My Daughter Is Manipulative and Ungrateful
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- čas přidán 3. 08. 2024
- My Daughter Is Manipulative and Ungrateful
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The monster grows when you feed it, and when you starve it, it gets angry .
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Ouch
So true! That’s why I removed my grown up son from my home from my home for being manipulative and ungrateful- I still love him but I am holding onto my heart so he can learn..but if he’s really lost in the dark that he can’t find his way back, only then I’ll get a search light to find him because that’s what good fathers do..if he comes back it will be with very strict boundaries and counselling 🙏🙏
Then it lashed out and kills your. Don't piss off monsters.
It rubs the lotion on its body.
I've seen parents do almost everything right, and their kids turn our horrible. I've seen parents do almost everything wrong, and seen their kids turn into amazing human beings. You have an impact on your kids, but ultimately it is their choice to be the person they want to be.
So true!!!
You don’t see what happens behind the scenes. Also, some parents have a public image. Like some domestic violence people publicly are sweet to every person they know but when they go home at night.
Did they do everything thing right or just throw money at their kids? I don't know about that...
@@flowersforme375 I was speaking of personal situations where I was regularly behind the scenes. Obviously, I wasn't privy to everything, but I feel confident making an informed assessment of what those kids were experiencing on a day to day basis.
Wrong.
My daughter stopped going to classes in high school and started sleeping in while asking me for money. I put my foot down and had her get herself a job and find an apartment or life was going to be pretty miserable with me at home as I refused to accept her laziness. She started working full time at McDonald's (not a fun job) and got moved into a one-bedroom apartment. My ex-husband helped out with some furniture. She thought she was one independent gal. Until the first paycheck came in. She had paid her rent and bills but when she realized she only had $300 left over for food, clothing, and transportation, she called me upset wondering how she was supposed to live off so little. I know I was hard but I said, "Welcome to the real world. If you want a lifestyle like I know you want, you'd better get yourself a job/career that pays for it." She took those words to heart.
She managed to take some night classes to finish high school and eventually went on to law school, most of which she had to pay herself. Now she's 42, married with 2 small children and a wonderful husband. She has a great job, and is living the way she had imagined.
We don't do our kids any favors by coddling them because real life isn't going to coddle them, for sure.
This was the best, my mother somewhat did the same. Definitely put the fire under my ass I’ll tell you, I respect the way you handled it 💯
You’re a great mom ❤ wow.
That’s great parenting! My mum did the same. I knew there was no help coming. Life was hard for a few years but now I have an awesome career, a comfortable life and a great partner. I’m about to become a mum myself and I intend to instil the same ethic in my kid. Which will be more difficult now as we are in the top 1%. But they certainly won’t be handed a free ticket to life.
I wish you could talk to my fiancee about her adult baby that still lives at home.
Gets upset that she has to wash dishes and pay 400 bucks a month for rent 😂
I have always said that by not allowing our children to feel the pain of failing, we rob them of the joy they will feel when they succeed.
We must get them ready for the world.
On the other end it's important to celebrate wins too. I got punished for mistakes and we never celebrated the good stuff - the "reward was having done it at all". A piece of candy or a day off would have gone a long way for me.
I burned out. I was scared of mistakes, and I felt no reason to try so I gave up.
Eventually I made friends who taught me to celebrate when stuff goes well, and to take mistakes in stride. Now I'm very successful, but more importantly, happy!
Idk, I'm very grateful for everything I have, everything that's been given to me, and all my success, before experiencing failing. If parents raise children right, they know value of things.
It's hard to believe how difficult it is for parents to grasp the notion that they had some influence over how their kids turned out
not some, but MAJOR, THE BIGGEST, LIKE NO ONE ELSE AND NOTHING ELSE influence
I think it's also hard for many good and caring parents to grasp that they are not responsible for every problem their child has
@@Paul24591yeah, you can only blame your parents so much. After that, you're choosing who you are. "Kids" need to start taking responsibility too.
@@anneshirley9560 Let me guess you're a lazy mother
@@anneshirley9560sometimes taking responsibility includes not dealing with people who struggle to take responsibility for their role in how things turn out… including ones parents.
There’s no easy answer to messed up parent-child dynamics. But one thing tends to be clear, the parents came first and, as the older party with more power, influence and age, had control in the situation the longest.
A lot of parents expect things from their children that they didn’t model, including responsibility and maturity.
Coddling and enabling is the biggest disability you can put on your kids. Its so prevalent these days.
@@kdc3065 that's another flip side happening too. Short of substance abuse and mental illness parents are leaving their kids with other family members to raise. It could be considered enabling.
I had the opposite and have a disability and was not help by my parents or teachers . Useless adults !
The best way to love someone is to hold them accountable and give them boundaries.
Yep! My parents and grandparents did this with me. The world is tough and I still remember what they taught me.
I agree !
Yep. Even when it’s hard. Even when it feels almost impossible.
This really is proof that coddling kids actually harms them. But this Mom has the self awareness so
That’s good.
And admitting she has responsibility. So mature!
@@AnOriginalCZcamsrdoesn't matter if the damage is already done
@@dakotasikes6690It isn't too late.
