Want To Keep Their Attention? DO NOT CHASE; Do THIS Instead
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- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
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Produced by JAMESON JORDAN, MATTHEW HUSSEY & JEREMY GRAY
Directed by JAMESON JORDAN - dependentmedia.com
CInematography by JEREMY GRAY
Starring
MATTHEW HUSSEY
MOLLY DEACAN - mollydeacon.com
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I post new love life advice for you every weekend.
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We all know we won’t connect with everyone we meet . . . but one of the most frustrating situations we can find ourselves in is one where we feel an initial spark and a connection, but things just don’t seem to progress. And in the end, they end up fading as we feel a lack of momentum.
Rather than giving in to our desire to double down on communication, there’s a simple shift we can make on a date that allows unique attraction to grow. And it’s the kind of thing that will leave them thinking of us long after the date has ended . . .
If you’d like to learn what this ingredient is and how you can add it to your next date, don’t miss this week’s brand-new video.
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Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:05 - “Are Flirting and Good Communication at Odds?”
1:05 - 2:44 - Why There’s No Second Date
2:44 - 4:41 - Contrast Creates Attraction
4:41 - 5:46 - Unique Pairings
5:46 - 7:09 - When Jameson Knew We Were Going to Be Friends
7:09 - 9:12 - Finding Your Unique Pairings
9:12 - 11:03 - The Two Questions to Ask Yourself
You reminded me of how I've gone from being this "serious intellectual" girl to an open, fun, humorous and slightly flirty person. And the change started after I stopped looking for love outside of me and started pouring all that love into me. Learnt from my past mistakes, started working on my own self, feeling happy with myself and giving myself everything that I used to give others. When you realize that you are worthy of love and that others don't need to validate how good a soul you are, you'll become the person that anyone would love being around. You'll become a magnet without even trying.
exactly!!
Ugh, now i remember what it was like before her, everything i did was for me. I felt good doing things for me. But i stopped doing that when i met her because, "well i can't concentrate on 2 things at once now can i"
I gotta pick it back up again
Do things for me
I should never have let that go, i should've kept doing things for me even if it's hard to divide attention
I knew the stagnant feeling when i was with her was true, i wasn't progressing as fast
@@RENO_Koh we are in the same boat. It's unreal how fast they can drain the life from you.
That is how I got the most recent woman's attention. I was not trying. Once I got nervous and overthought things, it all went downhill because I was trying too much, texting too much and wasn't being my masculine self. I got attached too much too fast after the first date. Now I am working on myself for myself and if we start dating again then I am all for it.
@@Tae_Grixis yes that's how it should be. Plus, now when I'm dating, I'm not keeping any expectations, I'm just enjoying every moment rather than thinking about tomorrow. Ps. You will attract the kind of person that you are now, so the more you work on yourself, the best your relationships will get
Indeed, don’t chase. Know your worth and know that you deserve to at least be met half way. If they won't match your effort, they don't want to be in your life ❤️
@@dhimancini1162Ask her out. If she says no, she is an attention whore that you need to block. Don't call girls to have convos..only to ask them out. That might be what she was expecting since she gave you the number. Don't give them free attention.
@Dhi Mancini maybe she’s uncertain and trying to figure out what you want? Just be clear yourself and ask her out if you want to, we all get confused:)
@Dhi Mancini What a BETCH! dont waste your calories overthinking & thinking
He's just not that into you. If he wanted you, he'd persue you. Simple. Just move on to someone that likes you for you and don't waste time hoping for something that is not reciprocal.
Did you even watch the video? This is all about effective conversation tools. Attraction isn’t actually just as simple as “I’m perfect and if you don’t fall head over heels for me on our first date then you’re not for me.” That’s so unrealistic.
@@JuliaTaylorSoprano Lol no I just imagined a random MH video in my mind and randomly commented just so that you could comment back...wtf hahaha. This is about the guy not being into you AFTER communication has happened.
Amen to this 🔥🔥💯💯💯💯
Girl if that is what the person asking the question was looking for, she wouldn't have asked the question to him in the first place
True, I won’t be sad at all because I already know men pull away to date other women at the same and keeping you last resort if things don’t work out. Lol
I followed your advice from one of the great videos " no contact period " after 30 days I realized I don't want him in my life anymore.
