Confusing Sh*t Men Say (And What They Really Mean)
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- čas přidán 2. 06. 2024
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For today’s brand-new video, I asked you to send me the “most confusing thing a guy’s ever said to you,” and you didn’t disappoint.
From classic excuses to creative new ones, you’ll learn how to figure out whether what he’s saying is actually a red flag indicating that he’s just looking for something casual with you, or whether it’s safe to proceed. Together we’ll walk through 9 of the top excuses so you know how to spot them in the future and avoid unnecessary pain.
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 0:43 - The Most Confusing Things Guys Say
0:43 - 1:36 - When They See You as "Someone to Marry, Not Date"
1:36 - 2:47 - Confusing Flattery and "I Like You Too Much to Date You"
2:47 - 5:01 - When They Jump Ship Then Return
5:01 - 6:20 - "Let's Take It Day by Day": Wanting an Experience Rather Than a Relationship
6:20 - 7:10 - Dating With No Intention
7:10 - 8:25 - When They Say "You're Too Independent"
8:25 - 9:28 - Pandering Statements
9:28 - 12:21 - Actions vs. Words: "I Can't Give You a Title but I Act Like Your Boyfriend . . ."
12:21 - 14:22 - The Classic: "It's Not You, It’s Me."
14:22 - 14:51 - Sticking to Your Reality
14:51 - 16:43 - Special Offer
Last time a man told me "It's not you, it's me", I answered "You're right about that" and I walked away and ended the relationship myself. It happened a few months ago after tons of mixed signals, I got simply tired. I deserved better.
Best decision ever 🤗, it's so annoying when someone cannot make up their mind..
@@patiencemtetwa if a guy says it's him, not you, he has decisively made up his mind. There's zero uncertainty there.
Love that you said that !
Good for you!
Well done. Respect. I just did the same. I went medieval on his bum for wasting my time. Sorry man but I’ve got plans. Get out of my way you jackal.
Guys are not complicated with their communication. If they want you, you'll know without a doubt. Mixed messages mean they're not interested. Period.
Yeah but they still act like they do for a while sometimes. Some of them can't stand being alone so much they snatch the first girl to look their way.
hard truth sadly. if your intuition tells you they're not that interested you should listen to it, bc sadly I didn't lol.
They are not complicated, they are liars.
@@prepi5630 yes that’s why women should do the same to them and have no remorse. be savage just like them. do not play their game when you recognize it.
What about a guy that is interested but is 4 hours away and hasn't set up a new meetup? We've been talking for 2 months and met 2 weeks ago and had a great time , talk everyday.
Men have gotten really creative with ways to say "i don't want to be in a relationship with you"
It's not men, it's that small percentage of players that live in abundance.
Here’s one “ I looked up on Google the kind of guy that would be good for you”. 😂
It’s really sad
😂 true
@@oemj7147 unfortunately most of us(women) met such men. So there’re plenty of them.
My ex-husband used to say "I don't want you to be upset," but he didn't mean he was going to change his actions accordingly. He was just telling you not to be upset anymore.
Lmao what? If you did not like his actions, why did you marry him?
There have been many, MANY instances of men being dumped by women because the former changed as of the latter's request.
No. A man should not change himself for a woman. His current self is exactly why the woman chose him in the first place.
Terrible response. People change or do things in a relationship that they didn't do initially. It's important to still work on ourselves and be open to work on ourselves as partners. Her husband displayed a shift in accountability. He can absolutely choose to not take accountability but then he lost his partner. Same can go for women too. A relationship takes work always.
Sounds like he was unable to take accountability to make changes. Almost gaslighting.
@@ShadowbannedAccount you must be born today or something cause only a social y inept moron wouldn't know about people putting on their best behavior before marriage and then suddenly dropping the mask and revealing their true colors after marriage or even pregnancy cause now for the next 18 years at least there's a whole society out there to constantly pressure and remind the women (never the man) to not "break the family and ruin the children" and stay with the abusive spouse instead. Maybe get out of your house and touch some grass once in a while instead of being chronically online and making foolish comments and assumptions like this.
