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How NARCISSISTS Use Mental and Psychological Abuse to Gain Control
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
- in today's video Jill explains how Narcissists use mental and psychological abuse and manipulation tactics to gain power and control over your life.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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That’s the scary part when we are unaware that we are being abused.
I escaped her today+she knows I know now
I went through it for years not knowing.... He is a big creep. A human monster for sure.
I always knew something was wrong with my parents (covert narc mother/enabling alcoholic father) but I could never really put it into words as a child and teenager. So I coped by acting out/rebelling, which played right into their hands and "proved" to everyone that I was the problem.
Yes it's scarey when we see it for what it is and sad. Or stomachs turn.❤💔❤️
Yes I grew up with mother and stepdad and brother narcissists.. my step mom. Horrible..
Their abuse is always presented as Funny, Accidentally and Innocent/ Normaly but ARE instead
Agressive, Intentional, Loaded with HATE.
Currently dealing with this & the amount of passive aggression instead of simply communicating his concerns is definitely self destructive behavior & quite immature. I feel sorry for him that he has to live with himself due to his unwillingness to stop the unnecessary madness all to control others, create his false narrative of things & manipulate, manipulate, manipulate.. its hard to believe that humans are this way, it must be a fallen angel who's judgement awaits him~ so discouraged & very 💔
People expected me to live with abuse they would never tolerate in their own lives. At the watershed moment, I didn’t care if leaving was right or wrong or what anyone thought of it.
Good for you! I'm doing my best and it's hard! They're crazy.
It can also be difficult to see because the "unaware" narcissist actually doesn't realize they are resorting to abuse to get what they want in the relationship. They are so driven to fulfill their own needs, they feel entitled to do whatever it takes. It becomes clearer when you start to wise up and resist their manipulation, then the masks slips.
My Mom destroyed me before I ever had a chance. After 6 decades of this, she is still alive and I wake up worthless everyday.
Oh wow, I'm so sorry. I'm 57 and I'm fighting to live my life far away from my family because I am finally aware. You can learn to appreciate yourself and smile and laugh again. Be your own best friend. Celebrate small victories every day. I'm serious, be your own cheerleader. Say, Yay Me! Do this about every little good thing that goes right or doesn't go wrong. Give yourself a pat on over your shoulder and remember to breathe, get outside and enjoy the birds and the sunshine and fresh air. You still have time here. Do all you can just for you, no one else. It's about time. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
"Stockholm syndrome," The scary, and horrible and degrading thig is, when we become comfortable in the abuse, we see now, no way out and are in a brain fog, or in a trance, that ia what I made it akin to. Thanks Jill, for tour videos
I was married to a very covert narcissist for 12 years. I finally filed for divorce after being kicked out the second time ( if anything went wrong for him he always told me to leave). What no one around me understands is these people get other people around them to look at you sideways, triangulate you and you have a gang of people who aren’t very friendly with you and you think it’s your fault or you question yourself. Narcs don’t always overtly act cruel like this video explains, they can be so calculated and if you do try to fight back the fights are so crazy making you give in and blame yourself and shove all the feelings down along with the truth. Narcs are evil and they are predators. I wish I could tell anyone how vital it is to get far away from them because all of the stuff you shoved deep down comes up after you are done with them and the healing process is very hard and can take years. The longer you are with them the longer it takes to heal but it’s worth it before you lose everything even you family or kids. Also after it’s over I never ever expected my narc who said he wanted me back to move on mere weeks after he said that, moved her in right away and remarried less than a year and 1/2 after also. Then while you are trying to heal, you get to see the narc acting like a slap happy fool with the new lady. These people are filthy pigs. I hope someone can get help sooner than later and break free from the horrid life with the narc
Beautifully explained I am going through this right now.
@@elinaselene you can heal but I recommend zero contact and if you have kids do anything for limited contact. The trauma meditations on many websites to release the trauma from them and their connection to your past does help- also eat healthy and exercise. Do whatever you can to rise above and that doesn’t mean you will be happy or healed quick but doing these things can get you there. Read good books about narc trauma also. It’s been almost 3 years for me and I’m finally getting better and better. I know if I can improve that anyone can cuz I truly lost almost everything and still have to pay a loan I had to take out having to move immediately with only my clothes. ❤️
@@colerussellRN Thank you I've only just seen your reply! Yes I know and realise the longer I'm in it with him the harder it will be to heal and yet again 8wks after him coming back feel this. However I feel stronger this time and I live at a distance from him... It's taken only 8wks for his behaviour to creep back in, and this time observing it from the outside rather than in it. I know NC is the only way and I now have proof of who he is.
