How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone- Flip The Script With This Game-Changing Realization
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- čas přidán 31. 07. 2024
- Can’t seem to stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you (enough)? Flip The Script With This Game-Changing Realization. Here’s how to move from weak and needy to confident and alluring with this one tip:
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00:00 Introduction
01:01 Why We Obsess
02:01 The Trick To Letting Go
03:01 The Final Release
Susan you are a life saver! I was having the worst anxiety attack and almost reached out to them. Luckily this video came up and you snapped me out of it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🙌🏽
“Would the love of your life treat you this way?”…once I asked myself this question, I got clarity and closure and was able to reclaim what little self-respect I had remaining.
I’m glad you found clarity and were able to move on.
We build an idea of them, of who we want them to be based on what our eyes want see and our heart to believe rather than what they're really telling us about who they are.
We're all guilty of this on both sides. 💯👊🦁
Yup. So true!n"The Dream.'
An older, wiser woman once told me.. You don't miss him. You miss who you wanted him to be.
This latest, I'm more disappointed in his poor decision making choices. I feel punished for hid decisions yet I shpuld have backed away before it came this far.
"Do you admire who they are"- love it. My new mantra.
Thanks for watching
I must admit that there was a time in my life that I would make excuses for peoples’s poor behavior. But once I valued myself enough to realize that I deserve someone I can respect ..void of excuses for their poor behavior, life is so much better. I encourage everyone to see the value in yourselves BEFORE you look for a partner. It is far better to be single while broken or to settle for someone who is.
this goes hand and hand with what Sabrina Zohar has stated, “make them a person again “ and if they were that great of a person as you’ve made yourself to believe you’d be with them and wouldn’t be in this down cloud of depression/confusion that you’re currently in.
hmm. this doesnt always work because they dont have to be a bad person just because they didnt want to be with you anymore.
Interesting! We do make people out to sometimes be better in our memories than was the reality
@@yeuruuerueeheueyes I agree! BUT as my current ex shows there are still things that we didn't like and in the event of them noping out of a relationship showes us that we have to move forward and respect ourselves more.. Sometimes even forcing us to focus on the bad things because the "dream" of her is so strong it messes up the view on what actually was.
Sometimes the person is not a bad person, they just don't want you (anymore). What I just noticed, I also sometimes maybe confuse people, because of my insecurities, that I feel, I am not enough for them, (also because I admire them so much, they are so perfect in my eyes, or they achieve something I dream of). So, it motivated me right now to get my life in order, learn better time management and finally follow my passions. That will make me admire myself, because without loving myself somehow I cannot believe someone else (no matter who the person is and what says) really loves me.
I totally understand what you said. I am on the same path as you..!! Have a wonderful time..!!
Great advice
One of the best things I like about this channel - or about Susan - is that her insights are very unique. I mean, how she words them and how she delivers them. This is one of her best quality.
What a wonderful comment! Thank you! I pride myself on being different in my response to these circumstances
The way I see it is 'charisma is not an excuse for bad behavior'. Yes, someone can be charismatic. Can they also be bad? Sure. The important thing is not to deny the latter just because of the former.
True!
"Can I admire who they are as a human being?" NO!!!!!! Thank you, Susan x
Thank you Susan, i made a list of all the behaviors he has that are cruel towards me it helps whenever i feel so lonely and in pain and longing for someone to hold. I read it and know its not him i am looking for. The void sucks in anyone. We need to fill that vacant lot with self love until someone comes along and maybe no one will ever come along. We have to be strong enough not to settle on toxic manipulate ppl no matter how hard life gets❤
This is the best I've heard and I'm 72 , married 30 years old, he abandoned me for a younger woman. I needed to hear this. Thank you. Yes, he is now with someone I know he isn't happy with, but that's his issue. Again, thank you.
Now I must say this. I don't admire him or his previous actions, however I do respect him more now as he has never failed or disputed the alimony he owes me and whenever I have car issues, as he owns his own shop that we worked together, he right there helping me. We treat each other with the respect we should of had when married. He told me he misses me and is worried. It is what it is.
