SADHGURU Left the Girl Speechless| How to Deal with Toxic Parents
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- čas přidán 27. 04. 2022
- Sadhguru with his beautiful answer left the questioner out of words. Sadhguru explains how to handle toxic relationships with parents.
#Sadhguru #parents
I do not agree with Sadhguru on this topic. Living with a toxic parent(s) is a nightmare, and the fear you live with makes you extremely defensive. This defensive mentality affects you at so many levels that you don't even know when your pysche changes for worse. Being abused by someone constantly programs you to be suspicious and negative about everything in life. Even a slight disagreement with someone makes you aggressive, as subconsciously, you are trying to avoid ending up in the same situation again. You sub-consciously see the image of your parent(s) in every possible aggressor/offender/arguer. Even if someone tries to have a healthy debate with you, it seems like an assault and as a knee-jerk reaction, you mispercieve the interaction and attack verbally. All the humiliations and trauma you gather from one person becomes the source of your constant frustration and never-ending resentment in life.
True
Agree. If only it was as easy he makes it sound.
You have summarised my experience and how it has affected me, that I myself missed to realise.
in my eyes uh r a legend presenting such a thought👍👍👍this is reality at many places n ppl try to make kids adjust and worsen there situation
🥺😢
No one should ever tolerate toxic parents.We must build our career and make ourselves financially strong first. After that some good clear boundaries must be set with toxic parents.
I truly inspired by your words.
I am doing really well in life. I thought the attitude of the toxic parent will change the moment things will improve in life but we are again back to square 1. She is cold hearted person. I Did everything for her but her behaviour is still the same and m the one losing mental strength gradually. So a kind advice from the person living in the adversary is- the farer, the better
True
Soo true Thank u for reminding me
@@peengoo wish you a peaceful and sane life
the amount of people that are present here and depressed about their toxic parents makes me feel like im not the only one.
Same here
Thank god
Just because you didnt had toxic parent doesn't mean they don't exist.
Just because you cant see doesnt mean there is no wind
I agree 💯
I respect him a lot but today I realised no one is always true
Practical solution is "Leave them n stay alone".
Yes
My mother is also toxic and aggressive. She is jealous of me earning money and doing cooking by myself. She aggressively says u better move out of house. I am from India , i also pay her every month rent , she wants me to struggle more , she was not giving food at all after i graduated college, can a mother be like this. I did not have dad since childhood, nor a mother now , i became an orphan.
@@aj9706some mothers can be brutal, they will say that I say and do everything for your good but in reality they just want their benefit and not their child's
He just spoke too many words without making any sense. That is a skill.
Very easy to sit and preach..not easy or practical to live a life without getting affected by toxic parents though.a human beings personality gets affected a lot if he/she had to go through trauma during those tender formative years itself..philosophy doesnt help while dealing with such trauma..those who know , knows how difficult it is when you have toxic parents..u cannot love them bcz they are toxic..you cannot hate them...bcz they happen to be your parents...wat an easy thing to deal in life..
Yeah...you're right. It's much easier to cry about it in the YT comment section.
You are right 😢
Yes I am a looser girl for life coz no one can understand what m going through
@@jugglingsingh9308i believe in you ur a strong girl
@@maddo7192it is also much easy to scam ppls by providing engineering with no lpa
It is lot easier to say but as a child who have grown up in a very toxic household, though I have been lot progressive, still somehow affects me. It takes time to heal 20 years of trauma dealing with extremely toxic people that you can't avoid because they are your family members. They are going to judge you at every move you make, they will constantly try to break you no matter how good you are. They don't give you privacy and the person grows extremely reserved, will never have the courage or trust to welcome anyone new into their life. I remember whenever I went home, I would never wake up early because somehow I'm scared of hearing toxic things right after I woke up so subconsciously my mind wants peace so badly for that I end up waking up when they are not around to taunt me. I wish no child should ever get such family. I know being an orphan can be tough and a big word to use but still better than being around toxic family.
