26: How to Get All the Parts within You to Work Together (and with Your Partner) with Dick Schwartz
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- čas přidán 26. 07. 2024
- Have you ever heard yourself saying “There’s a part of me that feels one way, and another part of me that feels another?” - or have you ever wondered why you might do things that seem counterproductive to what your actual intentions are? Do you have a mindfulness practice, and wonder how you can get more out of it - is it not quite transforming your life the way you thought it would? Or here’s another question: when you take a moment to get to the heart of what you want, or “need” - how do you know if it’s something healthy, or just a way of perpetuating something within you that really ought to be something that you heal and move past?
Today’s guest is going to help you answer those questions. And if you’re inclined to do the healing work, what he offers is a powerful path to get you there. His name is Richard Schwartz, also known as Dick - and he is the founding creator of the evidence-based therapeutic modality called “Internal Family Systems” - which offers an effective way to address both issues within yourself and issues within a relationship. We’ll explain how it all works, and how you can use it on your own, on today’s show. Dick is the author of the book “You Are The One That You’ve Been Waiting For, Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships” - and we’ll use that book to help guide our conversation about how to apply Internal Family Systems (IFS) to your relationship. We discuss how to identify and heal the various parts of yourself that may be leading your actions, your beliefs, and causing internal and interpersonal havoc, and how to reconnect with your Self in ways that result in lasting healing and promotes intimacy. You will learn how to speak for your parts, heal vulnerable and hurt parts, and increase Self leadership. I think you will find that this approach makes a lot of sense and that it is very workable!
In this episode, Dick Schwartz and I cover the following:
We all have parts. We all have parts inside, as if we are carrying around a family or a cohort of sub personalities. You’ll recognize this as soon as you tune into your speech- how common is it to say “part of me really doesn’t want to do that right now”, “another part of me does”, “part of me is frustrated this is happening”, or any other form of “part of me…”? This is the language we each naturally use to explain the phenomena of having multiple, mixed, and sometimes contradictory emotions/instincts/beliefs. But, we are also not ONLY our parts. This is a distinct premise of the Internal Family Systems approach. We each have a Self and all that is not the Self are parts. Parts are autonomous, they have projects, agendas, missions, and sometimes are so self-like that they fool even us.
An allegory to explain parts: A little boy is standing on the bank of a river watching the water flow by when all of a sudden the ground gives way, and he finds himself tumbling quickly downstream. He doesn’t know how to swim but at what seems like the last second he grabs onto a log floating beside him. He grabs on with all his might and hugs it until the water washes him safely onto a beach further downstream. The boy tries to step up to solid ground but it is difficult to walk with the heavy log. He cannot let go of the log, fearing he will not be able to survive without it, and yet he is stuck holding it.
This little boy has a part that will not let go of the log because it believes the boy may drown without it. When we have difficult, traumatic, and confusing experiences we immediately learn ways to adapt in order to survive. Parts are our system’s response to painful experiences in order to protect ourselves from being hurt/shamed/embarrassed/disappointed again, and they learn to protect at all costs, even when it seems that it is wreaking havoc in our lives. You may know some of your parts already- the one that always makes you late, the one that makes you perfectly on time for EVERYTHING, the one that starts to panic when he/she doesn’t call you back, the one that makes you eat more than you intended, the one that is constantly pointing out flaws in your partner, the one that is constantly criticizing how you look… we each carry parts upon parts, some more extreme than others. Whether you love some of your parts (the hardworker? the dedicated friend?) or are incredibly ashamed by other parts (the addict, the procrastinator), it is important to understand that all parts have good intentions. Even the most damaging and dangerous parts.
Learning more about your parts- Your anger, for example, may be like the little boy’s log. If you were to bring mindfulness and curiosity towards your anger (knowing that it has good intentions), focus in on it, and then were to ask the bundle of anger... - Jak na to + styl
Yes!!!! Great interviewer. This was the first thing I noticed. Helps he is a good listener, is prepared ( read the book), practice what he studies, studies other theories and techniques and correlates the studies, has a great brain and humble attitude that complements his mind. Thank you, we all benefit.
7:00 "we are not in any danger now" *siren wailing in the background* 🤣
Yes, casualty is amazing
This has been THE BEST interview with Dick Schwartz! You had THE BEST questions! Thank you so much!
Fascinating what Dick says about the Self as a part of us which can never be destroyed, as it totally resonates with the definition of the soul in Bhagavad Gita 2.17:
Know that which pervades the entire body is indestructible. No one is able to destroy the imperishable soul. 🐚😊
I'm a marriage therapist and I use this model with some of my couples - especially if one of the partners has some childhood trauma. It is a very powerful intervention with couples.
What great sound! Thank you. And a fabulous topic xx
You asked all the questions that were floating around in my head as I was listening. Great job! Also a big thank you to Dick Schwartz for sharing his work with us via CZcams, its made a huge impact on my life already!
Constance Petot
Read his book on Self Therapy. Very informative and practical.
Am so grateful for these understandings, feel love release and relax.