@@The-Oneness11 I agree. I don’t think it’s ever too late but what I’ve experienced, Oh how drama and histrionics amp up the longer you wait!
Yes She has the smarts and awareness to right this ship, for her daughter's benefit and her own. Hope she does it, right now.
My mother told me that, “You’re not raising children, you’re raising adults.” It’s a parent’s job to prepare a child to live in the world and take responsibility for their own lives….
Dont expect them to thank you for it though. Not for a long long time.
Montessori method: "never do for a child what he can do for himself." It starts at age one or two. If you always say yes, s/he will never develop initiative, and you will have successfully permanently crippled your child.
I never knew this was a Montessori method, but I am thankful this was intuitive for me as a mom of a 7-year-old and a 3-year-old.
Yes. Allow your children to make decisions for themselves, even if it means making mistakes (that aren't detrimental) that way they learn to make good decisions as an adult.
Oh man, my one brother was the golden child, the favourite, so he was allowed to do whatever he wanted and was never punished. He'd throw highschool parties and trash the house, drink my parents alcohol, get suspended constantly for beating up kids, would beat the crap out of me for the slightest offence (and I'm a tiny, disabled female), would punch holes in the walls, shoot the BB gun all over the house and shoot kids with it. He was a nightmare child. Coddling is not good! Wake up!!! You know how he turned his life around? Kicked the wrong guy's truck and nearly got killed. Went through the legal system. FINALLY faced some consequences.
I love how his accent picks up on this call.
I never taught my daughter how to do work, take care of herself or set boundaries. Now shes suffering the consequences of my poor parenting. My husband is a spineless noodle and never helped either.
How do I help my daughter learn all the things i never taught her?
There, I rephrased it for you.
The mother’s self esteem must’ve benefited from being the superhero rescuer for her daughter. The daughter was trained by the mother to depend on her. The daughter is playing her role as it was taught to her. The work of Salvador Minuchin and Murray Bowen should really be a mandatory class in high school.
@@jwhite5396 I'm not familiar with either of those psychologists outside of the wiki article I just read. So glad you mentioned them. Ive studied some frued, young, Maslow, etc but hadnt gotten much into family dynamics, yet. It would be nice if psychology was mandatory in school however, kids are overloaded with learning as it is. What could it replace?
I agree her mom was benefiting, or should we say feeding, off her daughter. Her poor kid is now probably working herself into a state of learned helplessness. The best thing her mom could do is get her some trauma based therapy.
I work at a public school. One little girl would get mad about something and throw things at her mother! She also hit her mother with the car door! The mother would shrink in her presence. And the mother would always make excuses for her. This kid is only 9 years old. 5 or 6 years from now, this is going to blow up in this mother's life.
That sounds like that mom has been abused before. That's how she learned to deal with conflict, because the alternative could be deadly.
Possibly the little girl learned this behavior from dad. Kids don't learn that behaviour in a vacuum. @@user-kp6wo1ku8b
So cute hearting John connect with someone who was clearly a mentor to him. ❤
Nah just shows me that john still rambles and is bad at getting to the point
This is a good mom here folks. Saw an issues, said I'mma fix this, and had the humility to ask for some help.
No, she has a dependent adult child..
I had a son around 33 years old and lived 2 states away from me and he was in a relationship. Maybe 2-3 times a year he would call to borrow (never paid back) money.Most or all of those times under $1,000. Finally I told him I could not do it any more, I had to look after myself. A few months after that he was in the middle of USA trying to get a job and called me asking for money to get home....I told him no. I don't know how he got home and did not know if he'd ever speak to me and I felt bad all night. But that was the best thing I ever did, he has never asked for money and that has been over 20 years ago.
💯🙌
💯🙌
The best thing you can do for a child is to teach them how to not be one before they turn 18.
Yes!
John had a very nice way of saying “cut her off”🤣
No kid ever died from the word no but never hearing it sure could give a kid some nessed up ideas !
Theres a difference between loving your kids and setting them up for a false reality. Life is hard, and your kids have to know that as they continue to grow.
As a child who experienced being raised that way, when we do finally get thrown into the real world - it’s world shattering tbh I wasn’t prepared for so much and basically just shut down. Finally grasping how reality actually is and what qualities are needed to not only survive but be able to enjoy the life you have. I appreciate how my parents tried to Protect me but it set me up to be an easy target once I was out on my own in many ways.
My husband’s mom did everything for him. She never taught him to be independent and she made excuses for his poor behavior. He got whatever he wanted and when he talked back to her, she let it go. When he treated her like garbage, she let it go. When he retaliated and was defiant, she made excuses for him and worked around him. When we moved in together, he did nothing. NOTHING. If I ever questioned him, he snapped at me and threw a *literal* tantrum. If I asked him to help me with something, he, again, threw a tantrum. He started hiding things from me, spiraled us into a bottomless pit of debt and was abusive. He started breaking things in our home and leaving holes in the walls and would threatened to *unalive* himself if I didn’t give him what he wanted. For the first five years of our relationship, I had to be his mother and break him of his garbage behavior and habits. We almost lost our house not once, but twice, and we are still paying off credit card debt. I’ve stayed with him through it all, but why I’m saying this is because I want mother’s to understand that your coddling tendencies will create a reckless, careless and apathetic adult. Period. You need to give your kid a backbone and make them independent. Stop giving them everything they want and stop making excuses for their crap behavior.
