Managing Boundaries with Narcissists - Part 2
Vložit
- čas přidán 23. 10. 2021
- Setting and reinforcing boundaries with toxic and narcissistic people can be difficult, but not impossible. In this video Darren Magee looks further at being clear, concise and assertive when setting healthy boundaries for yourself with difficult people.
Just as a reminder, these are only ideas to think about and are not a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Managing Boundaries Part 1 • Managing Boundaries wi...
Managing Boundaries Part 3 • Managing Boundaries wi...
If you find this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon or Substack
/ dfmagee
darrenfmagee.substack.com/
#healthyboundaries #narcissist #boundaries
The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future. The contents of this video are only meant as ideas to consider, not as a substitute for support from a mental health professional.
Hi Darren!
I wonder if you have a video on how to deal with gaslighting... I know some people gaslight unconciously because we highlight an aspect of them that they are unaware of, but i mean those that willingly gaslight because admitting to the truth is too painful. How donwe respond to that? I notice that gaslighting triggers me because i have so much trauma around being gaslighted. Usually i end the conversation, but i wonder if you have other options. Thanks in advance💕🙏🏽 Bless you!
I've made two videos on gaslighting and identifying it if they're helpful? If not I'll look into making specifically on handling it.
@@DarrenFMagee thanks Darren! I just watched your video about the tactics and the answer actually came up for me. I realise that the answer is more simple then i thought. Its important to not internalise their behaviour and allow it to hurt me or create pain within me. Just stay calm and grounded in my truth while explaining the gaslighter that i prefer to stay in truth during conversations and that if they are unable or unwilling to do that the conversation is over. Its a matter of staying grounded in my truth while expressing boundaries.
Awesome by the way that you reply to your comments.🙏🏽
May God bless you.
Hello Darren , I have been in a toxic relationship with a narcissist for 11 years this has really effected my mental health could you make a video on how to heal from such experience. Thanks
Thank you for your topic suggestion
I was married to a narcissist.
She took away my dignity and made me question my worth.
Got to the point that I hated myself.
I'm in the process of getting myself back.
I just want to be happy.
I am divorcing a narcissist. This channel has saved me. Every time I watch one of your videos, I think "YES! SHE DOES THAT, TOO!"
Narcissists don’t honor boundaries no matter what you try. Just get out!!! Your sanity is worth it!
I have found the best way to deal with narcissists is to have good self esteem. It took me a long time to learn this. I couldn't have good boundaries until this happened but I did try to fake it until I made it. When you realize that you are perfect the way you are and deserving of love this is the foundation to build on. No one gets to treat me like crap anymore, I deserve healthy, loving and kind people in my life! Another helpful skill that will keep you out of their clutches is the ability to self-validate. Hard won lessons for me.
Well done, it's not easy 😊
That self-confidence is very, very hard to come by. But when you get to own it, nobody can take it away anymore.
You never lost sight of that light at end of long dark tunnel.
Great advice!
Rubbish. No one is perfect and many people are not deserving of love. I'm sure if you think logically, there are plenty of people that fit this category. And remember the foundation of you making it is built on top of faking it. You gaslight even yourself. XD
@@simev500 Once you display your self confidence toxic people just seem to disappear. GOOD!
This is EXACTLY what happened to me. Warning to anyone in a relationship with a narc...the more relationship bonds you form (marriage, house, & kids) the worse they will become.
I use a lot a tactic: “it doesn’t matter” when the narcissist blames or tries to shame me by antagonising: e.g “you are weak and I am strong” I just stay calm, recognising that he wants a reaction and reply “all right, but it doesn’t matter” or “why does it matter?”
And then let them do the work….
I use that a lot too. It’s not that serious. It works
So?... works too. Kind like...who cares? Or, what do you mean by that? Sometimes it's ok playing dumb even if they notice you are playing dumb. If it bores them, it works.
@Darren F Magee The Looney Toons reference was hilarious! 😆 The part about them studying you so they know what buttons to push is SO true!! Especially never ever let them know about any insecurities you have. Just think of them as a loaded gun and telling them your insecurities is like handing them a bullet with your name on it.
My 40 year old son is a narcissist. No matter what We say or do, backfires.
He’s like a ticking bomb.
He’s always right and We are always wrong.