I really thank you from the bottom of my heart you are helping so many people here ❤️
Wonderful!
I stopped initiating contact and we've now gone a full day without talking, lol... confirmed my gut feeling that he's not as into it as I am.
If you meet the right people you can do whatever be yourself and they will still stick around.
That’s why teaching children about self-worth at a young age is extremely important.
My problem is, I can only be flirtatious with people I'm not interested in, because ''I don't care''. As soon as I like somebody, I'll be more bland than a pot of unseasoned pasta.
It's not a problem.. it's a beautiful thing
I hear you!! I’m the same
Lol ohh boy people are so fascinating. You really don’t know what is going on in their minds. If someone were bland with me, I tent to think they are not interested in me
My super power as a reporter is I start interviewing people on dates. Which makes the other person feel great and I learn a lot about them, but they don’t get to know much about me and at the end I don’t know if I actually like the other person because I focussed on how they feel instead of how I feel about them or if I like them. I have tried to stop doing that and leave room for awkward silence.
Can I just give a compliment about how your videos are scripted? Yes, there is very good advice but they are also entertaining with the comedy bits, great actress and the Jameson bit was gold. There’s just so much love and effort going into these videos, which is great. Hats off to you and your team.
Wow, thanks! It really means a lot to me when you notice the details.
Always be yourself. The right person will want to get to know you. Also your good communication skills are likely scaring away game players who are not at all worth your time or energy as a mate or as a “friend”. My suggestion over anything else to this woman would be to continue being herself and be patient. Don’t cave to the manipulation that society is trying to force on us women to get sexy before we know someone and play the games. IMO modern dating plays into most casual men’s hands instead of being empathetic to the fact that for most women to have a good relationship and sex life we need to feel safe and like we know the other person, because I believe flirtation comes naturally to most of us women when we develop a crush and feel safe.
Thank you
💯 All of this!! She shouldn’t change who she is for anyone. She sounds like a very intelligent and emotionally secured person and that will repel all the players. The right person will find her traits really appealing.
AWOMEN 🙏
Can't she still "be herself" while improving her conversational skills? It's not about being inauthentic, it's about learning how to show multiple sides of yourself in an interesting way.
don't rush intimacy. actual knowledge of a partner makes it far better. that's what it means. intimacy.
I tend to overwork my playful, flirtatious, very sincere muscle. I need to work my more mysterious, listening and reserved muscle. Thank you for this video Matthew.
in the end of the day watching videos aimed towards single woman and watching videos for single men all I can say is that we all seem to suffer from the same issues. Wanting someone who probably don't want us back, thinking whether or not we should chase, thinking whether or not the other person likes us, thinking whether or not to text them, thinking whether or not they are playing games.
I think at times it's not mind games but people getting the same advice from video's from different people. Or people doing the same thing to each other like "oh no I look too needy, step back abit make them come to me" then when the other person doesn't initiate first it feels bad. not knowing that the other person is probably feeling the same and doing the same to try and not look too needy.
I don't think all of this advice is necessary, we have turned love into a commodity, its something that should come naturally, not a chess game. I don't believe in all of this psychology, but some have made an industry out of it, only confusing people more. Its become too strategic and analytical for me. I'm out.
totally agree, it looks more like manipulating.... and that strategies worked for me i was married 2 times but by the end of the day we couldn't make it .... i am two times divorced. what is good about all advices probably that we should keep boundaries and go for a slow openning, not to rush aaaaall od emotions putside to teh person.
Great message. And the girl who synced to your voice did a fantastic job!
She did!
Is it an AI thingie? It was a tad creepy too lol
TIcTok Generation ❤
Dude, don't discourage people from having excellent communication skills and deep conversations. Encourage people do do just that. Because it's much more rare than shallow talk, being flirtatious, and taking matters too lightly. It's like people in the western world are scared of diving in and being hard core. lol Do it, people. Go deep. If someone is scared of that, they are not for you. I am not saying you can't have fun and flirt, no, no, no. But reverse the scene, be authentic, be bold, be fearless, and let the weak run, they are doing you a favor. I have always connected with people and I don't do small talk. I know that sometimes I am intimidating, but I don't prefer people who are easily intimidated anyway, because I have to be who I am and if you are not into that, then go in peace.
