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Top 5 TOXIC ARGUMENT STRATEGIES That Narcissists Use
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- čas přidán 18. 08. 2024
- In today's video Jill explains the top 5 most toxic argument strategies that Narcissists use on their victim to win every argument. The reasons that we enter an argument with someone, are completely different from the Narcissists. We enter into arguments in order to find honest resolution, so that we can fix whatever happened so something like that doesn't happen again. Narcissists see arguments as a competition and their only objective for engaging in an argument is to WIN. And this video is going to explain the exact toxic tactics that Narcissists use against you in an argument to win, when they are obviously guilty.
Jill Wise, otherwise known as The Enlightened Target, is a life long survivor of narcissistic abuse. She was raised by a malignant narcissist and married to a malignant narcissist, she has endured years of parental alienation, has repeatedly been targeted by narcissists throughout her life. She has an intimate understanding of all aspects of narcissistic abuse and Cptsd. She uses her experience and what she has learned to help educate others and bring awareness to narcissistic abuse. She is also a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach and works with clients all over the world heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse, parental alienation and Complex Ptsd.
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Accountability is kryptonite to them.
1,000,000,000 on point!
Leaving is the best option. When you have ptsd as soon as your not stuck...run as far as you can
I often get, "I'm not going to do this, I'm not going to keep going in circles with you. I'm not going to have the same conversation over and over."
I called it the circular argument he’d say I’m not doing this but then do it anyway I’d bite my tongue until I snapped & he’d b happy with making me nasty but refused to see he was doing this to me
I always got, “I was joking!” This from someone who never told a joke in their life. It’s all about them having cover for their hurtful remarks. They say something hurtful, then observe your reaction, so they can feel better. Sadism, pure and simple. They get off on hurting you. Do you want someone like that in your life? In fact, you want the exact opposite of that in your partner. Someone that has your back and supports your dreams and asperations.
P Rant...So true. I wasted 20 years living with a female narcissist who pulled the "I was joking" deal a million times. That plus all the other things like the lying, stealing, overblown ego and a complete divorce from reality. You know...those little things (kidding).
Yes like 'I'm only teasing you' 🤮
I agree heartedly.
Oh my God you just described a big part of marriage. Wife would get drunk and then trash me to me our friends for hours. Afterwards when I would say something she would say I was just joking like there is something wrong with me for not wanting to be trashed for hours so she could get validation from others. Also never told a joke in her life.
@@jeremysnyder9920 I was married to a female who wasn't a narcissist, but merely an asshole and she used to pull the same stunt. You see, she "settled" for me because the alpha male Chad who was banging her for years with no dates, dinners, presents or flowers...just having sex with her and leaving, well anyway, he was never going to marry her and the clock was ticking! So she married a beta simp---Me! They only reason I knew he existed was she kept bringing him up as the 'Superior Male' who was perfect. After three years of that BS I divorced her and moved on and that was 35 years ago.
6. Start speaking harshly, so you back down to prevent a fight.
7.Change the subject, or remind you of your faults.
8. Name calling
9. Lie.
Sounds familiar
they are quick to name call and put it back on you
@@pauljones5066 Aye, conveniently forgetting that while they're pointing a finger at you, they're pointing three fingers at themselves.
They all act the same. If I find their rule book I will burn it. ❤😂
Too many people don’t understand the victim of a narcissist. I was extremely abused growing up with my Covert Narcissistic mother& they don’t even recognize it yet in the mental health in America. So that makes me with heavy PTSD- feel ignored all over again. Like people did when I was young after she ruined my name with them. I hope you get this. Ty
Carolyn, please educate yourself a little more. Also, there are many other channels, that deal with an NM and daughter.
Peace Sister
I get it Carolyn. Hugh and love !
I agree 👍
Thanks so much♥️
@@matilda1505 ♥️
My Lord! This sounds just like my narc dad! He makes big promises and future fakes, then when he goes back on his promises and you question him about it, he makes you feel guilty for questioning his lies. He does all the things you just mentioned! Thanks so much for this video!
♥️
1. Gasligthing
2. Minimize your distress
3. Blame shifting
4. Word salad
5. Levelling
"Word SALAD"🌟
All to excuse their inexcusable behavior and actions.