I’ve stopped speaking to him bc I can’t stand being around him. He pushes and pushes.
He tells me awful things and then says he loves me from both sides of his mouth.
Heartbreaking what we have to do to have peace. Stay strong. Self-care.
I am in the same position with my 32 year old daughter. So hard with your own child! Am drawing boundaries while keeping the door open. Such a tightrope to walk !!! Best of luck to you dear!
I think it’s so much harder for parents. Our maternal instinct is constantly undermining our capacity to protect ourselves and walk away. How do you walk away from the child you’ve loved and nurtured for decades? How do you stop the heartbreak? How do you give up everything about your life that mattered? How do you survive the un-survivable?
It isn’t only that. It is also trying to protect my grandchildren.
For me, the Golden Child is my little sister who still refers to herself as "the baby" at 65 years old. I am surrounded by these people in my family.
That is brilliant. Stop being ambiguos. Not telling them what to do. Boundaries for vulnerable narcisist.
Thank you very much sir. I very much appreciate the perspective of an expert who really understands what narcissism is, and how survivors can learn to better deal with it. Glad to have found your channel!
This series is an epiphany. Concise, unbiased..... real.
Thank you ever so much Darren.
For people who don't have access to doctors, mental health services, your videos are a blessing. I have alot of challenges ahead. These videos have helped put a direction & destination in view, instead of running around in ever decreasing circles. I appreciate your work very much. I wish you every success with your channel. 👍
Yesterday I had a huge argument with my sister (2 sisters and 1 brother are narcs). I am +10.000 miles away from their houses. I called her manipulative toxic 👿 bitch and to leave me alone , she's been sucking my good energy since we were young (we are in our 40's). Yes I was rude but my sanity come first I had enough if them and I deserve to live my life in peace and enjoy it with happiness. I will not allow my family to destroy my mental health anymore period 💪
Just block them. Don't explain them why, they know.
Thanks for these vids. I’m divorcing a narcissistic husband and what you say is very useful to understand his behaviour and know what to do until I’m able to completely leave him in the past.
I lost my mother when I was 16 and me and my 2 younger sisters were left at the mercy of our narcissistic father. It was a family without love. It’s very hard to defend yourself from that when you’re so young, but what the three of us did was leave home as soon as we were old enough. My youngest sister turned out to be quite the same but, as she moved abroad in her early 20s, we haven’t had to put up with her except once in a while. I completely barred her from my life long ago. So these two cases didn’t help me much to understand narcissists, and that's how I ended up marrying another one. I didn't notice he was one.
He certainly didn’t look like one at first or during the first decade, because we both have the same profession but, as he is older, I suppose he had a sense of superiority over me because he was ahead of me for some time. Until he wasn’t: I got a better position than his and hell broke loose, in a narcissist’s way. Not physically violent, but I was always guilty of everything. He didn’t want to collaborate in the house chores, so gradually I stopped doing his part. He had to cook for himself, wash his own clothes and, in general, take care of himself in response to his insistence on me having a full time job but playing the housewife anyway. We stopped going out, travelling together and doing anything enjoyable because he always found a way to spoil all that. I remember telling him things like “Going to Paris together? What for? So that you throw a tantrum at the door of Notre Dame because you don’t want to go in?”
He was always accusing me of not respecting his closet space, so one day he came home and there was a new wardrobe in the bedroom, just for me. That made him feel ashamed for a couple of days, but then he found other strategies. I moved out of our bedroom. He took care that sex stopped being enjoyable for me, so I stopped wanting to have it. And so on, endlessly. And nothing stopped him. He's always treated his son the same way, and his son puts up with it because they live in different cities and only see each other now and then. He has a better relationship with me than with his own father!
Now, in retrospect, I don’t know why I put up with this for about 7 years, but I think it’s because of growing up without love since my mom was gone. He wasn’t able to control me, but someone coming from a healthy family environment would have left much earlier. I just wanted to be loved and I stayed in the hope that he would prefer to have a good life with me. I had to learn to understand the situation. Now he’s old and he lives alone. It’s what he deserves, he built his own misery.
So I’m saying all this for others to learn from my experience: don’t put up with this like I did, there’s nothing to be gained from trying to make them reason. Don’t lose your time, just go away!!! And have a nice life, everyone!