Couldn't have said it better!!! Spot on as I'm the same way. People out there need to understand that the biggest problem in this day's "dating world" are the lame "rules" rooted in fear and false assumptions that one size fits all. It's tragic because this young generation has absolutely no clue what real dating is all about, what it requires/means, and what it entails. Back in the day, if/when 2 people like each other and are interested in each other, they get together and are automatically a couple dating! They're together and getting to know each other and get real with each other from the get-go. No BSing, no nonsense, no wondering, no "ghosting", no silent treatments...NONE of that immature nonsense. Because the internet, social media, and cell phones didn't exist, we communicated via phone calls and meeting up and TALKING FACE-TO-FACE. And yes, breaking up was done face-to-face or a phone call because we understood and were raised with manners & respect for others & their feelings!!! We kept shit REAL, we didn't waste precious time, disregard/disrespect our authentic, genuine selves to appease, or allay others' insecurities. Today, many are too soft and easily run or hide from others because in truth they're hiding from themselves. So forget all these nonsensical "games" and mindf*ckery of how you "should" be for others comfortability...BE YOU! BE YOUR TRUE, GENUINE, AUTHENTIC AND REAL SELF! Don't be another lame carbon fake & filtered copy like everyone else! STAND YOUR GROUND!! Claim your divine sovereign power and don't follow the followers!!
Be proud of who you are and OWN IT YOU FINE SEXY ASS BITCHES 😝😎🤘👸🏻
@@babydoll.888 I guess it’s a new era, or new times, everything is about games today, me too I’m second tired with all this ghosting, or reschedule dates bcuz my mom have appointments all this bla , bla that makes no sense and trust me people that are over 40 doing this, wasting time, they don’t know what they want that’s the all true.
THIS. 100 MILLION PERCENT THIS.
Empty, meaningless, endless small talk doesn’t get you knowing someone. And it’s repetitive and exhausting. It is blatantly apparent on dating apps, where people don’t even have the concept of carrying on a BASIC conversation- with reciprocal questions being asked back and forth- nevermind anything slightly more engaging.
I’m done with boring, shitty, interchangeable conversations. If someone can’t light up my brain, it’s a hard pass for me.
@@nelsongoncalves5379 my point exactly...following what is trendy or what's deemed acceptable according to "societal trends", question is: is it working?? Or have people forgotten (because they're so lost and frustrated with all the external factors) that they've lost sight of their inner selves & their own authentic truth? It's always easy to point a finger and blame anything outside of ourselves, but truth is all the answers are already within you! People who make excuses (oh that's how the world is, how people/the Era, etc etc) don't take personal accountability for themselves...instead the follow and feed off it so they can't take responsibility afterwards. If someone is successful, they're quick to take credit and say they worked hard, listened to their gut, followed their intuition, etc...but when someone fails it's someone or somethings fault..?? Because they took advice/lessons/ideas from someone else and it failed. Go within! As above so below. Also. What works for one doesn't necessarily means it'll work for everyone. There is no one-size fits all. Just be yourself and all will be well because what's meant for you will never pass you by 😉💖
@@nelsongoncalves5379 additionally, just because someone does something, or a group follows to do something doesn't mean you or I have to do it too. People who know who they are (their values, principles morals, heart, etc) don't need to conform to what anyone says or does especially if it's not aligned with who they are. Like they saying goes "if your friends jumped off a cliff, doesn't mean you jump also" 😁
Ive followed you for a few years and you just keep giving out gold at exactly the right timing! Well done
I like how you had someone reenact the asking of the question
Putting some extra love into these videos, I’m glad you’re feeling it 🙏
I like that mindset. It keeps you guessing about the person in a good way.
I remember the exact moment I decided I like so many of my friends, it is always a nice feeling to remember why we choose people.
So adorable, Matthew! It doesn't look awkward... :)
It feels like talking to a good friend, someone who is on par with his viewers, not above them. So cozy and relatable!
