issues) just know it is never any friend, family members responsibility nor is it anyones fault if a situation escalates. regardless of whether or not we have checked on someone or if someone has or has not checked on us. @@ferncurtis2437
I think that there can be other reasons for some of these actions. It’s not always passive-aggressive attempts at manipulation if someone isolates themselves, for instance. It might be low self-esteem, or a genuine wish not to disturb others when we are not in a good state of mind. Sometimes it can also be that we don’t believe that anyone will understand us-where we’re coming from and why we feel the way we do, and that any attempt to explain will fail.
When you’re not wired like most of the population, misunderstanding and misinterpretations seem to be inevitable. Case in point: interpreting these actions only as a misguided and maladaptive attempt to get attention.
I find I do a lot of these because I wasn’t able to express my emotions growing up. Being silent is key. Being silent means everyone else is happy and you’re not a burden. If you’re not happy, go and hide away until you are or at least fake it.
I’m currently working on this in therapy, feel my emotions, express them and then what to do with them after that. I still can’t show or express my emotions to the people around me and I can’t show them to my therapist.
I’ve always gotten somewhere with silently screaming, as unhealthy as it is. Now to unlearn that and do it in a healthy way.
I am in the same situation. Thanks for sharing.
@@Touay. of course 😊
you’re not alone. I too have found I can’t express genuine emotion especially at work that isn’t happy. I’m also in therapy to learn how to voice my needs, and my emotions and desires first, without caring about disappointing others. It’s hard.
@@linasaidwhat it is indeed hard to 'put yourself first' ... i hope therapy works well for you!
Thank you, Kati. I have been saying to myself for decades, "I'm screaming as loud as I can." Someone, please, think I am worthy enough to hear me, and then love and support me.
Other than picking fights, I can honestly say, to one degree or another, I am guilty of all of these behaviors, regretfully. Thank you so very much for pointing these issues out.
Surprised you'd take it as begging someone to come out if they need to be asked more than once. I know a lot of autistic or traumatised folks who need to be asked more than once coz they know most people lie to be polite, and they can't trust they're actually wanted. The difference between "come along if you want" and "it would be good if you can come" It's not manipulative or weird, some people just need reassurance they;re really wanted there rather than just being invited out of begrudging politeness.
I agree!
I don't push anything onto people so if they refuse out of politeness that's their lookout. I respect consent o never offer twice. If I invite people to eat in my home and it's a buffet, I won't be cajoling them into eating anything and plate their food up for them. I would just say "Help yourself". Even if it was a sit down meal I still wouldn't be doing that.
I wondered why most of my guests wouldn't eat when I invited them over to eat and ruminated over this. A friend who came suggested they were probably fussy with food and were watching their weight. If that was the case why come then.
Now I know why. They expected a sit down meal and be cajoled individually into eating every sandwich and slice of cake like they were children, but I didn't have enough chairs for that.
I am not their mother so I wouldn't be pushing them to eat nor am I their therapist so wouldn't be trying to uncover why they needed cajoling to eat.
If someone invited me to come along to an event if I wanted I would go along if it was something I would enjoy, and could afford the time, energy and money to. Then if I turned up to find that I wasn't really welcome then the onus would be on them not me. I would have serious words with them and tell them they shouldn't have invited me if they didn't want me there.
If the other scenario was used instead I would feel a little more inclined to go but wouldn't if it was something I would hate, had something else on that evening or couldn't afford to go.
Yes - there’s a BIG difference between “Come if you want..whatever” and “You’re invited because you’re part of the group/team”.
@sophiacromwell8017 I would still come even if it was a casual invite, and I really wanted to. I am not a small child who needs cajoling into going places or attending events.
I see a notice on a notice board of an interesting event, and I will turn up if it isn't too far away, it's not going to be raining heavily and I am not doing anything else that day or evening. I don't need someone knocking on my door or calling me on the phone to personally invite me to these events. When you are an adult, you need to self motivate.
That friend who received a casual invite and needed cajoling to turn up is not someone I would want as a friend or part of the group. I won't be twisting anyone's arm, nor do I like having my arm twisted.
The only emotion we were allowed when growing up was “happy”. I have a fear of journaling because I’m sure someone is going to get ahold of it and read it. I remember in the 4th or fifth grade wishing I would break a limb so I would get some attention. I lived with my daughter for many years because of my severe depression, but I’ve noticed that since living on my own, I keep the CZcams or Pluto tv coming so I can’t identify my emotions. 😮
Me too until I left home. I couldn't even do any creative writing at home. No poetry or stories. That is why you can buy hardbacked lockable diaries and notebooks.
