Why Not All Disabled People Want To Be Inspirational [CC]
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- čas přidán 12. 07. 2018
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“I didn’t choose this body. I’m not brave for being in it.” ❤️
A random person on the street(literally)- you’re so inspirational!
Me- *wheels away awkwardly cuz how am I and how do I respond*
The "I would kill myself if I had your health problem" is so harmful. Personnally, I find the pain sometimes so unbearable that this thought occurs "I wish I die rn to end this". So when I hear that it reminds me of that thought and bring back those moments when I feel miserable. That's awfull.
exactly, and it just validates those thoughts in our mind like "oh so this is a genuine reaction and isn't bad at all to do it" even though anyone else with those thoughts would be discouraged and shown the good in life. it just solidifies how people think being disabled is a second rate life even though technology is so advanced that most of our problems have something we can do to try to help make it easier, some of the main things making it a "worse" life is pain and how abled people can treat us
My chronic pain from my condition makes me feel this way which is the cause of my depression and the memory of feeling that way as a child is painful
I just hate how people will see us as inspiration and then go about their lives feeling like “good able bodied people,” while doing absolutely nothing to actually help us fight for the dignity, services, and accessibility we need and deserve.
How did nobody but me thumb this up? That’s messed up.
Lisa TheCatDude Haha! Thank you! I certainly think it’s a key point. 😂
My personal favorite is telling professors what’s going on with me and them just being like well I can’t help you. Yes you can? This year I’m at my fourth university and a professor gave me an extension because she knew that ADD and anxiety can make it hard to complete assignments. For the first time in four years I made dean’s list. You absolutely can and should help me, not shrug and say that sucks.
My friend and I are making a health curriculum and there are like 20 of us and I was the only one who thought to bring up disabilities and chronic diseases....like we're 21....we should know better
True, it's nothing but virtue signalling.
Girl, yes. There’s like over 50 million disabled people. We aren’t all inspirational. Most of us are just average, and there isn’t anything wrong with that.
I googled it again, I think the 54 million is just in the United States. In the world, it’s more like a billion. We are the largest minority group in the world, and the least represented. The hope is that maybe one day we will have a lot more of the right kind of representation.
Some of us would just like to be seen as just that: average. Just like everyone else. Yes, I use wheels to get around. You use legs. Not a huge difference would be nice.
ButterflyNerd007 that's normal for you. Not the rest of the world
Rhythm F. I am aware of that.
Rhythm F. Yeah. It’s their normal. Let’s start treating it as such, yes?
I’m disabled and have always said that I don’t want to be an inspiration for simply existing. My existence alone is NOT inspirational. If I can inspire by the way I choose to live my life, then I more than welcome that and actually strive for it. Always love your videos, Jessica. Thank you for giving the disabled community such a powerful voice. ❤️
Miss Luna this!!!
Yes! That is exactly how I feel! I am not inspirational for beeing disabled! But if I would be an inspiration for the way I choose to live my life and handle my disability, that would be great!
The “if you’re not inspiration why are you here?” really got me. It’s so true!! Sometimes you can even be a scrounger and an inspiration at the same time and it’s like... WHAT??
just put us on a pedestal like that'll do it. forget about institutional changes that improves our lives
I can’t believe your school did that! The lack of tact! Unbelievable!
My experience of it is mixed. I've got a cluster of mental disorders that get commented on most, so a lot of the time people are patting me on the head for not killing myself. Super awkward, but a bit funny when they realise what they've said. Mostly I get irritated because I feel like the inspirational ill are used as a way to say "Well they can do it, so why can't you!?" to other people, and I don't want any part in that.
yes it stigmatizes the illnesses in the end, and only drives people to not seek help
As a disabled person I don’t like people calling me inspirational because I feel like they’re patronizing me like they think it’s amazing that I can do everyday things because they see disabled people as being less competent. It’s not a compliment to me.
I struggle as a non-disabled person finding the line between empathizing with disabled people and that turning into pity, which I know almost all disabled people hate. I think a lot of that has to do with how disabled people are portrayed in the media, because honestly I haven't known many in my life. You have really changed the way I think about disabled people. I'm very glad I found your channel :)
Last year, in my last year of school, I got one of the 'thanks for just existing' awards and honestly for me it was so annoying. I think its because all my life I've been getting these awards and I went into the ceremony specifically hoping it wouldn't be another one of those that didn't actually acknowledge anything.
But no, to expect that would be unreasonable of me wouldn't it? At the very end I'm still sitting there without an award and as soon as they start reading out how this person is so 'brave' for having 'battled her health' I want to walk out. I've been through this before and know how it begins.
But 1. Despite having a physical disability I am privileged to be perfectly healthy and have never had a health crisis, so I was like 'wtf does battled my health mean, I'm fine?', and 2. It felt like everything else I had done was being ignored. I had maintained A/A*'s for years, got top GCSE scores, was heavily involved in LGBT activism, I had mentored younger students. Everyone else got awards for doing these things and achieving the top scores in certain subjects, but I instead got an award for being brave and sick. I 'd rather not have got one I honestly wanted to cry and it still makes me mad to this day.
Disabled people have the right to just live their lives like everyone else! They have NO obligation to be heroes, role models or inspirational to the rest of society! They are only human like everyone else. I think it’s presumptuous, unfair and frankly wrong for anyone to put that burden on the disabled to be some kind of inspirational saint. I’m so glad you made this video because you make a point people really need to hear
I think the difference between to inspire vs. Being inspirational is very important. It means that those who inspire us are active actors. Being inspirational means you are being acted upon.
