If He's Sending Mixed Signals, Text Him THIS

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  • čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
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    Does absence really make the heart grow fonder . . . especially when the person you’re into seems to forget you exist when you’re not in the same room?
    When you’re together, life couldn’t be better. You have off-the-charts chemistry, they’re totally focused on you, and your connection feels genuine.
    The catch?
    When you’re apart, you feel invisible as communication slows to a crawl and often drops off completely.
    As a result of these mixed signals, you’re essentially living in two completely different realities, and you’d do anything to get some clarity. You might even ask yourself: “Should I try to invest in this relationship even more to show how serious I am? Or would it be better to mirror their behavior and go cold?”
    In today’s video, I walk you through what you must absolutely NOT DO in this hot and cold scenario . . . plus I give you two very specific text messages that can (finally!) get you out of this frustrating situation.
    ►► FREE download: “9 Texts No Man Can Resist” → www.9texts.com
    ►► FREE download: “5 Compliments to Get Him Addicted to You” → www.SayThisToHim.com
    ▼ Get My Latest Dating Tips and Connect With Me… ▼
    Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
    Facebook → / coachmatthewhussey
    Instagram → / thematthewhussey
    Twitter → / matthewhussey
    ▼ Chapters ▼
    0:00 - 1:14 - The Crazy-Making Person That Goes Hot & Cold
    1:14 - 2:58 - Mistake #1 Confusing Attention With Intention
    2:58 - 4:51 - Mistake #2 Mirroring the Cold Behavior
    4:51 - 6:31 - How to Break the Cycle
    6:31 - 7:33 - The Initial “Call Out” Text
    7:33 - 9:30 - The “Standards” Follow-Up Text
    9:30 - 10:35 - Which Category of Person Do You Want to Be?
    10:35 - 12:13 - How to Not Lose Momentum Again

Komentáře • 1,5K

  • @thematthewhussey
    @thematthewhussey  Před rokem +334

    Don’t forget to leave me a comment and tell me what you think about today's new video (And be sure to watch all the way through. This may be the first video in which I’ve thrown a shoe 🤷. . .)

    • @karinhansen5340
      @karinhansen5340 Před rokem +8

      Did I hear a cat? :D

    • @AnamMurilloa
      @AnamMurilloa Před rokem +15

      Sometimes I feel this in my long distance relationship. I would like that you do a video about how to feel more connected with your partner and feeling that relashionship is moving forward despite of the distance. Many thanks Matthew.

    • @cindyschumann3055
      @cindyschumann3055 Před rokem +6

      As always, you hit the nail on the head! Thank you for this! Going through this right now, even threw a shoe...

    • @thematthewhussey
      @thematthewhussey  Před rokem +5

      @@cindyschumann3055 😂😂

    • @aneta9633
      @aneta9633 Před rokem +6

      Matthew, with this entire video you confirmed I'm on the right track with what I'm planning to say in a situation I'm going through right now.
      I've been a long time follower who does in fact take your advice. I now treat myself more like a woman of worth and value because of your advice. I knew it all along but you & your team gave me the courage & practical guidance to embrace my authentic self. Thank you can never be enough to express my gratitude.
      P.S. throw the other shoe cuz I went to the link and bought your program.
      P.S.S. also invested in another one of your programs today because I'm also going to use it to help me relate to my family & friends on a deeper level. I want to develop genuinely meaningful conversations and connections.

  • @Mayfloweralways
    @Mayfloweralways Před rokem +1825

    This reminds me of an episode of Sex and the City Where Carrie’s boyfriend tells her- “men are simple. There are no mixed signals. If we’re not reaching out, we’re just not that into you.”

    • @graleh
      @graleh Před rokem +101

      But still, why is he totally into you when you are seeing each other irl? That's mixed signals.

    • @Mayfloweralways
      @Mayfloweralways Před rokem +222

      Because he wants sex. In the show, for reference, the guy had sex with Carrie’s friend and the girls were telling her “don’t worry. Youre great. He’ll call.” Carrie’s boyfriend said “sorry, he’s just not that into you.” They all think he’s awful for saying it. He explains that men aren’t confusing with women they like. They call. They set dates. The are never unclear or too busy. It’s just, women, myself included once upon a time, want to believe that the back and forth means he has some interest and needs more time. He’s not interested. He wants sex.

    • @mayluz444
      @mayluz444 Před rokem +68

      @@graleh They just wanna have fun,like you and enjoy the moment.. doesn't mean he's in love.. I'm dating casually right now and when I'm with someone they have all my attention but after that I have my life. I'm just not in love with them and am emotionally detached when we don't see each other. It's easy for me to get it cause I have a men's brain I think XD

    • @katebutt
      @katebutt Před rokem +3

      @@mayluz444 this perf same rn

    • @electraheart7745
      @electraheart7745 Před rokem

      @@mayluz444 I have a man's brain too but I'm not wasting time with randos trying to get off at a bar

  • @krazykirl1129
    @krazykirl1129 Před 5 měsíci +104

    I think I'll know when I'm spending time with the right person when I no longer have to watch Matthew's videos

    • @Phoenix_7568
      @Phoenix_7568 Před 3 měsíci +5

      🙌🙌
      Yep, I know my relationship is in trouble when I’m watching Matthew

    • @AmmaLove24
      @AmmaLove24 Před měsícem

      😂

    • @worldadventuretravel
      @worldadventuretravel Před 19 dny

      You can stop right now! ;) Sisters of the world, please listen to me on this and repeat after me: *This is not Build-A-Bro. I am not a repair shop for broken toys.* If you have to jump through hoops for a man to commit to you, you are investing in the wrong man. Stop listening to men tell you everything you're supposed to do to serve them and pour that energy into yourself. When the right one comes along, he will make his feelings for you clear without you having to do a thing.

    • @deysemartins540
      @deysemartins540 Před 9 dny

      😂😂😂

  • @KatyWithAWhyyy
    @KatyWithAWhyyy Před rokem +4700

    If he's sending mixed signals - do not text him. Walk tf away. There are no mixed signals. Just truths we don't want to face. Whether it's manipulation or indifference...walk away.

