Building Identity as a Third Culture Kid | Erik Vyhmeister | TEDxAndrewsUniversity
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- čas přidán 20. 07. 2024
- Erik Vyhmeister explains what it means to be a Third Culture Kid, and why this matters in an increasingly connected world.
Having grown up across four continents, Erik Vyhmeister shares his experience as a Third Culture Kid both abroad and returning "home" to the United States.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
If only TCK was a country - we can all migrate to over there...
this is an interesting thought lol
I'd make the trip.
haha swear i can relate
Can we make one please?
Sounds like it would be a human made island that constantly travels around the world.
I'm so happy I found out what TCK is and means, it truly made me feel less alone. Thank you for this talk, it was very eloquently spoken. I super agree with the passport thing, and that the initial country you are born in does not feel like home.
I'm glad you appreciated it! Thanks! Yeah, neither of my passport countries feel like home.
I too want to praise you Erik! It was a great talk! Good job!
gotta say am feeling the same here, it feels like a relief to know there are others in similar situation, but I do realized the disadvantages over relationship grow stronger and strong while I age.
I have a question. so my dad was adopted from the Vietnam war and was never able to find his birth parents, my mom is Mexican and has a little bit of Native American in her and I just went on a civi rights trip for two weeks with my senior class and I realized as we went through battlefields and stuff that my friends (who are mostly white) just don't understand it. when my first thing with race happened on that trip I was extremely uncomfortable and felt out of place. for hours I didn't talk to anyone and I felt an extreme amount of tiredness. it made me feel ashamed to not know my roots, of course I have my dad mom and brother who are blood related but ive always wondered what it would've been like to be raised in a Mexican house or asian house or Native American house, and not a white household. I have had extreme shame for myself since that trip because it changed the way I look at myself and others, because I was raised white, my family is white, the places we go to like country clubs only have white people in it and I feel very disconnected with my roots and I wish I knew more, but I don't know if its possible for that to happen. Does this make me a third culture kid? I never moved anywhere ive always stayed in the same place but as ive gotten older my sense of identity has been weird
@@mooncookies7803 I couldn't say if it makes you a TCK exactly. However there is something to be said about lacking a connection with culture, and also potentially your parents ancestral grief and traumas carried down to you (unknown or not). I don't know how old you are but it's never too early or late to reconnect with traditional cultural things where your parents are from. I've known indigenous people who were fully taken out of their tribes and culture as children who reconnected as adults, that found great peace, connection, and that feeling we all crave... "home".
It could be as simple as making certain food, listening to music, reading memoirs or folklore.
I wish you luck on your journey and hope you find what fits you, and that could be a bit of everything!
Home is when you meet a fellow TCK and instantly connect! because you can finally relate to someone (other than your siblings). I need to find more TCK's in my city, it would make me feel more at home. Thanks for this Ted Talk :-)
I totally agree! Often I find that where I feel or felt the most at home is in International Schools that are full of people just like me.
exactly! a place where everybody is a foreigner, where there's no judgment when you're being a bit 'weird', and a deep mutual understanding of each other's stories without people thinking you're bragging about the places you've lived. :-)
Very true! I was VP of the Third Culture Society at my uni. A great way to connect!
Rein4 me a TCK , a 🍌
I married my best friend who is also a TCK like myself. We both are really different when it comes to hobbies and interests but we connect on the fundamental TCK mentality level :)
It's funny, one of the most easiest conversations I've ever had with a stranger in my life was with another TCK on a plane. We instantly knew each other's patterns of thinking and the conversations just flowed naturally, even though we had relatively different backgrounds and different interests. It was such a refreshing moment.
I have a question. so my dad was adopted from the Vietnam war and was never able to find his birth parents, my mom is Mexican and has a little bit of Native American in her and I just went on a civi rights trip for two weeks with my senior class and I realized as we went through battlefields and stuff that my friends (who are mostly white) just don't understand it. when my first thing with race happened on that trip I was extremely uncomfortable and felt out of place. for hours I didn't talk to anyone and I felt an extreme amount of tiredness. it made me feel ashamed to not know my roots, of course I have my dad mom and brother who are blood related but ive always wondered what it would've been like to be raised in a Mexican house or asian house or Native American house, and not a white household. I have had extreme shame for myself since that trip because it changed the way I look at myself and others, because I was raised white, my family is white, the places we go to like country clubs only have white people in it and I feel very disconnected with my roots and I wish I knew more, but I don't know if its possible for that to happen. Does this make me a third culture kid? I never moved anywhere ive always stayed in the same place but as ive gotten older my sense of identity has been weird
@@mooncookies7803 It sounds like you're dealing with similar thoughts/emotions of not feeling connected to the culture around you, and there's definitely some overlap there.