Also thank you for this video this is something that I struggle with often, seeing as I use forearm crutches.
God I love you Jessica!! I have such complex thoughts about being called “inspirational” and you’ve put them into words that I supppper relate with. Thank you!!
Thank you for the lovely comment ❤️
I'm told constantly that I'm amazing for going on. "I couldn't do what you do!" "I don't know how I'd live if I was in that kind of pain!" "I don't think I would be able to deal with it!" and it's annoying. Because the truth is that what they're congratulating me on is essentially...… not being dead? I'm just living a life with a disease, and it doesn't make sense to applaud me for it because, well, I don't exactly have any other options. And yes, sometimes my life is insanely difficult, and sometimes I do need someone to be proud of me for not being bed, but there's other ways of doing it. The fact that I'm managing my own education as someone in my early teens, working from emails and structuring my days without any adults present, and actually doing pretty alright? That's pretty darn cool. But just waking up in the mornings? Not exactly worth the comment.
It sounds like you're doing such a brilliant job of it all. From one disabled/chronically ill person to another, we got this ❤
This is such a good video aaaa. We don’t all want an award for just existing and living our life. Most of us want to be treated the same way as everybody else from what I’ve experienced
1:00 the panicked reaction when an able bodied person realises what they’ve just said is also pretty hilarious if you’re in a wheelchair.
this is entirely unrelated but your eye makeup looks amazing in this!!
same!
I catch myself becoming more & more jaded towards “normal people”. People who have never experienced 10 out of 10 pain, people who have never had any form of surgery or procedure, people who knew me before “illness” became part of my personal & not just work vocabulary..& get upset if I have to cancel plans because I woke up with a 102.2F temperature with joints so swollen I can’t grasp a hairbrush! I had 31years of a relatively normal life, I have a degree in Radiology & I LOVED MY JOB, I got married & even after the diagnosis of Lupus, we traveled & spent weeks in beautiful places. For the past 2yrs however, I have been struggling with Autonomic Neuropathy & in just a couple of weeks it will be the beginning of year 3 that I have run a temperature EVERY DAY!! No one says “you are an inspiration for continuing to fight for answers”, (although I have heard the ‘How do you live like that’ & ‘I couldn’t go on if I were you’ lines many many times), instead they say, “That must be so so hard”, with the most pitiful face they can make. My favorite is, “You just have to keep fighting & looking for answers”!! REALLY?? DO I NOW?? Does it help YOU to tell me to “keep going & stay positive”? Because staying positive is a battle I fight everyday. I know people mean well, but it comes across as a pat on the back & a “You can do it Tiger”! If someone doesn’t know what to say why must the feel they have to be encouraging? Can they not just ask if anything new or exciting has happened lately, because most of the time I will have an answer to that! We had our downstairs repainted & I LOVE it, I had a new great niece & she is precious, my parents just celebrated their 52nd Wedding Anniversary & are so awesome! Talking about these things make me feel better too!! Telling me “You are so brave to keep traveling to specialty hospitals for all this testing”, does NOT make me feel better, it may make that person feel better about themselves though. However; it has reduced me from a 38 year old, educated woman to a child who deserves a lollipop for “being brave”...what other choice do I have, because I refuse to give up! 🤗💜😘
I get it this is a sad story and i font mean to be rude, ya it is a shame you seem like a real cool person but, that is way to long of a comment
chicken cat animations Then why did you read it? There are longer comments here, why bash mine? This behavior is partially what this video is about, take your “attempt to not be rude” somewhere else please...
Moomin -I’m sorry, I would lose my mind without my husband, so I cannot fathom the emotions that brings. I personally believe you had, & still have, every right to feel and act however you darn well please! If you ever need someone to just bitch to or lash out at, feel free to message me & I will simply listen, or I’ll give it right back to you if that is what you need, lol! Sometimes I think a good sparring match is healthy for the soul, especially when you know the other person does not mean to hurt you, they simply need an outlet! I am also a master of stupid, random facts if you ever just want a good laugh 😁! If you have seen the movie “The Help”, always remember; “You are Kind. You are Smart. You are IMPORTANT.”!! Much love dear...🤗💜😘!
Rebecca Ude that sounds like you want your "normal" friends to be able to understand your struggles without letting them know what you need? I understand the desire to have people react In a way you prefer, but the sheer helplessness and awkwardness of those surrounding you is probably what leads them to the only support they can think of: encouragement. Perhaps you can try letting them know that you just want to be treated normally and they might do that for you.
Shushu Chan -You have a valid point, I have never just come out & said to my friends, “Please just treat me like you always have before”. I have however; tried to instigate movie nights & game nights at my home (even offering to cook!!), & have had people say “Oh, lets go to the cool new theatre that serves drinks & food during the movie, it so much more fun”! It is, it’s WAY more fun, but it may not be what is best for me, & I may end up declining. I’m afraid if I ask to be treated normally, yet have to decline invitations
b/c I’m NOT “normal” anymore, that I’m sending mixed messages to them (which I’m sure is frustrating). So I guess I’m just as lost about what to say as they are! If I come right out & say, “it’s really hard on me to get dressed up to meet you guys out, can we do a pajamas & movie night at my house instead?”, is that ok? Or does that seem like I’m holding a big sign that says I’M POINTING OUT I’M SICK!!? Most of the people I was speaking of above, are those that don’t really know me, or even random people. Receptionists at Dr’s offices, people who “didn’t mean to eavesdrop on you & your hubby, but you’re just so brave” (I stopped talking about it in public unless we have no one around us, lesson learned), friends of friends I’m meeting for the 1st time & have “heard so much about what your going through” right after being introduced. It makes me feel very very small, & I know it’s because I let it do that. Thanks for pointing out that it’s on me to be honest with friends, other people..I just say Thank You, even if I don’t want to, lol. I just don’t want the discussion to always involve my illness or limitations, but I’m afraid if I say I don’t want to talk about it, it comes across as rude...do you have an illness or disability that causes issues like this? How do you handle it if you do? If you don’t but have a friend that does, how have you navigated that? I appreciate you comment & being kind about it very much! Hope you are having a great day! 🤗💜😘
I lost strengt in my right hand nine month ago. I am an artist. I didn’t draw until two month ago, because I just couldn’t stand my failure, I cried on a weekly basis because my art was, in my eyes, what defines me.