I question everything from how I look, how my children look, if i am making the right decision and trying to assess everyone to find out who is a narc or not , if someone is being truthful, I analyze everything. It's exhausting.
It will get better. Mine was a slow process and no where near I eat to be. You will get their love yourself where you are right now. Please❤🎉❤😢
Same story here 🤦♀️ almost two years after getting it for real but still ruminating as well as missing the abuser 👩 slowly starting to turn my new free life into something strong!
I've seen my brother in law do this to my older sister. And I've seen sisters character break. She's not the same person I knew growing up. She'll shut you down with an immature attitude if you bring up his abuse. She constantly has migraines and chronic pain. She sticks by him and will stand up for him.
39 years, 8 months in the hospital, tried ECT, 40 TMS treatments. So blessed to have survived 🙏 they should be locked up they are the true criminals
Very well laid out. It’s great that you know the ins and outs of what games a narcissist likes to play. Narcissists need to know their games aren’t so clever and the games they play hurt people for their own personal gain.
That's true it's scary part when we unaware of being abused.😢
She just explained, yet again, what I went through.. I went back n forth between believing that he might of had the mind set of a child.. And then I would believe he was playing head games on purpose. It wasn't till about 11 years later I believef for sure he was a pschopath of some sort. And that was before I watched these videos.
It makes me sick to my stomach to hear this message today.. It is just more clarification that my husband is a real sick psychological pschopath! I hate him in many ways. My son was 8 years old when he came into our lives. He robbed me to a great extent of being a mom.. I can't wait till the Lord punishes these men.
I regret to inform you that this is not a gender specific issue.
@@Eluderatnight your name gives you away... Sick man.
No one said it was because it's not. It used to be but not any more. It's now 50/50.
@@lisakaler4121- You have to be kidding?
(Sone) Women have always been narcissistic. Probably more so since they are weaker and don’t pull punches….
@@Eluderatnight Current stats state it happens more to women than men, however my mum was a narcissist and my dad was the victim.
Was watching the story of Eric Clapton and remembered when he said time to grow up then wrote the most powerful song
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong
And carry on
'Cause I know, I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?
I'll find my way
Through night and day
'Cause I know, I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
KEEP EXPOSING THEM JILL!! Much love sent your way 🫶❤️🪷🙏
The abuses cause us to expect the threat is real. As a matter of fact as long as they are alive you are correct to wonder if the one you are hugging has been influenced by your abuser. I’m waiting for mine to all pass and I still imagine living with a sense of dread and fear.😢 been
New ppl you meet on social media do it in a way of not replying to your msgs for days or 7 hours it's all part of there control devalue you make you feel your not worth it ppl like that get rid of straight away
One thing I didn't say ppl who treat you like that see you have a lot of value they just want you to think you have none I confront them with it I say if I have no value to you remove yourself from my list then the true colours come out the abuse so if they truly saw no value in you they would just delete themselves any normal person would and everybody has 1 minute in there day to reply back don't let them tell you there while day they haven't had one minute spare that's a lie
Yeah the confronting one is difficult for me. Yet us types of my personality type too. Who? What? Why? Where? Inquisitive types. You be fine. Just try to be kinder to yourself a little more each day, easier said than done! I can feel it happening. It just took to long:)❤😊❤ love and prayers sent!
Don’t question me . . . Look who I married . . . A love blind empath then questions self into submission . . .
To trUly heal one must DO the work to uncover all trUth . . .
“Thank God, for the unconditional love that I had for my child.” ~Jill Wise.
Thank you God, thank you Jill
Peace and blessings unto you always in all ways . . .
~Dwd~
The moment I pulled away from my narcissistic ex my depression reduced. I have only been getting better ever since. Trust your gut feeling. When you know you are being gaslit, run away.
I'm tired of the CONTROL AND HARASSMENT! I cannot live the way I want because the NARCISSIST pays others to harass/stalk me!!!
I can't thank you enough! I know what I want now, and what I don't. Family loyalty at the expense of one's mental health is dreadfully awful.
I thought my sister loved me. What a fool. She actually hated me and sought to destroy me. She almost succeeded.
@denisegreenhoe1758 It's beyond heartbreaking and I thought that I'd written this comment, then forgotten about it, until I checked the name! I hadn't liked the video though, which I always do.
I won't go into all the details because it's way too much to write, except to mention that I nearly lost my life due to my sister's ongoing psychological, as well as physical, abuse over the years.