In my experience, it led to isolation and loneliness, whenever I moved back to the US for college. Even though I was surrounded by people at school, I didn't know how to relate. I think I have other issues as well, so I don't blame that only on being a third culture kid, but I made friends more easily overseas, so it did factor in.
The things you said about not talking to anyone and feeling tired sounds all to familiar. As does the feeling ashamed about not understanding your identity.
I think the best way to deal with that is to try to open up with someone you know and trust (not to people over the internet) about it. It can be scary, but it will feel good and help bring clarity to your thoughts. If possible, I'd encourage you to talk to multiple different types of people too, to get different perspectives. So, like not just your mom and dad, but maybe a teach who you can trust, but is different from the rest. And if you have access to a counselor, by all means talk to the counselor.
I think there is also something to be said about certain parts of white American culture just being hard to connect to for whatever reason. I'm white myself, but since I moved to a city, I feel way more at home with all the ethnicities (including white) than I did when I live in a small town where it was like 95+% white people.
All that to say, human beings are really complicated; there's a variety of factors that contribute to who you are. It could be your upbringing; your roots; your environment; or all of these things. Keep an open mind. Continue to explore your roots; that's perfectly healthy.
Keep up hope. It'll get better. You're already on the right track of exploring your identity. Take pride in it. Good luck!
That doesn't surprise me. I think TCK's are seeking the same sorts of things, so it's easy for us to engage one with another.
I myself am a Diplomat Kid. Our ability to see things from a global perspective is a gift. 🎁 It's a joke among my family that we're human turtles. 🐢 pack up bags efficiently, about 50lbs worth, and do not get attached and be ready to move and Goodbye is part of our dictionary. As a result, I'm not as materialistic as I moved frequently - things are replaceable. Ideas and values are far better luggage to bring with me. 💡
Thank you for this eloquent explanation of our lives, it's something people won't understand unless you've lived our life, but as you mentioned each TCK story is different but similar. ❤
@Olivia Hello! College is fun, but yes, all good things come to an end but after least you have something to look forward to. People who don't live our lives cannot comprehend why we cannot stay, but we just get on with it as it is just a part of our lives. Thanks for reaching out!
@@RubieroseCacho Sure. Thanks for responding!
Yes, I may or may not have drilled into someone who grew up in one place about how life was for them.
I hope you are doing well too.
Ah yes, the conversation killing 30 second spiel of where I've lived. I know it all too well...
Yes!! I know that it's so interesting for them but it sucks to have to go through that when meeting everyone.
Always a mouthful :) haha but people nowadays should understand that TCK like us exist and are working, studying, and living among them, so if were going to live together in a community they should be patient and understanding as we are with them.
hits home hard XD
I tried to explain it to my counselor, who can't figure me out. Now I'll refer her to this.
Being a TCK, I feel alone and lonely. Every day is a struggle. I have no friends. No one can understand me. Life sucks. Identity crisis and building.
Hang in there!
TCK also makes you unique!
I understand.. and I wouldn't mind being friends.
It never ceases to amaze me how important ones roots evidently are. It shouldn't really matter where we're 'from' but who we are and where we're going...but still, the lack of belonging can create major challenges...I'm glad I was introduced to the term TCK, I feel less alone.. and appreciative of my uniqueness though I can't seem to shake the sadness.
Being a TCK sucks!!!
It was a huge revelation for me to understand that TCKs often have immense amounts of unprocessed grief. Each move can be experienced like a death: the death of an entire way of life and way of being, the death of the close relationships once had with loved ones in that reality. However, this staggering loss is often unknown and unrecognized by others. Though being a TCK definitely brings benefits (and I love them all!), it IS sad. Incredibly so. Well-meaning adults (parents included) who tell a TCK to adjust and adapt without helping the child vocalize and process those feelings of sadness are doing the child a disservice. They must be validated.
T Kronenburg I can’t seem to shake the sadness either... but it definitely helps knowing so many others are experiencing this too. TCKs grieve more than most... but we also have the opportunity to love and grow more than most. As sad as I feel a lot of my life has been, the worldview and relationships I’ve acquired make it so I know I’d never trade it.
I think I still struggle with that! My parents did me bad by not introducing me to their culture or at least educate me about it.
When I'm here, I miss over there. When I'm over there, I miss over here.
