Narcissistic Bullying
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- čas přidán 31. 07. 2024
- Narcissistic people can be both intimidating and coercive towards other people. In this video Darren Magee outlines some of the most common tactics, phrases and behaviours narcissists use to control, manipulate, bully and threaten their victims.
These behaviours would most commonly, though not exclusively, be present in long term relationships with a grandiose narcissistic partner or family member, even work colleague, and include blame shifting, threats, demanding obedience, punishing, gaslighting and vindictiveness.
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Please feel free to suggest any topics you you might like me to cover in future videos.
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#narcissisticrelationship #narcissist #bullying
This is an older video I've adjusted the sound and re uploaded. Hope it's a bit clearer.
And what to do? Loved this Darren 👌
I have a playlist of topics about recovery and managing boundaries, you might find something there 👍
you should have photo-shopped in a button :)
excellent info! i always thought grandiose meant that the person had a "grand" view of themself, but i have learned that grandiose applies to anyone who thinks they are special. for example; a victim can be grandiose. anything that makes the person unique and/or different from the rest of us, whether good or bad, is grandiose. would you agree or am i way off on this? thanks
I guess haughtiness can come in many forms
@@DarrenFMagee thanks.
Not just the grandiose Narcissist!
The covert Narc uses the same tactics and is likely to cause more damage because they insinuate rather than openly threaten. It’s always difficult to identify what’s happening when it’s not in-your-face, but when the scales fall from your eyes…
When my ex husband threatened to tell people embarrassing things about me, I told him to go ahead, because nobody cared anyway and whatever gossip he had about me would make people yawn after 2 mns flat.. Not like I'm James Bond or whatever. Lol.
Yeah, know what you mean
In my personal experience, threatening to remove children is another one, and the most evil and sinister of all bullying tactics.
My mother-in-law would say she is going to report me to have my son taken from me. I finally got tired of her threatening me, I told her go ahead and do it. She told me the only reason she didn’t is that she could not get custody of him. Which is what she wanted.
Husband used the same threat to our children, too. I only found out when, in their teens, they mutually agreed to tell me about it.
This is actually one of my reasons for never having children. I knew my mother would try to take them. For absolutely no reason but to hurt me. So no, I never had kids.
@@ceceb6264Stay away...
Openly accepted them all without question or judgement the future faking kidnapping liar jealousy evil did not do the same lol 😂
I ran into a narcissist in a workplace. It was a Nightmare. Nearly killed me. I confronted this person before I realized narcissistic personality and there was no end to the attacks and undermining. Watching my back EVERY second and still unable to escape the endless stream of slings and arrows. HR held the assault at bay awhile but these people NEVER stop not EVER.
They’re the reason evil exists out here
My toxic evil sister years ago called me bragging about how she got someone fired at her job. She was cruel to me my whole life so I was always walking on eggshells so that she wouldn’t turn her evil towards me although at the time I didn’t know about narcissism or believe that she was truly evil. I just thought she was a bully. The kids that I grew up with though told me she was evil and that she hated me, but I was so naïve. I just couldn’t conceive of it. Anyway, she told me how she got a girl fired because the girl wanted the promotion that my sister wanted, and the girl got the promotion. They were not supposed to talk about pay or salary, and so my sister found out how much this person was making went and told the boss that the person was bragging directly to my sister about her pay raise and promotion and she was fired over it. I still carry that guilt with me decades later thinking why didn’t I call the boss and say hey I think you should know this is what my sister did. She got that girl fired but I never knew whether she was setting me up or telling the truth or lying so I said nothing.
Their evil will stay with you forever. When I think about her, she makes my stomach churn at all the horrible things she did to me things that no one would even believe because they’re so outlandish. I think they tell people about the things they do like if they push you or if they steal all your things they go around telling everyone oh so and so it’s crazy. She’s telling everyone I pushed her and steal her things. They put out there what they are doing, but they do it in such a way that they make it seem untrue and so then you come around and try to tell people that she pushed you and stole from you, but they’ve already spoken of it since no one believes you. How can anybody be that evil? It’s like premeditated planned evil.
They literally beat you up and break all your things and then tell everyone you’re crazy and that you make up stories and they get away with it. It’s beyond comprehension that someone could be so evil and they smirk at getting away with it.