Two month ago I started to lable myself as a disabled person. Two month ago, I started drawing again. To the point where there is no difference to how it was before.
People tell me, I‘m inspiring them, they never could do that. People cheered on me and reward me.
But I don’t understand why. Because I had no other choice except giving up and not be happy. And not being happy should never be an option!
Kalimpoli i think people cheered you on for the fact that you didn’t give up and continued to be unhappy
“I didn’t choose this body; I’m not brave for being in it.” Exactly!!! Recognize that it’s harder for me to do things, rather than praising me for trying to live a life (everyone’s trying to live their lives; it’s not special). Then take down the barriers that make it more difficult for me to do so.
Thanks for this video, Jessica❤️! ~A fellow Spoonie
I know what you mean about people thinking disabilities are the worst possible thing you can deal with. Not many people consider Autism a disability but mine coupled with the severe anxiety I have has been quite emotionally and physically fatiguing which has in turn inhibited me from functioning as the ‘average’ person would which in a way I consider to be a form of disability. I love hearing your perspective on these sorts of topics. Your videos are informative and entertaining. ❤️
Chloe Wrigley I'm autistic too, in my case I also have severe depression, anxiety, social phobia and some issues with my whole sensory processing... The worst part definitely is the lack of information processing that comes from my ears, sometimes I don't listen too well bc it seems that my brain doesn't process the information correctly
Btw autism is a disability imo
This video speaks to exactly how I feel about being called "inspirational." I was in a wheelchair for most of high school (my mom pushed me around for a lot of it) and during our senior awards ceremony they went on to praise a girl who had broken her arm and still had managed to take her finals! How brave! I felt so conflicted with wanting the recognition of the fact that I was even there but also not being "othered." Right now, when I can barely move through the day without excruciating pain, I sometimes wish that someone was there to just say "go you! you got out of bed! incredible!" I also have a friend who consistently grabs his chest and moans "your life is just so hard! you inspire me so much!" and I just cannot handle it any more. Any advice for how I can get him to stop? Thanks for the videos they've been helping me so much.
If your query at the end of this comment is still an issue, may I suggest sending this video to your friend?❤
I've always found that when people say you're an inspiration for being disabled say it to make themselves feel better, not to benefit you.
(Using the general "you", not a specific you directed at a specific person.)
After this video I had to reconsider some things. Actually, I've left several "you're so inspiring!" comments under your videos... It was not meant as an objectivation, though. I trully admire your personality, views on life and everlasting cheerfullness (and your style... and you and Claudia together
I totally agree, when I’m out, especially on the bus for some reason, I often get comments, majority from people much older than me, such as “I don’t know how you do it” do what? or “you should show other people how it’s done” how what’s done? and my personal favourite “you deserve a medal” for what? I used to do gym/ dance/ swim competitively but I wasn’t that good that they’d still be commending me for it now!
I know people mean well and I would never dream of being rude to anybody for this type of comment but it’s a bit laughable considering these people know nothing about me other than I’m sitting on a bus in a power chair heading for the city centre accompanied by my amazing mum.
I think many people aren't able to see disabled people as distinct individuals with their own lives separate from them, rather than just how they fit in in relation to them. Sort of like how children are surprised to hear about things their parents did before they were born, in a "how is it possible that this person who has only ever been one thing to me - a parent - could have any interests or achievements outside of what they are in relation to me and my life. Most people grow out of it when it comes to able bodied people, though.
I am a sibling of someone who lived with a disability. When I talk about him, people often pity him but he wasn't pitiable in any way. He was so full of joy and excited about life and constantly in a good mood and singing. I think he enjoyed life a lot more than a lot of other people. It is frustrating when people assume his is a sad story. Yes, he did have a hard time but a good life and who defines what makes a life good anyway? I think a disability is a small detail of somone's whole self that you have to work around but, it does not define anyone; what defines you is what you do and if you do inspirational things then you deserve to be lauded.
Also, it would be lovely to see more videos of your circle talking about their views on these kinds of things. Sometimes, a person's support system are the only ones who can speak for them, and navigating that system and getting the person you love the things that they need in the world can sometimes be like pulling teeth. It would be interesting to see disability from that POV.
I hate when people call me inspirational for existing. but if they say that I inspire them to handle their hardships better because they saw I could do the same, not that I do in WORSE conditions, or that the amount of pain I'm in makes them APPRECIATE the fact that they are not and makes them more empathetic towards others in even more minor pain as a result, or that my sunny disposition and kindness even when they know how much pain I'm in is easily enough to make someone constantly grumpy makes them strive to be kinder too, or basically any detail given not about me existing while disabled and sick, but my PERSONALITY that shapes my life as a sick and disabled person makes me happy to be that for them. the good part about being this way is that I can be a teaching tool to those around me on how to treat people, especially the disabled. but being an inspiration for having my illnesses and being disabled is them simultaneously putting you on a pedestal for STAYING ALIVE while also objectifying you as only something to inspire ABLED people because "look, it could be SOOOOO much worse!!!" while ALSO telling you that you are beneath them for daring to be disabled. don't tell me I'm inspirational because I'm here, tell me I'm inspirational because I genuinely inspired you to do/be something because of how I ACT, just like you'd say to anyone else. I can be your inspiration, just not your inspiration porn.