    • @stacyjaye6350
      @stacyjaye6350 Před rokem +209

      Now I can't say what I wanted to say because you said what I wanted to say. 💪😂👍

    • @How.Dare.You.
      @How.Dare.You. Před rokem +138

      Exactly. Im starting to get annoyed with this pseudo advice...

    • @Aria__1700
      @Aria__1700 Před rokem +83

      Yup he could be cheating all u know

    • @MT-yx5cu
      @MT-yx5cu Před rokem +31

      EXACTLY!

    • @Jodeekowgirl
      @Jodeekowgirl Před rokem +76

      Preach it sister!! 🙌🏻 Who needs the head FK?? No thanks.

  • @Jason-ml3vs
    @Jason-ml3vs Před rokem +150

    Don’t light yourself on fire just to keep someone else warm.

  • @rummaniz8425
    @rummaniz8425 Před rokem +1052

    "Invest in who invests in you" This has to be the best relationship advice anyone can ever give❤

  • @amyjoseph3914
    @amyjoseph3914 Před rokem +406

    If someone tells you you deserve better, believe them. They’re telling you how crappy they really are. 😮

    • @twincherry4958
      @twincherry4958 Před rokem +4

      Yes!

    • @kirstylamb3599
      @kirstylamb3599 Před rokem +1

      My new bloke told me around a month ago that I deserve better and that he shouldn't be with me but won't elaborate why 😲

    • @VV-ik7sy
      @VV-ik7sy Před rokem +4

      Damn, my ex husband told me this after we were married. He ended up telling me he wasn’t in love with me anymore when I was 6 months pregnant, and that he had feelings for someone else.

    • @dianethompson6804
      @dianethompson6804 Před rokem +7

      True! And if this person says he's an asshole, believe him! People are subconsciously trying to warn you!

    • @FitnessSweets
      @FitnessSweets Před rokem

      @@dianethompson6804 Yeah, just gotta listen carefully.

  • @ShayC143
    @ShayC143 Před rokem +158

    The moment I get mixed signals I literally walk away. I don’t have time for guessing games or immaturity. Life is too short to waste time on people who are unsure about you.

    • @JDfaith2024
      @JDfaith2024 Před rokem +11

      That’s my first gut reaction. But then I hear this and think maybe I’m not giving a chance. It’s so frustrating.

    • @ShayC143
      @ShayC143 Před rokem +13

      @@JDfaith2024 I’ve tried his advice. Didn’t change anything. Once a guy makes up his mind about you and where he sees you at in his life, it’s very hard that they will change their way of thinking. That’s just from my experience but hey maybe unicorns exist? 🤣

    • @Mayfloweralways
      @Mayfloweralways Před rokem +8

      @@ShayC143 I get the feeling that Matt’s advice is more for those who need closure. He’s basically saying speak up and then be willing to accept when he doesn’t step up.

    • @ShayC143
      @ShayC143 Před rokem +13

      @@Mayfloweralways totally agree but I’ve come to terms that closure is not necessary for me. If the guy doesn’t seem invested in me I don’t want to waste my time on him and wait for him to figure it out. You either want me or you don’t. I think we waste too much time on men who are broken and need fixing on their own . They can’t provide you stability when they have their own issues that needs to be resolved before getting involved with somebody.

    • @sgkgurung8122
      @sgkgurung8122 Před rokem +3

      True dat sista ❤

  • @durnellemds3163
    @durnellemds3163 Před rokem +94

    When someone gives you mixed signals sis runs for your life.. he doesn’t love you he will just waste your time

  • @valerieconnell2962
    @valerieconnell2962 Před rokem +60

    If he’s sending mixed signals, wish him well and move on. Stop chasing and stop the drama.

    • @MC-cz5qd
      @MC-cz5qd Před 3 měsíci +1

      Completely agree. I don’t take on the responsibility to teach anyone how to act. They can learn from someone else. I don’t owe them anything. My time and energy is for the people that choose to be part of my life. ✌️

    • @VivianneRoseLee-hz8oo
      @VivianneRoseLee-hz8oo Před 2 měsíci

      ​@@MC-cz5qd Ok but honestly there is a point in the semi beginning when a guy starts feeling real feelings for that person and sorta gets a bit distant and it has nothing to do with that person or anything it's really about him. He's partially afraid but more than anything just needing some space to understand what he's feeling and a little insecure because even if you've made him aware of your feelings he's going to doubt himself. Giving him space but letting him know that you're there to talk if/when he's ready and then just text every few days and say something like hey how's your day going or hey you feel like going to play (insert a fun activity you both like to do) and then leave it on him to take the next step. He'll more than likely close the distance and commit to the person...

  • @asweet23
    @asweet23 Před rokem +46

    If you’re getting mixed signals, that’s the signal to move on. He’s just not that into you. It’s really that simple.

  • @Vr4z1el
    @Vr4z1el Před rokem +326

    Honestly, sending those texts is too much effort for someone who basically ghosted you. If they ghosted you once, they will do it again. It doesnt matter that you try to explain or teach them lessons. They just are not interested in you and only come to you when they have no one else and they are bored. The best thing to do with these people is just block and move on.

    • @CJ-ft9yo
      @CJ-ft9yo Před rokem +32

      EXACTLY! Does not matter how you do it - why waste time on a beautifully nuanced statement on a twat?

    • @juliecaron7569
      @juliecaron7569 Před rokem +4

      YES!

    • @EcoworksFL
      @EcoworksFL Před rokem +19

      Exactly, thats what I do, anyone who ghost me is just automatically deleted and I go cold, no need to explain , just wasting time.
      If someone shows you who they are, believe them,no need to talk them into liking you and giving you attention

    • @Bikinibodybuilder
      @Bikinibodybuilder Před rokem +1

      Hella confusing when it's your bikini athlete competition coach

    • @mistymiles4753
      @mistymiles4753 Před rokem

      sorry you feel that way maybe you could be looking at things in a completely different way. Have you noticed any changes even small ones just a thought . All the best.