I’m so sorry to hear that! You absolutely deserve better and a lot more respect. ❤❤❤❤
@SusanWinter Yes, I do, and I know that. Having to work at a company as a call center representative exhausts me, not having enough days off, has put me in a downward attitude. But I've set goals for myself and intend to keep working on them. At 72 going on 73, it's hard to think of goals for the future, but that's what gets me up and going. May every woman at my age, in my similar situation, find some peace, and like you said, you DO DESERVE BETTER.
@@trishdecresce3952❤
This is great advice.
It MAY be related to the ever challenging question:
"Is it a better mark of your character to be despised by the dispicable or to be admired by the admirable ?"
Interesting thought!
I needed this I really did ❤️
FANTASTIC
I don't know where to begin besides telling you thank you for making this video and helping understand what I've been going through. I'm not going to go into alot of detail but I will say I've been through hell and back with a woman who I loved but didn't love me back. After seeing this video I'm finally free after 6 years. I missed alot out of my 20s. They were a blur and I don't remember much of them because of all that happened. I'm 30 now and I'm ready to live my life from being poor to visiting London, England next summer. If a good woman comes along in my life than even better, but for now it's my time and self care for me, not selfish, but I deserve things after many years of putting others before me. I can't thank you enough, Susan. You're better than any help I had and she did make me feel to a point where i thought think about suicide, But not anymore I have one hell of a loving life to live. Thank you.
You are THE best Susan ❤
Your calm, intuitive way is in a League of its own. x
Thank you💜
This is so spot on! Thank you.
This video contains a powerful message. A must see! And over and over again. Thank you, Susan.💐
Love this ! Thank you Susan ❤️
Great video. You look good in that color girl! Thanks for all your help navigating this life. 🎉
Lovely comment. Thanks suzyQ
Omg! I really loved that!
This is so powerful Susan! I needed this today❤
Awww! Thank you for watching!
That definitely helped. Thank you.
Respect thank you for this Susan!
Thank you for asking us if we admire their qualities are they a kind human that we are proud of. A human that will take out the trash or mow the lawn. A person that appreciates kindness and respects you!
Hi Susan ! Thank you so… much for the best advice anyone can give? You are truly helping people !!, you are the best ❤❤❤🙏🏼😇
Needed this message, thank you. Coral looks gorgeous on you
Oh, thank you! It’s one of my favorite colors!
Thank you Susan! I will remember this!❤
Hello Susan,
Another home run! Need perfectly expressed.
Bravo my dear!
AWW.... Thank you LucyLoo!
Hey Susan thanks a lot for that video, the timing is perfect. Actually stuck in this loop but what you said in the video had an electroshock on myself.
THANKS AGAIN.
Jeez. You certainly hit this “bullseye” definitely what I needed to hear
Happy to help!
Great one!
WOW! Thank you! 🙌🏼🙏🏻❤
Daaaang this is excellent advice.
Lookin lovely as always Susan keep up the great content 🌹🌹🌹
THANK YOU!!
Thank you, Susan. This is something I didn't consider.
Glad this resonated with you!
Thank you Susan. Great way to look at things Susan❤
You’re welcome!
Wow! That hit me! ❤️
Love u susan i feel so happy listening to u.. love from Pakistan
best video!!! truth truth truth
Yeah so true, I found this page today and I’m glad I watched the video. When did you discover this page ?
This video is GOLD.
Do you ADMIRE them? 🤔 I truly needed this perspective 💯 Thank you
Thank you!❤
Thank you, good food for thought ❤
Thanks for watching!
Susan, you look beautiful in coral!! It’s definitely your color!
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Thank you so much ❤this helped
Hi Susan, you've saved me at the lowest points in my life. Thankyou. I'm from India and you inspire me. Just wanted to ask you, if you could make a video on how to build your inner self stronger alone? Cause I believe that's what all of us at some point need to do in life.
Golden wise words susan, thank you for this ❤much love ❤️
You’re very welcome!
@SusanWinter p.s. I love your merch, it arrived fast, thank you for them too 😊
I love how you get right to the point. You are awesome.