@@thirstonhowellthebird I’m sorry you had to deal with such a malicious sister. Avoiding her would be impossible. The trail of destruction and betrayal these people leave in their wake is terrible to experience or witness in so many ways. You’re right about the manipulation of the people involved to create a version of reality that makes them out as the ones telling the truth and/or the victims when it’s the opposite. Then the sadistic glee in harming people. Ugh. Toxic is an understatement.
The problem is, is that reactive abuse can sound just like these. I have a narcissistic ex and I find myself saying these things because he is so entitled and doesn’t follow the court order. He does whatever he wants. I’m constantly having to try and say the right things to make him follow the rules. And they might sound threatening like taking him back to court. Ugh… it’s awful…. I didn’t know much about narcissistic traits until a few years ago. I had no idea my ex had high narcissistic traits. I was married for 18 years. I had no idea what I was dealing with.
Saying the opposite to what you want might work! We just decided if it was worth fighting for or not
@SilverSerpent64 when we heard that the GAL let the mother be present when speaking to the girls and that same GAL expressing her dislike that my partner could work out in his head the impact of a leap year on the parenting schedule, my partner realised the only time to reinforce the parenting agreement was over health decisions. The one time the GAL supported his case was over getting an ASD/ADHD assessment done and the judge didn't grant it until the child was old enough to be granted health autonomy. He also insisted on them doing communication counseling then didn't criticize her for refusing joint session which was what was ordered.
Over time we tracked decisions and realised that she would do the opposite of any opinion he gave to the girls on anything. If he said "I think this school would suit you." She would enroll them in another school.
10 years of stunts like this wears you down. We used to joke about opposite decision making. It kept us sane.
If the court won't reinforce their own policies such as encouraging mediation you can't keep taking a contempt action, especially if you are still having to do a job.
So true- when we are telling the narcissists "That never happened", it's actual reality.
When people invade your boundaries when you say no you're definitely dealing with narcissists.
I think the reason is because they never engage in simple dialogue.
They turn everything into a conflict, a competition.
Ex;
They will never greet you and say; Hi, how are you ?
They will instead go strait to; Why did you do this ?
Accusing you right off the bat !
One of the really tough things is "needing a job" where the manager is a NarcoPath.
You might have a family. You might need the cash for food and rent. ..........It is a very tough situation and I understand........but...
the bottom line is that it is going to be difficult getting out, no matter what. These people do not change and you'll rarely win going up against them. My recommendation is to take the first job that is offered, even if the pay is not what you are looking for. Get the heck away from the abuse!!!
OMG, this is the best video about narcissists I've ever watched! I was in a very toxic relationship, so I know how traumatizing it can be for a partner of a narcissist. It took me more than SIX years to understand how to start to think straight and not draw myself into the mud again. As you said, their goal is to get what they want, so it is quite straightforward for them, you are just a component of their game! they lie, also mix lies with truth, yes, they use "look what you make me do", they destroy you from inside, they make you feel you are nothing and you do not deserve anything, they are the king of the mind game, they ISOLATE you from every single person you've known from your life (yes, they are able to do it!). they use double standards, they make you think that they can see you through, and make you feel you are insane if not to believe them! when things get out of their control, they destroy you from the outside! in my case, he bonds with his original family(to be specific his mother). Trust me, narcissists use any possible ways to get you, to hunt you down, they use children, they threaten you, they want you dead! Thanks for the video, it is a validation of what I've been thinking! I am glad to hear someone who tells the truth and I am not insane!
My husband and mum inlaw, very tricky, really been hurt the past 23 years.
I got 3 years behind me I imagine it probably will take three more. I hope all this has not shortened my life.
Thankyou for writing and explaining how you were feeling. It happened to my Sister for 12years and it has been happeneing to me at work. You have expressed the situation perfectly., Again, thankyou so much. Cheers , John (Australia)
Bullying people online for no apparent reason also happens quite often and I really think people should be angry about this- because it can happen to anyone and if we don’t do something about it it can end up being a huge societal problem.
A lot of this sounds so familiar. I had my brother in law tell me he would let my parents and friends know I am a terrible person and mentally unstable. I was so scared at 17!
I am so sorry 😢 they are so mean
I’ve never had a work place stick up for me. They believed the nonsense and the smear campaign and eventually I was let go without knowing why with a logical reason.