Or rip up your journalling in to little pieces after your session?
When I have ever met a friend who I get on with - I start to be honest about my emotional pains. Then, they run away.
I was doing a lot of “internal screaming” yesterday at work. The cult that has been forcing my friends and family to shun me for years, told them this week to invite me to their yearly blood ritual. Before this week they weren’t even allowed to say hi. When I told them that it hurt that they only contacted me because they were told to or that they weren’t reaching out to be a friend or even to treat me like a human, I was “attacking them”. Like guys, you hurt me. I’m allowed to say what your leadership told you to do is hurtful.
What is this yearly blood ritual? It sounds horrific.
I wasn't allowed to have silent screaming either. I still can't.
I start off by bottling it up because I'm told to keep going or I'm doing great or blah blah blah without acknowledgement of how it's making me feel. Then, I get to a breaking point and start acting out. Finally, when I don't get the response or help I need, I go in one of two ways. Either I become passive aggressive or I become an attention seeker and people pleaser to get someone to notice my pain. Finally, I isolate because my pain doesn't matter. Basically, a lot of what was spoken here. I was abandoned and neglected growing up because dad was busy and the rest of my family were women constantly having girls-only fun like spa visits. It ruined my childhood and deeply hurt my adulthood.
I tagged this video because pretty much all of that is me, and I need to address this in counseling - plus just read it over and over and journal about how I use all of these to try to get attention, feel heard. In my family, the interactions were totally unhealthy. If people were angry, they went to separate rooms and slammed doors then came out an hour later and the anger was gone - I was very much the lost child. I needed to express my feelings and get support but no one was there. I am 63 and still feel this every day. My family of origin are all gone now…but now it is an issue with my husband…thanks for the video. Lots to think about and work through.❤
What does it mean to tag a video?
I just meant I saved it so I could easily find it again.
All I heard in this episode was “Talk to your therapist” over and over again, but what do you do if you don’t get the help you need or even “qualify” for therapy according to your country’s health system?
I’ve been trying to get therapy for 2 years now, only to find myself being bounced around between places and not getting any kind of therapy at all!
Because the advice here comes from a place of privilege.
@@teachmotivaterepeat9712Thats not a very Motivating approach :/ personally I think these types of videos can provide new insights & clear examples of how our wellbeing affects our relationships & how they also impact on our wellbeing. 😎
Plus it’s ARTIFICIAL. I’ve been trying to get someone to actually CARE about my plight and they don’t.
@@mem1701movies Having Free Online Access & Resources across many topics & Life stuff is to Provide Insights, encouragement & Validation of whatever issue people connect with on Mental Health & Wellbeing stuff. As well as Alternative options in youtube and Patreon to have more conmection & Engagement... Its extremely tough when we keep reaching out more from our local community & we face barriers, delays or other issue.. However there are Two Essential factors 1. As long as You Care for yoursslf even if you have to lessen our load & expectations for shiort time. Just focus on Basic Needs, Be Kind(er) to yourself, Remember to have Fun..even like find a playpark & Enjoy the Swings!! The Second essential thing is "Don't give up asking for help! And keep regular check ins with your GP /Primary DR so there is trackable & recrded evidenncs. Keep going!! ,)
The best therapists are making these videos and writing these books. Most therapists haven't yet caught up with these ideas and know nothing about C-PTSD and attachment theory. I ended up having to teach them instead but they still didn't want to know. One if them cut me off on the phone because I was trying to tell her about other more basic needs besides therapy like on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs but she took that as an insult. If your environment and/or accommodation is poor that needs to be addressed first.
I don't need phone therapy (we aren't in lockdown any more and I am not agoraphobic) and I don't want to be in a support group because I dont want to be listening to the problems of other people or have unqualified people listening to my problems.
Therapy needs to be the traditional one on one and face to face in a room on neutral territory. Preferably not in a room with walls covered in notices which are distracting and not in a front facing room in a building on a busy main road. You may need this one on one therapy as well even if you are in marital guidance therapy. If two therapists are present in the room walk straight out again as it feels like being ganged upon.