For sure!
6. Devaluing
7. Discarding/stonewalling (your punishment)
Money abuse. Always control money and wastes money. Making it harder on you.
I lived like this for many many many years. My abuser grommed me right out of highschool & the beautiful empath took the bait. After 15yrs, three kids later & being chronically ill for many years is when i finally seen through the Narcissists... Knowledge is empowerment & empowerment leads to growth that leads to true healing. Thank you for the awareness you are shedding light on🦋 Narcissistic abuse is not talked about enough nor understood by those who have not gone through it. These types of relationships are soul sucking & disease causes🙏
This is me, two kids and 11 years in.
❤❤❤
You are absolutely right
Hugs and hugs, escaped mine. And my sister did too.
I feel like my mum has put up ( through sheer willpower of not going back home to her family with her tail between her legs, as I don’t think they approved of her choices,ie. Young mother(17) in Northern Ireland early 70’s. ). The narcisissism I and my mum endured and growing up any bullying I had my dad just laughed.
Then because there was a family business vibe going on. Which I didn’t want to do. I ended up work an apprenticeship in low self esteem. No confidence and very little laughter. Even though ,with the rest of the world he is charm personified.
My younger siblings didn’t experience anything like that themselves. So …
I’ve been pummelled, pilloried,gaslight, embarrassed any superlative imaginable I’ve been through it.
Bad thoughts, bad feelings =bad decisions + bad actions =. It’s hard to come back from that.
However, I do know that not everyone in the world is negative. And I still consider myself a positive , and still learning and growing person who can finally learn to take experience from those negative moments and be super careful who I let into my life from now on. But my mother. She has to have super powers like Wonder Woman the resilience she has shown to be still married 49 years on. And still able to handle my dads shitty moods. The main reason has always been because he was Ill. He was diagnosed with chrohns disease at 19. Needed a colostomy bag fitted aged32, so he’s understandably going to be in pain and grumpy. So that’s been the case all my life. But my dad is 67 now passed retirement age but still works a as a floorlayer. Which is bloody hard work. So we’ve give him a pass all these years. As he’s a workaholic and looked after his family very well. Just not very pleasantly alongside that. I’d love to help b my mum understand the narcissistic tendencies and I always send her links. Just I’ve had a life changing operation that means I can’t do that type of work anymore I had to have my hip reconstructed. So I’m in a bit of reflective period in my life. Where at nearly 50. I have to find something to earn money that doesn’t involve heavy lifting of carpets Etc. I’ve always been quite a spiritual person and really I would like to look into that and see if that avenue is the one I should have taken years ago. Instead of being laughed at
Yep. The moment I came home from running errands today, he accused me of something he is guilty of. I confess, I was tired and still needed to put groceries away so I flipped him off and went ahead with what I had been doing. He seemed satisfied that he got a nasty reaction from me, made a couple more comments and then dropped it. I'm just so tired of the continual negativity.
MAKE HIDDEN QUIET PLANS TO LEAVE AND GO NO CONTACT.
@@treelover1050 My circumstances are not easy to work around. I only learned what the problem in our relationship was over the last couple years. Now that I see it for what it is, I'm 70 years old, retired, and very limited income. Not enough to live out on my own...or I would. 6 years ago, I left him. Was gone for 10 months. He hovered me and he went to counselors to try and persuade me and begged me to return. Ignorantly, I thought things might be better if I returned. Boy, was I wrong.
@@laurelvance5533 I hear what you are saying. I am a 75-year-old woman, and I left my narcissistic abuser 30 years ago. I didn't realize at the time that he was a narcissist, but now I see it clearly. He had total control over me. Make a plan, make a strategy. I know it's not easy, but living in a room in someone's house, paying rent, is better than being abused every minute of your life. Start saving money, maybe making a little extra money with skills that you have, such as gardening or sewing. I feel for you. I hope you get out soon. Life is beautiful after life with a narcissist.