Seems like you're an enabler as well.
Yes! Shout this from the rooftops! You are an amazing woman to stick with any person through all of that! I might’ve unalived him. 😅😂
God bless you ❤
Why did you not leave him? You're not a hero for staying. Stop making excuses for his crap behavior.
I hope it was worth it to go through all of that 😩
My parents laid back way of parenting (borderline negligent) has wrecked havoc on my relationships with my siblings. As adults, we still can’t figure out how to get along because there was never a real sense of order or justice. So yeah, gentle parenting is not kind or loving.
There's a difference between gentle and negligent.
Came to say that. Gentle parenting is not lazy parenting. Its harder
How could anyone say the calls are staged now! Glad we got this one in there to cement the authenticity ....
Amazed by Dr Delony’s humility and sharing vulnerability with us.
@@barbara4329lol what’s funny is if you actually listen to John most of the time his admin back then and now producer (Kelly) are more important and run his life. John is the most humble guy so much so he always jokes that Kelly is his mom or babysitter! In Delony’s eyes I honestly don’t think he thinks any job is higher. Obviously, I don’t know him personally but I have met him and he is extremely kind and down to earth.
@@barbara4329I think you ate totally off base with your comment.
Dr. John is giving this caller accolades for keeping him together in his high anxiety years, and with keeping a tight leash on the mentality he need to succeed in his job, and only while doing that did she also succeed in her position as his "handler", not that she was only employed because of him. I think you need to listen to the call again and see the humor in his and Tracy's interactions.
John is the kind of guy you want to have on your team
I'd tell her "Honey, you will figure it out." You will be giving her a gift. You will be giving yourself a gift too. That comment is short, sweet and concise. It puts it all back in her lap in a positive way.
She may need a career counselor or someone who can guide her in the right direction. She should not wait and the daughter needs to take matters into her own hands.
The thing is that what mom has done so far hasn't done the daughter any favors.
Sometimes kids just turn out different with the same parents
27 is a bit late Tracy. We stopped helping financially after college. They knew they had to get a job and provide for themselves. She went too long. Tough love mama. No more money. She will feel better about herself when she succeeds on her own
I am blown away by how closely this aligns with my own 27yo daughter. I nodded my head with 95% of what Tracy said, my goodness. I set boundaries about a month ago, which made me wildly anxious and worried that it would harm our relationship. I’m so thrilled with the positive impact it made on our relationship and it was quicker and more effective than I could have dreamed. She even told me that it was good for her. I wanted to be a soft spot to land and went overboard into being an enabling doormat. It’s human nature to take every bit of rope someone gives if you don’t keep it in check. We are both better people due to me taking that scary leap and sticking to it. There are times when help isn’t help and I had absolutely put us both in that situation. Adult kids and money are a recipe for disaster, and I learned the hard and expensive way. After I opened that door she took advantage of it and got manipulative to gain more. It put her in a position of having little confidence, feeling as if she wasn’t capable of doing anything without assistance. That put a weird control dynamic into our relationship and we both have control issues. I’m not controlling of people but do try to control situations to make everything easier on everyone to my own detriment. I’m working hard on letting go of control I simply cannot have because life does what life does. There are a lot of layers to pull back but we are both putting effort into fixing this. We are both good people that let it get out of hand and decided together to reel it in. I traveled a total of 19 hours to do it in person and I think that made a huge difference as well. We put our lives on hold and spent a week together and had a mix of heavy and light mom/daughter time. It was wonderful. ❤
Tracy’s story is so close to mine that it made my jaw drop!
You sound like an amazing, Loving person. Your daughter is blessed to have you. ❤
"It put her in a position of having little confidence, feeling as if she wasn’t capable of doing anything without assistance."
^ I agree 100% that this is why parents shouldn't shelter their children from real-life adult challenges
@@lalakuma9 I have my resentments towards my mother but the one thing I will always be owe to her was that she installed self reliance early from a young age. At 7 was expected to learn to do basic things such as wake myself up for school, dress myself, walk to and fro from school, wash my clothes, and make a simple lunch for myself. Many people view this as neglectful I am the caller's daughters age, and self reliance is not something you develop in a year, it is a gradual process. It's hard to instill the confidence that you can survive outside the safety of the family home if you've never been expected to do for yourself.
That’s awesome you guys are working on positive change. My uncle did that with my cousin and never made the change. My cousin lived a horrible irresponsible life. He never grew up.
@@shelbysycamore637 The funny thing is that was how she was raised. All her life she was taught to clean, cook, do laundry, care for pets, home repair, how to do paperwork, etc. She’s very independent and one of the hardest workers I know. We were very poor for so long and all I can figure is that I didn’t want her to experience financial difficulties. At her first signs of money trouble I opened my wallet and it just never closed. I consider our many poor years some of the best of our family life and the ones that taught us the most. When I really think about it, I didn’t allow her to have an essential part of life…to learn how to get yourself out of a jam and to be resourceful. It is now clear between the both of us that the only time we will help financially is in a medical emergency, and there has to be proof. I most certainly overcorrected and just as in a car, it crashed.