Man here. I never say any of this crap but I know there are men who do. Don't waste your time. There are plenty of men looking for a girlfriend who would be happy to label you as such and commit to you. It is hard to find, even I have struggled finding commitment from women as my ex fiance recently broke things off as the reality of commitment set in...but you and I deserve secure individuals who aren't afraid of intimacy and commitment. We don't have to settle for less. You aren't being needy asking for love and commitment
Period.
Please don’t feel the need to save women like you said there’s people out here wanting commitment and have done the work to be worthy of such commitment
This comment! 🙌 I’ve finally come up to my senses and decided to leave my ex’s life after a month of his indecisiveness. He opened the door for me after breaking up and recently just got the courage to finally walk towards that.
Definitely 👍
People want partners!
Brett. Read the comments below in response. They all want the chads, even though they’ll swear blind that they don’t. They want commitment alright but from the same 5% of men.
Avoid! 😄
I've decided--I'm not going to be confused by men anymore. If he can't be clear about what he wants and if it doesn't line up with what I want, I'm not going to try and figure him out. Mature, ready men know what they want and can articulate it. Don't make me guess especially when I'm very clear about what I want.
L. Stockton, how right you are! People should be more knowledgeable of what they are and want. Love and relationships are not a game, it’s your feelings and well being involved. One must be careful and gracious when choosing a date. Young men want to chase women infinitely, and are mainly inmature. So ladies, be wise. Blessings
brutally true, thanks for sharing.
Exactly this!
Same!
Don’t chase people that don’t chase back. If they don’t want to do the work, why continue? This goes for all relationships.
This is what men say as a disclaimer so when they treat you badly later they can go back and say.... well I told you I wasn't a good fit. It's your fault you stayed and got hurt. It's a way to pass off any responsibility for treating another person badly.
Yup
I'm just going to repeat Matthew's words at the end there, "You just need to stick to your reality (don't get distracted by their riddles) if this person isn't commiting and they aren't giving you very much, they are not showing up for you, they are confusing you constantly that's your reality. Regardless if they have reasons for being confusing and complicated are malicous or sympathetic it doesn't change your reality."
My advice to other women here is get grounded in your values. Regardless if you want to have a monogamous relationship, an open one or be single. And hold men accountable for what they say and do.
If someone says antything like this,
believe they only want sex, affirmation and attention. And if you are ok with that, remind them that THEY are just an option to you aswell. No double standard.
If you are looking for more, state it and say that you would appriciate if they stopped wasting your time. Some guys have a hard time respecting boundaries once you actually see through their BS and let them know they are replaceable. They will get anxious and clingy and chase you.
The block button is your friend.
Keep out of toxic relationships and situations where only one of you is being honest ❤
Well said. It’s harder for girls/women who are younger,, I feel. I’m older now and it’s easier for me to throw them overboard. It’s not about “time,” it’s about “you’re not a person of good character to think uou can play with me, get sex off me, whatever.” These fools make me laugh now, thank God.
Best advice! Love this
Amen to this 🙏💫
Dating 101. But rule #1 no sex. The truth is always exposed. Always..
@@staceywood7800May I ask, do you mean no sex on the first date or just no to sex - honest question x
Don’t have sex with a man who hasn’t improved your life in any way. It’s simple.
He said "I need to do soul searching to know what I want." Translation: I don't want a relationship with you but I want to string you along indefinitely. Dump his ass after I figured it out 🤣
Who here is binge watching Matthew’s videos? ❤❤
Me 😃😁
Who isn’t?! :)
Me 😉
That was me from last April to almost June
Me!
You forgot to add - "you deserve more than I can offer you" which is what I just got after 6 months. 1) I know what I want and deserve and I don't need you to tell me and 2) I literally just want companionship- I pay my own bills, make my own friends, have my own interests and have my life together
this is whats happening to me he doesnt need me hes independent i need someone to meet my needs and that needs me!
Same... same...
Men tells a lot, those who talk a lot in the beginning are not mature, stable and will dissapear fast. Others like you and tell you they coming, you hear emotion, but they not came. Wanted came from the maraton first, not you. They cant come so they go somewhere else soon... We women like in Dreams....
@@lindalin5998 It was 2.5 years total he started acting like himself after 6 months. I thought he was the one. Never believe a love bomber, although I think he truly meant it. He just couldnt deal with the responsibility. Wanted a gf but didn't want to be a bf.