This interview was SO powerful. I am always blown away by how Neil listens and engages. It really amplifies the very important messages that the speakers have to share.
Neil, this was such a beautiful, beautiful interview! Thank you so much good Sir
Great interview. Appreciated your preparation and asking great questions.
Great job! I thoroughly enjoyed this whole interview. Thank you.
After watching 2-3 videos about IFS and Schwartz, I'm quite surprised not to have heard any mention of C.G. Jung, yet... Jung was the first to show how important it is to accept these parts, except he calls them complexes. He also described the Self as numinous and the parts as "autonomous".
Also IFS sounds a lot like Voice dialogue therapy....
That said, it sounds like a very practical model in this complex Jungian world.
I agree. I'm left wondering why Schwartz appears to 'reduce' archetypes to parts alone and seems to suggest that the healing qualities of Self are not related to the archetypes. I would be grateful to hear your thoughts on this.
@@autistonaut My guess as someone who is learning this work is that the parts explain themselves as they come forward. Also the idea is not to make them feel further judged or unwanted and so some of the archetypes might have negative connotations for the individual or the parts. That's just my guess though.
Oh, God! My thoughts exactly)) And I felt a bit uneasy about it. I mean what's wrong with the archetypes? They are the parts of ourselves. And we can reach them through our inner work, using many Jungian methods and the ones developed afterwards as well. So, it seems to me that IFS can be used as an instrument in analytical approach.
I'm not a professional, but I suspect that archetypes are not politically correct for our times, I mean, they are autonomous, and can "possess" us humans, does that sound rational to you ?
Also reading Jung is a bit like reading computer code, not for anyone, better approach him by reading _about_ his ideas...
Still, I hope someone manages to pack the most recent approaches together with the "theory". I like the concept of personality types, MBTI, then Beebe and Hunziker added the shadow functions and attached archetypes to the functions-attitudes, fine. Now getting all these parts/functions to work together in the real world, with a method like IFS or voice dialog, that would be interesting ?
Or too complicated ? Dangerous ? Or maybe you can't, as Hunziker writes, paraphrasing Jung "We can't use Sensation with Intuition or Thinking with Feeling simultaneously any more than we can look North and South at the same time." (i.e. don't try to think how to drive or play an instrument, you need to feel it, make it automatic, before you can master it).
Same remarks about two other recent "theories", both very effective, practical but again so superficial, limited, in a way : polyvagal theory, and attachement theory...
Another quote from the same author to end this long post : "The remedy for archetypal dysfunction is both intimidatingly challenging and ridiculously easy - reminiscent of the 'gateless gate' of Buddhist teachings, in which the forbidding barrier, once passed through, is seen to have never really existed at all. The key is simply _attention_ ".
Great interview. Excellent preparation and questions! Thanks to Dick Schwartz for his willingness to be open to an entirely new way of thinking about people and to have the courage to share it with the world.
Heads up who is on this journey???☺☺☺ you are not alone xxx
That was brilliant! Thank you so much for sharing. I've just subscribed.
Clear and specific.. I like that.
Thank you Neil and thank you Dick!!
Wonderful.so helpful. Many thanks.
This was such an informative interview. I was able to connect Don Miguel Ruiz’s book and the insight Dr. Schwartz and your were referring to. I just found your channel, and if you have not done an interview with Gabor Mate, he’s also a great teacher. I happen to know about Dr. Schwartz and his work through that man. Thanks for this interview, great questions.
Great questions/interview!
I thank GOD for this ❤❤❤😄
" not really in any danger right now" .. .. .. .. and the siren's go off in the background. ironic!? yes...
Does anyone have the list of books he mentions
I'd love this book but it's so expensive. Are there any used copies (I'll pay reasonable price)that someone would be prepared to mail to me in the UK?
Curious, if the couple comes in with all thise issues and unresolved issues with parts, wouldn't they have met each other in order to try to find a redeemer? So is there actually any real foundation for the couple to work with?
Music too loud, hard to focus on the talking
Thanks for commenting Andrea'. We did lower the intro music volume on later episodes. :-)
Andrea' M f
It is like different avatar of a same persona...soundss similar to Hindu avatar concept....
18:50 hahahah
great vid though, thank you very much!!
Why" ha ha ha"?Are you aware of more to this discussion that is actually said in the interview?
it's funny that the interviewer has to explain part of the book to the author
Yeah, that's indeed funny. Helps to reduce the authenticity of what is shared.
Brilliant for the interviewer though
Cut the background music, its distracting, and then u sound annoying
Absolutely despise the use of the word 'parts'...prefer aspects.
I don’t agree. “Aspects” seems too vague, theoretical. “Parts” is intuitive.
@@limasah1most people relate to parts as most naturally start speaking of their different ‘parts’. That’s why this word Richard chose as he found out it’s relatable to many and simply to understand.❤
Neil, get rid of the hill billy music.. it’s very annoying .. you’re an intelligent interviewer and you don’t need a back up band.. just saying sweetie