Thank you so much!!!
Sadly the reason I obsess over her is precisely because I respect and admire her personality.
Exactly! But it is him. His personality, his accomplishments, his caring attitude....
@@jodirenaud7917 What accomplishments if you don't mind me asking. Yes it's her kindness, her positivity.
@@alexflips393 excellent question Alex
Don't wanna be cheesy but mine was the 69th like :) lol..!! Sorry, didnt mean any disrespect..!! But apart from this, in all honesty, this was the topic ( Obsession - loop) was something that first made my find your Videos, and then I realized what I am going through is real, and made me realize what I am doing to myself, and am trying to get out of the loop. Giving my everything to get over it. And I am so thankful to you Susan for making me see the truth of what I have been going through. You are a blessed being..!! Stay happy and healthy..!! Huge fan.. always..!! 😍
That was a great question
Do you admire them
Provides clarity 😮😅❤
Thank you 🙏
genius... you are absolutely brilliant... thank you so much... 🙏 ♥
thank you!
Mine is a narcissist and a cheater. The man I fell in love with does not exist and yet, everytime he says something nice to me or better yet shows me that things are not going well with his "new supply", I get triggered. We all work at same company. 4 months ago I filed for divorce. I will get thru this and thank you Ms Winter for the added weaponry in my arsenal. I am looking forward to winning this battle. I am looking forward to meeting a man who will love just me and I will love him.
Buddha's Four Noble Truths: 1. Suffering is caused because we react. 2. We react because we attach. Anger and blame are delusions. 3. There is a way to achieve freedom. 4. The Eightfold path leads to cessation of attachment.
I leave that path for you to discover. Meantime there is another way that worked for me. Join your local YMCA and learn to swim. I do the Australian crawl with alternate breathing which requires you to breathe on every 3rd stroke. Counting to 3 consumes all thought. It is wonderfully soothing to the self.
i remember i was watching susan and cry my eyes out over someone i was obssesed for almost a year five months ago.. wondering when is it gonna change. now i healed and i'm even happier than i was before i met him :) whoever is going through that, its really really hard i know and i understand you, i'm proud of you. just give yourself time to heal and live your life. it'll be okay even though it feels like it wont :) thank you susan you helped me and millions of people a lot 🫶🏻
I think you touched on something when you said "proud". I was thinking the other day, as much as I want this person around, how embarrasing this position is theyve put me in. Even if they were to come back how could I explain this segment of time to people in the future? I wouldnt want to. I would have to lie. I dont want to do that. Therefore its better if they stay gone. Although I do have to keep reminding myself.
You’re much better off without them!
This really helps
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You’re stunning and smart ❤
❤❤❤❤ thank you
Thanks!
THANK YOU ONE LOVE!!!!!
Thank you ❤
You’re welcome!
To be truly honest, their characters for that time period I was with him I do not admire. And I was only deceived. I think I no longer need to think of this person, in my eyes, he isn’t that great of a person. My love of my life definitely wouldn’t behave how my ex did to me. Case closed. Thank you Susan. 🙏
I’m glad you realize that you deserve more!
Thank God for you. My pain lead me to your channel & your wisdom will set me free. 🙏 (hopefully 😳😬)
Aww well I’m glad I was able to assist you on your journey!
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I've been struggling with this.
Re-subbed! I took a break from dating for a few years and since I am back at it (apparently) my first stop is Susan Winter, of course.
😊
What a great commentary and I appreciate your coming back to the channel!! we are happy to have you in this family of like-minded people
Just Start watching this video. I'm totally consumed. We've been divorced for 2 months. Being married to one another was a living hell.... We don't navigate relationships the same way. And yet there is apart of us that still feels compelled towards one another. It's a conundrum and I really don't know what to do. Hoping this video hold Some wisdom on how to gain control of my own emotions.
susan, can you make one video about how to let go of hope about something that's done. how to reassure yourself when it's over in a situation where the person is someone you work with in the office or is a classmate to you.