Yeah I've been in the "no title" situation and the "day by day". Almost three months in it was just as easy for me to walk away with no emotional pain and his lack of commitment meant I didn't give more than I wanted to give. Remember girls he's made it just as easy for you to find the exit door and you're just as free as he is.
That’s if you’re on the same page and you’re lucky enough to have managed for a man not to mislead you and tell you up front. Not a lot of men are honest about their intentions. They hide things in the beginning that you should know…
@@leyacallender4405 True they do but he knew my intentions from the beginning and I felt he used his "honesty" as some kind of defense or game play like as if I was lucky to have it.
I'm no relationship expert at all and I wouldn't say that I'm successful with men etc but I try to be more selfish and I'm defo not interested in silly games. I'd rather be single than be in a relationship that's causing emotional stress and anxiety
@@ictcomputersciencewithmiss8965
You represent about 50% to 60% of the great women who settle for the lesser quality or low value men in the world. We all have our reasons. Thanks for being a high quality woman. If I were you, though, I would have walked away. I guess it does depend on how much time you’re willing to waste. I’m a mid spring chicken. I’m certainly still fairly young and would definitely be referred to a a kid you know? I’m willing to waste about another 2 years but not much more than that. I’ve just had it with the dating apps. Too many weird men or crazy men out there. Sad part is that they are also intelligent and handsome too. I just can see past the crazy so much like you I’d rather be single. I’ve been following Matthew for a while now and he’s comforted me through some pretty tough times. Besides him Jay and Elena I don’t listen to any other relationship experts I mean besides Stephen speaks and I rarely listen to him. But Matthew I will listen to on CZcams and on podcast. He knows what he’s talking about.
Choose someone who chooses you first. Remember that and you will never lose yourself or have wrong faith in mixed messages
This is hilarious, no wonder our dating market is so fucked
It's actually pretty sad.
When I first heard, 'it's not you, it's me' to me it states there is nothing wrong with the person on the receiving end of the breakup but the person who wants to end it knows they can't give them what they want anymore.
Yes a man told me this and I was very sad! Still struggling and trying to get over it 😩
That was an episode on Seinfeld with George! Lol
😊😊😊
@AliSand you aren't owed a relationship.
@AliSand i don't think it's that easy. Someone else might not ask for same things as you
"You're too independent for me!" I have said this to my boyfriend when we first started dating. What Matthew says, as always, is spot on. It was because I was USED to my ex who was on the emotionally needy side. Getting un-used to a relationship takes time and effort, but it's absolutely worthy. Now my boyfriend is still independent, but I just became more independent to match him. And we work wonderfully together.
"I like you too much to be with you", I've just taken it to be that some people know they're too messed up to be a good partner, and I'm glad to be told early enough to get out than get my heart even more broken later down the road.
I once said to a guy who only was after sex with me: "I like you too much to just give you what you want". I knew HE is always so messed up and that I deserve a normal relationship, not casual sex meetings whenever he feels lonely. And I did like him a lot for some weird reason. There is nothing to like even 🤔
So basically I said to him the phrase your one said to you that I like him way too much to carry on seeing him. Meaning I knew he would break my heart as he is emotionally unavailable and is after sex only. Nothing else interests this man.
Huh… I've always thought the "It's not you, it's me" meant "There's nothing wrong with you, it's just I don't feel it (anymore, never did, etc.)/ I've changed my mind"
So when someone says they're the problem, you listen and move on. Unless they want to fix it, is not your job.
“People will give you their reasons
You need to stick to your reality “ love that ❤❤ it’s so easy to get swept away by trying to “help” or be empathetic when reality is they’re not right for you and they’re letting you know that one way or another
"You're too good for me." Repeatedly said that, so I questioned him. Replied with, "I don't know, you just are." Pissed me off 😂
Another one is: after you’ve expressed a concern, he says - “I am not forcing you to do anything, you are choosing this. You can do something else any time you want.” - yet giving all the “answers” (which feels like lies) to answer whatever doubts you have.
So confusing.