Unless she fell on her head as an adult and her personality completely changed from then on, the answer is Yes!
Being the youngest with a gap like that is harder than most get. When everyone moves on we feel abandoned, and it’s typical that parents take a step back on really teaching kids how to persevere. I still struggle with it daily, and my family dynamic is rough, it makes things really difficult.
Yes I wholeheartedly agree with you! I have a brother who’s more than 10 years younger than me, he’s a teenager now and both my sister and I are grown adults with families etc. he grew up essentially as an only child and there was a HUGE difference in how my parents raised us vs how they are raising him…. Definitely challenging as an adult sibling to watch because I see the problems with my parents parenting styles that contribute to many issues they are having but I have to remember I am not his mom although sometimes I feel more like a mother figure than a sibling. It’s a tough dynamic for sure
I’m one of those younger kids, with older siblings. Maybe I’m not exactly like you or this girl but there’s nothing I despise more than being underestimated like this by everyone. You guys were probably messes as teenagers too, but you didn’t have older siblings breathing down your every decision and failure. Siblings like you forget the terrors you were to your parents before the youngest came along, but we become the scapegoat for all the bad parenting and failures of everyone else. We mess up and are normal kids and we become the symbol of all that’s wrong with the family, when we are just existing. Do your younger sibling a favor and leave them the hell alone to figure it out and let them be the kids you got to be.
@@cameronreeder9609 I think you are projecting your family situation onto others, I’m sorry you have that tough family dynamic as a much younger sibling. My comment had little to do with a lack of me comparing my teenage brothers behavior to that of mine. Of course as teens we all made mistakes, acted out, failed at things etc. my parents divorced after my sister and I were about to go to college so my brother has grown up with divorced parents and a pretty toxic family dynamic where both parents feed off drama and use their child as a pawn and constantly making him feel guilty etc. my comment was more about my parents not parenting in a great way, and me being able to do very little about it, my sister and I didn’t see that side of them growing up because they were seemingly happily married so essentially my younger sibling has had a completely different life experience so far than we did, making it hard sometimes to relate which causes other issues etc.
@@cameronreeder9609 I’m the youngest….
Yep! I am the youngest with a large gap and was the only child who experienced my parents divorce and some other major family traumas as a child. It was a hard, painful childhood that my siblings won’t get. I went through all the same trauma they went through as adults as a 9-17 year old completely alone. I feel completely disconnected from my family as they had totally different lives than me.
I would be mortified asking my parents for money for help. Idk how some adults can just live life under their parents.
They were raised to think this was normal and they have never been tasked to do for themselves as a child unfortunately.
Have you all noticed how many grandparents raise their grandkids these days because they failed to remove their grown adult children from the t!t early on?
I tell my kids all the time (once this morning) that after I’ve invested everything I have into them by being present that I will NOT be raising their kiddos. I told them that I’d take their future kids for a day out or a night in ((occasionally)) but I will not be babysitter grandma 7 days a week or mama grandma as long as they are alive and functioning.
I’m 29 and a lot of my peers don’t raise their kids because partying is priority. Then they act like their parents enjoy it. They don’t enjoy it everyday but they say that it’s fine so their irresponsible adult children don’t pawn the kids off with random people. The adult children know damn well they are taking advantage of their parents but they don’t care.
@@seadragon1456 I'm 26, a good amount of my classmates growing up were raised by their grandmothers.
The old saying goes : Raise your children, spoil your grandchildren. Spoil your children, raise your grandchildren for a reason.
Because a lot are undiagnosed with conditions like autism. I have it and didn't find out until I was 32 and figured out for myself. My parents are also autistic and couldn't help me properly. I don't want kids and life would be a hellish punishment for them.
@@seadragon1456Then when self aware people with disability say they can't possibly have kids they are chastised for being "selfish".
I was just going to quote Henry Cloud . Her story is the definition of codependency.
Don’t raise children, that you won’t like
I'm not Tracy's daughter, but I am very captivated by the title because I too see myself as manipulative and ungrateful 😅😅
Please know that is annoying to others around you.
Acknowledging it is the first step. Now consciously control it. Then, when you slip up, own it, and apologize and do better next time.
I’m old enough to be Tracey’s daughter (29) and I’ve been married 10 years with three small children of my own. It has got to be embarrassing to be mid 20s PLUS and still be codependent on parents while able bodied enough to live life without assistance. Whoa!😬
It’s hard for me to wrap my head around how coddled 20 somethings are these days.
@@seadragon1456some people do have hidden disabilities. I have hidden disabilities and couldn't have children and still require help from my family. We shouldn't be so judgemental of people who struggle. They could have an undiagnosed learning disability that affects them in multiple ways.
You are brave and strong to admit it. Now you can start to change yourself and become a decent, valuable human being who will be loved by all. But, it's your work to do, not anyone else's.
