One Question To FINALLY Determine, IS IT NARCISSISM OR NOT?
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- čas přidán 1. 08. 2024
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00:00 The Stress around this question
01:47 Don’t make this mistake I made
02:52 The Paradigm shift
05:39 Another Way to Know (Set yourself free)
09:00 The Broken button
10:33 A Culture-Bound Problem
15:30 The Absurdity
17:16 The 3 Principles you need to know
20:58 A Different Approach to Take
27:00 You still want to know - 5 Things to look for
28:44 1. Egomania
29:08 2. Fantasy
29:39 3. Psychopathy
31:29 4. Psychosis
32:58 5. Con Artistry
33:53 Most importantly…
34:37 Q&A
34:44 Are all Cluster B’s Basically Narcissistic Personality Disorder…
37:44 What does bad therapy look like
39:43 Do Codependents have a broken relationship with reality
40:46 Echo and Narcissus
43:14 How do you Define Entitlement…
44:11 Is it possible to remain in the same town as a Narcissistic Ex?
45:30 Which disorders are sensitive to criticism
46:05 Explosion of Narcissism
47:12 Do they always try to come back?
47:30 Restraining orders question
47:52 Why did they destroy your self-image
49:04 Antisocial and Psychopathy
51:44 Kids and Narcissism
52:58 Why not more therapists trained in Trauma
53:24 Fixing Gaslighting yourself for your own recovery
54:19 How to help a Narcissistic Friend
54:33 Can Narcissistic people turn Nasty
55:08 Hours for the Live feed
55:50 Understanding Solipsism
57:22 Silly Questions ONLY!
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Two years ago when I was on my ‘recovery journey’ I watched not hours, not days, not weeks but months of you tube narcissism videos trying to understand and come to terms with what had happened to me. Richard you’ve said it all in this one hour truth bomb. Thank you. Hopefully other people will be spared the interminable soul searching.
Part of the problem, IMHO, is that there are so many YT videos on "narcissism" that lack the greater complexity and nuance of the wide spectrum of every human having their own narcissism to deal with VS full-blown diagnosed NPD. "Narcissist" is thrown around in videos so vaguely and generally, without nuance, that viewers then comment about how their Exes and whoever else are "narcissists". It's on the level of going around and calling every human "fallible". Yes, and? I watched plenty of YT videos myself on the subject, yet IIRC only one creator ( Surviving Narcissism channel...maybe Richard has as well, I don't recall it in any videos of his I've viewed ) made the specific point that not all we think are "narcissists" are, rather, there is a spectrum of proportionality, then there are those who are on the level of NPD. General videos are good for clicks and those newly on to the scene for healing, but for others like myself I don't want to believe that anyone who manifests a narcissistic action are the devil, dangerous, and/or someone to go No Contact. Until deeper patterns and traits are in sync to a greater degree, more nuance is necessary in dealing with the complexity of our shared humanity.
Richard did this for me back in 2014 but I still listen for his insight and guidance and it's very fulfilling to understand how we can overcome, some of the pain and suffering of being in a relationship with a Narcissist. I also watch some of his older videos which are worth watching but obviously they have evolved.
Yes I remember Richard b4 your second realashionip with a 2nd narccist girlfriend.. Your helping others thank you. Been watching you for years now unfortunately lol.. I'm getting the mssg now. Read the book the four agreements as well and learning about myself as well.. 🙂 Huge hugs.. Liverpool guy.. My sons also helped me a lot with phylosophy and Ekheart Tolle. Namaste 🙏
If it hurts it isn't love. I mean somebody is sick mentally than
If those who did this damage to us would watch videos on this subject in order to heal themselves or somewhat regulate themselves, the world would be a better place.
Many lives could be saved.
I think the reason we ask if it's narcissistic or not, is because they shift all blame on us and it messes with our perception on what going on around us.