Gaslighting followed by dismissing your concern and ended with a warning "you can do anything you want" aka, I can do this to you but don't you dare do it to me.
RUN!
@@vikki8699 yup
I have treated so many men this way in the past ...it goes both ways . I wish I new myself more and had enough respect for them and me to have been better . I am now always up front and honest .
He blocked me out of nowhere, then texted me a few weeks later saying he was toxic and he was being the bigger person by doing this. What you said about riddles is sooo true. I tortured myself for months trying to decipher what he meant by that, it’s pointless because that person’s words and actions aren’t matching up.
Sounds like he had some self insight and you should probably just believe him, instead of trying to know more.
@@lnilsson1376 I couldn’t help taking it personally and analyzed everything I did wrong. At some point I had to just forgive myself by saying I didn’t know better to make peace with it. But yeah I think he was being hard on himself too.
He has a boarder line personality and you really want an emotionally unstable man??
"Sticking to your reality." Great advice. I really wish I discovered Matthew 's channel years ago then i would have the wisdom without the destructive pain to teach me. There was this "nice" guy, he's really nice but he's not good. I used to make excuses for his actions towards me, because I wanted to believe he's a good person. But he's not, I should've stick with my reality.
When I told him I loved him, he told me “ men have a harder time telling a woman he loves her”. “Does my actions not tell you I love you”? “ I don’t want to lose you”. So confusing!
It's not confusing. If a guy doesn't say I love you back, he is not in love with you. ...I said it once to a guy and he didn't respond. I wanted to die....I would never ever say it first to any man again.
I kept getting "I love you and I'll do anything for you but you're this and that and the other, too much for me bla bla bla... " I just told him "It's not me it's you..."
A guy said to me "I'm here until you're done with me". I ask what that meant. He said whatever you want it to mean.
"Lets be exclusive but not bf and gf" "i have somethings to figure out, it is better if we are just friends for a bit" ... me ... spiralizes into wtf does that mean? What happened? Ok its on him. Now, 3.5 months later, no contact effort or followup (and he may be a fearful or dismissive avoidant) or not into me or not over an ex or truly working on himself, but for me, im out and wanna be with someone who is ready and who wants me and treats me as well as luke treats lorelai. It is exhausting - we are never ever ever getting back together - like EVER. (Cue ts) It is too disregulating and confusion. Palpitations walking on egg shells cortisol increases. White hairs weight gain sleepless nights. Forget it. The dating scene sucks but this hurts and sucks more. 4 years later. Not wasted, so much learned. I am a good person. I try hard, communicate, listen, etc and need someone who wants to do that for me and be like omg im with (my name)
Keep it movin, you deserve way better
Isn't 'let's be exclusive but not bf/gf' a stage of dating now?
@@joiluckadoo-villa9601 they want the benefits without the responsibility. Pass. No kisses until i have a title. My heart and safety matter and thats why it is so important to be friends first
This channel, hands down, is my favorite…
I trust the kind -no nonsense advice…
May God bless this channel and each person who is looking for the answers they need…
@Conquest
What you are trying there is the genetic fallacy in a nutshell. Don`t think fallacies are smart argument. Learn how to think correctly.
Those boat analogies had me laughing out loud!!! Particularly the “rusty tugboat”. haha Thanks for the morning laugh 😆
Don’t you just wish you had a little Matt in your pocket to translate in real time? 😂 these were helpful and I’d be curious to see the confusing things women say
Oh for sure!! 😂💕 like “Hey, Siri?!” But it’s Matt instead
Humbly disagree on one interpretation: I was too independent. I “didn’t need” my partner to fix things for me, I “had everything under control,” I “wasn’t weak,” keep pushing through issues in my life because I was “strong” instead of being honest that I was only hurting myself. I had to learn to share my feelings and stop trying to control everything around me. And started to actually listen to my heart. And it was and continues to be hard to be so vulnerable with another person.
I was told twice “you should be with someone whose not working that way he’s available for you because my job requiring me to work more hours and I won’t have time to give you what you need “……I found out a year later he got married to someone else.
@Conquest soooo I’m not crying about it, I’ve moved on a lone time ago and I wrote what happened to me as many others have and I’m sure you’ve been thru situations when you dated also.
