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I'm living this with my wife for the past 12 years. Her doctor explained it very well like the movie, "The Amazing Life of Benjamin Buttons," in which Benjamin starts off an old man and then goes backwards through life. As people develop through the disease they work backwards losing first the memories, then the skills in the reverse order they learned as a child. They forget how to reason, how to move, how to speak, how to control their bowels and bladder, how to swallow, and then how to breathe. Think of the sequence in which your child developed and then take those steps in reverse, that is what to expect from your dementia loved one! I am clearly in stage 7 with my wife after 12 years. She sleeps 18+ hours a day. The best advice I can give to care givers is not to feel badly when your loved one cannot appreciate what you do for them. They can't help it! When you bust for them and in response, they say, "Who are you again?" understand they aren't being mean or unappreciative. When was the last time your 2 year old, 3 year old, or even 13 year old told you how much they appreciate what you did for them? Caring for dementia patients is a labor of love, but it is so worth it! There is a special place in heaven for those who care for their dementia parents or loved ones.

This is whats happening with my dad now. He is in denial and having early signs. He is making everybody cry from being so mean.

Subscribed and I want to tell you that I enjoyed hearing your explanations of the stages. I have a friend who has been diagnosed I don’t remember what stage it’s early but knowing all this makes it easier for the caregiver I think to know what’s coming and how to prepare for it. I myself about lol maybe a year year and a half ago. I started noticing things about myself and so I’m not in denial. I know things are coming. Probably that I don’t want to have happen But. i’m eating years old now and I’m going to try to hang on as long as I can keep my mind safe. But I know life takes its toll but thank you so much for making these videos. They’re very informative and helpful. Thank you again.

What a horrible way to go. I hated being a child and would do anything to avoid dementia because if your'e forced to est a disgusting meal, you won't voluntarily go back for second helpings.

Thank you

I have very mild dementia. Hope it's ok to join. I belong to other caretaker sites. I'm blessed that this was caught very early by a fluke as my Dr thought I had MS. I have watched others, including my grandmother with dementia. It's so sad. I do want to go to a home when I can no longer care for myself. Then I want to die in hospice. I'm also "visually impaired" directly related to the dementia.

My mother is sleeping more but not dementia … Is this a sign of decline/dementia coming?

It is sadly true, most facebook groups seem to have caregivers that are nearly always angry and want to use drugs to keep the person with dementia in a stupor, instead of dealing with the underling issues.

I can take his choclet Milk from him after it been setting all day so how can I that

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤!

So my client has obsessive behaviors, will only do things a certain way, which would be fine, except that then she doesn't want to do something like take a shower, change her clothing, or even use the bathroom because it's "too much on her plate". But she makes it too much by going over her pants meticulously for hairs five times, shaking them out 10, before putting them on one leg at a time checking a few more times before the next leg. She won't do it any simpler, so it's easier on her. She wont let caregivers assist her getting dressed, showers, or toileting because she's self-conscious. None of my supervisors or her case manager have been helpful. Do you have any insight? None of my training has covered this either.

Hi, I’m in the first twelve months of my partner’s diagnosis and have been keeping my gripes and gratitude in the same journal. Mistake! Just ordered two notebooks and will be doing it your way in future - so much better. Thank you x

My husband for most part won't go to the restroom. Hasn't any interest on his own but does love family he told me today I hated him because I was getting him to put trash in garbage can, and that was an effort.he is my eyes though very visual while I'm driving helps me that way can't dress without help or isn't completed. What phase would this be .

This was very helpful as my husband has gone from Stage 3 to 5 in less than a year and sleep especially has increased. He also has Parkinson's which exacerbates all the symptoms. The VA has given me 40 hours/week or home assistance which has been invaluable. When a memory care facility is required, he will be going to the Delaware Veteran's Home because at only 75 currently the civilian facilities are generally women in the 80s and 90s. Thanks for your informative video and God bless your work.

My husband is 79 he at very angery hurt my filing a lot

The person we are now might not want to live with severe dementia - however the person with dementia still enjoys life with support and wants to live. We must NOT NOT, NOT project what we feel is a good life onto others at a different stage of life.