Same here, most bosses are narcissists anyway, their hive mind makes them all stick up for each other.
Same here I was let go as well from my office
@@Bhappi137 just keep in mind that when one door closes another one opens. It’s not always guaranteed that you won’t encounter the officezilla but you can avoid or train to deal with. 👍 Never give up because we deserve jobs too. 👍💪💪
Yes they antagonise decent people until you lose your patience and when you lose your temper or even just defend yourself or point out their nasty behaviour they become more poisonous and then think to themselves how can I be more nasty
It’s true my dear they are evil people take your life and run away
A couple of times while my covert narc mother was raging at me about 'my' behaviour , I mentioned that she does the same thing followed by 'THIS IS ABOUT YOU NOT ME' . So relieved not to have to deal with this anymore and yes I've heard all of these . Her virtue signalling never stopped .
The Narcissist's Mantra: Rules for Thee but not for Me....😁
"You are responsible for what I think, feel, and say." That's was my mother when I was growing up and she still is. It's exactly how I felt she was relaying to my siblings and I.
respect must be earned mutually.
2:25 now that makes sense. Everybody knows presumption of innocence, what I've felt my whole life is presumption of gultiness. Till I prove that I am innocent (which is not possible) I feel guilty and to be suspended. I'm already guilty without starting an action.
Hi Darren! I so appreciate this video, because it's like hearing a re-run of 'life' with my n-ex, validating all my concerns. I feel your empathy through the heightened emotion in your voice. We shouldn't be able to talk about bullying in our usual calm way, because there's no place for evil in any relationship. What makes your videos so good is you are an excellent communicator. I feel like I'm going down a path with you, as you hold my hand and clearly explain everything I need to know, step by step. It really is like you've "been here before" many times, and know exactly what to expect and do. This is so comforting to those of us who haven't been down this treacherous path before, maybe never even heard of narcissism or what goes with it, and have really had our nerves jangled from being blamed for the incredibly poor treatment we've received! Thank you for being our strong daily Ally! You give help to many hurting and broken people who most likely have no one else to turn to, and they'll never get to say 'Thank You' in person. You're a kind man, Darren. May God richly bless you with His Shalom!
Exactly! and they are the most disloyal dishonest secretive guilty people themselves. I found myself keeping quiet and keeping things to myself because of the damage that would be caused for the narcissist would be devastating to the point where her flying monkeys would be the ones going after her.
Unfortunately for me though. Me keeping quiet only gave her the option to gaslight me and cause damage and destruction in my life with no defending from myself. due to her complete lack of empathy for me and her deep desire/need to cover her own actions from others. The funny thing is, I was happy just to get on with my life and just be a father to our child without causing trouble for her with the truth. But NO! She couldnt let me get on with life knowing that I knew she was guilty of all those horrible things that she did. She had to "set the record straight" to everybody around, and deflect all wrong doings onto me. It will never change either!
"...beating themself over the head with a frying pan saying, look at what you're making me do" in my view is tantamount to a hunger strike. It's nonsensical.
Me; "Could we talk about the money (thousands) missing from the account and your gambling?" Response, while arrogantly and aggressively storming off: "You don't own ME! You can't tell ME what to do!"
Calling people hypocrites for saying/doing something contrary to what they said/did a gazillion years ago when they were a small child.
Very important topic, especially for those whom are naturally more timid and less prone to confront. Thank you, Darren!
When my ex husband threatened me to say shit about me, I told him to go ahead because what I had about him was worse. So if he wanted to tell the truth, so would I.
My mom tried to punish me like this-she went to my high school friends and even my ex fiancé pretending to be concerned about me, and then told them the reason I stopped talking to her was because she was abusive. Of course they called me wanting to know why I didn’t speak to her, and I said, “She already told you.” She tried to shame me by implying that I was making things up and thinking nobody would believe me-and then I confirmed it in person to people. I don’t think she expected me to openly admit it to people outside the family, and now even her friends know but she shamelessly continues on as though we have a relationship-even stealing pictures of my kid (that she has never met) off my MIL’s social media account and printing them off and framing them. No boundaries ever, she says and does what she wants, takes what she wants. She refuses to be told no or respect my feelings and boundaries so I cut communications with her in 2007. Amazing that even after all this time she refuses to accept that we no longer have a relationship.
