Feeling Desired As A Trans Person | {THE AND} Nicole & Jin
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- čas přidán 24. 07. 2024
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Nicole (she/her) and Jin (they/them) have known each other for two years, but have been dating for the past two months. As a trans, gender non-conforming couple, they find a unique relatability with each other that isn’t always reflected with their other partners. Jin explains their simultaneous motherly and boyfriend-like protection feelings they have towards Nicole. While Nicole admits what validates her feelings the most and how Jin has played a huge role in her own development.
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Executive Director | Topaz Adizes
Director | Nick D'Agostino
Producers | Mériem Dehbi-Talbot & Nick D'Agostino
Cameras | Ashika Kuruvilla, Anndi Liggett, & Nick D'Agostino
Editor | Nick D'Agostino
With the Participation of | Nicole & Jin
Feeling Desired As A Trans Person | {THE AND} Nicole & Jin
#theskindeep #transgender #intimacy - Zábava
I see some comments about Nicole saying she wanted to experience objectification and I wanted to address it because I understand where she's coming from.
As a non-binary trans person who used to present as a very feminine cis woman, I used to literally be able to FEEL objectification and the male gaze. This was a constant thing, I felt it every day, probably since I was about 15 or younger. And at the time for me, it was weirdly powerful. Because I knew, by receiving this constant objectification, that society saw me as the "correct" way to be a woman; this was essentially the only reason I performed such intense femininity- not because I actually liked it.
Now that I present androgynously- I don't feel that quasi-power anymore because most people see me as a butch woman. AKA- performing womanhood the "wrong way." I don't feel the male gaze or get nearly as many objectifying comments. I do strangely miss it sometimes because it's was so validating to my gender expression at the time.
So I understand where Nicole is coming from. She experiences her own form of objectification as a trans woman and I think she was being humble by saying she's coming from a place of privilege. It was really courageous and honest of her to admit that. I think it's something that a lot of people probably feel regardless of their gender, but don't want to talk about because they know it comes from a place of internalized misogyny. Much love to you Nicole.
this!! I have tried putting this feeling into words (afab non-binary as well) and I've struggled with it so much. Sometimes I miss this feeling of "constantly being desired" even though that's kinda fucked up..
Yea, im ftm and I totally get it
This couple has so much depth for their age and stage of life. They have the most profound awareness of both themselves and each other. Jin has a really beautiful soul.
I think the order of the names in the title should coincide with who is on the left (first) and who is on the right (second) on screen.
Thank you for your feedback! This is simply the format we've followed with all of our videos at The Skin Deep from the start 😊
I agree I am confused by every single video title
1blueyedgirl1 I agree. Sometimes with gnc people or those with a chosen name it’s hard to tell which name is which haha
I agree, it's consistently confusing. Maybe it's time to review and alter the format?
I cried as much as Jin, more important I learned...I hope they stay & grow together 💞lovely couple!
I’m confused but not in a bad way I would love to understand them more as a queer person this is really interesting
Thank you for sharing your personal perspective as a queer person. This means a lot to us.
A Harris fan in the place ?!!
Valar Morghulis yass I’m suck a big fan follow mi ig uswnt1118
SAME
I see two very kind-hearted people with a lot of love for each other, who also carry much pain. It is so nice to see your faces relax,, eyes light up and big genuine smiles when the two of you connect and I love how you feel protective over each other. It is so nice to feel loved and desired, and having that you feel stronger and more confident in dealing with the respectless comments and judgements of some. It makes me sad though that you face such challenges, just for being trans. Change of people’s attitudes in that respect goes way too slow. You should not have to grow a thick skin to go through life exactly how you were meant to be.
I started crying at the end of this video because of the words Nicole spoke about feeling wanted. I spent two years during the beginning of my transitioning feeling completely helpless and alone. But recently a close trans friend of mine ended up having reciprocated feelings for me and it really changed how I see myself so much.
I really love this episode.