  • @farrahlipsham5533
    @farrahlipsham5533 Před rokem +862

    Exactly! “Be ready to lose this person”.
    I know this is the hardest to hear when we’re on this video trying to figure how to KEEP the avoidant person, but it’s the perfect advice.
    Know we are all worth something better than this if they’re not willing to step up- there’s someone else out there way more deserving of our time and energy. 👏
    Find your partner, not your master.

    • @CJ-ft9yo
      @CJ-ft9yo Před rokem +6

      What if that something out there, is not ever there?

    • @sakurakentasha1851
      @sakurakentasha1851 Před rokem +10

      More like find your partner. Not your sibling. Lol. If a guy is avoiding you or being avoidant, that should be your first clue. Trust me. I have too much experience and went on too many bad dates and still haven’t found the right partner in Japan.

    • @bethnorris1361
      @bethnorris1361 Před rokem +1

      Farrah, AMEN!

    • @farrahlipsham5533
      @farrahlipsham5533 Před rokem +9

      @@CJ-ft9yo set yourself up to fill your needs with friends, family, hobbies, cats and vibrators 🤷‍♀️

    • @farrahlipsham5533
      @farrahlipsham5533 Před rokem +12

      @@sakurakentasha1851 one thing I’ve learned (the hard way) is working on myself so I’m not “throwing out bad bait” so I stop catching the wrong fish! A work in progress. Please hold the line 😅

  • @estherasiko
    @estherasiko Před rokem +260

    At my age(35), if a guy is giving me hot and cold vibes I just move on. Have no time to waste. A new subscriber here, thank you for the great advices❤️

    • @enonz761
      @enonz761 Před rokem +4

      I wish I would be that smart a year ago...had a first time avoidant as a partner...was very confused by his behavior. Learned a lot from it. Basicaly to stay away from avoidants

    • @marylinelai8073
      @marylinelai8073 Před rokem

      Agree

  • @butcho7492
    @butcho7492 Před rokem +29

    Speaking from experience, just walk away. It means tbat person has already mentally left you but is not willing to simply tell you. I wish I had taken my own advice.

  • @paulaclark6290
    @paulaclark6290 Před rokem +31

    They're using you as a distraction, an escape.

  • @janefriel6895
    @janefriel6895 Před rokem +50

    Stay single and avoid all this hassle. Put your energy into yourself. Its quite simple.

  • @nikolairomanoff6969
    @nikolairomanoff6969 Před rokem +35

    If a man does not reciprocate, you walk away. Playing games is immaturity and exhausting.

  • @Jettingred4
    @Jettingred4 Před rokem +39

    I finally just threw in the towel and went NO CONTACT period! No more manipulation, being ignored, no returned texts, non returned calls, hot and cold! Years of this! Enough! Men are like a #7 🚌 bus. Another will come along soon so let the OTHER one GO! 😁

  • @tomdrummy4984
    @tomdrummy4984 Před rokem +30

    If a person doesn’t make you feel like you matter to them…………you don’t. You are not on their priority list……move on.

  • @lswain1073
    @lswain1073 Před rokem +97

    Sometimes it's better not to waste any more energy and block and move on. I've tried MH texts on guys before but the reality is, a guy doesn't change just because you relate to him in a healthier way.

    • @dr.jenniferma3914
      @dr.jenniferma3914 Před 10 měsíci +3

      And why would his interest suddenly change? Like why would he go, oh wow she texted me this and it's true, so now I really want to be consistent when I didn't before.

  • @camilleeskelund8324
    @camilleeskelund8324 Před rokem +310

    I just removed myself from this exact situation. Unfortunately, I would say no more and then go back. I just finally got to a point where I was done, laid it all out on the line and was prepared to walk away. It’s so true that if a man is interested, we won’t be back and forth like this. He will make the time for us. There will be no question. For some reason, people always ask for my advice. No matter what it is they are questioning, I tell them if there’s any doubt or confusion, it’s likely not the best choice. There must be peace about any decision we make. For you and me, there was no peace in the situationship. None. Move on, sunshine! You deserve better. You deserve the BEST!

    • @exlkaldra6461
      @exlkaldra6461 Před rokem +1

      No one deserves anything in this life. You only get the path you carve out of the cliff face of life.

    • @patrycjaszlachta9603
      @patrycjaszlachta9603 Před rokem +2

      Thank you🙏 i wish you a great relationship

    • @Thomassina1
      @Thomassina1 Před rokem +20

      Agree Camille, when he really wants you there are no doubts.. won't be left in the lurch wondering, waiting, worried you said or did something wrong, etc
      Whenever you start with the self doubts, making excuses for him/her, becoming overly self-critical, it's a clear sign the stars are not aligned - best to back off and regroup. It's supposed to be fun.

    • @ShayC143
      @ShayC143 Před rokem +2

      Preach 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

    • @livinmabestlife
      @livinmabestlife Před rokem +2

      Appreciate this reminder

  • @Ladyinred001
    @Ladyinred001 Před rokem +110

    Walk tf way! I have done this, you’re just giving the other person tools to act consistent for a while and then the same happens. You’ll end up playing police or a nanny having to correct all the time. Walking away will get more difficult because meanwhile you’re getting more attached to the person.
    WALK.TF.ON.

    • @princessmermaid3085
      @princessmermaid3085 Před rokem +15

      Exactly! I did this . Yes they changed being more consistent for a while, and they repeated the same thing again. It was like they did that on purpose you’re living in their chess game. It was exhausting. Ended up walking away and blocked them. Best decision ever made

    • @twincherry4958
      @twincherry4958 Před rokem +2

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @Mike-sj9si
      @Mike-sj9si Před rokem +10

      Unfortunately true in my experience. I like how you include the part about how walking away becomes more difficult the longer the relationship goes on. I feel like putting work into relationships is important however them being inconsistent is them already showing lack of interest in putting in any work. Me taking the time to craft this very kind, empathetic, nuanced, and direct communication is already such a step above what they're doing. I'm not their teacher. If they don't already know how they should be acting then I can't really help them. I see how a small percentage of the time it could maybe help two people to get on the same page but ultimately it usually just goes south.

