Third Culture Kids: the impact of growing up in a globalized world | Ruth Van Reken | TEDxINSEAD
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- Third Culture Kids are those children who grow up in a culture that is different from his parents’ culture. The number of TCKs has increased as never before in History, and this is not without consequences. Ruth Van Reken shares her insight on the griefs and gains of being the Third Culture Kid.
Ruth Van Reken is a second generation Third Culture Kid (TCK - a child who spends a significant period of time during his or her developmental years growing up in a culture outside the parents’ culture.), mother of three adult TCKs, and co-author of the internationally acclaimed book, Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
It just got too real... it was all a little too relatable and I just started to ball my eyes out. It's finally starting to make sens why I feel the way I do
You're not alone Ruby-Ann
I feel the same way! I finally understand my underlying sadness!
Same here doll !
Me too- sitting here weeping right now
My turn. I got here at 49.
Yes! I understand the silent depression...and the fear of losing people again. Thank you for your honesty. I, too, hid my story in high school.
I hid my story In high school also.
I hid it too but wish i didn’t
Interesting! I am ethinically Malaysian, adopted into a British family but was brought up in Japan, Nigeria, Holland, Kuwait, Dubai and now finally in Britain :)
I too lived in Nigeria for some years. World is small😉
Beats me.
you can't be ethnically Malaysian since it's a nationality! Like I'm a Malaysian national, Malay by ethnicity and grew up moving around the MENA region
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Thank you!!!!
I've been struggling with identity for yrs now. I'm 39, grew up in 5 countries, miss ppl, can't attach to ppl deeply, get anxiety and depression occassionally, my therapist is fascinated with my life experiences, ppl are fascinated at the no. of languages I speak. I miss my childhood countries and cultures deeply. And worst of all my therapist (and friends) just don't seem to understand what the problem is.
I try to learn all the little cultral neuances before I mix, It's frustrating I just can't be a natural. And most of all, the terrible feeling of not knowing who you are, where you belong, feeling of not fully belonging anywhere, the frustration that I don't fully 'fit' anywhere :( no one gets it!
+ not knowing where you're from upon being asked... that's the most confusing question.
Mainly I've never established a who am I, I think in 3 different languages, adapt and try to blend so ppl think I'm shy, which I'm not, and can't connect on a deep level. Desperately seek for multicultral ppl like myself but haven't found yet.
Enjoyed the talk!
Hang in there. TCKs are all around. No pigeon holes for us. I'm with her last point: I can be all of it.
betty deil hi! I am a TCK myself, have you tried looking for TCK groups on Facebook? There are groups all around the world!
I always referred to myself as a stranger in every country 🙏🏼
And we wear masks to assimilate to every society and whilst we struggle with our mental health we are also chameleons. I’m based in the US, and in my 20s now but can relate to very few. Where are you based now? Good wishes.
Can’t explain how much the comment has helped me, reading it makes me feel less alone thank you 🙏🏻
Born in Austria left when I was 3 moved to the states left when I was 7 moved to Poland left when I was 8 or 9 moved to England left when I was 9 or 10. Now currently living in the US I’m now 16 and I still have no clue where im from. In the US im too Alien or foreign in my family I’m too American, everywhere else I’m also different. “Where are you from” is the most confusing question. Only have 1 extremely close friend, and I had know idea why I had so many identity issues until this video, thank you. 🙏🏻
- 6 months later, I have moved again in the US…. STILL GOING 🙌🏻🙌🏻
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Such a relief finding this video as from 0-18 years i moved around across 2 countries and went to 8 different schools. i finally feel understood
I’ve been depressed for years because of this thinking something is wrong with me. Thank you for sharing 💕
born in Hong Kong, raised in the US, lived in Singapore, Netherlands, and now Denmark, traveled to 40+ countries, and I am not even 30. I can very much relate!
I've listened to Ruth before. There is not a false bone in her body. She knows whereof she speaks. I am returning to a country I spent a formative part of my childhood in after 23 years. It's the first time I've been back after my grandmother died, and I'm toward the end of my trip. My grief over my grandmother's death has weighed on me recently, but it wasn't until I just listened to this did I give myself permission to acknowledge it and give it the time it needs. I'm sure she knows this, but, you have given some of us a sigh and tears of relief as we feel losses in ways others may not understand. My grandmother died ten years ago, but as I've seen before, getting to the country of the deceased where I spent so much time with her allows for the grief to continue in ways one cannot do away from that country. Peace to all of you.
Thank you! I loved the schematic and the “hidden immigrant” was just mind blowing to me as a concept because that’s exactly how I felt when I went back to my passport country after years in another culture! And I didn’t know it had a term.. and the question that always confounded me was.. “so where are you from?” The answer was always 5 minutes long 😂
I came back to my passport country, and the struggles are real :(
Me too. I grew up in Korea, but my passport is US.
Same. I've been in my passport country for almost 7 years and I finally have friends I love and feel close to, but they don't fully understand my TCK-ness. I appreciate them for trying, but they just miss the mark. I eventually stopped talking about it.
It’s so important to get help with this whole huge mess. There are many member care organizations now, largely because of the work Ruth Van Reken has done. Usually these are people who have lived through this, and received help, and training to help others. So true about regular therapists not getting it.
Resonates sooo much!! I’m Lebanese, born in Sierra Leone raised in Nigeria now living in the UK
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my whole life ive been so confused of where is home. not only am i a 3rd culture kid but also biracial. i spent half of my pre-18 years in one country (moms home country) and the other half in my dad's home country. im still quite confused tbh but this ted talk made me feel better and more seen. great speech 👏
Wow, everyone is always so fascinated by my story. I do feel grateful for my upbringing but I have never had "my tribe" and always felt like an outsider. I'm a pretty upbeat person so it's always been a mystery to me but I finally understand my underlying sadness. Thank you!