I completely agreed. I appreciate the term disabled, being labeled it allows me to access things because I have a disability. My disability is hidden so most people I come across have no clue and I am ok with it. I know the few times people have tell me its inspirational I feel awkward. I want live my life and be complimented on my work achievements or creative work, not something I had no control over.
Yes, yes, and yes. Let us be inspirational for activism work, etc. Don't let us be inspirational because we woke up and took a shit in the toilet and brushed our teeth twice a day like everyone else, lol.
I ended up disabled at 36, ME & Fibromyalgia (I too have more than one, ain’t we lucky). Timing wasn’t great (just managed to get a good job and I was on the brink of promotion) but two of my kids had left home, only one still at school, so yeah.
I found inspiration in Portugal, this year. Over there, I’m not a problem, I was pushed to the front of queues, cars stopped to let me cross and dropped kerbs actually drop!! The disabled in that country are not a problem, I felt embraced and accepted. Whereas, in England I’m a problem, an awkward issue. I’m ignored, shunned and insulted. Drop kerbs are around two inches above roads, so I have to go the long way (where I can actually get on and off pavements), which is a waste of battery. I’ve gone through three scooters in a decade because, in my village, kerbs are a nightmare.
My philosophy is to smile (even when I’m in awful pain), be polite but clever when responding to knuckle dragging apes that think shouting ‘benefit scrounger’ at me is acceptable, adult behaviour and emailing like mad to try to make life for me and others, just a tad more liveable.
Life will never be the same, I’ll never be able to work or walk far again. I can’t have my granddaughters to stay, I can’t go on nights out but I’m still breathing and brain fog to one side, I’m still managing to use my brain.
I find it’s all well and good having inspirational athletes at the parallel Olympic Games but some disabled people are in too much pain to walk to the loo, so being compared to a double amputee swimmer doesn’t really work!
It took me five years to accept my restrictions and inabilities. I still struggle with grief over the life I no longer have but I do accept it’s my lot now.
Helen Stokes -I was 31, Fibromyalgia, Lupus @ 33, & for the past 2 years, Autonomic Neuropathy which has caused it’s usual issues, but I have also run a high temperature every single day since the 1st week of August, 2016. I am fighting to find answers of where this came from, treat the symptoms, etc., but I miss my “normal” life so much that I simply sob sometimes. I wonder why people who have committed crimes or done awful things get to live a healthy life, & those of us who went to school, worked hard at our jobs, were good members of society...suddenly get smacked down almost overnight with illnesses that completely change us, our bodies & unfortunately our place in society because they view us as ‘abnormal’. I suppose we keep moving forward, & as you said, stay positive in the face of adversity! (Then call them all names when we get home, lol 🤣) Take care!! 🤗💜😘
Rebecca Ude
It’s a rocky ride but we can survive if we keep a firm grip of the tiller and steer ourselves better. It’s really hard pacing sometimes but sometimes we have to overdo it, just to live. You take good care too.xx
You seem adorable Helen
Helen Stokes This is very true, thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with me! 🤗💜😘
Rhythm F. 100% agree with you!! 💜
So true!!! We are just people living our lives. Could you please talk about how some people feel they're not disabled enough to call themselves disabled (to use disabled parking spots, bathrooms etc)
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’m paralyzed from the waist down and, personally, I find it kind of patronizing to have strangers tell me how “inspiring” I am simply for existing in public.
That school story broke my heart. I’ve been there, autistic, thinking finally maybe I’m being acknowledged, appreciated and most importantly included! And then just as I’m excited I realise it’s not about me.
Not about an award for perseverance or anything I just always wanted just a joke award or something because people who are liked/part of the group get those.
I totally feel that whole bit about wanting to be inspirational for what I do ( in my case creating youtube videos, writing a one woman musical, and being a professional dancer in a wheelchair) but not for just exsisting. There's a difference.
This is so real, especially the difference between the 'inspirational heroes' and the 'scroungers'!!! I'm not disabled personally, but I do suffer a good deal of chronic pain and the like from a host of syndromes (my favourite word ever, thank you doctors for coming up with a word that basically means 'we don't really know what it is') and when disabled people (like paralympians!) are put on pedestals, it really does make able-bodied people turn around and go 'oh you must be weak then if you can't do what they can do, you're not trying hard enough!!!'
but anyway, excellent video and so many good points, jessica you're an inspiration to me for educating so many, putting out such wonderful content on how you best handle chronic pain, and for gracing us with your wonderful presence and your wonderful wife
I love that you described being an inspiration as objectification and othering. I hadn't heard it in those terms before and it's so true!
I find it really affirming when people I am close to acknowledge and celebrate what I do to keep myself alive. These friends are well acquainted with my illnesses/disability and how hard I work to keep myself alive. My best friend calls me Wonder Woman and tells me I deserve an honorary doctorate all the time and it really helps me when I'm feeling discouraged. As a celebratory gift for a very helpful surgery she had a portrait commissioned of me as Wonder Woman and I love it so much!