Thank God he left before he made you step on his sh*t .
@@d0onee344 Absolutely
@Watchout4Vsounds like you have been hurt and you haven’t moved on…
Probably a nicer way of saying you were clingy, in all frankness.
I got tired of someone stringing me along last year. He would go weeks without communication, mixed messages, and other shady actions. I got very direct about the future and got his feeble answer. I had meditated about this beforehand about what I would say. I said it was nice to meet you but I’m not interested this game you’re playing. I cut all contact so he couldn’t slip back in. Best thing I’ve ever done. At that moment I realized my worth.
Omg yes! Can we please have an updated reboot of the ‘what he says vs what he really means’ video for both girls and guys?😊😊😊. Lol gosh that feels like forever ago, but clearly stuck with me all these years later. Absolutely loved it 🌸
something for when a relationship is a few years down the line would be nice as well- i think we men can send confusing messages about marriage for example
MH is a dating coach for women (not men). You will need to look at dating coaches whose target audience are men for a male version of this advice
Ladies. All of these lines are straight out of the Player's Handbook: How to Gaslight Her. As soon as you hear these 🔼RED FLAGS 🔼have some self respect and move on to meeting a genuine man. If you stay, you are simply ENABLING his behaviour but choosing to live in denial. TC x
Well said!!!
When she turned to the camera 😂😂😂
Day by day, here in Brazil is like, I am staying with you and other girls, when I find someone better than you, I will leave you... This is because, today, I say what I am goint to have in my life before start to stay with a guy, and I am very careful when I say it, because a lot of guys really don´t understand what we say... Thank you Matt, for sharing so much and making our relationships better!!! Kisses from Brazil!
9:28 the way she looked into the camera 😄
Some people just can’t be single and have to keep anyone on the “back burner”. Single life is wonderful!
Omg! I have heard of these excuses before and I definitely progress in my dating process and not waste my time. Building healthy boundaries saves me from unnecessary heartache..
You explained the "you're too independent" so well.
True!!
For most men, it means the trajectory of your lives are different. If you both have different life-paths but want to be together, one of you is going to have to sacrifice theirs. For relationships, women will usually have to do that because the scope of the would-be relationship is, presumably, lifelong. Women are great with managing the short term but often struggle with plans that are decades out. Terrible as it sounds, once guys take off the 'sexual blinders' and see their partner is a liability for those long term plans, they often opt to end the relationship.
As a man, I disagree with Matthew on this. When a man says, "You're too independent" he's saying you have masculine energy. That whole attitude of "I can do everything myself" that women are exuding now. That doesn't mean he needs to you depend on him for him to feel validated, it means that if you don't give up your attitude of independence that there's no point in being in a relationship. Two different things. I want a woman who can handle her business, but I don't want that attitude to spill over into the relationship as masculine energy, which women can't even see happening.
@@csx6910 you're right... Especially if we're dealing with the ambitions kind of guy...
@@csx6910 considering people often have/want children and/or care for family members. A woman's consideration of long term plans are not concrete depending on children/career/living situation etc. With all these considerations, a concrete 20 year plan is a waste of energy. Life evolves year by year. Anyone who doesn't understand that life plans must be re-evaluated yearly are not prepared to add anyone into their life.
“I don’t believe in our future, but I’m committed to you now” 🙃
We all know deep down what these mean, but SO needed to hear it out loud 😅
Matthew, you're a life saver... I haven't watched any of your videos in ages but somehow you got into my brain and I am sooooo greatful for that right now. Don't want to bore anyone with the details but what I had in the back of my mind seriously kept nagging me when I was about to make excuses for someone yet again.
in these three years, Mathew really saves me. Always learned. Really appreciatted!
Wow. This is SO helpful! To hear these statements out loud and analyzed is eye opening.
I love you, Matthew Hussey! Happy to live in this day and age when you can help us get our dream relationship!
It was a reaaly fun video to watch when you recovered toxic situationships and finally in a good relationship
‘….significance from a more nutritional internal source….’ So brilliant 👏👏👏
"You're probably perfect for me"
"You're a really good person"
“You’re a really good person” is so annoying to hear from them 🙄
@@_tvbeauty Yes, I think theh say this to flatter to open us up so they can take advantage of us
@@_tvbeauty very underwhelming 😊
@@_tvbeauty Reverse uno card. Players dealing with girls the way girls deal with nice guys.
