Babies Bodies Remember Separation Trauma at Birth Jeanette Yoffe M.F.T.
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- čas přidán 20. 07. 2018
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This is the only trauma that those of us who experience it are told that we 'were lucky'. 53 and still dealing with it.
I wish to God that people understood this. Adoption is a special kind of hell.
I still feel it. Adoptee
As an adult adoptee, I have found (through personal experience and literature ) that the new born adopted baby puts "strong firewalls" in place to prevent ANY possibility of having to go through ANYTHING that IT perceives as a re-enactment of that original trauma , even if it makes no sense to the adult brain. This is because it was laid in as "protection" in the subconscious side of the brain at such an early time.
Im 43 and realizing most of my problems as an adult are related to this event.
My adoptive father molested me for 12 years. Mom broke 5 of my bones and I wound up in foster care at 15. Remember my story when you are thinking of giving your precious child up to an imaginary family. You have no idea what you are doing to your child you are being told a lie.
I never made the connection between my problems and my relinquishment well into adulthood. Reading The Primal Wound was like looking into a mirror for the first time. But thinking of alllllll the work I have in order to “fix” myself is beyond daunting.
I’ve had a blessed life, my parents were the best, I don’t have a relationship with my birth mom, (long story), but to this day I fear abandonment and will cry if I think I’ve been left behind. I’m 53
This is interesting. I always thought I was happy growing up and thought that I had a good family environment despite being adopted at birth. Now I wonder if I was simply lying to myself. I've always been incredibly hurt by breakups, friends drifting apart from me, and getting the impression that people find me rather unremarkable and don't take me seriously. Several years ago I went from feeling pretty good most of the time to irrationally worrying about things that haven't even happened yet. My own mortality, tragic accidents, the loss of a pet, etc. I've found myself in a constant state of worry and have also dealt with the sudden onset of many chronic pain issues. I did quite a bit of reading during this time. And one guy in particular, Dr. Sarno, really seemed to make sense. At first I thought the trauma I must have endured to bring all of this on was the sudden death of both my best friend of over twenty years and my adoptive father passing away within a year of my friend. But I'm wondering if the real trauma that planted the seed so to speak was the separation of me and my my mother on the day I was born. Maybe these other losses were just the catalyst that helped bring it to the forefront, thus making my mind create distractions to try to help shield me from that emotional pain, since I was already dealing with so much. Have there been any studies regarding a reunion with birth parents, and whether or not hearing their voice, and having physical contact with them, even decades later, can help to heal some of that trauma? I've just now begun the journey of trying to find my birth mother. And even though it's 46 years after the fact, I can't help but being excited about the possibility of reconnecting with someone with whom I share the deepest connection I've ever had with anyone, even if I don't remember that connection.
My poor baby.
I totally agree. If a baby can feel the love of their mother while in the whom, they can also feel the hate, or at least lack of love, from the mother. Babies pop out knowing if they are wanted or not.
Very interesting subject I've never thought of that in this way. Thankyou, I'm grateful for your insight. I'm so glad I was adopted at birth by my parents, I couldn't imagine my life without them, they were loving and gave me a good life. I was also an only child in this family. However, I suffered separation anxiety and heartbreak when I was a small child, every time my (adopted) parents would go out for the night and leave me with a baby sitter who were family anyway, I knew them well, but thought I'd never see my parents ever again and I didn't understand why I felt this way, I was a super sensitive child anyway. This happened at sleepovers too, I remember being driven home late at night because I couldn't bare to be away from my parents. I remember crying at the school gates when my mother dropped me off, I had suffered deep heartache, a very real feeling of loss, until I was distracted by others. This separation anxiety has carried on into my 40's. I sometimes suffer anxiety when my husband goes to work, thinking I'm never going to see him again and I'll be alone, the feeling of loss is sometimes unbearable. Having my own children has helped a great deal with separation anxiety, but it still lurks in every now and then, I'm ok though.
I was removed and taken into foster care because my mother was murdered when I was three. I remember thinking I must have been a bad girl and my mom would come back when I learned my lesson. Shortly after my Birth Father came to get me. His wife adopted me and I lived a Cinderella (me) life, with a wicked adopted mom and two sisters that I had to wait on hand and foot.
Deep therapy confirms the pain of separation trauma at birth. Thanks for posting
You have a beautiful empathetic way of explaining it even in the way you use your hands to explain in, and softness of your voice, I'm adopted, alot of us were so angry and we just wanted to be understood but they didn't have to knowledge to understand, we have to forgive that, this is lovely to see you explaining it so well and for that thank you
I lived the first year of my life at an orphanage, which I didn't think was a long time, but then I baby sat a one year old last summer, and all that little toddler could say was that he wanted his mama back. I was like, I didn't even have one at your age, can you shut up about your mama? Lol
I have relived that trauma at 61 and remembered not feeling any attachement in the womb.
I am learning about the placenta being a twin and we feel separation when abruptly removed. I replaced mine with a blanket. When my mother was finally able to get the nasty thing away from me for good, I replaced it with a stuffed animal. At 64 I still sit with one in my recliner.
I know this was 2 years ago but I am also 53 and still coming to terms with how much this has affected me. How do I begin to heal this longing? I realize that it has influenced almost every area of my life.
Than you!❤