  • @echocharlie
    @echocharlie Před rokem +291

    😂 I sent this text to a guy ("I'm surprised to hear from you... because you check in once in awhile then disappear"), and his response was that he was busy doing xyz and that I need to chill because I don't know what's going on in someone's life. And that was the end of that!

    • @GalacticWoman
      @GalacticWoman Před rokem +111

      lucky escape then;) he invalidated your feelings- not a man you want in your life

    • @ilikemydonutswithjaminthem5606
      @ilikemydonutswithjaminthem5606 Před rokem +29

      Good job for letting him go!!

    • @KookinHaole
      @KookinHaole Před rokem +6

      Invest in chewy, guys.

    • @Tubie1111
      @Tubie1111 Před rokem +1

      What an ass. Good riddance!

    • @danielleemch8991
      @danielleemch8991 Před rokem +33

      I think it's how they reply to the text is your answer remember what you deserve and your boundaries if it doesn't feel right walk away if it's not him it's someone better always 🥰❤️

  • @Tubie1111
    @Tubie1111 Před rokem +32

    Mixed signals... hot n cold... 👋 I don't communicate to that anymore. The moment it starts happening, I cut them off from the get go. No thanks. I've done too much internal work to even put up with it anymore AT ALL!

  • @kazabeth4
    @kazabeth4 Před rokem +29

    “If he wanted to he would” - Kyle Morgan. Apt song.

    • @Mike-sj9si
      @Mike-sj9si Před rokem

      I once heard someone say, "I hate that advice. What do YOU want? Just ask for what you want and if he says no or gives you a wishy-washy answer, move on."
      I guess in this scenario consistency is what's wanted. I'm not totally sure we should have to ask for that though. And will it change even if they say yes to changing it? In a situation where they're showing a pattern of inconsistency or a pattern of whatever...A pattern's a pattern. Maybe the "ask for what you want" advice works better when it comes to things like asking for a date or asking someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend.

  • @GadgetsGearCoffee
    @GadgetsGearCoffee Před rokem +163

    The only thing I would add is if you tend to be anxious, regulate yourself, journal, breath work, yoga, etc. before you send a message and keep it playful - think of how you'd message a friend when they're not getting back to you - playful, fun, no pressure

    • @veryslowenglish
      @veryslowenglish Před rokem +5

      I agree because sometimes when you're anxious you read the other person as being cold when they're actually just busy with work and life.

    • @justines1919
      @justines1919 Před rokem +21

      No babe just move on and get some standards. A man who isn’t trying to use you and actually likes you won’t do this to you. And yes to all the self care ❤

    • @justines1919
      @justines1919 Před rokem +11

      @@veryslowenglish no they aren’t busy they just don’t care.

    • @robinlavois4483
      @robinlavois4483 Před 10 měsíci +3

      If I had to do journaling and all you list then I'd never have time to text anybody. That's a sweet thought though!!!! I just text some rude, abrupt, disorderly statement and take my chances!!!

    • @dr.jenniferma3914
      @dr.jenniferma3914 Před 9 měsíci +3

      @@robinlavois4483 Right. It's not like a man like this DOESN'T know how his behavior is toxic. He knows how it causes doubt, insecurity, and general discomfort. He is expecting a rude text. He's expecting emotion. So it doesn't matter how you go about expressing yourself really. I like Matthew's method the best.

  • @melissahood2960
    @melissahood2960 Před rokem +66

    I sent a text that said, "I'm going to pass on our plans for Friday because I feel like you are playing hot/cold and it feels gross."
    He immediately texted and called to apologize and it hasn't happened again.

    • @Mike-sj9si
      @Mike-sj9si Před rokem +13

      Wow that seems very unusual I hope it continued/continues to go well! When I did pretty much the exact same thing I just got a text back saying something like, "I don't like that. I'm very triggered. So maybe we should just end this." (To clarify everything was fine except she was starting to be hot-and-cold and then she went cold and then she reached out about the plans we'd already made and then I just said the "I'm gonna pass" thing). Then I said I'm sorry I hurt you and I still mean what I said, so let me try to say it a different way. I said it in a nicer, more nuanced way and then she just said something like, "Well you're the one who's not putting in any effort this relationship feels so one-sided."
      That's when I reflected on what she was saying, decided I was pretty sure she was gaslighting, and ended things with her, wishing her the best.
      She very soon posted all over social media about how she had recently moved in with her boyfriend. Not sure when that boyfriend happened...

    • @yarki1932
      @yarki1932 Před rokem

      How's it going noa

    • @katrina703
      @katrina703 Před rokem

      ya how's everything now?

    • @freshdumpling
      @freshdumpling Před měsícem

      ​@@Mike-sj9sishe used you

  • @carolsimkins7942
    @carolsimkins7942 Před rokem +12

    If he's ever cold then walk away. You need to make space for people who will truly be there for you and the only way to do that is to weed out the crap by not wasting your time with them.

  • @kalifornia4745
    @kalifornia4745 Před rokem +254

    The confusing part is the fact that they ARE so present when you are with them and then not. I had the very same, “I don’t feel like we’re very connected to when we’re apart” conversation. It ended up just getting worse and they left because they felt pressured and like I was criticizing any time I expressed my needs. They said they wanted a commitment but then continued to be hot and cold. I was so confused.

    • @vivian0622
      @vivian0622 Před rokem

      just walk away. men's trick!!they just don't want to spend time on you!

    • @Coupy-pie
      @Coupy-pie Před rokem +45

      sounds like they had an avoidant attachment style, they don't cope well with pressure. I am currently experiencing this, I broke up with them because their actions didn't match their words.