If you end up on one of these support courses because you got referred to it by your doctor, housing department if in social housing or welfare department if on welfare benefits try to resist. But if you must go speak up if you don't agree with the content, if the content is unrealistic, simplistic, naive, or too prescriptive, if it's based on toxic positivity or too high demands are made of you. If they cancel or postpone a session more than once stop attending. Because if you continue that is sending a message to your subconscious that you are prioritising someone who treats you of being of low priority. I once took a weekly CBT course of four sessions several years ago and sessions were often postponed on a whim so it took over two months to complete. By the time it ended I felt even worse than before I started it.
A really good book is Sexy but Psycho by Jessica Taylor and other books she wrote.
This is exactly how I’ve been feeling for years because I’m in an narcissistic abusive marriage and have been given long silent treatments many times for no reason 😢 keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself all the time is not helping me and causing me more anxiety. I suffer with every anxiety disorder as it is and I overthink things I want to say so end up not saying anything for fear of not being understood or listened to. I’m always invalidated anyway. I feel I’m in turmoil most of the time because of this. Why can’t I just say what’s on my mind without fear 😢
Thank you! Sometimes when we are seemingly attacked by another person we’re ready to yell back instead of really listening to them to find out what is really going on.
Not my dad making my emotions about him, dismissing it, and playing the victim. So I feel like this honestly. My dad used to record me during my meltdowns and panic attacks. It’s still not safe to express myself around him
Never ask anybody for help. You will expose yourself to their cruelty when you have weakened. I, myself, need nobody's attention. Attention is almost always negative. Nobody knows me. No one hears me scream, speak, nor even when I give a soft grunt of doubt. But that is because I deleted the social aspect of my life 8 August 2000 at 18:34. Without humans, I experience very little emotion, often no emotion. Almost all emotion is stimulated by humans. I have this semi-anonymous CZcams rant. What more do I need? I know what humans do to each other. I will not have it repeated upon me again. I have disallowed anybody to know me since around very early 2002. Life became so much more predictable, productive, kind, gentle, quiet, peaceful, calm, lucrative, and affordable, without humans. What more can anybody want? Nobody needs to know me. I need to know nobody as well. Trust me when I write I would be a very poor quality friend.
My therapist said that I chose to shut myself away flight to protect myself. I have tried social groups but at the end of the day I'm a loner and that's my choice instead of listening to people who think I'm a weirdo freak that speaks to know one it's not their business
Autistic people often overshare as well, but I don't think that's because of silent screaming.
Yes, that’s true. I’m autistic.
Maybe you, Im always in pain, every over share is a want to be understood and a small test to know if you even care to do so
There are however many people with Autism who have been subjected to trauma or multiple trauma and for these people they have often been unupported, dismissed, misunderstood, gaslighted & futher traumatised until someone finally steps in and listens or recognises or until a person is taken to crisis point, burn out etc..
@@whereloveblossoms we never found an autistic person that wasn't traumatised
ASD too and oversharing is an issue but I don’t think it’s always silent screaming. Mostly it could be just not understanding social boundaries
I’m struggling with this issue very painfully right right now. It does not seem like there is a solution.
Sign 3 somewhat does resonate with me or atleast a situation that I’ve encountered before. Some years ago I had a friend that revealed to me that she smoked marijuana and I had passed off judgement to her claiming that I was disappointed that she engaged in that activity, which lead her to being silent towards me for the next few weeks when I would ask her if she was ok, but in the end everything worked out ok. I apologized for having been so judgmental towards her which made her open back up to me and now we are still good friends to this very day.😊
I am definitely someone who overshares. I recently posted on Facebook stating that I don’t feel like I have a support system, that everything I’ve been going through has been ignored, that no one ever reaches out to me to see if I’m okay. I felt like I was being pretty direct, saying things like “you know who you are” aka my family, kind of subtweeting them (I know, I’m old lol). And none of my family reached out, but my social work friends did, and that meant a lot. But I still feel neglected by my lack of family support, empathy, and understanding.
After watching this, I think I was silently screaming (but loudly lol if that makes sense).
'I have no mouth, and I must scream.' by Harlan Ellison
Ha ha. Good one. I've been silent screaming for a life time. And when I'm heard. People don't like to hear what I have to say. Cause the TRUTH HURTS.
My gosh you are always ON POINT!
I underestimate my pain when I go to the Drs because when I tell people how much pain I'm actually in nothing gets done about it.
They dont have to live in your body. You know what your body is experiencing, dont let anyone make you second guess yourself when your health is as stake. Keep bugging them. Also, maybe see if there's anything you can start doing differently on your own to generate healing. Maybe try vitamins, exercise, sleep changes, holistic medicine. ♡
Even when I share - with my family- that I am very depressed or sad or desperate, they dont listen. I once told my sister, that I dont wanna live anymore. She was super upset, was like: I wish I had time to come by! And then, after we hung up, did not call back for month…
Wow, I'm sorry 😢I hope you are feeling better
Right. You feeling bad affects their quality of life, and they don't like that happening to them so they withdraw. Been there.