Tell Jameson that please 🙄
Jameson!!! It is not awkward for Matthew to be comfortable. It is cozy and meaningful.
So cute! ❤
Like a Sufi mentor 😅 also, an American woman miming a London accent is a bit funny 😅
This was a really brilliant and well explained video. As someone who goes balls deep into the soul too quickly I can see that my intensity can be scary and balancing that out with other aspects of my personality is important to show early on.
Preach sis
Love your videos, it clears the mind, this so useful, I was in a bad place for too many years now and I want to change.
I remember, when I was younger, girls being attracted to me when I wasn't thinking of dating or love at all, when I was myself enjoying my life and my hobbies, but in the contrary, attraction disappeared completely and for a long time because I was constantly looking for dating and for having a relationship with a girl.
At the end, it's all about being ourselves, light not overthinking and live in the instant moment, say what we want to say without being worried of the result. And put ourselves first without being disrespectful or arrogant but with being honest with ourselves and our needs. And attraction will come naturally. And we need to forgive ourselves for all the relationship that will not happen, to be free of all the imaginary scenario our mind could create.
good vid!-It's all about balance and developing confidence
The scenes with your voice as if she's talking are perfect and hilariously good story telling 10/10
I am really liking the way you are working with your videos, I have been following you since very long, and learned so much from you..😊Thanks alot...
Thank you!
Matthew your videos always come at the right time!!! I’m so happy I subscribed 😊
Nothing will keep their attention. Thos who want to stay will stay. And how the world has been marketed to them. None of them will stay
Such great advice “which quality has atrophied?” (Or something to that effect). I pondered upon my case. I often didn’t let my feminine vulnerability show. Men made comments to me to the effect of “you don’t need anyone in your life.” I know you, Matthew, will understand this. I’m still my super strong, leader self, but with my boyfriend (going on 3 years) I have worked on being more transparent and vulnerable and allowing him to help and take the lead on some things. We love relying on each others’ strong suits! He did tell me when he first moved in that it took him some time to adapt to my amount of “masculine energy.” I love that he’s able to express what he feels so eloquently. He was attracted to me from the beginning BECAUSE of my leadership qualities , but I still try to create a healthy balance between the feminine and masculine (which we ALL have).
This is gods work. I was just pondering on it today.
Amazing content! Thank you so much, Matthew and Jameson!
I've recently started seeing your videos and enjoying them. You're great to listen to and alot of truth to your discussions/content. Thank You from Florida!
I appreciate that!
I was just browsing your videos to brush up on things since I'm dating again. I've spent A LOT of time connecting with myself and have a skill for getting into real & deep conversations. I felt like something was missing though, and realized this is it! I forgot to keep sprinkling in my funny and flirtatious side, so things have felt a little dull. This is perfect, thank you Matthew! 😁
You’re totally right. I didn’t need the video to make me understand that concept because I know I used to be that funny girl going from intelligent comments to stupid jokes to flirtatious compliments, and I felt good at that time. Work has taken over the most part of my life and I ain’t that girl anymore, which probably makes me less attractive to my boyfriend… and even boring at some point but your video gave me some hints on how to find that girl back. Thank you!
It IS a great question!! Thank you for asking this.
So insightful!
All good points! I noticed that I'm already doing all these subtle things. With some people that playful side isn't coming out, because I just lose interest in them for some reason, which could be very very subtle sometimes. I never chase, so if someone can't take steps towards me, I let them go on their merry way. 😂
Loved the concept and the actress!
Thank you for picking this question!! This was for me!!🙏🙏
It doesn't mean you shouldn't go for what you want sometimes dear
unnique paring of Matthew hussey: highly productive videos yet highly quality , every sing one of video!
Thank you for your amazing videos!!
Helps a lot!!
Watching from Portugal!
Great video, Love the editing
I love the lipsync on these videos!
This is great - real and helpful advice, thank you! One of your best videos! ✨
I've been practicing these concepts on dating apps and it's been going really well. I'm not in a place I want to start really dating yet, but I DO want to practice being a bit more "available" (it's been a LONG time) And having some guidelines has really been so helpful. Thanks for giving advice that is helpful but also empowering and respectful to the person listening to it and the person it's being tried on :)
Why you are on dating apps if you aren't ready to date? that is kind of unfair to the guys on the app don't you think? I don't know, just sounds selfish to me. I think MH has actually called that a Red Flag before.