Getting a diagnosis has been SO IMPORTANT. It changed everything for me! But....not all in good ways. I have noticed that people are treating me more delicately, and don't always know what to say to me anymore, other than to ask me how I'm feeling. It's unnerving, and I'm not sure how to deal with it yet. Personally, I don't want to be an inspiration. I have so many people focusing on me that I'd much rather fade into the background :(
Thank you so much, this is such a helpful video for explaining how these things feel! Even with coeliac disease (not a disability in the UK but, funnily enough, counts as one in the country where I grew up), I did get my fair share of comments on how 'brave and dedicated' I am for sticking to a diet (that keeps me alive), as well as several people saying would 'die' if they couldn't eat bread.
Things about Jessica that are inspirational to me:
1: You do your eyeliner fabulously
2:Your hair is amazing
3: You speak your mind clearly to state your position.
4: You don't apologize for things that aren't your fault.
5: You educate people about things they don't know in order to improve the world for everyone.
6: You look for the positives in life.
7: You are self-directed and self-employed.
8: You and your wife so beautifully and naturally show your love for each other to the world.
Many more things, so thank you for being an inspiration to me.
Yeah this week i got my first "i would kill myself if i had your health problems"! I'm in the club now 😂
I think noone will ever find me inspirational, because I'm just a mess and barely coping ;)
Jahlee Su I got this from my own step dad about a year ago. My back injury had caused incontinence for about 1.5 years straight, and I had to wear diapers for the duration. We were talking about getting older, and he said, "If I started pissing myself, I'd just shoot myself."
I don't think he made the connection, at all, and it most definitely wasn't meant maliciously, but I won't ever forget it. :S
I'm quite certain no one will ever find me inspirational, especially so because my disability is almost entirely invisible. I have more people doubting me than anything else, really. Like, thanks Walmart greeter guy for stopping me from using a scooter until I give you my medical history and show you my ankle-foot orthotic (only visible part of my injury). That kind of thing, IMO, is way more humiliating than being called inspirational simply for existing, but that may just be me.
And I totally feel the same way: complete mess, and barely coping (some days not even barely coping). Seven years on, and you'd think I'd have adjusted, but nope. Life is hard enough as a healthy, happy, pain-free adult. :|
I’ve gotten various versions of that statement since I was disabled 8 years ago.
Wow mood I get the same SO much it's so irritating
As a non-disabled individual that phrase irritates the living daylights out of me... like, really? There are so many other things we can say that *aren’t* horrid when interacting with people who have health problems
oh god... that is so insensitive.
Thank you for putting words on why I was so uncomfortable with the ending of Wonder! It was a great movie but the ending was very clumsy indeed.
I remember having my first(and probably best) livestream in late 2015, because at one point I talked about how Bentley in Sly 3 was a great character to me as a kid, since he was disabled but an active PLAYABLE character who played important roles. He was in previous games and had the same playability as he does when he becomes handicapped in the 3rd game. He had jet packs so he could jump around, and even though gameplay wise he was pretty mobile and good(unrealistically obv but it was very nice) he still clearly struggled with self worth when the girl he liked was prefering his abled-bodied main character friend. By the end of that chapter he ends up getting injured helping her and she realizes Bentley is the brave one, and they end up happy together as tech nerds.
When I said Benyley was a very cool character to me because I was disabled at a young age, I had someone in chat go "wow you're disabled, you're so inspirational!" and given my disabily honestly doesn't ruin a good portion of my career potential and ability to live my life compared to other people who did have disabiliities MUCH more severely affecting their quality of life, I got awkward and made a joke to avoid his comment about me being inspirational.
"I am inspiring, sexually."
I honestly might have made the same joke today, due to how sassy/sarcastic I am to people who talk like that xD. (A meme was made based off that quote, that I found out recently is still being kept by my friend which made me laugh and cringe at the same time.)
But yes, the effort to be nice is clearly there when you say someone is inspirational, but you are delegitimizing a lot of people who have it much worse off. Especially if you're only saying it because you just found out I'm in a wheelchair, and dont know the issues I *actually deal with.
I don't think I'm inspirational. I'm just trying to enjoy my life and be able to take care of myself. I want to be able to talk about my disability in a positive/happy and normal manner because it's a part of my life, without people being overly sympathetic. Anyone who says it's inspirational comes across to me as an old facebook user who shares all of those "inspirational" stories that are just normal people trying to live their lives, and the person sharing those posts don't help handicapped people in any way.
i've watched this video a few times and ironically, it does remind me how inspirational jessica is, but not just for being alive as a disabled person. she's inspirational for being relentlessly positive in circumstances where i know i would completely crumble, for being more eloquent than most people who don't also have brain damage and cognitive issues, and for being unapologetically herself in a world that doesn't always take too kindly to deaf, disabled, neurodivergent, hyper-femme lesbian moms. the fact that she possesses these characteristics in the face of challenges that most people don't experience is definitely impressive, but her having these traits is what's really inspirational.
I was given the token "Most inspirational" award @ my High School Cross Country team's annual award night as the only wheelchair competitor in my entire league (like 6-8 different regional schools)
I completely agree with you. I hear similar things from a different situation, I lost several family members to cancer (including my mother) during my mid teen years within a very short span of time, and I hear similar comments all the time when people find out what happened during my childhood (I have even been sought out in order for a near stranger to tell me they have no idea how I managed to get through it all). They use the term inspirational because I have lived through loved ones dying (as if I had a choice in the matter). I also get people questioning how I coped and what I did and whether I got help, as if I’m something to be studied, and it’s always met with shock when they find out I have a job, a house, a fiancé, a life when I had such a “rough childhood”. Woah...that brought up a lot of feelings 😐
Not exactly related, but I lost 145 pounds over two years and have been called inspirational multiple times. I don't like it. I'm not someone else's inspiration: I'm just me. I only lost the weight because I was truly desperate and ill and saw my death approaching swiftly and painfully. I'm not sure if this makes sense.