I totally get you.
Lead Your Ideal Life we’re all a bunch of sadness. Just live your best life cus nothing here is permanent.. It took me a long time to understand myself. Now I’m a bit of a stoic but my existential crisis have been greatly reduced 😂
Absolutely!!! So many times the benefits are shared in light ways without addressing the weightier issues of loss, grief, belonging, and compromised development. Awesome presentation.
I love being a TCK! 😁 I don't think I would have liked to be restricted to one culture and one upbringing. Growing up I was always aware there was a bigger world out there and that reassured me immensely at times. I also like that I think quite critically about culture.
WOW.........I don't care.
So many babies crying on here about being a TCK. Living overseas and enjoying the splendors of other countries and cultures was awesome. I miss living around the world now that I'm 32 and comfortable in California. Would love to spend another few years in Kazakhstan or Africa or Europe again. 🌍
I spent 14 years in Portugal so basically all of my childhood and youth. This has had a profound impact on my life even almost 30 years being back stateside.
huh. didn't expect to cry from a tedtalk, ya learn something new everyday. 👋 to my fellow TCKs
" It was the first time i knew i had a name..."
Well now we have a name and we do actually belong to something “3rd culture gen” let’s go bb
It's great to hear another third culture kid talk about their experience and know that I am not alone! I wish I would have had this when I was struggling with my identity after coming "home". Hopefully this can help other TCKs!
2.5 minutes in I’m crying... Iykyk.
My parents are from Sudan but I was born and raised in Saudi Arabia and now I live in Canada. The funny thing Is I have very few in common with those three cultures.
I relate to this on so many levels 😭😭😭
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I was born in Germany to a French mother and a German father. We all spoke French at home and the French culture was dominant. Later I discovered my love for Britain and the English language. I got married to a Colombian/Swiss/US national and we speak English at home. We have a son who holds four passports (not counting the Colombian) and lives with us in traditional Bavaria, Germany. In addition to the different cultures, he is a gifted child. Today at the age of 14 all he wants is to be "normal" and fit in. There are many reasons that make it hard for him to make friends - and I hope I can help him overcome what he perceives as barriers and make the best of it.
Thank you.
Thank you so much for this. I am a 41 year old new canadian immigramt from South Africa and although I am not a kid this absolutely resonates with me😢there is so much to love about canada and we moved here for the future of our kids but it is still not home. How do u process the grief of the seemedly insurmountable loss?
Born in cross cultural parents, born in hk, move to Thailand .. Every school holidays we usually travel to Europe, Australia, US and Asian countries , when ppl asked of where we’re coming from , I would say Thailand. However, at school when ask where I’m from.. I’m like.. huh..!?! Truth is , I don’t know how to answer this question. I’m confused, I’m not so sure what to say. I haven’t lived to any of my parent’s country. We visit every year , but that’s about it. And still here.. our overseas journey hasn’t end, yet..
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Missionaries kids. Another example of cross cultural kids. I am white european, but I spent 3 years from the ages of 12 to 15 in a pacific island country while my parents were missonaries. I hated it!! And when we finally did go back home, we did not go back to my home town no matter how much i begged. We moved back to my parents home town that was on the other side of the country. So I couldnt even go back to my old friends. I consider myself to be a former cross cultural child. I am grown up now, married with kids of my own, but I still remember how painful those teenage years were for me. And I always tell church families to NOT take their teenage kids with them when they go off to be missionaries. Younger kids yes - those under 10 - sure it will be an adventure for them. But not teenagers and preferably not pre-teens.
missionary kids actually do fall under the definition of TCKs. BUt anyways, the struggles can be equally as difficult. but also the chances and gifts you might have gotten out of it can be equally as good
That is a bit late in the life of a child to take them cross-culturally. I'm sorry it was such a horrific event for you. I was taken "abroad" when I was three-years-old...and it was all an adventure. Our sending agency didn't allow families to go if the children were 12-13 or older....
I was born on the mission field and learned two languages at the same time. We came back to the States, went to another country, came back, and then went back to a new country when I was 13. I never got a chance to feel comfortable in America and feel like I am best off being a foriegner.
Everyone is different. For most kids that would be awfully hard. Part of the trouble is that the parents are “working for God”, so how can you complain? No matter how long it’s been, unresolved painful stuff still affects us-and all our relationships. The good news is that there really is resolution that can be found, and peace. Hard to walk free from this alone. “It’s the strong who reach out for help.”
Maybe white people can stop trying to force their beliefs on foreign people. Stay away ;)
We have a gift!!
Chameleon here 👋🏿
I feel the same! Thank you for that share!
T
Please, allow me to add subtitles. I need to send this to my family and they do not speak english
I'm American and moved to Egypt. Love my family in Egypt but miss the mountains in the west. Love the culture in Egypt but don't like the culture in America. Wish I could move my family to the mountains of the western world. Lol uh.
Same here.
I can relate so much to this, I made a video on my channel about my experience as a TCK. Check it out!
Hmmm... I’m Indonesian Citizen w/ very2 Dutch-English cultured,heritage and ancestry. I‘m heavily exposed to American culture due to globalizations to a point that I found American jokes are funnier than Indonesian, and the point that I don’t really get how Indonesian in my age think like. Feels like I don’t really belong here