Definitely experiencing this right now. I have a 9 week old who cluster feeds and wow.. I feel like I do everything and nothing at the same time! Holding this baby easily for than 10 hours a day and constantly sitting to nurse her. I feel so blessed that my boyfriend does the house work, makes me food, and take care of our pets, but at the same time I see him sleeping at night and think, "lucky bastard" 🤣 I don't have time to pump with cluster feeds so I don't get to leave the house, then If I do I have to worry if she has enough milk and will I get back on time. Then I have separation anxiety and want to come home regardless if there's milk for her. I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time since the day before I went into labor, the compounded sleep deprivation makes me feel totally useless even though my body is the most useful it's ever been. Exclusively breastfeeding is hard! but I know this is all a phase, and one day I might miss her needing me so much.
Sending you a hug. Cluster feeding is rough! When I felt trapped I would wear baby in my stretchy wrap and go for a short walk round the block or even down street and back. You got this! Cluster feeding isnt forever xx
Needed to hear this. I felt like I was doing it all. Because I was lol, but I didn’t have to worry about working, or going grocery shopping or running the errands. I just had to be home and be mom. Which I enjoyed, but I definitely missed doing the normal things or tasks that weren’t within my four walls. Currently working on that lol. Nonetheless, I had all of these expectations and this like false reality of “we’d be doing half and half.” Which he definitely helped and cared for our daughters, especially having Irish twins I always felt like I could have gotten more help. But it wasn’t until NOW that I have ny second that I understood my role and accepted that this is how it’s going to be for just a bit longer. Thank you Shayla.
This is so true! I started resting better when I moved the baby's bassinet to dad's side of the bed. He was supposed to wake me up if the baby needed fed, otherwise I was to sleep. This helped us as a couple. The other division of labor we have is that my husband is in charge of the dishes and I am in charge of the laundry. I ask him to help with other chores, but I never ask him about the dishes. For a little while wanted to tell him how to do them correctly, but then I stopped myself. Just because he was not doing it the way I would do it, did not mean that it was wrong. The dishes are clean and I am not doing them!
SO true. We had our third one week ago and I'm certain it's felt easier because our expectations are in the appropriate place. I was so bitter and emotional with our first. It gets better mommas!
I have a disabled eight year old and I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. I'm super concerned with "how am I going to do this...." the babies father isn't my eight year Olds father but he is on a Christmas mission to fix her a play room and as he put it have an "absurd" amount of gifts lol he knows he has no clue about what the baby needs and won't be able to help much with her for a while so he's focused on getting the eight year old use to doing without mommy all the time it's amazing how much that parental instinct on both sides does exist because he realizes how he can help me and how he can't and Fortunately I am able to be a stay at home mom thank God because it really would be impossible with me working anyway you're so right about we just rise to the challenge
During pregnancy and in the year after, usually the mom brings sacrifices for the family, that the partner can't compensate for in the same timeframe. It is better to think about 50:50 over all the years of parenting. Parenting is many, many years of balancing caretaking with making money, career choices, free time and domestic work.
I needed this video one year ago. It’s taken me 15 months of my child’s life to finally realize the truth of everything you’re saying. Current cultural norms in the US are pretty messed up.
Love that you made this video. I feel like a broken record on all your uploads but this is why modern feminism is so amazingly toxic to young women. I’m on lots of mommy groups for my kids (with moms who have other kids my kids age) and they are convinced it’s supposed to be 50/50 and obviously it isn’t and can’t be and so those moms are resentful towards their husbands. When you realize a partnership means that each person brings something different to the table and embrace what being a woman and mom means and that it’s different than men, you can be so much happier.
Thank you! Yes, even without kids in the equation, the best advice someone gave me before I got married was that marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100. And some days you or your partner may not be able to give their 100 so it'll be 120/80 or whatever. And keeping that in mind has helped to keep a good mindset when things are tough
@@bleechrcreechrr exactly. If I give everything unselfishly to my husband and he does the same we both win. It’s not a contest and we don’t keep score. We just love and serve each other.
I was naive in thinking that this Parenthood thing was going to be a cake walk because I have such a wonderful caring and nurturing husband. But boy! Was it eye opening. We've probably snipped at each other more in the last month or two than we have in the entirety of our relationship. I constantly have to remind myself that he does his share and keeps on top of the household. I still get snippy sometimes but hormones and boob pains can make me cranky. Thankfully our relationship has always been strong and we've learned early on that we need time, space, and acknowledgment of when either of us is wrong. Never be afraid to apologize.