How about…if he really wants to be with you, you will feel he wants to be with you because he makes effort and uses his words wisely when he speaks to you
Thank you MATT!!!! You have no idea how helpful the audio messages have been! Instead of having to search through your videos each time I need to be talked off a ledge 😂 I now have them in my pocket. Please do more of these❤❤❤❤
This video and the things men say is a great reminder to watch what a guy does and not what he says!
Thanks Matt for clarifying some of the intentions. Someone used to provoke me constantly to push my boundaries and seeing where I was standing. Have to say I still had to find which were (still in the process of it) some of the boundaries but the fact itself that he insisted on saying the wrong thing/wrong behaviour with proud expression when I specifically expressed my disagreement, was a lot to take. I felt unrespected.
I adore Matthew because he is always telling the truth
Haha resonate so much with the ‘I’m complicated and it’s not you it’s me’
Finally realised regardless of their intentions, being manipulative or truly is complicated for legitimate reasons, it’s not gonna be healthy for you. Exit as early as you can. ❤️
You speak a lot of sense Matthew and I like the rationalisation of your comments. I would, however, suggest an alternate explanation of the, "You're too independent" statement.
I have used this statement myself on one occasion. The lady in question was a single mother who took enormous pride in caring for her two boys (and had done so for quite a while). She was a good Mum, yet refused all sorts of help and still wanted to maintain a close and intimate relationship with me. When I tried to take initiative and step in to help out with small domestic tasks she would feel threatened.
From this I concluded that when a partner doesn't accept at least some help it makes it very difficult to form a bond of trust. We all have our vulnerabilities and at times the modern world almost expects us to pretend we have none. I was willing to admit mine, yet she felt she had none.
I did eventually explain to her that I had no clear purpose being in the relationship. And yes, I did say something very much like "You're too independent". I wish to point out that I offered that explanation so she had a clear understanding of why I was unwilling to invest any more time.
I hope that helps people viewing here. It's just another way of considering that statement.
The too independent one, I’ve heard men explain that as feeling like they can’t be useful to a woman and that they therefore shouldn’t be with her. It’s almost like if you don’t want what they offer to a relationship, then why should they try to have one with you.
Don’t trust words until they align with actions and patterns. It’s easy to act good for a day or two but patterns of behaviour will tell you their true intention
Lol 😂 omg I love Matthew. I know this is not meant to be funny, it’s actually helpful. I have been following Matthew and his crew closely for almost a year. I just had to laugh @ his analogies such as the woman whose bf broke up with her but realized “he couldn’t swim” and so on and so forth. I am truly sorry for anyone here that has had their heart broken. I have been there. My man ghosted me and then came back about two months later. I cried for the first three weeks to a month multiple times a day, every day. I’ve never felt so strongly for anyone. But yeah Matthew knows what he’s talking about-truly.
#2 "I like you too much to be with you" = RUN! It means he treats his actual girlfriends like shit. Be glad you are not one of them... Find someone who can respect you as a friend, a girlfriend, and a human being.
It’s been interesting for me to watch you . I am very feminine based in my mind and my body and my spirit and a therapist… I grew up with three brothers so I get boys are boys and just navigate different. You are doing a great job at bridging that gap ! It took me a long time to realize mens path is so different and that they actually do experience connection so different than us ladies
#4 was explained sooooo well. Thank you.
Love love love this video. So revealing
What I find so disturbing about all these texts from men that indicate they don’t want „anything serious“ and yet would like to continue an intimate sexual relationship with that person: Did you not listen in biology class? Do you not know what a pearl index is? Do you not know that birth control can fail? Do you not know that the risk of accidentally impregnating a woman you don’t even want to tell your friends about, is NEVER zero?! Are these people completely out of their mind? Let alone talking about all sorts of STDS you can catch?!
AND do you not know that sex alters brain chemistry and a connection begins whether the connection is wanted or not- hence a woman trying to make the wrong guy do the right
If more people have their boundaries and wants and needs more clear and straightforward, no one could play on someone who clearly won't take their bullsh*t .