Oh I so get that. In my case I lost weight because of my illness (gastrointestinal). It bothered me at the time when people congratulated me for my weight loss (these are people who know about my chronic illness), and every time they see me saying things like "I see you're keeping the weight off". Makes me feel like being snarky and saying "yes and if I lose much more my doctors may decide I need a feeding tube".
Hope you're doing better now!
Yes! Thank you for this. I’ve had type one diabetes since I was six years old (about 22 years now), and I’ve had so many people say “I could never do that!” when they see me doing fingersticks or shots or infusion set changes. That’s always driven me nuts! I always want to shoot back with, “The only other option would be dying a slow, painful death, so, uh, I’m willing to bet you COULD do it. The only difference between us is that you were gifted with genetics that mean you don’t HAVE to.” I don’t mind if people think I’m brave for how I’ve handled my health conditions or find my mindset about them positive or inspiring, but just having chronic illnesses and treating them isn’t anything out of the ordinary. That’s just what you do when it’s the only option.
Oh, Jessica. This is SO my feelings on the matter. I know that being inspirational is almost a taboo thing in the disability community now, but there are ways in which I DO feel like I have risen above some really shitty circumstances. At the same time, I hate all of the ways in which I am othered, and I am really weary of the inspiration porn angle.
You rock.
I get this from my family. I 'inspire them to work through the things they suffer'. I am lying on the sofa, eating instant noodles and drinking vodka straight from the bottle. Every. Single. Day. I hope I inspire everyone reading this too.
I appreciate someone respecting all the extra work I have to do to stay healthy, and recognizing that sometimes it just plain exhausts me, but I DO NOT WANT to be "an inspiration" just because, once again, I got through my day, didn't die, worked full time, took care of my kids and my house (who am I kidding, that's completely my husband).
Had a sub teacher once tell me I was inspirational basically for coming to class. After I had explained I was late because at the time my school wasn’t actually required to keep the elevator unlocked or running and I struggle to get up stairs because disabled. I just kinda sat down and hid because I didn’t know how to respond.
Thank you for this video, this is a topic I also struggle with. I had never thought of the whole inspiration thing as "othering" and it is an interesting perspective and one that I'd like to explore more. As a disabled person, I agree with the struggle of wanting recognition for the hard things, but not being inspirational just because I exist.
I've been wanting to talk about this for a while. I want to preficite this by saying if you have a story and struggled massively and want to share it and help inspire people, go ahead and do it. However, I think these can hurt people who are not like that. I couldn't finish school, and I can't work, and because alot of those inspiring stories have been seen by so many people, my family, people, friends just think I'm not trying, not trying hard enough to reach my whole potential, when trying my hardest might just be getting up in the morning. There are positives, and I'm glad for those people, but I am not one of them, and that makes it hard for me because people think everyone should be able to pull through things like other people.
Your relationship with your wife inspires me to find someone who loves me as much you two love each other. Also your fashion skills are amazing.
Yes! Labeling people as inspirational without knowing them what I find distasteful. Unless I know someone, I don't know what their struggles are or how they have dealt with them. "We can take inspiration from another person's story, but only if we have the time to hear it first." Very well put.
I think you’re inspiring because on my worst days, I can remember that you and people like you have been through similar things and gone on to achieve wonderful things. It’s not “if she can do it I can do it” so much as “it got better for her and it’ll get better for you, don’t give up hope.” I think there is a huge difference between being “inspiring” for able-bodied people vs actually providing hope and light for others in the disabled community.
I have a mental disorder and have had someone say to me "well at least you don't have a physical disability, you should be appreciative of your life"... I've never been so mad, on so many levels
The distraction you have drawn between 'being inspirational' and 'being inspired by' is really interesting. This is going to sound really frivolous, but you have inspired me to learn more about styling my hair. (It's like Claud's - turns into a triangle of frizz at the sight of a hairbrush).
I am in serious awe of your kindness, and zest for life.
My disabled sister inspires me to treat even the most unsavory situations with dark humor and excessive swearing.
God, I love that kid.
I think a major thing about not wanting to be seen as inspirational by others for merely existing is the connotation that the reason they think you're inspirational is because they think you aren't capable. And yes being disabled does mean that it is harder for you to do things and there are many things that you might not be capable of doing at the pace of others without aid. But there's a difference i guess in going "Yes this is hard for me." and having other people recognise and acknowledge your struggles versus other people looking at you the way you are and going "Wow you should have never been able to do that. It's amazing that you did."
Hi Jessica, my mother has chronic fatigue along with a few other disabilities. Over the years I have heard many of the things that people have said to her. She often gets comments like “good for you” or “you really inspire me some times”. I know she finds that rather hard to hear as she would rather have inspired someone by doing something meaningful, rather than just turning up to a dinner or going on a trip. I understand what she means and I wish people would be inspired by her, not her disability. Thanks for making this video!
As an autistic person who suffers from anxiety and depression I have been having a lot of problems with physical health to the point where being too far from my house overwhelms me physically, but the doctors say it is just my anxiety when I feel too weak and unwell to do anything. So I can see where you're coming from, I don't feel like me just being able to do the simplest of task is inspirational.
Great video, Jessica! I love how eloquent you are. I have an invisible disability, so I've never been called inspirational. But I'd scoff if I ever was. Like you said, I didn't choose this body or mind. I'm not brave just for existing with it.