Tks for sharin'
Good for you and thanks for the information and encouragement.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It helps others to break free. All the best to you!
What a wonderful comment 💐 I'm so glad you escaped.
Thanks ❤
Great coverage over the hard things to name. It is best to have accepted the fact these people can't love...Accept the loss of the person you thought they were. It is easier to be detached and protect yourself.
Keep your identity when dealing with manipulative, selfish, self centered narcissists. Always be independent. Don't ask for money, transportation, favors,and dont invade their space. Don't complain or stress them out. If u do, they will block your phone.
Thank you so much for these important reminders! I will be on alert so I’m not blindsided by their next unexpected jab! I think for sometime I got so accustomed to trying to explain away their behavior instead of seeing it for what it really is. These videos help remind me that it’s going to keep happening and I can be prepared to deal with it in a healthy way.
You are a god send! I can't tell you how grateful I am that I found you. So spot on, I might finally find my way out!
Darren, you are a kind person and your intelligent insight and helpfulness is needed and appreciated. Many thanks from Arizona.
Exactly what this Jezebel assistant pastor's wife does. Even when I said, "No" to her demands for my money or demands to do things for her, she ramped it up & said I was rebellious to her & to not question or disobey her. I kept quiet & RAN AWAY from that church.
A long time ago now, I made an important decision, which seems still very relevant in the context here. Stop giving them a vote in decisions about how you see yourself. I still kick myself about how long it took to stop taking the bait and trying to explain myself, which I would do even in full knowledge that there was no intention whatsoever to listen to the explanation. The point of the baiting for explanations was just a puerile power game in which any explanation was always going to be dismissed and ignored anyway to give the narcissistic abuser a sense of power and superiority. Once I consciously decided that how I see myself is not a committee decision, not explaining became easier and then just the default. I hope that might help someone else a little too.
It's one thing to be on the lookout for narcissists when setting boundaries. It's another to be on the lookout for useful idiots (aka flying monkeys) when setting boundaries. Narcissists can be predictable if you know them well while flying monkeys can be dangerous and insidious
They are the ambushers in the road .
It never ceases to amaze me how easily they can manipulate even severely intelligent and professional people into being flying monkeys. They’re extremely adept at ‘working’ Social Workers and Psychologists as well. They know all the right things to say, and exactly how to play them. In fact, I’ve found Social Workers/Psychologists are often more gullible and easier to manipulate for the narcissist than the average person. Children/teenagers of a narcissist have little hope of getting help, because their narcissistic parent easily controls the people they should be able to turn to. When it comes to victims of narcissist’s over the last 40 years, the professionals the narcissist enlisted as flying monkeys did as much damage and much much more than the actual narcissist themselves had the power to do!
True victims of narcissistic abuse have severe and serious trust issues with professionals… for damn good reason.
Thank you for this. You understand this like an expert, and explain it in a way anyone can understand. And your compassion comes through in what you’re saying.
Darren I cannot express how grateful I am for your guidance. Using this everyday until I get out. Thank you x
yep, my covert mother is constantly "heavily ill" since my 5 actually and literally dying so I have to do all the chores at home she believes. She started using me that way at my 10 but I quickly realized what mummy`s "illness" was really about
Another really useful and easily understood video. What I have been struggling with is the “but how do I respond/reply/act to a narcissist?” as my boundaries are non-existent. So to have your examples of lines really helps me understand what is required and I can then learn from that. Thank you Darren.
I was totally clueless with boundaries years ago and a basic exercice to get going is daily name your preferences and distastes.
Could be anything from a scent or music to some weird conversation you saw on TV or an activity.
You just acnowledge them for you or notice them and realize they are there, like giving yourself some validation about it in your head "oh ok so I kind of enjoyed this thing there" "am not digging these actions" and might even explore why is so or just realize it's great you found this preference of yours.
Do it a couple or so times a day and in a month you're going to feel boundaries more put together and you will also have trained to communicate em to other people in your own words as you talk to yourself.
Hope it makes sense, all the best.