There you go, fight fire with fire. In my case, I just happened to have some allies at our congregation whose respect greatly mattered to my n-ex, and they wanted to hear from me after he made a big mistake which made people notice his bad behavior towards me. OOOOPS! They are bullies, full of a lot of hot air. Where would they be without all their awful drama, and our love and care?
@@ac1045Wow, as a mom, I can't imagine another mom dissing her own child to anyone! Long ago I had a very close girlfriend who came up with a derogatory nickname for my son after he and his wife divorced. I was shocked and asked her to stop calling him that, but she apparently didn't want to, so I told her we were no longer friends. She never apologized. I never understood why she did any of that.
@@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 that’s pretty awful of her to say. Like why say anything at all? Did she have some investment in your son’s marriage outside of her friendship with you? And even if she did…this is the kind of thing terrible people do. Even if there’s an explanation for the nickname, calling your son this even after you asked her to stop is just rude, and I’m sorry she was so disrespectful towards you.
I just got out of this type of relationship with two "friends" not that long ago and some of the phrases that I heard were: "if you knew it was a joke, then why were you hurt?" "You're not remembering that right, that's not what happen." And at the same time heaven forbid you make a joke they even Think is at their expense or try to correct them on anything. Also, the denial of accountability by saying stuff like: "I didn't know what to get you." "I don't remember things like that." "Oh, sometimes I just say things." But like he said, they hold YOU accountable for everything.
They might even try to weasel their way back into your life as well, like those two "friends" are trying to do to me right now, But I'm applying what he said in the video, I have a support system and a therapist and I'm not even hanging out with those two because I know where my limits are and being alone with them is not a thing I'm gonna put myself through again. Period.
The double standards are very discombobulating and hard for me to spot. U have provided a lot of clarity on the hypocrisy of these haters and their sycophants 🙏🏾
These tactics apply to COVERT NARCISSISTS too ... probably more so than even the grandiose type because the covert believes he/she is the PERPETUAL victim. Narcs (both types) will commit ADULTERY and then BLAME YOU for it because you did not do as they said, you did not meet their constant demands, you did not worship them. So YOU, yes you, should feel guilty and ashamed that they cheated on you. Get it! Sometimes they will even OPENLY threaten to commit ADULTERY (as my Ex did) because they are ENTITLED to your worship night and day
and regardless of how many years of HARD WORK you have put into your marriage it means nothing to them IF you don’t do as they demand and command you to do so which you never will because they are human equivalent of black holes with a bottomless pit. My only regret is not having booted him out of my life sooner esp. before I had children with him. What a mistake to have given him chance after chance. If you have ever been SCAMMED in life then you know exactly what being with a Narcissist feels like. They are CON ARTISTS except calling them ‘artists’ is a real insult to those artists and creatives who are nothing like the Narcs. Please get rid of them from your life as fast as you possibly can. You will gradually recover everything in life except the PRECIOUS TIME you wasted with them. Don’t give the GIFT of your life to these unredeemable ingrates.
I don't know... Some of their behavior is quite subtle and covered up to almost an impressive degree. But absolutely easier to see once you've gotten acquainted with their tactics!
The Narc doesn’t always show their true colours until the first child is in the cradle, so don’t blame yourself for not getting out earlier.
Mine waited until we’d two children. It took me another fifteen years to realise what he was doing.
You could have stopped at "it means nothing to them."
Wow, you sound like a great person, and you express yourself well! I'm glad you've recovered everything but your time.
My Nex used to say that about respect. Whereas, I say respect is given, until its not. Imo, we should respect each other always.
Another bullying tactic, "you never told me that".
Thumbs up for the racing green wallpaper ( and the video )
Oh, is that British racing green? It looks different on the wall and ceiling, probably because I've never seen it on a wall... Green is such a great Irish color!
I have been going through all of trying to get away! I have left two jobs because of his phone calls when I am not acting correct. So embarrassing. Until now I thought it was me. I started to believe that I couldn’t even remember my own stories because the details didn’t lineup and he could replay them Word for Word. He doesn’t have a problem dragging other people down either with me always a threat of I’m going to tell your employer that you and so and so went out for drinks before your meeting. You get to a point where you just stop telling what you’re doing so it wont be thrown back in your face.