@@spir5102 Thank you so much. I will be considering your suggestions. I envy your freedom and the peace you most certainly must be enjoying now. 💕
My nightmare was 30 years. I couldn’t leave. Small children and financial issues. The usual
Mine you to correct every single thing I said and then review with me all the things I shouldn’t have said to other people such as something innocuous as the dishwasher broke and I had to call a repair person. Why? Because then people would know he didn’t know how to fix it
But my fave was after he emotionally destroyed me with whatever and I told him how I felt this is the response
“oh, it wasn’t so bad”
Ugh absolutely disgusting
I wanted to know if anyone else had the experience of their narc sub human ditching them when walking out side. Mine would walk two blocks ahead and every one in a while look back to see if i was there. Bizarre behavior.
The good news is i am now happily remarried to a wonderful guy.
There are rainbows 🌈
Girl, it flabbergasts me daily!!!! I know exactly what you are saying and it’s nuts! They’re nuts. Get out when u can!!! No contact!!
Just blew up on me this morning, Jill. The timing of this video is 🤯😳😭 I’m being gaslit by him calling me the gaslighter. Jill, I CAN’T. The hunt for an apt is in full force by me and my wonderfully supportive friends. 🙏🏼
Well done, you. You deserve it. Perhaps you would consider watching Batel Skater's "When darkness can't hide from the light", to prep you for the road ahead.
Stay strong and get out! Shut the door and never look back. You haven’t wasted anything, you’ve gained so much. Get into therapy once you’re safe and live the beautiful life you have waiting for you. Much love and blessings to you. You’ve got this. 🙏💙
@@rolandoscar1696 yes!! That’s a good one and her take on narcissist are dark false selves
I swear they are demon agents
@@anissa-joneal5277 Agreed. And they want to drag everyone down into oblivion with them. That is their happiness.
Be aware of the trauma bond, it will suck you back in. No contact it the best way to go, if that's not possible, go grey rock.
They will not validate anything you say and are solid in their victimization.
So frustrating!
My son had schizophrenia. He was a kind, gentle, compassionate person. His dad however is a full blown narcissist. Verified by a psychiatrist or psychologist (forget which one.) My son was extremely empathetic. He passed away in 2011 from the disease. He couldn't handle the pain anymore.
@@human_4real
It sure is!!!! Have to remember it takes two hands to clap and you need to flat out STOP playing patty cake with these immature babies. 😊
@@bonnieblood3983 oh my everything that you said is absolutely heartbreaking!! Especially coming from another mother. I am so sorry that a lose of your son has become a reality in your lives fe which would no question be the only thing in the world that I personally don’t think I would be able to handle. I don’t know what to say except that im so very sorry and that I absolutely understand the damage and unexplainable abused that disfunction on a medium to high level can cause. God bless you for your strength 🙏 carry on with your path and know you are not alone in everything. ❤️🙏❤️
CJ
Thank you
Last spring I was with someone who was already late and I actually wanted to leave, but I got a phone call that kept me in that spot and he arrived in the meantime. He 'begged' me to stay and he got me in some kind of lock. I was gaslighted all afternoon and I couldn't get rid of it until he said 'you are so conflicted, I am smiley and in harmony' that I got up and cycled away. He started with an overload of texting. But it was only after 2 km that it dawned on me what had happened and I was exhausted. Blocked him everywhere. Now there is damage to me, but I have also become very sensitive and aware about it. Can you imagine the hypnotic effect on normies.
"you are so conflicted, I am smiley and in harmony" Oh man! In letters my father would basically say the same thing, talk about my anger and then let me know that he was "at peace" with himself. *eye roll* I hear ya!
If you always own your flaws and foibles it’s particularly hard to be blamed for theirs too!!
I went through a heated two year custody battle with my kid's mother, who'd had her heavy drug addiction exposed. The dark side of her narcissism was it in full swing, and I started watching these videos on order to understand what I was dealing with.
I was awarded custody by the way.
Thanks to these videos I've gotten better at identifying narcissistic behaviors. I recently quit the job I've had for 15 years because my boss ticks every narc box you've outlined and there was absolutely no way to effectively communicate with him. I got real tired of beating my head against the wall just attempting to express myself in a healthy way.
Oh my gosh this is SO BANG ON!!