Thank you for these direct instructions. I get lost in confusion at times. My husband is not a person I would re-marry. He is in assisted living after years of multiple medical problems/surgeries, etc. I've been his caretaker for years, but now he needs 24/7. He insists he can manage on his own and becomes indignant about it. I work full time. That is impossible to consider and even if he could come home, I cringe at the thought. All the lights came on since he left. I can breathe.
One way to stay safe, I would suggest, is to know when to walk away. Never react based on your own emotions. Edited to add- during an interaction with the narc
I currently live Ireland.. When I first moved her, I had a private driver( because I hate driving) he I was everything you described. He was continuously pushing boundaries.. and pushing “shock” conversation or comments..usually sexual , or blanket statements about my physical stature. I’m reserved, mild mannered..until I’m not. One day he felt it would be a good idea to grope my left breast.. as ai was unloading groceries. I forgot his age, and physically put him in. His place, as he was pulling himself off the ground.. I promise to personally deliver him to his God. These kind of people don’t care about boundaries! It’s a challenge! The older they are, the worse it is!
I LOVE it. Good for you! You're very intelligent, courageous and self protective. You made me lol 😊. Was married to narc. I know they have no boundaries. Stay strong. 🍀
Way to go, Mo Butter!…..
Fair play mo!.
OMG that's terrible. We need to keep the CREEPS out of our lives.
Excellent how you explain that they learn a new trick when you are vulnerable.
Brilliant! Clear boundaries that are unforced with consequences. Say what happens when the boundary is breached. Stay firm. They may never change, but we learn to be strong
Thank you for this series on boundaries. My father believes he owns his three children and that we owe him because he gave us life. We are not young, in our mid fifties and sixties. Our mum passed away last year since then he has made our lives a living hell. In fact he is alienating all three of us. Which brings with it guilt on top of our grief for our mum something he does not acknowledge. Everything is about his grief.
At 73 years old, I am still trying to find a place to be in my highly dysfunctional family. My first memory is fear of my older brother and sister. My sister was Mommie Dearest mean. Only told this to one other person: she beat me with a wire hanger when my parents were out and she had friends over. I was crawling down the hallway, just trying to get to my room. She kept at it until one of the boys told her, "That's enough." A total stranger had more empathy for me than my own sister.
I still can't stop her, but I sure am going to try. I have been "the little servant girl" for so long I am depressed and feel worthless. I only hear from her when she wants something.
Thank you for these videos. I'm glad I found you!
Weird that after saying this, my sister texted me wanting Epsom salts for her sore toe. Her daughter and grandson live there, but she has to ask me. Yeah, only when she needs something...
Saying NO is a skill I never had.
If you name the behavior .. sometimes this can be used against you as a reaction . They will just do it more. In this case, I imagine it’s just best to remain silent.
It is WHEN you choose to remain silent that you can unequivocally set your boundaries. Narcissists are quite predictable on their game of one-up-manship. They are quite adept at finding fault to every response you have to their line of query and quick to make it personal. The trick is NOT taking it personal. State your position and move on. There is hardly any sympathy to exchange in such lopsided engagement. Save your personal concern for those who really uphold mutual respect.
I always say, "don't engage".
Staying silent is not a solution. It'll only drag everything out.
Yep, like talking to the police….
Loved this video, very helpful information! Also, my inner child enjoyed the reference to Wile E. Coyote and wishes she could go back to those Saturday mornings when watching Looney Toons was the agenda for the day 😁
Thank you. I began to set my boundaries in writing via email. I refused to respond to the immediate intrusion and emotional blackmail.
Subsequently the person proceeded with all the tactics you have described. I'm very pleased to say that I stayed factual and rebutted all attempts. Now to keep strong. Luckily it's a friend not an intimate one.
This is very good instruction, thank you. I like that it is specific enough without drowning in details.
Thank you Darren! I get so much out of your videos.
Thank..you..so.much.
Very interesting. Was told by a higher level manager to tell the narc supervisor in a meeting discussing a conflic she and i had " when you do X, it makes me feel ...."
Now i know that fed right into the narc's plan so she could further push my buttons. Nothing worked out. The higher level manager was human. The narc supervisor was a monster.
Thank you.
" Name it to tame it" works well. Calling out each covert narcisist trick as it is happening is easier to manage than trying to explain to anyone how the cumulative effect of their bad behaviour is making you crazy.