Silence is best answer to every question no one cares either you are in pain or not
Not true at all... loved ones care
@@RosheenQuynh Some people don't have loved ones
@@ems.master Do you not have family? Found family? Friends? A partner?
1 Passive aggressive, 2 attention seeking, 3 isolation, 4 manipulating others, 5 oversharing, 6 pick fights. All to get connection, to be seen or heard,.☝
This video brought up a lot of good points. I find myself struggling with the opposite, not wanting people to worry, or ask me, not expressing as many personal details. I find it very annoying and inconveniencing when other people share overly personal things. I want to learn how to better voice my discomfort and dislikes. I do feel people overly take interest in me because I don’t set certain boundaries or because I’m quiet.
Sometimes I make up something wrong. and then I blame a friend and make everyone think it is someone else just so I can get attention.
I'm alone 98% of my awaken time and I'm screaming on the inside 24/7.. I miss being in love.. with all of my being.
I just wanted to say that I like the video and relate closely, however I personally am not trying to get anyone's attention. I've never had a ploy against someone or sabotage or anything like that.
I first said this expression when I was a teenager. Im 61. I still don't know. Still stuff and creatively think. Atmosphere was always angry, expressed unhealthily, words, body language , silence. Loudness. Including me. I didn't know anyone else used this expression. I was a scapegoat....I have needs? Wants? Still surviving in isolation. I don't expect others to reach out. I do not get joy from seeing or thinking others are squirming. I don't pick fights. I've been hurt , know what or feels like why am I going to do it to others? I don't. There's no one. Am no contact. Didn't replace . Realized Im not attracted to healthy nor it to me. A twelve step sponsor? Not today.
This is not hurting others nor helping me understand.
I'm missing so much.
Thank you for this.
No one bothered to respond. Am I mortified? I already know
Over sharing and people pleasing! I never thought of people pleasing as a form of manipulation, but I totally see it. Holy cow. This video was really helpful. Thanks again, Katie! I hope you know how helpful and supportive you are for your audience ❤
This video really resonates with me. ❤ thank you for your videos
Silence is a hidden and powerful weapon.
Nice and awesome video.
I had one "stuff it down" parent and one genuinely out of control, overly angry parent. This issue is extra complicated for me because I was taught that the avoidant parent was healthier than the angry and critical one - and the truth is, neither of them really had it figured out. They were emotionally unpredictable and blamed my inability to please them on my autism - but ALL children need emotional validation and attention. Their lack of responsiveness might have even contributed to worsening symptoms. And they make a big show out of how "normal" they allegedly are, when so many of their behaviors are not neurotypical-passing at all. Growing up this way was so difficult and confusing, and frankly, as an adult I often feel insulted by it.
This was great content.
As an invisible child/scapegoat I'm guilty of these things for too many decades. I pray Trauma Informed knowledge spreads throughout disciplines for individual or societal change! 🙏
I see-saw between oversharing and silence with self isolation.
Often in work settings I end the shift exhausted from trying to keep myself "in-check" and controlled.
Grew up to not fully feel or express emotion bc Mum had to be protected from any extra stress, all the while my step-dad had storming tantrums (loud, and literally storming about in a rage, luckily nothing physical towards people). So yeah, walking on eggshells and never having friends over was my norm.
I'd love to find peace and confidence again, but how do I rewrite all this embedded early learning???
Great video! Thanks Kati!
Great Stuff, as always.
This is very good talk.
Years ago when Craigslist had the personal ads when I feel a little bit lonely I'd post an ad just to get people to talk to me for a few days
Thanks for the video. This subject has been weighing on my mind lately.
This is so helpful. Thank you 🙏🏻❤️✨
Glad it was helpful!
Katie - I get so much from your videos, but this VIDEO is one of my FAVs!!!
I have been screaming at my doctors for 15 years to diagnose me. No one cares. I realised I have adhd and it’s ruined my life
Screaming at your doctors? Yikes
@oophelia46 there is only so many times you can visit the doctor be prescribed the wrong medication or medication that dose nothing. Be fobbed of and then be told you can’t have the medication that will actually help you because you haven’t had your official diagnosis yet.