@@Htimez2 I agree if I was an open on both my profile and right off the bat when I talk to the person.
There’s an option to just be there for friends and chatting and that’s the only thing I put. I don’t put for dating casual or long-term relationship.
I’ve actually made some wonderful friends out of it and met some really nice people.
The alternative is to just be a hermit and not meet anybody before I’m ready and that’s not fair to me so I think I’m being fair to myself into other people by being incredibly clear and open about what it is, I’m looking for.
Thanks Matthew have a wonderful day 🦋
This was informative and fun to watch!
"Unique Pairings" that's why I love your show Matt! 😂😂
Great video, thank you😊
Thank you..I enjoyed watching this video
I’m great at the ‘real’ chat and asking them about themselves; not so good at talking about myself; and need to bring more fun and flirt to every occasion! 🤸🏼♀️
Always be yourself!!! Love the way your sitting, comfortable & being YOU! I am VERY analytical & LOVE conversations but I am also flirtatious & can mix it up. Men must feel comfortable especially with a confident, intelligent & attractive woman. If you can ease a man in to be himself & feel at ease with you, he will appreciate that!
I can do this... I've done this... I'm doing this... Along with giving space at times.
Awesome advice. Thank you for making this video
absolutely true..
great advice
Thank you .. I really needed to hear this ❤🙏
Loving this new videos! It’s genius
Thank you 😊
Same happens to me. I've been told before that I am always sincere. My feelings don't hurt if someone isn't interested. I like to flirt the MORE I know someone, not all up front. But once someone I'm attracted to reciprocates the attraction I almost go uncontrollably limerent for a while. My real problem is when people are fake as hell and the limerence happens before they start showing their true colors. I don't care if you have trauma or freaky hobbies and interests, if your core value is being kind I'm pretty much on board. Respect my freaky stuff and I can respect yours. Be a jerk about anything and I'm not interested. Just be a jerk up front and we can go our separate ways. It seems simple... until you actually start dating, lol. I think I might be on the autistic spectrum and people don't realize it. They think all that sincerity is either stupidity or super sharp game playing.
Love your approach in this video! 🎉
The actors are hilarious! 😂
My overdeveloped muscle: my ability to ask questions about the other persons and show interest
My atrophied muscle: speaking about myself
Sir, you spoke to my heart.
This is so good!
Such a great, fun yet deep video. Thank you. I
it doesn't looks awkward, it looks cool JASON!
This video is so great, honest, and insightful.
The negative comments here are counter to the video Matt.
Never chase it, let it come to you 🤝
Right, and when they the same game mind set? 😂. It’s not this cut and dry. Called compromise.
Nothing will come to you dude
@@spotscorner6040 You can ask a woman out anytime, but if she declines and you continue asking her out that’s shame on you.
@@safwanshow It will come definitely. You just gotta set your priorities first and be better prepared when it comes to you.
Awesome Video Format!
I agree. Enjoy 😉 conversation and not get attached. They will come lol. Don't chase
As usual, great video. Thanks.
Glad you enjoyed it ❤
This video is outstanding! I love the woman and the voiceover... great concept
I loved watching the funny voice overs. Great video!
Such an interesting concept!
I LOVE dividends
Amazing 🔥
I need to develop my flirting muscle. I forget or don't think about flirting with a woman I like and I just keep talking and it just leads to being a friendship.
Personally, i don't believe we should have to think this much into it. Society makes people feel that they have to "play games" like hard to get otherwise they will be friend zoned. I have a hard time with this but I truly think the right person will make things easy and natural without having to think too much into all of this.
I laughed out really hard throughout the whole video hehehe
Great acting skills!
You look great!