Yess
Wow you went off on a rocket here against psychiatry. A language of understanding human mental pathology and the lecture had an attitude of superiority itself. I'm psychologically trained but I guarantee that when my narcissist hit me in the head with a baseball bat. I was not thinking narcissism. I was thinking swimming cards crochet pets when I should of been thinking is my manager a safe person to be around. It was after yes it's abuse and yes it's chronic and everything about her says narcissist as defined by the world Don't discourage lay people from learning personality info or create suspiciousnesd of mental health people. It doesn't help anyone's mental health. Your at a high standard of care here so I'm critiquing your opinions. Your theories are accurate but you don't encourage more learning. You cater to lazy labelers. Push mental health education without attacking psychiatry
@@bonnieromick9397 Wow, as a lay person, I got exactly the opposite message from this video. It's not about the label you put on it, it's about the effect that it is having on you caused quite simply by their behaviour. I didn't hear a word of discouragement to stop learning about this. I did hear a lot of guidance. I wasn't trying to label my ex as a narc, I already knew it. There's nothing however I can do about it except leave, which I did.
@@MKA63I do need the label because I have kids involved. If it’s was something else then I would have hope for therapy with him and them. Since it’s NPD, I know it’s pointless and I now know how to handle the situation. Sometimes you need to know.
It would be interesting to overlay the spectrum of logical fallacies over both Narcissistic and codependent behaviors and thoughts.
You said it perfectly… it doesn’t matter if they have a clinical diagnosis or just an attribute.. if it’s making you unwell, unsafe, uncomfortable- it’s not heathy! This kind of relationship needs no metric… it’s toxic. If you feel something is off- it IS! You have permission to exit the equation. Do it now! Save your soul!
We ignore our gut instinct at our peril
Problem is with trauma - everything will make us unwell and unsafe and uncomfortable. And then anyone will be toxic. Everything will feel off. And that is the problem - because CBT will explain us that we are hallucinating and we should endure toxic people. Then we end up with fawning and people pleasing in order to survive corruption.
I would agree that we need to cut toxic people, however as Richard Grannon is talking in this video - when we do not have ability to make decisions based on calm mind - because we are in survival mode all the time, in hypervigilance - we will end up with avoiding everybody.
I see solution in education about what is dysregulation and complex trauma and BPD Splitting - where we label anything that moves as either toxic or as savior.
Yet another thing is to realize that due to trauma - we will feel automatic urge to fix other people and we will feel responsible for them being angry - that we come to terms with fact - if someone is angry all the time - then yes - we need to cut contact as soon as possible as our finances and circumstances allow us.
True that 💯
@@kfg7248 Not quite.
Sometimes we are might make errors due to wrong advice, wrong misdiagnosis, wrong instructions - and any person who pinpoints our mistakes will appear as rude, unsafe, unwell and uncomfortable. Other word is Cognitive Dissonance.
Then - if we do not learn from our mistakes, we will continue doing them, just because we cut off and silence and censor people who warn and alarm and alert us of our mistakes which do not appear as mistakes to us from our standpoint.
Well said! We have to respect ourselves. If the relationship feels bad to you - walk away. Love and respect yourself first.
The question to ask yourself is do I feel good when I am.around them, do they drain my energy, do they hurt my heart, do they inflict pain, do they cause confusion, do they generate chaos, are they unkind. Do I spend most of my time sad, confused, exhausted, second guessing myself questioning my sanity and my worth. if the answer is yes get away from them and never ever look back.
Kinda feels like you will leave and get hurt somewhere else until you master a "Dr. Strange" soul out of body observation. A place to observe without suseptability to your environment.
Yes. All excellent questions to ask ourselves.
I left my husband a month ago, I don't care if he's Narcissists' or not, he makes me so unhappy, I spent too many years with him.
7 weeks for me. I was miserable as sin, I'd lost all love for him. Thirty years wasted and our son in therapy but we'll get there. The house is a hell of alot calmer now he's gone
Smart lady. All the best!
My mother said it best for me; if you are feeling threatened, leave. If your feeling suspicious, you have a reason. She said some people need to be told LEAVE. It doesn't matter figuring it out. Get away from them, work on yourself, focus on you. Heal, be healthier. Give up on them, never give up on you! Semper Fi yourself...
Love that. Semper Fi!
@@kathleendubois7128 Right? Me Too!!! 💕
Are you alone now?
@@joeya289 Now, I am, but working on a relationship but ultimately decided by what was going on (details), that it was not rught so we are not together as we were. I nedd to heal. This will take time, I was honest and my life is my proverbial kingdom to rule. I choose to do so as wisely as possible and a repeat of my past is obviously not a desirable outcome. If you have been in a relationship where narcissistic ppl ruled, long term. You have been brainwashed and may repeat your pattern that is not an option so, for now, I choose to focus on my healing.