    • @gemo9075
      @gemo9075 Před rokem +61

      After having been through something like this in my 20s, a good rule to go by is if you feel confused then it’s not a go. When I met my husband there was no confusion- a person who values you will make you feel valued together, apart, always. Hot and cold is just a person having their cake and eating it, they’re just not that into you

    • @kalifornia4745
      @kalifornia4745 Před rokem +6

      @@Coupy-pie sorry to hear that. We got back together and it has just been more of the same.

    • @kalifornia4745
      @kalifornia4745 Před rokem +3

      @@gemo9075 Well said.

  • @domt4588
    @domt4588 Před rokem +25

    I just walked away from a guy I was just dating. He was hot and cold. Also…he was commenting on other women’s photos on Facebook and ignoring mine. I kindly told him I was withdrawing from this. I had no anger. Just said that your actions don’t match your words. That I deserved better. I just set a healthy boundary. Thank you! Loved this video

  • @raffaellaricciardi8517
    @raffaellaricciardi8517 Před rokem +14

    The goal is to be happy, not to "catch" a person at all costs. It may hurt to let someone go, but it hurts FAR less than humiliating to attract him and then having a very weak, false partner.

  • @Beautytrends77
    @Beautytrends77 Před rokem +15

    You see I feel like all these things are really great but in all honesty I don’t think it should be this much work. This recently just happened to me and I just walked away. I don’t have this much energy to teach them how I want to be treated. If I don’t hear from a guy for two weeks it’s a clear message that in those two weeks he wasn’t thinking of me at all. I get what Matthew is saying with the clear cut communication without the dramatic emotion but at the end of the day if a man wants you, you would not have to send a text like that to him. If a man has it in his mind that he does not want a relationship or it’s not a goal to be in a commitment with someone it simply won’t happen. Im sorry but the hot and cold game just turns me cold and I’d rather just walk away.

  • @justibe_213
    @justibe_213 Před rokem +6

    Ladies...just move on, no explanation needed. Energy and peace are both precious.

  • @rushyaran
    @rushyaran Před rokem +19

    We make time in our lives for the things that matter to us.

  • @ronelfortune
    @ronelfortune Před rokem +92

    Thank you Matthew, for all your advice. I walked away from someone who did exactly this, and later found the real deal. My actual person, the one who invests in me, and me in him. Best thing I've ever done.

  • @andreaborbas9450
    @andreaborbas9450 Před rokem +23

    I would not do this through texting. If the person wants to meet again you can meet and then have a conversation with them and you will see their reaction.

  • @tinahigley1956
    @tinahigley1956 Před rokem +289

    Damn Matthew!! You hit a 65-year-old widow of 3 years right in the feels! I'm right in this exact scenario having reconnected with an old friend who lives 1000 miles away. I can't write your words down fast enough!! Many thanks from the grey fringe of your fan club! ❤

    • @jensweeney4128
      @jensweeney4128 Před rokem +13

      From a recent widow… on we go Tina. Forward.
      Matt is great. Thanks Matt… you are a decent source

    • @scribblydoodle2924
      @scribblydoodle2924 Před 11 měsíci +6

      At his age, he should NOT be playing those games at all. I just went through it myself. Don't waste your time. You're better than this. As hard as it is you need to have more self esteem.

    • @charmee4045
      @charmee4045 Před měsícem

      I find men over 60 are just as guilty if not moreso of playing nothing but games.....I keep all relationships with men on a very superficial level, they can wait it out or get lost as far as I am concerned.

  • @KayTheKreatior
    @KayTheKreatior Před rokem +126

    exactly matthew, people make time for what's important to them

  • @loveofurs
    @loveofurs Před rokem +18

    I feel incredible sadness from the realization that each such video by Matthew is so relevant to me...

  • @melishaweston6774
    @melishaweston6774 Před rokem +36

    You're right on the money!
    Instead of me being Mrs right, I was always Mrs right now. I feel like a fool for believing he was ever really into me. When we were together, he always made me feel like we had an undeniable connection, but when we were apart, he'd fist ghost me, and make me feel like I was bothering him. I severed all communication.
    Now he's wondering why I'm not chasing him to hang out anymore...NEXT!

  • @terrhappy7248
    @terrhappy7248 Před rokem +11

    Exactly, they might even date someone else so he forgets about you in between your dates. If someone starts being cold from the beginning there is definitly a massive problem!!! Who tf does this when they are serious about you or if they show some respect!

  • @tatiana9441
    @tatiana9441 Před rokem +13

    I just finished with a man I was dating for 2 months who did this. I had one foot out the door the whole time until I preffered to be home and read a good book than hang out "casually" with him. I cut it off

  • @rebecca_stone
    @rebecca_stone Před rokem +49

    Nothing good has ever come of me eventually getting involved with people I've had to do this type of thing with at dating stage. But I appreciate the rationale and skills Matthew is teaching behind it. A guy worth being with will make sure you're not in any doubt about where you stand, because he won't want you to be.

  • @taimybringas8314
    @taimybringas8314 Před rokem +48

    That describes my last relationship. We spent 3 years like that. When I finally decided to move on his excuse was that he didn’t know how to express his feeling. This and his inability to compromise was the reason I broke up with him.

  • @traysea1967
    @traysea1967 Před rokem +8

    My philosophy is…WHY would you would even have to Ask someone to spend more time with you??
    Either they do or they don’t! To beg someone to be w me… or even ask them?? Waste of time.

  • @cindy032143
    @cindy032143 Před rokem +7

    I have reached out and it’s the same behavior. It’s time to walk away no matter how much it hurts.

  • @normavelasquez8034
    @normavelasquez8034 Před rokem +130

    Thanks for affirming what i know is in my heart and mind. I have found that when i communicate my values, (so far...) men just step away. Which is great because it filters those who are not worth my time or those are not ready to meet my level of expectations. But its really discouraging that i have yet to meet someone who is willing to try. :--(

    • @JDfaith2024
      @JDfaith2024 Před rokem +9

      Agree completely and going through the same situation 😔

    • @mayluz444
      @mayluz444 Před rokem +8

      Men are not worth it. I'm happier I ever been with myself, and only have lovers. I'm free and I don't need a partner. I have amazing friendships and life..men are really not all that..they are good for some fun.