Thank you so much Matthew, your videos always Inspiring 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
I love this, because I think ultimately we should pursue self exploration, trying new things. In that open hearted mindset it's much more easy and fun to find like minded people and have natural chemistry. Put the fun back into dating and get to know and enjoy yourself more too 🤗
Gifting is my superpower 🥰
Love this concept of strengthening the weak muscle.❤
Sorry to infringe dear
Can we get to know each other please
This is great advise👍 I just broke up after a 11year relationship…went through the bends BIG time, but getting to end of the tunnel. Cheers MH
Your so handsome with that fovlage behind you ! Thanks for helping people who want companship.
I just love you @Matthew Hussey
thanks a lot for sharing
I love the skits with the lip-syncing! It makes the videos more entertaining 😄💗
Can totally relate to the lady writing in, I too love a deep dive conversation over tedious and painful small talk. Surely though the 'contrast' or variety will occur naturally as a result of being with someone whose energy compliments or matches yours?! There are certain ppl who won't bring the fun or playful side out, not necessarily that the fun muscle hasn't been flexed. That being said, I'm not entirely sure how to apply this advice in real terms 🤔. The song Dance Monkey comes to mind lol.
As for the lady posing the question..Being friend-zoned for having deep conversations seems extremely odd to me. Firstly, we do seem to live in a world where superficiality rules and surface level bants and flirting seems to be how ppl generally operate whilst dating. This level of communication, however, is obviously not serving anyone in the long run. If it were, we wouldn't be watching your vids on CZcams. 😅. Second, it's not solely the role of one person to lead and steer the conversation. Why, if a conversation is getting a bit deep and meaningful early on, is it the responsibility of the woman to ensure she make it fun and playful? It takes 2 ppl to make it enjoyable.
Loved the style of this video :)
Brilliant!
Interesting, I supposedly get friend zone because I don't go deep enough or show enough interest when I'm actually interested and I think I'm showing it. It became a common complaint to the point that I had to look at myself. I just realized they weren't my person. I don't say too much too soon because not everyone deserves to know everything right away but I'm always honest. It's tough to date when you stop making the guys happiness the priority in the "relationship" even in the dating phase. I look for people that make me feel comfortable now instead of sparks or chemistry, those can be misleading.
When you go on a date, ask questions, be fun and flirty, tease, have a laugh. Ensure you don't give off a friend's only vibe. Have fun!
One thing i haven't been doing lately that i would like to do is get out of my comfort zone. do something random on a date. usually i play it safe and or do the same thing so doing something different or doing something he would like to do would be nice 😌
Sounds exhausting.
Like the cute redhaid. Looks like a lot of fun.
Great video
This is such a good video
It takes time to open these qualities. Not everybody has it
This is really good… thanks!
Matthew, I have been bingeing a lot lately on your videos because I'm currently giving time to dating. Im exactly in this mess where i use my unique pairings, but it seems as though it scaring them away or keeping me in the friend zone. I don't have time to waste on someone that just wants to go with the flow. Matt, I'm 38, intentional but a very witty person . I'm not interested in mind games anymore.
I truly hope that men your age and older and not scared away by a woman getting real with them. This is an interesting comment that you used the unique pairings and its still not working for you! What I am not is sexy on a date and it made me think what do I have to do? Take a strip tease dance class and do it on the first date?
I'd say the issue isn't you ladies, it's the men who aren't worth your time or effort and quite frankly have been far too accustomed to putting in very little effort for maximum ROI. You aren't performing monkeys for these bozos 🙄. It's a sad state of affairs and society has a lot to answer for. More so as no one holds these man-boys to account. I hope u all find decent, worthy and loving partners 💕
Trust me, even at 100, you're not gonna want to play mind games or do anything until you find someone you feel is worth it. There's no trick to getting her to accept u no matter what, but once you find someone who does, it'll be worth it for you to work.
@@juliaskagfjord6207 I agree with you, too many mind games, too much advice on how to be, its all become pscyhological warfare in the dating world. Who needs it, just be yourself and trust your gut its that simple.
@@NotUrAverage786 Agreed, there is an entire industry now around "love", how did it become so complicated? Swiping right and left to find a mate to begin with. Too easy not to go the distance when in an instant you can be replaced. Whatever happened to old fashioned courtship? I would like to know statistically after all of this psycho=babble whether people who take this advice are any more successful than people who don't. What are this guys credentials?
I love this video you are a genius