Dementia and Driving: The Tough Decision to Give Up the Keys ~ How and When to Have the Talk
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- čas přidán 13. 10. 2023
- Dementia and Driving: The Tough Decision to Give Up the Keys ~ How and When to Have the Talk
In this insightful video, we delve into the challenging realm of dementia and driving, exploring the delicate decision of when and how to address the crucial topic of giving up the keys. Caregivers will gain valuable guidance on navigating this emotional journey while ensuring the safety of PWD and others and well-being of their loved ones.
Join us for a compassionate discussion on having "The Talk" and making the road to retirement from driving a smoother transition for both caregivers and those living with dementia.
🦩WELCOME!! Happy to have you join us!! I’m Vicky Noland Fitch, BSW/CDP, a Certified Dementia Practitioner.
🧠 I’m the creator of the “Dementia With Grace” Behavior Management System, and author of the Book “Dementia With Grace: A New, POSITIVE Way of Dealing with Behaviors in People with Dementia, Second Edition” amzn.to/2SQ1Yby
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I gave up my driving 1 year ago from getting my Lewy Body Dementia diagnosis and having spells of feeling off centered and at 58 it is HARD!! But it's the right and safe thing to do
God bless you.
@@sarahcrain8083 Thank you 😊🥰🤗
THANK YOU💐-you put safety over stubbornness!🤗
My HWLBD has given up driving, but it's been very hard for him. He did it due to his GP speaking to him after testing came back LBD after 4 yrs diagnosis of PD. Blessings as this is such a hard journey 🙏
@@janiecooksey5397 I would appreciate anything you would like to share Janie. I am about 2 years in now. I've gotten glimpses of extreme sleepiness on occasion, extreme anxiety that hit like a freight truck as did the restless legs. I started with memory loss and audio hallucinations
I would hear my Mom's voice calling my name or a Bible lecture. While I can keep learning I'd like to know first hand accounts. There's not a lot out there for sure
Telling my husband he has to hand over his keys to his truck per his Neurologist, He fought me every step of the way. He is now in stage five and he still blames me for taking him to the Dr. and Neurologist when he was in late three. My husband failed his test for Alzheimer’s, and he took two electronic drivers tests at the clinic and failed. He says it was the clinics fault he failed, I can’t win! Well I drive everywhere and he now he backseat drives, tells me how I should drive like he used too. God help me 🙏.
😂 I am a TERRIBLE backseat driver!! Terrible. Awful. Just ask my husband! I tell him that’s the only driving I can do!!
One good thing about going deeper into the stages is the forgetting what they don’t know. That can really help some behaviors. I know sometimes other behaviors come. Big hugs. ❤️❤️❤️
Mine does that too. He grabbed the steering wheel, and hurt my arm when I was trying to keep the keys from him all while going 70'mph. After that he twice reached over to shift into reverse while i was in drive....so,...i made the decision that if he goes anywhere he rides in the backseat. He refused at first, but I began to drive away and said OK, you will have to stay home because we cannot take a chance on you tearing up the car. Or getting us both killed. It helps that our windows are dark & no one can see him back there.
I admit I am a little passive- aggressive sometimes when he says, "It's green." For the 300th time, i sit snd do not go at all if no one is behind me.
I suggest you forget the idea of winning...you will be the bad guy forever....so a cept it. When mine says, "you are am control freak."
I agree with him. "Yes, I am in control and will,stay in control so I can take care of both of us."
When he gets really angry and abusive, , I tiell him, "OK, let's divorce....Where will you go?" Maybe your ex-wife would like you back?"
I sure miss the man I married. I geiwve the loss of someone who is not even gone..
My spouse kept yelling, "Look out!! And scaring me in heavy traffic. I began stomping the brake when he did not expect it, a few times..just do the unexpected and they will quit bullying...but only for a few minutes.hahaha
Thank you for your wisdom!! We moved my parents near me a year ago. Due to my dad’s dementia diagnosis, he was no longer approved to lease a company car. It has been very tough mentally for him. He has a “clean” driving record. No accidents have been done; however, many parking blocks have been driven over and dents in the vehicle. He is a smart computer brain Navy man; however, common sense is not there. He does a great job of hiding his challenges. Thankfully, we lives in an assisted living community and is safe. He doesn’t agree with us in regards to not driving. We drive him everywhere he wants to go. He is willing to pay $800 for a doctor at the hospital to do a full assessment on driving. I can sympathize with the loss of independence. It’s a new road we are journeying together.
My mom passed away suddenly in January and I know he feels the loss of his best friend of 60 years.
Thank you, great information 👍 The issue we were having with my 88 y/o Nan insisting on driving resolved itself when she had a minor fender bender and her doctor sent in something to our DMV that required a massive medical exam in order to keep her license. At this point, Nan realized that with her vision impairments she'd never pass the exams and gave up driving and we can all be thankful things weren't much worse. What bothers me is that I had BEGGED her that day not to drive, to let me pay the bills by phone and she refused 🤦♀️ But, we're managing along day by day ❤
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It was the hardest thing ever for my Dad!
I know. Sorry…I hope it’s better now
Another thing that really helped me was to hear your story about why it is hard for me to ask for help. I too have always been super independent, a mom a grandmothers and a caretaker person. I now understand this feeling better. Thank you for sharing this.
Great video, Vicky. It’s so hard to give up independence.💔
I know, how I know. I love you lady!