I cried through this whole presentation. What a description of my life.
same here
same here
OH MY GOD! Finally I've lived in like 6 countries and I'm under 18. This explains my life exactlyyyy!
Honestly, when it comes to introductions, I think you let your fear get the best of you. You don't need an explanation of your whole life for them to understand...you just need to let them know that your experience was different.
You so easily explained it to us in the same short time.
"Where are you from?"
"To be honest, I moved across multiple countries since I was little, so I can't really pinpoint a single place. I've pretty much grown up with a little culture from everywhere! What about you?"
I've only grown up tricultured, so I know it might not be the same, but.. In your own words, there is no time to waste getting to the core of a person....so why waste time trying to show someone who you are? I've found for me it makes life so much better. Even if most can never get the deepest reaches of my heart..there is always a comfort in the fact THEY know that as well. That they also have no fear in the day that comes I have to say goodbye... Just like me, the are in to ride as long as it will last, and treasure the memories when our time has passed.
I was adopted from a Romanian orphanage in the 90s, and then became a TCK. This resonates so much! I've been shunned a lot and been called weird, but when I have found a few friends they really keep me laughing and happy.
So relatable! I also love seeing all the TCK's sharing their stories in the comments! I spent my childhood living in Japan, Mongolia, China, and like ten different US states. And I'm just now, at 24, realizing how that has shaped me and contributed to the life goals I have today.
Lovely talk, made me very emotional since I am a TCK myself and still haven't figured out who I am.
Wow, I relate so much to this. Especially the 30 second talk about where you're from. People always look at you like you're insane or boring or too caught up in yourself afterwards. Sometimes I feel distant from even my closest friends because they will never truly understand my background and life experience. Anywhere I go a part of me always feels foreign. I'm glad to know others relate to this as well. Thank you for this ted talk
It's exactly like that for me too.....
The only ones who can truly understand us are other TCKs. I feel like I can't be myself around people in my home country. We experience a lot of grief, upheaval and change early in our lives, which shapes who we are. We don't get time to establish and maintain one sense of identity for ourselves. We have to adapt and change and so we don't necessarily have a strong sense of who we are. And we lose contact with a lot of friends along the way. It can be very lonely and difficult sometimes. I appreciate this talk and to any other TCKs who happen to read this comment, leave a reply if you can relate. You're not alone!
Спасибо!Я тоже TCK.
I also don't really know where I am from, people say I am from the Netherlands because I was born there but when I went there to look at universities it didn't seem like home. Others say I am from Italy because my only passport is an Italian one but I have never lived there and when I went recently, it didn't seem like home either. Finally they give up and say your parents are from Argentina and you speak Spanish fluently, therefore your from Argentina. Again I don't feel at home even though I go visit my relatives every year, it just doesn't feel like a place I could call home because I never lived there.
You’ve managed to sum it up perfectly. Being a TCK is both a blessing and a curse, I feel like the exposure I’ve gotten growing up has reinforced me socially in so many ways. What has been a challenge for me the most though is getting in to a friendship/relationship, it’s always been so superficial because at the back of my head I knew I’d leave that person behind and move on..all in all the older you get, the more powerful, understanding and integrated you feel and that’s something I’ll always cherish..
Finally! Someone I can relate to, I'm under 18 and have lived in over 5 countries. Like if your a TKC!
I was a TCK and so are my children. We’ve created our own culture.
When somebody asks where I'm from, I answer with the current city I'm in. (It happens to be the one I've been bouncing to and from, so I suppose it's more home than any other). It's just easier than trying to explain.
If they are from that city, the next question is always what high school I went to. Then I have to explain that I didn't. I went to high school in another country. And no, I'm not from that country. I just happened to live there. And no, none of my parents come from there. I just happened to live there. But I'm here now. Aaaand I've lost them. Or they've lost me. Who knows.
Another less common scenario for diplomat kids is when they go to boarding school as well. I was American, having my parents live in Africa, and going to boarding school in another country abroad. Three at once was really hard, still coming to terms with it. Even so... I want to join the foreign service. I don't know what I'd do without this kind of life. That's another problem I guess- we can't settle.
I had other plans as well - not wanting to get up and uproot myself and my kids all the time.
But now it just seems like I dont know any other way to live either. -.-
I’m so glad I found this term and video. I finally feel understood and not alone, I’ve been trying to explain this to myself and others but it never felt as encompassing and concrete as this video. Thank you so much for this, I’m definitely keeping this video saved for future rewatching sessions.
I'm a Canadian who grew up in Tanzania was born in India, I've lived in all 3 countries and now live in Germany. I honestly don't know how to explain to people where I'm from.