🥺💯my exact words, wondering im not the only one
Very true
Not just Sadhguru, in case of any motivational or spiritual speaker anywhere, they're not more intelligent than us, actually for most of our problems we know the solutions and what needs to be done, but we know only intuitively. We're a bit afraid to acknowledge the solution and implement it and that's why we listen to these people like sadguru what we already intuitively know, because we needed to hear it as it would hopefully give us a little push to step up to solve the problem. But sometimes we're more CORRECT than these public speaking EXPERTS 🙏🏿
It is not always necessary to blame the kids all the time , emotional growth , mental growth and spiritual growth of a boy or girl is begins with their home, if that home is already is already distructive growing in to that disgusting situation is really a tough job if adults could not handle how could expect from the kids to handle that situation? . Bad distructive environment of home works like poison for a kid's mind it effect them badly, it destroys their creativity, mind set and there view towards people because they get restricted upto that environment.
easier said than done Sadhguru! how can you expect a 10-12 year old going through this struggle with parenting. as you said in your earlier videos, nurturing children is a life time work. if that's not done by parents , then asking the kid to gain wisdom out of the fight of their age is just stupid. if only kids of 12-14 become wise by themselves, this world would have been a better place.
Exactly. Childhood trauma can only be understood people by who had actually gone thru. Its more traumatic than being in abusive relationship or as the example said by him than some said something you should not get affected and its your reaction that effects u. Parents are responsible creates the stability and foundation of emotional build up. And girls being sensitive and emotional they experience that intensity of emotions more.
Exactly.... Pain is often foolishly romanticized 🤦♀
@@shivashakti9189 exactly i mean
Where's solution? Should we fix whole world or fix ourselves?
Only solution. If ur in a ditch. And if u can't come out of it. Or don't try to come out. You'll stay there only. It's reality. World works this way only. Rn any person in ukraine war or syria.. Will switch there lives with u.. Without no second thoughts.
For People who grow up in these situations it's hard to have the kind of rationality Sadhguru is talking about.
Let's make it happen ❤️
Thanks for this 🙏🙏 your have talked to my heart coz my parents also caused a toxic stiuation in my life for many years,but after watching this video, now I know how to deal with it may God bless you always sir
If she is sitting there on stage she doesn't have real strict & toxic parents.
If was real she would be crying in a corner of her house, with no permission to leave the house.
Very very untrue. There’s different levels of toxicity and people have different levels of tolerance.
Aisa zruri ni h mein bhi kitna hi pareshaan ho jaau apne parents se lekin ghar se bahr jaake mein bilkul normal aur I think more normal than others hi lagta hu
Every child deserves a Parents ,but not every parents 😭😭😭😭😭.
I had suicidal thought for twice😢, but I didn't Hopefully I m waiting for my life to change , I know I can escape from this if I get a Job , but they are not allowing me to go for work 😭😭😭, I m a Software developer fresher got by job by my own hardwork, I m Bio background not even a Engineer and I don't even have a Laptop ,I studied through my mobile and created a Project through it , even I got distinctions on final 3 semesters 😭 it was hard , My last Hope I want Krishna🦋 to help me😭😭....
Hi sister. Hope your good.I am also in your situation and Our only hope is God.Are you from Tamilnadu?
I am 25 years old ...since childhood to till now i have been facing this .... even till now i presumed I am the problem and they only thing i have to do is to please my parents by acting myself and by not being genuine to myself ..if I try to genuine to myself and start saying no..suddenly they bring up their sacrifices...i was extremely baffled ..i start believing myself i am the one who is wrong..i had lots of struggle to myself ..since childhood i have been pushed to suicidal behaviour,it's still continuing ...sometimes i feel like am i victimising or what ... having hell a lot of self doubt .now i have realised its not my mistake and I am not alone in this world....the only solution available is rather confronting them ,....focus to be financially independent and move on
I went No Contact with my toxic parents. That’s the only solution. Toxic parents have no love. They just want to control us.
yeah u r not alone bro
I do appreciate his view on life but that's possible only upto a certain limit. We can always try our best to deal with a difficult situation. But our mind and body should also be capable of doing that.
With my experience I tried every possible thing I could do to get out of that situation. Tried to please them, tried to act stubborn, tried to ignore etc. but nothing really worked. She'll be nice only for some time and then she continues with the same thing. I'm into counseling for almost a year now. Things had improved only for some time. Now she's back to her previous behavior.
I don't know whether things will get better or not. At the moment I can just hope for the best. Just want to say never give up.