I've been waiting for 45 minutes and counting for a response from a UK helpline in regards to my mother's dementia. Thanks for uploading this video. Much appreciated. Best wishes!❤

Hi there! I have prayed, and prayed for help. You have no idea the gift you are to my family. I am caring for my mother-in-law. She wakes up probably 10 times a night. Every night. I give her tons and tons of sunshine all day. She is outside almost the entire day in the yard. She barely wants to be inside. So I know for SURE it’s not that she is missing sunshine in her life. At night time I turn the whole house down. I read her stories with my babies snuggled in bed with her as a family and we give her that tender time. I turn the lights off and we pray and I literally put her down for bed like one of my children. The house is totally dark. Still…it won’t be but 30 minutes and she is up. And I mean FULLY up. Changing her clothes, changing her shoes, walking around her little cottage. Then back down to sleep for 25 mins and again…up. Changing clothes, changing shoes, opening and shutting her cottage door to the outside. Then back down to sleep. Maybe an hour will go by..,,up again. It goes like this all night long. Every night. What on earth is going on? Is this okay? Should I try to stop this? I suppose she is not hurting anything so I have just watched her carefully and let her be free to do what she is comfortable with the best I can.

My lo is my husband& he still wants to drive but is in stage 4. I can't get rid of our car because I need to drive. I've told him my concerns but he doesn't agree.

My mom is just now starting to reach the agitation stage.. She is I love you one minute, then bad mouths me and tells everyone how horrible I am the next, even calls people crying, If I am unable to fix some problem for her. It causes family discord because they all take her side. They live far away and don't se how quickly she is deteriorating.

Does shadowing, or rather, CAN shadowing be applicable with constant telephone calls? My mum rings me (some days) upwards of 7-10 times and she also seems concerned I am in poor health.

Jesus will be their as they pass from this world into the Kingdom of Heaven.

One and a half years of caring for my mother. Recently there was an intervention by a neighbor and she was taken from out of our home. This immediately after chastising the neighbor after some rather offensive interrogation about me leaving for a holiday to try and resurrect a relationship. This intervention was apparently to remove my mother from my abusive behavior. My mother had been telling people that I was abusing her for the past half year I have been told. Neither my mother or others ever mentioned or discussed this with me, no behavior towards me ever informed me of her distress. I am still clueless about what I am supposed to have done. This has destroyed almost every relationship with family and family friends, as I have been assumed to have been abusing my mother, which was confirmed by her being removed. I cannot believe that this has happened. I even took a night laboring job so that I could care for my mother during the day. A year and a half of doing everything for her, paying her bills, going without friends or social life as all my time was taken caring for her. I have never been so selfless and never have I been so cruelly treated. I now intend to move away and have nothing more to do with either her or my relatives. I had been told that dementia can turn people nasty, but never would have believed that it could be so destructive.

I have so much trouble with patience and calm!! I am hoping THIS is a stage but I am in the angry and impatience stage!! I have to get it together but am having trouble because this has gone on so dang long!! This has been going on for some 20 years now and I have no help and ai have my own health issues and needs. He's like a 15 year old teenager and at least my teenage sons passed through the selfish/it's "all about me stage" into manhood. Interruptions, moodyness, selfishness, all needy, he spend all day on his phone and Laptop and wants me to do everything for him. UG!

I love how you have hung silver platters on the walls of that room - so pretty! I had NO IDEA that the stages could vary in the way you have described here. I now see this in my 79-year-old husband depending on how how much (and well) he has slept and if he has recently gotten enough protein. I never understood his time hording his things and spending hours every day going through the, reviewing and fondling them was how he started. I had NO IDEA this was an early dementia behavior- I was so hurt by this because he would rather spend his hours in the pole barn rather than spending time with me. (I remember thinking we could have traveled places, had driving adventures with our dogs, attended music in the park or we could have gone dancing together like we did when we courted and so on.) Every day I am very grateful when I listen to your blog, that I still have my own clear mind and my own purpose for good. My friends call me a "caretaker" - I'm not sure about that but I do try to "pay it forward."

Your blog has become my FAVORITE dementia blog - thank you so much! This is the first time I have ever heard about "working memory" but the file cabinet example really helps me because I am very visual. Yesterday I found a pile of recent mail stuffed into the store shopping bag. Thank goodness it was junk mail and was not bills that needed to be paid immediately!!

Thank you. My hubby of 46 years has PD with Lewy body dementia and has believed for years that i had an affair. It is so 💔

I have Multiple Sclerosis, and was doing pretty well when we invited my parents to live with us. My father passed in 2020 (he had dementia, but my mom mostly took care of him). Now, she is starting to show early-mid signs, including extremely gullible poor judgment, and suspicious accusations. I think you call it paranoia. Dealing with her has been so stressful that I’ve been struggling with my health (MS), and am nervous about what I’ve gotten myself into. She complains and is so negative all the time that my siblings have completely cut her off. So it’s just me. What are my choices, so that I don’t destroy my own health? I’m physically too weak to be a caregiver

I think all these ideas are great with the exception of popcorn. I recall watching a warning in training about giving the elderly popcorn because of chocking risk. Isn't it greater for those with dementia? Thoughts?