CLASSIC stuff. So sorry you've found yourself in this place. All of us who have been there know what you have to do, and I'm sorry to say that also.
Hi great video my friend God bless you sir have a blessed day be safe blessings 👍😊🌎❤️👏🏻✝️🇺🇸
Hi Darren, how you become so knowledgeable? Your channel is full of insights!
very helpful. Thank you!
Spot on
Thank you
I subscribed! Can you please do a video on narcissistic siblings? My sister is a damn night mare and my mom just enables her (because my mom is a doormat).
Thank you and thank you for your suggestion 👍
Yes please! Adult sibling relationships.
HI AND THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH FOR SHARING THIS.UR VIDEOS ARE ABSOLUTELY THE BEST VIDEOS I HAVE SEEN ON NARCISSISTIC ABUSE.
I HAVE BEEN EMOTIONALLY BULLIED BY A NARCISSISTS
FOR SO MANY YEARS,I RECEIVE INDIRECT BLAME SARCASM.
HORRIBLY BELITTLING ME .
I AM BROKEN IM TRYING TO REBUILD MY SELF WORTH AND SELF ESTEEM.
THAT WAS DESTROYED BY THE NARCISSISTS.
I NEVER IN MY LIFE SEEN SUCH EVILNESS.
NARCISSISTIC PPL ARE BRUTALLY CRUEL
Thanks, I've just watched your piece on HSP and then this piece on narcissistic bullying tactics, you've put something into perspective that I've been battling with for years. I've felt trapped and unable to move on but not anymore, I'll let it go now and get on with the rest of my life.
Thank you Darren, been free of mine for 10 years now in one respect. Physically he is no longer here but the ghosts and words constantly pop up. every single one of your words is exactly what He said. Handling money is another foothold, he would say here is money for you, but then would tell me how to spend it, usually around him. Then would say he gave me money for myself, couldn't even but myself a pair of tights.
I loved the respect portion. Dead on. That was my mom. In her mind it was like, "I haven't raised hell in two days? Michael, Ronda, Jeffrey come here! It's hell raising time!"
I had to subscribe to your awesome channel. You’re very insightful and quick-witted. Besides, narcissists are very insecure individuals they choose to become a toxic sadistic person in the first place and ruining innocent people lives for no reason and boost their pathetic ego to feel superior about themselves by belittling you or abuse you for their own kicks. Well, there is a torture place for those individuals, by meeting me in real life who also get kick out of it by abusing them in severe way. PS: Excuse my disturbing anger issues …I have a lot of anger and hatred towards those toxic, evil individuals…Have a nice day.
God bless You. Amen
I really enjoy your videos! Spot on! Another thing I would love to see you cover is the constant obstinence and defiance. Over the stupidest things. Things people usually do without second thought just to meet in the middle with people. The refusal to do that. Like being furious if someone wakes them up or interrupts their peace. Yet if they're in a bad mood, being obnoxious (even passive aggressively), demanding and just upsetting the peace in the environment altogether until people learn not to upset them or to drop everything and soothe them when they are upset. If anyone calls them on this childish behavior or begins to react, that's when s*** hits the fan. They can be downright vindictive with this or it can be as seemingly harmless as behaving like a small child when their mom is on the phone. Either way I feel like the attempt might be to mentally exhaust you. To bring you down to their level of being upset so that they feel valid using you to relieve their frustration.
Brilliant video thanks! My narc partner also likes to “fake dump me”. He ends the relationship and then he wants me back. He usually does it if I express my own opinions or if he’s trying to wear me down in order to get something he wants out of me. I just ignore it all now but it used to be extremely upsetting.
That fake dumping thing is called hoovering.
A common phrase tactic that was used to intimidate, threaten, coerce and bully was trying to isolate me. So I would believe that I would be helpless, powerless and without any kind of social support network. I experienced this behavior when I had voluntarily admitted myself to a mental health institution. The psychiatrists and staff tried to isolate me from my family members.🤨
Thank you for a very helpful and supportive video.
Spot on, sir! This is so helpful. Thank you.
Thanks Darren, very well explained. The damage that narcissists do in the workplace and in relationships is very large. Most of us don’t know about all this until it affects us. I’ll look at your videos for ‘how best to cope’ and ‘recovery tactics’ or similar. Peter
This is a 100% accurate depiction of my 6 year relationshit with the personality disordered (unacknowledged, untreated and entirely enabled by his covert narc mother) ex. It culminated in physical abuse from him, and has left me with CPTSD. I wish I’d known earlier, and got out at the first hint of the red flags. This situation literally almost killed me, more than once.