Not for others but for yourself. All d best 👍
My mother is a NPD case due to her abuse ...I had counseling for depression and anxiety!! My life is hell because of my own parents.....a lot times I am only thinking about killing myself.!!
@@vedika1101 Even I used to have suicidal thoughts before but not now. You know how? I stopped living for others, to be bothered by people's words and actions. There was a time where I had no purpose to live my life. I had lost interest in almost everything. All thanks to my therapist I tried my level best to come out of it. I failed so many times but trust me ... Even if you have to start all over 1000 times... It's all WORTH IT.
Currently my mental health is not that great but it's much much better than before and I'm proud of myself for it.
And I'm sure you'll be proud of yourself too.
I know it's very tough dear but never ever quit. I know you are strong enough to get through it. All the very best to you 👍
Today my father has abused me at my worst bcoz i asked him to not to bring food from my second mother cant eat it bcoz my mom love>>> then that. Not only this but many things that had broken me alot bcoz of that lady from childhood till no i am 19 yrs old i am nothing to do against him bcoz for me my career is imp and my mom is housewife . Just writing to relief some pain .
Please don't tolerate this complain on police station about it and get rid of him and you and your mom work hard for your career it will be a good future
Facing a similar situation like you.
But one difference is that I lost even my mom in 2012 and bearing this pain.
@@vaishnavivaishu8031 every thing will be fine sis keep working on your goals and most imp don't take decisions in emotional , angry , happy mood 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I believe what he says is accurate even though my family sucks there's always fighting, arguing, and hate. Conversations with my parents equal arguments always, so now i just stay quiet but that causes problems too. They don't like when you refuse to argue.
The friend was not complaining. She just refrained from relationships she thought were bad for her. The woman doing the talking is the one thinking it is a problem.
Thank you Sadhguru
I am literally crying 😢
If your parents still live, are not dead How then they are your past. So the question of fixing the past doesn't arise. If they are alive, they will continue to make your life miserable. Not only they, if they have other children, they will also continue to your misery... because most of the time children are carbon copy of their parents. We live in a society where nobody sees parents fault.
We livw in a society that does not care if the weak get beat down and children are amongst the weak.
I grew up with very toxic parents. I was intelligent. I used them as a negative example of what not do. But there is something missing from this advice. The process of becoming wise is long, difficult, and must be chosen repeatedly. It's worth it. But there is no fast way to recover. You must take on the process of rebuilding yourself as a long term project. It took me over 50 years but my life is everything fulfilling and beautiful and filled with gratude. But you have to decide and you have to choose and work to embody values you know are positive for yourself and everyone you encounter.
Excellent🙏🙏
Love you.
.. "lot of people are still living like rodents''.. made me laugh.. Such a great way and apt example he gives.. its mind-blowing/!
Thank you
One of my parent is very toxic, I feel suffocated every second when ever I am with that person. I left home at a young age due to this, but now I got posted in my hometown, and due to the social pressure I am compelled to live with that person every day, and every single day is a living hell for me. I am lost, its so dark in here,
Are you alright ? I am going through the same situation but advice you to humbly leave them please.
I can understand your prblm😢
Easier to say
Only sufferer knows the true devastations
people who react unconsciously instead of responding to a situation hav to face these situations...yes in life we cannot change the past but we cn make our future better by looking in front mirror rather thn rear view..🙏
Yeah tell a 10 year old that. What a horrible take.
Sushmita: GuruJee you are 100 % the mastermind of this topic prayer 🙏 ❤ 😍
🙏🙏🙏🌹🌹🌹🕉️🕉️Gurupadukam Namonamah 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏. Thank you so much
It's very hard yaar.. I cannot understand my feelings also.. It's like I don't know what I am doing.... It's not physical abuse.. It's the emotional abuse that you are not good enough
Save soil save ourselves
🙏🙏🙏 an eye opener.. Thank you. Lots of respect to Sadguru 🙏✨❤️
Love it don't look past keep moving
I agree
Yes we can change these disastrous parents by simpling disowning them ! Legal process
The problem is parents are supposed to teach children how to live, how to think. They give a starting roadmap for life. So that the child won't die, and will achieve a certain amount of positive adaptation to the world by the time they're an adult so that they can be independant. They instinctively know how loving relationship work, how to talk to themselves and deal with difficult situations. They also offer a place of comfort so that the child is not alone and in constant distress because it doesn't know what to do, where the danger is, if they are doing the right thing or mirror the child's emotions so that they develop emotional awareness.