I needed this.. baby is coming ANY DAY NOW...and my husband is AMAZING. I'm so so blessed with him. I'm glad I know this now instead of resenting him later.
Yess I'm so glad you made a video about this. We're just completing our first year with our son and JUST finally on the same page with care giving and household stuff. But I needed to hear that you were angry too, cause girl I spent the first 6 months so mad at my amazing husband. He was working, cleaning, cooking, SLEEPING, and I was dying lol. "He's so selfish, why isn't he doing MORE? Why isn't it 50/50? I never get a break." And he did struggle with giving up his time, and he did blink at me when I asked for breaks, it was an adjustment! But I was so mad about it, and I realize that was the hormones cause it just went away. He's stepped up so much as a dad and partner, and I've been feeling guilty over all the anger I flung at him early on. "Next time I want to be the dad!" Ugh. It helps so much to know the anger wasn't just me being a jerk, and I'm not alone.
@@jconnolly4711 I told him about this video and we laughed about how hard it all was for the longest time. People say it gets better, but it's hard to feel it cause you're just like how?? Lots of communication and reminding yourself that we're on the same team. It's so hard. Wishing you the best.
I feel you! I was so angry, too, because it felt like I had to do everything 24/7. The constant stress and worry gnawed at me and I felt like a different person. But then, in the toddler age, it became really 50:50 and I had free time and felt happy and like myself again. I (re)gained so much respect and appreciation for my partner being an independent parent. So, hold on mommas, the start is rough but it continously gets better.❤
My husband told EVERYONE how much he was going to help at night. After 5 weeks he moved into the guest room so he wouldn't have to help at night. Baby is 8 months now and he helps a lot and i am kind of glad i have the bed to myself because it facilitated me being able to bedshare. Took a while and it's still not 50/50, but I don't resent him anymore.
I have a 3 month old and a 1 yr old. And my significant other and myself both have full time jobs at Amazon. We have switched schedules where on my days off I watch the kids and on his days off he watches the kids. But only on Wednesday’s i sleep for like 4 hrs after a 12 hr shift and have to immediately take care of the kids while my boyfriend gets sleep for work. (We both work over nights and our schedules over lap on Wednesday) It is… incredibly exhausting. I am currently struggling with work place discrimination for having a baby and then coming home to take care of my babies and dealing with a significant other for whom does not sympathize with my struggles is so exhausting.
Yes! I go back and forth being angry and resentful of my spouse. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing everything, which is so not true! But my tired mom brain lies to me and says I'm doing it all and he's doing nothing. 🤦🏻♀️ Parenthood is so hard but if you remind yourself daily of how blessed you are to raise and love children, it's helpful. Also, my postpartum self always freaked out about everything and my husband would insist I nap. It always helped.
Thank you for mentioning scream crying in the car seat. I seriously limited my travel as a result and I just felt so powerless. Got a mirror for him and that helped as he got older. ❤️
Thank you for this and for including same-sex couples! My wife and I have 9-month old twins. I was the birth parent and (almost) exclusively pump due to a variety of factors and working full-time. My wife is amazing, great about waking up to care for the twins, but the HORMONES. Oof! That part totally hit home for me! The difference between our abilities to just think has been unreal, especially within the first couple of months postpartum.
I love your videos! I’m a first time mum with a 4 month old, he’s amazing. I breastfeed exclusively and fell into bed sharing, I felt guilty and CZcamsd it and found your co-sleeping podcast. Omg our sleep is amazing now, I feel so much better. Sadly though CZcams started promoting awful videos about what happened to some women who bed shared😖 your channel is so positive thank you. I’m going through so much mum guilt about bed sharing now I don’t really know what to do
Yes, totally different the second time around! But it makes sense too when the first time, everyone is just learning how to do the thing. Love this video!
I know that all these videos are based on your own experiences and research but I watch them like you’re some genius celebrity. I’m always enthralled by the things you say and the way you say them because they’re SO. BASIC. but somehow they make so much more sense coming out of your mouth than coming out of my brain 😂 much love from NZ!
FTM with a 4 mo and these are so true especially the fact I’m her comfort and my husband just gets so frustrated when he’s trying to comfort her and just hands her over and she instantly settles. We do some bottles so I’m surprised it’s still not more 50/50
Thank you for this. My husband has been great but still I feel overwhelmed - and living abroad with family to support us has been super demanding on me. I’m happy to always readjust my expectations but boy oh boy… hearing this from someone else makes it so much easier!