Hi Eve, I know I’ve done many of those under different titles and in different ways. But the hope you feel is harmful. What you are really hoping for is your dream. And you have decided to place that person at the Apex of your dream. Just simply remove the person and keep the dream
thank you so much for this@@SusanWinter
@@SusanWinter Susan I'm in constant touch with the person who evoked this dream. No matter what I do there's some pull I feel in his presence which I'm unable to do anything about. Even when he has made it clear that he doesn't want me in his life. whenever I hear his voice in the class I'm unable to concentrate on anything else except him & his thoughts. What do I do? how do I get him out of my life in a way that his existence won't matter to me?
Thanks so much Susan, but what if the answer is yes...? What if they are indeed kind, empathetic and good? What if you truly do admire them as a person, and that's why you are obsessed with them?
Lisa, at least you know that you were choosing wisely. But perhaps, despite all their wonderful qualities, they still don’t want you the way you want them. Then best advice is to simply walk away.
@@SusanWinter thank you Susan, you are absolutely right of course. I am having a hard time fully walking away from him (mentally - hence the 'obsession'...), but I am trying. Would wish I could just extirpate him from my brain as if performing a surgery! Thank you very much for your advice. Your work has really helped me on my slow way out of this emotional entanglement. :)
Perhaps your admiration is more of the fantasy you created because we cannot honestly admire someone who creates in us obsession.
Once the feelings fades we them see them for who they are. Good perhaps but imperfect too!
Also I've been thinking can we truly admire someone who does not admire us in return?
@@isabelnoyer5893you’re experiencing ‘limerance’ and I rec researching limerance ❤
Do I admire them? Good question. Thank you
You’re very welcome!
Susan ❤
😊
I have wonder myself and yes I admire them, that usual what gets my attention is they way they are out in the real world, but the money gap has me feeling like I have no business talking to anyone and I should just stay in my lane. I live my life from check to check and they are life times past me with all their big shot friends I have been humble down today and I feel alone now. Stay beautiful Miss Susan Winters I don't know how to deal with this feeling that keeps coming up and need some advice on this one. You know
Many live beyond their means. Don't compare yourself. Think of ways to get ahead- 2nd job (bonus good way to meet new people.), meal prep, diy, etc
Is this someone you admire from a far? Or is it somebody you are currently dating. I think the choice between the reality we are living in the reality we want to live can sometimes feel like a chasm.
@@SusanWinter she's a far. I know she can see me. I hope the feeling is as curious as mines but admired as well. I'm happy to be in a new era to just let the norm go and be open to different kinds of relationships. I'm Willing to learn to fit in a different situation because of love and second to grow in a different way of living. My Asian friend once said age isn't what mattered but Love. Love is what mattered. I know there are better looking men and richer too. But I hope my unique brand of love and style is something worth giving a try. Guess I needed help because it's hard to believe in new possibilities these days and don't care anymore what anybody has to say but the one I want so.. 💟
And if he is kind for others and do a lot in line of work to help unknown people in need, but he just has no time for me, and obviously doesnt care enough for me?
Probably he cares...but not enough
Can 2 people had independence
Couple both single
Still have the love compassion and kindness
To promote and uplift each other
A different type of commitment
While difference are in progress
Healing
Different backyard
Age gap 18 years
Have shared values
Having the freedom to do their own thing work family
While staying monogamist
Faithfully
I want some clarification
I appreciate your content Susan. However, I feel like I've known with clarity for a long time that this person I obsess over tends to be rude sometimes and occasionally he's even manipulative and self-centred. I know 100% that I would not be proud of ways he's behaved. But I don't think that necessarily stops the love you have for them. For some reason I think of Star Wars, where Padme loved Anakin until her last breath, even after he'd turned into a monster.
So what is it that you love about this person? And why have you chosen to love them? Because love is a choice and it sounds like you’re in pain.
@@SusanWinter Thank you for your comment Susan. I feel like I have seen a gentle and sweet side of him, almost as a witness. And I also have seen this crude, rude side of him. And I have love for him, and that does not mean that I like him or accept some of his behaviour or that I would ever be with him. So yes, you are right, I am in pain, this does hurt. I guess you can have love for someone who you think is not nice. It's almost like a thing from the Bible. I just keep thinking about him every day and it's been years, it's so strange.