Children from toxic parents not only have to start from scratch, but they also have to undo all the bad stuff that they learned. Toxic parents are a source of danger for a child. The toxic parent teach the child that they're doing everything wrong, that they aren't worthy of respect or love, that relationships are dangerous or uncomfortable, that they shouldn't feel what they feel, that they're alone if they need help, that they can't have what they want and so much more.
Sadhguru is a guru, he does not seem to have the answer for psychiatric problems such as CPTSD, it's just beyond his understanding.
relatable
While I feel it’s easier said than done? I do agree with him
Sadly true, negative people will forever exists, and sometimes we encounter them even unintentionally.
But how to deal with the situation / how to react and feel? That’s what’s most important.
Sure it’s normal if sometimes we may be sad, annoyed at something or someone. But to the point when it ruins our lives? That’s just destroying us from within.
Note: he’s not saying we should fake being happy with negative people, not at all. Still know to avoid them, to find a better atmosphere for yourself. Just know it can still exist, and how to deal / cope without letting it damage you
The great sadhguru
Simple & Concise. If such thinking is put into practice then it will work wonders in our daily interactions with everyone. 🙏
True🙏
Sanatana Dharma…..
I'm not agree with u
How easy is to be destructive and negative
And how hard is to be joyful and supportive
Jesus Christ
Use them as a tool. An example of who you refuse to be. Keep that promise and you will see your own strength,wisdom and beauty. It will trigger these pple even more. To them..how dare you do better with circumstances they allowed to embitter them?
Everyone is a good example of something, even if its bad.Use the good and bad examples to make your decisions on shaping who you are and authentically want to be. No one will be able to define you because you will put an end to that nonsense as you smile(or not) and walk away..since they're privy to your soul and private thoughts they don't need you to be there, right?
They look like idiots time after time..that's on them. Respect is a two way street. Hold on to you as they're busy talking about you. Ask them how you're feeling today. That's a great moment. Do it in style if you ever do. Good luck to all.
That 'you're in charge of wise or wounded" comment bugs me when you toss it off and children are the ones caught in the wickedness.
Maybe S. nvr had a malicious or envious guardian/s.
I'm speechless
Difficult situation:
You choose to become
•affected and wounded
• more intelligent
Develop:
• conscious response
• don’t be compulsive reactionary
your experience of life should go your way 100%
• mentally
• emotionally
• energetically
Should all go your way
Unless you are in a war zone; you should react in a way situation suit you even then there’s a chance of conscious response
Thank u sadguru ji🙏
I agree , as I live with toxic parents , and this things becomes more possible when u have a sibling brother or sister , who is wiser or eventually u , things become relatively easy when efforts put together .
Problems of circumstance are more toxic than satguru think for people there out neegall kathu kathu na vedthu vedthu problems are worsening so problems of each people has to face ideas are mere medicines like only
Disagree. Living with toxic parents is impossible.
@@karanaggarwal7648 I’m living in this situation now😢
@@omarshatila7940 Be independent financially and get the hell out of where you are at the moment. Otherwise, your life will be in deep shit.
Fully agreed
Please move out. It's life-changing
Agree with Ajay Tiwari totally
🙏🙏🙏
This video came at a time where i was so lost on what to do with the same situation. I was lost on whether to let go and move forward with this beautiful life or keep looking in the rear view and hoping for a change. Thank you for asking the question and uploading the video. God bless
So what you choose ?
Wow, Sadguru your tone of voice on the topic sure shows just how relevant this topic is in today's narcissistic climate of dog eat dog.
❤
If Sadhguru had toxic parents, I would love to see how Jagdeesh Vasudev had become Sadhguru.
My first reaction was like “Easy said. How would you talk if you grew up in an abusive environment?” I felt provoked…
Then I looked at my own reaction. First of all, who am I to judge the life experiences of Sadhguru? I know nothing, right?