THANK YOU! No one talks about this!!! Even though my husband is an angel, it stroke me so much (which actually was obvious all along) that he can’t breastfeed. A skill that apparently is essential to f..cking EVERYTHING concerning baby Forwarding this video to all my mama girlfriends
I love youuuu! Thank you! Hubs and I fought so much about this with our oldest. We nursed for 24 months. New baby + Covid was a shit show, but we prevailed. JUST had our second on 12/3. And we say “baby blob” too. 😂❤
My baby girl is 7mo too! It’s incredibly hard to share the same baby, but not the same experience with your partner. Feels like it takes constant forgiveness for stuff that’s not their fault and knowing that they wish they could have that same connection with your baby. My husband is amazing too and we’ve tried to make it even in the ways that make sense to us. In the newborn stage he would wake up to change her and I would feed her. Then he would be with her in the mornings so I could sleep. He was also in charge of all of our meals, shopping, cooking, etc. Even if you’re breastfeeding you can introduce a bottle if you want to do you have a contingency plan and your partner can feed baby too. Now we take turns being the one in charge throughout the day (when we’re together) and the other person is the helper. while it’s still not 50/50 exactly, I know the connection with our baby that’s get is so special even if it comes with some extra work and less sleep.
needed to hear this sooooooo much! thank you !!! I couldn't figure out what is so bothering me until I saw that video. it was the expectation to do all 50:50 now when I get it, I can be more realistic and peaceful !
GURL! Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I are recovering from a very stressful time where we stopped night bottles cold turkey (because my daughter was refusing to nurse) and he tore his ATL. So suddenly he wasn't mobile, able to drive, to exercise our 2 yr old Australian Shepherd, or able to help feed baby and WOW! did it suddenly feel like I was doing everything... Now we're getting closer to the "normal" of a month ago, but I did have to recognize that he is working 8 hours a day to provide for us and handling all the insurance claims for some house repairs. That, despite limitations, he was and is giving his best. Thankful for partners like him who are trying their best to help!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and thoughts Shayla. You have been so encouraging for me as a FTM of 11 week old. With pregnancy birth and now as a mum it’s really given me confidence in some of the reflections and feelings I have had and to relax into parenting ❤
thanks so much for this video :) i love this perspective - at the end of the day it will all come out in the wash and we are designed to do different roles; this has reminded me to embracing it rather than resenting it and i’m sure we will all be much happier for it :) thanks shayla
watching this as I sent my husband outside with my almost 1-year-old (who refused to take his afternoon nap) to get some alone time for a minute... ahhhhh.
Hormonesssss! So true! My wife would solve stuff in 5 seconds that I was falling apart over for weeks. I got so upset about it & couldn’t figure out why she was “so much better at everything than me”. 😂 It’s hilarious in hindsight, but it seemed very serious to me at the time.
'are you kiiiiidding me, this baby's hungry again?!' my GOD I feel that so hard, my first is 4 months right now and I have that thought 20 times a day before I realise 'oh wait yeah my nips are his pacifier' It's so good to hear I'm not the only one who's thought like that 😂😂
Oh Shayla... I love you! I can relate to so many things in this video. And I burst out laughing because I breastfed my son for a year and it would also drive me crazy when my partner would hand me over my son saying "I think he's hungry"... And I used to have that feeling of "he can't be hungry again 😂"
Hubby works, I’m a sthm.. we both work, we are both tired, we both have responsibility. He can’t do a lot of things I have responsibility for and I can’t do his job so ya. Not equal sometimes but equal. Lol let’s just respect each others hard work. 😊 tell ur spouse thank u.
My husband to people who ask how are 3 month old is sleeping: Oh, it’s really good. At this point, I mean, I’ve learned to tune out the little noises, and only wake when he’s actually crying. 😊 Me, waking at every sound because of biology and every few hours putting a hand on a chest or a paci back in a mouth: 🙃🤡 We formula feed and honestly, I give incredible props to you and anyone else who exclusively breastfeeds, and especially no bottles. Like, my mental health just completely threw itself in the gutter with my experience and I stopped very early as a result, and just imagining that gives me anxiety. 😅 it’s awesome that you can do it, but it definitely does help the balance if you’re able to give even a bottle, but especially formula feeding because you also don’t have to pump. Anyway, loved this video! ❤
Parents thinking parenting is equal are deluded parents Grow up and be that parent for each stage of ur child’s life that he needs. That means mom (with the “feeding apparatus” so even the slow parents can catch on) are most of the baby’s universe for a couple yrs.