For me, it's nice to get recognition sometimes for the effort I put in to continue my daily routines. My disability affects the function in my limbs and my energy levels (among other things), and most of the people who know me personally know that I live in the basement of my house with the bathroom and front door being upstairs. So, on the days that my legs are basically paralyzed and I can't walk, I have to literally drag myself upstairs and across the floor to get to the bathroom to get ready for the day. It's nice to sometimes hear my friends and family say that they recognize the struggles I go through and how much they appreciate my ability to adapt to my circumstances. However, that feels very different to me than being called "inspirational." Whenever someone tells me that I'm inspirational to them it feels so belittling. On the other hand, when people say they can learn something from watching the way I adapt to and handle the struggles that my disability brings, that's okay. "Inspirational" feels like I'm just a means for that person to validate their existence or the effort they're putting in to their life. I think the biggest exception for me on this whole thing is when another disabled person (usually someone who is newly disabled or just coming to terms with their long-time disability) tells me that I've inspired them to see their disability or struggles in a different light. In this case, though, it still feels the same as when my non-disabled friends and family say they've learned a lot by watching how I've adapted to my disability. I definitely don't think this issue is all black and white. There's definitely some gray areas that people (mostly non-disabled people) tend to overlook.
I have some mental illnesses that mean that I've spent a lot of time daydreaming and just sitting with my thoughts, and you make feel like all of that isn't just a waste. I guess you could say I'm inspired by your ability to make the most of time spent with just you and your mind. You remind me that even if I'm having a bad day with my issues, there's always something I can do, even if it seems small. And that I'm not a bad or lazy person because I can't always be productive like neurotypical people can.
An interesting video. I think on a (somewhat) similar vein...this is similar to how I feel about being a plus sized body positivity advocate. I constantly get bombarded with comments of "Omg, you're so confident." "How are you so confident?" "You're so inspirational, because I could never be that confident." And while I know many times people leave these sorts of comments with good intentions...I can never shake the underlying message of "how is it possible for you, a person with this 'undesireable' body to be so confident?" It always comes across as a backhanded compliment, in that it's basically telling me that its amazing that its great that I am "so confident" in spite of my body or flaws. Also, while I appreciate being able to inspire someone who maybe is struggling with their body image to try out a new style or swimsuit or whatever the case may be...sometimes the intent is not always that deep. Sometimes I just post a cute selfie just for that reason...does me existing happily in my body always have to be a statement or an inspiration?
Rather than inspirational, I think you're someone I aspire to be. You just make me smile. Watching your videos makes me happy. I wanna bring that same brightness to the world.
i’m disabled and wow thank you so much for this video! *likes vid before even watching cuz i’m already feeling the title*
As someone with cerebral palsy and fibromyalgia, I appreciate this video :)
jessica is absolutely an inspiration for her tireless work, and i completely agree with this video! (especially the "inspired by" comment- almost like saying that if a disabled person can do something, then any able bodied person should be able to do it)
Who creates an award like that without realising how it would actually apply to someone? Especially because you aren't notified before winning an award and this description fitted someone in the room. I hope someone apologised to you afterwards.
Because you answered a question about it on your Instagram yesterday, I read a lot about (sadly couldn't find anywhere to watch) Britain's Missing Topmodel. I found out that it is the reason you make more personal videos in general. So I guess I should appreciate it for that. Have you ever considered making a video on it and what it meant for you and its impact on society? I feel it would be interesting, especially with the distance of almost a decade.
I definitely feel more able to make a video about it now there has been some distance- it cut me up too much to even think about for a LONG time. In hindsight, it taught me a lot of lessons that it would probably be helpful to share so... yes. I think I will make a video about it! Thank you for encouraging me :) x
Jessica Kellgren-Fozard Thank you for considering it. Although I would absolutely look forward to this video, you don't have to feel pressured if you aren't comfortable with the topic. I hope you have a great day!
I too would be interested in hearing your view on the show - and your personal experiences taking part in it. If it's not too personal subject, of course.
I just can't disagree with anything ur saying. I think we have a very similar way of looking at things and also basing things on fact. Fantastic. Ur optimism is contagious and refreshing. Thank u.
Man, you're really eloquent. I enjoyed your video and insights. Thanks for posting! :D
You're so good with words 😍😍 I really love the way you narrate or just tell stories, and you've definitely helped me as an able-bodied person to actually grasp what disability can look like, but that it's so different for everyone. It's easy to take things for granted. I'm sincerely in awe of your ability to push through, I should really take a page from your book.
Jessica I agree with you. I think you are amazing as a person not because you are disabled but for the person I see you as from your vlogs. I love your drive and passion for your work and how kind and positive you are, when so many people nowadays are negative and nasty you are a ray of sunshine and someone who when you talk about and discuss things it is in an intelligent, passionate way. You and Claudia‘s love for each other and how you support each other and are understanding. Your beautiful sense of style inspires me to be bolder and try new looks and to find myself.
My partners sister who is my close friend and sister was knocked down 10 years ago by a drunk driver, it was horrific her foot was ripped off by the wheel and she was dragged by the van. Nearly all her bones were broken her other leg was out it’s socket her pelvis was shattered Broken jaw eye socket head injury and her heart stopped 3 times and they managed to get her back. She was in hospital for nearly a year is an amputee had so many operation we have lost count. She had to learn to walk again and was so determined that even when doctors were saying you will be in a wheelchair for a very long time or you will never wear heels again, she worked her butt off and was out that wheelchair and now wears heels( which might seem unimportant but was a strong goal to work towards ) and did this all by pure determination, strong will and she would prove the doctors wrong. I am inspired inspired by her not just because she has disability but because of her absolute determination in what she does, works beyond anyone else in college and university to achieve her goals and doesn’t just to what is required, she will just go for things in her personal life and in her work, she works during a summer at a newspaper as a journalist and was asked to write a story and articles, she just went for it even if she knew she didn’t have a lot of experience and she might write a lot of rubbish she didn’t care she things just go for it and learn better to try. and when I have struggled or I do not have a lot of experience in something at work etc I think about that. Do i think she is amazing for where she is now, from when I first saw her in hospital, for working through pain most days without saying anything and doing what she needs to do to stay health in body and mind... YES I DO. It’s not out of sympathy or poor her, it’s her mindset that never gives up, will do what she needs to do and will let nothing stop her in achieving her goals.