Wow ,your mom knows more than what web should all know about .
It's important to know, because during being gaslit you are convinced everything is wrong with you, and it serves as a form of validation to know that you weren't the crazy one.
If they make you unhappy and doubt yourself , you don’t need ANYONES validation , it’s you who is on the receiving end and decide to leave or stay for more ,
“If you bleed compassion like a fire hose, you are neurotic” … truth bomb
This is so me 😂 i feel as read as fuck lol.
Richard seems happy. That makes me happy.
He sounds a bit drunk
I am in my 60’s, raised by narcissistic parents, according to the psychiatrist I was being treated by in my 20s. After months and months of therapy, delving into my background, digging up and rehashing all the trauma. He told me I was not in fact “crazy” as I had been told my entire life by my parents, but that, I was, in fact, raised by two narcissist. That was the beginning of a long journey for me..
I have recently managed myself from the last of many narcissistic “ friendships.“
Yes, please don’t give your life for these people. You cannot fix them. . Work on fixing the one that matters. That’s the one who is watching this video right now. Become your own advocate, gift yourself. You have always been giving others. That is your love and approval you are giving to others who will never appreciate it.
You matter.
Not all narcissists are "abusive" in the traditional sense of the word. As a fact, many narcissists have discovered early on that being abusive is less likely to get what they want. Rather, they enjoy the game, the manipulation..anything to get what they want. Narcissists learned young they only got certain rewards for doing certain things...and that continues. If abuse works, they do that. If not, they don't.
So what do you find the traditional sense of the word ‘abuse’ to be? Why don’t you substitute’ exploitative’ instead? It gets more succinctly to the core of what makes their behavior ‘ abusive’
@@EllaCinder-lh4roif your closest to the narcissist you will be abused in all ways the narcissist sees fit. Any reaction will do to satisfy the narcissist. Best to RUN from the abuse and don’t look back. Stay strong💪💕
Yeah the hypersexual narc who discards on a whim
It hits home when most of your life has been led by a code of never leaving a person behind. It makes you feel like your very nature is disloyal or self-serving. But you have to let it go just as a basis for self-preservation.
I dissociated as a child, repressing what horrors that I witnessed and experienced. There were so many times in a long marriage that I came back, hoping not to wake up and keep going. What has been intriguing, is learning about how some " normal" people came to the decision to end it. One person that I know, heard her partner say something that she knew she could not overcome, and ended it. Another experienced, outright selfishness and callousness, and knew that they would never be the same. Clean endings, may be more to do with the self respect that we need to build. However, there are many factors that can keep a person stuck. I admire such people, who have such a high level of self respect.
I feel amazement when I hear about people ending a marriage because they aren't happy or compatible. I'm incredulous at that level of self preservation. I'm like, "He wasn't abusive? He has a job? No drug problem? Didn't cheat?" 🤯
Narcissistic & toxic ppl can say some of the most wicked and evil things that can decimate a person beyond repair. Few know how to guard their minds from it.
My X charmed the psychologist we went to see by talking about similar vacations they took to the same city. He hijacked our therapy session and left me feeling devastated that he made a joke of our counseling session by thinking he was smarter by manipulating the counselor. When I got upset in the parking lot as we left, he laughed and said, "Oh stop worrying we are fine." I was devastated and stayed for years to come! I have been narc free for a year and now can see my own involvement in my own suffering in this relationship now that the fog has cleared.
Hey, been there. You can't fix what you can't identify. And he kept you spinning with no respect. Good for you, you've left! But do not for a minute blame yourself. That's their whole game.
So it’s your fault
Many times in the New Testament - when asked about these evil creatures, Jesus said - GUARD YOUR HEARTS!!😢😮❤❤❤
Bravo!! Save your life by honoring your own needs. I wasted 30 years in a marriage characterized by growing abuse from my partner. My childhood had been much the same. I didn’t land on a helpful question until I was 53 years old: “Am I willing to absorb this increasing pain any longer?” I only learned the terms gaslighting and narcissism about a month before I left. But the totally-enslaving questions I used to ask myself for those three decades were “Why is he so weird?” and “Why am I so miserable, though he and everyone else tell me how lucky I am?” Save your life. You are qualified to determine if you are miserable without approval from anyone else. Your feelings are valid. They are not “too sensitive.”