Born in Germany to US dad and DK mom - raised between DK and the USA and a flight attendant by trade. I belong nowhere but Denmark calls me and "feels" like home to me.
Still trying to be myself in a country where I wasn't born or raised, but it's a work in progress. Because of this video I know I’m not alone.Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️
In my 50s, in an effort to understand myself better, I discover the term TCK which brought me to this talk. Fantastic! It eloquently captures and expresses aspects that I've been feeling.
Always wondering - Where are all my TCK friends at?? I see so many people sharing a similar experience on the Internet, but I always have failed to find and meet another TCK personally, at every place I've been...
.. Well ok I actually do know why. We probably aren't going to stay in one place long enough to discover each other and keep moving around so... yeah. :P
Thank you for 11:11~. You nailed what I've been trying to say for years.
Very insightful. Wish I would have known all this in my 20s. Now in my 50s and still finding out a lot. Its tough.
Our family are planning on moving to a 3rd/4th culture next year. This talk was really helpful, not just for me having already lived in 3 cultures, but in being aware of some of the things our kids will probably feel & have to go through. Thank you for sharing.
He did a great job! (I'm an ATCK too) I especially loved the part "it doesn't matter where you're from, but the experience." That's exactly how I feel. The question "Where are you from?" always baffles me... At risk of sounding dull or rude I think: "Can't you think of anything more interesting to ask?" Am I from Brazil? England? Ireland? Spain? Belgium? Why do I sometimes feel more American than anything else? It's odd.
This is great cause it truly explains who TCK's are... The worst part for me as a TCK personally was facing an identity crisis during high school and university.
as a TCK myself I have learned that we need to spread are uniqueness and educate people about living overseas and spread our unique culture everywhere we go.
Thank you Erik for your enlightening talk on the Third Culture Kid - I was once my self a TCK , but not only that I am currently doing a Masters with regards to the experiences of children of military parents. Your video has allowed me to explore another path as although I knew that these children were different, I did not quite know how I would phrase this. Thanks to you I can now explore the TCK in more depth. So thank you again. All the best, Natalie
Damn. My parents are indonesian but i was born in argentina, raised there for 4 years, moved to jakarta, stayed for 3 years, moved again to denmark for 4 years, then moved back to jakarta for 3 years, then moved AGAIN to new york for 3 years, and now im back again to Indonesia, currently studying in college. It sucks leaving social circles and felt like a damn foreigner all the time. I always feel lonely. People boast how good my life is, which i agree to some extent, but mentally speaking its tough.
Hey, I'm an Indo (by ethnicity) Malaysian (by nationality) :) Mentally it can be tough. I get asked about my race all the time. Haha. In Malaysia, i'm too Indo. In Indonesia, I'm the foreigner. I used to feel so rootless but now I'm not. I think I can understand your struggle to a certain extent, it's tough. :) Seems like ur holding up quite well. I wish you the best.
You should at least get an Argentinian passport since you were born there
Yes, it's tough!
Very different solution in my case. I found place on map where my ancestors originated and adopted it as my spiritual home and identified with it, even thou I never lived there. I found my fix identity and peruse stability and grounding and authenticity in my life as the first order of importance.
Amen brother. Happy to see there are others that share the 'its complicated' TCK background. Like you, I'm a 'Canadian' raised 85%+ of my life in various spots around the middle east (Kuwait, UAE, Qatar). I finished high school at a boarding school in Canada, which in many ways- made things alot more complicated through the friendships I made there.
I tried to live back 'home' in Canada for many years, but found I just couldn't relate with the locals. I was the same in presentation, but very different. I would say I was from a small town near the city (where I spend a few years for school) to avoid what you were talking about where "thats where the conversation ends"- your spot on, and not alone in that. It's a shortcut to becoming an instant pariah.
I dont live 'home' anymore, and it's alot easier to fit in- precisely because you are not supposed to.
This was so great to watch and hear. I'm a TCK and for a long time I didn't know a whole lot of other TCKs. So I grew up feeling like I was the only one dealing with this stuff. Last year I went to boarding school and met a ton of other TCKs but I'm still trying to adapt to the idea that there are loads of us out there going through the same things. So it's so great to hear your talk and hear your story. Thank you so so much for sharing!