The number of times I've had to parent grown-ups in my life 🤦♀️
Best call I've ever heard on this show. I hope it goes well for her. I have a 27 year old daughter too. This sweet lady knows she's in for a rough patch for a while.
This Lady seems to be true gold!🥰
I live in upper middle class suburbia
I can tell you......these christian parents aren't teaching their kids to be moral, they're teaching them to take what you want and pray for forgiveness......after you get it
I'm glad I was raised poor because I'm very appreciative in everything I get and I try to teach my kids humility
Luckily, not all Christians are like that. In some ways I became Christian despite other people who called themselves Christian around me. A relationship with God was more important than their hoity toity attitudes. I found many wonderful brothers and sisters after that, and one of my dearest friends is a believer. No matter what the belief system is, there are people raising unbelievably entitled brats, and that is a huge problem in our society. People have to hold themselves and one another genuinely and Lovingly accountable.
That's a good point.
I can tell you that across the board in all demographics, parents are not raising there kids to be good people. That is why America is such a crazy mess right now.
Not sure how this kind woman offended you. You don't know her life and how she grew up. You don't assume things about her just because you don't like the way she parents. Then you blame bad parenting on all Christians. Your opinions and your hate for others because they don't believe the way you believe.
What's up with the generalizations? I was raised in a Christian family and went to private school. Myself, siblings and cousins were all raised to work hard. Not spoiled at all.
She raised a spoiled brat and is now reaping the fruits...
Sounds to me like she's a Hoe!
I don't think her daughter is a brat, she was never raised to be an adult
@@shelbysycamore637Never raised to be an adult = Spoiled brat
@@shelbysycamore637 there are many adults that was raised properly that aren’t ungrateful. She’s a brat
My aunt had an only child and spoiled her. My cousin dropped out of high school and took off to Los Angeles. She became a stripper and had 2 kids with the strip club bouncer. My aunt left her job as a teacher to raise her grand babies. After having the kids my cousin became a bartender and is never around her kids unless it’s for an instagram photo…I am extremely strict with my kids and only give them what they need. I.E. Food, nice clothing, play dates, after school activities like sports & music lessons. I also correct them when they’re out of line. I make them clean up after themselves because chores never killed anyone.
Yes she was a major influence on her daughter’s behavior and is still an enabler, but at the same time, at a certain point people have to take responsibility for their own behavior. Obviously, we only got one side of the story, but it doesn’t seem like she was neglected or abused. She was just spoiled. (I’m not saying that you can’t get over neglect or abuse, I’m just trying to make a point that there are different degrees of life challenges.) we can only blame parents or others so much. At the end of the day, the only person whose actions we can control is ourself.
Spoiling a child to the extent that they don’t mature is a form of neglect.
Her choice to feel good and give her kid whatever she wanted, instead of raising her to be a responsible adult is now something her child is going to have to unlearn, which is not easy.
The mother was selfish to raise a child this way and both will suffer as a result of the mother’s decisions.
It’s not easy to unlearn the habits we were raised with, and the fact that the child has to learn to be an adult so late, is a sign her mother failed in her responsibilities to her offspring.
Do you want her to be a responsible adult or a manipulative child? Right she doesn't get a vote. She will contnue to be selfish and self centered. A dreadful way for an adult to be.
Believe me she’ll appreciate u even more because ur teaching her independence and will gain a better sense of self worth knowing she has the capability of attaining things on her own. She’ll appreciate these priceless lessons. Blessings, u sound like a very sweet lady. Hope ur doing well
you hold all the cards, when did parents forget that?
When they started to give their kids a trophy for participating and not earning it by winning
She probably has some underlying resentment that she can’t actualize as an adult due to her mom living for her. This is probably going to make their relationship far better. She needs to grow up. It’s actually a bit of the Oedipal nightmare, the witch in Hansel and Gretel.
She *can actualize as an adult. The thing is she chooses not to.
*She is the one coming back to Mom and Dad after something hasn’t worked out. It’s not Mom butting in, interfering, overriding alll options and determining the plan for her.. If she didn’t tell her parents, there was a need, they’d never know.
She is not the victim. At any point she can break free and fall (or rise) independent of her parents. This is her choice.
@@noble604 blah blah blah. It’s the Oedipal nightmare and both parties are at fault but only the daughter will suffer. Most of the moms who do this do it in purpose to some degree to keep the child a child.
Why the antagonistic spirit to demean? The point is this 27yo daughter is no longer a child. If this adult daughter would like to effectuate change in her life and break free from long held patterns within herfamily and restructure her own adult life, she can. If this daughter is perpetually falling and doesn’t have the skill set to recover, she has choices she can make not to continue the process and further involve her parents. This didn’t appear to be a scenario of a wicked mother putting the squeeze on the helpless child to ensure the helpless child had no other options than to rely on the poisoned beneficence of the parents. It simply sounded like a mother who could not say no, who could not deprive her now adult child of her help when failing and falling. These are two very different intents and scenarios and are to be recognized as such.