20 years I have yet to find any good therapist 😂 it's a nightmare 😢 people like you are one in a million ❤
Absolutely 💯
I concur!
A blind woman prefers me to her trained therapist. I was in an abusive relationship when she chose me to help her. Strangely, I’m just now waking up to what I was really inside of. It took a kick to the face and him saying the devil is trying to use him to kill me. There’s much more but I know there’s something wrong with me because after all that I still love him. But I do have a restraining order and I just call the crisis line once or twice a day.
Don't sell yourself short..I had no idea what train had run over me and I was circling the drain when I found your videos working in the lab alone at night many years back. It saved me to understand..can't break a trauma bond if you have no idea it exists! You and Sam helped me move on. Thank u
Always appreciate you Richard.
I was only able to escape by rationalizing that the man I fell in love with (the lie) was dead, and the guy that I was currently with murdered him. It allowed me to hate him enough to run away. I had to grieve the loss of my murdered love. Fucking heartbreaking.
Dark mindset but I can see that being effective. Grieving the fantasy is necessary so if that imagery helps that process all the better.
Thank you Richard 😊 I’ve been to a point where I don’t care about diagnosis, but this explains really well and now I know without a doubt what I’m dealing with.
Do you get tired of all these THANK YOU posts? I hope not because there are not enough thank-yous in the world to show the gratitude I have for the content you post. I hate to be so dramatic and say you saved my life but pretty darn close to it. I was being internally and emotionally destroyed by a family member I could not get away from because it would have hurt someone else if I did. How awful a situation is that?! But now, the person I was protecting has passed away and I can finally free myself. I have no family now but that is better than living the way I was living. You help reinforce my decisions while also giving me the understanding that what I am doing is totally OK. I chose me because they are never going to. Abuse-yes, pattern-yes, continuing after asking them to stop-yes yes yes. And so I am gone. Sending you healing vibes and so much gratitude.
He is explaining in this one hour video the Laymans term if you’re being abused leave
Yes I understand what you are saying. Mental health is no excuse for abuse . And , even if it is a cause for it we should not accept it .
Another good rant from Richard. If I hadn’t already left my person, this would have done it… it doesn’t matter if it’s narcissism or not - is the relationship unhealthy and not improving? Key questions we can all ask ourselves
"compassion button broken to 'on' " - oh that is such a helpful metaphor. 🙌 thank you.
I just significantly distanced myself and children (while my husband is deployed) from a verbally abusive family member on my husbands side. I have spent the last week agonizing and wondering if I should feel guilt for not being more tolerant (it’s been 16 years now). Once you said “abusive, consistent, previously communicated?” A tremendous weight was lifted.
You are helping so many. I am ready to heal from my own childhood trauma and I’m tired of feeling bad for cutting out the weeds in my life.
This is it.... In my opinion, this is it. Finally having permission. (7:50 to 8:42) At least an equation for quick analysis!
I could never get permission to "be done". I remember asking friends and family hypothetical questions or questions that were subtle and non accusatory. I could never get anything other than the sticky return of "compassion"..... This is exactly the definition I finally figured out. I was actually using the word "compassion" in my mind to keep allowing the dysfunctional living to continue! It was a one/ two.
This was HUGE 22:35 to 25:01
Richard, I very seriously have to thank you for your description/ list of the five/ six. I've heard others describe, and I have come up with "compassionate" reasons why my mother would not have been in that category and I was "probably just overreacting".... But in truth, by revealing these five/ six aspects, you entirely, without a doubt, absolutely described my mother....(now I can move to my next step...)
Thank you...
I feel like that too, like I need permission. Weird. Also, I want to be done but his name keeps coming up in snapchat and I feel jealous ND this isn't even a sexual relationship.
You make good points. Why does it matter to me? Because if it's narcissism it means I didn't fail. It shouldn't matter, the abuse should be enough. I am being abused, the behavior isn't new, I asked many times for that abuse to stop, it hasn't stopped. If I was emotionally healthy that would be all I need to walk away.