Even as a lesbian I still feel uneducated as far as our trans and non-conforming community. I know we are all family... I am just not really all aware of the struggles they have. Also, I have been better about calling or referring someone by their name then accidentally saying the wrong
gender pronoun. Anyhow I have watched two beautiful souls! ♡ this!
Love this perspective-thank you for sharing! ❤️
Same
Ditto, as a gay man. And it was something I had a lot of anxiety about (misgendering) but my trans friend said if you make a mistake feel free to correct it and be open about how you're working on it. Trans people don't expect me to be perfect, but it's that effort that makes them feel cared for. In the mean time, I'm trying my best to ween pronouns out of my small talk as much as I can.
Glickstick I have SOOOOOOO much anxiety about misgendering! It sucks so much. I had a class with a beautiful trans woman & accidentally called her him when speaking about her. I literally started crying because I have no idea how I made that mistake.
We were in a group laughing about the class & the professor & I spoke about her but said him while pointing at her & I felt so terrible.
I hated it even more that I was so embarrassed that I started crying because now everyone was trying to console me instead of me simply apologizing & allowing her to educate us on how to curb those natural instincts to misgender.
We are all family period. Whether LGBTQ or not no?
Thank you for all these "naked talks" as I call them. Real openness and honesty. It's amazing and eye-opening. We all are much more that narrow social ideas all together ☀️
#nakedtalks 😃 We're definitely here for openness and honesty. Thank you for your sweet words!
thank you! This gives me so much hope that somehow out there in the future someone will love me for who I am. Maybe in a weird, odd and different way. But there will be someone.
RegenTanz ❤️
Can I be your friend
It's comments like these that give us life! ❤️Glad we could be a part of that dream, and we're sending you our belief that you will ❤️ Thank you thank you!
Trans-inclusive feminism always.
A l w a y s
👏🏼
I think that this was such an important lesson/exercise in learning how to listen past stereotypes and social constructs, and just purely GET where a person is at, where they are coming from, and where they hope to go. I felt myself battle my own instinctive urge to follow whatever hetero-normative, or even what we may call 'mainstream gay' culture now, that has been drilled into me...and just really hear/receive/accept what Nicole and Jin are really trying to communicate to each other.
It was an honour and I just want to say thank you for allowing me (us) the opportunity and experience of challenging my (our) own mindsets.
Hey Xing Jian Tan, thank you for joining the conversation- we love hearing your perspective. Was there a certain point in their conversation where you realized this?
@@TheSkinDeep There was no specific point, but rather, a constant awareness within myself to keep checking my own biases and internalised stereotypes. =)
The feeling conflicted about objectification is a woman thing , cis or trans I think.
I think it's a feminine thing.
I don't think you should generalize though, because it's obviously rooted in different experiences and may be similar, but unique to each identity and each person even then
This was so honest and touching. They seem to have such a truly loving relationship
Even though I don't understand everything about their relationship, I think they are adorable together! And both of them sweet humans💕
The genuine and honest emotions here made me cry. Also I love Jin's tattoos holy heck they're cool
I feel like that towards my boyfriend. I want to protect him like a mother. I guess that's just how love feels.
aww i love them!... i just want to give them both a big hug :)... such beautiful souls, but you can tell they are both sad and hurt... it's sad the way humans are to one another... such mean, angry, unhappy, unconscious people out there... and actually, those people are suffering quite deeply, too, whether they are conscious of it or not
Nicole and Jin seem so deeply connected, like their souls were meant to be together. I’m not normally spiritual like this, so this is a big statement coming from me. I hope to find love like this one day
holy shit dude this is way too much, this content is so good, more trans couples, jin is making me want to cry so much.
So much love to you both! Love watching how you two interact and care for each other with such conscience communication. Hope I can find a relationship that feels so connected like this one day. Really inspired by you!
This wrecked my heart. I can see the love.
The love these two have for each other is amazing !