She moved back to our homeland many years ago, yet the put downs etc continued from afar. She even rang the police to get an unnecessary welfare check done during the pandemic, under the guise of being concerned about me.
I'll never trust her with my personal information again after that and it's like she has been doing her best to prove that I'm a "mentally ill" person.
Mind you, she's a social worker and I get upset thinking about how many people's lives she would've destroyed due to her lack of empathy and compassion, which might be partly caused by a TBI from falling out of a window as a toddler. ❤
@cyndigooch1162 It is unfortunate your sister had a TBI, but that does not account for intentional, malicious, hateful, vengeful, and deceitful acts toward and against someone you are supposed to love and cherish....... not destroy.
We need to precise that the psychological abuse is more powerful when the narcissist have a position of power over us. When it is a friend we can easily remove ourselves and get angry, but when it is a parent, or a boss, or an elderly YOU WILL THINK TWICE no matter how bad they abuse. As an example, my father was physically violent but when I got angry at him and confronted him about it ALL my family member was convicted and I was shouted that children should be obedient and not disobey adults and should respect elders, When I just express my dissatisfaction about something I am immediately called disrespectful and faced with a rage.
Not being able to think straight is an understatement im getting physically sick!
Made me ab solutely physically ill not just mentally!! Look up about physical manifestations because it is quite common
This is actually what I have been awakening too. 😢 Thank you I have never heard it this way until now. I'm still confused as in who or what has this control still over me. That I think is just in my head lol. Ever since I turned 40 the day after that my life has been one crazy, scary, Awakening process of events. And eye opening.
Jill Wise, Thanks for your educational experience and resources and support. GOD-BLESS.
This sums it up perfectly!! WOW!! This was extremely helpful!! Thank you!❤
Jill is a nice lady to share her wisdom with us all. ❤️
yes. I found it affects all my subsequent relationships. Imagine getting a hug and wondering if it was real. Narcissists wreck us for life. Humpty Dumpty can never be put back together again. No recovery, only management.
Thats not true at all. You make a wrong turn and have a bad period of time you can make the correction and never do it again and be better for it. No damage. You won't be dragged into bad positions anymore. Your good.
@@dennisrobinson8008 thank you. It's as fragile as innocence. Once pathways are fused it just becomes a grind. Love that some of us find a way out.
i see what you are saying. it does get many stuck in some pretty bad "loops" in life.@@shoveldoggermafia
This. I couldn't let him touch me hardly because I didn't trust he was touching me or someone else he had on the phone next to us. He had done it so much that it killed my soul. I've never been so lonely. Truly lonely, as I've been for the past 5 years. I couldn't see it until now that we're apart. He tripped me all over the house for fun. Hid things, you name it. I got to where I no longer bothered even taking care of myself. It gave me excuses I think subconsciously. In therapy now but still easily triggered and in a fog alot.
That's what I've been told as well. I may never be ok because it was so bad
This is an empowering and supportive message for us in the process of awakening.
The cognitive dissonance is a reoccurring issue.
Thank you
I used to be In a very toxic relationship
Until I met hackrecovery01
On IG who helped me escape through it.
Was just texting with my abuser. I have to work with her so … that’s that. In any case, she spent the entire time attacking, just as you said. First it was jokes, then she moved on to attacking me for deleting my Instagram, accusing me of having something to hide, etc. I just kept laughing 😅 and making light of her comments. She’s still mad and after me, but I didn’t react. I just let her spin and spin until she moved on after not getting any reactions.
You are a True, beautiful inspiration!!! You bring tears to me eyes with every single video! I think you are amazing and stronger than any normal human! Bless You Enlightened one!
Psychologically compromised is a perfect term for it. Emotional self control, indifference, social boundaries like the Berlin Wall and proactive practice solutions...then maybe healing.
The awakening is so real!!!!!!
So good! The words "slowly and skillfully" speak volumes. I was tormented for decades by a sibling and the trauma bond was extremely difficult to break. Thank goodness those days are well behind me.
Ive been abuse all my life to and only realised it was my mother in 2020 so had to leave the home.
Thank you for explaining in such an eloquent manner. I was brought up by 2 x narcissists full of control and very critical. I developed an Anxiety disorder along with Depression at age 17 with no support. I had to muddle through on my own wondering what was going for me. From aged 14 to now aged 54 every romantic relationship I have been in has been with a Narcissist to varying degrees. My current relationship of 3yrs is with a Covert Narcissist which I have tried to leave since Feb 2022. I am realising now I need help to once and for all instigate my healing. I went No Contact for 6 months but he turned up on my doorstep with a hand written letter and bam I was back in again because of the Psychological/Mind manipulation I am so used to. I have just sought help and will hopefully end this cycle for good. Psychological Mental Abuse is the most damaging because when you are apart from your abuser all you can hear in your head is their voice :(
Jill, I am amazed at your content and how beautifully you present it. Many thanks for all the hard work you do so that we may do the work of recovery from narcissistic abuse. ❤
❤️🙏❤️
In may head, it is always my fault no matter where I am or who I am with.