That sounds terrifying, glad you got out.
Same here. But we survived. The only thing worse is letting them have free rent in our heads, in my estimation...
640+ days No Contact and never looking back!
I didn't get out of that $h¡# to be stalled out in my life.
I'm going to watch this now with my dinner! 🤗 I'm also looking forward to catching up on your other videos that I haven't watched. Thanks again Darren and best wishes 💖
Are y'all friends in real life? It seems like Darren gives a heart to everything you write.
boi you just pretty much summed up my childhood Most of what you said described my dad He was exactly like that but with a big doas of pure evil with it totally ruined my mother she died at 54 ate alive with cancer throat breast brain she died begging dad to stop being mean I have two brothers one has done around 30 years incarcerated collectively horrible man discusting my other brother was set up for failure and hung himself at age 55 my life was so mysteriously hard i was a mess and couldn't understand why or what was happening Till Jesus began a wonderful work in my and set me free gave me forgiveness and a new mind and heart I am set free today and can see and hear i have peace and joy i have my health back it feels so good to be alive now And I have family Yes evil exists I've lived through it please give your life to Jesus He can set you free Thank you for your wonderful knowledge and for sharing
@Carol M Can I speak to you? Thanks
@@ashl8804 i think so!!!
Do you have an email id? Thanks
Thank you again for this video very helpful lesson
So much laughter 😂 - you covered most of it pretty much 💯 to it all!!!🙌
“ You’re stuck with me now…!”
Thanks so much Darren.
Amazing! Spot on!!!
I love this channel, its a tremendous help!!
Wow, everything you said was spot on!
thank you so much, really helpful video,
thank you
thankyou so much. this is happening to me at work. you have explained it perfectly to me. and your delivery is warm and friendly. From John (Australia).
Hey there, great video! I like the way you break down the behaviour into it's subliminal message, which, after all, is what gets under one's skin in the end, given enough reinforcement. One form of bullying I've come across a lot with grandiose types especially is the "charmer motor-mouth" - they can just out-talk you, basically. You need to prop your eyes open with matchsticks once they get started on some conversational gambit - it's like you have to give them the stage for five minutes. Combine that trait with other, more malignant (yet still covert) traits and you've got quite a domineering person on your hands. I know there are genuinely nice people who are great talkers too, but that's a totally different thing - they are actually great to be around.
Hi Darren, thank you for your informative videos.
There's a lot of information about narcissism and support for those abused by narcissists. Would you please consider making a video for those with narcissistic traits who want to heal, grow and overcome their narcissism? There's not much support for those individuals.
great, helpful content!!!
This is absolutely stupendous, Thank you so much Darren, Helping people out of toxic relationships, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🧿🥰🌈👁👽🌌🛸🧝♀️😃✨️🐉💞😁😃😃😃💞
Great thanks very much 👍🤩😍
My mother would say, "I suppose you think that just because..." It might start with something I really had thought, such as that, during registration for my first semester at college, I could pick out a two-credit course when the one I had planned on was full (so I took Portuguese instead of Spanish). It went on to, "I suppose you think that just because you're in college, you're all grown up and can do anything you want..."(+ attributions of things I hadn't thought of, + a sinister reminder that, at that time, the age of majority was 21 and that plenty of girls my age were working in dime stores).
My mother died hating the Portuguese language.
My husband has been interrogated by his covert narc elderly mother and we've both been interrogated by my narc brother and SIL. My narc mother also interrogates her victims.
I’ve heard almost every single one of these from my ex as well as a former friend.
Thank you.
Well explained.
I am not there anymore thanks to al the professional who spend time educating us. Thank you
PSA. Les carter surviving narcism is also great
They remind me of how kids say "NO YOU!" to each other. So one day when I'm not triggered by them (multiple narcs in my life) I'm just gonna go NO! YOU!
I must say, that some of these things I've wanted to say too, in response to the abusive behaviour of my narcissistic sister.
I don't want to 'talk it out' with her as she denies any and all responsibility, devalues me with every chance she gets, and then accuses me of being jealous and vengeful (I never did anything except for setting some boundaries and let her know I don't accept certain behaviours).