@@noble604 if you’ve never lived it or studied it then you sincerely don’t know the dynamic you are talking about. Oedipal mothers always seem sweet and open but they create the codependency from the birth of the child. It’s very much not that easy nor simple as you describe. The “blah blah blah” is not to demean but that’s what it sounds like to people who actually understand this dynamic. The mothers’ narcissism in these situations is covert. It’s absolutely real, and as with any form of abuse, it calls other people like yourself in to defend the perpetrator. As in “why doesn’t the bartered wife just leave” type thinking. It’s a dynamic. People like you are called the “flying monkeys” of the narcissist. The way Daloney is gushing over her, he’s probably a flying monkey too. Most likely this woman is a classic Oedipal nightmare mother. Read about the dynamic. Actually know what you’re talking about. Then you would not feel demeaned. I happen to actually understand the topic
I’m over here taking notes. This is crazy insightful. 🤩🤩🤩🤩 I need boundaries and they need problems. ✅
I watched a basketball talk show host once mention he had to learn to do laundry in college as if that is normal...that is sad and pathetic if this is what is supposed to be normal.
When you coddle a child, you actually tell them that they're not good, that they're incapable, that every minor setback is a defeat. They grow up without a sense of achievement, and therefore they realize that notion every day.
I don't think it's about life being tough, it's about effort a good life being the product of bettering ourselves.
Man it's kinda similar when you get stuck in depression for many years. I was depressed for over 10 years basically. And after some years I lost all pride in myself, and I got into learned helplessness mode. My immediate thought was "I can't do it". I never believed in myself. I had to struggle HARD to slowly get that confidence back. I'm 30 now and there's still a thing or two on my checklist that I should have learned a decade ago but that always got pushed back. I just have to believe in myself right? Last time I self sabotaged without even realizing it. I hope I don't do that this time... I'm gonna start doing the thing next week. And I know I'm gonna be stressed out and get all the bad thoughts about how I'm gonna fail, and that I shouldn't even try etc. And that's when I start to sabotage myself I think. Because I don't believe I can actually do it so why even try, why even bother give it my best? I just give halfassed effort that then results in a failure, it's just self fulfilling prophecy. I wanted to start over at 30 anyway. I'm like a fresh 18 year old that has to learn to fly on my own, without using my anxiety or depression or anything else as a crutch. I have to kick my crutches away and throw myself off the mountain to learn to fly. And that is the scary part.
THANK YOU TRACY!!!🎉❤😊
What a sweet lady 🥺🥺😩
Loved this call, from one of John’s personal friends! Great to see y’all reconnect.
you can lead a horse to water, you cannot make 'em drink.. not everything an young adult does is on their parents..
I would love a mama like Tracy♥️ I get that she coddled her daughter but she just seems so genuine and so loving.
Awh this was beautiful. The thankful clarity on parenting no one is perfect. And if you think you are ask your kids or family 😂
Thank youTracy this hits him with my 21 year old daughter
Sounds like the daughter is going through teen age rebellion very late. Let her go, she'll be fine mama.
I created a similar situation with my oldest, but now he (31) his girlfriend and their baby are living with us. He has just started working this week after 8 months unemployed. He is rude, disrespectful and entitled. I can’t bring myself to kick them out because the girlfriend is working her tail off to try to support them and I can’t put my grand baby out on the street and he knows it.
If she can’t get love from you, she’ll find an older man who will. At that point, you’ll hardly see her, until she needs to escape. She needs to find out what she’s really good at. Something she’d do even if she wasn’t paid for it. I think she needs a seminar, Dave Ramsey or Tony Robbins, but someone to light a fire under her. She’s essentially like an only child and if she doesn’t cling to you, she’ll go to a man.
I agree she needs skills and to be taught ways to implement them in the real world but not self help and Tony Robbins . Nooooo!
I have a daughter that came at a later time too. She is also ungrateful and entitled 😢
Title:
“I enabled everything, gave no discipline and wonder why my adult child walks over me”
She doesn't wonder. She hopes for a way out.
None of us a guaranteed tomorrow, I had to remind my wife that if anything happened to us, my stepsons would have to make it on their own. They would have to support their own families without our support. Fortunately, they both manned up and started developing independence. But we had to set our limits first.
That was
A M A Z I N G ! ! !❤
I left home and went of the Belfast to train as a nurse at the height of the troubles i came home for my 2 days off and at 20 married and took on a mortgage and still worked..night duty and all
No idea why my oldest daughter turned out the same way no matter how hard I tried
My brother was the youngest of five, five years after the Next closest.
He was coddled by mum and dad, but the rest of us let him know how good
He has it.
He turned out to be an amazingly nice person, sold of the Earth, do anything for anyone. ☮️
Entitlement is hard and complicated to deal with. Cloud!!! Awesome!
I went through this mess. Stop bailing your daughter out, stop coddling, stop trying to save her from herself. No more unsolicited help. Just spend quality time with her and treat her as if she's already made it to the otherside (even if shes not quite there yet). It will come.
I heard one thing when I was pregnant of my son and it has become the underlying statement that I live by when it comes to parenting.
“We aren’t just raising children, we are raising functional adults”.