I'll accept the hormons thing. If they can make you feel sad etc they probably also can make you focus on a baby. Very usefull evoulutionary speaking. But there's a huge differnce between some love hormon is there in an over-sized way and throwes all other hormons of blanace and the resulting feelings can make your thinking slower when you are used to letting feelings have an impact on your thoghts what's a you problem and should never happen but
That's not diffrent instincts. That's a diffrent alteration of feeling-state that increases liklyhood of a babys survival and therefore has evoulutionary advantage.
That's like saying I don't react well when something triggers my own problems. I mean I don't but I have self controll and disengage. What's what you should do. Unless it's an emergency your partners jugmend can by definition not be as good as yours in terms of your values and person.
It is never meant to be 50/50 it’s all these branwashing expectations that the corporate world wants us to believe. We FEMALES give birth for a reason. period. 💙🥳 love your videos!
Definitely experiencing this right now. I have a 9 week old who cluster feeds and wow.. I feel like I do everything and nothing at the same time! Holding this baby easily for than 10 hours a day and constantly sitting to nurse her. I feel so blessed that my boyfriend does the house work, makes me food, and take care of our pets, but at the same time I see him sleeping at night and think, "lucky bastard" 🤣 I don't have time to pump with cluster feeds so I don't get to leave the house, then If I do I have to worry if she has enough milk and will I get back on time. Then I have separation anxiety and want to come home regardless if there's milk for her. I haven't slept more than 3 hours at a time since the day before I went into labor, the compounded sleep deprivation makes me feel totally useless even though my body is the most useful it's ever been. Exclusively breastfeeding is hard! but I know this is all a phase, and one day I might miss her needing me so much.
Sending you a hug. Cluster feeding is rough! When I felt trapped I would wear baby in my stretchy wrap and go for a short walk round the block or even down street and back. You got this! Cluster feeding isnt forever xx
Needed to hear this. I felt like I was doing it all. Because I was lol, but I didn’t have to worry about working, or going grocery shopping or running the errands. I just had to be home and be mom. Which I enjoyed, but I definitely missed doing the normal things or tasks that weren’t within my four walls. Currently working on that lol. Nonetheless, I had all of these expectations and this like false reality of “we’d be doing half and half.” Which he definitely helped and cared for our daughters, especially having Irish twins I always felt like I could have gotten more help. But it wasn’t until NOW that I have ny second that I understood my role and accepted that this is how it’s going to be for just a bit longer. Thank you Shayla.
This is so true! I started resting better when I moved the baby's bassinet to dad's side of the bed. He was supposed to wake me up if the baby needed fed, otherwise I was to sleep. This helped us as a couple.
The other division of labor we have is that my husband is in charge of the dishes and I am in charge of the laundry. I ask him to help with other chores, but I never ask him about the dishes. For a little while wanted to tell him how to do them correctly, but then I stopped myself. Just because he was not doing it the way I would do it, did not mean that it was wrong. The dishes are clean and I am not doing them!
👏👏👏
SO true. We had our third one week ago and I'm certain it's felt easier because our expectations are in the appropriate place. I was so bitter and emotional with our first. It gets better mommas!
Yes!!!
I have a disabled eight year old and I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. I'm super concerned with "how am I going to do this...." the babies father isn't my eight year Olds father but he is on a Christmas mission to fix her a play room and as he put it have an "absurd" amount of gifts lol he knows he has no clue about what the baby needs and won't be able to help much with her for a while so he's focused on getting the eight year old use to doing without mommy all the time it's amazing how much that parental instinct on both sides does exist because he realizes how he can help me and how he can't and Fortunately I am able to be a stay at home mom thank God because it really would be impossible with me working anyway you're so right about we just rise to the challenge
During pregnancy and in the year after, usually the mom brings sacrifices for the family, that the partner can't compensate for in the same timeframe. It is better to think about 50:50 over all the years of parenting. Parenting is many, many years of balancing caretaking with making money, career choices, free time and domestic work.
I needed this video one year ago. It’s taken me 15 months of my child’s life to finally realize the truth of everything you’re saying.
Current cultural norms in the US are pretty messed up.