Great reminder! In hindsight I was actually laughing…but it’s no laughing matter ..1.5 years free after 11 years, jumped out a window to save my life… PLAN PLAN PLAN…I studied quietly not telling a soul and still could never be prepared for what was to come. But all that preparation I believe saved my life!
They are so in denial and unrealistic to defend and justify their fake ego self,only care about themselves and how u help them,no empathy care,support or love unless it benefits them in some way. Sad for them
I deal with many 'homeless Americans' during the work week. These homeless are masters of 'word salad'.
My ex would literally bait me into an argument and I’d call her on her BS and she would accuse me of gaslighting. Always had me second guessing everything. Drove me absolutely crazy
They love to bait! And your like, “ here we go again, then your so tired mentally after, actually wondering if it was us & they win ( again !)
I can relate completely to every point you described. Ive experienced it all my life, and especially the point 'word salad' appeals the most. I was always so confused and tired after an argument, that I couldn't find the right words to tell someone else about it. Its like I was brainwashed within the argument, and decided to forget about it. Thank you so much for your insight 🙏🏼
Glad you got out of the narcissistic fog. Took me many years and one courageous person to say "Hey, this isn't right!" to finally snap out of it. These types of videos are golden! Keep searching them out🌹
♥️
WOW!!!! My NARC father spot on. He was so good he could wrap up all 5 styles in one "lashing out". Then we were expected to come back to the "alter" an apologize and agree he was correct. So glad I finally figured it out and left the relationship 10 months ago. Has not been easy but getting better with each month that passes. Thanks for your videos.
It took me 5 decades to realize the truth! I here you♥️
I need to listen to this video repeatedly until it is ingrained in my brain! This is exactly how the ones in my life act and/or operate. This video explains them perfectly! Thanks for all your great work!
Narcissist is finally defined, the first step to make them powerless, what this woman knows is very valuable
When I told a narcissist that I used a particular cleaning product to clean a household item, they instantly ignored how clean the item was and instead told me that I did not use the product I used. If that’s not an attempt to manipulate my understanding of reality, then I don't know what is. It's amazing how they are hardwired to instantaneously default to manipulations, distortions, and unnecessary competitiveness. This cannot possibly be learned behavior; it’s in their DNA, as it is so natural for them to behave this way. I realize that many people disagree that narcissists are born with ("undiagnosed") narcissistic personality disorder.
I believe it’s biological.
You are always so spot on! Thank you for your continuing validation for what we’ve suffered through, fought and left in an entirely different atmosphere! I never argued back with my egg donour, I just pulled out the email, recording, video etc. and showed it back. Even with company over. The end result was always the same; not even a minute in I was told I was a horrible person and off she stomped to her room, slammed both doors and refused to emerge. It was such a lovely break! As was the silent treatment. She hated she couldn’t beat me down. When she said ‘I’m not speaking to you!’ My response was ‘promise?!’, then walk away. Shame she broke my siblings and contributed to their self inflicted deaths. I’m finally to that brilliant point in my life that she truly means nothing to me. I’m the only remaining child so she can’t shatter me. She has no control and is truly non existent in my world. I laugh now at things that I recall because it’s just so pathetic. I allowed the wee lass inside to mourn, told her she did nothing to deserve such wretched treatment and I’ve been free for years. ❤ I help people now who are in such relationships and it’s so rewarding.
17 years - behind closed doors - under my boss/spiritual leader. This toxicity will unravel a normal human.
17 years HERE too and I HEAR YOU!!
3. Blame shiftng. I had my SO start saying...we BOTH need to apologize. We BOTH did aomething wrong. I was like oh like what did I do?
And when you ask what you did, they won’t answer with specifics. It’ll be vague. Because you did nothing wrong and they just want to be the hero and you the bad guy.
Hero, victim or martyr or combination of all 3! That was the best!! Thank you, your videos really help!
Thank you
I was alone with confusion and despair until I found my “tribe” of people who KNOW. and share experiences just like me.
I am no longer a victim terrified I am crazy. Reality know one on earth is like me .
Thank God for you and all the REAL EXPERIENCED people shouting from the rooftops. Making up for lost time.
God bless you.