Long story short: I felt confronted with the fact that I still maintain some excuses, blaming the past (which is long gone for centuries) and feeling things that happend back then as a present reality while it only happens in my imagination. He touched a sensitive nerve and caused a shift in my perception of my suffering. I am getting more conscious of my abiltity to do something about it and I feel less helpless. I am very grateful he “provoked” me! 😉
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
#SaveSoil
Does he mean as a child it’s our responsibility to be emotionally more mature at the age of 4-5 and be more intelligent to understand these things? what happens in the childhood early years affects lot on how a child learns to see the world and it gets stored in your unconscious mind. It’s easier to say this because people who have childhood trauma and who don’t have very different mindsets.
Sadguru couldn't digest the idea of toxic parents. So instead of sympathising with the victim and offering solutions he calls her problem an 'excuse', blames the victim for being victim, questions her integrity and downplays the parents problem by saying they did what they thought best. Sorry sadguru you are part of the problem here. It is because of the judgement of people like you that victims of toxic parents can not open up and have to carry the mental trauma, insecurity, confusion and depression alone in silence all their life .
Sometimes it makes like horrible life to deal with..after doing all efforts too
I understand what he is saying.He is correct in ideology, but it's not easy, when you live in those shoes, especially when there is no one else, for such kids, no guidance or no one to look up to, when they need it all to become 'wiser' sooner.
Do not look for ideal situations. there is not a place.
I failed in my jee mains ,and since 15 days only I'm hearing bad from my father whom I loved the most ,it's mentally so breaking ,not able to understand who is wrong I or papa...please give me some advice
Best Video Advice Ever Seen ❤️ Thank You So much Sadhguru ❤️😍
The impact on the psyche is not sudden she being reserved is not miserable. Its her friends opinion maybe coz she is not as fun as others when around. Why are we preaching to act like nothing happe ned instead of preaching on steps to heal out of trauma...and trust me situation is one thing trauma is something else. Constant conditioning is what happens unconditioning needs time and support of others atleast not judgements. Connect here to empower from pain to power than box some victims as the reason for their suffering. Empathy is something that enables them. Am sure no victim is sharing issues to gain sympathy. I love Sadguru for his speeches on few topics but yes I think with this one it didn't have depth like usually. He must be agitated with how the world is than what an individual has gone through. Pls don't invalidate anyone's pain especially childhood wounds...either help heal or just keep quiet on that topic. There are lot of other topics to talk about put energies there...
My mother is also toxic and aggressive. She is jealous of me earning money and doing cooking by myself. She aggressively says u better move out of house. I am from India , i also pay her every month rent , she wants me to struggle more , she was not giving food at all after i graduated college, can a mother be like this. I did not have dad since childhood, nor a mother now , i became an orphan.
every time i am sad, i listen to him. thank you sadhguru for your kind words
This is like asking someone who has never gone to school, once they are 25 to get a job as a manager. If they have never been given the tools to do a job, you cannot expect the now adult to suddenly know how to be a CEO.
What is he saying., does he live in a movie ?
Having toxic parents is worst/very bad than living in a jail.
I do follow Sadhguru. But yes, when you live in a toxic environment it's hard. But...the choice lies within us.
It's up to the individual to extricate themselves from other peoples poisonous behaviour and make their lives better. I'm sure it's difficult but who else is going to do it? Find help if you must then make your life how you want it to be and don't look back.
What a clarity and wisdom in his speech. I bow down to my guru. The whole world should follow sadhguru 😊
In bagban movie there is scene in which Amitabh Bachchan's glasses were broken and he can't able to see anything & his son didn't even provide him new glasses. That can happen with a child also, but no bollywood movie will show that, Amitabh was not able to read newspaper because he was suffering from hypermetropia.. but i am suffering from Myopia i can't even walk without glasses.. it's like becoming handicapped but they don't understand it. Sometimes they laugh at my problem, they don't think i should have 1 extra glasses for emergency in case i broke my glass as it takes atleast 2-4 days to get new glasses. They have some superiority complex that they have created me so they can do whatever they want to do as if i am not a human but just a product for them. Aren't they toxic enough?
I dont know why my friends father won't let her become financial independence?
Practices ayurveda and gets treated by allopathy .
Toxic enviornment 24*7 ,simple solution is to leave it . Stay alone and be at peace 🌺
He is trying to say if somebody try to shoot you , it depends on you how you take this situation
I want him to meet dakhir nayk 😂
but you don't have another choice you cannnot change it in the middle
Vellom vanno Mile
Toxic parents don’t get even this simple logic. That’s the issue.