This also somehow can make them a better person.
Just by knowing more ppl are not taking their sick games anymore.
@@d0onee344 Agree. You learn what you need to know within the first 1-3 months. If he‘s messing around and being vague about where things are heading: immediately back to friendzone mode. I would even go so far and never take my candy out the box for some guy who never had any intentions to buy it. Sex is for commited relationships & marriage in my universe. Everyone should know what their boundaries are.
Lol what? None of these indicate they’re willing to continue a sexual relationship, that’s you projecting…
But yes, if a women is still willing to have sex after being told the man isn’t serious then some guys may oblige. At that point it’s on the women for allowing it
Yes....they are insecure,manipulative dickheads most of the time
Yesss, thank you. Loved this video! Also, you two are so charming!!
I'm very independent - so you explaining that one was on point and made me feel so much better. Thank you Matthew 😊🙏
Excellent video. Thank you as always! Also, I love Audrey as an addition to your videos! She is so evolved.
You were perfect in dissecting these
Great video! I've read your book, too - also great, thanks for your guidance and putting it so eloquently.
Bottom line- if you wanna be with somebody, you're going to be with them, or at least try to. Anything else and they don't want it/you enough to try. You don't deserve someone who meets your expectations, you deserve someone who exceeds your expectations. =)
It is relaxing to listen to him
Sometimes "it's not you, it's me" means "my ED is biological and Sildenafil didn't work this time." That suggests some different reasons to evaluate the relationship.
"You're too independent" can also mean "I think you're too aloof to nurture our relationship." Here, the woman isn't putting in the effort to make it work. Or the man senses that the woman isn't bonding with him.
13:39 THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THAT WAS DEFINITELY THE SIGN I WAS ASKING FOR!
Not saying is gonna be easy, but realising the turning point is such a blessing!
Another one of my favorites is, I work a lot, and I’m not sure where you fit in and maybe there will be a commitment maybe there won’t be. He was also 45 minutes late. I don’t know why he’s on a dating site if he’s so busy unless he wants a good time not a long time. Three days later I said I had a good time but I’m not sure where I would fit into your schedule! We never spoke again. I have no more time for these games.
Good riddance. Saved you some headache and maybe heartaches too.
#10 was right on target👍thanks Matthew.....blessings 🙏
I just found out since I have been here watching your channel that I had hundreds of red flags in my past relationships that cause me pain when I remember them.
I think what I'm getting from this is that in all of these instances, the guy isn't saying he doesn't want a relationship...he's saying he doesn't want it with you. It's hard to hear especially when they refuse to be direct about it because they're hoping you'll still give them what they want. I think the best way to avoid this is to not sleep with a man unless or until he shows that he does actually want to be with you. I think if he asks about sex or pressures you towards it too often from the first you already know what he wants. If he really does want YOU he will wait for you and not pressure you or try to trick you into giving him that because he'll be afraid of losing you.
My personal 'favorite'? "You're too intimidating..."
Ugh, I've heard this one, too. It's ridiculous.
It's so cool going back to these videos! I used to watch Matthew constantly when I dated men. I've since realized I'm a lesbian and I'm back here re learning all this, but this time for people I'm actually attracted to lol 😁
meanwhile im gay and watching these because dating is hard
So the question is, is it easier dating women or are they just as bad? 😂
@@elysia_sky1525 awww, you're question 💞 for me I wouldn't use the word easier, it was an adjustment having strong feelings come up that I'd never felt before, like jealousy.😬 But, as far as which gender is easier to date, honestly I think it's about the same when it really comes down to it. I was dating mostly toxic guys and when I started dating girls they were unhealthy too, because I hadn't taken care of my own issues yet(so I was also in an unhealthy place). There are so many really great people out there to date, but if you're in a good place you'll attract great people to you. That's what's I've noticed for me at least. But, for me girls are "easier" in the way that I'm turned on SO much easier and I like them more so it's worth it to put the effort into a relationship now that I actually want to find someone to spend my life with. I don't have to -try- to like women. Lol, there's my novel about it. 😂
This is one of the best practical videos ...