At one point or another my father did ALL of these things. When I got accepted to college, my father (the narcissist) was hemming and hawing and taking forever to make his decision if he would help pay tuition or not. So my mom wrote a note to my aunt & uncle asking for financial assistance and sent it up with me when my father took my younger siblings and I up to their (aunt & uncle's) house for a family event. Towards the end of the evening, my aunt and uncle called the grown ups into a room, sat me down in a chair, and asked what this was all about; why wasn't my father stepping up? My father then did the "word salad" thing and shifted the blame to me, saying that I treated him like an ATM (I never went to him for money, it was his tool of manipulation), and I was unworthy of his help for this and that reason, etc.
That experience was humiliating. I understand being blindsided and not knowing what to say in the moment as an observer, but not one person present encouraged or comforted me afterwards, except my aunt who hugged me and asked if I was okay. I drove home with my older brother (who was not in the room during that humiliation) and before I could shut the door to the car my father had the gall to hold the door and say loud enough for everyone else who was also leaving the event, "I love you," like he was the benevolent patient parent extending a golden arm back to the family flock of conformity.
That memory of that humiliation was so significant; it was the beginning of the end.
I made it through college and in my 20's grew into my own person. It took me awhile to find the courage to have a boyfriend and eventually I got married to a wonderful man who loves me the way I am, doesn't mind when I call him out, and can disagree with me without making me feel like a piece of crap for having a contrary opinion. My father is no longer in my life except when he texts "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas", which is nice, but after everything... I won't let him in. He's never met my children except for when the oldest was 3 months old at his mother's funeral in 2015 and I hope he passes away before my children become aware that they've only ever met grandpa on daddy's side. (My father's 84, so there's a fair chance of that.)
Conflation is the merging of two or more sets of information, texts, ideas, opinions, etc., into one, often in error.[1] Conflation is often misunderstood. It originally meant to fuse or blend, but has since come to mean the same as equate, treating two similar but disparate concepts as the same. Merriam Webster suggest this happened relatively recently, entering their dictionary in 1973.[2]
In logic, it is the practice of treating two distinct concepts as if they were one, which produces errors or misunderstandings as a fusion of distinct subjects tends to obscure analysis of relationships which are emphasized by contrasts.[3] However, if the distinctions between the two concepts may appear to be superficial, intentional conflation can be desirable for the sake of conciseness and recall.
In psychology, confabulation is a memory error defined as the production of fabricated, distorted, or misinterpreted memories about oneself or the world. It is generally associated with certain types of brain damage (especially aneurysm in the anterior communicating artery) or a specific subset of dementias.[1] While still an area of ongoing research, the basal forebrain is implicated in the phenomenon of confabulation. People who confabulate present with incorrect memories ranging from subtle inaccuracies to surreal fabrications, and may include confusion or distortion in the temporal framing (timing, sequence or duration) of memories.[2] In general, they are very confident about their recollections, even when challenged with contradictory evidence.[3]
sometimes this is whats happening and when dealing with cluster types there is trauma still present. to which npds are part of the fight type survival types and also avoidant to fearful avoidant so when they get upset especially if bpd when they cannot regulate their emotions this is bound to happen
Thank you, Jill. I felt so brainwashed that I was so confused about the kind of person I am. Thank you for gently and firmly supporting, guiding and encouraging survivors to reclaim self worth.
I never met a woman who does not see an argument as win at all cost
That is funny, that's how all males have done with me. They had to win at all costs.🤔
Do you both really mean that?
Those are both pretty gross generalizations!
Cheryl Barnes,
What difference does it make to you?
@@bonnieblood3983
Hi Bonnie,
Thank you for your reply.
I thought maybe you two were joking, because what you each wrote cannot be true.
I've heard so many hateful generalizations aimed at Men, Women, Whites, Blacks, Jewish people, Boomers, Gen z,...
This is detrimentally devisive!
The words we choose make a huge difference since words represent ideas and they have the power to affect people's lives at their core.
Of what value could an exchange of perspectives be, in a forum such as this, without absolute truth?
The truth must be protected.
Watching this video makes me sick to my stomach. My ex-wife has used all of these things on me. It's been a few years since I've gone no contact with her, and I thought I put it all behind me, but I'm surprised I can feel this ill when watching this video. It still boggles my mind that one person can treat another in this way.