I think that tends to get forgotten a lot or at least people lose sight of how much the choices/actions they make when their children are younger (especially teenagers) will have an effect and impact their children as adults. One day those little children are going to grow up, leave the house and live life/experience the world on their own and we have to hope that we, as parents, have given them the tools and the knowledge to deal with situations themself while letting them know that we are still there to help should they be unable to do it themselves.
I had a smart, beautiful, and charming friend in high school. She was sheilded from any consequences and had very permissive parents. I used to think she had the best life. Her mother is friends with my mom so I know now that her upbringing did her no favors. This 31 year old woman still lives in her childhood room, hasnt had a job longer than 2 weeks, and threw a hunger strike when her mother said she had to do household chores (loading her used dishes and unloading the clean dishes).
Her mom is so worried about what will happen to her daughter after she dies. She knows her daughter has burned the bridges most of her friendships and no one can put up with her behavior.
She sounds so sweet❤
She let it go on for too long and now she's basically saying I can't do it anymore. And my honest belief the moment she cuts her daughter off if the moment she's going to instantly regret it because her daughter feels like she's leaving me out to dry and she's basically telling me you're on your own. And that's going to cost so much anger from the daughter that she may actually don't want nothing to do with neither of her parents. This is one of those situations where something tells me that there was a golden child scapegoat situation where the daughter was favorited because she was the baby and probably a surprise and the other child or children were probably the firstborn children. She really should have started putting boundaries and her foot down the moment she hit 5 years old and if she didn't get her teenage years for sure. Now she has a daughter that needs her on a financial level from time to time on a mental level and an emotional level. The moment you do that and sent those hard boundaries is the moment she's going to tell the whole world how much of an a-hole you are to her in a moment of crisis and need. She brought this on herself now she needs to deal with the consequences of enabling that type of behavior. I strongly suggest family counseling for both her and her daughter and individual therapy for both her and her daughter because this is only going to get worse if you start going down that low of just limiting contact and banishing her from the house especially if she doesn't have the life skills to be on her own which you failed to teach her about. If you take her to a public place particular restaurant and tell her what's going to happen for here on out you basically take away her power of basically reacting in a wait when she wants to react and it away needs to react. You guys do it in your home and you got to do it in a way where she literally is not boxed into a corner. I'm telling you this right now the moment you start going down that rabbit hole and saying you're on your own especially if you've been her and security for nearly three decades really since birth and you created this mess she may not see you guys for a number of years and you may have to be prepared to just be saying we lost one child to our own selfishness and negative guidance and we only have one child left because this will cause a lot of negative problems going forward in estrangement from her towards you guys.
The first sentence from this woman's mouth explains everything. She indulged her daughter from the day dot. And never said No.
The daughter thinks she’s “entitled”.
I am worried for this mother. Kids that get like that sometimes end up murdering their parents when they can’t get their way.
Statistics will bring you peace.
@@barbara4329 You beat me to it!
Look at that young kid who killed his mom over a Virtual Reality Set 😢 And he didn’t feel bad after!
@@alfre4554
Exactly 😢
Some is genetics. People have envy gene, narcissist genes. Just like playin music by ear, being able to paint. GENETICS.
Dude i feel this
Sounds like thats a big Yes
People with control issues have such a difficult time with children. They won’t let go because they don’t want them to crash or make a bad decision. This is the pot speaking to the kettle…
But its hard for kids to take the advice of their parents.... Sadly she probably needs some tough love ,and resources beyond her control... I do appreciate these real conversations
Yep- you sure did.
I think perhaps we should ask the following:
1) Is there anything that happened to the daughter that was traumatizing ?
2) Why was she fired from her job ? Was she set up to be fired ? That can happen to certain individuals, so we should remain non-judgemental until we hear additional facts. What did she learn from getting fired ?
3) What does she do on a typical day ? Does she have a SUD/mental health issues or both ?
4) Perhaps she needs to take a career/personality profile test, and try to find a career that can offer longevity. Perhaps she can talk to a career counselor/headhunter to assist her with finding a career path.
5) Does she have a significant other or friends she (the daughter) can talk to ?
6) She may need to find a career position in another part of Texas or another state, where she can live in her own apartment/home and focus on a career. Maybe getting a kitten or puppy AFTER she is stabilized/successfully manages her situation (after 2 years), to alleviate any anxiety/for companionship.
7) I would definitely like to hear her side of the situation so I can understand exactly what is transpiring.
Good luck to Tracy and may she find peace while creating firm boundaries.
it sounds like the daughter could have Bipolar disorder, or Borderline Personality Disorder. I would take her to a Psychologist and have her tested. Sadly sometimes even a head injury and or trauma can cause it or make you more susceptible to getting it. It could also have a genetic component.
My adult son lives with me (early 30s) but thankfully he pays his "fair" share of the 4 walls. I make more so some things I cover. I'm not sure how to get him prepared to be on his own at this stage because he's happy the way things are and his current income isn't enough for our area. The positive he doesn't have an entitled or ungrateful spirit/attitude.
Well that’s totally different.
I know an extremely successful businessman who lives with his parents and pays for everything they need.