Erik, such a wonderful explanation of such a complicated state/emotion/life. Good job & thanks for sharing!
you are awesome, this is the first time I heard about TCK, from a TCK and I just realized I am like you, i am not some crazy broken guy, this is explainable, and this really realize me... thank you for sharing
I feel exactly the same, when we "got back" to my parents country even though I spent my vacations there to see my grandparents and cousins once or twice a year, it felt really weird. I remember believing that in most countries there was an official language but that it was everyone's second language so it surprised me how everyone from "where I am from" spoke one language. I think it makes you feel crazy for feeling homesick in my own country and my parents not even being able to understand. It blows my mind each time I got close friends eventually ( that I had to leave), when they were showing me things that made me realise how they were so deeply rooted and got to keep everything they ever loved. It makes me realise how I am so careful not to get attached too much and how the way they live is something I can't afford to dream for because it only hurts me. It's interesting how I eventually stopped explaining to people where I'm from etc. It seems to bore them and it's a real pain to have to remember about things that feel like a dream
I’m a born American, who grew up all of my pre-college years in two Portuguese speaking countries. I’m not back in the US for almost 30 years but I still have what the Portuguese call, “saudades,” or a longing to be back even though I’ve been here 2/3 of my life and I have a wife and kids. We lived with my grandparents in Michigan one summer and we ate a ton of potatoes. I longed for rice too
Saudades, forever. It is part of identity.
I moved to my 4rth country before my 9th birthday. I can relate to the rootlessness and lack of stability and solid sense of belonging. Great talk, thanks for sharing.
Having lived overseas for my first thirteen years, THE question always caused my heart to be in my throat. As I have grown and learned more about my TCKness, I ask people the question, "What's your story?" It puts us on even ground with everyone else, because then we can decide what we will tell and learn from others and the same goes for them. It has helped make more rooted connections, because it helps non-TCKs connect past THE question.
Thank you thank you thank you for this wonderfull talk! What a release to hear all this and to put a name "Third Culture Kid"! I will help me to understand all these weird questions I keep asking myself!
Im 15 and Ive grown up in 6 countries + counting, I feel really represented and I'm so happy there are other who get it
This is so relatable.
Wow, how refreshing to find a video that I can totally related to!!!! And I felt a strong sense of comfort while reading through all the comments posted here. I think from now on whenever people ask me "where I'm from" I'm just going to answer, "I'm a TCK and that question doesn't apply to me".....or if I want to be more cryptic I could just say I'm from "TCKville"😉 Love you all!!!
As a TCK myself, thank you so much.
I needed this, i needed to know who i truly am. Thank you.
I am a Malaysian citizen and grew up in the border city of Johor Bahru. I don’t know if I can be considered a third culture kid, but I can relate to a lot of points in this video. since I was 7, I crossed the border every day to attend public school in neighbouring Singapore. I did that till I graduated from junior college when I was 18. I consider Singapore to be a big part of my identity, just because I spent so many of my formative years there. Sometimes I feel like I don’t really belong anywhere. My passport says I am Malaysian, but I didn’t grow up with many of the same experiences my Malaysian peers had. I speak English and Mandarin with a Singaporean accent, and speak with slang terms not common in Malaysian English/Mandarin.
Now that I am studying overseas, I sometimes don’t know what to say when people ask me where I’m from. I feel like a fraud when I say Malaysia, because I don’t speak Malay that well (it’s not an official school subject in Singapore schools). I can’t say Singapore either, because I am not a Singaporean.
I don't ask people 'where are you from'. I tend to ask people where is home for you? I like to hear people's stories and understand where they feel most at home and comfortable.
That question "where are you from"?.....It just knocks me off balance!
Wow he explains about me so much. Great talk!
On the plus side... I can meet a stranger in a shopping centre and within 2 minutes become their "new best friend". I can survive and thrive in any country and in any social situation. Going to boarding school (flying unaccompanied) at 5 years old makes a person very self-reliant. Staying with strangers for school holidays five times every year makes you observant and adaptable (but hyper-vigilant)
As a military brat, this seems apt. Interestingly, the "letting go of connections" thing still is part of who I am, even though I've lived in the same place for 8 years.
I was just told about TCK from my HR manager. I can’t believe I’m hearing about this now. The conversation started when I was asked where I’m from. I told her it was complicated. I can tell you where I was born, where I lived and where I’m at currently. I can’t tell you who I am. I never lived in America but I feel like I’ve adopted more of an American identity than anything else. Maybe due in large to pop culture. I’ve lived in Canada for years now but I don’t feel like I’m Canadian. My son was just born and I’m not sure if he’ll be Canadian, American or British. Am I going to put him through what I went through in my childhood? I loved my childhood and I’m blessed to have experienced it but I feel like it did come at a cost.