My exgf used to argue by dragging up any past event and remove any context - physical & emotional.
Her:”You hit me with a hammer”
Me:”No, you fell over, put your hand out - unfortunately between the moving hammer and the nail I was busy hitting. I have you an ice pack, a massage, cooked dinner and was distraught despite it being you that put your hand in harm’s way”
She’s recently conspired with a mutual friend (obvious not) to get her/their hands on some equipment they wanted for a gig. I’m an overthinker so figured it out and turned up at the gig - they looked like deer in the headlights. I should have just taken it all away there and then, but chose the higher ground at the time. With hindsight I should have just said “I’m done with you two, pack it up and bring it down to my car, I’ll be waiting.”
And when it was safely in the car I should have closed with “Do not ever ask me for anything again. Now Fk off.”
The problem is that I’ve been pushed to the edge by her nonsense, was hugely tempted to whisper “get tested, you gave me an STD” in her ear and stomp off… knowing damn well that it would have really messed up her night - but I’m still kind of hoping to get her back - I am a moron!!
But she would have been the victim - she’s always been stunned when I’ve taken the stick she’s beaten me with and poked her back, but never once said “ah, I deserved that”
My ex's favorite "go to” gaslight was: Her: ”I already told you _________.” Me: ” You never told me that. You never said anything about that at all." Her: ”Well you never listen to me so it's not surprising that you don't remember me telling you.”
it's so true. yes I absolutely agree a 100%. It hurts so much.
Just about every argument we had, she would bring up stuff I did over 17 years ago.
Before I ever heard of 'word salad', I started telling my narc hub that I wasn't going to get into one of his circle conversations. He always acts like he's hurt and doesn't know what I'm talking about. I say, where the conversation starts here and circles around to the beginning again. Nothing ever gets resolved and I am fed up with him. Now I just try to ignore his questions and repeat what I said over and over till he either answers my question or shuts up.
Word salad lol it is sooooo confusing and completely derails any conversation. They make no sense and refuse to stay on topic or speak facts or truth. It's as if you're sucked into a debate with a 5 year old.
Excellent topic.
Also, great reminders
Thank you.
Peace 💕💕
"No weapon formed against me shall prosper and EVERY TONGUE THAT RISETH UP AGAINST THEE THOUGH SHALT REFUTE. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord Jesus."
YOU'RE AMAZING IAM THANKFUL I FOUND THIS PODCAST... Thank you❤❤❤❤
“Everything you say are lies”. I have heard that countless times.
This is the best video I have seen on this information. Thank you so much.
LOGIC pushes back on ALL THEIR shady tactics: every single time the narc would pull some stunt-almost always specifically "set up" to draw me into some irrational conflict, I outsmarted them...THAT only poured "gasoline" on their frustration & RAGE. Repeated attempts got even less attention & more logic = amplified frustration & RAGE. I won't compromise myself for anyone...nor will I "feed" any attempt to degrade me or my capability or accomplishments... repeatedly trying to dump my degrees in the trash DOES NOT ELIMINATE THEM, but it IS very telling of how much they were intimidated by their very existence!!! Constantly repeating THE SAME LIES that were decimated by COURTS years ago isn't gonna "all of a sudden reverse a verdict rendered years ago." Their actions & words mimic a mentally deranged petulant CHILD... & I put them into a "straight jacket" waaaaaaaaay back. No relevancy... they're an annoying mosquito!!!🖤
Bravo, Jill! Thank you so much for grounding us in reality! With love, from Ukraine. 🙏 ♥️
Aw, thank you!! I’m praying for you and your country. God bless all of you. Ukraine is in America’s thoughts and prayers. ❤️🙏❤️
@@theenlightenedtarget Thank you so much for your prayers, Dear Jill! We are grateful to American people from the bottom of our hearts for all the help and support at this difficult time! With all these blackouts we are learning to appreciate such simple things as electricity, water, daily bread. You cannot even imagine what tortures people on the occupied territories are going through... Above all, we desperately need more weapons as well as knowledge on narcissism and psychopathy. If we hadn't projected our good qualities upon those who have no conscience or empathy, we would have been much better prepared for this war. Most people here refused to believe that those who called themselves our "brothers", would start a war to rob, rape and kill us... It is the war between those who have empathy and those, who don't. We must survive and win. Thank you once again for grounding us in reality! 🙏🙏🙏♥️
Jill, thank you. You are fantastic - so articulate, accurate and empowering 💜
Instead of leveling would a narcissist say sarcastically admitting to fault out of anger and then walk away because that's the last thing that they can do to deflect guilt or wrongdoing?