You’re trying to be a victim so you can avoid your own responsibility 😂😂😂
Richard you are the best comic relief for such a topic that severely needs comic relief!! Thank you for always bringing a sense of humor to humanity it's so essential!! Also I adore the accents you give the various entities it's wonderful! Please don't stop doing what you do, with such jois de vie❤ couldn't get through this without you!
For the record I clicked on the video because I click on all videos with your face, I didn't read the title😊
Okay, I had to stop this video at minute 18… First, thank you Richard for providing videos to help educate people on narcissism. Those of us who were dumped or abandoned by narcissists STILL need validation to move on. It was through educating myself about narcissism that helped RELIEVE the pain in my heart even though my logical sense knew something was very, very wrong. Education is like a PAIN reliever like aspirin because the heartache from separating from the narcissist is sharp and painful. You know this, Richard!!!!
do some inner child work to find out why you were/are attracted to these kind of people - you will also find you true self and and you will be able to reactivate your self-worth ❤
Finding out what had happened to me was one big step. But the next and most important big step was understanding why I got there in the first place.
Healing my own codependency was essential for me to grow in the confines of a very healthy relationship and allow myself to be vulnerable, and not feel victimized.
I believe my ex is still a narcissist. But I’m no longer codependent. The latter has much more of an impact on my life and my future moving forward.
It’s like, understanding that my ex was a narcissist just opened the door for me to look at myself. But it really was in looking at myself that I was able to change myself for the better. I would never be compatible with a narcissist now.
I should also say, that it was a very difficult step to move from focusing on understanding his narcissism to focusing on my own codependency. It wasn’t easy and I wanted to cling to blaming him for being the bad one.
I had to let go of feeling like one was bad and one was good, and just moving towards an understanding of what is, without judgement or blame, but with clear understanding. It was very painful. But it was so necessary to get through that stage so that I could really feel better, and to let go of the anger and hurt burrows deep down in myself.
I don’t miss that anger.
@@maryfarrell9439 Beautiful ❤
And respect for not staying in the victim-mentallity.
Stronger than ever before.
👍
@@maryfarrell9439
Thank you thank you for sharing your process. It has anchored my choice to commit to finally the next step to move from the stage of hurt and anger , and continue my focus on my personal recovery on how I got there in the first place. Gratitude. You made a difference. 🙏
Thanks for this video you're not only a victim but you're clever, informative and funny too which makes your videos a great watch ❤
Totally agree
I really like you’re frank approach- it’s exactly what I need
Listen this is an old time saying, "if you have to ask the question then you already know the answer" i never understood that quote until i got older, which is absolutely true!!! Stop fighting yourself for someone you love! Yes it is sad but it will never work especially if what you do and want to do is never respected!
My father was a narcissist, my stepmother (of 60 years) is definitely a narcissist and I now believe my daughter’s husband is a narcissist and I just turned him in for abusing my 4 year-old grandson. All hell is breaking loose. It’s overwhelming but I’m grateful for your truth spoken to help navigate through all this.
Stop calling everyone a narcissist grow up and get off CZcams
“With a drizzle of gibbledidoo”. 😂 You lighten and brighten my heart space. Thank you.
For me, it's about looking back and having closure with all the pain i caused by calling him out in front of everyone
Fuck that call em out
Lol😂 love your humorous and realistic way of getting us to quit trying to rationalize an irrational situation.
You helped me understand and get on with my life like 5 years ago and watching you still never gets old. You've gotten better like fine wine. I still pester Brand to interview you.
That interview would be genius squared.
That would be something. Especially in the wider world context, if Richard subscribes to Sam Vaknin's 'epidemic of cultural narcissism' idea, or has his own take on it.
I too am a psych major and I love how you point out the sanctimonious/religious status that psychology is given by the masses without them realizing it.
The Celestial serpent of Hinduism came into psych heavily via Jung. The very word “ego” comes from Hinduism. This is literally religious tenants posing as science.
science is in the bible as metafores maybe not in releign
Wow. Thank you. I've learned how much sometimes we just need to hear the truth stated simply and outside of our inner, overwhelming emotions and racing thoughts.
💖🙏💖
You're completely correct. It doesn't matter if my ex fits the diagnostic criteria, he still abused me and made me unhappy, so I left.