Now I'm done with her and her flying monkeys.
I'm done with her lies about herself, me, our past, her gaslighting, devaluing and setting people against me.
She's painting me out to be a Cruella deVille type villain, and herself as 'the only normal one in the family' while it was her that sadisticly abused me for decades and was placed in a mental health institution for years because of her behaviour. (Many of which are on the Hare's Psychopathy test, she scores just shy of being a full blown psychopath)
Many of the phrases mentioned here, were on the tip of my tongue towards her.. I must say, that some of the narcissistic education makes me wonder if I'm the actual narcissist? It's so confusing sometimes!
The only thing that keeps me sane, is to always keep remembering her abusive behaviour.
She's so damn good at acting, portraying herself as perfect and her family is 100% supportive of her. It's very cult like, but people only see that perfect facade and everyone seems to believe her!
Like I said, the only way to stay sane is to never forget what she's done to me..
Whoa! Your shirt is phasing into another dimension!
"God help you if anybody does." That's it. She took her frustrations out on us.
Thank you! Yes, my narc did threaten me with the gifts + money he wanted. Humiliated me in a huge food hall yelling out to all about something untrue! Shocking! He also threatened me to destroy all that I have worked hard for. I have a small business.😔
I live this my narcissistic husband he used to tell me “I’ll do whatever the F I want “
While leaving work, she actually cut me off in traffic on one occasion. I quickly changed lanes. We both stopped at the light and I didn't even look in her direction. The light changed. She went right and I left, even though I usually went right. Came to work the next like nothing happened.
it always seems to me that these phrases they give out as put downs are things they have heard their whole life based on their own negative behaviour, they are the ones that hit home with them and 'hurt them' the most with the truth, so these are the ones they regurgitate at people to attack them with and why they kinda sound believable because by themselves they are usually common sense way of treating people in given situations its just that here they are twisted and gnarled and weaponised and directed at you to keep you in line so that they are never seen to be wrong
Threatening to make things up to have me committed or put in jail now that I married them they've said it gives them the right to. The irony is they have been committed before by their therapist for threatening her ex before me. I was terrified until I found these videos about the narcissistic bully. Thank you for helping me find the courage to not allow their abuse to immobilize me.
Apparently it is required to be a narcissist to be a cop.
And a Politician, As well as most doctors.
Thanks
Više puta mi se desilo isto sa muškarcima, bojim se da se to ne ponovi, a bojim se da kazem...
My brother abused me when I was 4 almost 5 then blackmailed me that he would tell people. He blackmailed till I was 8 or 9, when I confronted him and said I was 4 or 5 and you were abusing me, we do need to tell someone, he looked blank and just walked away from me, and he never blackmailed me or brought it up again. And I continued to Bury it.
.. i hear you .. x
Wow I really appreciated your insight into the controlling behaviors of a narcissist that is a really green wall my goodness you must live on the East Coast lol that’s an assumption you can live on the West Coast and but seriously I really appreciate the stereotype of that or the behaviors of this kind of controlling person very interesting thank you again I’ll be listening to more love and light love and light from the desert 🌵💌🖼☔️😀
My younger sister fits this description..I never felt at ease around her..it used to take me forever to work out what her plans in her crafty sleeked mind were..she caused untold damage..Are liar’s and narcissistic people different or the same type of people.? I could never get an answer to this..Thank you for your help.
All narcissists lie, not all liars are narcissists.
The main value in putting a label on it, I believe, is so you can recognize the pattern and use appropriate strategies. Psych diagnosis is devilishly nuanced for a lay person (imagine a Venn diagram with many partially overlapping ovals)
I expect few counselors would give you a label for your sister. I suggest reviewing other CZcams videos about issues with significant deceit (the DSM probably has a term for this) as a key symptom. Many "diagnoses" will leave you with feelings of "meh" or "maybe." One will hit you as particularly relevant.
With narcissism, there's a range from grandiose to covert. I never thought of my wife as a "Donald Trump" (famous narc) but she lands near (not at) the "covert" end of the spectrum.
Fortunately, she can't handle the complexity of scheming you describe, but I learned years ago that when she asks"how are you?" It's never about me. It's about how she's about to change my plans for the next few hours.