Yes, this is the way they do it. Learn more and take your power back ! Time to starve them of narc food and feel free !
Jill, Thank you so much for amazing video's that take us out of the fog ! ❤
I'm so effed I misread a facial expression of coy lust for a tell my ex was about to go nuclear. So instead of leaning in I was looking for escape.
By the way, I always knew that the narc wasn't telling the truth. It was for me tiring to keep trying and trying to protect the truth in this never ending word salad conversations. Thanks to you and other coaches these days I leave the conversation at the moment the manipulation starts - works amazing !
Thank you so much for your video's ! They are a big support to us ! ❤
By the way, I also have only 1 child - bcs the narc destroyed my recovery- I almost died :(
My life with this person a survival - constant fight for just being.. These people do not stop with their toxic ways ... Some new laws must be made .
Congratulations in your channel ! Great job ! Thank you so much for the power you give us to make the day ! ❤
Your words are always so spot on. Thank you.The offensive mirroring wants me to not get back to the person I-was before marriage,I was The confident, successful, independent women.I have been blocked by opposition too long costing me huge losses.
Thank you, Jill
💪❤✌️💯. That's one thing my real father taught me from an early age. 👊 I watched this from my siblings to my mother. 10:26
You hit it on the head!!! Thank you for trying to help people in these kind of circumstances!
Your certainly enlightening this Survivor. Thank You❤
I have "seen" slowly, that i AM surrounded by narcs & toxic abusers. Have been & am being the skapegoat for family, adult children & my ex.(still). Wonderful to find validation. Maybe theres still hope for a "life"????
Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this Jill, Peace, love and respect to you and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high God ⚖🌈🐎✌🕊😃🦄🕆🦁😇👽☘💙🌌💛🌹❤📚💜
Thank you for posting! Very well said video... Its a wild wild world out there! Everybody Hang in!youve got this❤
It is scary till the time we unaware of this stupidity. But the movement we see through them, tables are turned on them.
It's too late, we have accept the way they are and manage our inner core to be peaceful and no longer involve with the stupidity😂💞💞🌹🙏
Thanks🌹🙏
Excellent video! Took me lots of counseling to find myself again!
Thank you, very much. Your videos are very helpful to understanding a lot of things that have happened in my past.
I missed your videos. My agorythme or whatever that is cut out my notifications of this station and others I get support from. I have a few females I support and learn from. No notification and trying monitor few chickens new activity so busier. I love your work and wisdom!❤🎉❤😢. Thank you for this lesson:)❤🎉
Thank you So much Jill.
Wonderful education, and help.
I'm Autistic and been confused,abused, and Scared My narcissist is my mil 22 years now, on todays economy(let's give you some money), Your in the military come on, you need it(we don't)..... We joined the military to get away JS
Thank you so much Jill ❤ God bless you❤😊
You are so welcome
Chronic health issues have kept me dependent on my narc parents my entire life. No financial resources to get out of this situation, or to get the therapy I need. No support from anyone.
I'm a sixty year old basket case. Don't end up like me, find a way out.
@@rahrahrobbbieee Well, you can pray for me. And I will pray for you.
I pray that you and I find some inner peace. I believe we deserve it.❤❤ @@janeylynn5934
You need to find other real Christians you can trust so you can follow Mathew 18:15-17 KJV and other truth exposing, reconciling scriptures. Possibly non believing people who care about the abuser may be capable of follow Gods word to restore abuser Christ! It is the only way to be free of demonic situation you are in. It is how you hold a person accountable biblically, so that they have an opportunity to see the light of truth, meaning they see Christ (they are really confronted by Gods Holy Spirit in you), so they can be saved, or they will reject Gods will and maybe flee or you will have the permission and power of Christ to leave the abuser if that is Gods will right now (He will show you what to do)! God always has a way of escape from evil (without neglecting abandoning the abuser. And that is to turn the problem over to God by having faith in God and follow His scriptures).
After being biblically confronted, those who choose Christ will be saved and those who choose to hate God and you, will continue to be abusive, but will most likely emotionally or physically “leave you”, by ignoring you, but God will have a much more God glorifying path for your life!