Agreed
7:25 "Why do you have useless nipples" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for being hilarious and amazing!
Love that you made this video. I feel like a broken record on all your uploads but this is why modern feminism is so amazingly toxic to young women. I’m on lots of mommy groups for my kids (with moms who have other kids my kids age) and they are convinced it’s supposed to be 50/50 and obviously it isn’t and can’t be and so those moms are resentful towards their husbands. When you realize a partnership means that each person brings something different to the table and embrace what being a woman and mom means and that it’s different than men, you can be so much happier.
Thank you! Yes, even without kids in the equation, the best advice someone gave me before I got married was that marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100. And some days you or your partner may not be able to give their 100 so it'll be 120/80 or whatever. And keeping that in mind has helped to keep a good mindset when things are tough
I totally agree with you both!! 👏🏼
The mindset shift can make such a big difference in relationships and the culture of a household. It’s changed ours for the better for sure!
How do I boo this comment.
@@bleechrcreechrr exactly. If I give everything unselfishly to my husband and he does the same we both win. It’s not a contest and we don’t keep score. We just love and serve each other.
I was naive in thinking that this Parenthood thing was going to be a cake walk because I have such a wonderful caring and nurturing husband. But boy! Was it eye opening. We've probably snipped at each other more in the last month or two than we have in the entirety of our relationship. I constantly have to remind myself that he does his share and keeps on top of the household. I still get snippy sometimes but hormones and boob pains can make me cranky. Thankfully our relationship has always been strong and we've learned early on that we need time, space, and acknowledgment of when either of us is wrong. Never be afraid to apologize.
👏👏👏👏👏👏
I needed this.. baby is coming ANY DAY NOW...and my husband is AMAZING. I'm so so blessed with him. I'm glad I know this now instead of resenting him later.
Yess I'm so glad you made a video about this. We're just completing our first year with our son and JUST finally on the same page with care giving and household stuff. But I needed to hear that you were angry too, cause girl I spent the first 6 months so mad at my amazing husband. He was working, cleaning, cooking, SLEEPING, and I was dying lol. "He's so selfish, why isn't he doing MORE? Why isn't it 50/50? I never get a break." And he did struggle with giving up his time, and he did blink at me when I asked for breaks, it was an adjustment! But I was so mad about it, and I realize that was the hormones cause it just went away. He's stepped up so much as a dad and partner, and I've been feeling guilty over all the anger I flung at him early on. "Next time I want to be the dad!" Ugh. It helps so much to know the anger wasn't just me being a jerk, and I'm not alone.
Four months in this could be me talking.... so helpful to hear this!
@@jconnolly4711 I told him about this video and we laughed about how hard it all was for the longest time. People say it gets better, but it's hard to feel it cause you're just like how?? Lots of communication and reminding yourself that we're on the same team. It's so hard. Wishing you the best.
I feel you! I was so angry, too, because it felt like I had to do everything 24/7. The constant stress and worry gnawed at me and I felt like a different person.
But then, in the toddler age, it became really 50:50 and I had free time and felt happy and like myself again. I (re)gained so much respect and appreciation for my partner being an independent parent.
So, hold on mommas, the start is rough but it continously gets better.❤
My husband told EVERYONE how much he was going to help at night. After 5 weeks he moved into the guest room so he wouldn't have to help at night. Baby is 8 months now and he helps a lot and i am kind of glad i have the bed to myself because it facilitated me being able to bedshare. Took a while and it's still not 50/50, but I don't resent him anymore.
I have a 3 month old and a 1 yr old. And my significant other and myself both have full time jobs at Amazon. We have switched schedules where on my days off I watch the kids and on his days off he watches the kids. But only on Wednesday’s i sleep for like 4 hrs after a 12 hr shift and have to immediately take care of the kids while my boyfriend gets sleep for work. (We both work over nights and our schedules over lap on Wednesday) It is… incredibly exhausting. I am currently struggling with work place discrimination for having a baby and then coming home to take care of my babies and dealing with a significant other for whom does not sympathize with my struggles is so exhausting.
Yes! I go back and forth being angry and resentful of my spouse. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing everything, which is so not true! But my tired mom brain lies to me and says I'm doing it all and he's doing nothing. 🤦🏻♀️ Parenthood is so hard but if you remind yourself daily of how blessed you are to raise and love children, it's helpful.
Also, my postpartum self always freaked out about everything and my husband would insist I nap. It always helped.