My then bf and I had an argument and after making up, I told him "At this point, I can forgive you anything". What he said didnt make sense to me but it killed whatever affection I had for him. He replied, "please don't do that. I can not match that."
It was a very honest answer. For example he wouldn't forgive cheating or disloyalty and why should he. You probably wouldn't have forgiven that either but you dropped a big unconditional nonsense which at the moment you probably felt was true but most likely isn't. Men are logical beings
@@n.8899 You are correct in that he was only telling the truth. I said something from an emotional level and he gave a rational answer. What I was actually saying was this is how much I love you; and what I heard was I don't want it because I don't feel the same way.
Wooow!!
You went from claiming you would forgive him for anything to dumping him for not feeling the same way. No offense but that doesn't sound very forgiving.
@@chefgregarious no offense taken. And your assumption that I did the "dumping" is false.
As a guy (who lacks experience, to be fair), these things are weird to me. Just be honest and say what you want, what you feel, what you expect, where you’re at. Well, maybe that’s why I lack the experience 🤔😓
Sounds like a good strategy…. So much better than being a jerk or a liar.
@@camellia8625 Maybe, but it hasn’t exactly worked out for me.
@Zeno Better to be you than like the jerks saying these things..... Is it possible you are coming on too strong & rushing things with whoever you are dating?
@@RG-hf4et I’m not dating, but yes. Too much too soon.
@Zeno Suggestion: go out a few times and take it slow. See if there is even a good connection. Some suggest saying on a first date I am looking to get married, I am looking for a serious relationship, I want 3 kids, etc.... I personally would feel pressured if a guy told me that on the first of a few dates - he is a total stranger..... If I were you, ask HER what she is looking for or what her future looks like. Maybe she wants is the kind of person that moves around a lot, wants to become a lawyer & won't have time for you, etc.....Ask her what kind of life does she hope to have in the future.....then you can figure out is this even a person who is looking for the same things as I am.......
Excellent episode 🙏🏻🌹✨
The 7:10 - 8:25 - When They Say "You're Too Independent" section is worth its weight in gold!! Very eloquent answer, Matthew! 💯
It's not whether you are too independent, but whether you are only independent. Some people use "I'm independent " as a way to say I only want to positively impact myself, and that's someone who can be entirely calous towards others who are different from them.
Community has no context apart from individuals, and the individual has no foundation from which to grow on without the community.
Using the word "too independent" could be a nice way of saying "you only care about yourself, and don't give a F about me/us"
speak the truth, Matthew... it's the only healer... 👍
loved these videos great help would love more
people who confuse you they are achieving something with that confusen! love that
that shirt looks so good on you idk why specifically because it seems like a pretty standard tshirt, might be the size or cut or idk
"You're too good to be true"
two different men both told me, “No one will love you as much as I do.” wtf does that mean!? 🤬 fyi if any one else ever tells me that then Bye!!! Go Away then!!!!!!
Oh my god Matthew the "you're too independent" one is so frikkin insightful. I literally lived this as a man, desiring this from a woman because of the inability to generate the internal satisfaction for myself. This hits home hard. So true. Very happy that I'm in the process of deeply letting go of this :).
A man who desires needyness instead of using it as a putdown sounds like gold dust ngl
"you're too independent" - he's insecure and needs someone to "need" him for self assurance and wow red flag.
I had a guy that said once "you're desirable it's sad"
Thank you Mathew
13:39 knowing that every human behaviour has a function, an objective, a goal, in their perspective. When there seems to be a gap between what they say and what they do, I feel dishonesty, or I don’t have a clear vision/answer, I take a step back and question what would be the function of the behaviour I saw, objectively, and in their perspective, the function of their response vs reactions, their communication, etc. I always keep an eye on their level of empathy, of authentic empathy, their insight, how easily they can admit when they’re wrong or of don’t know something.
Ah when I met my ex I wasn’t over my previous ex and caused so much confusion for him 😢
First it was "I'm toxic", "you deserve better", "I'm going to hurt you, stay as far away from me as you can" then it was " I don't see us long term.. then it was "but I definitely want to see you again"
😩💔
Think I'd tell them that they don't need a girl friend, they need a therapist
Wow this was good stuff here! Thanks!!
Thank you, this helps me