I absolutely love your channel and love you and Claudia and the doggies you area a Ray of sunshine in this sadly more dark world, you always make me smile and happy after your vlogs. Xxxxxxx🦄🌈🤗
I loved this video! It really resonated with me, as I am also disabled. Jessica you inspire me not because you're disabled but because you have such a wonderful heart and a bright outlook on life.
I absolutely agree!! I am inspired by you because you're so outgoing and funny and just all around lovely and you make me want to be more like that! Being disabled isn't brave its just the way we are :)
Watching your videos has helped me to accept my own health problems (Ehlers-Danlos and other issues) I’m now looking into mobility aids, something I wasn’t able to accept I need. So thank you very much for sharing all your stories! 🤗
Jessica I absolutely love all of your videos! You never fail to brighten up my mood and attitude💘
I agree with what you said. I got sick (no comparison to a disability but my doctor was thinking a list of them when I could only stay awake for 10-20 minutes at a time) and I was an attention seeker until I was diagnosed (but became an attention seeker again when I returned from having surgery and couldn't participate in gym class). It's a shame a diagnosis changes things.. people should just be believed for their pain. But, I feel your inspirational not for being disabled, but for making helpful videos, fashion videos, any video really, and staying positive despite the fact that the world kinda throws stuff at you (like constant pain or a sudden inability to move your arms). And you helped me when I was sick with your videos and your positivity. So, thank you for that.
I always love your videos. You're a delight and bits of you and Claudia remind me of my best friend, who I haven't seen in over a year bc we're on opposite sides of the state.
Your videos help shed light on topics I might not think about (the packaging video comes to mind) and I love learning about a world of topics I don't encounter on a regular basis. Thank you for that.
I feel like it’s an almost-recognition of the fact that disability makes life more difficult (often) due to how society treats and interacts with it, without the reflection on the fact that something should be done about that. The same people tell trans and queer folks that “you’re so brave”
i mean, you are inspirational to me, but that comes from a place of admiration like I admire your positivity, confidence and creativity and want to be like you
Your videos make this journey im going through that bit easer. Virtual metaphorical award!!!!!
You ARE an inspiration to me. Im not eloquent enough to explain why but you are. You make my days better.
I would say you are inspirational because you are willing to be vulnerable and show the world how you live with your disability and teach us about it and raise awareness, but also because of who you are as a person and your beautiful soul.
I can't remember how I came across your channel but I stayed and subscribed because you come across as lovely, very funny, creative and warm. I really enjoy each and every video you put up and I feel like I have learned a LOT from your channel in regard to disability, BSL, chronic conditions, that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I really appreciate the content you create :) I also love watching your vlogs and I think you and Claudia are hilarious!
I HATE being seen like this and you summed it up so well and succinctly ❤️❤️
I loved how you described this particular topic
I’ve been trying to figure out how to articulate this to people about my own experience with disability, and this is pretty spot on. I love seeing other people’s thoughts on things like this and how they got to that opinion.
When I look back on the time I was REALLY ill, where as now I am much better, I just think “how did I even get out of bed every day? I was so strong.” But in reality, at the time I was ill, I wasn’t trying to be or look “strong”, I was just.... trying to live my life with the body I was given. I wasn’t trying to be inspirational. I was just trying to be a person the best I could. Yes it was hard but, I had no other choice.
The inspirational thing gives me the impression I'm suddenly in the middle of an audition (that I didn't sign up for) for a "Freak Show".
Woah your makeup is so gorgeous !!
I feel people, like myself, with mental health-related disabilities are never as inspirational as someone with a visible, or physical disability. I'm sure the stereotypical image that comes into someone's head when one says the word 'disability' is a wheelchair user, as opposed to the millions of us with a plethora of diagnosed and undiagnosed conditions! I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS JESSICA!!!
Wow. I am "able-bodied" (I guess; I have chronic pain but function okay) and honestly, reading these comments is AMAZING!!!! I am learning so much!!! Thank you for sharing your stories! Insight is EVERYTHING!
I really like what you say about the difference between someone being "inspiring" and somebody being "inspirational." You inspire me, Jessica, not simply because of your life experience but because you are insightful and articulate. You are able to communicate in a clear and entertaining way that helps people who are struggling with a disability, those who want to break through their unconscious ableist bias, and those who simply want to be good friends/neighbors/bosses/lovers/acquaintances/humans to disabled people.
I'm not where I wish I was in my life and my disability is the major reason why. You've helped me to realize, however, that just because I can't do everything I want to do doesn't mean I shouldn't try to do the parts of it I can. The video where you talk about how it's ok to not be completely "independent" honestly changed my life. I have been obsessed with gaining independence...honestly since before I was ever diagnosed. I saw that as a prerequisite for my "real adult life" to begin. But this IS my real adult life, even if it doesn't look the way I thought it would.
There's a film call stronger, that should be at the cinema soon, that is all about this topic!! Love your video!!