Gotta say, it did help me immensely to learn about narcissism. Seeing him as this seriously mentally ill person who doesn't care and will not change just because I put in what I thought were love and compassion really helped to get over my sense of guilt and my helper syndrome. I was able to step back and observe, test my hypothesis. And for the first time I was able to predict his behavior.
It took months of research and therapy for me to understand that what he did was abuse. In hindsight the self-gaslighting was insane.
I relate. Especially about the abuse and asking him to stop and hadn't. So yes, I'm certainly co-dependent and need to get out while I have a chance. It's exhausting.
Dear Richard
You didn't waste your time because of 2 Reasons: 1. You had to go through this to learn and help lots of people like me. 2. Times as our Mind thinks, doesn't exist. It's always Now!! This Understanding helped me to survive a narcissistic Relashionship (or maybe he wasn't) and finally found my we home and went through a second one just one month after "awakening" to learn that narcissistic Persons realy exist . That I am ok (at least my cognitive skills😂😂) I went to scan my brain, went to psychiatrist etc.....
And I hope I can stay aware now. I wasn't really awake I think or maybe I was. At least It didn't hurt that much second time and I always found Peace over all when I remembered Home and who I really am!! ❤
I so needed to hear this! I’ve been struggling for years on whether or not I should leave. Trying to ‘diagnose’ him, understand him, fix him, fix myself. I can finally be done.
This was a great clarification I think many will benefit from this.. thank you. I lost a good many years of my life also weighing that question.. if I was the 'bad person' to 'give up' (as i was gaslighted to believe) and wasted endless energy and precious time on.. even now, after that chapter is over for me, I appreciate your insights and clarifications to keep my wits sharp 😊
Hands down the best video I’ve seen on these topics. Well-done. Concise. Puts the ball and the power in the victim’s court. Thank you.
Man, the hardest part is accepting. I've finally, FINALLY disconnected (still have to co-parent). I've watched so many of yours and Sam's stuff, it was enough to get me moving. But now I am re-watching I remember having soooooooooooooo much self doubt, sooooooo much self doubt. I'm here literally just months later.. and it is clear as day.
Right there with you Richard! Great video. I binge watched you a few years ago until I got sucked back in. I feel your pain. We'll be ok!
Narcissists are delusional and get satisfaction from being sadistic when they're around loved ones because of their fake persona but when alone they're suffering because they're going back and forth due to dissonance. I'm experiencing it as well due to trauma bonding! Thank you it all makes sense and very empowering to feel part of a community being advised by you. On the other hand, I enjoy your hilarious accents and impersonations.
I experienced the regular verbal and emotional abuse, but never asked him to stop. He made me think that everything was my fault, and i always tried to change myself because i felt that i was in the wrong. He did this to my kids as well. I only realized in the last two years of my marriage that it was NPD because of social media. In particular youtube videos from Richard.
I left after seeing a psychologist and we both went to "marriage therapy", where the therapist caught on very quickly. She was very glad when i decided to leave him as she saw some aggressive behaviour from him during the sessions. Luckily he was never physically abusive, but then he was a small man. And I'm relatively strong for a woman.
This is a great video, it doesn't leave one with any doubts.
I love you Richard for this! Simple and brilliant at the same time ..and your humor kicks me in my victim ass to wake up! ..thank you for that ❤😊
I was double abused by our marriage counselor. Caused me to study and learn and simply listen to my body mind and soul.
All that you said is spot on!!!!
This was by far the most helpful self check I have heard in a very long time. You really have a way of giving us a well-needed smack in the head and wake the f up speech. Very well said!
I remember the weird things that would reveal themselves over time that I didn't know what to think of at the time: dating a drug dealer. Cheating on past boyfriends. Saying I was too much a rule/law follower. Always being right. Grandiosity. Arrogant as F. Negative. Mean. Angry. Never apologized. Future faking. Withholding of sex. Delusional about her intelligence. Extreme competitiveness. Gaslighting. And that was only after 7 months. Absolutely crazy making
I love your delivery on your videos. The black and white answers and explanations I appreciate the most. The message in this particular video is the best to date. Abuse is abuse. End of story. People need to learn to get out of it and stop looking for an excuse or justification as to why it is there. Thank you for the time and energy that you put into your work!
You have absolutely pinpointed and answered key questions for me. He is without a doubt a major narc. I already knew it but now I'm absolutely confident in this fact. Thank you
You do great work Richard! Thanks for your massive contribution to the community! I have listened to Sam also about how everyone is the narcissists “mother.”