I am recommend you blog to my dementia support group today. Your blog has become my absolute favorite!!

Can dementia people struggle to sleep at all? Day and night. Like they try but they cant and seem fed up and cries.

Hi, having a most difficult time w/ my LO w ALZ early Stage 6. Items disappear by the hour, my own stuff gets moved around the house constantly. He's unable to remember from room to room, and badgers me to 'help me look' for the item. Sometimes the item is right under his feet; any insight?

My mom does like a little stuffed fox I got her.

Love your soothing voice and deep caring. Thank you for recognizing there is still a need for soul connection. For past 2 months my sister and I are caring for our 97 year old mother. It is getting harder by the day. The verbal is really going. In some ways she is so very aware. Anyway, I thank you so much for your tips and caring.

This is certainly an important topic! My husband and I already have a Living Trust (with a living will with all of our instructions) and I am in the process of working with his gerontologist getting his DNR activated (since he is now stage 4,) the the distribution of financial power of attorney (MAKE SURE THIS IS A MEDICAID SAVVY LAWYER) and his medical power of attorney (since he has a tendency to call and cancel his appointment for reasons of his own.) .Fortunately I know what my husbands wants (no medication) and to age at home with hospice and comfort care so I plan to do that for him as long as I can. It's been a long journey already, more than 15 years. Fortunately we discussed all of this long before his brain began to break. I have mailed his recent stage 4 diagnosis letter from his gerontologist to ALL of his doctors, dentist, financial advisor, etc.

All this information helps me to cope and to plan and that is very helpful with a disease that keeps us jumping. We still have to take it a day at a time but the more we know the better off both of us are. BTW: your hair at this length and with the soft curls is so attractive. Can you talk about the issue of safety with wondering? A friend of mine from our local dementia support group has a husband with FTL Dementia and he wanders in the streets and neighborhood for hours every day. She lets him just go and I am worried for him? I suggested that she try to go with him (like a walk) but she says she needs the private time when he goes out so she is happy he goes....Can you make any other suggestions how to keep him safe beside tracking him on her cell phone?

Wow, Ms. Grace, I'm recently following you for help in caring for my Mom in-law, (moved in w/us feb 2024) she has dementia- its been difficult as my mom died 2 yrs ago of advance dementia.. However, for the longest I have wondered about myself. So many red flags that you mentioned made me wonder if I have it.. My dog died 7 yrs ago, there were times I was walking him, and I suddenly got startled not recognizing my own neighborhood. I wondered if I made a wrong turn, shouldn't have been a problem, as it's in MY neighborhood. as I walked telling Jackson, find home so he could guide me.. he looked at me as if saying, "Yo! Who's walking who!?" almost crying w/my fear, I wondered, will I find my way home!? At times when driving more than 15 minutes I get trancelike and when I realize where I am, I freak out thinking I passed my exit. sigh then realize I didn't. I no longer drive long periods (Thank goodness I retired, drove 1 hr both ways.I did pretty good, drove after midnight..) with appts nearby I go and try to focus, put music lil louder, keep car cool as I want to be alert.. I will be listening to this one again to take notes, it's late need to get to bed. hoping to read from you as I am freaking out n feeling horrible thinking about my amazing husband of 32 yrs. he's the most kind, loving, patient man I know. such an amazing son. (and husband) I never want to be a burden, I already am riddled w/chronic illnesses, and need several surgeries, due to terrible upper n lower back, my hip(s) and shoulder needs complete replacement. and my failed knee replacements have never really helped me, they made things worse. (each knee performed by different Dr's.) this June my knees began to burn as if someones pouring hot acid.. my restless legs is driving me craycay affecting not only my feet but my hands/arms! I am in constant pain 24/7. . I have fibromyalgia n lupusE diabetes type2 as well. born w/clubbed foot - my life has been in hospitals.. so many surgeries!! lack of sleep makes me like I am shortening my life. its so stressed out I really want to know what peaceful sleep feels like. right now its 1am, my feet are beginning to bug me, so I know I may end up in living room sofa. I do that to be considerate to my husband who wrks from home. but I'd be tossing trying to find right position to find peaceful sleep. but no. watch TV but drift off for a few moments at a time.. wish we can talk, that way I may try to find solutions to my issues. this is affecting our intimate time together as I can't do much due to my right shoulder, which I tore up as I made way for mom in law. wanted to make everything perfect for her comfort and adjustment. Im a strong cleaner, love moving things to make sure all is clean. I've tried to find someone that can help w/cleaning the house, but they do not have the same work ethics as my mom n I had. Im sorry this is long, just had to say thank you for sharing this information. very important. hoping I can get help before I kick the bucket.. thank you for your time. Diana

You are Truly Going to HEAVEN. 🙏

It's Okay from whose perspective?