And there’s a two year waiting list
@@richardlongmore9301 You're trusting in drugs. I know people who spent their whole lives looking for "the right pill" Remember medicine is a "practice". Doctors bury mistakes. I've had to take control of my own health. Already permanently lost vision in my one eye early on due to medical negligence, doctors didn't believe my condition. But doctors aren't gods, don't yell at them
Maybe another way of silent screaming can be through hobbies? Especially artistic ones, such as what they are painting. And self sabotaging too like setting yourself up for failure like for a race at a track meet.
What do we do if we do try, or even manage, to share how we feel but instead of getting the help we need we are met with, 'That's nothing compared to what I have to go through.'? What then?
My whole life I've been talked over, ignored and dismissed, so I don't even bother to speak up. Then get asked why I never tell anyone anything.
Ditto!!! I'm not wasting my breath anymore.
That makes sense. My husband died at age 34 two years ago and ever since I've been such a mess. I'm addicted to fentanyl and tranq and my life is such a sh**hole. You'd never know it, I'm not homeless or dirty. Most people assume that I'm a school teacher or a librarian. What I actually am, is a fraud.
I most definitely was screaming silently as a chid. Speang out when younger would only get me being shamed and belittled. So I guess I tried out several "silent" methods, but none if it seemd to work.
I developped anorexia at age 15, partly also to be "less expensive", but partly genuinely with the goal to lose more and more weight in mind, going as far as I had to go until my mother would finally react aka hear my scream and take it seriously.
Sadly, she did not (yet). It was my teacher who reacted, sending my to the psych service of the shool. Mother first was angry at me, it was a harsh time, but I finally got in toch with mental health care.
Sorry for digressing.
Emotions, especially negative ones, were not allowed and not safe to have. I lost touch with them quite early and still struggle a lot with knowing, naming, feeling them. I'm very unsure about them.
Today, I might be guilty of oversharing. Not sure (but, what did I just do posting all of this... isn't it exactly the bullseye?).
And isolating myself. For several reasons at that.
Thanks for your take on this.
Thank you, struggling still at times with advocating for myself. A work in progress.
Thankyou for this insight Katie I continue to learn about maladaptive behaviour.
Kati has such a cool wardrobe 🥰
Good advice
Loved this video
I have the anger problem when i feel hurt in anyway or when someone talks about my past....
Ive done a lot of this.
Therapy, meds, having the ability to do inpatient care/residential care/therapy programs, having a strong support network and using positive coping skills have made me a less overdramatic person.
Im still working on it, though. Still, I'm loving this journey. Good luck to all of you going through this. It's not easy and itll have setbacks.
However, the time you put on improving yourself will be worth it. I love you all. Youre not alone.
One problem I've seen a lot is that people confuse identifying what one is feeling with naming them. Identifying means that you're able to recognize and separate one feeling from another. Naming them is a different thing. Alexithymia is an erroneusly used word, because it means "no word for feeling", not "don't know what feeling". If a person doesn't say what they're feeling, doesn't mean they don't know what they're feeling, they might just not know what to call the feeling. And on the subject of names for feelings - nobody can tell another what a feeling should be called, because of the simple reason that nobody can point at a feeling that a person is experiencing and compare it with a feeling they themselves are experiencing - we don't share experiences, events, but not experiences. Experiences are subjective, and will remain that way. The best thing we can hope to accomplish is not understanding, but to communicate our needs so that we can get help in getting our needs satisfied.
Oh I LOVE your blouse!!!
Thank you, as always. 🌺💗💗
I appreciate your content. And for some reason feel judged as I am working through some of my most vulnerable states. I think if you share a little more about your own struggles it might be a kinder approach. I feel more connected with you when I listen to some of your other videos where you show more emotion. Thank you for your work!
Needed this
Yes. I have come to the realization that no one does care.
Thank you Katie.
8:27 oh, no. Not in my case. If they came to check on me, I wouldn't want to answer the door.
I don't go because I used up my lifetime of courage and resilience. I don't have anything left that is brave enough to show up, and not fit in, and display my brokenness, and leave early.
I've been silent screaming for 3 years, I am married to a man with ADD and have an Autistic son. Alot of the daily life tasks fall on me. Plus I work 40hrs in retail. I am experiencing a burnout and still getting ignored because im everyone else's support. I am guilty of silent screaming, I was abused as a child so im messed up but trying to keep it together
I love your shirt!!!!
I over share but I'm also happy to listen. I'm new in a big city and know very few people...