I do not agree with this reason or explanation at all. When someone is emotionally unstable cannot focus on cognitive things. Its not possible. Nobody chooses to be miserable.
Get away from them to better employment and secured life not for Poor's
He just belittled the whole issue!
When you blindly believe that person knows everything and ask him question...
Guys here not really understanding what sadhguru said and commenting its easy to preach.
First: She is using past tense.. she grew up with toxic environment and I agree you even loose the ability to think clearly in toxicity forget about making yourself wise out of that situation. what be is saying will happen when certain distance has arrived from toxic family due to work in another country/city and you have tested joy and peace which you never experienced earlier.
So he is saying do not blame the past for your current situation. yes you did live in terrible environment may be as child having those people all around not allowing to live peacefully but once you grow up once you have tested the life without that toxicity then you should bring clarity upon yourself lead a good life rather than stuck in the past that it happened with you.
You learnt ABC also with torture, you made mistake, you realised you corrected it and you moved on. simply he was saying you had a situation, you faced it, now when you have certain distance from it you use it to learn and grow and not get succumb to it.
No one in the world chooses to live a miserable life. If someone has been through a childhood trauma then instead of analysing their behaviour as adults and expecting them to behave matured, we should actually try to analyse what the person went through as a 'kid', those tender years during which all those characters necessary for so called mental stability start developing. Very importantly self confidence and self respect. The kid starts to understand love & care and many such family values.The abusive behavior of people in the environment he or she grows makes a lot of bad impact. Yes, now as an adult we can surely preach or even understand that if I faced something as a kid, I needn't torture someone else. I shouldn't live in misery just because I have seen misery, shouldn't make other's lives miserable just because I living one myself. But that doesn't mean the ill effects of childhood traumatic experiences aren't real. So I totally disagree with Sadguru on this.
So you are saying people like me should make a settlement even if we have had experienced toxicity for fucking 10 years or more. Are you serious sir?
Thats why i love west countries with having no family system
Its a experiential thing no one can understand this.i have something to say first learn how to raise kids then get married dont get married becoz ur aging fast.its very underated rveryone thinks whoever married they can becom parents due to just having sex.And after that resultant child is problem.they ll not let u be on silence.
Makes no sense to me. A child has bo control over his parents. He needs hand holding and sometimes professional psychiatric help to get out of the childhood trauma. This self healing is impossible. A person simply cannot snap out of years of abuse and trauma one fine day and decide ill use this adversity to my advantage. Ill vouch for this , it took me 43 years of my life to realise this
I am sorry to hear that but I feel the same 😔
I was 43 when I went No Contact with my toxic parents. I am now 50 and still No Contact. It’s the only solution. We don’t need anyone’s approval to protect and love ourselves.
My face has changed bcz of childhood neglect and disinterest of parents. I have a resting bitch face with zero expression and i cant even help it. People in offc keep asking me wat happened, r u ok. I get so angry ki kuch nahi hua. But i cant help that ghost look that i have n cant do anything about.
Your primary caregivers are responsible for the wiring of your nervous system. I do not agree that it is simply a question of intelligence and choice here.
Philosophy is good for the ears. But does not work in practical life. How would anyone feel if their own parent stands against them & try to provoke them which brings out the monster? Later they will tag u as a spoilt child. I keep trying to voice my concerns to my Dad but the way he neglects everything makes me look like I'm the villain. In a family of 5 the ratio is 1vs4. How can 4 people be spoilt in a family while 1 person dictates everything? From choosing a profession (I built a factory btw/ he didn't say a word), choosing which people I want to be around (not all neighbours/ people are good). There is always constant criticism, blame, complain about 90% things in my life from 1 person. By commenting here I'm using the freedom of expression. I don't expect any outcome from this. But I'm a strong confident person & will deal with whatever is hindering my peace & mental balance. You won't let anyone walk all over you, would you? I say "I just don't give a foook" like Connor McGregor 😂🎉 & go about doing my daily chores always maintaining a distance from a toxic father. Rest of us family members we are all good. Thank you God for this life I wouldnt want it any other way.
Toxic parents bahut kharab hote hai
I strongly disagree.... I become wise from various mistakes but this is not a mistakes it is a constant scar which is daily wounded by our own ... members....
My father has destroyed my life I'll not care for him in future