OMG!!! Everything you said I could relate and could understand what challenges you were facing. thank you for sharing video
As a child of a diplomat who moved to a different country at the age of 4 and I’ve lived in more than 8 countries and 30 cities. I struggle a lot with identity and it’s really painful because people don’t understand how I feel. When they asked me where I’m from and I tell them the country I was born I feel like I’m lying to myself because I don’t feel a connection with that country. I’m so glad I found this video because it’s very helpful
Great and informational video. I see the struggle of the child and possibly their development when moving to different cultures and where the child can lack in certain social situations if not adapted.
I resonated to a lot of the sentiments in this video. I grew up in Japan with my Japanese mother and my Australian father. Initially my parents put me in an international school that followed the European curriculum, then to another school with a British curriculum. Then, at age 9, I transferred over to the local Japanese elementary school, and I went through the Japanese education system from Year 4 all the way to Year 12.
Interestingly, it was those first few years at international school that really shaped me as a person, so by that definition I find myself to be a TCK within my own country. This has caused problems, especially when I first joined the Japanese education system, as I had a below-average command of Japanese. At the same time, my experience as a TCK has given me opportunities that I wouldn't have otherwise had, like visiting my family in Australia or being able to communicate with people around the world with ease.
It was in university that I found many people like me, TCKs that have had very similar experiences. The phrase TCK is not commonly used in Japan, and instead the word "帰国子女 (returnee)" is used. One of my friends who grew up in Europe said they don't fit with this label, as they were born abroad so they never "returned" per se.
It's very heartwarming to read the comments from like-minded people, as it shows that my experience is not a unique one, and that I'm not alone.
i lived in the philippines too, i moved in the middle of 2018 to dubai after living there for 3 and a half years. i've lived in 5 countries none of them being the place i have citizen ship from, and where i actually am from, thanks for making this video
This was great relate to it a lot! Thank you so much!
My mother, father and myself were born in 3 separate countries (with 3 separate native languages) across 2 Continents. I lived in a fourth country for 10 years (and took its citizenship) and now live in a fifth country . I am looking for help online with finding my cultural/national identity. This video is a help.
i'm a tck, because of my dad's work, but i always say i'm from the netherlands, even though i wasn't born there. my parents and brother are born there, and we live there now, so for me, i always felt dutch, even though we traveled and moved a lot
And what do you think about this experience of traveling as a child? As traumatic as many ppl here describe?
The key really is we can choose, and the part that we change all the time and adapt all the time
Absolutely spot on for a TCK. Good to know I am not alone.
Shout out to all the TCK’s who think being a TCK sucks! Wish I wasn’t one... No disrespect to the speech, I very much enjoyed it and he made many good points!
Henry F I’ve faced many challenges due to being a TCK, some of which I’m still dealing with and always will, but in retrospect, I wouldn’t take any of it back for the world.
There may be unique draws backs, but that’s because we are fundamentally different in our perceptions of the world, which is an asset.
Being a TCK isn’t a comfortable and easy life, but it definitely is a rich one.
Thank you for your speech Erik, well done. There was a pause in your speech, right at the end; what was it you touched on I wonder? Something was there for a moment. Was it the unspeakable grief of growing up without a solid sense of place, time, extended family, pets, culture and community?
Was it the accumulation of unrecognised losses that have to be packed up and somehow "dealt with". The inability to form a coherent narrative of your life that could somehow make sense to other people? The pain of growing up in a different hemisphere to where you live so you live in a kind of perpetual seasonal jet lag? The stress of having to "put on" your most current personality every single day of the week like a set of winter clothes that must be worn so you are prepared for your current social environment?
I was at a social function last week and someone who I have known for a few years asked me the inevitable question, "So where do you come from?" I just said, "Everywhere" I couldn't be bothered telling him because it's too complicated and I knew that he wouldn't understand.
When I started talking about post modern cultural practices of Pacific Islanders resulting from the neo liberal hegemony I knew I had committed a serious faux pas.
Being a TCK is a tough gig - I wish you all the best friend.
15:19 I'm glad someone else noticed that. I felt it; have been feeling it for over 50 years
Omg, now that I am listening to you, it is giving some weird comfort. I guess I can label myself as TCK since I was born in Turkmenistan lived there for 10 years, then Siberia for 11 years, now USA for 12. I truly am not sure what a home is for me, just like you said. A lot of what you are saying is ringing with truth to me. And every time when I am asked where are you from, your accent is beautiful haha and then I am like ummmm well I was born in bla bla bla... 🤣 and it is a challenge totally.