My husband has recently been diagnosed at early stage 4. Listening to your podcast has been very helpful for me as I continuing to research and try to understand. My husband's main issue right now is stubbornness. Stubbornness at giving up his charge card, stubborness at completing a task he had started. Stubbornness at showering, stubborness with his chores, arguementative/defensive. I took over the checkbook and all the finances now. I make sure that I am home when he cooks or he will walk away from the stove and burn the food or the pan. He is beginning to be aware that he can no longer do certain computer tasks or brush the dogs teeth after feeding her so he avoids. And when he gets mad he takes it out on me (but I did now know why he was this way.)

So with your experience, do you believe Joe Biden has dementia?

you look just like my aunt rosemary, i tear up when i see you, i loved her soooo much. my entire faamily are all gone. everyone has passed and i hate how i feel, like a orphan,

Do you think Joe Biden is in stage 5 dementia? I think so.

After watching some of your 7 stages videos, I'm able to determine my mom is definitely somewhere in stage 6. She has already gone through all the stage five things and many of the stage 6 things. I just don't know how much more I can take. It's hard. I can tell that the progression of stages is speeding up. It took her a long time to get to stage 4, then a little less time to get to stage 5, and much less time to get to stage 6. So I am thinking it may get worse even faster now. Some may say otherwise, but IMO, my mom has no quality of life left. She frantically paces and gathers junk all day long, carrying it in her arms or packing it into bags or boxes. Much of it is trash. I wish she could relax and find peace! From my perspective, she is in a state of hell. I think death would be a vast improvement, especially if there is a heaven. As bad as it may sound, I will be glad, and happy for my mom where she makes that transition. I know I'll be a bag of mixed emotions, but I have no doubt that many of my tears will be tears will be tears of JOY! And speaking of JOY, I hope I have a few years left to experience that again! Both me and my mom have been robbed by her dementia! It has actually been much harder on me than her since stage 5.

Im here watching these videos because my neighbor nancy who is 83 yrs old is very rude and mean to me. She has a lot of back pain and even her legs hurt . I pray that she will b healed and that God will deliver her out of her misery. I hate to see her b in pain

My neighbor shes 83 she has dementia and shes angry and has alot of unforgiveness. I pray in Jesus name that she will have Christ like mind and that she will reconcile

The only time my mom is not pacing and relocating things is when she is asleep! She can't even snap out of it when I call her name or ask her to do something. She replies, "OK", but she keeps right on walking the other way like nothing happened. She is completely stuck in this mode. When I take her by the hand and walk her to the bathroom to change her diaper, she grabs at everything we walk by. Even while sitting on the toilet, she is frantically looking for things to pick up. it has become very hard to tolerate. I can't find anything anymore. I locked all the other bedroom doors a year ago, and turned the exterior door handles around after she walked out and took off down the street and fell while I was painting the shed door in the back yard! My mom is gone. I wish the doctor could medicate her so she could at least relax. For me, it is like Chinese water torture. The first couple of hundred drops don't bother you, but the umpteen hundred thousandth drop starts to become unbearable!

Good points about sleep. My love one never used to take naps but seems to nod off a lot during the day.

That green sweatshirt looks wonderful against the green in that painting!! I recently had a person in my condo community (a new friend who is a retired social worker offer me help with my husband or what ever I needed. I cried because it been ten years that I have been going it alone. I am just not used to people offering to help me.

So true. 1) I grieve the loss of my "equal partner" and lover that I used to dance with, go everywhere with and made all our decisions with. 2) I grieve the loss of my mortgage free, very rural country home with, my chickens, my art studio and gallery business that had to be sold because we could no longer manage it and he could no longer drive. 3) I grieve the loss of our "planned retirement" as the things we planned on doing that were low cost and affordable like bicycling, hiking with our dog, bird watching, photography, day tripping with a picnic etc.as all of those things require mobility which my loved one no longer has.