It helped immensely to understand the “system.”
It really doesn’t matter, with what they diagnosed at the end. What really matters is how this person makes you feel. Sometimes people who are not god with understanding their emotions, misinterpret fear with excitement. It took me years and more than one abusive relationship to get there. I really hope that in the future, I have the courage to set boundaries and say no. Everything else is manipulation. And not love.
Great video and inside. Thank you
I’ve spent longer trying to heal and understand the whole situ and narcissism than I spent in the relationship but it’s good because it still teaches me how to understand my own co dependence and my shadow that has allowed me to choose such unhealthy relationships.
So grateful for you Richard. Your work is amazing. And once again, right on time. Sometimes when life gets really stormy, your voice and content are the only thing that's soothing to my psyche. Logic my friend. I need logic in my life. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you, Richard! You're my hero. So accurate, so profound, so humorous.
There are no words. THANKYOU FOR DOING THIS IN THIS WAY!
I TOOK A DEEP BREATH JUST AS I PICKED THIS. YOUR DEEP BREATH, MADE ME STAY.
I knew you got it, for sure.
THANKYOU
I needed to hear this today ♥️. You explain so well the workings of the codependent mind to gaslight oneself, rationalise bad behaviour away and the drive to be compassionate in a situation where it's not appropriate. The simplicity of was there bad behaviour ? Is there a consistent repeated pattern of bad behaviour? do they continue the behaviour even after you asked them not to do it ? It's ok to leave and choose yourself.
I too have wasted many years of my life and so want to stop. Thank you.
Thank you for your message. Very true. We all need to create boundaries of who and how we can help others, whether personally or lwith our work. Thx you.
Your stuff gets better every year thank you! And I friggin LOVE your sense of humor!!😂❤😂❤
35 yrs married to an alcoholic. A roller coaster life thats just getting worse. Many hours of counselling, self help books.
Since I’ve been listening to your videos I’ve seen the light. So much makes sense. I’ve been so brainwashed…
Been thinking lately that I’m narcissistic. Now I understand why!!!!
I can’t live like this anymore.
Thank you so much for helping me see through all this BS.
Thank you so much Sir Ricahrd Grannon. Just thank you, thank you, thank you..... you make me cry because of how compassionate you are to the plight of survivors because you are one too. God bless you and all that you are and do.
It is important to identify problematic people especially if their consistently antisocial behavior has severely affected other people’s lives.
I’ve been watching you Richard for 8 years. Bravo 👏🏻 BEST video to date! People get to chose to live life separately!
I’m so happy you are back, and looking healthy. You had me a bit concerned about you dear. I’m glad you are doing well, and still fighting the good fight. …my hero 🥰💪🔥☯️
Thank you for your time and thoughts ❤️💪🔥☯️🖖☮️🦋
I didn't even know about this shit because i was only 16 years old no Internet nothing that would help me understand why i couldn't leave this nut case for 30 years but now that after being divorced i had to do my own research to finally understand why i stayed. Thank you for giving me the education i needed.
Thank you dear Mr Richard for helping me and others out, even though you are a victim too, which is why you are so helpful, you have much terror to overcome too. I remember they used to call it criminal infidel, for psychotics.
thank you so much Richard for your amazing content, you have saved me from a life of confusion to a life of freedom.
“they put them in human size washing machines to wash the cray-cray out of them!” 😂😂😂 IDK why this made me laugh so hard! 😂😂😂
thankyou Richard, those 15yrs not wasted man. ive spent the 5yrs in the relationship and 4 additional months post breakup asking myself these questions. Obviously bringing me to your channel and numerous others. Im completely engulfed in it. Consumed and exhausted. I feel obsessed at times and i dont wanna live out my life at 43 in a state of neurosis trying to understand it all. Im gonna give up on trying to understand the person who gave up on me, for whatever reason. I'm gonna try to start living my best life. No shame in that. Like she said "its time for me to be selfish" 🤦♂️ Best of luck to you sir and wish me luck as well!
This is fabulous advice. I wish i knew you 50 years ago. But i did finislly learn!