I am a TCK myself and I have been struggling with my identity more than before. I honestly urgently need advice:
I lived in the Philippines for 8 years, Mexico for 5, Washington USA for 3, and Texas for 2. I finally found a place where I feel rooted and grounded, a strong foundation for a Third Culture Kid like me here in Texas. I am so tired of moving to different countries, tired of always fighting a monster that might take my tomorrow, I am tired of being a depressed TCK. However, my parents want to move to the Dominican Republic. If I move again, my foundation would be shaken again, my scars would reopen, and I wouldn't completely heal. I am still praying for God's will if He wants me to move or not. But, any advice?
Lyndsay Cariaga R.
Hmm, sorry to hear that. I'm not a TCK, just biracial and having moved several times in my childhood. I somehow can relate to your pain and your desperation. I myself can still remember the pain when I had to move from one of my ancestral countries to the other leaving behind my friends and life.
Do your parents really have to move or do they just want to move? Did you talk to them and explain your feelings? I assume you're in your late teenage years - can't you just stay there by your own, maybe with some financial help by your parents?
Lyndsay Cariaga R.
Hmm, sorry to hear that. I'm not a TCK, just biracial and having moved several times in my childhood. I somehow can relate to your pain and your desperation. I myself can still remember the pain when I had to move from one of my ancestral countries to the other leaving behind my friends and life.
Do your parents really have to move or do they just want to move? Did you talk to them and explain your feelings? I assume you're in your late teenage years - can't you just stay there by your own, maybe with some financial help by your parents? I really hope that you can settle down soon!
@Tom Hagi
Thank you, I know you somehow understand my pain in moving! They were offered a job and they accepted, however, even now it is unclear whether we will move there. I hope this is God's way of saying that we do not have to move again. Yes, I did talk to them about my feelings and they feel like it is God's will to move. Yet, I personally do not think so. Anyway, yes I am going to be 18 by the supposed time we move and it would be amazing if I get to stay here until I graduate high school. Thank you so much for your comment, it honestly made my day. I feel like I can work this out with my parents (like what you were suggesting) and pray more about it with God. Thank you again and hope you have a more abundant life. :)
He nailed it down so well!
I'm currently on a life crisis cause I can't figure out where I want to start my career. Do I stay in Brazil which is where my family is currently at (no friends)? Or do I go back to the UK which is where I'm studying (no family and no friends)? Or do I go back to Portugal which is where I'm from (no friends)? Or do I go to the Netherlands where I lived for 3 years (no family)? Or do I just go to a completely different country (no family and no friends)? So many questions and no answers. Only a growing feeling of misplacement, loneliness and anxiety on where to be and what to do...
You are not alone!
What did you end up doing? I have a similar background 😆
@@yogawithrubens going to live with my family for a few months and see if I can get a job in any of the countries. If I can’t, then I’ll join a masters 😅
Best one i have seen on TCK's. Great slides as well!!
Wonderful talk Eric, very well spoken and explained. Loving the Irish green shirt 🇮🇪 I've grown to learn it doesn't matter not being able to say where you're from 》Just "I've moved around...", if people are interested they'll enquire. Thanks for sharing your story & opening up for the benefit of us all 😊🙏🤲 🌎
I don't think the quantity of countries you've lived in matters, the cultural shock is always the same. I was born in Argentina also and moved to the Canary Islands at six, however my passport is Italian because most of my family is from there. My parents transmitted to me all their cultural background so I consider myself from all this places and none; this is the long story, to resume it I always say that I'm from the ocean haha
As a TCK I can definitely relate!
Amazing talk! Thank you so much
This hit home...no pun intended
I was in foster care between 199-1999 and never adopted. I can never answer the question "where are you from?". I spent time in many families and no American family is the same. I went from highly conservative religious families to families in the public eye. This hits 100% home to me.
Recently a friend told me strongly that I'm not a TCK, because I only started moving to cultures significantly different from my passport country's when I was around 13. The country I lived the longest during this period of time has been mistaken as "very similar" to my passport country's. In fact, those two are not the same at all. To be honest, I was deeply offended by my friend. There is no one kind of TCK, moreover, doesn't matter what my friend says to me, it won't change the way I feel. I just moved "back" to my passport country about 3 months ago, the struggles to fit in are getting harder in my everyday life, so much that I had to start seeing a therapist. Some TCKs are not world travelers at a very young age, but that doesn't make them less TCK. I hope people would start seeing that.