Awesome video…Thank you.
From JANESVILLE, WI
How about eliciting an argument then blaming you for reacting to their warped chaotic accusations and insinuations?
I noticed a lot of “ you” statements, stonewalling on inquiry, word salad, subtle and not so subtle attacks on my character which was offensive and yet not only there was no apology but my reaction used against me! Oh there’s so much more !
I've seen what you're describing summed up as "bait and bash"-- first they do things to provoke their target, then they go victim when the target finally reacts, and their enablers rush to protect them from their target :(
Thank you very much for this superb topic ❤
Narcissists feed of the reaction which for them are more important then the subject of matter in communication. (If you ever can call it that by deflecting themselves from authentic facts and matters of subjective individuated mind). "The mother ship"theory can be applied here and it would be interesting with a video applying these techniques to find pathways out. Have had an intensive week studying your videos and also saw resolutions to problems. Leaving the webb of confusion but still have forums to rely on while surviving the whole process.
For some reason the algos started bombing me with these vids on narcissism......
And now I see the similarities with my current and former partners.
It's not the type of woman I'm attracted to, but rather it's the type of woman that's always been attracted to me.
My wife calls me a wife beater in front of my children after my case was dismissed of the criminal charges of DV. She outright set me up before i knew she was a narcissist.
"Levelling" is exactly what my sister did to me yesterday...🥴
I told her if this happens (the situation that had happened) again that is it!!.
And I will walk, I have had a gutfull... nearly 59 years of it...
Omg !!😯.. I have been thinking I'm losing my mind.. I literally hate this girl but can't make myself dump her 🤦♂️ because I don't want to hurt her feelings 🤦🏽🤦🏽🤦🏽 you were just telling me what I've been going through for 18months!!! 😈 gas lighting huh😤
Deflect deflect deflect!! My NM uses intimidation as well. Also, side note* You look beautiful in this video! Love your hair style and this top! Very classy!
Thank you for this video and especially for the ending I really need to hear that more often, because "not caring" is such an odd and uncomfortable feeling for me, I start thinking that I am the same as him, therefore I should give him a break, cut him some slack, ie let him off the hook.
Thank you for the great content
Spot on!
Thank you, this video brings everything right up to date by algorithm’s
So disgusting and I cannot leave. As you said dangerous.
Great video - thank you
I am not in anyway shape fashion or form of the Narcissists I will tell myself that Every single day the journey to recovery 😊 SUPER EMPATH
“How dare you be upset over the Fck shit I do!”
From seeing my sister grow into full-blown narcissism, I believe that the characteristic is akin to schizophrenia.
My ex and now my children. All that you described I went through and still going through my children now. But they can not confuse me because I have certain belief and principles I stick to my ground and I stop talking to them no matter how long it's takes. And that's what makes them so mad.
It's that how true each and every one of these are.
Excellent information, very helpful. Thank you.
Very true 😢
This was good.
My psychotic covert narcissistic mother use number 1,2, and 3 on me on things she was absolutely guilty of herself. I need to look out for when she starts using number 4 and 5.
Wow all of these this person is doing to me and smearing my name, private messaging friends calling me the narcissist 😮 it’s unbelievable. I honestly thought my mum was one. Might need to say sorry because this is by far worse then what my mum did to me. This is a friendship which thankfully was only a year and a half
I've been around narcissistic people my whole life and still dealing with the trauma PTSD anxiety panic disorder from all of it that started when I was just a child that continued with the same things being said to me with the same patterns and behaviors as if she didn't already know I spent time in a domestic violence shelter . I know what abuse is and I'm being gas lit into thinking and being minimized that I am wrong or exaggerating or that I am a liar I'm supposed to believe it's the worst thing ever that could happen to anybody I don't wish it on anyone . I'm working on healing and doing the work that it takes with CBT and DBT therapy and regular therapy on a consistent regular basis to be able to live the rest of my life in peace
They lied to me on the adoption for my precious granddaughters. I called them out on it. Instead of owning up to it, they blocked me and I haven’t seen my babies for 5 months. Now how is that fair?