The most difficult part is often finding true Christians who will follow Gods word (Mathew 18:15-17 KJV, and love you and the abuser enough to obey God and biblically confront evil in the most loving way). It is difficult to find people who love God and others, because we are in end times. 🙏
Thank You So Much! Love You! ❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤍
I recently got to deal with an elderly narcissist...88 years old..if I hadn't studied narcissism...I wouldn't have recognized it...but when her 70 year old daughter told me that her mother is very narcissistic....and a white elitist....I was like wow...I saw that...but geeze...for her own daughter to tell me that.....kinda blew me away Jill...thanks again for your Insight
Thank you!
I must be the luckiest man alive, I went from a terrible narcissist to a completely evil one with a mother who is the devil
It’s really crazy how it makes you think of killing yourself every day
I'm so with you.
This is a split image of my father but i refuse to get up my idea of that maybee im wrong. The tactics is so evil and corrupts the brain and I hope your teminder will push me back into my healing process again !
I was abused from day 1 but like a frog in the boiling pot
I felt sick destroyed depressed for years and thought I was mentally challenged. After the divorce then only I knew I was already destroyed by my ex.
She took everything away from me my friends, my family, my properties, my mental health, my children now , everything I loved she destroyed. I was left walking the streets for a few years. Narcissist are fatal if they are your spouse.
Thank You Jill, really good video. I think a video like this will help a lot of people. Unfortunately in my case I am totally trapped because if I ever left which I have no desire to do, an innocent person would die. I know what is going on I just persevere and endure with my Christian Faith and it is helping me through it all. However mentally I am tired and my desires are weak, I have become exhausted somewhat. The abuser is a Narcopath he has NPD and ASPD, he is a very powerful deceiver, his aim is to destroy me and make me his slave. I have no intention of giving up my Christianity EVER, so I think the abuser will probably go mad in the end. I do not know if you can understand this but it is the Holy Spirit of the Holy Bible that is keeping me alive through all this abuse which has been going on now for over ten years. Take care and may your day be blessed.
You need to find other real Christians you can trust so you can follow Mathew 18:15-17 KJV and other truth exposing, reconciling scriptures. Possibly non believing people who care about the abuser may be capable of follow Gods word to restore abuser Christ! It is the only way to be free of demonic situation you are in. It is how you hold a person accountable biblically, so that they have an opportunity to see the light of truth, meaning they see Christ (they are really confronted by Gods Holy Spirit in you), so they can be saved, or they will reject Gods will and maybe flee or you will have the permission and power of Christ to leave the abuser if that is Gods will right now (He will show you what to do)! God always has a way of escape from evil (without neglecting abandoning the abuser. And that is to turn the problem over to God by having faith in God and follow His scriptures).
After being biblically confronted, those who choose Christ will be saved and those who choose to hate God and you, will continue to be abusive, but will most likely emotionally or physically “leave you”, by ignoring you, but God will have a much more God glorifying path for your life!
The most difficult part is often finding true Christians who will follow Gods word (Mathew 18:15-17 KJV, and love you and the abuser enough to obey God and biblically confront evil in the most loving way). It is difficult to find people who love God and others, because we are in end times. 🙏
@@veritaslux644 Just wanted to say thank you for your response, I do appreciate it because it looks to me like you had spent a lot of time and thought in your response. I am going to read it again to try and fully capture what you are saying. Take care and may your day be blessed.
8:13 wow
Thank you ⚘️
Please....this us just like her... 57 year old woman, I am 59 year old man..... I escaped today for good...no contact and my silence ....What motivates these selfish narcs/
Power and control.
It's also called Disney Movies_ brainwashed into " why can't we have nice things" _ We not worthy ,,_ we minion slaves with PhDs working for Nimrod the Bully.
Jesus. He’s the the only one that can fix it. ✨♥️✨
The Ex brainwashed the kids. I tried to get them to understand what she was doing with her wording, but they usually couldn't see through her, & when they did, they'd shrug it off. It became another one of the successive generations that was destroyed by one bitch after another. One of my sons may be next.
💯
you are awesome- I'm not love bombing, can I be sure I'm not love bombing?
@terryfbro It depends on the intent behind it and I've seen inappropriate comments, which yours isn't at all, on other beautiful narcissism
counsellors videos, unless you were just mucking around! 😊
Hello I just got out of a very narcissistic abusive relationship of two years. How do I do one on one counseling with you?
Visit my website or send me an email. Both are listed and linked in the description of my videos.
The jokes yup. My best friend witnessed them and got in my wife’s face. No, that was not funny.