    • @andziagreen4922
      @andziagreen4922 Před rokem +4

      You are not alone with your situation🤗

    • @notimetodienttd1115
      @notimetodienttd1115 Před rokem +4

      Dont ever give up dear. Keep the faith. Just dont try too hard in searching. Make as many friends first as you can. The right one might sneak up on you someday..All the best 🙏🤗💖💃🔥

    • @Coupy-pie
      @Coupy-pie Před rokem

      @@mayluz444 thats a bit harsh, not all men are like this - the people you are attracted to are probably players and don't want to settle because they can get any woman they want when they want.

  • @maddyharvey7414
    @maddyharvey7414 Před rokem +30

    In my experience, mixed signals means mixed intentions and those have never panned out for me.

  • @thematthewhussey
    @thematthewhussey  Před rokem +252

    Hey everyone, thank you for your beautiful comments, I’ve been reading them this Sunday morning and really enjoying your thoughts and stories.
    A quick note, please ignore the person in my comment section pretending to be me. I will only ever comment from my verified account, so don’t do anything someone asks you to do when it’s not my main account with the verification tick. This is true for all of my social media platforms. I don’t want anyone getting taken advantage of by these people.
    Sending you all love this Sunday! Xxx

    • @lhen968
      @lhen968 Před rokem +1

      I love you matthew hussey❤❤❤❤❤

    • @notimetodienttd1115
      @notimetodienttd1115 Před rokem +2

      You gotit 👍 I got duped by some online scammers before. 😬 Never again! 🙅🙅

    • @Antiparticipant
      @Antiparticipant Před rokem +1

      Did you find your missing shoe back? 😂

    • @roblaud3761
      @roblaud3761 Před 10 měsíci +2

      That’s exactly what the pretend Hussey would say…

    • @katrinas.daydreams
      @katrinas.daydreams Před 10 měsíci +3

      maybe pin this? 🤔

  • @nici6798
    @nici6798 Před rokem +14

    Really needed to hear this right now! Confusing how people can be so crazy about you one min then just go completely quiet and stop the text the next. Says more about them than you!

  • @mandy18573
    @mandy18573 Před rokem +22

    If hes really into you - THERE WONT BE ANY MIXED SIGNALS!! end of sentence. Coz he would be too scared to loose you to any other

  • @criminozs
    @criminozs Před rokem +12

    May be we need to get rid of phones and social media so we are not guessing if someone is missing us neither will be expect any text or call. Only quality time when both are together.

  • @ireefree2024
    @ireefree2024 Před rokem +22

    Thank you Matthew, your videos helped me to find my man. And now we're 4 years together and two years married. It was a tough journey to find my husband and most of the time I stood myself in the way. Your best advice is to choose somebody based on how he treats/invest in you, not about how much you like someone ❤

  • @rosemariecampbell9519
    @rosemariecampbell9519 Před rokem +18

    Man, it's so complicated being a woman.... I am going through the same situation.... why do we need to walk on eggshells so much when we try to lay our thoughts on the line....whereas he would not care or think twice about losing me?? Thankyou for this Matthew,

    • @cheekytitaable
      @cheekytitaable Před rokem +5

      It’s only walking on eggshells if you’re with the wrong person. The right one will listen and respect your needs. Speak up, if they can’t handle it, that’s your clue to move on

    • @rosemariecampbell9519
      @rosemariecampbell9519 Před rokem +2

      @@cheekytitaable I agree... it has taken me a while to respect myself more.

    • @chellebelle1970
      @chellebelle1970 Před rokem +1

      this comment is exactly how I feel but yes it’s complicated being a woman but it’s even MORE complicated because men are full of games!!!! we never know which way to go and how to act with them!!!! it tiring and the game gets tiring so I’ve decided not to play!

  • @hazelmedina273
    @hazelmedina273 Před rokem +101

    The message I really needed to hear today! Damn! The part he says “be ready to lose him” is like he’s reading my mind and answer my question. ❤

  • @ilonaAnoli90
    @ilonaAnoli90 Před rokem +39

    He’s seeing someone else on the side. Or he’s just not serious.

  • @saycog1084
    @saycog1084 Před rokem +14

    If you’re vulnerable be ready for a good receptive reaction or not. And if not, accepting it’s not for you and moving on is the only way to go. Being vulnerable is not the mistake, the mistake is insisting after hearing a clear ( or not) NO or being ghosted. I decided not to feel bad for being vulnerable, because now I know when I hear a NO I leave.

  • @jamaiya7
    @jamaiya7 Před rokem +43

    Literally felt like you were talking directly to me in the beginning of the video 😂 that emotional rollercoaster of a relationship didn’t end up being worth it for me but good luck to everyone else going through it 😭

  • @xxyz321
    @xxyz321 Před rokem +12

    I can understand how some of these comments could be true, like just walk away, or block them, but I believe learning to communicate in a way that makes your needs/standards/wants known is also helpful for us to really understand what we want and need from others. ❤

  • @ccjailen
    @ccjailen Před rokem +8

    Wow! Somebody completely understands. I was in this type of fake relationship. We were great together but when apart I felt frustrated and not connected. It was just for the good sex and fun times I was buying. I found out she was dating other guys. Her mind and time was with someone else. I said I was finished with us. She didn’t like me busting her and asked for FWB. I said when I’m done I’m done. As she was exiting my car I said it’s him or me. I left and it’s been two weeks no contact. Her not calling, minimal investment and another guy was enough to exit the relationship. Future faking all the times I was suppling. She reads my social media daily. I’m done, she can mirror that.

  • @shalondraprather384
    @shalondraprather384 Před rokem +79

    This is so helpful because I love the communication style. I don’t want to be bitter or try and get revenge on someone just because they aren’t good at communicating and think playing games and being untrue is the way. I would rather bow out gracefully with no ill will. Thank you for this reminder. ❤

    • @smalta101
      @smalta101 Před rokem +4

      I completely agree. I don't want to play games, or come across as petty. But it can also be hard communicating our needs, and boundaries. Sometime I have to remind myself of who I am and my worth, when it comes to dating these men...