They really look so affectionate towards each other... But I would have appreciated some general questions at the beginning, just in order to figure out their gender identity without having to read the description 😅 it was a bit confusing
Hi, just for reference, not all folks feel comfortable disclosing their gender identity, so that may be why they chose not to include those types of questions. It's important to remember that non-cis folks don't owe us anything in terms of disclosing their gender identity.
@@placeclevertitlehere I completely understand and agree, but since they disclosed it in the video description, I supposed that wouldn't have been a problem in this case...
Love seeing these types of conversations and sharing of perspectives happen-thank you for watching and engaging, and your feedback!
I watch you from paraguay 🇵🇾
I learn so much about relationships in this channel
Your guys are really awesome and inspiring me to me be more empathic with others members of lgbt community.
This felt very confusing for my mind that I’ll admit is used to categorizing displayed human identities before deciding which angle of empathy to proceed from. I wish they had given us a bit of info about their individual situations for us to work with in understanding the whole story. Especially since almost the entire conversation was about their experiences as a transgendered couple.
I think you should embrace the challenge of NOT interacting with people through some pre-meditated "angle of empathy" based on their gender or how they look. People are people; they are not their bodies nor are they their gender identities. Embrace the challenge of having to see people as they are, in real time and forgo the use of the assumptions and experiences that you've come to take for granted when engaging with someone. Let every person be a new possibility instead of projecting onto them what you think their experience might be.
Cocotte Point taken. I will become more conscious of neutralizing my approaches in future for sure. I just felt that in this case, having an introduction of their journeys could have grounded my desire to understand what they are talking about better.
We love seeing this type of engagement and respectful conversation. Thank you for sharing this space and talking your perspectives through with each other, Rudi and Cocotte-it's incredibly inspiring to see these conversations happening here.
Rudi Makole I get your confusion. Mine was with how the Asian partner (can’t remember his/her name) was referred to as the Caucasian partner’s boyfriend. It’s none of my business and I understand that every relationship has its own, unique levels of gender identity and roles. I guess curious is a better word than confused...
@@mishlake1 This comment, so beautifully said. I just want to thank you for stringing words together the way you did.
So many emotions! I wish we see more couples like them.
Person on the right is a dead ringer for Ali Sheedy.
Caitlin Sullivan deadass
More of them please, these are such important conversations
We agree! Thank you, thank you for your support ❤️
THAT FROG SKATEBOARDS SHIRT THO
Awww I love this couple. They have an amazing connection, such beautiful human beings 💚
They are so lovely!! I’m so happy they have each other
I’ve been following Jin on Instagram for a while now and seeing them in such a real and raw light is fucking beautiful. This relationship is one of strength and care and I admire both of them completely
Can you give the Instagram account plz
what's there instagram,??
Hailey Merten @dominajia
I cried. I'd want to be friends with both of them if i knew them.
Beautiful couple! Congratulations on everything!
This is one of the better ones.
This is my favorite video on the entirety of CZcams. Thank you
Thank you for your support! ❤️ Love that you connected with this.
💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 you are both absolutely wonderful people. Thank you so much for everything you do 💗💗💗💗💗
Its crazy that we label the way we care for people as human beings in regards to our relation to them. It makes so much sense to think of holding someone like they're your child, but all people feel the need to be held and comforted-protected and cared for. Its like we have assigned these relationship names to the action or feeling, but it leaves trans people out of the equation, so were left with wanting to be like a mom or a boyfriend or sibling ect- rather than just cared for like a being.
This is so fucking real and not show-offy at all. Obsessed
Great interview 💞
Thank you for the support!!
im waiting for a male-male couple :(
They are both so right saying that you know that it’s wrong to want to be objectified as a woman... and also want it at the same time. I don’t even really think it’s based in patriarchy. I think it’s based in the fact that we are all animals. Every animal who needs another animal to procreate wants to feel desired by the opposite sex. This is not based on your sex, but how you identify. The degrees at which women are objectified are completely unacceptable- but I agree that it can feel like you personally are wanted and desired when it is a sexual objectification from your partner in an intimate moment that is only shared between the two of you. That feels good.