I'm only close with one person now (my best friend since elementary school) and recently we've started kind of hinting at topics we thought would be oversharing only for the other person to start gushing about it. It goes from suppressed childhood trauma to our first cartoon crushes. It's been liberating, especially since I have big issues with embarrassment and hearing someone validate one of my weirder takes feels like a ton has been lifted off of my chest. He's close with his sister, so at least he has someone else to confide in, but I'm an only child so he's pretty much the only one I can talk to
IKR. I think it was the day I finally realized that I wasn’t even listening to myself or brushing my own needs off or just being self confused.
Attention seeking for me prob looks more like being the class clown. Make people laugh. Or try to be brilliant or smart or such. Or “contribute” in some way.
Isolation. For me this wasn’t for attention tho. It was more like feeling like I won’t get it anyways so just don’t try. Quit. Give up. Or I’ll get hurt or bad or wrong kinds of attention or cloying excessive attention. Not wanting to be a burden…yes. I often felt more like I was just some annoying pest. Or that people only like my perks and not the real me. (Users). I tend to just be pessimistic or cynical about it. “They don’t really care anyways” so I’ll just run away.
Oversharing. Over-explaining. Over defending. I tend to go binge-purge with isolation or spilling my guts. (Bcuz I stayed too isolated for too long likely). I don’t overshare all the time but I do sometimes.
I think what I’m going to try now is first I now have a counselor to talk to. Then I’m just gonna get out more and kind of absorb the “peripheral relationship” energy. I have noticed as of late that my life is far too isolated. And there seems to def be something to the whole “belonging to society” as a whole sort of thing. Just getting out there and reminding myself that people are all around. That I’m not as “all alone” as I would imagine sometimes. Like it was with Covid lockdown. This “semi-retired” sort of homebody single life makes you feel more “cut off.” So anyways. Hope that helps someone and I’m about to find out if it actually works and would help me. Lol. And to make it even longer lol. I remember also how I felt like that living in “the country.” I felt isolated and cut off from the buzz of the world. So at least perhaps just learning more about myself and what makes me feel more connected and what makes me feel less connected. Which is a huge and helpful clue to me.
Very helpful video. 😊
That shirt is dope!!
@KatiMorton, you look like you are glowing. Thank you. Kati ❤
Brilliant video and so detailed one , i really love the deep insights you share here
I've probably done the isolation bit over the years,
but that may be more due to social anxiety
It seems my interest in goth music,
became an outlet to bury my silent pain in.
Speaking of which,
I'm reminded of some lyrics from a song:
How does it feel,
alone, alone.
Will the flesh,
turn to stone?
Til our faces glow
in the faded light
To enjoy the show
is to enjoy the night
Behind the curtain of your darkest dream,
the spotlight shows, the silent scream
Oh..oohhh, the silent scream...
I have been struggling with this for a long time, and I'm still battling it. I'm not sure what to do.
I used to be this way. But now I’ve grown accepted things and ppl not hearing me so it doesn’t bother me. i just stay to myself. I live peacefully and mind my business.
yes indeed 100% agree
one day at a time all i can say
My silent screaming almost always in writings or with subtle words
I tend to be way to blunt now
I avoided mulipulation because that got used on me and I hated it so I refused to ever go in a route like that
For me I always liked being laving and kind but when my severe depression started I used dark comedy a lot and my sort of friends (neighborhood children) didnt understand dark comedy and they thought I was being depressive or something like that but I also brought up the room with normal comedy when my sister bummed the room out
I sort of wanted it to be in a middle ground of tranquility without to much happiness or to much sadness as well without thinking about it
I never made that the intent but I think on some level my brain felt like I needed that not to happy not to sad
I've realized I'm doing this by isolating, from my dad and my brother... it's just that sometimes I feel that I've gone through some difficult stages in my life, from neglect, school bullying, loneliness, social anxiety,, etc on my own... And specially with my dad, I have memories of being his "support" when I was a kid, being a kid therapist lol and listening to everything he had to say.. But when I needed a friend, I needed someone to talk to at 14-15, he was too busy literally cheating on my mom with another woman. Nowhere to be found, not even asking how I was doing. Now that I'm older (25) it's like those repressed feelings are coming out & I don't know how to deal with them. And also with my brother, it feels like I've tried to be a friend to him but it hasn't been reciprocated. I think I'm just angry and resented, not just towards them but also me. I just wished they would ask me how I'm doing and try to be my friend, but I know I have to do the first step but I'm tired I wished they would meet me in the middle instead.