  • @DrWaadAminFitnessNutritionist

    I haven't watched the video yet but my God the thumbnail is so cute😂❤

  • @nichegoseberazdvatri
    @nichegoseberazdvatri Před rokem +5

    Number one suspicion I have for the coldness is he is married, and doesn't want his wife to notice or ask questions.

  • @desireenunez7824
    @desireenunez7824 Před rokem +50

    I think sending that text shows that you are emotionally invested. As a women, if you have a variety of options, people to compare and choose from, you wouldn’t care about this particular guy being hot/cold, cause there is always more.

    • @sasmith6403
      @sasmith6403 Před rokem +3

      I love this message of yours! I absolutely agree on you Sis!🥰😘 That’s girl power.❤❤❤

    • @galemeister4233
      @galemeister4233 Před rokem +1

      I've invested this past month, talking and texting with this guy, he basically txs and calls every day, until yesterday ( working) I sent a couple little texts, pictures of it snowing, nothing all day? Unlike him, I have a feeling it will be like that all weekend? I am sick about this, he has said several times, I feel like we are a couple already. We haven't met yet, distance, sickness, work, holidays ect. He told me for sure next weekend, then the next day, I hear nothing! I hate to give up already, nothing happened? Confused, help!

    • @anonymousanonymous-cy6ut
      @anonymousanonymous-cy6ut Před rokem +1

      @@galemeister4233 Who cares? You have never met. I never understand why girls get emotionally attached to a pen pal.

    • @dr.jenniferma3914
      @dr.jenniferma3914 Před 10 měsíci

      I agree. Had a connecting time a week ago and since then his texts haven't been reliable. Before he left my house he mentioned that I should come to his place (he's a couple hours away) and I agreed. But he went two days without messaging me after only a couple messages once he left. Then, this weekend, I last heard from him Friday morning and then he texts me Sunday night with some event invite in about month.
      I lost interest because I don't like a man to not text me two days straight and then do it another time within the same week. If he's playing games, I'm bored with it, if he's just inconsistent, I'm not interested. Now he's texting me today asking if everything is alright, love.
      I watched this video and still don't feel compelled to him how I feel because I don't like how Matthew's text still seems sort of needy. I just figure, if a man is willing to keep me guessing, or wondering about his intentions, then he's also okay with my getting my needs met elsewhere.
      I don't know what to do.

  • @tianacarroll2583
    @tianacarroll2583 Před rokem +61

    Loved this video. When I see bad behavior, I don’t have a problem leaving the situation. But this video made me realize I was totally guilty of returning cold behavior for cold behavior. Didn’t realize that’s what I’ve been doing. All this time I was wondering why these fickle guys would randomly come back to put on a show and dance when we both knew they weren’t going to put in any long term effort. Definitely going to be more clear with my words about how I’m only interested in consistent* good behavior.

    • @dr.jenniferma3914
      @dr.jenniferma3914 Před 9 měsíci

      I made the mistake of matching as well. I just decided that I wouldn't reach out for days, etc. Then I realized, why am I changing my standards of care for a person who is obviously confused or setting a bad precedent? He can do this all he wants. I don't have to match him.

  • @kellyeileen2659
    @kellyeileen2659 Před rokem +56

    Damn, this is good. Like, all of your videos up until this point have been really good, but I think you’ve made a breakthrough with this one Matt. The artist has to continually work on their craft to create a masterpiece, and sometimes they do it without knowing by that point. Bravo, freaking home run right here.

  • @Meyouletsgo
    @Meyouletsgo Před rokem +19

    When he said I should be ready to lose him before softening and just using it as a tactic ! That hit me hard !

  • @camtran1905
    @camtran1905 Před rokem +5

    Thank you, Matthew! Those advices are very helpful! 😊

  • @Sarahhenderson11
    @Sarahhenderson11 Před rokem +17

    Stop enabling these avoidant players who give you scraps from the table! If we all got together out there and decided to block their BS this type of person would seize to exist.

    • @Mike-sj9si
      @Mike-sj9si Před rokem +3

      Yes! We should all work together to block them! I'm not sure that they would cease to exist because I think their behavior is rooted in childhood experiences and not in whether or not people will accept this behavior in dating, but still I think it might help if the behavior is at least not being accepted.

  • @TytheGemini-ce5cb
    @TytheGemini-ce5cb Před rokem +3

    You explained this perfectly!!!! I’ve experienced this in my past. Thank you for your videos.

  • @Predictable1
    @Predictable1 Před rokem +3

    I love your videos Matthew, I've been watching them for several years now and I've applied so much of what I've learnt from you in my dating life. These advices aren't always easy to execute, but I've had to, and for this, I am grateful for your content! :)

  • @joanwallace1962
    @joanwallace1962 Před rokem +8

    Matt, I have been following you for years, you are like a flower that continues to bloom year on year evidently upping your game as to deep, credible knowledge of relationships in order to empower women, thank you. Crazy deep insight into what us women sometimes do so wrong and sharing it with us to get it right. This is definitely, yet again, one of your most motivational, inspiring and powerful videos yet. I love it, especially the bit at the end where you throw your shoe 👞 at your disbelief of how much we can get from you for $7, sending us to the competition and then retracting that information. Hilariously funny. 😂😂😂

  • @DeAnnaChoi
    @DeAnnaChoi Před rokem +3

    GOLD! Matthew is so wise! Impressed every time come back. ❤

  • @haneenashraf7964
    @haneenashraf7964 Před rokem +2

    Mathew i adore you so much😂❤❤ there is smth about the way you talk& present the video! I can see the amount of effort you’ve put in every single minor detail in this video that goes behind the scenes

  • @monicaaditza
    @monicaaditza Před rokem

    Awesome! I like the mirroring phase, I like that you give very practical recomandacions!