This is a really interesting perspective. Thank you for taking the time to share!
Completely agree with this comment. You put it into words better than I could lol
This warmed my heart
“Feeling wanted is a big deal..” 💝
Ugh I love them so much and they’re so fucking cool on top of that
As a gay guy I don’t really know much of trans people but thanks for opening my eyes to them 😀
"I feel like your boy" love that. Totally get it. I'm pretty much cis but enjoy feeling boyish around feminine babes I date.
when nicole was like girlfriend are you sure? in a self deprecating way but jin took it as the positive way and was like isnt she hot?? my HEART
Heidi - amazes me Nicole would think anyone would clock her. To me she looks like an edgy Cis Woman completely.
@@cateellington4081 Lol same
I can’t wait to find love like this! Such beautiful souls!
Me too :(
We 100% believe you will! ❤️
I like the power and the love of this couple. I would really like to have a friend like Nicole as my best friend.
You both are such beautiful people.
The one in pink looks like a cross between Mike from Stranger Things, Tina from Bob's Burgers, and Ally Sheedy from Breakfast Club. The hair, glasses maybe? I like their shirt cuz penguin.
Why are the names always opposite positioned on the screen 👀😐.
I want to do something like this on my channel too ....... so motivational
you both are awesome!
They’re SEW sweet
This 'life' of ours is a one way trip, and we should 'certainly' spend it with the person who completes that life the most, regardless who that 'person' is. Only one requirement: to have a pulse.
I loved this episode, they love each other so much it hurts
I can relate to Jin so much ...
I don't even feel desired as a woman, you're lucky you found each other.
This is so cute lol and so raw!
they're a family
oook, Im so confused rn 😅
first of all what does the word Jin got called out mean (fagat?)? and are both of em transgender and if so why do they call each other as the opposide sex? like jin calls her "my boyfriend" and the other way around 😅
This really hit home for me. I’ve always felt Queer. And I’ve never wanted to be referred to as “the girlfriend” even tho I seem quite feminine. To see that I don’t have to be androgynous or trans-masculine ( look wise) is a good feeling. Maybe I’ll have the courage to address this one day. This conversation gave me a lot of love and thought.
Love them ✌
I’m a cis woman and sometimes I want to be objectified lol
If I look hot I want some attention.
Yeah I feel you, but only to a certain extent. Like I wouldn't mind if I overheard a guy telling his friend that I'm hot, or some guy saying I look really pretty, but I don't want them harrassing me or expecting something outta me. Like to the point where they get pissed for me not giving them the same attention. But yeah, I don't mind some attention if I'm lookin spicyy
As a guy, I have to say that the change needs to be on our side not to act like everything is a blank check for guys to do whatever they want. Yeah, you are desirable. Yeah, some other woman is wearing a slinky dress. None of that entitles guys to really anything. Nothing you wear entitles dudes to your body, even wearing nothing doesn't entitle anyone to your body (judges that excuse rapists bc of that, I just want to shove their heads in toilets and hit the flush). So you can seek being desired without an ounce of reservation or guilt. Bring mace, learn self defense, and be willing to be a bitch to a dude who can't handle you setting boundaries. Don't feel guilty, but most importantly don't excuse or let any of your female friends excuse any male, even your male friends, who act with entitlement.
wanting people to be attracted to you is different than wanting people to treat you as an actual object :) i understand you, i have a low self-stem and for some time i would be happy with any kind of attention honestly. but even so, i think is important that we separate both things, because being objectified is what leads us to being ra*ed
I love this couple
LOVE!
I love this so much
Poor you.
Poor crazy dude.
Poor chinese.
You are so fucked !
I love this video
I love them both! What are their instagrams !?!
i love them. so much.
This couple is like looking and me and my girlfriend in a mirror ❤️🥰
What she said is so reminiscent of the Ayesha Curry situation, this guilt about wanting to feel attractive as a woman outside of your partner. It means something
Love is so beautiful but so painful..feelings!