+Grace Ho Also, your identity is not yet solidified at age 13. So you definitely had a lot of adjusting to do. I think anyone who moves around a lot during their childhood, even if it's within the same region, will have the same sense of "weak connectivity" as a TCK. You lose friends. You're always the new kid. You have to start over. With TCKs, especially those with multicultural upbringings, it's just so much "worse" (of course, there are upsides)...but it messes up your sense of self. It's just A LOT of adjusting. I now live outside of Asia, which is a bit of a "blessing" because I am simply categorized as "Asian". But it's still complicated. My rule in life is to never make assumptions until you get to know someone first (i.e. do not immediately stereotype anyone), but I've made peace with the fact that not everyone functions this way.
I disagree with your friend! I think those teen years are the most critical and defining years of personal development and self identity!
I feel this on a spiritual level
My kids are tck that is why i am here! Most feared question for them is "where are you from?"... Because they have to explain their lifes... At least now there is more awareness of the challenges of being a tck
I'm born in India and I'm of Indian origin and I'm TCK because I grew up in another state which is totally different from my state and I studied in an Anglo Indian school with Christian culture and my classmates were from all over India. I couldn't describe myself, because I'm not common.
I always wondered why would I cry over people asking me where I'm from, because I would always lie and never tell them that I move countries every few years so I never have a clear answer, it gets so frustrating, but I feel less lonely and understood in this video, and I'm glad to not be the only one who is a tck
Thank you so much for all the work to sum up such a complex topic. Is there a way to exchange with other TCKs?
I'm not a third culture kid but i get it. I personally go by the country i was born i consider this my parents home. I want to move elsewhere to find a place i call home. I am a bit more cultured coz i went to HS in an asian neighborhood, worked among aboriginals in uni n born in Africa so rarely relate to the average person.
Myself is a TCK. Yes when ppl ask where I am from, my passport says Korean and I currently lived in Korea but I can’t not leave out the fact that I lived in Hong Kong for 9 years before 19. Then they people ask when? Then it needs more time to explain. I was in HongKong for 9 years in total, but for 3 time and each time 3years so it was a separate 9 year. So I had to move back and forth between Hong Kong and Korea. When I explain this ppl get confused and not much can remember. As Korea has a very strong culture of belonging to a group, it was very hard to adjust so I also started to act as if I adjusted to culture because it’s easier to live. I totally agree at 11:30 ‘people who haven’t travelled have hard time to relating to’. Who does not much know about Hong Kong, might think it’s a country in Asia so the culture might be quite similar to Korea, but it’s very different due to its history and among a lot of International schools in Hong Kong, I attended one of English Schools Foundations schools meaning the curriculum is based in UK, teachers and student mostly are from UK and hold UK passport. As a schooling period I spent 6-8hrs at school which is almost half of the day (with out sleeping time) and you will realize how much that will influence young kid.
That led me to study further in the UK and became more curious about UK. Also still have difficult time to take the Korean culture but the most difficult part is that explaining I think differently because of the cultural differences.
I luckily married a TCK but I have yet to find another TCK in years. The hardest part is always how you look and how you sound. If you oddly have an American accent, you're held to American standards, if you look like you may be from Taiwan, you're held to Taiwanese standards, this applies even with your own parents. Yet you are one unique person who can't share all of you with another person because it's just not possible. This isn't to say you've met wonderful people and formed wonderful friendships, but it's never the same.
Jen N i luckily married to a TCK too! i’m a taiwanese, but i always have to remind myself my hubby isn’t a taiwanese. otherwise he acts supper wired for the most of the time 🤪
I went abroad to study college and on our first day we were asked where we're from because we were all intl students and god was it nerve-wracking for me waiting for my turn I was trying to think how to answer it easily I don't even remember what was my answer at the time now
this is the most relatable video ever
Born in Honduras to a German dad and Honduran mom. Moved to Uganda when I was 1 year old and lived there until I was 6. Moved to Honduras and back and forth within Germany and Honduras. I am a TCK?
I haven’t resonated so much with a ted talk!
Yesssssss resonates sooo so much
Excellent!
"So, where are you from?"
"Houston, Texas, Brazil, back to Houston, back to Brazil, back to Houston, Singapore, Houston, all before I turned 5. Germany when I was 7, back to Houston. Now, Arkansas."
"Military or missionary?"
"Neither. Tech."
I just say I'm Johnny Cash - I've been everywhere. I've moved enough to go around the equator twice.
As a third culture kid I can relate soooooo hard to this
This is me, and has been for over thirty years of my life.
As a TCK, one of the biggest benefits is that my home is anywhere in the world.