Can you plaese explain ??…language barrier🙏🙂
@@a.n2675 Im sorry it was my typing mistake. 'Name it to tame it ' means you lable the problem so you can distance yourself from it a little, emotionally.
@@jen-dy6tm oh ok Thank you 🙏🙂
This set of videos is invaluable. I wish I had known these things before. You probably know how spot on you are on their behaviors and tactics but you have no idea how much you’ve helped me. Thanking you is not enough when you’ve changed a life like you’ve just changed mine. Information is power.
Thank you so much for your advice, these videos have been invaluable in assisting with a 30 year issue. Please keep the videos coming!
Thank you for an extremely informative and helpful video. Thanks for expert advice. We should behave with the narcisists the way you have described.
My new female colleague definitely has a repitiore of tactics; however, because I have educated myself and continue to do so, her variety of approaches were as clear as day.
I eventually set my boundaries and now she's in the silent treatment mode, which is, as you expressed, is just another tactic.
Thank you! You answered my most recent question in dealing with my NPD landlord. I think you're spot on. She even tried to endanger my job which in turn could create a lost tenant. Totally self-destructive & financial suicide to both of us. Absolutely illogical, in fact bordering insane for her to create problems with my job. I think it must've been subconscious on her part
Thank you for brilliant advice Darren.
Hey Mr Magee, I like the way you explain, for me having these people in extended Family, Brother's wife and her son for example, are Text book examples of everything you say. I'm away from them now, it makes me Down on myself for putting up with it for 40 years, I can see these types coming a mile away now
I'm Dealing with an 82 yr old Narc.
I'm Asserting Boundaries w/ Her.
She's Been Told Before NOT to Do Certain Things.
She Never Learns, Changes, Nor Apologizes w/ an I'm Sorry.
She Hides & Breaks My Things.
I've Been Trying Something Different Lately--
I Call it Shut-R-Down. 😂
I See Her Approaching Me from Behind thru a Strategically Placed 2 inch Concave Mirror on My Desk.
She Loves to Interrupt Me When I'm Reading There.
When I See Her Just at the Door, I Turn 1/2 Way, No Eye Contact w/ My Hand Up...
Then I Say 'I'm Busy Right Now'--Can't Talk
I Keep the Control --She Get's Shut Down and Leaves.
If She Says I'm Sorry, I Don't Acknowledge it.
It's a New Thing She's Never Seen Before.
I Found that answering questions w/ another Questions Baffles Her.
She Asked Where I Was Going--I Said: Why What's Going on? Is Everything ok?
She Said No. Everything is ok.
So I Left the Room.
My Experience: My Narc. She Would Expect Me to Set Myself on Fire to Keep Her Warm Then
Complain and Kick at Me When I'm Almost Burned to Ash Saying :
I Knew You'd Burn Up Too Quickly and Leave Me Here Forever, Cold & Alone.
Thanks for the Vids.
Wow that's amazing. I love what you said about setting yourself on fire. That is so true.
Fuuuudge that hits close, specially the fire thing. Thanks for sharing advice!
In response to their problem, “Oh no, what are you going to do?” Thanks Andy Stanley.
I also like “You know, I don’t think I am going to let you blame me today.”
Deny them “significance.” This comes from ego state theory. Significance is the ultimate type of supply.
My son's father is a narcissist and we have been broken up for 6 years and it's been a living nightmare. These videos are really helpful, they literally describe every minute of my life with him and every time that we talk about anything. Thank you for these and keep making them!
Thank you so very much!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH for helping us to be strong & grow healthy emotionally. God AWESOMELY BLESS you.
When I had enough, I responded with : You are stupid ! I repeated that until she said: I think, we have to stop talking, and I said: Yes. Now, I have a peace and happiness. Stupid, worked perfectly.
In the process of distancing myself from a narcissistic family, every time I watch one of your videos they bring back some bad memories. This has really helped give more insight to issues surrounding my family's interaction with each other. Thanks for what you do.
I can’t get enough of video’s about boundaries. 🙂
Thank you. Much appreciated.
Your channel is an absolute gold mine. Thank you!
Excellent! Thank you 🎉
Brilliant! So helpful… 👍
Most of your videos spell things out exactly the way occurred or felt at the time. Thank you
Thank you for great advice Darren.