Maybe you can leave a comment to Darren Magee in his pinned post; suggest a brief overview of disorders that are characterized by manipulative scheming.
@@77thTrombone Thank you for your comment..the thing is I cut her out of my life a long time ago..so I get peace from her now..having said that she comes back in my mind full force when I watch a video like this one.
@@taraann7753 I'm here for similar reasons, when I doubt the reality I check in and it helps me remember
@@helengibbs3153 Very true, we have to be reminded, we don't want to relive our experiences..much to painful 😢.
A parasitic contract that holds love hostage is extremely malicious.
my narc wife wated to do "an investigation " into my phone because she didn't want me talking to my adult daughter who has done nothing wrong.. .she can't have us having a normal relationship
Menacing with automobile, and false complaints to the pigs.
Hypothetically, she will get a flat tire while driving and blame us even though we were in school all day.
Dr. Magee could you please do a video on comorbidity of NPD and Bipolar disorder? Thank you .
Thank you for your suggestion
My first ex told me he'd kill the guy i'd leave him for, then kill me and kill himself too.. i was only 18. He was my first long term relationship. I was sooo scaredd😭😭😭 so so so scared. Traumatized me for lifeee tbh!!😢😢😢
I think the song Loverman by my favourite artist Nick Cave is about covert narcissism. My ex even said to me once before I knew what covert narcissism was that he feels called out by the song.
Listen to Leonard Cohens "Waiting for the miracle" , brilliant song about narcissists, "Light as a breeze" is great to, Leonard had definitely had his run ins with narcissists.
Bottom feeder by parkway drive is the song that reminds me most of my narc ex and family members
My Oldest brother, You don't ask the Questions I ask the Questions. Everyone Thinks So. You're either With Us or against Us. It's like Alcheida .... You Need Me... Can't You See How Stupid and Wrong You Are,. The Worst Part of this, If it Happens when you're Young it Can Set A Person up for other Abusers
Hi, please could someone help - my sister is a narcissist and my dad has dementia. My dad has forgotten everything that my sister used to do , she directed a lot of abuse at him causing a lot of hurt.
He would like to see her but the thought causes so much anxiety for my mum. How do we help him to have contact or should we ?
I have been extremely sad in my marriage and when i saw my friend in her happy marriage i asked her what is your secret? When we started talking she told me what i was experiencing is not normal and not love, came across your videos and now im waking up after 17 years and 4 kids later.... I am beginning to think my mother is a narc as well....
Please address pseudomutuality of family of narcissist. I’m facing that now.
Hello Darren. Thanks for this helpful video. I debate in my head if must expose my abuser tactics on public or not. I have the idea that maybe that can make me feel better and give empowerment, but also afraid because maybe I'm not calculating that my life can become worst than now, because my abuser is a malignant woman covert narcissist and she is always so coward that abuses me by proxy. What do you advise me to my healing and empowerment? It will be helpful to expose publicly my truth or not
That was one of his favs your reading into things too much. It means stop using your brain and do what i want.
In what way would the bullying tactics differ from a covert narcissist? do covert narcissists bully?
I have a video on covert narcissist manipulation if you want to check that out to see the differences?
@@DarrenFMagee Thank you. Yes, I found it after sending the message. Fascinating topic. Thank you for making these videos.
"The truth is what I say it is!"- The senator in the movie "Shooter" starring Mark Wahlberg.
Does it ever get physical? My mil pounced behind me, grabbed on to my shoulder with a vice like grip while cracking a joke, I walked away feeling I just got pinched to the bone and it hurt for a while, but I am confused because she was smiling and acting friendly. She did it three times during a family outing and by dinner she said out of nowhere while smiling “it takes a lot to get you doesn’t it”. I did not respond because I was so tired and just wanted to go home to sleep. Next day I start to realise that it was a disguised attack? So confused here because she prides herself on her wisdom, never wrong and being a good religious and disciplined woman.
Don't be confused, religious hypocrite narcissists are some of the worst kinds. She is testing your limits- how much she can get away with doing to you before you confront her. You have to be assertive. The very next time she does it, physically remove her hand from you (using the least amount of force necessary), look her in the eye and tell her in a calm voice, "That hurts, please stop doing that."
Wow!
'Who's going to believe you?' Isn't this phrase that Amber Heard used to Jonny Depp? Lol