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thank you Lynda
Please make a video on leminence.. I think its called.
done. you'll see it in my video feed
What if you admire them but they rejected you(and that’s their right bc they were just not into you). How do you get over them?
Why did you choose to make your admiration romantic? Just because you admire them, doesn't mean you put them into the box of prospective partners.
Ive got myself in a situationship. Mutual attraction, chemistry, the whole 9 yards. But, weve got a 3rd party interfering. I cant compete w substance abuse, and. Damit, hes a great guy being held hostage, and its so hard to let someone go when you actually feel a magnetic pull towards them.
Yes, I admire who he is as a human being. Hes a WONDERFUL person, very insecure though, weve been friends for a long time.
I know we were out in each others paths for a reason. But, idk if I got it wrong somewhere, or if hes bot doing the work to stop these habbits... dk what to do.
Im not insecure. I do give a shit, and I so want to make him see the person I see when I look at him, but... hes pretty broken, I'm pretty patient. But, again. Camt compete w drugs. Idk the struggle hes going through, but a friend told me when he was on that crap, he had no emotions, so, that makes me think all the more.
Like hes REALLY going to miss out on what we made pretty great. But, he has to want it. And Im just so sick of being sad at this point.
My answer for questions at 2:16 is yes, but for some reasons can't be together, then how to get over it?
For me, this article of Susan Winter helped me: "The Breakup Wisdom I Learned from my Dog".
"Some Reason"= someone isn't trying.
I looked back at the girls he was inviting to his house while seeing me. It shows he has no standards. I find it disappointing cause there's good traits about him.
What does that say about his self esteem? If someone has no standards, then how can they determine attraction?
Drop it like its hot...
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what if the answer is yes?
Then, it sounds like there are other reasons that you cannot be together. perhaps they are already partnered and unavailable, or perhaps they don't feel a romantic spark for you.
@@SusanWinter that makes perfect sense. It’s been so long I don’t even know who I was talking about tbh. Good riddance
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Susan my ex was just from a different religion and we couldn’t be together bc of that this was a non-negotiable but I dated him bc of how much I wanted a healthy relationship … other than that, he was such a gentleman and healthy 🥺😪 any tips here ?
WWJD. If you're Christian, he says to not be unequally yolked. I was in the same boat.. with a sailor. I stayed too long cause he was cute and nice, likely why I'm still single. It ended for good when his non-Christian lifestyle came out with a whopper lie. No character conscience. Save what time you have left and carry on with your life.
@@Powerskaty thank you for giving me advice. I feel extremely sad, but I think in the long run , my heart would have felt too heavy at the thought of being with someone who doesn’t see Lord Jesus the way I do. He’s a Muslim & I am Christian.., so I’m sure his family would have influenced him also. I think Lord Jesus wants me to take the right steps this time & although I’m sad now, it was the right thing to do!
I hope you’re forgetting the sailor, become in love with yourself & surround yourself with genuine friends or just focus on growing with a skill of hobbie. I’m sure the right guy will come to you, you just got to enjoy your juicy life Katy!
Actually Susan did already answer similar question in the video titled: "Incompatible on paper. But good in real life?"
I'm glad that you had a good experience. And I'm sorry that the culture and religion would not let the two of you would be together.
But I am obsessed with somebody who is all those good things!!!!! But he is married with 4 kids!!! So I can't have him!!!!
You admire somebody who is not available. It's still a no-go. That is a different set of consequences so you have to move on and use this admiration. You have to create a template for someone who is available.
It happens also that the person lacking empathy and respect for the partner starts obsessing for the one whom they have treated like garbage. They know of having done everything wrong and they hope to be accepted the way they are. It doesn't work line that 😂
the men the women crave don't exist or are in a relationship , plain and simple
You can't mix sex and love Yo
Since it is not possible to stop making videos about obsessions, i wonder if a possibility of obsession stopping is real at all. "Are you still obsessing? Stop it!", you say time and time again. It was a sad joke by me.