Thank you so much for this. My covert narc parent is really pushing my buttons and these are great tactics for me to feel in control x
Thank you so much.I love listening to your sharings.God bless you.
Such good advice. Thank you.
Reactions, either against OR for them, is most of what they want. ANY reaction keeps you in their games. Keeps you sucked into their games.
This is very helpful information, and the Tardis is comforting.
Thankyou Darren. Am so grateful for your inceteful information re Narcissism. It was a previous msg snfchouveven mentioned Stovkholm Syndrome. It was like hitting the nail on the head. These attitudes I saw related to 2 specific identities that we had encounter with. They were like intruders messing up so many peoples lives. I really hot a broader perspective on the situations and was able to pass this to members of the family that had been affected by it.
This one functions perfectly well as a preparation for the very unpleasent realisation behind the stright out diminishing state of mind that's been actual where a narcissist has been able to keep dominating thanks to ones love for the one dominated the most. I probably wouldn't be able to fully explain why more or less unwanted memories (easter time and all) are triggered just by this series, but I do at least realise enough to want to emphasize a form in presentations that shows considerstion on the part of receivers who could be in great need of just the advices given, as where they are needed, perhaps what conserns the establishment of personal boundaries in particular, this tends also to indicate problematic relations elsewhere, at least where little amount of true personal freedom is developed. An honest thank you is at its place, and I pray, if even just adviced already, that we shall all be able to keep our conduct through the easter, even if again expecting to be experiencing inner revolt.
Now that I've seen a couple of seasons of Peaky Blinders, your voice is much more soothing. Thanks for doing these!
Thank you so much 💜🙏
Great video!
Wating for the 3rd...
Thank YOU!
so well said.
Thanks for this great video, Darren.
It is true that often they want a reaction, but sometimes, too, it's enough for them to say something they know will trigger some hurt, regardless of whether you react or even respond or not. The aim seems to be to just weaken the other person.
I have found this with my mother, who I used to engage in conversations on the phone (Past tense now, I will no longer accept a call from her. I will see her in person maybe once a year, if that).
So on the phone, she is very talkative and sometimes would throw a gaslight in the middle of saying something else, and then just pick up the discussion as if nothing had been said. It didn't matter if I responded or not.
I thought I was doing the right thing by not responding and just biting my tongue, but it kept happening (not all the time, but every so often), I would feel the hurt of it, not only at the time but for the rest of the day or even week if it was bad enough. Typically then I would block her for a few weeks or months.
The last time she did this, I did respond, as calmly as I could I asked her "what are you talking about" and then repeated the question. She then quickly 'forgot' what she'd said which was clearly directed at me and pretended it was herself she was talking about. When I then questioned her again on it, she just laughed in a way like she was happy she got a rise out of me. It was clear enough I'm sure that I was disturbed by it, but this didn't matter. She carried on as if nothing was said.
She is 73 now. They don't change.
Amazing advice , I have to deal with a father in law who is undoubtedly Narcissistic, and although I know this and have distanced myself from him , it still is good to go over the basics of what I’m dealing with and how to manage our thankfully rare meetings . You are of course right , he will never validate me or my husband , it should be the thing I remember foremost in our dealings with him .
Just found your channel ❤️ I am working with my ex, and I set a boundary that they stepped over, so the consequence was a team meeting with the rest of my employees. Unfortunately, I do not think they will stop crossing the boundaries I set up, so I am not sure what to do next time - since it is really hurting my confidence each time.
Ty darrin for sharing ur insight very helpful 😁🇨🇦🇨🇦
"Stop doing their work for them"- Yes, sir.
Very good helpful video
Thank you sir
In process of divorcing a narcissist wife. I didn't recognize it at the time though. Just suffered the abuse for too long. The tips you give in recovering are valid. No point in blaming the other for your faults. I need to work on me.
After a very long 5 year separation I have finally decided to just block all contact. I just cannot care anymore. We have older children, who can contact him when they want. I finally am feeling the emotional trauma of it all and if I didn't have faith I'd probably have lost mind. It is no joke. But thank God I am free
If you want me give suggest my honest opinion why we have so many narcissistic behaviors, I will say that our society created them also are constantly enabling them. We can expand on this belief if you want to. Tgank you. God bless your work.