Thank you for mentioning scream crying in the car seat. I seriously limited my travel as a result and I just felt so powerless. Got a mirror for him and that helped as he got older. ❤️
Thank you for this and for including same-sex couples! My wife and I have 9-month old twins. I was the birth parent and (almost) exclusively pump due to a variety of factors and working full-time. My wife is amazing, great about waking up to care for the twins, but the HORMONES. Oof! That part totally hit home for me! The difference between our abilities to just think has been unreal, especially within the first couple of months postpartum.
Right!!! It’s so crazy! But we’re lucky to have the level head of our partners!
Due baby 2 in 4 months and have been following you since travel days! You always seem to know what I need to hear. Thankyou. X
I love your videos! I’m a first time mum with a 4 month old, he’s amazing. I breastfeed exclusively and fell into bed sharing, I felt guilty and CZcamsd it and found your co-sleeping podcast. Omg our sleep is amazing now, I feel so much better. Sadly though CZcams started promoting awful videos about what happened to some women who bed shared😖 your channel is so positive thank you. I’m going through so much mum guilt about bed sharing now I don’t really know what to do
Yes, totally different the second time around! But it makes sense too when the first time, everyone is just learning how to do the thing. Love this video!
Hahaha no kidding
We bottle feed and finally realized that on the weekend we can take turns sleeping in. Game changer.
I know that all these videos are based on your own experiences and research but I watch them like you’re some genius celebrity. I’m always enthralled by the things you say and the way you say them because they’re SO. BASIC. but somehow they make so much more sense coming out of your mouth than coming out of my brain 😂 much love from NZ!
Hahaha sometimes you just need to know other ppl have the same thoughts lol
FTM with a 4 mo and these are so true especially the fact I’m her comfort and my husband just gets so frustrated when he’s trying to comfort her and just hands her over and she instantly settles. We do some bottles so I’m surprised it’s still not more 50/50
This is the opposite for me. If she's SUPER upset it's Daddy and no one else that can fix it. And i just sit there with her like "wtf do I do?"
Thank you for this. My husband has been great but still I feel overwhelmed - and living abroad with family to support us has been super demanding on me. I’m happy to always readjust my expectations but boy oh boy… hearing this from someone else makes it so much easier!
Oh! Also: your cosleeping podcast: game changer, life saver! You absolutely nailed that one! 🎉
Yay!!!!!!
THANK YOU! No one talks about this!!! Even though my husband is an angel, it stroke me so much (which actually was obvious all along) that he can’t breastfeed. A skill that apparently is essential to f..cking EVERYTHING concerning baby
Forwarding this video to all my mama girlfriends
Love this. Expecting my 1st in a few months. This is so good for me to keep in mind. Will probably refer back to this when the time comes haha😂
I love youuuu! Thank you! Hubs and I fought so much about this with our oldest. We nursed for 24 months. New baby + Covid was a shit show, but we prevailed. JUST had our second on 12/3. And we say “baby blob” too. 😂❤
My baby girl is 7mo too! It’s incredibly hard to share the same baby, but not the same experience with your partner. Feels like it takes constant forgiveness for stuff that’s not their fault and knowing that they wish they could have that same connection with your baby.
My husband is amazing too and we’ve tried to make it even in the ways that make sense to us.
In the newborn stage he would wake up to change her and I would feed her. Then he would be with her in the mornings so I could sleep. He was also in charge of all of our meals, shopping, cooking, etc.
Even if you’re breastfeeding you can introduce a bottle if you want to do you have a contingency plan and your partner can feed baby too.
Now we take turns being the one in charge throughout the day (when we’re together) and the other person is the helper. while it’s still not 50/50 exactly, I know the connection with our baby that’s get is so special even if it comes with some extra work and less sleep.
needed to hear this sooooooo much! thank you !!!
I couldn't figure out what is so bothering me until I saw that video. it was the expectation to do all 50:50
now when I get it, I can be more realistic and peaceful !
GURL! Thank you for sharing this! My husband and I are recovering from a very stressful time where we stopped night bottles cold turkey (because my daughter was refusing to nurse) and he tore his ATL. So suddenly he wasn't mobile, able to drive, to exercise our 2 yr old Australian Shepherd, or able to help feed baby and WOW! did it suddenly feel like I was doing everything...