This is one of the cutest and realest couple ever. I felt the pain and loved your sincere feelings towards each other. This society is fucked and I'll genuinely fuck them up for you. It's hard but keep up and like you said, don't give a fuck about those insecure boys. You found your other half and he will take care of you. He already makes you feel loved and cared for so that's really all you need. People who give you that love. I wish you the best guys xx
So sweet 😢❤️
Powerful
they are so fucking cute omg
No judgment here. But please explain to me. The person on the right is a trans girl, but boy biologically who is attracted to opposite sex which still makes him/ her heterosexual???
Beautiful souls
Nicole is toooooooo pretty and adorable and stuff ...
Beautiful
oh okay 2 months makes more sense
i feel like Nicole doesn't really respond to Jin emotionally, and i feel like it hurts Jin because she cares so much. Sorry if i used the incorrect pronoun for Jin.
My god, Ashika is beautiful.
i love them ;-;
I'm so confused..
About what friend?
Who's the transgender?
Me too she seems very female presenting and they view themselves as the opp gender internally so it was hard to keep up with how they complement each other
Oh! I understand why everyone is feeling confused now😂 OK, the person on the left-hand side of the screen is a female born transgendered male who has not begun transition. The person on the right is a transgender female. Maybe that will help you understand a little bit better the elements of this conversation❤️
Hala Hailley both! The one on the left has not begun transition
Omg , the way she loves him/her like a mother . I really know how that feels like
They love her like a mother. Their pronouns are in the description.
Please please please do more interviews with trans people. This helped me understand and integrate so much. I want to know, I want to learn, I want people to see how beautiful these humans are.
I'm sorry I'm confused. Nicole is the person in the left? In the description it says she identifies as "she" but the one in the right says they refer to the other as their boyfriend so I got a bit lost
Hi Sofia! So Nicole's preferred gender pronouns are she/her/hers and she is on the right. Jin, her partner, prefers the pronouns they/them and they are on the left!
@@TheSkinDeep Thanks 🙂
WTF??
@@lailaozman7087 just because you don't understand something does not make it sick
The Skin Deep please next time orient the names with the people’s locations.
What’s her instagram!?!
Dominajia
It's not just a trans thing, as a cis woman I can confirm that being objectified isn't always bad, in a sexual context it can be really hot. But if you really don't wanna be objectified like at your workplace, where you wanna be taken seriously as an equal, then it's the fucking worst.
Oh no this is gonna slay me
Oh yep my tears fell down like my cheeks are ski slopes.
My gender is non-conforming
which means I will express my body how it needs to be so, my pronouns are he and or her.
The way I am psychological androgyny which means the reason why I feel a connection with being woman mostly.
So I consider myself being gender fluid which means I can express myself and think in both genders.
My sexual orientation bisexual
which means that I'm attracted to my gender and the other gender.
What I would consider myself as pansexual which means I'm attracted to the person not what is between their legs.
My turn on demisexual which means I need an emotional connection before having with a partner.
I am able to be polyamory which mean I can have that connection.
I don't own my significant other so in public spaces I won't be affectionate unless they want to and I accept prior in this environment.
My life.
They boths are so freakin cute and hot and mindblowing
Awwww 💕❤️💕❤️💕❤️💕
I'm very confused about the lady on the left's situation
I think they are they .
They're non-binary and use they/them pronouns. They're not a lady, which is probably why you're confused.
Cocotte well yeah I get that; I mean was she born a woman?
@@Jacqueline17678 I don't know; you'd have to ask them for their medical records...but also how is that relevant to this video?
They're non-binary, which has nothing to do with their assigned sex. How does knowing that teach you something fundamental about them?
Cocotte "you'd have to ask them for their medical records" Umm I'm pretty sure they know their biological gender and "how is this relevant"??!! The whole freaking video focuses on their gender identity 😂😂😂
i dont understand