It is quite difficult to do this in a work situation when the narc is in a supervisory role. Grey rock is often not an option and a vindictive and retaliatory supervisor has leverage in many situations. Many, many times I was set up baited, lied to, devalued, triangulated and gaslighted. I knew better than to provoke her and wouldn't give her any personal information. She was well thought of by her superiors... until they realized she was lying to them and tried to take some of them down, and that her subordinates in the department were all right about her.
Sorry for the he'll you suffered. I worked under a she-devil, let's call her Florence. Abusive, threatening, and lied. She is so sick. I hope yr healing now from yr abusive Super. Thankful she was found out. Stay strong.
Exactly! Totally agree! Add nepotism and an embedded work culture that further upholds such behaviour - absolute nightmare!!!
It is very good her superiors are finally seeing through her.
I did instinctively what you said. He ended his life with max violence you can imagine, and that ruined me
Exactly why after my father's comment, I looked at him for about 5 seconds, turned my head, then turned my body, and then walked away.
I could see him peripherally looking at me, basically frozen, because I gave no reaction and walked away. The next that I saw him, he was hospitalized. I stay for a few minutes and left. I never saw him again and didn't attend his funeral. Why? Father or not, I had finally concluded that my life, all of my life, was better without him and I hadn't lost anything worth having.
Have you done anything about dissociation? There seems to be alot of information out there but it's like they're all taking about related but different things. I'm particularly interested in brief but intense experiences of dissociation. Anything you would be willing to talk about?
Thank you for your question and suggestion yes I’ll put something together for you
@@DarrenFMagee Thanks. 🤗
So I do recognize it isn’t about me , I guess what I’m hearing is that I have to not react - know that’s just who he is and it’s not personal. That’s a tough one when I really want to be married to my best friend - and i thought that’s who I married. He is definitely high functioning. But it doesn’t take a degree here to know he is a covert narcissist. I guess I’m at the place where I have to decide do I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can’t change. Right?
I learned about 'grey rock' and used it very effectively with my (text book) narcissistic ex wife.
I appreciate what you are sharing. I ask God to help me stay strong and to keep me safe. I pray for Holy Angel protection and for wisdom to how handle difficult situations
I pray heaps too. They still get the better of me. And the bible says to forgive, forgive, forgive. Forgiveness always makes me vulnerable again. I don't want to be super vigilant all the time but if I forgive it seems to make me a target from every narcissists in the neighborhood. I truly can not get away from these people.
Prayers alone are lazy- do the work if you want results
@@jrojala what do you mean?
Psalm 91
Forgiveness guards against bitterness.
In my early 60s and just learning to set boundaries. Wish I had done it sooner to avoid unnecessary frustrations.
Each situation differs. You'll know what you are up against.
Blessings *
Some people shouldn't have kids.
Hi Darren. I’ve recently come across your channel.Thankyou so much for this information. A common tactic I’ve experienced as a man is threats of false allegations ( real in their mind) of alleged emotional abuse when you try to enforce boundaries. Can you please provide some tips on how to counter this malicious tactic. Thankyou.
try to lead (even better is to sever all ties) not to negotiate, or be led... (thanks a million)
I feel like I can use some of these techniques to just deal with myself.
Last time i told a person; i notice that you keep on interrupting me, she answered with; thats your opinion🧐🙄🙈🤪
How do you respond to that? I know it is clearly not an opinion and i told her that i would stop the conversation and we did. But how annoying that was....
I have asked NY older son to stop talking to me and to only talk to my partner I feel like a broken soul but no more
Yeah we would definitely have to work this out with each other because I am sure she would have some boundaries with me as I would with her that's what a relationship is about working together and having a good understanding with each other it's not all just 1 one sided no more manipulating.
What I have taken from your post, and I probably am wrong, but do not engage them by offering an opinion or solution, let them figure something out on their own. If I won’t help her with the rent she ask, do you want your grandsons to have to go to a shelter? I don’t help her financially anymore, she forty years old and can’t hold a job because of her nasty personality. Of course I will help the children, they can stay with me, but for her, I will never do another thing. She has spit in my face dozens and dozens of times. I am going to keep reading your posts and finally start to grow a backbone. Thank you 🦋🦋🦋🦋