Now we're getting closer to the "normal" of a month ago, but I did have to recognize that he is working 8 hours a day to provide for us and handling all the insurance claims for some house repairs. That, despite limitations, he was and is giving his best. Thankful for partners like him who are trying their best to help!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience and thoughts Shayla. You have been so encouraging for me as a FTM of 11 week old. With pregnancy birth and now as a mum it’s really given me confidence in some of the reflections and feelings I have had and to relax into parenting ❤
I needed this video. I'm 9wks PP with my first, his 4th. I was getting mad he had more to do with the other kids than ours
thanks so much for this video :) i love this perspective - at the end of the day it will all come out in the wash and we are designed to do different roles; this has reminded me to embracing it rather than resenting it and i’m sure we will all be much happier for it :) thanks shayla
watching this as I sent my husband outside with my almost 1-year-old (who refused to take his afternoon nap) to get some alone time for a minute... ahhhhh.
Hormonesssss! So true! My wife would solve stuff in 5 seconds that I was falling apart over for weeks. I got so upset about it & couldn’t figure out why she was “so much better at everything than me”. 😂 It’s hilarious in hindsight, but it seemed very serious to me at the time.
Bahahaha amazing
'are you kiiiiidding me, this baby's hungry again?!' my GOD I feel that so hard, my first is 4 months right now and I have that thought 20 times a day before I realise 'oh wait yeah my nips are his pacifier'
It's so good to hear I'm not the only one who's thought like that 😂😂
Oh Shayla... I love you! I can relate to so many things in this video. And I burst out laughing because I breastfed my son for a year and it would also drive me crazy when my partner would hand me over my son saying "I think he's hungry"... And I used to have that feeling of "he can't be hungry again 😂"
Expecting my first in a month or so and I'm quite nervous about everyttthiing but I'm truly appreciative of your videos ❤️
Wish I had this when I had my first! Just had my second and I’m so better adjusted now
Hubby works, I’m a sthm.. we both work, we are both tired, we both have responsibility. He can’t do a lot of things I have responsibility for and I can’t do his job so ya. Not equal sometimes but equal. Lol let’s just respect each others hard work. 😊 tell ur spouse thank u.
My husband to people who ask how are 3 month old is sleeping: Oh, it’s really good. At this point, I mean, I’ve learned to tune out the little noises, and only wake when he’s actually crying. 😊
Me, waking at every sound because of biology and every few hours putting a hand on a chest or a paci back in a mouth: 🙃🤡
We formula feed and honestly, I give incredible props to you and anyone else who exclusively breastfeeds, and especially no bottles. Like, my mental health just completely threw itself in the gutter with my experience and I stopped very early as a result, and just imagining that gives me anxiety. 😅 it’s awesome that you can do it, but it definitely does help the balance if you’re able to give even a bottle, but especially formula feeding because you also don’t have to pump. Anyway, loved this video! ❤
Totally I envy formula feeders sometimes for this reason 😵💫😂🙌
Love love love this 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
You should watch a documentary called "Fair Play".
Beautiful mama! 🎊 🎉
She also has a 2 year old, for any new viewers.
In what countries do they not use diapers? I want to research about this. Sounds really neat.
Parents thinking parenting is equal are deluded parents
Grow up and be that parent for each stage of ur child’s life that he needs. That means mom (with the “feeding apparatus” so even the slow parents can catch on) are most of the baby’s universe for a couple yrs.
Okayy, No.
I'll accept the hormons thing. If they can make you feel sad etc they probably also can make you focus on a baby. Very usefull evoulutionary speaking.
But there's a huge differnce between some love hormon is there in an over-sized way and throwes all other hormons of blanace and the resulting feelings can make your thinking slower when you are used to letting feelings have an impact on your thoghts what's a you problem and should never happen but
That's not diffrent instincts. That's a diffrent alteration of feeling-state that increases liklyhood of a babys survival and therefore has evoulutionary advantage.
And sleep deprivation can really hurt some ppl. If you feel highly emotional and react badly to sleep deprivation then you will not think well
That's like saying I don't react well when something triggers my own problems. I mean I don't but I have self controll and disengage. What's what you should do. Unless it's an emergency your partners jugmend can by definition not be as good as yours in terms of your values and person.
I mean no. Strive for 50/50 the moment you both work. Anything else is not acceptable
It is never meant to be 50/50
it’s all these branwashing expectations that the corporate world
wants
us to believe. We FEMALES give birth for a reason. period. 💙🥳
love your
videos!
Paaaaah REECH it!