My LOWD was told to stop driving upon receiving the diagnosis but was offered a test to give her a chance to continue driving if she passed. She initially said she was very interested in taking the test but by the time the tester called to schedule, she said she was out of practice, preferred not to take the test, and would cease driving. Whether the delay to take the test was deliberate or not, it served the purpose of letting her save face.
That is perfect! And as I said, it is usually easier with women. And I don’t know exactly why that is. I think it is just a man being a part of that generation. All my love 😍 Vicky
@@DementiaWithGrace Driving for men is an extension of their manhood. It symbolizes their being in control of their destiny. My father is 93 and REFUSES to stop driving, even though he lives in an assisted living facility that provides transportation!
Thank you, so good!! My husband has Dementia, I guess stage 4. Will take care of it. :((
It’s a hard discussion to have!!
So glad to see you! You have changed my life--smile!
Isn’t she the best? 🪻🪻🪻
Y’all are the BEST! I’m happy to be back!! Gonna try one or 2 new videos a week. May get back to my LIVES here or over in the group!!
You are absolutely right a friend of mine took the alternator out of her mothers car, so every time she tried to drive it it wouldn’t start, she would go back in to the house, move on to something else and forgot she ever wanted to go out. This kept the car situation calm without changing anything.
HI Vicki. Long time no see beautiful lady. Getting their keys is easier than the constant questions and anger that usually comes for years thereafter.
Aww! Hello! Yes, the anger can be terrible. Just keep blaming the doctor. “❤️❤️❤️
Thank you Vicki. Watching todays video has helped me see my mums point of view of loss of independence and the difficulty asking for help even without dementia. Navigating the early stages has been a struggle and your info/experience is helpful and shows me alternative approaches and new ways to think about this very real, serious transition for our loved one and our caregiver selves. I'm exhausted.
Hey Amy! Big tight hugs and forehead kisses for your exhaustion honey! Are you in the group on Facebook? If not, come on over: m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
Wonderful Information!
My friend started to get lost when driving.She denied she was having problems but we all knew she was not safe on the road.Then she had a one person accident in the driveway.The car could no longer be driven without repairs.Her partner put the car in for repairs and it never came back.She asks about it sometimes and her partner makes up some story about it still being repaired but we all know it's never coming back.
We L🩷VE YOU, too, Vicky-truly💕
❤️❤️❤️
I'm so glad you're doing videos again. You look a lot younger than your age.😊 This is getting so hard to deal with. Yesterday my husband put his food in the fridge thinking he was warming it up in the microwave. Today he wanted to get in his truck and drive. All he did was pull it out in the driveway. The kids and I have tried telling him he could hurt or kill somebody, but he says we're nuts. He believes there is nothing wrong with him. I have been doing all the driving. Your videos are such a big help. I appreciate all your hard work.
Thank you so much! I am glad that I’m able to be back doing videos! I was not sure for a little bit if I was going to be able to jump back in!
Yes, what you’re describing is absolutely what I talk about in the video and you just have to take the keys! You just never know when he will get a wild hair and take the keys and get on the highway. It’s hard with men. All my love on this hard difficult journey, Vicky ❤️
I have been watching you . Thank you for teaching me things …I have been to Alabama and Love Bama . And Roll Tide .
That's awesome! Roll Tide!!
Thank you !!!!
I LOVE your new hairdo!
Well thank you honey!! 🥰🤓😊
Thank you for great perspective!
Wisdom
Thank you grace your video has been very helpful , tjank you .
Glad it was helpful!❤️
Is it normal for weight loss? My husband has dementia middle stage, but he has OCD and can’t hear at all. He just keeps slowly losing even tho he eats good
I need help!
Come join the group over on Facebook! m.facebook.com/groups/dementiawithgrace
I am just afraid to drive as I have mobility troubles so I have to take a walker and don't think I can the reflexes okay need.
I understand that. And it’s a blessing that you understand that as well, and have voluntarily given up your keys. I had to come to that realization too. I was just driving one day, and not a driver the next day. And honestly over those last 16 years I have tried to drive a little bit because I do have a aura before my seizures and I know in time that I could really get over on the side of the road, and I would never drive in heavy traffic. But I call that “vanity driving”. And we should never put our wants over safety. Good for you!
I understand that. And it’s a blessing that you understand that as well, and have voluntarily given up your keys. I had to come to that realization too. I was just driving one day, and not a driver the next day. And honestly over those last 16 years I have tried to drive a little bit because I do have a aura before my seizures and I know in time that I could really get over on the side of the road, and I would never drive in heavy traffic. But I call that “vanity driving”. And we should never put our wants over safety. Good for you!
I understand that. And it’s a blessing that you understand that as well, and have voluntarily given up your keys. I had to come to that realization too. I was just driving one day, and not a driver the next day. And honestly over those last 16 years I have tried to drive a little bit because I do have a aura before my seizures and I know in time that I could really get over on the side of the road, and I would never drive in heavy traffic. But I call that “vanity driving”. And we should never put our wants over safety. Good for you!
I understand that. And it’s a blessing that you understand that as well, and have voluntarily given up your keys. I had to come to that realization too. I was just driving one day, and not a driver the next day. And honestly over those last 16 years I have tried to drive a little bit because I do have a aura before my seizures and I know in time that I could really get over on the side of the road, and I would never drive in heavy traffic. But I call that “vanity driving”. And we should never put our wants over safety. Good for you!
"promosm" 😢
Hey Sherri! I’m not sure what this means?
Love you Vicky, I missed you so much 🥰
🤗 hugs and kisses!!