The dupers delight grin when or if they see you flinch when they know they have hurt you ..they will watch you for a reaction to their shit behaviour and grin if you do …it’s disgusting now that I recognize it and know what the hell that is.
Thank you for your time and thoughts Richard 💪🔥❤️☯️🖖🦋
Correct.
The only person's emotions I'm responsible to fix and recover, are mine.
I can suggest to people how I got out and began to heal, and point them in the right direction, but that's it, no more.
Thanks dude.
You do make me laugh 😂 Richard, seriously your content is so on point and honest thanks..
This is one of your best, realistic and grounded videos! Very simple and matter of fact. I agree with all 🎉❤
Can you talk about the struggle with guilt after the fact too? The battle with this question lasts years after the relationship for some people and this video (admittedly I'm only 10 minutes in) is a wonderful way to bluntly call everyone out for exactly what they're doing to themselves by engaging in this inability to JUST LET GO.
Maybe see the video he made today. It's short.👍👍👍👍👍👍
This is the most honest view I have ever listened to. Thank you.
You're my absolute favorite person to address this topic. Thank you for telling it like it is- very practical and helpful advice.
I think some of the problem around this question is about understanding abuse in general and especially narcissistic abuse as its so nuanced. It's difficult to explain to others and it often doesn't look like more conventional understandings of what abuse is,to the point you don't even recognise it yourself. You may think somethings off but you end up gaslighting yourself. This is particularly so if you've grown up like this as I have.
After one relationship, I contacted women's aid to ask "is this abuse?" their response : "if youre asking the question, it probably is."
That was all I needed. If you think and feel something isn't right, then it isn't right.
Simples!
The Giving Tree is a beautiful beautiful story.
I frickin’ love you @richardgrannon 💪🏻😂 the boundaries you set!!! You are a great mentor!
Just watching this for the first time and only 2 1/2 weeks out of a 7 year situation - my having put various barriers in along the way, so a long time coming to an end, yet still a significant grief (his wanting to see someone else in the end was my cue to remove myself totally, to protect myself). Referring to the 'you can leave/if you've told them and they don't stop you can stop trying' bit. He managed to 'get in first' with that; give me a list of things I did/needed to do/not do in order not to evoke his wrath/abusive behaviours. If - when - it happened, sporadically but often (and often alcohol related) - he would say it's because I'd 'done the thing' again. Stuff I sometimes 'didn't know I was doing but would wind him up'. Made it seem he was the compassionate one for not walking away. I was NEVER abusive. It was extreme gaslighting. Mentally I stayed sharp - as sharp as I could - but my brain would often feel mashed up.
Thank you! So much. ❤
Thank you, that you give your ❤power to explain the Problem and help me to go away !❤
Thank you for your videos... I can't begin to tell you how much they have helped, and I can't agree more with the diagnosis thing ..if your partner is giving you consistent bad vibes walk away.. love to you Richard 💕
I appreciate your approach. I have always learned a great deal from you! Thank you.
Nice summary Richard. Makes total sense. Thank you.
This is a brilliant video. Really making me think about this from a totally different angle. Thanks for sharing.
I think this is the best video on this topic I've ever seen. Thank you.
Thanks R, Nice to see you looking so healthy !!Very helpful as always !
"Shell Shock, simple honest direct language. Two syllables"
This is so good thanks for posting Richard 🙏🏻
Nailed it! You have the gift of common sense and reason. Gotta let the liars go. Oh darn it.
I know the narcImm with is absolutely livingt he best life...courtesy of me and I am done!. I am leaving when he is away in his luxury cruise to the caribbean.....I have had it!
All I can say is thank you Rich, your words resonated and made me laugh. I am grateful because in so many ways these lessons helped save my life . . . Or at the very least, my soul.
Thanks once again, you helped me come full circle with alot of the self therapy ive had to work through, have yet to be able to find a therapist that is in my area in denmark that knows about this works with this and has room, seems a very new topic to danes, but then i think the knowledge of all that happens during narcissistic abuse and how cptsd codependency and everything hangs together is rather a newish discovery, Therapists do seem to agree it exists, but how to truly pull oneself out of it and helping to do that is not an easy topic and hard to find help for here it seems. Also truly appreciate your book, was finally able to purchase it last month(pennyless git here :P)
The very beginning of the video cracked me up - so real! Thank you for all you do Richard