He does it to ‘keep an eye on them’ in their old age and take financial burdens off them and he loves and enjoys their company. He’s told me many times he loves waking up to his mothers cooking and they have breakfast every morning together.
The issue here is this girl is financially, emotionally and in every way that counts dependant and a drain on her parents. If your son is not a drain on yours, your situation sounds like my friends and it’s healthy.
In this current climate it’s hard for younger people to afford to live by themselves too.
The house next door to me is rented for $800 a week.
That’s utterly unattainable housing for a couple with children these days and it’s only a 3 bedroom house.
Mine is far bigger and has extra rooms. I couldn’t afford to rent my own house if I was in the rental market. If your son isn’t lazy, entitled and brings joy to your life and not stress, it’s just like a roommate Situation with a lot less risk for both of you.
Maybe he has an underlying condition like autism and struggles to adjust to change .
@@sarcodonblue2876 I am surprised how many people, like you, who are quick to try and ascribe some disability to excuse certain behaviors. This leads to a convenient reason why someone "can't" learn to be an adult.
Maybe that's just her personality 🤔
My brothers were almost 10 & 12 years older than me, and had people tell me that I must have gotten a lot but I answered , there was just one of me and I grew up as my parents financial life improved but my brothers also got away with more than i could as my mom said , she learned from her mistakes. My brothers and i grew up with very good parents and had very good relationships with them
The Road to Hell is paved with good intentions
Did everyone hear that deep Texas accent come out in John for a few minutes there??!?
Listening from ABILENE🤗
John owes this daughter an apology, and the show producers, too. Isn't this show supposed to be pretty anonymous? I'm not saying there's some HIPAA violation, of course not. But the producers should reconsider keeping this on CZcams! Unless you have the daughter's consent, it seems icky that millions of people could go on the internet to find out who is the youngest-daughter-of-former-Dean-of-students-DrDeloney's-admin-assistant-named-Jean ...
tracy's last name is never mentions and her kid is never named....not a big deal
How do you know she didn’t tell her daughter and ask her if it was ok before she called?
Details have surely been changed. They know how to avoid lawsuits.
Apparently, you want to share as much info as possibe…stir the pot much
I hope you asked for the daughters permission before posting. Other callers get to be anonymous
You ruined her and now your stuck with her and probably later raising a grandchild or 2 🤦♀️
Love how the Texas came right out.
These days the daughter will react by gong to therapy and they will buy her one sided boo hooing and recommend going "no contact."
Let your children grow up.
My husband and i have a rule about priorities. The marriage comes first, the home is second, then the kids, then its the animals, everything after that isn't considered very important. Basically, the kids never come first, and there is a reason for this. Its whats best for the kids. If the marriage falls apart, the family falls apart. If the home falls apart, the kids won't have a safe, healthy environment to grow up in. My kids get all of what they need and some of what they want. Many people have called us horrible parents, but our children are very well adjusted, happy kids. They feel very secure because they know we have built a strong foundation. We have a great relationship with our kids. Our oldest two are teenagers now and while they are growing in their independence, they still come to us for guidance and they still want to hangout with us. Many people say teenagers are so hard, but i haven't experienced this with my kids. They are good kids, who are kind and caring, and they are growing into smart, competent, and very capable people. My point here is many parents feel that spoiling their child if they have the means to do so is good for the child, but it stifles growth, and these are the children who grow into teenagers that hate their parents because they can't fathom a world where they don't get what they want all the time.
You are very wise. 💙
You basically put yourself sand your home? Above your kids. Huh? They may not show it now wait until the teen years or after they leave the home. What a selfish generation. Wow
Your house is more important than your kids😢
I think she didn't mean her physical house so much as her home. By this I mean she wouldn't give into one child's or family members comfort if it made another family member unsafe
For a very blatant obvious example if this woman's child abused one of their siblings the home or the family maybe, would come before the abuser. This might mean that the parents would go no contact with the abuser so the abused child would still feel safe with them.
What does she get when she quits her job? Attention AND free money from mama. That’s what she gets. Mama stops paying the bills and I bet the kid works harder at her job.
There are a couple of things that struck me... the mom has some idea of what "success" is, and invested sooo much in this child, that there may be some pressure to live up to the expectations of the mom because she is so loving and generous. Perhaps the young woman is self-sabatouging because she's trying to be what mom.wants her to be. Also... maybe undiagnosed ADHD.
I have 3 daughters I have learned they have a stage in life so idk they are something
How old are they if you don't mind me asking? Honestly, this call seems to be an issue of the girls parents not teaching her to be self sufficient and now the chickens are coming home to roost. I wouldn't be surprised if this girl wasn't expected to wake herself up for school when she was a teenager by the way her mother sounds.
🌟🌟 She needs to Do Jordan Peterson’s future authoring program. John, you know him and he’ll take your call. Work backwards from her vision. If she gets delayed building a family and distracted, it might not happen.
Get her a mentor who is successful. Get her to a seminar. Show her what she can have. Use your resources if you really love this woman. If she spirals down, she could end up with welcoming, but bums for friends who will delay her path and blame her unhappiness om her Mom. It takes too long to fix that.