  • @saraali4574
    @saraali4574 Před rokem +54

    Am very surprised by myself by this video because it’s actually shows to me how much I’ve proved myself at expressing myself without being defensive and actually shows the other part what I actually want but being nice at the same time,, thank you Matthew for these videos I’ve been watching for over two years now and you’ve helped me a lot not only emotionally but mentally too! You’re changing lives out here ❤

  • @christinaramirez4691
    @christinaramirez4691 Před rokem +7

    I just finished walking the beach listening to this video and it gave me so much clarity. I absolutely got the fact that this person wants to have a romantic EXPERIENCE with me but does not have the INTENTION to pursue a romantic partnership. Ahhh love this aha moment. Yes it’s brutal but dang what a realization. Especially, knowing that if I were to continue to mirror these actions I would be the “weekender”( I just made it up😂). Anywho, thank you for this! Makes total sense.

  • @JessicaHernandez-jo4fp
    @JessicaHernandez-jo4fp Před rokem +7

    Thank you so much for this. It was as if you were talking directly to me. I really needed this advice & im definitely going to use it! I fell in love with this guy who I know is a good guy but he’s not consistent with communicating when we aren’t together. So this was the perfect video for me & I appreciate you. Thank you!

  • @danielleemch8991
    @danielleemch8991 Před rokem +99

    You have to be willing to walk away and having really amazing boundaries is very essential yet I think the confidence to say them to him without blaming or shaming coming from a place of curiosity and warmth because it's not just about the words we say also our attitudes and the energy behind the words sometimes it's better not to react just sit with your thoughts and work on yourself find out where this trigger is coming from and heal it thank you so much love your advice 🥰❤️

  • @brendakafula7135
    @brendakafula7135 Před rokem +6

    I love this video ,thanks .finally You my day❤️ that’s what I did years back and now I know the signs and don’t tolerate such at all

  • @hyeryeunjang3913
    @hyeryeunjang3913 Před rokem +45

    Wow... I am just speechless, this is another spot on video! I loved it when you said "you need to be ready to lose this person before sending the text" because that's so true

  • @sanja9553
    @sanja9553 Před rokem +1

    Wow, loved the way you explained everything! Could be one of the best videos I've seen recently - clear, specific info. Absolutely loved it! Thank you ✨️

  • @ShibaNegi
    @ShibaNegi Před rokem +1

    Thank you. Your advice is really good. I like how it emphasises on how we should never forget our own values and how valuable we are!

  • @Kim-hp7mu
    @Kim-hp7mu Před rokem +19

    Thank you ❤ the best big brother advice I never had

  • @obibear123
    @obibear123 Před rokem +19

    Spot on! And it doesn’t matter how much you feel about someone, it’s all about your self worth and sticking to your standards!

  • @NivethaBalasubramaniam

    You are so right!! Love these “hands on” texts! You are fun too 😂

  • @julierobinson8173
    @julierobinson8173 Před rokem +8

    Give yourself your own attention...him giving you no attention is a form of communication. You can never not communicate.

  • @TheBluefairy93
    @TheBluefairy93 Před rokem +19

    Lol. I'm loving the playfulness Matthew has now.
    It's very warm and funny. I hope this side of you stays, on and off screen.

  • @strongwoman2223
    @strongwoman2223 Před rokem +3

    Omg Matthew that’s what I’m living!! I follow you from France, thank you very much you help me a lot 🙏🏼

  • @safera6820
    @safera6820 Před rokem +1

    you are top-notch when giving advice to people, right spot on! your way of communicating is so clear and precious!! thanks a lot, you are really helping me to detect the time-waster guys I don´t want in my life

  • @asinsodojrn
    @asinsodojrn Před rokem +1

    I love your personality, Matt! Your content can he a little heavy at times, given it's nature, but you make it so fun and refreshing to watch. I feel like you are giving us a model of what "heavy talk" should look like in a secure relationship... Yup, getting down and real about whatever is at hand, but lightening it up a bit because at the end of the day, we love each other and are still friends and need to laugh about shoes sometimes 🤣🤣🤣

  • @mariafeka3760
    @mariafeka3760 Před rokem +11

    Thank you so much for your advice and guidance... Your words are so awakening!!! This year it was so devastating for me, a big break up, full of bad dates and ghosting! People always reveal themselves. We have to observe and accept reality.
    I replied to a "hot and cold" guy, as you suggested on this video, I stated my standards politely about consistency and communication. He avoided answering,so he "accidentally" revealed his intentions. At the end of the day, he gave me a gift, he made me to low his value and eventually see him as he is (not a bad person, necessarily, but he doesn’t meet my standards)

  • @mzac4me
    @mzac4me Před rokem +27

    This came up in my CZcams feed just as I needed it, and I used your message, paraphrased a little to make it personal, and hey…it worked. His response was: “Good, I liked hearing that,” so now it’s up to me/us to keep up the momentum and ensure we don’t fall into bad habits again.

  • @janique3640
    @janique3640 Před rokem

    Brilliant Video on a very touchy subject...almost eveytime, it seems the Matthew is READING what I am living !

  • @bluebirdie7241
    @bluebirdie7241 Před rokem +1

    This is brilliant! As always well worth watching. Thanks Matthew!

  • @wispydandelion8463
    @wispydandelion8463 Před rokem +7

    JUST exactly what I needed to hear!!! He was so attentive at first, and now ... crickets. Thank you SO SO SO much for the script.

  • @yorkshireseamstress
    @yorkshireseamstress Před rokem +41

    I love how tangible your advice is, concise and respectful 👌🏻 your a god send that helps us take a step back and look rationally at our situations and not emotionally

  • @savithawulff2128
    @savithawulff2128 Před 8 měsíci

    I really like the clarity with which you lay out your videos where one can self preserve but at the same time ensure one is showing up for true connection

  • @ranierautkar2396
    @ranierautkar2396 Před rokem +2

    Omg thank God Mathew exists , i needed this clarity so much today. 💯 Can't express how much thankful I am for this video.