Thank you Jill!!!
If 90+ percent of what you are accusing that narcissist of is true, that narcissist will still deny the whole thing because what was said wasn’t 100% true. If what was said is 100% true, that narcissist will still demand evidence assuming they address it at all. That said, Narcissist will never voluntarily fill in the blanks for you no matter how much you try to reason with them. That’s too easy
That' s what he says.❤
They'd hate this video ,..you're giving away all their trade secrets 😂😂💪💗
Word Salad champions of the world!
I got out two year's ago. Run don't walk.
Mine is such a waste of air when he wants to argue....DENIAL.....DONT EVEN KNOW I AM LYING!!!!DENIAL!!!
I wish more family court plus judges and lawyers are well trained and recognised narcissistic behaviour
Thank you
I had a total blowout with my dad’s narcissistic gf, she literally denied facts and tantrums she had had even happened and there were numerous witnesses! She is still lying and spreading bile about me to all my family. I hope my father sees the light at a time very soon! This narc has started to threaten to leave my dad what are the chances she actually will?!! X
when you use the term blame shift are you implying transference and countertransference(projection& deflection)?
Exact description of my life with my Ex Husband- all of it
I Liked, subscribed, shared & comment. 👍👍
Make a statement about your loyalty or love " you dont like to spend time with the family"
She said I did something I didn’t do & accuses me of something I didn’twant. I proved her wrong as I had messages. She left & blamed me, told me if I didn’t do what she wanted we were no longer friends. The next day she told me she never said any of it. I told her I don’t play games & we blocked each other,
Narcissist quote -
"You are holding on to anger. If what was done to you is so bad, I could never have achieved forgiveness about my situation. What you went through was nothing compared to what I went through. You need to practice forgiveness." - (Narcissist's reply to a person that is a virtual doormat already if the doormat tries to be anything else but a doormat.)
No, learn not to be a doormat. Forgive yourself for not allowing yourself the personhood to call out wrongs done to you. Stop forgiving people who don't belong in your life in the first place. Learn to kick them out.
Then forgive those who aren't CONTINUALLY violating your conscience.
Narcissist quote - "But the Bible says forgive 490 times a day."
Reply to them, "Go find someone to offend you 490 times a day. Report back to me after a month. I want to hear about your Heavenly revelations."
Don't lose your faith.. That verse is not a call to be a doormat. Don't get your understanding from the narcissist. Jesus was not an enabler nor a narcissist.
Mary Magdalene was not required to go a thank the person who gave her the expensive gift in an alabaster box. She was not told to allow them back into her life. She busted that wide open & put it on Jesus while she wept. He died to carry her burden. She was the first to see Him resurrected. She was never deceived by a lovebomb or word salad again.
My ex husband walked out on me and my children! He decided he didn’t want the responsibility ! He never helped with them when we where together! He told me I kicked him out ! He has always blamed me! Always !
Narcissists never apologize
But if they do there’s a catch.
WOW! What do you do if you manager is a Narcissist?
Yeah I used to say my ex could argue with a brick wall and win. .......like literally I listen to her argue hours on phone with customer services for different things and eventually she get rewarded after a few hours. They literally pay her to shut her up and be able to get off phone with her. 😊
My 1st time here...I was discarded in December ....2022
On the last point: Everyone human would do wise to monitor their own ego. Admit you are not perfect: Yes you overstepped, yes you flipped out on more than a few occasions. You have to admit your wrongdoing. I'm responsible for how I behave- did a lot of stuff in the past that catches up. So when I'm accused of something, I pause to consider it. Guess what, at times sure maybe I'm just as much a dumb head as you are. At least I now I admit it. At least I'm not lying.
She told me I said I'd be there at a certain time....I may have said that...but forgot....however....I do t remember tell her I'd be there at a certain time...well...like Ritchie Kotzen says....do what you wanna do...but don't gaslight me